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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Derrick* shares his love of food with his partner by taking her on regular restaurant dates. In this article, he tells us they dealt with long distance in their relationship, their ritual Sunday dates and how Prisca helps him better with money.
What takes the most money in your relationship?
Food. I like food a lot, so we go to restaurants on most of our dates.
What’s the most you’ve spent on a restaurant date?
Our go-to restaurant is Circa, and we spend about ₦40k on our dinner dates.
Let’s take it back to how you two met
We met on the streets of WhatsApp in 2019. A mutual friend had posted Prisca’s picture, and I asked for her number and got it. But I waited for three months before I texted her.
Why?
I didn’t just feel like it at the time. I guess Prisca got tired of waiting because she texted our friend to tell her that I never reached out. When our mutual friend reached out to me, I decided to text Prisca.
Our conversations at the start were mainly one-word texts until one day when I shared a post about pain and how God comes through on my status. She responded to it, and that was the icebreaker. We started talking about scriptures, and from there, we became friends.
However, our new friendship was on and off. She’d disappear on me and reappear after a few months. This happened for the first time in July 2020. We didn’t speak until November when she reached out to tell me she’d gotten a job and was moving out of Lagos.
She went off in early 2021 again and we didn’t talk until July — I reached out this time to wish her a happy birthday.
All this time, did you guys meet?
Yes, we did. I’d visited her at her office twice when I was around the area. She’d also met me on two occasions at my uncle’s house, which was close to her place on the mainland.
In 2020, we went out on a friendship date to get Pizza i. But there were still COVID restrictions, and the restaurant wouldn’t let us in because we had only one facemask. We took turns wearing the mask to enter, place our order and then pay. We spent the rest of the afternoon under the sun, gisting and eating pizza.
So how did your friendship evolve into a relationship??
In November 2021, she came to Lagos to see me. During that visit, I asked her out because it was clear we had developed feelings. She said she needed time to think about it. Two weeks after, she said yes. She’d returned to Ilorin where she worked and lived though.
So you’re in a long-distance relationship?
We were, but she moved back to Lagos in July 2022. Then, we’d do video calls every night and travel to see each other at least once every four months. Sometimes she’d visit; other times, I would.
How were your Ilorin visits?
The place is dry, so there are not a lot of options. Still, every day after she closed from work, we’d drive to the mall or restaurant to buy food. The average budget for that is between ₦8k – ₦20k.
Interesting. What happens when she comes to Lagos?
I usually get her a dress and shoes, because she rarely travels with enough clothes.
We haven’t done these in a while even though even we both live in the same city. Between work and our busy schedules, we try to make room for a new experience we could try together. Sometimes, it’s movie night at home. Other times it could be playing games at night. We’ve also started this Sunday ritual where we visit a small restaurant. The average spend is about ₦10k – ₦15k.
How do you celebrate special occasions?
We don’t care much about Valentine’s, but we try to celebrate our birthdays together. For her birthday in 2022, I got her an Adidas shoe which cost about ₦32k, two cakes and gifted her ₦40k to complete her money for a wristwatch.
I also surprised her that day. She was out for her birthday dinner with her friends, and I showed up with the gifts I had gotten her.
Do you give her money?
Occasionally. One online trend told people to ask their partners for ₦100k, and that’s what she did. She asked me, and I sent it to her.
Odogwu! Do you have conversations about money?
Yes. When we started dating, I used to be so reckless with money and struggled with saving, but she helped me. I’d send her about ₦500k to hold for me every month. I still do it now.
So she’s better with money?
Definitely.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I have some shares which my dad left for me. And my savings is currently over ₦4m.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
My long-term goal is to get my PhD and become a professor teaching people about tech or co-founding a startup. We will also start investing in real estate, stocks, and startups.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Mason* (24) and Kelly *(24) are a young couple trying to make money off the thing they love — music. In this week’s Love Currency, Mason shares how they met during a music business course, curating music playlists for each other and their plan to take over the music industry together.
What’s your love language?
It’s always been quality time. But having my girlfriend send me constant business opportunities has made me realise it’s also acts of service.
What type of opportunities?
She’s a music marketing personnel, so she usually takes me to events where I can network, and whenever she gets a talent to manage, she tries to bring me on board for the PR.
Oshey, power couple. How did you two meet?
I saw her speak at a friend’s event in 2021 and liked her immediately. Then, we met during an online music business course in September 2022. I needed help with an assignment, and she offered to help. From there, we started talking, but I tried to keep the relationship professional even though I already liked her.
Why?
We had met with work so I didn’t want to cross the line. But then she found me on Twitter. I had tweeted asking who was interested in reading something I’d written, and she replied. I sent it to her, and she loved it. She said it resonated with her.
What was it about?
It was a piece about depression. While everyone else had interpreted it as a cry for help, she understood that it was just for documentation.
I recently started giving her handwritten notes because she seems to prefer them. Whenever she isn’t feeling good, I write something for her to wake up to — words of affirmation. That’s her love language.
Aww. How did you go from friends to dating?
We had our graduation party at a hotel in December 2022. A group of us had gone to the beach from the event, and when we returned to the hotel, we decided to take a stroll. That was when she kissed me. We started dating in January 2023.
How did you celebrate Valentine’s Day 2023?
She had work that day, so we didn’t see till the following weekend when we went to the beach.
What about gifts?
She made me a playlist. We make playlists for each other depending on the other person’s mood and what we’re trying to say. I also got her a necklace and earrings that cost less than ₦3k, but she liked them.
How often do you go out?
She’s more social, so she’s always trying to drag me outside to meet people and network. I’m more reserved, so most of our outings are to the beach, alone or with our friends.
How much does this cost?
Anything from ₦10k – ₦20k, and either of us pays at different times. Sometimes, one person pays for transport while the other pays for tickets. We don’t really pay attention to these things. We almost had to fight before she finally sent me her account number because I wanted to repay her for the money she’d spent on one of our outings.
What’s the most you’ve spent on an outing?
I spent about ₦60k during a staycation one time. The plan was to stay at the hotel for two days, but we ended up staying for five. The room cost between ₦8k – ₦9k, but we spent a lot of money on The Place food. There were days when we spent ₦10k on food, but she chipped in sometimes.
Do you have conversations about money?
Yes, we do. We’re in the same industry, so sometimes, I help revise her marketing plan. She also helps me ensures I charge enough. She’s given me a target to start charging in dollars by the end of 2023.
Wawu. Do you know how much she earns though?
Not really. I have an idea, but I never bother to ask because I don’t think it’s important. I’m okay if she earns more than me because I know she’ll flex me with the money.
What do you mean?
She knows I like eating, so she’s always surprising me with food. I know she’s planning something for my birthday because she recently tweeted how a perfume she wanted to get was over ₦100k. I’ve told her she doesn’t have to do anything but she’s stubborn. That’s how she convinced me to start posting on TikTok. I started my fitness business towards the end of 2022, but I didn’t start creating content around it for TikTok until we started dating and she convinced me to. Now, I use it to redirect more people to my Instagram page where most of my business comes from.
Do you have a financial safety net?
Not right now. I’m currently using my savings to rent a self-con on the mainland, which costs ₦250k per year.
Not bad. If you see ₦400k now, how would you spend it?
I’d buy food so I can see road well. Then, I’d send my mother ₦50k, keep ₦100k for flex, give ₦50k to my babe and save ₦200k. I’m actually good at saving, but when you don’t make enough money, you have to save your life first.
FR
I’m currently searching for job at a record label that’d guarantee regular income.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I want to be one of the top PR professionals in the music industry, start my own brand, own a gym, maybe even try out song writing. But I can’t put a price to any of that.
What of Kelly?
She just launched her entertainment business recently. She’d want it to be one of the best in the world.
Does this mean you’d be competitors?
Not at all. If anything, we’d be partners. She’d get the clients, and I’d work on the PR plan for them, or I’d refer talents to her team.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Freepiks (Actual subjects are anonymous)
Omo* didn’t believe in same-age relationships when she met Femi in 2019 and pushed him into the friendzone. But that changed when she met him two years later in law school.
In this article, she talks about their NYSC year together in Ibadan and how they’ve moved from chicken republic to restaurant dates.
What’s the most memorable gift you’ve gotten your partner?
I got him an office bag in January. He’d mentioned that one of his job applications was going smoothly, so I bought him the bag, hoping he’d get the job. He got a different one, but he carried the bag everywhere.
Aww. What about him – does he get you gifts?
Yes. He goes all out on my birthdays. On my birthday eve last year, he paid for our train ticket to Lagos and booked a hotel for us. We ended up at the beach, and he got us food to eat. On the day of my birthday, he took me on a date to a fancy restaurant and gave me the most thoughtful birthday gift.
What was it?
It was a necklace with a little projector screen. If you opened a part facing a white wall, it’d display the words “I love you” in different languages. I’m always trying to learn new languages, so it was perfect.
I agree
From that moment, I kept thinking about how to outdo him for his birthday. But I was so freaked out about making it a great day that I ended up doing nothing.
OMO
I felt bad about it and promised to make it up to him. There’s always a lot of self-imposed pressure for me to do more than he does for me on special occasions. That’s why I’ve already told him to do something small this year. I need the bar to be low so I can surpass it.
But usually, I’m the type of person to buy him a gift on a regular weekday because I think it’s something he needs. For instance, I got him senator materials once; it cost about ₦11k. Then the sandals were ₦17k. I’d also surprised him with a wristwatch on his birthday during our service year in 2021, and it cost ₦15k.
That’s cute. How long have you been together?
Nearly two years. We were in our final year of uni when we met in 2019 and became friends. Before meeting him, I never saw myself dating someone the same age and was in the same class as me, but one kiss from him took him off the friend zone.
Interesting
One month after we kissed, we were practically in a relationship. We’d spent all our time together, talking and taking strolls to my hostel. But after I went home in October, I started reconsidering what we were doing.
What do you mean?
We’d soon be fresh graduates looking for how to navigate our lives. It didn’t make sense to be with someone at a similar point in their life. I didn’t know how to tell him, so I ghosted.
Ouch
I know it was a terrible thing to do, but I just didn’t know how to explain it to him.
When I was posted to Lagos for law school in January 2020, I started praying he’d be anywhere but Lagos. But he was.
The first day he saw me, he walked up and acted like nothing had happened. I think it was because he noticed I looked like I was trying to enter the ground.
I reached out to him the following week to ask if we could talk, and we did. He said he understood how I felt but was hurt by how I handled it because we were supposed to be friends.
Valid
Because I was the one who fucked up, I doubled down on the friendship. I was always reaching out to him and making plans to hang out together. I was even going to him with my relationship issues.
Sorry?
I had gotten into a relationship before law school. He was older than me, had a promising career and was good-looking — a spec.
But after reconnecting and building our friendship for four months, I realised I was more emotionally attached to Femi, so I ended that relationship.
Then you started dating?
It wasn’t until July 2021 before we discussed giving a relationship a chance. After law school, we ensured we were posted to the same place for NYSC, so we wouldn’t have to deal with long distance in the first year of our relationship. We ended up serving in Ibadan.
How was life in Ibadan?
It was simple —much slower than Lagos. There was also no traffic so we could spend more time together. We tried to go out at least twice a month and have fun on a budger — a ₦500 bike ride to an amusement park. We’d get drinks, ₦1200 shawarma and just chill.
I remember Christmas last year — he’d kept aside ₦30k for outings, but we only spent about ₦15k at the mall, even after playing all the arcade games and eating everything we wanted.
Could never be Lagos
We actually spent most of our time indoors. He’d visit me, and we’d order something from Chicken Republic, or I’d cook. Then we’d spend the day gisting, watching movies, and trying to connect to our inner Gen Z by doing TikToks.
Did it work?
We failed woefully. We’re old people at heart, please.
LOL. How much were you guys earning?
My combined income was ₦66k: my PPA paid ₦13k plus the ₦33k allawee and ₦20k monthly allowance my mum sent. I also started making money from my sewing business — ₦5k here, ₦6k there. As for Femi, he was getting ₦20k at his PPA, the regular ₦33k. He occasionally got about ₦50k – ₦80k from his side hustle doing assignments for master’s students. But it wasn’t frequent, so we were doing broke love.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here
Screamingg. How have things changed now?
We have better-paying jobs and a rule of going out once a week. The place we go to is chosen alternatively, and whoever is in charge of that week will cover the outing cost.
What’s the most money you’ve spent?
₦6k. I mostly opt for traditional restaurants or amala joints where we can eat.
Who’s better with money?
Me! This man is always quick to spend money on me while I have to budget. I’m very meticulous with all areas of my life, and finance is part of it. I follow a budgeting rule for my expenses.
Smart money FR
That’s me! I like planning. I’ve even tried to create a sheet to help Femi track his spending, but he keeps talking about how most of his expenses are unplanned. Sometimes he’s broke few weeks after receiving salary, but somehow, he finds a way to manage. If I tried to live that life, I’d end up under a bridge.
LMAO
Did I add that he put me on a monthly allowance? He started with ₦5k during NYSC and now adds ₦5k here, ₦10k there. Omo, maybe he’s better with managing money and I’m just good at accounting.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I’m trying to build one. I take aside ₦130k from my ₦260k salary every month. I send ₦50k as part of my repayment plan for the ₦500k my mum loaned me when I wanted to get my place. Another ₦50k is for next year’s rent, and the ₦30k is the proper savings. I have about ₦180k currently in my savings.
And your boyfriend?
We’re working on it. He currently earns less than me and his side hustle has been pretty slow, so he’s going on vibes and inshallah.
What is your ideal financial future as a couple?
I want us to have invested our money in things with appreciation value. I think he wants us to travel for vacations. We don’t have any joint savings now, but I’d also like the wedding fund sorted.
Wedding fund?
Yes, spare money I’m gathering to put into my wedding. I saw it in a movie where the character was trying to save for her dream wedding; I don’t have a dream wedding — I just want something small, so I started it as a joke, but now I have about ₦40k.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Pexels (Actual interview subjects are anonymous)
20-year-old Kabir is an NYSC member who believes in expressing love through gifts. In this interview, he talks about his money anxieties, moving from “Fanta and meat pie” dates to proper restaurant outings and exploring sex with multiple partners in his open relationship.
Occupation and location
A freelance writer serving with the NYSC in Jos.
Average monthly income
I get a ₦30k allowance from my dad and ₦33k from the government. My PPA pays me ₦10k, and I make the occasional ₦20k on small writing gigs.
Relationship expenses
Birthday gifts: ₦25 – 35k
Transportation to Abuja: ₦7k monthly
How did you meet your partner?
Through my secondary school bestie who was dating him.
Hollup
It was sometime in July 2019. I was with my friend at his house when he said Allen, his boyfriend, was coming over and suggested I wait to meet him. The three of us spent the rest of the day gisting and walking around the estate.
Allen was not as expressive as my best friend wanted, which led to quarrels that led to a three-month breakup, with me playing mediator the whole time. After they got back together, my best friend created a group chat with all three of us, and that’s how I got Allen’s phone number.
Tell me you didn’t?
LMAO. No jo. We only texted because he posted this fine 10/10 man on his status. I asked who he was, and he replied that it was his cousin. We bantered about how they were fine in their family.
Talking to him, I felt horrible because we had a genuine connection. Although he and my friend broke up two months later, it took a year in talking stage, bonding over shared trauma, before we started dating.
What shared trauma?
We were healing from the relationship with my best friend. Making new friends when I got into university later that year helped me realise how toxic the friendship was. He always made me feel less, made fun of my work and gaslighted me every chance he got. So when he sent me a long-ass paragraph about how I didn’t text, I told him we couldn’t be friends anymore because I was tired of reducing myself.
How did it go with Allen after that?
I was schooling and living in Osun state, while Allen lived in Abuja. So we only saw each other when I was in Abuja. We went to the park once, but most of our dates were at the cinema. He’d pay ₦3k for both our tickets sometimes, other times I got my own ticket. And we’d get snacks — meat pie and Fanta after.
Cute
He was a graduate in his mid-20s, and I thought he was very tight-fisted at the time. My dad had money, so it’s not like I wanted his. I just couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t allow himself to enjoy small luxuries like using Uber instead of public transport or changing his phone instead of continuously fixing it.
But later, I realised he was only like that because he was unemployed and broke.
What’s changed now?
We go on dates to fancy restaurants, drink wine and eat Indian food. Both times we’ve done this, it cost ₦50k. He’s also very thoughtful and buys me things I like. For my birthday in 2020, he bought me a pair of Chelsea boots, perfumes and pringles. Last year, he got me scented candles, a diffuser, two perfumes, a planner, a tote bag and kilishi. He also got me an Apple watch a few months prior.
What about 2021?
Oh, we’d broken up for six months.
Sorry?
I already knew he wasn’t the most expressive. But between being unemployed and living at an aunt’s place, he was going through a lot, which affected us even more. It didn’t help that I was in Osun state. At the beginning of 2021, I sent a text telling him I didn’t think he was reciprocating my energy, nor did I feel loved. He called me upset because he couldn’t believe I thought that.
The following day, I burst into tears in the middle of prayers with my family and ran out of the mosque. My brother had to come check on me. I told him what had happened, and he advised me to keep the friendship since Allen obviously meant so much to me.
So I called Allen back some days later, and we went back to talking every day and just being close friends. By mid-2021, when I was going through a lot mentally, I leaned on him a lot. And he’d also just gotten an engineering job that paid him ₦75k monthly. At some point, the relationship started again.
I need the deets
When I returned to Abuja, we agreed to meet up. He had a place, and I went there to see him. It started with casual talk about life then moved to intense talk about what we meant to each other and our lives together.
Do you have conversations about money?
All the time. He’s the more financially literate, so he knows all about the stocks and bonds market. While I save my regular ₦10 – 15k, he has stocks with a telecommunication company in Nigeria and some his dad left him when he passed. He mentioned in July 2022 that he wanted to get me stocks, but due to the fall in the stock market, he hasn’t gotten around to it.
Do you ever ask him for money?
I can ask him if I don’t have, but I’d hate to make it a habit. I could say I don’t have money, and he’d send me ₦5 – 10k.
Do you get him gifts?
For his birthday, I got him a gold bracelet which cost ₦20k, and a wireless charger which cost ₦35k. Sometimes, he reminds me that I don’t have to do so much because he knows how much I earn. But I believe in expressing my feelings through gifts, so if I see something I think he’ll like, I get it. For instance, his watch strap is bad, so I want to get him a new one.
That’s sweet
We’ve both grown so much together. He’s gone from not having a job to getting one that takes him on international trips. And I’ve allowed myself to love someone enough to be vulnerable with them. I grew up with a misogynist father, and I was always against commitment because I didn’t want to be caged.
