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Inside Life | Page 4 of 126 | Zikoko!
  • 15 Hausa Proverbs and Their Meanings

    15 Hausa Proverbs and Their Meanings
    15 Hausa Proverbs and Their Meanings

    If you’ve ever watched a Kannywood movie or spent time around people from Northern Nigeria, you’ll catch them throw in a proverb or two when they talk, to spice things up.

    Like Nigerian proverbs in Igbo and Yoruba, Hausa proverbs elevate the conversation for both speakers and listeners. So we sifted through hundreds of proverbs and selected 15 to get you started.

    Kowa yayi hakuri zai samu riba

    Translation: Anyone who is patient will profit.

    Meaning: Good things come to those who wait.

    Tsare gaskiya ko da wuta aka saka ka

    Translation: Keep to the truth even if they put you in the fire.

    Meaning: Embrace the truth even when it’s hard AF.

    In za ka gina ramin mugunta gina shi gajere

    Translation: If you’ll dig a hole of wickedness, dig a shallow one.  

    Meaning: Be careful when you scheme against others because you just might rope yourself in.

    So daia gujia’n makafo ta kono, na biu sai shi chita dainya

    Translation: Once the blind man’s groundnut is burnt, he’ll eat it raw next time.

    Meaning: Experience is the best teacher.

    Hannu daya baya daukan jinka

    Translation: One hand cannot lift a hut.

    Meaning: Teamwork makes the dream work.

    Ko ba’a gwaada ba, gatari ya san dutse

    Translation: Without a trial, a hoe knows a stone.

    Meaning: Experience is the greatest teacher.

    Kworria ta bi kworria, en ta bi akoshi sai ta mutu

    Translation: The calabash follows the calabash. When it follows the wooden basin, it gets broken.

    Meaning: Basically, no go dey do pass yourself.

    Komai yayi farko zai yi karshe

    Translation: Everything that has a beginning has an end.

    Meaning: No condition is permanent.

    Dukawa’n wada ba shi hanna ka tasshi da tsawonka

    Translation: Saluting a dwarf by bowing will not prevent you from rising to your full height again.

    Meaning: Aspire to always do the right thing.

    Rama ba mutua ba

    Translation: Being thin is not dying.

    Meaning: Don’t judge by appearance.

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    Mai tambaya ba shi bata, sai dei asheerinsa ka tonoa

    Translation: He who asks does not go wrong, but his secret is dug up.

    Meaning: Be cautious when asking for and receiving help.

    Madaki shi ya san enda rua ke zubar mashi

    Translation: The owner of the house knows from where the water drips on him.

    Meaning: No one knows your reality better than you do.

    Gishiri nema (na yi ma) mai’n kadde daria’n rana, randa rua ya zo gishiri ya ji kumia

    Translation: Salt laughs at shea butter while the sun shines, but when the rain comes, it hides its head.

    Meaning: Last last, na everybody go chop breakfast.

    Woni tsuntsu ya ke gudu rua, awuagwa rua ta ke nema

    Translation: Some birds avoid water. The duck searches for it.

    Meaning: We don’t all have to like the same things.

    Mutum ba shi soka’n chikkinshi, saanan shi komo shi yi kirari

    Translation: A man does not stick a knife into his stomach and boast about it.

    Meaning: Don’t toot your horn after doing wrong.

    If you love these Hausa proverbs, you should read this: Igbo Proverbs and Their Meanings

  • 10 Afrobeats Lyrics That Make the Perfect Valentine’s Day Messages 

    10 Afrobeats Lyrics That Make the Perfect Valentine’s Day Messages 

    It’s 2024. Why are you still going to Google for generic love messages to send to the LOYL, when Afrobeats stars have dedicated their lives and discography to expressing love in innovative ways?

    If you don’t know where to start, we’ve dug through your favourite hits for the very best lines.

    “My baby, my Valentine / Girl, na you dey make my temperature dey rise”

    This opening line of CKay’s Love Nwantiti straight-up makes it clear how perfect it is for Valentine’s Day. After expressing how your lover’s love keeps you warm in this cold world, the song goes on to say, “If you leave me, I go die, I swear / You’re like the oxygen I need to survive.” But this only works for people you love to death.

    “Na you I wan retire with, my love”

    Oxlade composed Ku Lo Sa for long-distance relationship folks. But this is a straightforward yet sexy line anyone can use to say they want to grow old together with their babe.

    “You are my woman / My perfect human / You make my world feel so right even sometimes when I’m wrong”

    What else articulates everything a person should be to their lover more than these lines from Asake’s Mogbe?

    Source: Spotify

    “You’re the one I want o / Before my liver start to fail”

    Davido goes on to say that if he ever leaves his babe, water should sweep him away, then declares that his babe’s love is so sweet, he must experience it even if it won’t be for long. Listen to Davido’s Assurance for more inspiration on how to show devotion to your babe.

    “They say love is blind, but I dey see am for your eyes”

    Use this to appreciate your lover’s ever-present love. Nothing says, “I see the depth of your feelings towards me” more than this. Thank Davido for this line from Aye.

    “Nothing fit distract me for Lagos / For January, I give you my money / Ego oyibo, ego oyibo, ego oyibo /For February, I put you my baby”

    In four bars, Chike’s Ego Oyibo will help you assure your lover that your bond is stronger than Lagos babes, and all your foreign currency is for them every day of the month.

    “I know say you be my healer / Nobody t’ole yawa”

    If your babe heals your soul and no one can put an asunder between the two of you, this line from Seyi Vibez’s Cana is how you let them know. 

    “Uloma, I dey on my ten toe”

    This is a declaration that you’re fully committed, grounded and loyal to your babe’s government. Only they can make you feel this way, according to Young Jonn on Xtra Cool.

    “The way you do fantastic / Have to put on glasses / Make you no blind me with this your body”

    What you’ll be saying with this text from Burna’s Tested, Approved & Trusted is that the beauty of your lover is new every morning, like the sunrise. As it should be.

    “It must mean I’m on your case, for me to come out / It must mean I’m at the door / I want to show you my world”

    Do like Tems on Me & U and send this to your lover with a plane ticket to a cool baeacation spot. If not, which world do you want to show them?

    Your Babe Won’t Live by Messages Alone, Get these 7 Practical Valentine’s Day Gifts for Them Too

  • 7 Practical Valentine’s Day Gifts for Nigerians Right now

    7 Practical Valentine’s Day Gifts for Nigerians Right now

    It’s finally salary week!  If you count a few more days, you’ll land right on February 14, AKA Valentine’s Day. While a fancy dinner, romantic getaway and customised gift box may seem like well thought-out ideas, we can’t say they reflect the pressing needs of the average Nigerian at the moment. 

    Everywhere choke, and people are going through it. But these items might make life a little easier for the people you hold dear. 

    Rice

    7 Practical Valentine’s Day Gifts for Nigerians Right now

    Rice is the most consumed staple in Nigerian households, so you know there’s a problem when a paint bucket sells for as high as ₦6000. The LOYL may not ask for it, but they’ll appreciate a bag of rice better than that customised mug you’re discussing with a printer right now.

    Fuel

    Everyone with a car or generator has been going through it since Tinubu yanked off fuel subsidy. Your loved ones could use that 25 litres of fuel or you can just offer to fill up their tank. 

    Medical supplies 

    7 Practical Valentine’s Day Gifts for Nigerians Right now

    Drug prices have joined the inflation race, and prices have shot up since the exit of pharmaceutical giants like GlaxoSmithKline. If you’ve got loved ones on life-long medications, chances are they can use some help offsetting their bills right now. 

    Dollars

    7 Practical Valentine’s Day Gifts for Nigerians Right now

    In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, you can present the dollar bills as a money cake or rolled up in a gift box. Either way, you’ll be making the person smile to the bank, and every Nigerian can use that right now. 

    A grocery gift card 

    7 Practical Valentine’s Day Gifts for Nigerians Right now

    Food items are also in the inflation race. Everything has doubled in price, and there’s no guarantee you’ll meet the same price at your next grocery run. So, do you see why the LOYL will appreciate a gift card to stock up on supplies?

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    A CV revamp for international gigs

    If your partner isn’t complaining about being underpaid by a Nigerian employer, you probably know a friend or relative who is. Now how can you come through for them with thoughtful Valentine’s Day gifts? Pay for a CV revamp that’ll land them dollar-paying international gigs.

    Rechargeable fans

    A heatwave is depriving people of quality sleep right now. Even if your loved ones aren’t saying it to you, they’re tired of using dusting powder. Unfortunately, it’s not the best time to purchase electronic appliances in Nigeria thanks to inflation. Come through for your people with that rechargeable fan. 

    Need more Valentine’s Day gifts ideas? You should read this: 8 Totally Appropriate Things to Gift Your Boss for Valentine’s Day

  • I Tell My Children to Let Me Die if I Ever Fall Terminally Ill

    I Tell My Children to Let Me Die if I Ever Fall Terminally Ill

    Navigating loss is never easy. No matter how old our parents get, we’re never really ready for when they’ll leave the earth. I was discussing this with a friend when they revealed their grandmother’s rather strange request: She didn’t want anyone to spend on medical bills if she ever became seriously ill. 

    Intrigued, I got on the phone with mama’s carer, and with her help, got mama (75) to share her reasons.

    As told to Boluwatife

    Image designed by Freepik

    My children think old age has affected some parts of my brain, so I make sure to repeat the same statement at least once a month: You people should let me die if I ever fall terminally ill.

    I’m 75 years old, and in my lifetime, I’ve seen friends and family members battle sicknesses for years. They pile up huge medical bills for their family, and eventually still die. The death that strengthened my resolve not to go the same route was my husband’s.

    He died in 2018 at 71, and he was in and out of the hospital for four years before that. 

    His health battle started with a mini-stroke in 2014. He was admitted, and doctors said, “Oh. Thank God, it’s nothing serious.” That was until they found cancer in his chest during routine scans. Again, they said it wasn’t too serious because it hadn’t advanced much yet.

    A year and several chemotherapy sessions later, the doctors had changed mouth. Something about the tumours moving to other body parts. My children gathered money and took him overseas for better treatment. No one told me how much it cost, but I could see in their eyes that they were stretched thin financially and emotionally.

    About three years after the initial diagnosis, my husband was declared cancer-free. We did thanksgiving at church and even gave away food items to less privileged people in gratitude. 

    Six months later, my husband slumped. The cancer was back, and it caused his kidneys to fail. He had to include dialysis to his long list of medical procedures. This time, my children came to ask me if their father had any money saved up somewhere. 

    He passed away soon after. I was heartbroken. After all we went through, it seemed like we only delayed the inevitable. I don’t want to put my children through the same thing again.

    So, I’ve decided I’ll die at home. I take blood pressure medication and pain relievers for my arthritis, but if I ever develop a terminal illness or a sickness that requires long-term treatment, I’ve told them not to take me to the hospital and just care for me at home. I’ve lived long enough already. I’d rather die than become a financial burden. If they go into debt and sell their properties to keep me alive, but I still die due to old age, what use would it have been? Instead of going through surgery or chemotherapy, isn’t it better for me to cross over peacefully?

    I think my children still don’t take me seriously even though I’ve been saying this since their father died, but I won’t stop reminding them. Maybe the next step should be to tell them that my spirit won’t let them rest if they make me suffer my last days in a hospital. 

    I’m not scared of death, and they shouldn’t be too. Everyone has to go at one point, and I prefer to go in a way that won’t burden anyone. I’ve had the privilege of seeing my children marry and become successful, with their own children. What more does anyone want?


    LIKE THIS STORY? YOU SHOULD READ THIS NEXT: My Grandkids Are My Second Shot at Parenting the Right Way


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  • 15 Igbo Proverbs and Their Meanings

    15 Igbo Proverbs and Their Meanings
    15 Igbo Proverbs and Their Meanings

    Apart from speaking your native Igbo language, what better way is there to show that you’re a true son and daughter of the soil if not by spicing it up with profound proverbs? 

    We’ve seen the beauty of this play out in Chinua Achebe’s iconic literary works and when Pete Edochie breathes life into his onscreen characters. While these guys are pros and getting to their level of mastery might take a while, we’ve compiled a list of some Igbo Nigerian proverbs and their meanings to get you started on your learning journey.

    Onye fee eze, eze eruo ya aka

    Translation: A man who pays respect to the great, paves way for his greatness.

    Meaning: Always acknowledge those who did it before you.

    Azu bu eze na mmiri

    Translation: A fish is a king in water.

    Meaning: Every man is a king in his lane.

    Nwata nne ya kwo na azu amaghi na uzo di anya

    Translation: A baby on its mother’s bag doesn’t know that the road is long.

    Meaning: Ignorance is bliss.

    Igwe bu ike

    Translation: Multitude is strength.

    Meaning: There’s power in community.

    Ewu nwa ogbenye bu chi ya

    Translation: A poor man’s goat is his cow.

    Meaning: Contentment is key. Cherish what you have.

    Uto ka mma n’ote aka

    Translation: Friendship is most pleasant from a distance.

    Meaning: Avoid see-finish in your friendships.

    Ogbughi ka akilu na adan onu ka o si ato

    Translation: The sound of the bite of bitter kola doesn’t correspond with its taste.

    Meaning: All that glitters isn’t gold.

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    Agadi nwaanyi a naghi aka nka na egwu o mara aba

    Translation: An old woman cannot forget the dance step she knows how to dance.

    Meaning: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

    Aka ekpe kwo aka nri, aka nri akwo aka ekpe

    Translation: If the left hand washes the right hand, the right hand washes the left hand.

    Meaning: Scratch my back, and I’ll do the same.

    Aku na-esi obi ike

    Translation: A heavy purse makes the heart light.

    Meaning: With money comes confidence.

    Otu osisi adighi eme oke ohia

    Translation: A tree does not make a forest.

    Meaning: No one is an island. Speak out when you need help.

    Anaghi aso mgbagbu hapu iga osu

    Translation: The fear of death cannot prevent people from going to war.

    Meaning: Death is inevitable. Live and enjoy your life regardless.

    Choo ewu ojii ka chi di

    Translation: The search for a black goat should start before nightfall.

    Meaning: Best to take advantage of a situation when it’s favourable to you.

    Ndidi nwe mmeri

    Translation: Patience has victory.

    Meaning: The good things of life come to those who wait.

    Nwata kwocha aka ya osoro ogaranya rie ihe

    Translation: A child who washs his hands could eat with kings.

    Meaning: You’ll go far in life if you pay respect to whom it’s due.

    If you loved these Igbo proverbs and their meanings, you should read this: 70 Pidgin Proverbs and Their Meanings

  • 14 Crazy Ass Things You Didn’t Know You Could Get on Amazon

    14 Crazy Ass Things You Didn’t Know You Could Get on Amazon

    If, like us, you’ve just found out that Amazon doubles as a real estate company and can deliver a house to you, congratulations. But here are 14 other insane things you didn’t know they can bring to your doorstep.

    Edible insects

    Image Source: Amazon

    If you love trying out new meals, then you should definitely try some Zebra Tarantula.