What changed?
We’ve worked hard at communicating our feelings better. He makes me feel cared for and listened to. I also made sure to leave the relationship open. Although sex is not that deep to me, being able to experience it with other people makes commitment feel less like a cage. Because I don’t think being in a relationship with one person means sexual urges or desires will shut down. It’s easy for me to separate sex from emotional connections. So I may hook up with people I meet on Twitter, but it’s nothing serious. Allen and I ensure we never get involved without the other person knowing.
In September 2022, my now ex-best friend, Allen’s ex, called him trying to come over to his place, but he told him his baby was coming over. And then revealed who the baby was.
OMO. How did he take it?
I don’t know. I never reached out. We’d cut all communication, so I didn’t see the need to tell him.
True. What’s your ideal financial future?
I like nice things but we’re not flashy people. We just want to be able to afford things we want, buy a house, and go on vacation maybe twice a year. Allen’s career has already taken off and is doing quite well, hopefully, after NYSC I’ll get a good writing job that pays well.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I try to save a lot because I’m very anxious about money, and poverty scares me. I want to be able to fund the life of comfort I grew up with by myself. So whenever I get my allowance or money gifts, I keep a portion of it aside. I have about ₦300k in my Piggyvest safe lock.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Freepik
Oge (33) met Ugo (31) on Twitter in 2021. Two years and 30+ love emails later, they’re engaged and planning their future together on a combined income of ₦280k.
Occupation and location
Admin officer living in Lagos
Monthly income
I earn ₦80k.
Monthly and recurring relationship expenses
2022 birthday gifts: ₦20k
2023 birthday gifts: ₦30k
Occasional dates: ₦10 – 15k
Ajo savings: ₦30 – 40k
How did you meet your boyfriend?
We were Twitter mutuals who occasionally interacted on each other’s tweets. He’s a dietician, so one day in March 2021, he made a post about losing weight. I commented asking why he never talked about people trying to gain weight. He asked me to send a DM. I did and after a consultation, he gave me a meal plan.
For free?
He charges ₦15k for that but asked me to pay ₦5k because we were mutuals. I paid ₦3k upfront and planned to pay the ₦2k balance as time went on, but I never did. I also didn’t have time or money to afford the diet. Every time he followed up on my progress, I gave him an excuse for not starting yet.
He reached out to me about once a week for a month. So when I didn’t hear from him for two weeks, I decided to check up on him. He explained that he was busy, and I joked about him needing pampering. He asked if I was willing to take up the job. I said only if he applied via email. And that was the beginning of our cute emails to each other. They were random emails we sent to apologise, resolve arguments and express love.
I was a bit concerned he was almost three years younger than me, but that was easily forgotten as I got to know him. We started dating by the end of June.
How do you feel about the age gap now?
Apart from the bants — I joke that he doesn’t have respect for his elders while he tells me I’m an agbaya — the age gap is insignifcant and we respect each other.. Although, I try to ask occasionally if there are times he felt like I disrespected him because I’m older.
I’ve learnt to be expressive and intentional because of how open and accountable he is. He tells me everything, from how much comes into his account to what his coworkers did at work. It’s how we were able to cope when I was in Ghana.
Ghana keh?
I got a job as an admin officer at my uncle’s construction firm in Ghana just a month after we started dating, and I had to move.
How was life in Ghana?
It was actually pretty good. I was earning GH₵2k (₦160 – 180k depending on the exchange rate at the time of conversion). I lived in my uncle’s house and the company covered most of the transportation cost. I also bought perfumes from Nigeria to sell there.
Why did you come back to Nigeria?
I came to visit in September 2022, but someone I’d worked with previously reached out to me to help her oversee her business because she’d relocated. My uncle’s construction project had ended, so I decided to extend my stay in Lagos. I met my boyfriend’s family the following month.
Formal introduction?
Sort of. He met my mum and dad, and I met his as well. They already knew about me, but when I met them, there was a lot of scrutiny about my age. You know how the typical Nigerian thinks when a woman is past 30, it’s harder for her to conceive and impossible for her to be submissive when she’s older than you. None of those stopped Ugo from proposing in January though.
It was a flop. He knows I hate public proposals, so he was planning a surprise at the beach with about three of my friends. Weeks before the day, his mum called me to ask about the engagement and why we chose the beach.
OMG
I was with him, so he heard the conversation and was livid. The day he actually proposed, it was via email. We had an argument earlier in the day and were barely speaking. I went to bed pretty upset with him, but when I woke up hours later in the night, I saw he’d sent messages to my phone asking me to check my email. We spent the night reading all the emails we’d sent to each other since we met, and the last one was him apologising and if I wanted to marry him, I should reply with a “Yes”. I did.
Do you have conversations about money?
Since 2021, when he was earning ₦80k, till now that he earns ₦200k, he’s been transparent about how much money comes in, goes out, and how much he saves. He knows how much I earn and I save too. We’re both part of an ajo. We save ₦30k each, and I try to save up to ₦40k in some months.
From your ₦80k salary?
It’s hard, but I try to stay within budget. I cook all my meals, and I don’t buy things for myself as often. I stay in my apartment most of the time, so I don’t spend a lot on transport.
How much money goes into the relationship?
We don’t really go out. Except for family events and church programmes, we’ve gone on about two dates at a restaurant under ₦15k. But the picnic date we had at the beach cost well over ₦20k because we bought snacks, drinks and fruits. I usually prefer we cook, watch movies and just gist indoors instead of eating out. Most of the money we spend is on gifts.
How often do you give each other gifts?
For his 30th birthday in January 2022, I got him a bracelet and a watch. I also got him a cake because he said he’d never gotten one. Everything was about ₦20k. I was still in Ghana during Valentine, so he sent a wig and dress through my mum who was coming to see me. He also randomly gets me bracelets, earrings, shoes or whatever he thinks I’d like when he sees them.
That’s sweet
This year, I made a traditional outfit for him with slides to match for his birthday. I got the material from the market myself and made an ankara gift box, so everything cost about ₦30k.
I also got him two t-shirts, bracelets, a chopping block and wooden spoon set on my way from Ghana.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I saved a lot during my year in Ghana, so I have about ₦300k in my fixed deposit account.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
Asides his practice as a dietician, Ugo has a packaged date palm business. We’re hoping to expand distribution to supermarkets after he gets it registered with NAFDAC. I also plan to quit my current job in March, so I’m looking to get a better paying job, probably one remote as a virtual assistant. We’re praying and hoping something good happens because we can’t possibly start a family on our current income.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
From a student’s first Valentine with his girlfriend to the long-distance married couple and the writer receiving gifts from three different partners, this special #LoveCurrency edition explores the cost of Valentine’s Day for Nigerians in different types of relationships.
Product designer living in Lagos on a ₦400k salary
How did you meet your boyfriend?
We were in our third year working on a group project, and he asked to get a recording I’d made during the class. I was in a relationship at the time, and he was breaking off his relationship. By our final year, we’d become close friends who talked and hung out. Since we were both single, we started dating in 2018.
How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?
Between our busy schedules and Lagos traffic, we spend most Valentine’s Days at home. I don’t even remember it’s a special day, but sometimes, he buys me gifts.
Do you have a memorable one?
In 2021, we had a car movie date. We usually do this once a month, so for February, we used Valentine’s Day. We went to Ikeja City Mall to buy snacks, chose the two to three movies we’d see in sequence and set up his laptop in the car outside his house, while we snuggled up in the backseat.
He also got me a ring light and make-up — foundation, lip gloss, powder and eyeshadow pallet, all Maybelline products — because he knew I’d been saving their posts on IG.
Did you get him anything?
I sent a small chops tray to his office with a note asking him to be my Valentine. I also got him these Chelsea boots I saw he’d bookmarked on his Twitter. Everything cost about ₦35 – 40k.
How much were you making at the time?
I worked as an account manager, and my monthly income was between ₦150 – 250k, commissions included.
University student schooling in Kaduna on a ₦25k+ income
How did you meet your girlfriend?
Our parents knew each other, and we attended the same church. I always thought she was pretty, but I didn’t know how to approach her. Towards the end of 2018, I sent her a friend request on Facebook. We didn’t start chatting until April 2019.
In the three months that followed, we texted and talked over the phone a lot. I could tell she liked me as much as I liked her, so I asked her out in August, and she said yes.
Tell me about your most memorable Valentine’s Day with her
We’ve never really celebrated Valentine. I get her gifts, but because we were in different boarding houses when we were in secondary school, we didn’t see each other till the holidays.
What gifts have you gotten her over the years?
In 2021, I got her a bracelet, rings, perfume and necklace set for about ₦5k. In 2022, I got her four teddy bears — one big one and three small ones. They cost about ₦10k in total. This will be our first Valentine together physically. We’ve both graduated from secondary school, so I’m hoping this year is really special. I got her a Valentine package with flowers, cake, wine, card, bracelet and a customised mug. It cost ₦25k. I’m also planning to take her on a date.
How can you afford gifts?
I work at my mum’s farm, and she pays me ₦1- 2k per day, but it’s not consistent. I also trade forex and give my friend money to place bets for me. He enjoys betting, and he’s good at it. Last week, I gave him ₦20k; he won ₦46k, which is what I’m spending on this Valentine.
Writer living in Osun State on a ₦200k salary
How did you meet your partner?
I met my main partner on Twitter in January 2020. We were both in relationships then, but we spent a lot of time talking to each other. So we got together in July 2020, when our relationships ended.
I met my second partner in November 2021, at a university party, and we hit it off. We weren’t in a defined relationship, but we were together. I met someone else on social media, sometime around December. I had a work event, and I had to reach out to her about it. After the event, we stayed in contact. We didn’t date but we liked each other.
How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day with them?
In 2022, I told them I didn’t want to celebrate it, but I got a charger for my third partner because she’d been saying she needed one. That cost about ₦8500. My first partner got me a really cute dress, the second one got me lunch of about ₦7 – 9k, and my third partner gave me a foot and back massage and we also got ice cream for about ₦5k.
God, when? What are your plans for this Valentine?
I’m actually single for the first time in a while. So, I’ll just spend the day working and watching movies with my ex.
Ex?
The first partner. We broke up some months ago but we’re still pretty close, so why not?
Content creator living in Lagos on a ₦250k salary
How did you meet your partner?
We met at a friend’s beach party in October 2021 and exchanged IG handles and followed each other. But we didn’t really talk till January 2022 when he replied to a story I posted about taking 17 shots. By January 22nd, he asked me out on a date. We went to Rufus and Bees some days after, and from there, we started going out.
When did it become official?
February 27th. The plan was to spend the weekend at a hotel in Ikeja, so we stopped to buy food — he got me my favourite cheesecake. And when we got to the hotel, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
So this is your first Valentine together?
Sort of. Even though we weren’t dating till a week after Valentine, we still exchanged gifts. He got me a romper — I love rompers. I got him a wallet, two-piece co-ord and a man purse, all for about ₦30k. This time, we agreed not to do too much because our anniversary is in two week’s time. My budget for that is about ₦50k. I want to get him one of those gift boxes with shoes in them. But for Valentine’s Day, I got him brownies and a pair of sneakers, which cost about ₦23k. I don’t know what his plans are, but I already got my first gift from him on Sunday — a pair of sneakers.
Executive and HR assistant on a ₦150k salary
How did you meet your partner?
On my birthday in November 2015, a friend of mine posted my picture on BBM. He saw it and fell in love.
FR?
LOL, just kidding. He asked for my BBM pin and we started talking. I wasn’t looking for anything serious because I’d just gotten out of a relationship while he was dealing with an ex. But during one of our midnight calls in March 2016, I asked the “What are we?” question and we agreed it made sense to make it official since everyone already thought we were dating.
And what were you?
A long-distance couple. We were schooling in different universities and even when we were both back to Lagos, he lives in Surulere, while I live in Ibeju-Lekki. But it was still better than him abandoning me in the trenches. In 2018, he went to Canada for his master’s degree.
That’s a heck of a distance
It was. We were barely speaking. Between school, work and the time difference, there was no time When we did speak, it couldn’t be for long. We started to have arguments and eventually, I told him he had to make me a priority too. Communication started to improve after that.
When he finished his master’s, he had more time.
Good
Our relationship took a new turn once he got back. He returned in October 2019 for his sister’s wedding, and visited my dad to introduce himself. I realised he was serious about me.
But when he asked me to marry him in March 2021, I was both scared, nervous and excited. I knew I wanted to marry him, but I just didn’t think I’d get married at 24.
Valid concern
My plan had been to go to Canada for masters, but then it kept taking time because the money wasn’t forthcoming. His plan was for us to get married so he could start processing my spousal visa. So he came back to Nigeria in December 2021 for the wedding.
How do you celebrate special occasions?
He usually sends money, anything between ₦100 – 200k. But for Valentine in 2022, he sent money to my friend and they got food from my favourite restaurant, chocolates, and drinks.
Do you gift him?
I buy him things I think he likes — clothes and jewellery, and either wait till he comes or send it through someone travelling to Canada. Last time I sent a gift was in September 2022. Everything I got was about ₦50k.
Do you have plans for this Valentine?
We honestly don’t go crazy for Valentine. I’m going to work, then coming back home to sleep. I’ve gotten him some t-shirts that cost about ₦20k, but I’ll add some things to them as time goes on.
Media executive living in the UK
How did you meet your partner?
We met on Twitter in November 2018. I asked people what they wanted before the end of the year and he said a date with me. He slid into my DM and we fixed a date but then I didn’t hear from him till weeks later. He apologised and said he was busy with work and wanted us to reschedule.
Did you?
The next time we met was at a mutual friend’s dinner, a few months later. After the dinner, we started talking more on Twitter and hanging out after work. We bonded over Game of Thrones and pedicures. We also had a lot of common beliefs and by lockdown, we were already dating and spent a lot of time together.
When did you start talking about money?
During lockdown, when we were staying together, we used to pull our finances together to buy things.
How do you celebrate special occasions?
We buy gifts for each other regularly, and the more we grow, the more money we have and the higher the quality of gifts. For Valentine in 2021, he got me wine, chocolate and flowers. While in 2022, he got me a camera.
What are your plans for this year?
I got him some gifts. Nike gear, sneakers, loungewear, a backpack, body massager and some other things. They cost about £500. I don’t know what he got me, but he said he spent £1k. We’re going to see a movie on Friday night and a mani-pedi date on Saturday, but for Valentine’s Day itself, we’d probably just sit home and drink wine.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Freepik
After losing a marketing job in Lagos, 30-year-old Chidi moved to Port Harcourt. Five years later, he’s managing a ₦40k teaching job, zero savings, ₦300k debt and a supportive girlfriend who believes his hard work will pay off some day.
Occupation and location
Secondary school teacher living in Port Harcourt.
Monthly income
My salary is ₦40k. But I get between ₦20 – 65k from home lessons. It’s not consistent.
Monthly and recurring relationship expenses
Girlfriend’s birthday: ₦5k each in 2021 and 2022
Miscellaneous: ₦5 – 10k whenever she asks
How did you meet your girlfriend?
She was a beautiful youth corper serving in the secondary school where I taught in 2021. I didn’t think anything would happen between us because I’m Igbo and she’s Yoruba. But one month after we met, we started dating.
How?
Her ex is Igbo, so she didn’t mind dating outside her tribe. And she admired that I was willing to start from somewhere and put in the work, unlike her ex who was unemployed and waiting for an oil company job.
Was that your first job?
No. I had one marketing job in Lagos in 2016. The pay was supposed to be ₦20k for three months before you start earning solely off commissions, but throughout my time on the job, I didn’t get one naira.
You say?
After six months of roaming the streets of Lagos looking for who’ll buy insurance, my brother asked me to stop. I was living with him, and he was paying my transport fare. Some days, they’d ask us to report to their office at Ajah, and my house was in Surulere.
I was 28 years old surviving off random ₦2ks and ₦3ks my sister gave me when I visited her house. I also held on to change from running errands for my brother. That was at most ₦5k a month. Some days, my bet would click, and I’d win big. One time, I used ₦200 to win ₦200k.
How did you spend the money?
I bought a new phone with ₦30k, then I gave my sister over ₦10k for clothes and used about ₦10k for my transport. The rest of the money went to family members and helping with some bills in the house, since I still lived with my brother.
What happened after you quit your job?
I spent a year at home job-hunting. Even though my brother always tells me not to let my grades define me, getting a job with my third-class degree wasn’t easy. So in 2018, when my best friend from university called me to come to Port Harcourt because he thought I had a better chance of getting a job there, I agreed. I know ₦40k is not much but it’s better than sitting home doing nothing. After my first term teaching at the school, I started taking private lessons.
How’s that going?
At first, it wasn’t consistent, and the pay was around ₦20 – 30k. Now, I make ₦65k from two students and get referrals from parents. In 2022, I even got my own place for ₦150k a year. I want my babe to feel comfortable when she comes over.
How does it go when she visits?
We gist, watch movies, and sometimes, she buys foodstuff to cook. Other times, she eats Indomie, cornflakes or whatever I have available.
What does she do?
She’s a fine arts teacher and earns ₦55k for it.
Do you ever give her money?
I don’t give her an allowance, but when she doesn’t have money, I can send ₦5k – 10k. In a month, the most I spend on her needs is ₦10k.
What about gifts on special occasions?
We didn’t do anything for Valentine’s in 2022, but I want to get her a gift this year. My budget is ₦5 – 10k. Our birthdays are both in December, which is also when my rent is due. So I just sent her ₦5k for her last birthday, while she got me a perfume. I also sent her ₦5k for her birthday in 2021, but that was because I was in debt to different loan sharks.
How come?
I started borrowing during COVID. Schools were not in session and only the subjects that didn’t involve calculations — English, Social Studies, Civic Education were included in the online plan. Since I taught mathematics, technical drawing and Physical Education, I wasn’t working or making any money.
I was ready to return to Lagos, but my brother didn’t think it was the best for me.
After I exhausted my savings, he sent me the occasional ₦5k or ₦10k. My friend from work, an older married woman, also gave me and my roommate some foodstuffs. But I still needed money to help with upkeep, food and data, so I turned to loan organisations.
No savings?
With the high cost of living in this country, it’s impossible to save. I tried to in 2019, but when the COVID lockdown started, I had to dip into my ₦50k+ savings. Whatever money I get now is to survive.
I started by borrowing ₦10k to repay ₦13k. Then I borrowed from another loan company to meet the payment deadline. Sometimes, my three younger siblings would call to ask me for money — two are in school — and I can’t say I don’t have. I’d have to send ₦3 – 5k. I was also sending my mum ₦10k, but it wasn’t consistent. In two years, I’ve used over 15 different loan sites, and I’m still owing them a cumulative of ₦300k.