    Human body fat

    Image Source: Amazon

    If you’re taking a biology course or simply curious about the look and feel of human fat, this is for you.

    The Ghost Meter

    Image Source: Amazon

    Avoiding your village people and their wahala is at the top of most people’s to-do list, but what do you do when the village people chasing after you are six-feet under? Get the ghost meter.

    Placenta recipes book

    Image Source: Amazon

    After hours of pushing your baby and placenta out, why keep the baby and bury the placenta, when you can keep both? Make 25 different scrumptious recipes with the organ that kept your baby kicking in your womb.

    A dildo bouncy ball

    Image Source: Amazon

    You get a guaranteed orgasm and a good abdominal workout with this one.

    A tank

    Image Source: Amazon

    Technically, it’s the one from Star Wars. But you’re buying a tank from Amazon. What did you really expect?

    Wolf urine

    Image Source: Amazon

    Collecting urine from an actual wolf can be a dangerous and disgusting endeavour. Thankfully, you can just buy a bottle of wolf pee on Amazon and save yourself the stress. 

    Canned unicorn meat

    Image Source: Amazon

    Whether unicorns actually exist or not doesn’t really matter. What matters is you can get meat from this mystical creature for the low price of ₦6,294.49.

    Uranium ore

    Image Source: Amazon

    We don’t know what you might need it for, but you can get your Uranium Ore on Amazon. Maybe it can help power your house or estate?

    Nothing

    Image Source: Amazon

    For when you ask the people in your life what they want and they tell you “nothing”. Now, you can make their wants come true.

    Money soap

    Image Source: Amazon

    It won’t have you smelling like money, but each bar contains actual $1 to $50 notes, so you’ll get actual money from it. Or is this the soap that caused the “cut soap for me” trend of 2021?

    Live snails

    Image Source: Amazon

    Need to make a quick pepper snails meal? Fret not, Amazon to the rescue.

    Yourself

    Image Source: Youtube via taylorareed

    Well, a cardboard cutout of yourself. But still, if you’ve ever wanted to be a twin, this is your time to shine.

  • 16 Yoruba Proverbs and Their Meanings

    16 Yoruba Proverbs and Their Meanings

    If you spend enough time on social media, it wouldn’t take you long to find a video of Nollywood’s Kunle Afod getting his colleagues to mention ten Yoruba proverbs and their meaning. He’s had veterans like Yinka Quadri, Saheed Balogun, Lere Paimo, racking their brains to provide these proverbs — a trade in stock for their type of work.

    But if these guys don’t have Yoruba Nigerian proverbs on speed dial, the rest of us are in trouble. We took the trouble to compile a comprehensive list just in case we’re ever put in a similar spot. Grab a notepad, class is in session.

    Adie funfun ko mo ara re lagba

    Translation: A white chicken does not realise its age.

    Meaning: Basically, respect yourself.

    Ile oba to jo ewa lo busi

    Translation: A king’s palace that gets burnt has only added more beauty

    Meaning: Make the best of any situation you find yourself in.

    Bami na omo mi o de inu olomo

    Translation: A parent who wants you to beat their child doesn’t mean it

    Meaning: Don’t go around disciplining other people’s kids.

    Iku npa alagemo to yole nrin, kambelete opolo to ngbe are re shonle

    Translation: A chameleon that approaches with caution dies, talk more of a toad that slams its body with every step.

    Meaning: Tread carefully.

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    Ibi ti a ba pe lori, a ki fi tele

    Translation: Whatever you name as the head, you don’t tread the floor with it.

    Meaning: If it truly matters to you, you’ll hold it dear.

    Ile la ti n ko eso re ode

    Translation: Charity begins at home.

    Meaning: Your good or shitty behaviour is a reflection of your background.

    Orisa bi o le gbemi, se mi bi o se bami

    Translation:  A deity that can’t help your situation should leave you in your present state.

    Meaning: Who go help you no go stress you.

    Gbogbo oro ni nsoju eke

    Translation: A gossip is privy to all matters.

    Meaning: Only busy bodies have an opinion on everything.

    Omo to kawo soke lo fe ka gbe oun

    Translation: It’s the child that lifts its arms that asks to be picked.

    Meaning: Don’t be quiet when you have problems that need solving.

    Banidele la mmo ise eni

    Translation: Going home with a person is how you know his or her ways.

    Meaning: You can only see the true version of a person when you visit their home.

    Labalaba fi ara e weye, ko le se ise eye

    Translation: A butterfly can liken itself to a bird, but it can’t do what a bird can do.

    Meaning: No go dey do pass yourself. Know your limits.

    A ki gbe sara koja a mosalasi

    Translation: One does not carry alms beyond the mosque.

    Meaning: See-finish is the recipe for disgrace.

    Epo ni mo ru, oniyangi ma be temi je

    Translation: I’m carrying palm oil. Sandman, please, don’t ruin my fortune.

    Meaning: Bad energy, stay far away.

    Eni daade ti kuro lomode

    Translation: Anyone who wears a crown has out grown childhood.

    Meaning: Grow up and embrace the responsibilities of adulthood.

    Idi mejeejii to oluwa a re e jokoo

    Translation: The two buttocks are sufficient for the owner to sit on.

    Meaning: Contentment is key.

    Kaka ki agbo ke, agbo a ku

    Translation: Rather than cry out, a ram will die.

    Meaning: Know how to hide your pain.

    If you loved these Yoruba proverbs, you should check out this article: 70 Pidgin Proverbs and Their Meanings

  • Do These Things If You Fall in Love with a Nigerian Movie Star

    Do These Things If You Fall in Love with a Nigerian Movie Star

    One of Nollywood’s resident bad boys, Kunle Remi, tied the knot over the weekend, and one thing is pretty clear: That man is obsessed with his non-celebrity wife, Tiwi.

    But X people got something to feast on when Daniel Etim Effiong’s wife shared a congratulatory message where she admitted it’s hard AF being married to a good looking, in-demand actor. 

    Do These Things If You Fall in Love with a Nigerian Movie Star

    You’ll have to buckle up for some work if you ever get married to a movie star, and we’ve got some tips to help you get started.

    Take a corny ass name like “Celeb wife wife”

    People might roll their eyes all they want, but there’s no better way to mark your territory on the streets of social media. Every user on the platform must know they belong to you. If Desola Afod could pull it off, there’s nothing stopping you.

    Get them to get a face tattoo 

    Do These Things If You Fall in Love with a Nigerian Movie Star

    Forget all that talk about tattoos in private body parts. If they truly love you and want to make the loudest “Beware, this user is taken” statement, nothing beats a tattoo of your name on their face. 

    Become a celebrity 

    Do These Things If You Fall in Love with a Nigerian Movie Star

    This way, you’ll get invites to whatever social functions they have to attend. No one will offer to be their plus one because they know you’ll be there.

    Open a YouTube channel

    Name the channel something like “Keeping Up With The Nzes”, and film 60% of your personal lives for people to see. No better way to let the world know that this particular celebrity puts his family above everything else. 

    You must learn how to act

    Do These Things If You Fall in Love with a Nigerian Movie Star

    And you must be so fucking good at it that when they need to cast a lover for your partner, you’ll be the only one who comes to mind. Everybody knows no one has made a better screen husband for Adesua than Banky W.

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    Befriend their colleagues

    You know how some people aren’t celebrities but are constantly hanging out with them? This has to be you. No better way to keep track of your partner’s activities. You’ll get firsthand info, and some people will even act as your personal “Beware, this user is taken” signage. 

    Become their manager

    Forget the bodyguards, have you seen how managers protect their celebrity talents? They have the power to choose who has access to them or what they should be involved in. Become this person for your partner.

    Fast and pray

    If all other options fail, run to your creator. Your prayer points should include lines like “Make them ugly to anyone who has a crush as tiny as a mustard seed”. 

    Take this quiz: Which Nigerian Celebrity Couple Are You And Your Partner?

  • 15 Lines That Traumatised Nigerian Kids Everywhere

    15 Lines That Traumatised Nigerian Kids Everywhere

    Sure, we’ve all had different lives — that’s the human experience — but as Nigerians growing up in Nigeria, some experiences were damn near universal. Experiences that could be summed up in the following lines.

    WARNING: The lines below could potentially give you flashbacks to the nerve-wracking days of your childhood, not unlike the time Xavier mentally transported Magneto back to his childhood as a Jewish prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp because Magneto was kicking his ass.

    In other words, strap in. It’s going to be a wild ride.

    1) “Finish your food quick. Your lesson teacher is here.”

    2) “We’re going to the hospital to take injection.”

    3) “Go and bring your result. Let me see.”

    4) “If your note is not complete, come outside.”

    5) Your name on the list of noisemakers x38

    6) “Rats will eat you alive if you don’t clean your room.”

    7) “If I go and look for it and find it there, what should I do to you?”

    8) “Eat the food I’ve made or go to sleep hungry.”

    9) “Go and wear your slippers and meet me outside.”

    10) “I’ll deal with you when I get home.”

    11) “You’re resuming boarding school next week.”

    12) “It’s time for our weekly movie viewing of Agbara Nla.”

    13) “If you don’t go to church, you’ll be left behind when the rapture happens.”

    14) Did I not ask you to take the meat out from the freezer?!”

    15) “Bring the money. Let me keep it for you.”

  • 7 of the Most Awkward Moments Young People Experience at Owambes

    7 of the Most Awkward Moments Young People Experience at Owambes
    7 of the Most Awkward Moments Young People Experience at Owambes

    So your family is throwing a party, or your friends invited you to one. As a young person, know that you’ll probably be the least important person at that event simply because you’re young. And you’ll relate to these awkward moments that make you ask yourself, “Why am I here?”

    One piece of protein

    7 of the Most Awkward Moments Young People Experience at Owambes

    The elders on your table will get food that has a piece of turkey, beef and fish, while your plate will have just one small chicken. God, abeg.

    You might not even get served

    Apart from the friend who invited you, no one really cares about your presence in that party. Now, God help you if that friend is too busy to check up on you. You’ll most likely return to your house hungry.

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    The unnecessarily rude caterers

    7 of the Most Awkward Moments Young People Experience at Owambes

    At owambes, caterers are like mini gods. It doesn’t matter that it’s your family’s party and y’all are paying their bills. If you’ve not gotten an elder family member to give strict instructions that you must be obeyed, they’ll shut down every request you make with criminally offensive, bombastic side eyes. 

    No souvenirs

    7 of the Most Awkward Moments Young People Experience at Owambes

    You’ll watch the aunties hand out electronic gadgets, towels, packs of Milo, spaghetti, semovita, detergent, all while acting like you’re Mr/Mrs Invisible. The considerate ones might give you matchboxes sha. 

    You’ll never get the good alcohol

    The good stuff like cocktails, champagne and expensive wine never get to you. Even when they serve your table, the older guests will mark their territory.

    Weird seating arrangements 

    7 of the Most Awkward Moments Young People Experience at Owambes

    If you’re not sent to the back, away from all the action, you’ll deal with older folks politely asking you to scoot over for their VVIP guests. 

    Going on errands

    If the older folks aren’t turning you into their personal photographer, they’re asking you to help them grab a plate, call the caterer or “kindly go and buy me nylon bags” to hide their party spoils. 

    Learn a thing or two before your next owambe: How to Attend an Owambe and Eat Like a King

  • This Is What to Do When You Feel Tremors in Your City

    This Is What to Do When You Feel Tremors in Your City

    If you hear about or experience tremors in your city or state, it’s important to remain calm and try to get yourself to safety. Here’s what to do.

    Drop, cover and hold on

    If you’re indoors, drop to the ground to prevent being knocked over, take cover under a sturdy piece of furniture or against an interior wall, and hold on until the shaking stops.

    Evacuate if necessary

    If there’s a risk of collapse or other hazards, evacuate to an open area away from structures, trees and utility wires. Follow evacuation routes and instructions provided by authorities.

    Stay calm

    Panic can lead to injuries, so try to stay calm and reassure others around you.

    Check-in on the people around you

    As soon as you’re sure you’re safe and unhurt, reach out to the people around you and make sure they don’t need help from emergency services.

    Don’t spread fake news

    We understand how chaotic it might be to feel tremors and not know the cause, but please, make sure you’re sharing only fact-checked news.

    Call for help

    Once you’ve taken cover and are sure of your safety, the next step is to call the emergency numbers for your state and report what has happened.

    Be empathetic

    As much as Nigerians survive off making light of every situation, some things really aren’t funny, especially when people’s lives and properties are in danger. So, while everyone is trying to cope and figure out the cause for the tremors, be kind and empathise with those affected.

    Now that you know what to do when you feel tremors. Here’s all we know about the explosion that rocked Ibadan and caused those tremors the residents felt: Ibadan Explosion: Seyi Makinde Confirms Casualties and Other Details

  • 6 Nigerians Under 35 Talk About Writing Wills

    6 Nigerians Under 35 Talk About Writing Wills

    Legal wills may always be a controversial subject in a conservative country like Nigeria. Like, why are you writing a will when you’re not married, old or bastardly rich? Or, are you planning to die?

    The recent conversations around the late singer, Mohbad, having a will at 26-year-old inspired me to ask other young people who have (or are planning to have) wills why they wrote one, including their general thoughts about it.

    Tobi, 26

    I wrote a will after I bought my first landed property at 25, and it was because of what I experienced from home. 

    My mum saw plenty shege after my dad’s death because he didn’t have a will. He only had the deed to his house. After he died, his siblings stole the deed and sold the house. We couldn’t fight it because we had no proof of ownership.

    I promised myself a thing like that would never happen again. Hence, the will. I also have a notarised document stating who gets my pension from work in the event of my death.

    I’ll keep updating my will as I get more assets. I don’t want to hear story when I’m supposed to be resting on the other side.

    Zee, 21

    I plan to write my will this year. I have €10k in savings, and €15k in stocks. I also save €2k every month. I live in the Netherlands and intend to buy a house via mortgage this year. I’ll write my will afterwards. 

    I believe a will is necessary once you start having assets. To be honest, I just got the conviction to create one as soon as possible. A friend tweeted about writing their own will, and I decided I needed to write mine too. I think I would’ve still considered it sometime this year, though.

    I haven’t actively started the process, but all I need is to draft the document with a lawyer and then notarise it to make it legal. I can also draw up the will in Nigeria, as long as it aligns with Dutch law since my assets are here.

    Isa, 32

    I wrote my will at 30, and I think it’s brilliant to know who is getting what after you’re gone.

    I’m unmarried without kids, but I know life is transient. Anything can happen at any time. So, even though I didn’t exactly have a reason to do it, I felt I had to. I spoke with a lawyer friend, and we drafted the document. The writing, corrections and confirmation process took about three weeks. Then we signed it with witnesses present.

    Now, there’s a sense of relief knowing that that’s out of the way. If I leave Earth today, I can still put smiles on people’s faces. It’s my gift to the universe.

    Ayo, 24

    I don’t have a will yet, but I have a password-encrypted document that has all my asset information— bank accounts, crypto wallet passwords and shares.