How do you plan to pay?
In December, the government announced that those loan sharks were illegal, so I’m not paying. I used to be scared of their threats, but now, I’m a comrade. I’ve cancelled borrowing sha. I’m trying to leave this school and look for a better-paying job. If I can find a school that’ll pay ₦150k, that’d be great.
Do you have a financial safety net?
If something happens and I need money, I’ll try family then friends. After that, na God hand I dey.
Fair. Does your girlfriend save?
Maybe. On my birthday in 2021, she surprised me with a cake, small chops, food, wine, Hollandia and even shortbread cookies. That must’ve cost a lot of money even with her ₦33k allawee and ₦10k salary from the school.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
My babe and I are trying to work on our finances. Her uncle wants to get her a state job that comes with accommodation and a salary of over ₦100k. When she gets it, we can start saving together, maybe in a joint account.
How do you feel about her earning more than you?
I don’t feel intimidated by that. Even if we get married and she earns ₦1m while I earn ₦200k, I’d still be happy for her. It’d be nice to have a solid support system. She’d pay for things like foodstuff, and I’ll handle rent.
Nice
I don’t plan to be a teacher forever. The future is tech, so I want to learn to program. I could learn online or from my babe’s brother-in-law who’s offered to teach me. I just haven’t gotten money for a laptop yet. My brother also promises to teach me forex once he finishes learning this year.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Unsplash
Peace*, at 23 years old, is working two jobs, saving more than half her salary and planning her relocation to the UK. In this #LoveCurrency, she talks about saving since she was 10, getting back together with her ex after a year and her father’s disapproval of marrying at a young age
Occupation and location
Medical Lab Scientist living in Port Harcourt.
Monthly income
I currently earn ₦249k monthly. ₦150k from my main job, and ₦99k from my internship.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Data: ₦12k
Transport: ₦16k. Twice a month, she spends an average of ₦8k per trip to and from Warri, Delta state, where she works.
Snacks: ₦10k on random cravings
Tithe: ₦24,900
Savings: ₦150k total. ₦100k from ₦150k salary, ₦50k from ₦99k salary.
She doesn’t pay rent because she lives with her parents.
How do you have two jobs?
Technically, I have one job and housemanship that I’m ghosting. It’s at a government hospital, and I barely go there. But I work at a private school health company in Warri. I’m there for two weeks every month.
Does that affect your relationship?
Not at all. The work is not time-consuming, so my boyfriend and I text, talk over the phone and send snaps whenever I’m away.
Nice. How did you meet?
You know how you have a cool friend you enjoy talking to online but have never met? That was Tobi in 2015. We had just graduated from secondary school, he claimed to know me from school. Our schools were close to each other, and I’d also heard of him. So we became Facebook friends. We moved to WhatsApp some months after but made no plans to see each other. He had a girlfriend at the time, and I liked him as a friend anyways.
What changed?
We were always talking on and off, but then one day in 2018, he called to check up on me, and we spoke for about two hours about general life and school — he’d moved to Cyprus for university. Our communication became stable after that; we would have long calls, texts, and send each other snaps.
In 2019, he asked me out, and I agreed. But then, I messed up, and the relationship ended a year later.
Ahh. What did you do?
I had a “fling” with someone else and told him about it. This was in February 2020. I liked him, but my head wasn’t in the relationship. He was schooling outside Nigeria, while I was in Nigeria, unsure of when he’d return. We’d started the relationship long-distance, and it didn’t seem like a good decision anymore.
After the confession, we decided to break up. Our conversations slowed down, and we’d stopped talking completely by July. That’s why I wasn’t expecting the snap I got from him in December.
What was in the snap?
He sent his location, which showed Port Harcourt. Even though I was very excited he was around, I didn’t expect him to want to see me. But in February 2021, he texted me, and we met at a lounge. It was my life’s best date.
Why?
Finally meeting him in person was amazing. The conversation was great, he made snaps of us, and we held hands. He also sent me a sweet text later in the evening saying it was the best and most affordable date he’d been on.
How affordable was this date?
I’m not sure because I didn’t pay. And I had a date with my friends later, so I didn’t want to eat. We had wine and small chops or peppered chicken — I can’t remember.
Then we saw each other again in March. I went to see him at the hotel he was staying, and we spent the weekend together.
That sounds nice
Lol. Me that went there with my books. I had my final year exam that Monday, and man was not going to be why I failed.
LMAO
Tobi is the type of person who just enjoys having you in his space. He didn’t mind that I was reading. He made sure I was comfortable and showered me with food. From rice to parfait, chocolates and ice cream. I don’t know how much those cost, but the hotel was at least ₦20k per night, and we stayed for two nights.
That must’ve been nice
It was. He was back in Nigeria because he’d graduated, so we went back to normal talking. A few months later, I started distancing myself from him to figure out what was happening since we weren’t dating. I didn’t talk to him or any other guy and just prayed for God to direct me. He texted me in May confessing his feelings for me and wanting us to get together.
See God
His birthday fell on the same day as my seminar defence, so I was busy. But I got him a cake and made a trad set for him. It was a bit tight, so he never wore it. Everything was about ₦50k.
Things were smooth until our near-breakup in March 2022, just after my birthday.
You say?
I had been on my shift that week, so I got home to see that he’d sent this huge cake, two lovely slippers and a food tray — I was really happy.
I don’t know what was wrong with me, but when I called the next day, I accused him of not allowing my picture stay 24 hours on his status.
God, abeg
Omo, he was so furious. For the two weeks that followed, communication was very passive-aggressive. We had plenty of quarrels; one was about the guy responsible for our first break-up.
I was worried my friends were already getting placement for their housemanship and I wasn’t. I tried to speak to him about it, but he was still barely talking to me, so he didn’t care. I reached out to the other guy because we were friends, and he had a connect who got me a placement at a government hospital.
When he found out, he was even more upset that not only did I still talk to the guy, I’d gotten a job through him.
Well
It was a whole thing. I ended up deleting the guy’s number for my peace, TBH. And then, he confided in my friend who called me later to explain that he was hurt. He’d cleared his account to get me gifts, and I was picking a fight over WhatsApp status.
When we talked about it, I told him I didn’t think he’d be upset about something I said jokingly, and I’d prefer to hear how he was feeling from him rather than a third party. He said he believed I knew why he was upset, so he didn’t want to spell it out. I told him that if we didn’t break up after that, we can’t break up again.
Then he got an offer to manage his friend’s business in Ghana, so he moved there. In April, my iPhone 11 Pro Max arrived and a gold chain weeks later. He’d literally gotten everything on my wishlist.
God, when? How does one even top that?
You don’t. I got him a football jersey he wanted — it was about ₦65k — and some skincare products which cost ₦13,500.
Not bad
In September 2022, he asked me to visit him in Ghana. I told him I couldn’t go until he asked my mum. My mum knew about him because she’d heard my sister and uncle joke about him. She also met him during my induction in September 2021, but you know Nigerian mothers. She said she read a WhatsApp BC where a man murdered his wife during a trip to Ghana. It took plenty of begging and convincing from my sister and uncle before she agreed.
LOL
I spent about eight days in Ghana, and it was so much fun. We went to a spa on the second day, hung out with his friends the day after and went for dinner on the fourth day. We went to the beach, went bowling, did karaoke, visited a botanical garden and got kente material from their market. We also went to the mall too many times to count.
Who paid for this thing?
He did. He said he’d been saving up for a while for the trip.
Do you have any idea how much he earns?
Nope. I can tell when he has money though, because whenever he doesn’t, he gets cranky.
Don’t we all?
He trades crypto in addition to the business in Ghana, so he tells me when his deals are successful. Some days, it’s ₦50k, others, ₦500k. I assume for someone to spend over ₦1m on a trip, which is what I estimated he spent, he’d have up to ₦4m more. Or at least, that’s how it works for me. I save more than I spend.
Does he know how much you earn?
Yes, he saw my alert one day during the trip. I usually never admit I have money. I learnt that from my mum.
LOL
Growing up, she taught me that you don’t need to spend all the money you have. You have to keep a portion aside. From when I was ten years old, I used to keep some part of whatever money I was gifted in a pink purse she gave me. Even though I kept the purse in her room, I remember sneaking out random ₦200s and ₦300s to give my uncle who lived with us then. He promised to buy me a car when I was in university.
Screaming
I know Tobi has savings in dollars, cryptocurrency, and also invests in gold. I like not knowing how much he earns because I don’t want to get greedy or worry about how he spends his money.
Has this happened before?
Yes. When he returned to Port Harcourt in December 2022, he splurged on clothes, a ps5, a hotel room and outings. We went on two dates — one with his friend and his girlfriend and another with my friend and her husband. The double date with my friend cost about ₦40k in total. Tobi covered it after a tussle with the husband, who also wanted to pick the tab. With his friend, it was about ₦70k. He picked that up too, but the friend said he’d reimburse him. I don’t know how that ended, TBH. He wanted to enjoy December, so I get it.
After he got to Ghana, I texted him to ask if he still had his “UK money”, and he said yes.
UK money?
I’m trying to get a UK nursing job, and he’s been saving up to relocate too.
So you’re going as a couple?
No o. Even though it’d be easier, my dad doesn’t believe in young people getting married before they’re settled financially. I’m just 23 years old. He doesn’t even know I have a serious boyfriend, talkless of marriage. He lives in the UK and hasn’t been home since 2019, so I’ll just wait until I see and talk to him face-to-face.
What about your mum?
In December, I asked Tobi to come and state his intentions because my mother was asking. He did.
So you did intro?
Intro sounds too serious, abeg. Don’t give me anxiety. But yes, they met officially. He also bought 25 litres of groundnut oil for her and added ₦50k. I was at work, so when I returned, she said I had to get something for his mum.
Did you?
Yes, I got her an ankara material and added the money for sewing — about ₦20k. I’d gotten his mum stuff previously. A bag for her birthday, and I also got his niece a teddy bear for her birthday. ₦15k, respectively.
How much have you spent on special gifts for him?
On Valentine’s last year, I got him a t-shirt, a cute short and a button shirt which cost ₦25k. For Christmas, I got him a shoe he told me he liked on IG. It was ₦35k. And a food tray of ₦12k that was delivered to him on Christmas Eve.
What did he get you for Christmas?
He gave me ₦200k. He owed me about ₦97k, though. Sometimes, he asks me to help him pay for stuff or send money to someone, but whenever he’s sending it back, he sends extra. I never have to ask before he gives me money. If I mention something I want, as long as he can get it, he will. If he can’t, he’ll assist with part of it.
Interesting. Do you have a financial safety net?
I have ₦500k in my savings and ₦100k I lent someone. So, ₦600k. Everything relocation is being taken care of by my dad.
What’s your financial future as a couple?
It depends on how much money I earn and the cost of living where we’ll stay. But I want to be able to save £500 – 700 a month. And when Tobi gets a tech job — he’s started taking classes online — we’ll move to £1k or more.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Unsplash (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
Bella* is living the baby girl life, with no job, heavy bills or need for savings. In this interview, she talks about meeting her two current boyfriends on Instagram and having her parents as her safety net.
Occupation and location
University student living in Oyo state
Monthly income
I get a standard ₦60k monthly allowance from my parent and between ₦80 – 100k from my partner.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Data: ₦22k
Feeding: ₦40k
Transportation: ₦20k
Wardrobe: ₦30k
There’s also my ₦200k rent, but it’s taken care of by my parents.
No savings?
I try to keep money aside sometimes, but it’s always with a goal in mind. I invested in a clothing line one time in 2020. I started with bespoke, so people paid me before I made their clothes. But when I decided to expand to ready-to-wear with ₦50k, the tailors messed up the sewing and fabric choice. I ended up having to give out most of them to friends. Abeg, I don’t like suffering. Whenever I get money now, I try to make myself comfortable.
What does that look like?
Buying things that make me happy — clothes, shoes, food. I’ve spent ₦33k on two dresses in the last two weeks. Like now, I want to change my phone, and I have about ₦250k, but if I use it, I’d have to survive on garri till like February. My boyfriend promised to send me money for a new phone, so I’ll just wait.
How often does he give you money?
Sometimes, once a month; other times, it’s more. He usually gives me ₦80 – 100k. Although he recently sent ₦150k, so there’s no telling with these things.
How did you guys meet?
We met on Instagram in August. Laide* slid into my DM, and we started talking. He’s in his early 30’s and works in the US, while I’m 22 years old, living and schooling in Ibadan, Oyo state.
I planned to visit Lagos the following week, and coincidentally, he was going there too, so we made plans to see. In retrospect, he’d been following me on IG for a while, so he probably waited till he was visiting Nigeria to text me.
And what was your first meeting like?
It was nice. We met at a Chinese restaurant. I can’t remember how much the food I got was, but I know the menu was pricey. The food came in platters, and we had a cocktail and mocktail respectively. He spent an average of ₦70k on our everything. We spent the whole day and the next together.
How?
I was staying at a friend’s place in Lagos, so I just texted her that I wasn’t coming back that day. I spent the night at his place. The next morning, we went out for breakfast. I honestly have no idea how much that cost. We went back to his place after that, and his family visited later in the day. Meeting his little nieces and nephews was fun. Then he gave me $200 cash when I left in the evening.
What did you spend the money on?
I had an occasion to attend, the asoebi plus sewing cost ₦45k. I also got some clothes and shoes. A dollar was about ₦700 then, so it was a lot. I spent the rest of the week visiting some friends and family I had in Lagos. Then almost a week later, he wanted us to see again. This time, we met at his friend’s lounge. It was more of a group hang because he had about five friends there. They were really nice and tried to involve me in all their conversations — from politics to relationships. In the end, they split the ₦150k bill.
I went back to Ibadan after that, but we stayed in contact. Two weeks later, he said he was returning to the US and would like for me to see him off to the airport. I already liked him at this point, so I came back to Lagos. I got in the day before the flight, and we spent the day at his place with his friends and family. In the morning, we went to the airport and said our goodbyes. He sent me ₦100k before he left.
Aww
Wait, there was another time we met, a few days before he travelled. He’d gone to see a friend in Ibadan, and on his way to Lagos, he stopped by my place in school. We spent some hours together and got to know each other really fast. That’s why it seemed normal to start dating before he returned to the US.
A long-distance relationship?
Yes. The first month was hard because of the time difference. When I’m free, he’s at work; when he’s free, I’m busy. Sometimes, we went a whole week without talking to each other. I’d try to text and call, but he won’t respond.
How did that make you feel?
Like I couldn’t rely on him emotionally which made me so upset, I ended up splurging on a dress.
How much?
I can’t remember, but the highest I’ve spent on my shopping sprees is ₦20k. I’m a stress shopper. At the slightest inconvenience, I go to the supermarket to buy random stuff. Sometimes, I buy for my siblings; sometimes, my friends.
Interesting
We eventually spoke about it, and he explained he was going through a hard time. He’s not the most expressive person, so I don’t try to coerce him into telling me something he doesn’t want to.
How are things now?
Way better. Since we spoke about it, he started to put more effort into communicating, plus we understand each other better. I realised I have to overlook some of his shortcomings to keep enjoying what we have now. Now, we text and send memes often, and when we can, we talk on the phone — usually for two to three hours. The relationship is not intense, but we’re good. It also helped that he came back for the holidays in 2022.
What are the things you enjoy?
Money. He sent me ₦100k and a cake platter for my birthday in October 2022. During his December visit, he also bought me a lot of clothes, shoes and a designer bag.
And what gifts have you given him?
Nothing. He’s in the US, so that’d be difficult. And he doesn’t care for his birthdays. He appreciates that I even make the effort to be the first to call and wish him a happy birthday. He doesn’t expect anything from me, TBH.
How do you know?
I tend to gravitate towards people who treat me like a princess. I always get hair, clothes and shoes, both from people I’m dating and random people online.
Sorry?
I could post online, and guys would slide into my DM. One time, I complained on IG about issues with my bank. One guy asked for my account number and sent ₦50k. Another one sent ₦30k. I can tell some people I like something, and they’d send me the money to get it. Sometimes, we don’t even talk long enough for us to meet offline.
Hmmm
On my birthday, I got at least 50 DMs.
God, please
That’s how I met Emmanuel*, my boyfriend.
Huh?
I have two boyfriends at the moment.
Do they know about each other?
No.
What’s the plan?
I don’t have one. Time could pass, and Laide and I would end things or Emmanuel and I would stop talking. I’ll just let time solve it because I’ve decided to have my cake and eat it.
Emmanuel is really sweet. He texts me every morning to tell me I’m the most beautiful girl he’s seen. We started dating this January, about a month after we started talking.
Is he at least in Nigeria?
Yes. He stays in Ibadan as well, so it was easy for him to come and visit me in December, just a few weeks after we started talking. We spent the day gisting, which was nice. He buys me food all the time. He’d just ask me what I want to eat today and have it sent to me. The food costs between ₦2 – 4k, and he does this at least once a week. He also gave me ₦25k some weeks ago as compensation for not getting me the wig he promised. He said he had some bills to pay, and I’d have to wait till February.
Okay. How’s Valentine looking with two boyfriends?
Emmanuel mentioned getting me the wig and going on a date, but I don’t know about Laide. He’s not very romantic. I’d usually have to ask for what I want before he gives me, and I think it’d be inconsiderate of me to ask because he’s planning to send money for my phone.
Fair. Will you get gifts for any of them?
I haven’t decided yet. Maybe for Emmanuel.
Aren’t you worried they’ll find out about each other?
I don’t think that’s possible because they’re in entirely different circles. Laide is a businessman abroad. Emmanuel is a student. Also, if anyone leaves, I’d be fine. But usually, I’m the one who leaves. I’ve always been in relationships — although this is the first time I’m dating two people at the same time. I wanted to be single once, but that only lasted one month before I met Laide.
Why?
He was really sweet when we met. I could tell he was really into me. I also try to find love and money in the same person, so he was a great fit. He works hard and has a house in an expensive part of Lagos, so it was giving prime husband material.
Do you have a financial safety net?
Does my family count? Because I can always trust my parents to come through for me. Even if I don’t get boyfriend allowance, I’d be sure of consistent funds from them.
What about your ideal financial future?
I want to earn a stable income from coding. I can focus on exploring my interior design dreams with that income.
Wait, I didn’t know you were a coder
I was learning online before my laptop went bad, but I’ll fix it soon. I’m giving myself like six months to master coding. Till then, I’m living my life the best way I can.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Unsplash (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
Alexei* is a 26-year-old man with a partner who’s 15 years older and earns enough to spend Alexei’s salary in one night. In this interview, he shares the misconceptions about their relationship, the power dynamic and how he gets away with being poor through the power of gifting.