    I’ve also scheduled an automated email to send this document to my sister next year, with a reminder on my calendar to reschedule two days prior to sending time. If I’m still alive by then, I’ll reschedule the send date. If not, the email is sent.

    I’ll eventually write a legal will when I start amassing concrete assets like landed property or when I get married. For now, the document suffices because most of my assets are password-based, and I want my sister to have everything.

    Arin, 25

    All my assets are currently in my bank account, and my immediate siblings have the details. I come from a polygamous family and know people whose families started fighting battles among each other when their father died. 

    I don’t know if my dad has a will, and I’m not putting my mind there. My own goal is to make money and write a will to clearly outline who I want it to go to when the time comes. I’m hoping I do this before 35.

    At the moment, my other focus is to find a legal way to dictate who gets my pension. I always thought just having a “Next of kin” sufficed, but I recently learned it doesn’t. So, I plan to find a legal solution to it this year.

    Zoey, 23

    I don’t have a will because I don’t have assets, but I think anyone above 18 with assets should have a will. At the latest, you should have one by 45. Life expectancy in Nigeria is 55 — with other things being equal — so one needs to put their affairs in order around this age.


    You also read about the potential challenges involved with not having a will:

    It’s Taken Us Three Years [and Counting] to Access My Late Aunt’s Pension


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  • Obi Asika, Ali Nuhu Among New Directors of the Federal Ministry of Art, Culture and the Creative Economy

    Obi Asika, Ali Nuhu Among New Directors of the Federal Ministry of Art, Culture and the Creative Economy

    On January 12, 2023, Ajuri Ngalale, Tinubu’s Special Adviser on Media and Publicity, announced the appointment of 11 new directors for the Federal Ministry of Art, Culture and the Creative Economy (FMACCE). These are their names and new roles.

    Tola Akerele — Director-General, National Theatre

    Tola Akerele has built successful businesses that have contributed to contemporary African art. She founded Bogobiri House, an Afrocentric and artistic hotel with an art gallery, restaurant and bar. Alongside being the curator at Soto Gallery, Tola also owns an interior design studio called iDesign by Tola Akelere. With a solid resume in arts, culture and creativity, it’s not hard to see why the direction of the national theatre has been entrusted with her.

    Image source: Businessday NG

    Husseini Shaibu — Director-General, National Films and Censors Board

    The new director of the National Films and Censors Board is Husseini Shaibu, the deputy national director of the National Troupe of Nigeria, an editor at The Guardian newspaper and a film critic. He’s also been a member of the jury board of the Africa Movie Academy Awards (AMAA) and the Nigerian Oscar Selection Committee. 

    Image source: Starconnect Media

    Obi Asika — Director-General, National Council for Arts and Culture

    Anyone who’s familiar with the Nigerian music industry must know Obi Asika is a major contributor to the sector. Not only did his Storm Records platform OG Afrobeats artists like Sasha P, Naeto C, Jazzman Olofin and Yung 6ix, becoming one of Nigeria’s biggest labels to date, but Obi’s ten-episode Afrobeats documentary, Journey of the Beats (2022) on Showmax, also visualised the genre’s history and global movement. He served as a Senior Special Assistant to former President Goodluck Jonathan and was once part of the African Advisory Committee of the Smithsonian’s National Museum of African Art in the U.S.

    Image source: TheWill Downtown

    Aisha Adamu Augie — Director-General, Centre for Black and African Arts and Culture

    Aisha Adamu Augie is an Abuja-based award-winning photographer, filmmaker and mixed media artist. She won the Sisterhood Award for Photographer of the Year and the British Council’s “Through My Eyes” competition in 2014. The same year, Aisha hosted “Alternative Evil”, her first solo photography exhibition. When she’s not hosting the podcast, “I Love Your Work with Aisha Augie”, she’s performing governmental roles. She was a Special Adviser to Zainab Shamsuna Ahmed, the former Minister of Finance, Budget and National Planning, from 2019 to 2023. 

    Instagram: @aishaak49

    Ekpolador-Ebi Koinyan — Chief Conservator, National War Museum

    The National War Museum is the only museum that showcases military history in West Africa, and Ekpolador-Ebi Koinyan is its new chief conservator. Before his appointment, he headed the Bayelsa State Government’s e-Governance Project, and he’s a senior partner at Smart Alliance Consulting, examining the operations of professional service firms in emerging markets.

    X.com: @ekpolador_ebi

    Ahmed Sodangi — Director-General, National Gallery of Art

    Ahmed Sodangi is an experienced expert in the import and export industry, and a project officer at the Bank of Industry Ltd. Although he’s an unfamiliar name, we’re investing a little faith in this president’s appointee.

    Image source: LinkedIn

    Chaliya Shagaya — Director-General, National Institute of Archeology and Museum Studies

    Chaliya Shagaya is an entrepreneur, fashion consultant and ex-mode who’s consulted for respected designers like Deola Sagoe and Korto Momolu. Ms Shayaga served as the former head of new media at Nigerian Maritime Administration and Safety Agency (NIMASA) and head of government relations at the Nigerian Exchange Ltd. (NGX). We look forward to her contribution to preserving our artefacts and museums — and possibly, giving us our Afrobeats Museum?

    Image source: THISDAYLIVE

    Khaltume Bulama Gana — Artistic Director, National Troupe of Nigeria

    Kaltume Bulama Gana is the curator of the National Gallery of Art, an artist who’s showcased her work at more than 45 group and solo exhibitions. She was an assistant director in the History and Culture Bureau in 1987, and before that, she was a TV presenter at Kano State Television from 1985 to 1986. She runs Herwa Heart of Art Initiative, an NGO focused on educating children, including young girls and women affected by Boko Haram’s insurgency. We hope she excels in her new role.

    Image source: OpenBU

    Biodun Ajiboye — Director-General, National Institute for Cultural Orientation

    Biodun Ajiboye has worked in media, publicity and campaigns for the All Progressive Congress (APC) political party and in the Nigerian telecommunication industry. He owned the now defunct Nigerian Telecoms News and the Nigerian Telecoms Awards. 

    Image source: The Guardian Nigeria

    Ali Nuhu — Managing Director, Nigerian Film Corporation

    Ali Nuhu is among the most decorated actors in the Hausa film industry. With over 22 years in the film industry, he’s not a new face to lovers of Kannywood and Nollywood. If you want a problem solved, call on those with firsthand experience in it. We guess that’s what President Tinubu did with this appointment. 

    Image source: Daily Trust

    Ramatu Abonbo Mohammed — Director-General, National Commission for Museums and Monuments

    Ramatu Mohammed Abonbo was Niger State’s former commissioner of commerce, industry and investment. Before her involvement in politics, Ramatu was Chief Marketing Executive at MicroAccess Ltd., a pioneer information and communication firm through which Nigeria’s first national website and the National Hospital’s first website were built. She was also the director of Hamble Group, London. Although her CV isn’t related, we look forward to see how her past successes in executive leadership transfers to her new role.

    Facebook: Haj. Rahmatu Mohammed Yar’adua

    UP NEXT: Dear Minister, Nigeria Already Has Theme Songs to Choose From

  • People With These 4 Physical Features Need To Please Let Us Hear Word

    People With These 4 Physical Features Need To Please Let Us Hear Word

    This one goes out to the people who won the genetic lottery with one or more physical features and have now refused to let us hear word because those features are now desirable and have been declared the standard of beauty by society.

    1) Blue Eyes

    People with blue eyes stare at you with the intensity of the sun as if they’re trying to burrow into your soul and extract your deepest, darkest secrets. They’ll keep doing this until you mention their eye colour; at this point, they’ll blink and break the hypnosis that began with the conversation.

    2) Dimples

    There’s nothing funnier than watching someone who has the faintest hint of a dimple take a picture while doing all they can to make sure the dimple shows, not unlike the guy in the picture above. I’m always concerned for them because it’s like if you squeeze your muscles any further, you’re gonna shit yourself.

    3) Cheekbones

    It’s nice that your cheekbones are sitting high and pretty, but do you have to mention them in the caption of every picture you post? Any small thing, “#Sunkissed #ModelFace #CheekBonesSharpAsHell #AngelineJolieHasNothingOnMe #IWasTheBluePrintForMichaelaCoelsCheekBoneSurgery”. Please rest.

    4) Long legs

    You have long legs. We get it. Also, do you know that taking your pictures from below to make your legs look even longer makes you look like the giant from Giant and the Beanstalk? You didn’t know? Well, now you do.

  • 4 Ridiculous Topics We Agreed To Leave Behind In 2023

    4 Ridiculous Topics We Agreed To Leave Behind In 2023

    Anyone who attempts to start a discourse on any of these topics in 2023 will be doxxed, found, beaten, shamed in the town square on the busiest market day, and banished into the evil forest to find your remaining brain cells.

    You’ve been warned.

    I feel like this topic has been the subject of debate for so long I can imagine Neanderthals arguing about this around a fire in their caves. The fact that it’s still being discussed now is fucking insane. If it means that much to you, split the bill or pay for what you ordered.

    “When did you know your friend actually hated you?” “When did you know you were being cheated on?” “What are the signs of a dying relationship?” “Tell me how you found out your partner was doing wash put for you.” What are you? A demon who feeds on people’s sadness??

    “If you make N40k per month, your wife makes N60m per month, and y’alls rent is N1m, who should pay the rent?” “If both of you go to work at 6 am and get back at 7 pm, who should cook dinner?” If your wife makes more than you, would you tell her to take a pay cut or banish her to live under a bridge forever?” GET A FUCKING HOBBY!

    This movie came out six years ago and had an 18% score on Rotten Tomatoes. It is not a good enough movie to still be debating stupid ass plot points after all this time. Who was wrong? Tyler Perry was wrong for making this shit.

  • 9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times

    9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times
    9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times

    It’s easy to get into a wave of sadness as a Nigerian living in Nigeria. The inflation is threatening to choke you, Tinubu’s government and adulthood are taking turns to suck every ounce of joy in you, you’re losing loved ones to death and the list goes on and on. How do you rise above it all and fight for your dear life? I asked some Nigerians, and they had useful tips for their fellow citizens.

    Call people you love

    “Hearing my mum’s voice makes me smile. It doesn’t matter how bad of a day I’m having. And I know she’ll end the call with a prayer that’ll most likely send the spirit of sadness away.”

    Comfort eat

    9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times

    “Food is my go-to whenever I’m having a bad day. It’s the case for me and my siblings. I remember when we lost my mum some years ago, my brother ordered food that night, and we all just sat together, eating in shared silence.”

    Ask God to make me happy

    9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times

    “I pray about everything, and this includes my happiness. Whenever I feel a wave of sadness coming, I mutter a bible verse under my breath or just ask God to make me happy. It works.”

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    Tailor your expectations 

    9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times

    “The saddest moments in my life have been when people break their promises. It pierces through my heart and leaves me a wreck because I’d never do that. But I’ve learnt to always tailor my expectations of people or things, so I don’t get as sad when they falter.”

    Watch cartoons

    “At my big age, you’ll still find me watching Cartoon Network or jumping on the next animated movie that hits the cinema. There’s something about that make-believe world that excites my imagination and makes me feel like a kid with no worries.”

    Some physical activity

    9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times

    “Could be running, walking or just doing chores around the house. I’ve found that doing something gets me out of my sad zone. There’s that thing about an idle mind and the devil.”

    Including “genital meet and greet”

    9 Nigerians Share How to Be Happy in These Trying Times

    “The quickest way to get me out of a sour mood is sex—or the thought of it. If I have immediate access, I’m going for it. If I don’t, I’m texting my babe and just fantasising about the good time ahead.”

    Find your tribe

    “Loneliness almost finished me in uni even though it was by my own doing. I was so invested in my studies, and it just made people gravitate away from me. But it got better during my NYSC service. I made friends turned family, and being around them makes me happy. Our virtual calls are just as sweet as physical meetings.”

    Speak words of affirmation 

    “I’d have rolled my eyes at anyone who told me I’d be an advocate for positive speaking two years ago, but that’s who I am now. That shit works. I wake up every morning and chant “It’s going to be a good day” for as long as I can, and the universe answers. I think more people should do this.”

    Next up, take this quiz to know your happy place:

    Where’s Your Happy Place?

  • The Most Chaotic Events of the First 10 Days of 2024

    The Most Chaotic Events of the First 10 Days of 2024
    The Most Chaotic Events of the first 10 days of 2024

    This year already has Nigerians clutching their pearls and falling back to the over flogged “God, abeg” cry for help. In one corner, Tinubu’s youngest minister is temporarily yanked out of office over allegations of funds diversion, and on another hand, Davido is stressing 30 BG fans yet again.

    If you’ve been slow on all the action, this article exists to put you on. Now, let’s get into it.

    1200 fuel price scare 

    Things might appear slightly stable now, but Nigerians were greeted with the worst possible New Year’s gift just days ago: A possible 100% hike in fuel price. The NNPC was at loggerheads with independent oil marketers over how much they had to pay for the removed subsidy. They touted a ₦1200 price per litre of fuel, and trust Nigerians to quickly kick against the idea.

    Mum Zee and the two spoons drama

    The Most Chaotic Events of the first 10 days of 2024

    Fake miracles might be a thing in some religious institutions, but that’s not the case with Mum Zee, X Nigeria’s latest favourite person. Mum Zee made a tweet about waking up at 4:50 a.m. to cook for her husband, and some social media feminists came hard at her. The aftermath? Nigerians rose in their droves to appreciate her with cash donations. But that wasn’t the end of it. Big brands like Infinix and Kuda Bank followed suit with gifts.

    As of Wednesday, January 10, she had received another cash donation of ₦1 million.

    Davido x Tiwa Savage x Teebillz

    Stanning Davido has never been for the faint hearted because he’s sure to land in one controversy as soon as another is sizzling down. This time, the head of 30BG is caught up in a rift with Tiwa Savage and her ex-husband, Teebillz. The drama started after Teebillz took to Instagram to accuse him of issuing threats against Tiwa over her relationship with his baby mama, Sophia Momodu. At the moment, a document circulating social media suggests that Tiwa has filed a petition to the police, accusing Davido of “threat of assault and grievous bodily harm”. 

    Teni and the US cabman

    The Most Chaotic Events of the first 10 days of 2024

    Teni Makanaki was one of the people who donated money to Mum Zee, but her act of charity didn’t sit right with a US cabbie. Apparently, he’d picked the singer up twice in Los Angeles, and she never offered a tip, even though he played her music. Teni wasn’t having it, and said the only things he needed were toothpaste and deodorant.

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    BBC’s investigative documentary on late TB Joshua

    TB Joshua might be long dead, but the founder of the Synagogue Church of All Nation (SCOAN) has been trending since BBC Africa dropped an investigative documentary about him on Monday, January 8. The three-part documentary featured accounts from eyewitnesses and victims who claimed they suffered sexual and physical abuse from the man of God. The documentary has sparked heated arguments about TB Joshua’s legacy, with people like Victor Adere coming to his defense.