Occupation and location
Customer care representative living in Lagos.
Monthly income
I earn ₦90k monthly.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Transportation: ₦12k
Lunch: ₦30 – 35k
Internet: ₦7k
Savings: ₦25 – 30k
Finish?
I live with my partner, so light and feeding are covered. I spend money only when I’m outside the house or gifting my partner.
How often do you give your partner gifts?
Because of my financial state, I only get them gifts on birthdays, Valentine’s and Christmas. Except for books, which I buy for them randomly.
How did you meet your partner?
Through a friend who posted my picture to wish me a happy birthday. They saw the picture and asked for my number.
Just two days after we started talking, they came to the East, where I was visiting family, to see me.
Why?
They knew what they wanted and were too old to waste time playing games.
From the beginning, they set the power dynamic of money. They stayed in the East for a day before flying back to Lagos. One day later, they asked me out. I’d never been asked out so directly before, so I decided to give it a shot.
How has the relationship been?
We’ll be three years in a few months, so, really good. I’m grateful that I’ve found someone conscious enough not to throw the fact that they make more money than me in my face.
What do you mean?
We never speak about money because they can’t relate to my money struggles. They have a great career and earn about ₦1m monthly. They can travel whenever they want, afford ₦2m couches and spend my entire salary on dinner without batting an eyelid.
But do they give you money?
This is not a sugar baby deal. My friends think I get a monthly allowance, but I don’t. We’re dating, and to me, that means partnership. They get me whatever they think I want, but I don’t ask them for money.
For instance, four months after we started dating, my laptop crashed. I was at their place because I was staying over for a few weeks, so they went out and got me a new one for ₦200k. That was the first time I realised, “Oh, this guy has money.”
Omo
When I moved to Abuja in 2021, my plan was to live with a friend, which I did for a few days. Then one day, they sent me an address and said that it was my new apartment. I got there, and it was already furnished. It had everything from an air conditioner to a bed frame — the rent cost like ₦850k.
How did you navigate the long-distance relationship, though?
We saw each other once every month for a year, sometimes twice. I’d fly to Lagos on weekends or tell my employer I was sick so I could “work from home”.
Where were you working?
I was working at an investment firm where they paid me ₦70k. It was an internship that was supposed to run for six months, after which I’d be confirmed. But then, they asked for an extra six months, and at the end of that, they still fired me.
Wild
It happened around the middle of 2022. I started job hunting a few months later, and I got invited to an interview in Lagos. That’s when I decided to move back to Lagos full-time. But instead of shuttling between friends’ houses like I had done in the past, I decided to live with my partner.
What’s living with a tentative sugar daddy like?
Our dates are very sporadic. Sometimes, we go months without a single date; other times, we go six times a month. The minimum spend is ₦40k, which they cover.
Since I don’t pay for stuff, I put a lot of thought into the gifts I give them. For Valentine’s Day in 2021, I commissioned four paintings with special notes behind each of them, which cost about ₦40k in total. That year, I also got them a nice senator material that cost ₦50k and a blue watch — because they love wristwatches but don’t have one in that colour — for about ₦70k. Even though they literally have everything they want, getting gifts that show I’m thinking of them is how I get away with being poor.
Smartest
I want to do nice things for them without having to wait for special occasions. There was this day we went shopping at Spar, and the bill was a little over ₦200k, but their card was declined. The whole time they tried to sort it out, I doubt they even considered me as an option. And sometimes, it’s things like this that get to me. Something I’ve noticed is when we go to high-end stores, the staff is nonchalant to me until they walk in. Then, the staff rushes to attend to them. It’s emasculating. I realised this is what women go through every time. Am I the woman in our relationship now?
Tears
The worst happened two weeks ago. I’d sent their official driver to help me pick up a delivery, and when they came back to the house, the security guard knocked and said, “They’re looking for your daddy.”
Ah
In my head, I thought maybe I did look poor. The guy insisted that my “daddy” should come to receive the package until I identified the driver and said I was the one who asked for the things. In his defence, he was new.
I’m sha giving myself till the end of this year to get my life on track. There’s this project management certification of ₦400k I’m saving for. If not for some unfortunate incidents, I should’ve been able to afford it by now.
What’s taking all your money?
Last year, I lost about ₦800k to a bad investment deal, borrowed a relative ₦1m, and the moving cost from Abuja to Lagos was about ₦60k. I also tend to send friends random ₦5ks a lot. Someone could call and tell me in passing that they hadn’t eaten, and I’d send them money.
Please, where did all this money come from?
LOL, I used to do a lot of freelance creative and copywriting gigs from the time I was in school up until 2020. Sometimes, I’d get paid between $200 – $300 per work; other times, ₦40k here, ₦50k there. And I could comfortably survive on ₦15k for one month. I didn’t go out or eat out and only bought clothes once in a few years. I only spent money on essential things — food and data.
Must be nice
My partner and I are alike in that way. They don’t mind getting me anything as long as it can be considered a necessity. I had an interview last year, and they sent me ₦50k to get a suit so I could look the part. On my birthday weeks later, they surprised me with another suit as “backup”.
God, when?
The most we’ve done for each other was last year’s Christmas. They gave me about ₦1.3m in gifts. I know this because I saw some receipts.
I got a Samsung flip phone, a case to go with it, sneakers, a co-ord top and shirts and Samsung pods pro. I must’ve been a good boy, LOL.
LOL. What did you get them?
I made an outfit for them from the fashion designer they used. I contacted them claiming to be the assistant, so they sent sample styles. That cost me about ₦57k. I also got them a wireless charger for about ₦25k and a kitchen mixer aide — they love having cute gadgets in the house. That one cost ₦60k. All these were from my savings, of course.
Not bad for a “poor boy”
Being with my partner has made me lax with money. It’s not like I suddenly spend on trivialities, but knowing you have someone doing the heavy financial lifting makes you relax a little.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I still have $500 in my domiciliary account and ₦600k in my Piggyvest. My random savings accounts have about ₦100k left.
That’s impressive
I’d be more impressed with myself when I get a better-paying job because I’m turning 27 — this is my last year before I’ll be too old for entry-level jobs. I want to quit my job but need a way to pay for Valentine’s gifts. My taste has also changed. I now like to eat fresh olives, salmon, cheese… I need a good job to afford this lifestyle if they decide to break up one day.
Do I still need to ask about your ideal future?
Well, you already know mine is to get my savings up and contribute meaningfully to the relationship. And for them? They want to relocate in the next three to four years. They might go next year if the election doesn’t go how we want.
Don’t you want to relocate too?
I know they’ll want me to come with them, but I’m not scholarship material. I suck at assessments, and I can’t even afford the application fees for the plenty schools I’d have to apply to right now. What would I do abroad if I can’t get a decent job in Nigeria, even with my 2:1 degree? What happens after six or ten months when he’s tired of catering to my needs?
I don’t know if I want to give someone so much power over me in another man’s country.
*Subject refers to his partner in gender-neutral pronouns, they/them.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Unsplash (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
When Titilayo* met Edwin* in 2015, she was fresh out of NYSC and splurging her salary on clothes. But since they married in 2019, she’s become obsessed with saving. In this article, she tells Zikoko how she’s surviving on only ₦300k out of her ₦1.3m monthly salary while earning more than her partner.
Occupation and location
Tax consultant and accountant living in Lagos
Average monthly income
₦1.3m net salary; an average of ₦2.5m in annual bonuses.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Data: ₦20k
Fuel: ₦20k
Feeding: ₦200k. She mostly buys food in large bowls from restaurants.
Black tax: About ₦20k
Savings: ₦1m
*Her husband covers most of the household expenses such as rent, electricity, DStv, and the likes.
When was the first time you discussed money with your partner?
During the four years we dated, we were very transparent with our finances, but it wasn’t until 2019, when we got married, that I started to emulate some of my husband’s financial habits.
Like what?
Saving! Before we got married, I used to spend over half of my salary on clothes while I struggled to make it through the month with what was left. It wasn’t until our wedding in 2019 that I started to see the importance of savings. Because even though our families took care of a fraction of the wedding’s cost and I paid for a few things, he’s the major reason we were able to have the wedding of our dreams.
First, how did you meet your partner?
I was fresh out of NYSC, and looking for a job that’d pay me well, when a friend of mine said he knew someone who could get me into the Big Four. He linked me up with Edwin, who in turn spoke to his uncle at a Big Four, and helped me secure a job. After I got the job, he’d call to check on me. He was also an accountant, so he’d ask me about courses I took — he showed genuine interest in my career. A couple of months later, he asked me out, and we started dating.
How was that?
It was nice. From Edwin’s ₦176k salary, we’d go on restaurant dates at least. He’d gift me ₦30 – 40k on my birthdays, Valentine’s and Christmas. He even got me a Samsung phone that cost around ₦40k four months after we started dating.
What of your salary?
I got him some small things, but the only thing that stands out is a Valentine’s package I got him in 2018 that cost ₦25k. My salary was for me, LOL. After spending about ₦80k on clothes, I’d have to manage the ₦49k left from my ₦129k salary or the rest of the month.
It still surprises me how I moved from being obsessed with spending money on clothes to being obsessed with saving.
What do you mean?
When my salary increased to ₦340k, I started to save ₦200k. When I got to ₦500k, I saved ₦350k. Now, at ₦1.3m, I save ₦1m. I think I can do this because I’m married, so I have someone who takes care of most of the household expenses.
For instance?
He pays ₦650k for rent, and ₦175k for our son’s school fees. In addition to monthly expenses like electricity, DStv or any other minor expense around the house.
How do you do relationship things now?
Between our busy schedules and our son, we don’t go on as many dates as before. In the last six months, we went on three dates, and I paid. Previously, he would pay, but immediately my salary got to ₦800k in 2021, he stopped. On an average, our restaurant dates cost ₦40k, so it’s not as expensive.
We usually go for a mini vacation in December. Edwin gets us a shortlet here in Lagos for a couple of days. The change of environment is nice. We spend most of the time indoors then step out to try out a new restaurant.
That’s sweet
I was having such a nice time being in a different space, that I tried to convince him to let us stay two days more. But considering he had also paid four days at ₦65k per day, he said I’d have to cover the expenses for the extra days, which I did.
We’ve never celebrated an anniversary, and on birthdays, we do the same thing for each other — get a cake, food and friends. Basically, have a small party.
It was ₦980k. In 2022, I got ₦2.5m in four-part bonuses spread throughout the year. It’s from there I buy personal things for myself, send money to my parents and keep emergency funds.
Do you guys have conversations about money?
Because Edwin earns ₦880k, the pay gap is pretty obvious. Whenever I complain about him not chipping in with the feeding, he reminds me that he pays for most of the recurring expenses. He also gets upset when he thinks I’m splurging because I don’t have to pay bills. Sometimes, I wish we could switch to when he earned more.
Why?
It’s a big responsibility being the higher earner because even though I currently hate my job, we can’t afford to lose it. I make a lot of money, but it’s not showing because a chunk of it goes into savings — we’re trying to get a property, and it’s ₦25m.
Has your husband considered working with the Big Four?
Working with the Big Four is a lot of work. As you can imagine, the plenty money they’re paying you is in an exchange for your sweat and blood. Watching first-hand how draining it gets for me is enough to discourage him from wanting to try it. I’ve thought of quitting a couple of times, but I can’t pass off that money.
Do you have any other investments together?
Nope. I suggested a joint account the year we married, but Edwin wasn’t sold on the idea. He said I’d put ₦5k monthly while he put ₦10k. But that barely lasted a year.
Do you have a financial safety net?
Not really. I have ₦15m in savings, but since it’s for our property, I don’t think it counts. I try to keep a separate savings in my PiggyVest account, but honestly, it has never gotten up to ₦1m. The ₦700k I’d gathered was depleted last December. During the holiday, I sponsored a trip with my siblings and another with my husband. I gave my sister ₦150k for a new phone and gave my parents money. It’s just ₦300k left now.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
If we can reach the pinnacle of our careers, we’d be very fine. I could go on vacations, change my car and just enjoy the baby girl lifestyle.
What’s the pinnacle?
I’d become a partner — last I heard, they earned ₦3m net and profit sharing of over ₦100m. While my husband would be CFO, I think. We just need some divine intervention that’d achieve this in five years time.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
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After COVID, Julia* quit her insurance job to focus on being a food blogger. In this article, she tells us how her boyfriend influenced her decision, going from earning ₦30k to ₦700k monthly and her plan to be financially independent.
Occupation and location
Food blogger, social media manager and influencer, living in Abuja
Monthly income
In a slow month, she makes about ₦400k and ₦700k in a good month.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Bolt: ₦84k on average
Data: ₦20k – ₦25k
Clothing: ₦40k
Service charge: ₦12k for light and water
Church donations: ₦150k or less
Savings: She’s part of an ₦80k monthly osusu
Black tax: About ₦100k
How did you meet your partner?
During my NYSC service year in 2019, an uncle got me a job with his brother, “Chairman” (that’s how everyone referred to him). Apart from the insurance company I worked for, Chairman also owned a real estate company where my uncle asked us to meet. When I got there, my uncle wasn’t around yet, I had to find somewhere to wait, and that’s how I ended up in Festus’ office. He worked with the facility management department of the real estate company. We passed the time bantering and just gisting. He even offered me Eclairs chocolate. After two hours of waiting for my uncle, that didn’t show up, I decided to leave and he offered to pay for my cab home.
Oshey, sweet boy
LOL, I agree. I could tell he liked me once we started talking on WhatsApp in the days that followed.
What about you?
I liked him, but I couldn’t date him till after six months.
Why?
I had someone else in my life, so it was complicated. It quickly became uncomplicated after the guy got married to someone else sha, LOL.
And that’s when you started dating?
Yes. Because we can’t really remember the exact date, we chose the date in March 2019, when we first started talking on WhatsApp, to celebrate our anniversary.
How were you doing the relationship thing then?
Even though I passed out from my NYSC in June 2019, I was still working at the insurance company where they paid me ₦30k per month. I didn’t have money to spend on him. He, on the other hand, used to assist a lot with cab fares and ₦5k or more, when I started visiting restaurants for food reviews in February 2020. He even gave me ₦30k for three months because he was trying to convince me to quit my insurance job.
Why?
I didn’t enjoy working there. So he tried to convince me I could afford to leave.
Did it work?
Since we couldn’t go to the office during COVID, I was mostly working from home, and I had time to learn more about social media management. After the COVID lockdown in 2020, the company started talking about transitioning to working from the office and confirming me as a full staff. Even though the salary was going to be increased to ₦70k, I quit. I couldn’t see myself working there any longer.
And what did you do next?
I started working on building my brand. Somedays, I’d visit restaurants to try their menu and make videos for them. My boyfriend would assist with my cab fare and ₦5k on most days. During that time, I was charging ₦5k for six posts. In 2022, my rates moved to ₦100k per post, ₦150k for a reel, and ₦250k for a picture post, story and reel. I even hired two staff to assist me with posting on social media and, on few occasions, creating content from restaurants. I’m in the process of hiring a third person now.
Rich babe!
LOL, I actually get fewer clients now since I reviewed my price list this year. When it was ₦100k for a complete package (story, reel, picture post), I used to get about 12 clients monthly. Now I only get three to five offers monthly. But I’ll choose quality over quantity anyway.
How much of this “new money” goes into your relationship?
We’re not really big on gifts, but we try to get something for each other on birthdays. For his birthday this year, I got him a cake and perfume. I also sent him money. Everything was approximately ₦70k. While for my birthday, he got me a cake, two customized shirts and tote bags for my brand.
We still don’t go on actual dates because he doesn’t like going out, and since my work keeps me outside most of the time, I prefer to spend my time indoors too.
What does that look like?
We spend time watching movies, gisting and just chilling. He usually takes care of the major feeding. But either of us could buy the drinks and munchies. That usually costs ₦5k or less.
How often do you spend time together?
I’m at his place at least five times a week, LMAO. It’s easier there because whenever I’m home, there’s always one expense or another I need to sort.
How come?
My parents are separated — my mum is practically a single mother of four. She works as a caterer, but the cash inflow is not steady, and since I make good money, I can afford to support the home.
So you don’t go out except for work?
I go to parties or for drinks on a few occasions, but it’s usually with friends and my boyfriend. The bill is usually between ₦15k – ₦20k, which we either decide to split, or one of us pays. I’ve been picking up the tab more often now.
Why?
We’ve had opposite years. With my brand peaking in March 2022, Festus is yet to sell any major property at the real estate company, which is usually how he cashes out. Although he now heads the facility department, he gets major bonuses whenever he sells a piece of property. When this happens, he’d send me about ₦50k – ₦70k, and we’d go to Shoprite for junk food because I love them. But since the money stopped coming this year, he’s now become more financially prudent.
In what way?
He doesn’t give me money again. Every month after his salary, he has a budget allocated to each expense. But I’m never on the list because he believes I have my own money.
I’m sha waiting for next week when he’s supposed to close a significant deal.
Do you have conversations about money?
Nope. I went from earning little to earning much in a short period. Maybe when we’re seriously considering marriage, we’d talk about it, but for now, there’s really nothing to say.
Does he know how much you earn?
Not really. But I tell him whenever I get an offer. He definitely thinks I earn more than I do because now he borrows money from me and has a hard time paying.
How do you save?
I have ₦300k locked in my PiggyVest. I usually add randomly whenever I have money, sometimes ₦20k, ₦30k. I also like to think my Canon EOS camera is an investment, and I can sell it if I’m that pressed for cash. I got it for ₦410k in December 2021.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I don’t know as a couple — I feel like anybody can still serve you breakfast, so I’m trying to focus on my own plans.
And what’s that?
I want to own a digital marketing company with about 30 staff members. And be rich enough to take care of me and two kids comfortably. Even if they have their father to provide for them, I’d love the financial independence to take them on vacations.
*Names have been changed for the purpose of anonymity.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Unsplash (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
After 30 years at the bank, Mr Patrick* retired in 2014 and moved into his house in Warri, Delta state. He shares what led to his early retirement, how his friend ghosted him after an investment deal and putting his children through school on an epileptic pension supply.
Occupation and location
Fabric trader in Warri, Delta State
Average monthly income
It’s hard to say because the market isn’t fixed. But he gets about ₦30k in a bad month — which has been the case for most of 2022 — just enough to reinvest in the business. The only money he’s sure of is the ₦51k pension he receives every month and ₦588k in rent per annum.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Feeding: ₦40k on average. His wife assists with this most times.