    Bolanle Ninalowo’s John Thomas’ disclaimer

    When one of Nollywood’s hottest actors has to issue a video disclaimer over a racy tape, you just know it’s going to be a long year. Ninalowo had to show fans what his tattoo looks like and distance himself from a similar dude who was beating his meat in a viral clip.

  • We Decoded Common Office Lingo to Help You Survive January

    We Decoded Common Office Lingo to Help You Survive January

    If you’re like us, you’ve forgotten how to function in a 9-to-5 office since your return from the holidays. So here’s a “gentle” reminder that there’s more to office language than meets the ears. To survive the average work environment, you must understand beyond-the-surface meanings of the most common statements that slip off your co-workers’ lips or keyboard.

    That’s where we come in with the only guide you need to succeed.

    “I trust this meets you well”

    They greet you politely with this to soften the blow for what comes next. It’s just like how mosquitoes sing in your ears before sucking your blood, so stay guarded.

    “Circle back”

    You’ve been asked something ages ago, but not a word from you. Now, they’re back to check if you’re dead or want to be fired.

    “For your information”

    This translates to “I don’t expect a response, but don’t say I didn’t tell you.” It’s a smooth denial disclaimer.

    “Prioritise”

    In a 9-5 setup, this word means drop everything in the world to focus on the singular task your oga has assigned to you.

    “Gentle reminder”

    They’ve shouted on top of your head three times already. This gentle nudge is because they’ve noted that you’re sleeping on your job. You better wake up before it turns into a final reminder.

    “Per your request”

    This is to passively say they’ve done exactly what you asked for without additions. They’re not magicians; they just bang on their keyboard buttons.

    “Per my last email”

    You get this when the sender of the email can’t believe they have to repeat themselves. It’s a mix of frustration and “wetin dey do this guy?”

    “Attached for the record”

    It means, “You may not check this on time, but when wahala bursts, you’ll wish you had.”

    “As we approach the end of year…”

    Remember the backlog of work that made you greatful for the holiday in the first place? Well, it’ll be back at the end of this year. Get ready for urgent chaos, i.e., tasks that’ll bombard you before the company closes.

    It’s all an endless loop.

  • How to Love Your Birthday Even Though You Low-Key Hate It

    How to Love Your Birthday Even Though You Low-Key Hate It

    Hating the day your parents brought you into this world?

    There’s nothing more real than that. 

    We get your hatred, and we see you, because nobody really sent your parents message. But we also know that at some point, you might get tired of feeling that way, so here’s how to force yourself to love the day of your birth just a tiny little bit.

    Spread the news of your birth

    We’re not saying put it on a billboard or shout it from the rooftops, but tell everyone who matters. Not everyone remembers dates, so it won’t hurt to tell a friend to tell a friend to tell a friend that the anniversary of the day you originally graced the world with your greatness is fast approaching.

    Or don’t spread the news of your birth

    It’s also very okay if you just want to be alone for your birthday, read a book and sip on some wine. You get to ease into your birthday and enjoy every moment of it instead of fielding calls and texts from everyone you know and their acquaintances.

    Think of all the freebies

    In this Agbado economy where Burger peanuts are now ₦520, every freebie counts. Think of all the free food, drinks, gifts and money you’ll get on your birthday if you simply bask in it all.

    You don’t have to socialise right away

    Just block the calls and texts and social messages out. It’s your birthday, and the only person who should matter on that day is yourself. Ignore everything and everyone and focus on what makes you happy.

    Don’t overthink it

    Birth what? The birds are chirping, the sun is shining and Tinsel is still showing on African Magic. So what if you get a couple “Happy birthday” calls and messages? It’s just a regular ass day with a little bit more love.

    Overthink it

    On the other hand, it’s the day you made your grand entrance into the world. Granted, it happened without your permission, but you took it like a champ, so let people celebrate you like the idan you are.

    Do something for you

    It’s your day, and you should celebrate yourself how you see fit, even if that means burying yourself under a heavy ass blanket in the comfort of your bed.

    At the end of the day, the only way to shake off the birthday blues is by doing what works for you, whatever it may be.

    That includes letting us show you how to make sure you never receive a bad birthday gift that might ruin your day again.

    READ: 10 Ways to Make Sure You Never Receive a Bad Birthday Gift

  • Telltale Signs Your Place of Worship Is a Cult 

    Telltale Signs Your Place of Worship Is a Cult 

    BBC’s investigative documentary on TB Joshua is unhinged for many reasons, but one thing is crystal clear, the clergyman’s ministry ticks all the boxes of a cult.

    A cult is a religious organisation with unusual spiritual and philosophical beliefs. Followers are often brainwashed to embrace extreme teachings and practices, and would often need external intervention to get separated from the institution.

    We recently asked people who’ve found themselves in cults in the past, and if your church or mosque exhibits most or all of these signs, it might be time to pack it up and run for dear life.

    The spiritual leader is called “Daddy, Mummy”

    When you call a person who isn’t your parent “mum or dad”, it means you respect them a lot. In the case of a religious leader, you hold them in high reverence. They, in turn, see you as a child who needs guidance at all times. You’ve probably now been placed in this perpetual state of childhood, forever dependent on them.

    The institution is heavily tied to the founder

    On the websites, it’s quotes and pictures of the founder. You’re bombarded with posters and stickers of the founder often touted to offer some form of protection. Recommended texts are books written by the founder. Can you see the pattern at play? Please, dust your slippers and run away.

    “We’re one big family”

    We’ve already established this as a corporate workplace red flag, but if you didn’t know, you should also run if your church casually throws the statement around. The idea is to ostracise you from your actual loved ones to form new relationships with fellow brainwashed members.

    Every call-to-action comes with an ultimatum 

    When you start getting messages like: “If you’ve not paid your tithe by XYZ, God won’t be happy with you or If you miss this vigil, you’re not ready for blessings.” If you go against their directives, you’ll be met with subtle hostility, and sometimes, ostracism. 

    Punishment for missing activities

    A normal religious institution understands your spiritual activities are just one section of your life, and as such, there’ll be times when you’ll miss things. But if these lapses are greeted with penalties of any kind, there’s probably a huge problem that needs escaping from.

     [ad]

    Donations that tie your worth to money

    A religious institution is the one place that should be open to everyone regardless of social class or financial standing. If you’re constantly asked to donate, if rich members are given special treatment, if donations are ranked according to frequency and amount given, you really shouldn’t wait to find out the worst. 

    You must recruit new members

    While it’s not bad to want to spread the gospel and get more people to join your cool church or mosque, it becomes a problem when this takes the form of an aggressive sales pitch. It gets more suspicious if the special department carved out for those saddled with this responsibility are given a monthly quota of new recruits.

    Repetitive drills

    This is probably the most important sign to look out for. Sometimes, you don’t know when you’re being brainwashed, and you’re far too gone when people around you find out. But try your best to look out for repeated drills that take the form of chanting or constant recitals. According to Anneka, one of the late TB Joshua’s victims featured in the BBC Africa documentary, they’re trying to make you lose cognitive clarity so you can obey and take orders without question. 

  • In 2024, Your GRWM Videos Should Tick These Boxes

    In 2024, Your GRWM Videos Should Tick These Boxes

    Get Ready With Me (GRWM) videos are as popular as comedy skits these days. So if you’re not funny, but you want to make it on the streets of social media, they’re a great alternative.

    To become an excellent GRWM content creator, you’ll need more than teasing thirst traps in front of your camera and ring light. It’s an oversaturated market, but the best GRWM creators get some things right.

    Create a plan

    Be intentional about crafting a unique format and tone, including how you showcase the steps. @missimaa, one of the top Nigerian GRWM creators on TikTok, interacts with her audience like it’s a gist party with her besties as she shares every step of her glam-up session.