Fuel: About ₦20k, subject to the frequent hikes in fuel prices.
Data: ₦5k
Transportation: ₦13k
Electricity: ₦6k. His two tenants jointly contribute ₦4k to the bill sometimes.
Savings: ₦15k
How did you meet your wife?
It was in 1992. I was ready to settle down, and a relative knew someone they thought I’d be interested in. I reached out to her. After a year of talking and getting to know each other, we got married. We’ve been married for over 27 years now.
How were your finances at the time?
I was a bank worker for a long time, in different roles with different pay, so I can’t remember. I do know that in 2008, my salary was about ₦135k. The naira was still good then, so I had enough savings from that to buy land in three different areas.
How much did the lands cost?
I got one for ₦1.8m and the others for about ₦350k each in 2008. But I’ve had to sell two of them — one in 2015 for over ₦2m, and the other for ₦3.5m in 2017. Oh, I forgot about the land on which I built the house we currently live in. I got that for ₦600k.
Why did you sell the other two?
In this Buhari’s Nigeria? I had three kids in the university, and with the bank retiring me two years early, I had to look for a means to survive. Retirement age is supposed to be 60 years, but mine came at 58 as punishment for a fraud case I was associated with in 2014.
I was the operations manager, and the head of funds transfer embezzled a lot of money using my password. We were close — family friends even, so it would never have crossed my mind to suspect him. It wasn’t until the internal department in charge of records went through the books that they discovered ₦4.4m was missing. The money had been taken in bits stretched over a year. When they traced it, the evidence led to us. They arrested both of us, but I was let go after he confessed that he did it on his own.
Why were you still retired?
For allowing someone else use my password. So while he was sacked and had to refund everything he stole, I was retired early and stripped of ₦3m worth of incentives.
How did your wife react?
I’m blessed to have a partner as understanding as her. And my kids are really great too. Everyone understood money wasn’t as available and adjusted. My wife is a businesswoman — she sells clothes — so she had to heavily support the family during the two years that followed. When our second child gained admission into the university in 2015, things were really hard, and she had to sell her gold necklace to assist with the fees.
How was life post-retirement?
It came with its challenges. In May 2014, I decided to invest ₦2m in my friend’s fuel station, and he was supposed to pay me ₦150k monthly for three years. Less than two years after we started, he fell ill and had to travel out of the country for treatment. I understand it cost him a lot of money. But the money stopped coming in even after he came back.
Ah. Why?
He kept saying business was bad and there was no money. When I noticed he was avoiding my calls, I travelled to meet him in Edo state. Sometimes, after plenty begging and chasing, he’d send some money. He became a prayer point in my house.
Did you have a contract?
Yes, we did. But I couldn’t involve a lawyer because everyone knows going to court costs money I didn’t have. So I let it go. I don’t hold any grudges. Like a few months after the bank incident, my former colleague reached out to ask for forgiveness.
What do you do now?
I run a fabric business. When I started in 2016, business was good, but with how bad the economy has been, my business has suffered greatly. People are working hard just to make ends meet, so they’re not thinking of getting new fabric. Sometimes, I go a week without selling a thing. Still, I open shop Monday to Saturday just in case a customer comes. Some months, I could get orders to supply a friend for an event, and the profit would be about ₦50k – ₦70k. Part of the money goes back to the business and shop rent at the end of the year.
And your wife?
She still sells women’s clothes from home. Most of her customers are either regulars turned friends or are referred by friends, so they meet up at our house when she has new stock. When they’re not buying on credit, they pay the money in small bits like they’re paying for crayfish. According to her, she makes about ₦80k – ₦100k profit on ₦200k stock. She used to get a ₦28k monthly pension, but that stopped coming about two months ago.
Why?
Do we know? When the money comes, we rejoice; when it doesn’t, we’ll be fine.
Besides housekeeping, how do you spend on relationship sturvs with your wife?
I buy her catfish barbecue. It costs about ₦3k, and she really enjoys it. So I get it on birthdays or give her between ₦5k – ₦20k to buy something for herself when I make good sales at the shop or whenever money enters my hand from rent or cash gifts. We go out sometimes, but it’s mostly with other married friends, so I spend less than ₦15k.
That’s nice. What does your wife do for you?
On birthdays, she cooks like it’s Christmas — rice, chicken, drinks for the house. My 60th birthday though, she also got a cake and invited our friends over. When I asked how she funded everything, she said the kids helped.
So you don’t really buy gifts for each other?
When things were better, she’d buy me perfume, a watch, clothes or whatever she thought I needed. Even then, I mostly gave her money because she’d rather buy what she wants by herself.
Do you have joint investments or accounts?
We’re very transparent with our finances, but we’ve never tried to put our money in the same place. The only thing we do that’s close to a joint account is our monthly osusu with a couple of other people. We contribute ₦15k each.
What about your kids?
They’ve long graduated from school and are working now. They don’t ask for money. Maybe it’s because they’re doing okay for themselves, or they don’t want to stress us. But they even send us money. This year, they put us on some sort of monthly allowance — sometimes ₦30k, sometimes ₦50k. It helps around the house.
Do you have a financial safety net?
Not exactly. I still have two plots of land in Warri and family land in my village. But that’s all.
What’s your ideal financial future?
Future? At 63 years old, it’s hard to have plans for the future. I hope both our businesses pick up, my children become successful in their careers, and the economy becomes favourable for us to afford more land, vehicles, and investments.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
Image Source: Unsplash (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
Tolu* is a 26-year-old product designer currently living in London. In this article, he tells Zikoko about moving to Nairobi because of Nigeria’s inconsistent electricity supply, getting a job at Spotify and receiving the best birthday gift from his girlfriend, even in a long-distance relationship.
Occupation and Location
Product designer in London
Average monthly income
About £6,250. But after tax and pension have been deducted, I have about £4k left.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Rent: £1,510 per month
Internet: £40
Phone: £10
Power: £50
Water: £20
Food: £100 – £200
Black tax: Sends over ₦150k home monthly
Savings: £1k, £1500, £2k. It varies depending on what I earn that month.
I’m entitled to a percentage of the company’s stock; 30% in cash and 70% retained in stocks.
How did you meet your girlfriend?
I met her at a house party in Lagos in September 2020. She came out with a friend of mine.
Ehen?
Please, don’t judge me. He had a girlfriend. If you look at it well, I was helping him not to cheat.
At the party, she seemed so chill. She didn’t know anyone there, but within minutes, she was gisting with everyone. We started dating in November 2020.
Where were you working at the time?
As a product designer at an African tech company where I was paid ₦250k. I was also taking design gigs on the side. I worked freelance with a guy who paid me about $2,500 monthly. With my house rent at the time being ₦1.5m annually, my side gigs were basically paying my bills.
When did Spotify come in?
After I left the tech company in July [2021], I briefly worked at a US company. I started working part-time at Nestcoin in September [2021], then moved to full-time in November. I applied to Spotify between November and December after I moved back from Nairobi.
Nairobi keh?
I was on a work call one day in March 2021, while I was still working at the African tech company, when the power went off. I expressed how tired I was of Nigeria, and my colleague suggested we travel to Nairobi.
Just like that?
Yes o. Earlier in the year, I planned to travel and explore different places, so why not?
How did your girlfriend feel about this?
Even before we started dating, I’d always said I was going to travel out of Nigeria. And she also doesn’t plan to stay in Nigeria long term, so it was easy to have the conversation when the time came. It took till a day before we travelled for it to really hit. That was when we made the agreement to never go days without talking to each other.
So this was a vacation?
Not exactly. I sold off most of my property before moving to Nairobi. I had to live with my family in Ibadan when I couldn’t return.
What do you mean?
I decided to visit Nigeria in October 2021 after four months in Nairobi. I was missing my family and girlfriend. We’d been dating for about seven to eight months and spent every weekend together, so the four months apart were hard. The plan was to stay for two months and go back. But when I was about to apply for my visa, Kenya issued the COVID vaccination mandate. I hadn’t even gotten my first vaccine shot. So there was no way they would let me into their country. I took the first dose in December, and because you need a two-month gap between the first and second shot, I knew the earliest I could travel was February. I had to get a refund for the flight ticket I’d booked for January.
When did you decide to move to the UK?
I only started considering UK early in 2022 after four out of the shit ton of European companies I’d applied to reached out for an interview. I was confident at least one of them would click. I got three offers, but I chose Spotify.
How has the long-distance relationship been?
Even though we had Nairobi as a sort of test run, it’s been hard. We try to talk all the time through video calls and all. About two months ago, we got into a fight — I can’t remember why now, but it was something silly — and for the whole three days, we were still checking on each other. With our current schedules, it’s become more challenging. She just started working as a chef for a restaurant in Lagos, so she’s swamped.
How much of your money goes into your relationship now?
My girlfriend is pretty independent, which I like. So I don’t put her on an allowance. But I do something for her every month, whether it’s getting her dresses, flowers or crocs — she loves them. Sometimes, I send her money to make her happy for the week or month. Getting gifts usually costs less, and I think it’s more thoughtful. The times when I send money, it’s about ₦100k. But with how expensive things are in Nigeria and how much she does for me, it’s not even plenty money.
What has she done?
She’s literally the most thoughtful person I know. My birthday was just a few days after we started dating and she went all out. Got me gifts— a jersey, perfumes, a belt and a fancy cup I even took to Nairobi. As a guy, I’m not used to getting a lot of gifts, so the intentionality behind these meant everything to me. She got the belt because on our first date, I had borrowed my brother’s belt.
This year’s birthday was even more special. She got me a shoe I always wanted and booked a dinner reservation for me.
Do you have conversations with her about money?
Earlier in the year [2022], I told her I’d always prioritise helping her reach a point where she can afford to get herself whatever she wanted, instead of buying it for her. For instance, I can’t buy a wig of ₦1m, but when she needed about ₦1.4m to go to culinary school in October 2021, I assisted with ₦800k — ₦500k first, then ₦300k.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I’m running on vibes. I depleted my safety net in the process of my relocation. I can’t remember how much I’d saved, but I promised myself I’d renovate my mum’s house, so a lot of money also went into that before I travelled. I also lost about $5k between March to October 2021 trying to launch a startup. I got to London with just $2k. I’m currently working on getting my savings back.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I want to be a fucking baller. I want us to own property together. But since we’re not married yet, I can start implementing some on my end. I plan to get a house in Ibadan and another in the UK, or wherever I’m staying.
Is the plan for her to join you in London?
Eventually. She wants to get to a space where relocating won’t mean taking a step back in her career or starting from scratch. Also, I’d love for us to go on a vacation, but she just started working, and it’d be selfish of me to expect her to create that kind of time for us. The most practical thing would be to visit Nigeria, which I’ll do in March [2023].
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
This edition of #LoveCurrency is brought to you by Zilla.
Among the things Douglas* wished for on his 24th birthday, finding love was not one of them. But when he met Susie*, he knew I wanted to be with her. In this interview, he talks about the voice note that started their love story, working as aphotographer in Benin city, and his girlfriend’s reluctance to take money from him. Read their #LoveCurrency below.
Occupation and location
Photographer in Benin City.
Average monthly income
₦400k most times. But in a good month, it could go as high as ₦700k – ₦800k.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Rent: ₦100k (annually)
Food: ₦60k – ₦70k. He‘s too busy to cook, so he mostly orders food.
Data: ₦25k. About ₦6k data subscription a week with night plans to help with the heavy downloading.
Fuel: ₦30k
Tithe: 10% of his income, so it varies. ₦40k – ₦80k
Black tax: About ₦15k. His younger sister gets at least ₦10k every month.
Friends: ₦5k – ₦10k. Every month, he picks a random friend he thinks needs financial assistance and gifts them.
Savings: Whatever is left. ₦200k – ₦300k; sometimes, less.
How did you meet your girlfriend?
On my birthday in November 2021. A mutual friend posted my picture, and Susie sent them a voice note wishing me a happy birthday, which they forwarded to me. I asked for her contact after that.
Just like that?
Yes. We were in the same department in university. When I was in my final year, she was in her 100 level, so I didn’t know her. But at that time, she was in 300 level.
During my clearance the next month, I hoped to see her. But for some reason, she was in Lagos. So I decided to visit Lagos to meet her.
God, when will somebody travel for me?
LOL. We started dating in January, a few weeks after my visit.
So quick?
Yeah, we both knew what we wanted, so there was no need to waste time.
Were you based in Benin at the time?
I was serving in Ibadan, Oyo state. She visited me twice in Ibadan then I went to Benin for Valentine’s Day. We didn’t see again until I moved to Benin after NYSC.
How much went into the relationship things while you were in Ibadan
Not much, tbh. I didn’t know anywhere interesting in Ibadan, so we spent most of our time indoors. The only expense was food — between ₦4k – ₦5k per day for both of us.
When we met in Benin, it was a bit different. I had to budget for accommodation, feeding, transportation, and we even went on a date. Between ₦5k for two movie tickets, ₦10k per night at a hotel and feeding, I didn’t spend up to ₦40k for two days together.
You’re both in Benin now. Has anything changed?
We spend more time together, but it’s still mostly indoors because I’m a homebody and always busy. When we’re not chilling at home and ordering in, we go for movies and lunch after. That usually costs about ₦20k tops.
You mentioned Valentine’s Day
I got her a curated Valentine’s box that cost about ₦20k.
I’m not proud of it, but gifts are never top of my mind. Sometimes, I send her food and chocolates. I even got a menstrual care kit for her once; that was about ₦30k. I usually just send money. She’s always complaining about it, so I’m trying to do better.
Do you send her money a lot?
Not a lot. ₦15k here, ₦20k there. The highest I’ve sent was ₦40k when she resumed school after they called off the ASUU strike. She’s not the most receptive to cash gifts. When we started dating, she was very uncomfortable with taking money from me. She’d always say things like she wasn’t telling me about being broke because she wanted me to send her money. She made sure I understood and accepted that she had nothing to bring to the relationship in terms of financial support. But she was also very clear that she had her father and siblings, so I shouldn’t think of her as my dependant.
So it’s safe to say you have conversations about money?
Yes, always. I know how much is in her account most of the time because she tells me when money comes in. And since I get paid according to the number of images I edit, we usually do the calculations together. That way, she knows how much I earn every month.
That’s very nice. What would an ideal financial future look like for both of you?
When we both have enough money to afford vacations together. She’s intentional when she surprises me with gifts. So I already know when she starts cashing out from product and fashion design, our relationship will be sweeter.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I have this account that I use for my savings. I can’t transfer or withdraw from it, so there’s less temptation to touch the money. It’s about ₦1m at the moment. I’m also part of an annual saving scheme, and I have about ₦300k there. And yes, I bought ₦50k worth of dollars one time. That one is just sitting somewhere.
In general, I think I’ve done pretty well for myself.
If you’re interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
24-year-old Feyi* has been dating her boyfriend for six years. They met in 100 level in 2017 and survived university as a couple. In 2022, they have limited incomes, but Feyi is confident they’re set for a comfortable financial future. Read her #LoveCurrency below.
Occupation and location
Hairstylist in Ibadan
Average monthly income
₦30k salary. She also sells wigs on the side, and on a really good week, makes up to ₦50k in sales. Monthly sales can take her total earnings up as high as ₦250k. But on average, it falls closer to ₦100k.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Data subscriptions: ₦18k
Food: ₦30k. She gets free food from her employer but has to eat out sometimes when there are delays.
Transportation: ₦12k
Miscellaneous(includes black tax, vanity purchases, self-care, etc): ₦50k
Boyfriend allowance: Minimum of ₦15k. He’s still in uni, and she’s already working
*No rent because her employer provides her with accommodation
How did you meet your boyfriend?
We met on a group chat while we were trying to gain admission into university in 2016. He was always putting mouth in everything in the group. Me, I was always like, “What’s wrong with this one sef?” He slid into my DMs one day because my profile picture was a baby — he loves babies. We started talking, and I got to know he was at Yabatech and doing an internship. He wasn’t even expecting to get admitted into OAU, but eventually, we both did. We got along really well and started dating officially when we met on campus.
How were your finances then?
I’d already learnt to make wigs. I’ve always been a hustler, to be honest, so I’ve always had small change in my pocket. My boyfriend earned ₦7k from the internship, but he’s also into graphic design and did freelancing gigs, although his money wasn’t as steady as mine.
I also made wigs, which wasn’t as popular in 2017 as it is in 2022, and earned ₦3k in profit per wig. We didn’t have much, but we lived within our means, and people thought we did. When his ₦7k came in, he’d buy foodstuff, and when you have food, nobody will know you don’t have money. I’d also cook in my hostel and take to him.
Ahn ahn. Campus couple
Yes o. Six years is not beans. I’ve left him there sha. My course was four years while his is five. ASUU is just doing him anyhow.
So you don’t live in the same city
No. I only recently moved to Ibadan because I was tired of all the Lagos stress. Plus, my current job in Ibadan promised the same pay but with free accommodation and feeding. Even when I lived in Lagos, we only saw three times. He’s currently on an extended industrial attachment at a startup firm in Magboro due to ASUU strike. I was living in Igando and working at Ikotun. It was still a long distance.
How did you guys run the relationship sturvs?
I used to work six days a week at a hair salon and have my off days on Wednesday. When I wanted to see him, I’d give my boss an excuse to move my off day to that weekend. I’d tell him I was ill or having cramps or that I needed to see my parents.
Lying to go and see man
LOL. It’s not easy jare. And this “seeing” takes serious planning ahead because we couldn’t just stay indoors looking at ourselves after so long, but we also don’t have much money, and my boyfriend is extremely meticulous with spending. No penny leaves his pocket without being accounted for, while I know how to spend. That’s why I think we’ll make a good husband and wife.
Tell me about the last time you saw him
We met in August [2022], and he paid for everything. Of course, I had my money ready, but I didn’t even touch it. I was surprised because he only really spends on necessities. But he’d been saving for the last two months and really wanted to see me, so I lied to my boss as usual. I think that one knows it’s man I want to go and see sef, but he won’t say anything.
My boyfriend also does interior decor, and earlier, he’d painted my boss’ salon and earned ₦25k from it, after transport and feeding expenses. When my boss opened a bigger salon, my boyfriend got the contract to paint it and received ₦150k. He renewed his rent on campus and invited me to spend the weekend with him in Lagos. He booked a hotel for two nights (₦10k per night) in Ogudu. The first night, we ate at The Place (₦4k). The next night, we went to dinner and spent ₦15k.
He took danfo back to Ikorodu while I took Uber (₦2,500) to Igando. It was the most expensive date we’ve had. Usually, we go sightseeing and do things that don’t cost much but still helps us make memories. The Ogudu stay was our last date before I moved to Ibadan.
How much does your boyfriend make in a month, on average?
About ₦70k. Added to his monthly stipend of ₦20k, he does graphic design, charges about ₦5–7k per design and can get up to five gigs in a month. He also paints rooms (₦10-15k per room) and does interior design work (upwards of ₦20k).
What kind of conversations do you have with your boyfriend about money?
It’s usually about the way I spend. I can’t lie. I like nice things. I like to reward myself. Sometimes, I feel like he should understand because I don’t pressure him to buy me these things. He should be happy I’m spending my own money but he keeps telling me to save more. Sometimes, I agree with him sha; I’m trying.
How much do you save on average, per month?
I put ₦10k in a savings app. LOL, now that I say it, I’m not proud of myself. But I’ll start saving more now that I’m in Ibadan, since I’m not spending much on transport and my employer provides free accommodation and feeding. So help me God.
Have your spending habits ever caused problems?
A lot of times o. In fact, it’s even the cause of our major fights. I can’t count how many pairs of heels I have, but when I see another colour or style that calls my name, I’ll want to buy. He’ll now be saying that I should’ve saved the money. I dont like when he does that. I know he’s trying to look out for me, but I should be allowed to spend my money anyhow I want. It’s not easy to make it.
Anyway, sometimes, when I’ve squandered my money, it’s him I fall back on. I won’t ask him o, but he’ll know his girl is broke. So he’ll have to take out of his savings or deprive himself of some things just so he can come through for me.
How do you guys resolve such conflicts?
I can’t bear to fight with him, so I usually apologise and promise I won’t do it again. And then, he’ll be like, ehn, he knows I’ll still do it o, but it’s not like he’s not telling me not to buy things, but I should buy things I don’t already have. That one is not even possible. Ehn, I have wig now, but what if I want another colour? I’ve tried to hold back, and I’m still trying sha.
The funny thing is when I give him random gifts, he doesn’t complain. Imagine o. If I see something I know he’d like, I’d buy for him. And they’re usually expensive because how much am I earning? If I spend ₦20-30k on a man, I count it as expensive. He won’t complain; he’ll collect it. If I now spend like that on myself, problem.
I think the reason he doesn’t like me spending so much is because he doesn’t have plenty money himself. He’s still in university, and it’s me who normally sends him money. But I feel like when he’s done with school and starts making more money, he won’t bother me so much.
Do you have a financial safety net?
Yes. I saved ₦120k last year in a locked savings app I can’t access until the next two years. I’m on track to reach ₦240k this year. I’m saving to open my own hair salon, and from my research, I need at least ₦500k. ₦250k should get me a room and parlour self-con in Ife for a year. I already have most of my equipment; I just need a salon chair (₦50k), washbasin (₦30k), mirror and interior decor. The money will get me started, and as time goes on, I’ll put more things in place.
I also have kolo for rainy days. Anytime I sell one hair, I save ₦5k from my profit. That one, I can break it if I ever get stranded.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
One where we’re both earning enough to comfortably sustain us. My boyfriend’s handwork promises to give him a lot of money. Mine is also promising. We don’t have to be stinky rich; I just want to be able to afford as many wigs and shoes as I want and decide not to go to work and not feel guilty.
When my boyfriend finishes school, I know he’ll build something for himself. It’s just money to start that’s the koko. If he has a day job and an interior decorating company on the side where he can even open a store to stock decor products. It looks very lucrative and I see him as a rich man in future.
If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
In 2018, Tayyiba* married Faruk* after praying every night for God to return him to her when he ghosted for two years. Now, Tayyiba tells Zikoko how she’s enjoying married life in Kano on a ₦150k monthly income.
Image source: Pexels (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
Occupation and location
Multimedia journalist. Lives in Kano.
Average monthly income
₦150k per month: basic salary of ₦80k, freelance writing gigs on the side pay anywhere from ₦20–200k. Her husband sends between ₦40–100k, depending on her monthly commitments or how much she earns from side gigs.
If she runs out of money, she just takes more from his wallet as her “spirit leads.”
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Data: ₦25k
Subscriptions: Around ₦5k; she shares some streaming apps with friends
*Household feeding: She contributes ₦40–45k. Around ₦10k per week
Healthy snacks: ₦20k
Black tax: About ₦20k to mumsi
Child’s savings account: ₦10k
Savings: Between ₦20–40k. Although, sometimes, black tax eats into it
*Her husband covers remaining household expenses
How did you meet your husband?
We grew up as neighbours but started dating when I was about 19 — then we broke up. Our parents didn’t want us married cause of tribal differences, but somehow, we reconnected in 2016. By that time, I suppose we’d both become family rogues. In 2017, we were engaged without their blessings. In 2018, they came on board, and we got married.
How did you reconnect?
Prayer, actually. I was really heartbroken when he… just left me. I tried all I could to reconnect, but he didn’t budge. So I started to pray at night. I kept asking God to help me forget him if he was bad for me. Or give him to me if it was His will.
In 2016, I won a trip to Nairobi, posted about it on LinkedIn and noticed he’d checked out my profile. He started liking my posts on Facebook again. Then he sent a message on WhatsApp… a causal “Good afternoon” as if we were some old acquaintances catching up. I told him to state his business or get out, please.
Guy said he wanted me, and he was ready to do anything, including eloping together.
Hollup. Tell me about the breakup
In 2014, my parents wanted to arrange for me to a family friend’s son, a young Airforce officer — we still talk to date. Shebi I would’ve been travelling all over the world, spending airforce money by now. But I said I’m not ready to marry until after school o. Plus, I told them I have husband already. They said, “Who?” I said, “Faruk*”.
Popsi didn’t want anything to do with Faruk because he’s not from our tribe, but he later gave in. My parents said I should ask him to send his people to come and make a small commitment, a formal engagement, so everyone will know we’re just waiting till I graduate. Faruk said okay, went home and ghosted me.
Ah—
Toh, he just became scarce, leaving me with shame in front of my parents. They were now like, where’s the boy you were fighting to be with na? Hard girl like me fa?
That must have hurt. How come you kept praying for him?
No one had ever supported or understood me the way he did — and still does. I met many men after him, but none supported my dreams the way he did. For a Northern girl who isn’t particularly mely, that’s a big deal. So when he slid into my DMs for a second chance and apologised, it was easy to forgive him. But I didn’t take him seriously until he proposed not long after.
Just like that? Did he tell you why he ghosted?
Yes o. He’s a people pleaser, so he couldn’t bring himself to break up with me to my face because his parents initially didn’t like the idea of him getting married to me. We had a lot of conversations, and he convinced me that family would no longer be a problem. In all honesty, they’ve been very respectful and kind since then. He apologised and swore he was serious this time even if we had to elope.
A finished man
Yes o. We thank God. It’s been four years, and the only thing he won’t do for me is what isn’t in his power.
How much does he earn?
His salary is about ₦400k, but he has other sources that raise his income to around ₦600–700k.
So how do y’all run the finances?
He’s a very busy person, so I tend to focus on sending him meals at work to ensure he eats. But every year, I save up around ₦100k to buy him gifts for his birthday and our anniversary. The money comes from my side hustle. I put aside any extra cash I get for his clothes because if I leave him, he can wear the same things he’s had for ten years.
He covers the heavy stuff like rent, which is ₦400k per annum. He covers 80% of our food costs — about ₦150k monthly because food is cheap in the North — 80% of our medical costs, 50% of clothing costs for our two kids and 20% of my clothing costs. I use percentages because these costs aren’t fixed. We often buy on impulse, especially the babies’ clothes. I know he saves ₦100k every month and sends ₦50k to our kids’ accounts. I send ₦40k to this account — let it not be like their mother doesn’t care, LOL.
How much do you budget for romanzz?
We haven’t been able to vacation together, sadly. They want to use work to kill him — and also, he has aerophobia. But he buys me a lot of abayas. Each one costs ₦20-25k, and I get like 12 a year.
We watch at least one movie together weekly and sneak suya and drinks into the cinema hall so we don’t spend more than ₦5k in total. Once every month, we go on a date and spend ₦15k max; there are really cool and affordable leisure places in Kano. Sometimes I pay for the dates, and most times, he does. When we watch films indoors, we just buy ₦5k suya, eat to our hearts’ content and freeze whatever remains.
Before the children, we used to do staycations every once in a while. We’d check into a cool hotel (₦20–25k per night) and spend the weekend eating mostly junk because those staycations were for sex. Good old childless days…
What changed?
We can’t just up and leave; I’d have to plan and get trusted people to babysit. I’d also have to pump milk (God, I hate pumping milk). And I worry every time I’m away from my babies. So I’m not sure I can staycation without guilt.
Okay. What kind of conversations do you have with your husband about money?
Our needs, savings and investments in our personal developments and in money-making ventures. We talk about feeding costs, medicine costs and doctors’ appointments. And don’t forget black tax — very important. We discuss how much we can give out.
He has investments with his siblings as well. I have two lands — one from my dad; the second was part of my bride price — so we make plans on how to develop them. I also have a farm the floods helped me wash away. I got it with my sister and had high hopes for it.
Rough. Is it rescuable?
I honestly don’t know. I’ll just let my sister worry about it for now. I’m focusing on my family. May God have mercy.
Amin. Tell me about the personal development you invest in
My husband takes some courses and exams to boost his career, and they don’t come cheap, so we have to plan around them. Being a doctor is expensive. For the last one, he had to go to Lagos. He bought return flight tickets (₦200k, no thanks to Buhari) and stayed for almost two weeks to study with his mates — hotel and feeding cost around ₦10k per day. Then the exam itself was over ₦200K, including the registration fees. Because he hates planes, he fell ill afterwards — nausea, diarrhoea and others — so we spent another ₦10k on treatments. It’s also why we can’t go on vacations, before he’ll start vomiting when we’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves.
As for me, I have my eyes set on fashion school, which’ll cost ₦150k, but this man wants to force me to finish my master’s first. I’m focusing on my research so I can be done with it soon — if ASUU will let me.
Has the income gap between you two ever been an issue?
Initially, I was super conscious of it and picked fights because I thought he was using the fact that he had money to run away from chores. When we married, I was busy doing housegirl work they didn’t send me to do. He thought I enjoyed cleaning. I thought he was leaving the domestic chores to me. I found a way to link it to him not respecting me because I don’t earn much.
We got to know each other better as time went on though. So we got a house help and laundry man. We also discovered my ego is big, and I don’t like to beg, so he just sends me money and leaves his wallet and debit card within reach.
Ahn ahn. Intentional man
LMAO he likes taking care of me. But I want a better job with a stable income that’s high enough to be less dependent. I need more money so I can save more to develop those lands and explore other investment opportunities.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
Toh, our ideal financial future is to get out of this country. We plan to japa in the next three to four years through him. Hopefully, I get a job as a dependent first, then later, as a resident. We’re looking at Canada or Australia. I’ll then try to go into real estate wherever we land.
I’m certain my husband will return home to take another wife after his finances are more flexible.
Wait—
He wants lots of kids for some reason. Me, if I will born again, highest one more. We agreed on polygamy before we got married; it’s in our marriage contract. I just won’t stay in the same house with another woman. We also agreed I’ll get vacations when I’m feeling “jealous”. Of course, it’s all under the condition that he’s financially able to fund them.
Oh wow
I don’t mind polygamy; I don’t believe in owning anybody. He sort of knows he doesn’t own me either, and he’s made peace with it. I may step out; he just doesn’t want to know.
If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In this series, we get into what dating across income brackets is like in different Nigerian cities.
Onome* is a 21-year-old polyamorous lover who spends recklessly on her partners because her love language is gift-giving. In this interview, she tells Zikoko how money moves in and out of her relationships, while on a ₦400k monthly income and an envious financial safety net.
Editor’s note: The interview subject is a woman in a polyamorous relationship with a non-binary person.
Occupation and location
Content creator and student (but also, fine girl). Lives around Ifo, Ogun State
Average monthly income
Salary is ₦200k
Allowance from parents: minimum of ₦200k
Only occasionally does freelance writing because, one, she doesn’t need the extra money, two, she doesn’t like stress. But once in a while, she gets bored. Her last gig paid ₦50k for a story.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Data: ₦20k. That’s my only recurring expense.
You say?
Oh, and skincare too, like ₦35k a month. That’s it.
My total recurring expenses is ₦55k monthly.
Why so few expenses?
I live with my parents, and I’m an only child. I don’t pay for shit. Instead, I ask. Usually, my dad gives me like ₦100k and says if I need more, I should just ask. I always ask for more because I’m greedy. Also, I don’t pay for transport because my parents drive me. I have a car, but I don’t use it because I don’t have a license.
Sometimes, people dash me money as per fine girl privileges, but most times, I don’t even collect it; then they offer to buy me things or pay for stuff — like, let me pay for your flight, let me pay for your hotel. I don’t like collecting money from men. I do it, but I don’t like it.
What do you spend the money on?
Anything I feel like, mainly clothes and shoes when I decide to go outside. Or gifts for people and donation to good causes.
How did you meet your partner?
We met on Twitter in 2019. I was in a relationship then; they were seeing someone too. We followed each other, and one day in December, they tweeted that they felt like calling someone. I volunteered to be called. We started talking every day. My relationship ended, their relationship ended, and we got together.
Just like that?
We’d been talking for seven months when I broke up with my ex. But my current partner’s relationship was complicated, and I tried to help them uncomplicate it. I liked them, but omo, a seven-month talking stage?
In July 2020, I told them they didn’t know what they wanted, so I would find someone who did. They went, “Okay, wait. Can you like, relax?” We talked it over and decided to start dating. I’m gay, and it’s not my fault I’m very lovable.
Energy. Okay, how were your finances then?
Trenches o. Enough to give me PTSD. Asides allowances, I was earning ₦50k as an intern, and they were earning zero while looking for a job. We managed like that until one year later, they got employed, and I got promoted. We both earn ₦200k salaries now — omo, we’ve come a long way, LMAO.
How did you guys manage?
We’re students, and it was in the middle of the pandemic. it’s not like we could do anything. My love language is gift-giving, so I bought them gifts.
On a ₦50k salary?
The problem people have when they hear “gift-giving” is they don’t understand it’s not about the price of the gifts but the thought behind them. Sometimes, it’s knowing what your partner likes and getting them things tailored to it.
I don’t wear wigs because I’ve never seen the need for them. If someone buys me a wig, they’re wasting their money. Sure, wigs are expensive gifts, but they mean nothing to me. Lip gloss, on the other hand, is something I can’t do without. One of my favourite lip glosses costs me ₦1k; buying me that would mean way more to me than a wig.
I’d buy my partner socks, for example, because they love socks.
Sweet. So how did your relationship survive the pandemic?
I saw other people o. I’m polyamorous and have always known I can’t be with one person. Also, we live in different cities. I live in Ogun State while they live in Lagos. They had to get used to the idea. They could be worried shitless about my whereabouts, and I’d be smoking weed with naked women.
Hollup—
Yep, I even got into another relationship. I’m an extrovert; I love making new friends, meeting new people and going on dates. My partner is an introvert; they never really talked to people or went out much before we met.
How did they take it?
They took it well actually. They’ve always known I’m poly. I’d told them while we were just talking as friends. My previous relationship was open, so I wasn’t going to have a closed relationship with them.
So you taught them polyamory or…?
No. I shared my view with them — if your heart can understand it’s possible to love all your friends, family members, etc., why not multiple partners? They fucked with it. They were sha happy as long as I was happy, and they eventually started talking to someone else as well.
How’s that going?
LMAO, I literally tried to matchmake them with someone this afternoon. They said they don’t have the energy.
30+ alert
LMAO, they’re 23, but that’s my old baby. In their words, “There’s love at home, please.” They think there’s too much rubbish outside. I fall in love every two to three business days, then they say, “It’s hard because they return you to me broken.” They’re a much more poetic writer than I am, SMH.
Aww. Walk me through expenses on a typical staycation
When I visit Lagos, we either stay in a hotel, or I rent a short-let apartment for around ₦75k if I’m staying up to two weeks. If I’m on the island, hotel is ₦25k a night; mainland is ₦15-20k. We go halfsies on food, transportation, edibles and alcohol. Food alone costs about ₦15k for three meals a day.
We rarely go out, so no transportation expenses. We just sit indoors all day, watching movies and stuff after work — we both work remotely.
Last month, we matched on a dating app, and they asked me out even though we were already dating, LMAO. So we got high and went to play games at Rufus and Bees, Lekki. The games cost like ₦10k, and I won all because I’m the best in gaming. After that, we went to an art gallery and had pizza and ice cream. Transport fare cost around ₦10k too. Then we ended the night in a hotel room. It was the best time ever, and I couldn’t stop talking about it. I also didn’t keep track of all the costs because my partner paid for everything — one of the very rare times they’ve splurged.
About splurging, what’s your spending habit like?
They think I’m an impulsive spender. I have more money than them, but do you know I’m the broke one? My partner is very calculative with their money, and they only spend according to order of importance and shit like that. Me, if I see it, I like it, and I want it? It’s mine. I used to sleep with my debit card under my pillow, so if I had a bad dream, I’d wake up and buy something online. I often spend way past my budget too because I love to spend money on people I love. And I like multiple people, so I buy them all gifts.
Has this ever caused conflicts?
Nope. They know not to pocket-watch me. It’s my money.
Do you have a financial safety net?
I save 25% of my earnings, but my daddy is my financial safety net.
Can you shed more light?
Yep. My daddy is my backup plan. He even says it. I’m a director in all his businesses, and they buy land and other grand stuff in my name. Honestly, my future is set, and I can decide never to work again.
So why do you?
It’s simple. I like to work; it gives me a sense of freedom. Yesterday, my dad asked me what I wanted for christmas, and it’s still October. My dad is my plug for everything — heck, he once told me if I wanted to quit my job, he’d pay me my salary. I said no. I chose suffering.
What’s your ideal future for you and your partner(s)?
I don’t care much for being wealthy as the concept of wealth is a big meh for me. I just want to have an apartment my partners can come and visit me in once in a while. I have women to take care of, so I need money for that.
I try my best with what I have now. I send them money, buy them gifts, feed them. But I want to get to the point where if someone says, “Baby, my car is bad.” I can respond with, “Okay, take this ₦200k and manage. Don’t be upset.” I can’t wait to have my daddy’s kind of money. When I think about it, he’s a sugar daddy sha. It makes sense that I learnt work from him.
*subject’s name has been changed to protect her identity.
*This interview has been edited for structure and clarity.
If you’re interested in talking (anonymously) about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In this series, we get into what dating across income brackets is like in different Nigerian cities.
After eight years in the streets, 34-year-old Michael Adebayo* finally decided to repent from his ashawo ways and settle down. He found his perfect match — where he’s a reckless spender, his wife is financially prudent. Now, he tells Zikoko how he’s enjoying married life on a ₦2.3m monthly income.
Image source: Canva (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
Average monthly income
₦1.9m salary; an average of ₦400k from investment and forex trading profits
Occupation and location
Oil and gas engineer. Lives and works in Uyo, Lagos and offshore
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Black tax: Around ₦360k
Rent: ₦400k (annually) for a two-bedroom apartment
Vacations: Around $10k (annually)
Savings: ₦960k converted to USD in mutual funds
Electricity bill: ₦30k
Feeding: ₦80k on average, but sometimes, it can get as high as ₦200k when they need to cook in bulk and stock up
Fuel: ₦30k
Miscellaneous: ₦400k; any leftovers go into the mutual funds
*His remaining income goes into forex investment
How did you meet your wife?
We first met in school and crushed on each other. People said she was a good girl. Me? They called me ashawo boy, and our mutual friends said I should carry my ashawo somewhere else, so I locked up. Then, she went and had a boyfriend. But seven years after I graduated, we met again at what I can only say was the right time, and there was no looking back.
Slow down a bit
Haha, okay. So in uni, I was in final year, and she was a fresher. Then after school, we lived in different cities — me in Uyo, she in Abuja — so we only kept in touch once in a while. Last year [2021], she relocated to Port Harcourt, and suddenly, we were much closer. She was single, I was single, and the distance was only a one-hour drive compared to flying from Uyo to Abuja.
I think she always knew I liked her from way back, and she liked me too. But, omo, I was “Mikano*” in school with a “hoe” reputation — she wouldn’t touch that with a nine-foot pole. When she met me again after all those years, I’d become a more put-together “Mr Michael*”. It was just right. I was tired of the streets, so we ended up together and dated for a year. God win.
LOL. What made you sure about committing this time?
My guy, it’ll sound cliché, but I was just convinced in my spirit. Everything that happened while we dated convinced me even more. I was free around her, learning and becoming a better person. We were both willing to change things about ourselves without needing the other person to push. I improved myself knowing it’d make her happy, and her happiness made me fulfilled. Omo, we just fit, abeg. We learnt from talking about things, resolved fights quickly and were very open about everything.
How much does your wife earn?
She earns ₦200k, but she has a forex investment that does a healthy extra ₦200k on average, each month. This was also what got me because my attitude to money changed after I met her. I saw this woman’s savings, what she’d done with her income, and heard her plans — she who hadn’t even earned up to what I had at the time. She’s such a hardworking woman, and that’s why even though we have our plan as a family, I work every day to ensure she meets her personal targets. I told her when we got engaged that I’ll die happy just knowing she can look back at her life and see I contributed to her growth.
Aww. So how do y’all run finances these days?
Bruh, my wife is the financially prudent one, so she manages the money. When I wanted to settle down, financial responsibility was one of the key traits I looked out for in a partner. Because, if you leave me, we go enjoy all the money to the end. All my savings (around 40% of my income) goes to her, and we have a joint account she manages. She also contributes 30% of her income to our USD savings and keeps the rest of it. I tease her and call myself “big woman husband” because she get money, abeg!
How much do you budget for relationship sturvs?
I wish we could go out more often, but not many places have cool aesthetics and good food in Uyo, so we mostly make do with indoors. We have shows we watch together, like The Flatmates, The Office and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. After work each day, we eat together, watch our show as long as we can, do some more work or study, gist and sleep off. Once every two months, we book a hotel to get away and enjoy the room-service treatment. And we spend an entire weekend chilling and clubbing. Akwa Ibom is a cheap place, so we don’t spend more than ₦100k over three days.
Earlier this year, we spent three weeks in Europe — Milan and Rome in Italy, Ibiza in Spain, Paris in France and Madeira, Portugal. We spent about ₦1.9m on flights. Hotels and sightseeing took about $3,700 because I wanted to spend money. I convinced madam to calm down and let me splurge. Then again, I’d made a huge profit from an investment, so I had extra convincing power. We stayed in suites with sea views at hotels in the city centres, food and drinks were all-inclusive. Shopping took another $3k. Costs could’ve been much less, but we just had to close eye and enjoy ourselves.
$3k on shopping ke; what did you buy?
Shoes, bro. Sneakers. Perfumes. Ah, don’t forget enjoyment black tax. I had to get something for everyone at home: my parents, her parents, siblings, etc.
We intend to travel out twice a year henceforth, on a $10k budget. Flight prices have gone up, but we try to hedge against inflation by saving in dollars. We’ll spend a lot less for our trip this December sha because madam said we should start saving for japa. But even though, we’ve decided the experience counts, so we must still go somewhere.
God, abeg. I don’t wanna be a mecha —
LMAO. It’s important to mention that the key thing for both of us is the experience and bond it builds between us. Our relationship was better after our vacation. We learnt so much about each other. Sometimes, always being in the same or familiar territory doesn’t give you a chance to question your relationship. The trips gave us the chance to experience our relationship differently, and the memories we created definitely strengthened our bond.
Plus, bro, we know say once pikin come, story go change. For gifts, I’m the giver, but she’s learning quickly too. She bribes me with turkey and juicy meat — gifts of love I can’t say no to, abeg.
(Wipes tear) What kind of conversations do you have with your wife about money?
We’re very open about finances. She knows how much I earn to the tee, and vice versa. We have an Excel sheet in which we track our spending (not to the tiniest details, of course).
We’ve discussed plans for kids and their welfare, which is also why our savings are dollar-denominated. I’m more of the risk taker while she’s more financially prudent. This dynamic makes us a team because we have the balance required to make the best choices of where to put money. We’ll know if it works over the next few years, I guess.
We also discuss black tax. How much goes home to my people, her people, people who ask for loans, etc. We’re very much open with these things. She’s the one who helped me set aside at least ₦50k every month to help people out. Once we’ve surpassed this figure, omo, it’s till next month to whoever asks — except in rare cases of emergency.
Oh, yes. Initially, she believed because I earned a lot, I never listened to her financially prudent advice. Or sometimes, I would randomly talk about something in a way that rubbed her the wrong way because of [her] finances. But we resolve most of our issues with communication and financial openness. Also, we’ve both had to adjust to accommodate each other’s differences and bite our tongue on some occasions. There are times when I wanted to say, “Omo, spend this money naaaaa.”
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
Our hopes, plans and prayers are to get to a point where we both have investments that take care of ours and our kids’ needs whether we’re working or not. So if it takes, theoretically, ₦5m to take care of our needs and enjoyment, we have investments between us that cover at least 75% of it. Of course, we’ll have to adjust our lifestyle and hope there’s no mad medical emergency. Our plan isn’t foolproof or set in stone, and as we experience more and grow together, we’ll adjust.
Lovely. In the short term though, how are you planning for that life?
We have savings from our income, mutual funds, crypto (yeah, I know e dey red, but #wagmi), forex and a couple of other investments yielding different returns. We’ll continue to explore other ways to “aspire to perspire”.
Do you have a financial safety net?
There’s one ₦10m like that — some bonus they gave me in my first year at work. I just carried the money and dumped it in a bank account somewhere.
Most people would say you’re doing well, and it’s sweet to be a big boy in Naija, so why japa?
Honestly, first and foremost, children. It’ll give them a better start. Again, the “big boy” bubble can be punctured in a day. Bruh, one crazy government policy can wipe your entire safety net, one accident on a bad road that could’ve been fixed, etc. I mean, I know a counter-argument is nowhere is immune to bad things. But some bad things can be prevented yet we actively encourage them with the kind of leadership and society we have in Nigeria.
Also, big boy earning in naira is earning less and less each year due to inflation. I have bosses with wards abroad. Convert your naira to the galloping dollar to pay fees, and no amount of salary increase can match it.
Let me add that in my younger years as a Lagos boy, I absolutely loved the chaos, but not anymore. Living in a quieter city has killed that love. And when I travel abroad, I experience a kind of sanity I want long term.
In all honesty, the indices seem easier — we’re still young, not a lot of family burden, and we have enough experience to make an impact in any organisation we join abroad — so japa is the way. It’s only a matter of time.
If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In this series, we get into what dating across income brackets is like in different Nigerian cities.
Adanna* is a 26-year-old ghostwriter based in Yaba, Lagos. Four years ago, she travelled to Lagos to hook up with her Facebook friend and ended up cohabiting with him. Now, she tells Zikoko how she lives with her partner on a ₦500k monthly income.
Image source: Canva (Actual interview subjects are anon*)
Occupation and Location
Ghostwriter in Yaba, Lagos. Lives with her partner.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Rent: ₦35,000 (₦350k annually until they move next month)
Dog expenses: ₦150k every two months for two dogs
Occasional gifts: ₦50 – ₦100k on average
Dates: Approx. ₦100 – ₦120k monthly
Water: ₦6k
Food: ₦60k-ish
House dues: ₦15k
Data subscription: ₦6k
Black tax: ₦200k-ish depending on the month. Could be more but it’s never less.
Savings: ₦15k
How long have you been in your relationship?
Three years. Four years by February, Insha Allah.
Amin. How much do you both earn monthly?
Depends really. Last month, I made ₦800k. Sometimes, it’s a lot less. But on average, roughly ₦500k.
Right now, my partner earns about ₦600k on average.
And how did y’all start dating?
We met on Facebook. We’d been friends for a few months before he slid into my DMs with “hey” late one night. I genuinely thought he was just being a horny goat because no man texts that late with good intentions. But I was wrong. We had a good conversation.
I was in 400 level studying law then. About two years later, after graduation and a suicide attempt, I decided to do something crazy: I packed my bags to Lagos for two weeks. We met at a park in Anthony for the first time.
Just like that? No talking stage?
The connection wasn’t instant, tbh. We had mutual interests and had been interacting on the timeline. My siblings were even mutuals with him on Facebook, before we started talking in the DMs, and that’s what we bonded over. It wasn’t that strange, my siblings usually steal my cool friends after a while.
We texted almost every day for two years. We were platonic at first: he helped me through a horrible relationship, and I helped him with two bad breakups. During our virtual friendship, there was an undercurrent of sexual tension, though. Sometimes we’d veer off into suggestive topics and pull ourselves back to platonic.
But we remained friends with the intention to fuck until the day I literally told him I was packing my things and moving to Lagos. He wasn’t sold on the idea, but then he said, “You know what? Come, we’ll see.” That’s the energy this boy gave me, SMH. Anyway, I went, and we saw.
LMAO. Tell me about the “saw”
The first day I arrived at his house, we just moved straight to the sex. After five months, on Valentine’s Day in 2019, he asked me to date him in the supermarket where I was buying him cookies. I said yes.
Why?
In hindsight, we really did things backwards because it was a very physical relationship before the emotions crept in. From September to February, we were friends with benefits while I was living in his house. So by the time we started dating, it was clear that, one: the cohabiting arrangement worked for us, and two: it would be a serious relationship.
How much were you earning when you went to live with him?
Maybe ₦50–70k a month.
Fear no catch you?
Nope. I didn’t care. I’m very shameless.
What was your partner’s financial situation?
He was earning a lot more than me, around ₦230–250k monthly, doing independent writing contracts and stuff. My own writing gigs were ₦1 per word, so I was more reliant on him then. He handled the big bills while I took on smaller bills like food and toiletries. Life was a bit easier because we didn’t have that many responsibilities — black tax wasn’t choking me and we didn’t have a dog. So we somehow managed to survive on less than ₦300k a month.
He paid for stuff; I cooked him dinner, gave him unlimited sexual favours and stimulating conversations as a reward. He gave me time to sort my shit out and never asked me to pay for stuff. I just contributed when I could.
Okay. So how do y’all run finances these days?
Some months, I make more; some, he does. Sometimes, we both make plenty of money — but this one is super rare. So whoever has the most earnings covers the bigger expenses. I don’t think splitting expenses right down the middle makes sense because it’s just too much pressure.
Over time, I notice he tends to spend his money more on our dogs, major bills and fixing stuff around the house, while I spend mine on foodstuff and artisans or domestic staff. I’m the one who always has cash lying around while we use his debit card.
How much do you budget for relationship sturvs these days?
We both contribute to two or three restaurant outings per month and spend anywhere from ₦30–50k on each outing. Shiro does a bottomless sushi-type arrangement that costs ₦26k per person with alcohol and ₦16k without. We usually go twice a month: one with alcohol and one without alcohol. When we go to the movies occasionally, we spend ₦15–20k on tickets, snacks and popcorn plus cab fares. Once in a while, we look for a fine dining restaurant that offers deliveries, order in and chill with Netflix.
We make it a point to go out every weekend. Last week, we went to Classics, VI — they show old Western movies. It’s free entry, but we buy food and pay for transport (around ₦22k on average). We also like IndieView at Freedom Park (₦2k per ticket), where we always buy chicken and chips at ₦3,500 each. For drinks, we like to hang out at Hard Rock Cafe (₦11k for two cocktails) and Bature Breweries (₦15-20k for drinks, pulled pork pizza and onion rings). And when we feel like it, we carpool with friends to the beach where we spend about ₦6k each.
Lovely. What kind of conversations do you have with your partner about money?
Conversations around money can be tense sometimes. We both spend a lot on our families, so it can be difficult to take the other person into account. Despite the fact that we’ve been together for some time, our finances are separate in the sense that I have access to his money and vice versa, but we don’t keep our money in the same place.
It can be a bit difficult to be accountable. Like, for example, you had ₦800k in your account last month. Why are you so broke now; what did you do with it? This situation forces me to look at money beyond something for me to spend and do as I please.
How do you navigate money conflicts?
I’m grateful he pushes me to earn more and flags the times I’m charging too low. Ironically, he can sometimes push me to charge more and turn around to undersell himself, then I’ll now be pissed.
I had an unhealthy relationship with money growing up. I didn’t understand money early as I was raised to be terrified of it. If you give me ₦5m today, I would freak out and overthink and micromanage every single expense. But not my man. He’s more comfortable with money. He’s the one who taught me to spend — especially on things I used to consider ridiculous like ₦50k on a single restaurant outing. He’s helped me ease the burden of guilt and taught me that above everything, money is a tool.
Has money ever caused a major problem?
Oh, we’ve been in some horrible shit before. Like, we’ve been so broke we couldn’t afford food for days. I love food so much, so I was cranky AF. And he took the whole not-being-able-to-provide-for-his-woman situation to heart, telling me to find some other man to provide for me.
I was sick of his patriarchal and one-man-pity-party-with-the-world’s-smallest-violin bullshit. I told him to fuck right off, and we didn’t talk to each other for a bit. But we settled after I got paid and took him to buy some cake and food. I told him if he ever implied I needed a man to eat again, I would leave him. He ate the humble cake, apologised for weeks with small gifts like coffee and lactose-free milk. He hasn’t tried shit like that again since then.
Whoa!
Yup. But there was also the time when he was dealing with some serious depression and wasn’t earning anything. I didn’t even know he was depressed, and in hindsight, he didn’t even want to admit he was depressed. I was basically covering all the bills, so it hurt his ego again. We fought break-up-worthy fights. I was resentful; he was embarrassed and felt emasculated.
Anyway, we ignored each other for a while, but sorta came back when all the emotions were cooled and talked things over. I helped him find a gig worth ₦350k and assisted him with it. That began his slow process back to working full time. After about a year, we figured the finances and mental health shit out.
Wild! Okay, so what’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
It’s a pretty clear picture, and we’re working towards it. We want to build a retreat facility in a southwestern [Nigerian] state, travel to places like India and Greece, and later, settle in a Scandinavian country where we can eventually own property, live in peace, get free education for our kids — if we ever change our minds about childbirth. We’d love to see the Northern Lights from our backyard.
So I guess the ideal financial future would be when we can comfortably afford all that and then some. Right now, we’re consolidating our network, and collaborating on investments, and we’ve started a joint savings account. We already have ₦890k in it; our short-term goal is ₦5m and long-term goal is limitless.
God, abeg, I don’t wanna be a mechanic
LMAO. We’re moving houses soon. We’re currently living in a room in a shared four-bedroom apartment and we want to move to a two-bedroom, so that’s probably going to wipe out our savings. But we move.
Do you have a financial safety net?
Right now? No. We only recently figured out our financial and career shit together as a unit. We finally have stable finances and we’re both getting publishing deals while he’s been accepted for a fellowship. We both work hard, so I’ll give it a year and that answer will be yes. Hopefully, nothing theatrically horrible happens before then.
If you’re interested in talking about how you manage money in your relationship, this is a good place to start. We’re willing to keep your identity anonymous.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
For this interview, I’m speaking with Joel*, a 23-year-old ghostwriter based in Port Harcourt. He tells me how his babe commanded him to leave his exes, losing ₦2.1m in failed investments and how they’re making their relationship work, dating in Port Harcourt and Owerri, on a combined monthly income of ₦325k in 2022.
Average Monthly Income
Varies, but it’s north of ₦200k on most months. Averages around ₦270k monthly.
Occupation
Freelance writer. Writes books and articles. Occasionally invests and holds his breath because, have you seen the forex market? That shit is wild.
Location
Lives in Choba, Port Harcourt. Partner lives in Owerri.
Monthly bills and recurring expenses
Rent: ₦10k (₦120k annually) Netflix: ₦3,600
Fuel, generator repair and maintenance: ₦23k (or more, depending on the mood of mechanics and fuelling stations)
Water: ₦4k
Food: ₦50k+ (depending on how my palate sways)
House dues: ₦4k
Data subscription: ₦15k
Airtime: ₦2k
Black tax: ₦15k+
Savings: Vibes and as the spirit leads. I’ve completely trashed my budget this year. If you use budget follow this country, you can die.
How long have you been in your relationship?
32 months.
How much does your partner earn?
₦50k on average. But it can be anywhere from ₦30k – ₦100k. She’s also a writer; she writes SEO, blogs and articles.
How did y’all start dating?
We were friends since 2018 but kept things strictly platonic. In 2019, she invited me over and told me to get rid of the other women I was seeing because she wanted me. She’s an Igbo woman, so I obliged.
Just like that?
Well, that’s an exaggerated version. The details are much grimmer.
I was in an entanglement with two other girls, one by emotional blackmail and the second by sheer dumb luck. I couldn’t find a way out. So my current babe, who I was already friends with, told me to just dump them, and followed up until I did.
I —
LOL. She even threatened me to be quick, lest her other suitors show up and marry her. I did as asked and we spent the remainder of the year seeing if we’d work out.
Whew. Why did you accept?
Well, for one, I actually liked her. She was more introverted than the two girls holding me hostage.
Secondly, we planned to go out when next I visited her and agreed I’d bankroll the whole thing. But on the day of the outing, she suggested I kept my money; she’d make us something to eat and we’d stay indoors to watch cheesy movies instead. I had puppy eyes immediately.
A finished man
Make she finish me before Nigeria finish me, abeg.
Also, when I arrived at her place, she didn’t expect I’d come in so early. I didn’t even call to ask for directions apart from what she sent earlier. So, I caught her in her most natural state: hair tousled, still in her pajamas and playing with her friends. She was as beautiful underdressed as she was when she dressed up.
Then again, she’s short and thick — I’m talking fleshy thighs, toned arms, tiny, baby hands and legs. Has a round face with plump cheeks. Natural hair. Small, button nose. Too many positives to count.
Anyway, despite wooing me, telling me what to do and saying she liked me first, she still demanded that I ask her out officially. We technically started dating in November 2019 but made it official on January 1st, 2020.
LMAO, Okay. How much were y’all earning then?
She was earning nada, but I finished the year with a savings of about ₦250k.
How did it go from there?
She didn’t have a phone or laptop when we met, because she’d already been robbed twice in one year. So, when she went home for the holidays, I contributed to her efforts to get a new one. Her parents couldn’t be bothered to buy her three smartphones in one year.
Then COVID happened in 2020, and I encouraged her to try content writing, as she’d previously worked as a typist. Soon after, she landed her first gig, which was worth over ₦250k spread across six months. On the other hand, I scaled up and made my first million.
Well, there was a pandemic and school shut down. I was a student then, so my biggest money drain was gone. Meantime, I landed two high-profile clients: one in the Bahamas and another in the United States; both personable and relatively chill people.
After my first job for the Bahamian, she contacted me for two more books and several articles spread across the year. Besides the agreed cost of each job, she tipped well. Imagine getting a $200 tip on a $200 job!
The American was just as big a tipper. I became part of the team writing his dream book. We spoke often — video and voice calls, and as someone who lived in Nigeria at some point, he understood the cost. So, once in a while, he’d send me $200 for data. When my dad passed away, he sent me $200 as a consolation gift, and later, a $150 Christmas gift.
I funnelled most of that money into forex and was earning up to 80% of my capital in ROIs. By October 2020, I had a little over a million in illiquid capital, ₦400k in savings and ₦150k in disposable income.
Balling student!
Meh. I dropped out last year. I’ll be enrolling again next year sha. I’m just 23, but I can’t deal with this public school system no more. And I want to switch from mechanical engineering to studying English.
Okay, tell me more about your babe’s finances
Well, she’s been trying to scale her craft. Some of the clients she got either default or send her gigs inconsistently. During the epidemic of tech bros at the height of the pandemic, she had contracts with several of them. But since their business plan only involved looking like they knew what they were doing without getting any work done, they quickly went under. Some are still owing her to date. Her income has suffered, but she dey push am.
I’ve introduced her to friends and associates, meantime, and I send her jobs when I find them.
Okay. So how much do you budget for relationship sturvs these days?
On average, I spend up to ₦35k when taking her on dates to fancy places, ₦25k for semi-fancy and ₦15k for an ice cream date. If she’s feeling down, I can cheer her up by sending her money or buying her cake and Hollandia. She also loves jewellery, so pretty pennies have gone down those vices as well. There’s the occasional “I want to make my hair, gimme money” where I chuck in up to half of the cost. Then, [sanitary] pads — she hasn’t bought one herself since 2021.
Since you don’t live in the same city, walk me through expenses in a typical staycation
When I visit her, I usually take along supplies to ensure I don’t become a financial burden. Sometimes, I go with raw food like garri, rice and beans — basically, Tinubu’s list. Other times, I buy cereal, milk, sanitary pads and any other thing she wants but doesn’t want to buy herself. My phone is full of lists.
I also buy fuel to run the gen and contribute to daily expenses. I usually time my stay for a week or two at most, and pay for dates except for times she insists.
When she visits me, it’s a different dynamic. I’m fully prepared to deal with 100% of all the expenses and have probably set some money apart for a few dates or takeouts. I get her stuff she likes beforehand, like candy, cereal, milk, butter, biscuits, drinks, etc.
I also cook because she has a specific welcome food: jollof, peppered turkey and Hollandia — unless otherwise stated. So, I try to get that settled before she gets to my place. If I can’t prepare it myself, I make a quick run to a nearby restaurant.
Occasionally, she feels bad for not chipping in like I do at hers and offers to pay for Netflix, buy a keg of fuel or refill the fridge with [bottled] water. I tell her not to worry, but she doesn’t listen.
What kind of conversations do you have with her about money?
Money is a weird topic between us. We don’t often talk about it because she’s a very emotional person, and is prone to being depressed when she doesn’t think she’s doing very well. I bear the bulk of our financials and leave room for her to contribute her little, so she doesn’t feel entirely dependent. She’s always so happy to bail me out when I come calling. What I do is, I often exaggerate the situation so she can feel good about coming through for me. Keeps her happy, keeps me happy.
Give me an instance
So, about last week [July 2022], I ran out of fuel and needed to refill about 35 litres, which would cost ₦6,300. I was reluctant to spend out of my emergency funds because my paycheque got delayed for a bit. I told her I didn’t have money to fill both jerry cans, and that I might not even turn on the gen. She sent me half the money.
Interesting…
We sha don’t assume that just because we’re helping out the other person, they’re totally helpless.
Okay. So do you have a financial safety net?
My babe has her parents, especially her mum. They work and earn pretty decent incomes.
I have about ₦450k saved in fixed deposits sha. But my safety net for illnesses is my ₦50k emergency fund. For more devastating catastrophes, I’ve got nothing.
Hollup, what happened to those your millions?
Well, when the forex market turned in 2020, that was when cryptocurrencies first started their free-fall. Next, other things were taking a hit — bad trades and whatnot — and almost ₦2m from my life savings went with the wind.
Waaaaait —
Yep. I went from millionaire as of November 2020 to peasant on January 1st, 2021. I literally had no money to my name except what I’d previously stashed in the fixed deposit while saving for a new apartment.
How did your partner take it?
I didn’t tell her how much I’d put in, but she was still pissed AF. Also, I’d convinced her to invest too — she put in ₦150k of her own money into forex. So when things went to shit, I promised to refund her capital myself so she could take her mind off it. As time went on, we just… sorta moved on.
Wild! Okay, so what’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?
One where we can afford our needs and luxurious tastes without backbreaking work. Like, as much as I love to cook, I’d prefer to have an in-house chef. Rather than tour the same 15 restaurants within my area, how about breakfast in Paris and lunch in Dubai, you know?
I’m eager to get long-term investments to reap huge payoffs in the future. But I can’t find anything decent in Nigeria yet. Do we even have a stock exchange? I can’t even be bothered with banks because they produce the dumbest results. Someone put in ₦20k on a bank share in the early 2000s and reaped ₦16k in the 2020s. What the fuck?
Anyway, I’m trying to build a network and become financially literate, meantime. I currently have my eyes on angel investing. In a nutshell, I want to get some good generational wealth going. It’s my biggest goal, as is hers.
*subject’s name has been changed to protect his identity.
*This interview has been edited for structure and clarity.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In ourLove Currency series, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different Nigerian cities.
For this interview, I’m speaking with Okoye*, a 29-year-old freelance writer based in Lagos. He tells me how he recovered from a gambling addiction with the help of his lover in 2021, and also how he’s managing his now two-year-old relationship with a single mother, on a ₦300k salary.
*subject’s name has been changed to protect his identity.
Total monthly income
It fluctuates. But ₦300k on average.
Occupation
Freelance writer — with a focus on finance (crypto, especially) and sports.
Bills and recurring expenses
I don’t pay rent because I still live with my parents. My dad, sister and mum contribute to it. Meanwhile, I’m saving up to get my family out of the trenches.
Food: ₦50k because we buy foodstuff in bulk most of the time.
Data: ₦20 – 25k.
Savings for relocating family: ₦80k in the last two months.
Black Tax: Upkeep for my parents and sisters rounds out at about ₦30k.
Miscellaneous: I pay for courses occasionally, and those take around ₦20k.
Netflix: Around ₦4k monthly.
How long have you been in a relationship?
Two years and two months.
How much does your partner earn?
She’s an online thrift vendor, so her income isn’t steady. But she makes an average of ₦80k weekly, which amounts to roughly ₦320k monthly. On some good months, she makes up to ₦400k.
How did y’all start dating?
Around February 2020, I saw her comment on a mutual friend’s post and playfully replied that I liked her but was holding myself back from sliding into her DMs. She responded, “Dey there na.”
So I quickly DMed her. But our initial conversations were stilted. She was mostly unavailable, and I struggled to reach her. She’d just left her ex and was learning to raise her two-year-old son on her own.
But in March, when the lockdown started, she had more time on her hands, so we started talking more often. By April 8, 2020, I chyked her, and she agreed.
How much were you earning then?
I was barely making ₦100k consistently, but we were on lockdown, so the pressure wasn’t much. We were OK with just calls; no need to travel (she doesn’t live in Lagos). We dated virtually until December 2020, when she visited Lagos for an event, and I booked a hotel (I live with my parents).
That was the first time we met.
With such limited income, what gave you the mind to toast a single mother?
I believe I’m an interesting person, and I’m relentless about doing better for myself. So even then, I knew it was just a matter of time, I would eventually earn more money. Also, I’d dated women higher on the social ladder before, and it didn’t freak me out.
Secondly, I really liked her personality. Once I like somebody, and I feel we might vibe well after watching them for a bit, omo, na to shoot shot o. What’s the worst that could happen?
A focused king! Okay, how did it go from there?
Funny, after December 2020, it took another seven months for us to see again, but under unpalatable circumstances. I’d been battling a gambling addiction and was in debt and I’d hidden it from everyone.
But one day, I lost a bet after borrowing money. When the creditors came to look for me, I got overwhelmed, so I left home, booked a hotel, shut my phone off and went to bed. My partner panicked when she couldn’t reach me. When I switched my phone back on the next day, I saw her barrage of messages. So I opened up to her.
I still don’t know how our relationship survived that.
Gist me
I panicked and told her I wanted to break up — I couldn’t continue with the relationship because I thought I had too much baggage. I was over ₦350k in debt from gambling — ₦150k credit from the betting house and ₦200k from loan apps. I thought no one would want to deal with my mess. But she got pissed that I was saying “nonsense”.
Tell me more
Omo. She said it was unfair that I wouldn’t even give her a chance to decide on her own. She did say we should take a break, but she wasn’t going to leave me hanging. She would keep tabs on me to make sure I was okay.
After two weeks, she asked for my account details and passwords so she could track my expenses, and then, she helped me work on a repayment plan. She also suggested I leave my environment — the betting centre was close by — and go stay with her for a while.
I was humbled by her faith in me, so I resolved to get myself out of the mess. I went to visit her and stayed there for a month. I wasn’t her favourite person during that period, but she was very supportive. But I bonded with her toddler so well, he didn’t want me to leave, and that helped.
The change of environment did wonders. I applied for and got ghostwriting gigs that brought in the much-needed cash. My partner had my account details, so she monitored my expenses and ensured I didn’t relapse. I didn’t want to disappoint her again, which helped me stay focused on dealing with the addiction. After that month, I went to live with my aunty. Gradually, I paid off my debts.
It was hard to win her trust again, but by November, our situation improved.
What happened next?
We began to plan for a vacation in December (2021). She visited Lagos, and we toured the city for a few days. I visited her soon after, and we had a staycation. Those were the best two weeks of our relationship.
How much do you budget for relationship sturvs these days?
It’s as the spirit leads. For example, the last time I visited her, sales were poor that week, so I helped her stock up on groceries and provisions before I left. When she wanted a second phone to use as her business line, I gave her ₦40k — a third of the total cost. It’s the little I could do.
When I need help, she comes through as well. We buy each other gifts: ₦15 – ₦20k here, ₦40k there, depending on our finances. She gives me more physical gifts — clothes, slides, etc., while I give cash and the occasional gift.
How much do you spend on vacations?
We make calculations and split costs. We spent around ₦120k over four days on our last vacation in Lagos and split 60/40 — 60% for me, 40% for her. Our hotel room cost ₦12k per night; beach waka took like ₦25k, including cab fares. We spent the rest on bar hopping around Surulere. Food cost us around ₦25k.
Since we don’t live in the same state, we spend the most on each other when we meet. In May 2022, I carried my brokeass to her house. She practically fed me for the first two weeks of my one-month stay and sorted all the bills because I wasn’t getting writing gigs for a hot minute.
But things picked up for me, and I took over payments for the rest of my stay.
What kind of conversations do you have with your woman about money?
We’ve decided to be lovers for the long haul, so we discuss long-term plans. We want to expand her business. I’ve suggested getting a physical location and diversifying what she sells. Her thrift business fluctuates, and I’d like her to be more stable. We’re currently making progress with that.
One of the things we agreed on was to start ajo — ₦100k monthly savings. This month, she’ll pack ₦1.2m and launch the new business line.
I wasn’t business-minded before, but I’ve started to make small investments. My goal is to make an average of ₦800k – ₦1m by next year at least. I’m also learning about the stock market to improve my portfolio and build wealth, and taking courses in comprehensive digital marketing, covering Facebook ads, Google ads, etc. With this new knowledge, I’ll run better ads and boost sales for my woman. I plan to learn about drop shipping once I’m done.
Do you have a financial safety net?
At the moment, no. I’ve spent so much in the last couple of years, I’m practically resetting my life. I don’t like the place I currently live with my family, so I’m hustling to get us out of here soonest.
My saving grace is, worst-case scenario, there are people who see me as credit-worthy. But I’m trying to double my hustle, so I can run family expenses and build a safety net while at it.
What’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?
I want investments in real estate and stable sources of income that would see us making a collective income of at least $4,000 monthly. I’d also like an impressive stock portfolio of low-risk investments to assure our kids of a better quality of life than I’ve had.
When it comes to conversations on the internet, the topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. So I decided to find out more about how people are managing their relationships across different income brackets.
Today, I’m speaking with Kingsley* 28, a lawyer and content writer based in Abuja, and had him explain how he’s holding down his one-year-old relationship on a ₦180k salary.
Total monthly income
Around ₦180k monthly (salary is ₦100k, freelance jobs cover for the rest). I used to earn an extra ₦100k from driving for a cab service, but the car is no longer available.
Bills and recurring expenses
Rent is ₦450,000.
Utilities and subscriptions are recurring expenditures: Electricity, water, and cooking gas. I have to restock my kitchen and toiletries too. Then other miscellaneous expenses like cab fares and fast food.
Entertainment: Netflix and Amazon for movie streaming, and The Athletic for football analysis. I also read The Economist and The Atlantic. Sometimes when I feel like it, I subscribe to Medium’s premium plan too.
Black tax: I send my grandmother some money. It’s not a consistent sum. It varies from time to time. There’s also the occasional billing from acquaintances.
Savings: I’m involved in two different contributory saving thrifts. That’s how I save for rent and unforeseen expenses.
How long have you been in a relationship?
A little over a year. Thirteen months and four days.
How much does your partner earn?
About ₦100k monthly. I may be wrong, sha. I try not to concern myself with my partner’s finances.
How did y’all start dating?
I met my partner on Facebook and we got talking; we were friends for about four months which gave me insight into her work, dreams and goals and life in general. From our conversations, I knew I was going to ask her out. She was rounding off NYSC but I waited until she got settled in her own place before I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Why did you wait till she settled down before asking her to be your girlfriend?
Because it was important to date someone that wasn’t dependent on me. My previous partner was a university student. And even though she didn’t feel entitled to my money, she still had university student problems that she complained about, which would prompt me to step in.
When that relationship ended, I was still in law school, so I decided that my next partner would need to be financially independent. After law school, I got employed and stayed single for about two years. I went on dates and hoed around for a bit. But I kept in mind that I would only get into a relationship that wouldn’t require me to be a breadwinner.
Not much. We don’t live in the same city (she lives in Lagos), so there’s not much to do with money except the times she visits. When she’s coming over, I pay for half of her return flight ticket (economy class), but I handle the travel expenses myself when I visit her, LMAO. Other than flight expenses, birthday gifts, and occasional loans, it’s a budget-friendly relationship.
Walk me through a typical staycation when either of you visits the other
When I’m alone, I typically just have rice, noodles and other Nigerian bachelor food staples. But when she’s over, I stock my kitchen like a 35-year-old with a family by buying foodstuff I typically don’t on a regular day. I buy wine, typically sweet wine because that’s what my girlfriend prefers. Four Cousins is the most recurring so I gats just load up small. She does most of the food shopping, especially spices, seafood, etc.
She doesn’t spend more than a week when she visits, and when we do go out to eat, we go to relatively inexpensive restaurants.
A decent restaurant in Abuja is fairly pricey, so each restaurant outing is between ₦12–₦15k, depending on where we go and what we eat. We’re most likely to eat rice or pasta.
We go on these dates once or twice per visit — not more than twice sha. It depends on how much money is available. Sometimes, she foots the bills. But I know I spend around ₦40k on dating whenever she’s around. I love watching movies with loved ones, so we go to the movies too.
We also spend a lot of time indoors, eating and cuddling. It’s pretty much the same routine when I visit her in Lagos.
Now that you’re in a serious relationship, what kind of conversations do you have with your woman about money?
I’m still not comfortable discussing my finances with my people in detail — even with my parents. Even though my partner is open about her money, I don’t ask her about it because I don’t want to know. She’s complained that I’m not particularly eager to talk about money. I know that when we get married, I’ll need to be fully transparent about my finances, so I’m working on myself. Right now, we still live pretty different lives in different cities, so until then.
That being said, we do help each other out when either of us is in a tight spot financially. When she needs help with a nonessential expense, she playfully asks. If I can afford it, I pay for it. I appreciate the relationship because she doesn’t put me under pressure, and I’m not ashamed that I don’t have plenty of money. She also sends me money when she can.
Yes, I have some savings and I’m involved in two different thrift groups. I have about ₦700k in total savings, which will be cut in half when I take my rent out of it, so not really a safety net, but then we go again. I’m positive of a major boost in income in the coming months, sha, as I’ve started considering more lucrative job offers from a couple of organisations.
What’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?
I’m not the kind of person who dreams of becoming wealthy or taking over the world. I just want to be able to raise a family and give my children a comfortable life. If I hit upper-middle class, I’m fine.