    Do what you enjoy

    Charity Ekezie has built her TikTok and YouTube following entirely on “GRWM to make-up” videos. Doing what you’re passionate about and sticking to it beats doing everything and being all over the place.

    Skip the intimate part

    The colour of your underwear doesn’t interest us. Just let’s see how you apply your skincare, dress and glam up, so we can steal some tips—please and thanks.

    Don’t fake it sometimes

    Stop pretending you just woke up when you and I know you can’t act to save your life.

    GRWM isn’t “Go Through My Day With Me”

    If your GRWM video has a part two, stop it. We only want to get ready with you. We don’t want to follow you to the mall, drive around town with you or watch you eat all day. Stick to the script.

    Be fashion-forward

    TBH, the best part of watching a GRWM video is seeing you get into a killer outfit. It’s not worth anyone’s time or following if your dress-up is mid. Improve your wardrobe, and internet people may grace you with their attention.

    Quality >>>

    Making content with excellent replay value is essential. A good camera will help. A good mic will help too, but don’t disturb us when you get one, like Hauwa L.

  • Everything BBC’s Documentary Revealed about TB Joshua and SCOAN

    Everything BBC’s Documentary Revealed about TB Joshua and SCOAN

    The founder of The Synagogue Church of All Nations (SCOAN), Temitope Balogun Joshua AKA TB Joshua, has drawn public attention following a three-part BBC documentary investigating allegations of sexual crimes committed by the revered clergyman who passed away in 2021.

    Everything BBC’s Documentary Revealed about TB Joshua and SCOAN

    BBC released the documentary on Monday, January 8, 2024, featuring 25 eyewitnesses and alleged victims who claim to have lived with Joshua on his church premises at different times. We highlight the key revelations from the documentary:

    TB Joshua wanted everything filmed on camera 

    An ex-SCOAN member, Agomoh Paul, recounted how TB Joshua invested 90% of the ministry’s earnings on VHS videos, issuing a single command to the camera crew: “Record everything”. The videos covered healings performed in SCOAN, adding authenticity to his gospel of miracle work.  

    Rae, a former member based abroad, shared how she first encountered TB Joshua through these videos. 

    “The day it started was the day I was shown videos from SCOAN. Nothing was ever the same. We didn’t know what we were going to see. As soon as it started playing, it had a profound effect on me,” Rae told BBC. 

    Anneka, another ex-SCOAN member based abroad, encountered the preacher in a similar fashion. “It was an African church. I was like “What am I seeing? What am I watching?” They were quite graphic. There was no warning. It was private body parts that were swollen and oozing with puss. People with cancers and growth just being vulnerable and desperate. It was shocking to see”.

    In an old interview footage from the documentary, TB explained the rationale for capturing everything on camera. He said, “If Jesus wasn’t recorded in the Bible, you would not believe that he’s the same yesterday, today and forever.”

     [ad]

    He was a MOG with a raging temper

    Several ex-members of the church claimed TB had a horrible temper under the holy man facade he put on for the rest of the world.

    “One of my job was writing articles for the church. He called me in and said “Where’s the article? Have you not published it yet?” And I said “Sorry, sir. I’ve not published it yet,” and he slapped me.”

    Another member recounted how people would run off when the clergyman was “hot” and how those who stayed back were slapped. “You didn’t see it as physical abuse. We were told it’s an honour to get slapped by him because he’s next to Jesus.”

    An obsession with a white audience

    Paul, who said he was once the second-in-command to TB Joshua, claimed the clergyman had a strong bias for white people. “He had special interest in oyinbo.”

    The ex-SCOAN member recounted how Joshua had handed out VHS videos of miracles and confessions to a white pastor from South Africa, who had visited his church, and asked him to distribute them back at home. TB Joshua’s ploy to attract a white congregation worked. 

    “The greatest thing that pumped Synagogue church was when the foreigners started coming.”

    The disciples are staunch loyalists of TB Joshua, saddled with the responsibility of preaching the church’s gospel and recruiting more members. Abisola and Paul told the BBC how they specifically went after vulnerable white members because they were easy to manipulate, especially the unmarried ones.

    “Some intelligent disciples are sent to stalk on the whites. We don’t approach anyone, we look at you and how you fall into what is happening in SCOAN.”

    Sexual abuse allegations

    Several women, who were once under TB Joshua’s discipleship, alleged that they were sexually abused by the clergyman. Abisola, one of his earliest female disciples, claimed she was raped throughout the 14 years she was a member. She also revealed how the clergyman would ask her to find virgins.

    “TB Joshua asked me to find virgins for him, to bring young girls into the disciple fold. In the midnight, this person would be called into his bedroom so that he could disvirgin them.

    “We went into his room, and I stood there. He said, “Off your clothes,” so I removed my clothes. He just pointed, so I lay down, and then he raped me. He broke my virginity. I was screaming, and he was whispering in my ears that I should stop acting like a baby. I was 17 years old. I was underage,” another ex-member of SCOAN told the BBC.

    The guest house collapse of 2014

    On September 12, 2014, a guest house within the premises of SCOAN ministries in Ikotun-Egbe, Lagos, collapsed and killed 115 people. TB Joshua maintained that the building collapse resulted from an aircraft hovering over the said building.

    In the documentary, Emmanuel, an ex-worker at SCOAN, claimed the church building had a structural defect. Rae corroborated Emmanuel’s claim to the BBC, adding that the late TB Joshua went against professional advice to increase the stories. 

    “The building collapse is a prime example of life under TB Joshua. It’s a series of cover-ups. This incident was so significant that it was nearly impossible for him to conceal,” Rae said.

  • 8 Signs Your Babe Eats Other People’s Food at Work

    8 Signs Your Babe Eats Other People’s Food at Work

    Elon Musk’s X is brewing with premium drama after a lady shared how she wakes up as early as 4:50 a.m. to prepare lunch for her husband. Apparently, he told her a female colleague once brought two spoons to work to share her lunch with him.

    As expected, X users are caught on different sides of the argument that ensued. Some laughed off the idea of waking up that early to make lunch for someone else, others dragged gluttonous men, while others cheered her on for knowing how to keep her man.

    8 Signs Your Babe Eats Other People’s Food at Work

    While all sides are valid, the bigger question is, “How can you tell if your own babe is sampling other people’s meal at work?”

    We have the answers.

    When they come home smelling of soup

    8 Signs Your Babe Eats Other People’s Food at Work

    They left the house smelling like vanilla and coffee, so you better be ready to ask questions when you catch the faintest whiff of egusi on their lapel.

    “I’m not having dinner”

    Who returns home after a long day at work and turns down a plate of hot jollof, grilled turkey and dodo? If they’re turning down your food, it’s because they’ve been well-fed elsewhere.

    They start to ask for strange recipes

    8 Signs Your Babe Eats Other People’s Food at Work

    Because why is your Yoruba lover asking for banga, afang or oha soup, when you’ve only known them to eat ewedu? Listen, someone is teasing their tastebuds outside.

    They refuse your offer to pack their lunchbox

    What’s the point when they know colleague XYZ will pack lunch and cutlery for two?

    They start suggesting things while you cook 

    8 Signs Your Babe Eats Other People’s Food at Work

    “Baby, why not fry the beans in red oil first?” They might tell you they saw it on the gram or YouTube, but it’s a lie. They’ve had that shit at work, and now, they’re dying for another taste because the colleague who brings it to work has resigned.

    They take bread, fufu or rice without stew

    Because they’re banking on that colleague in marketing to bring a bowl of soup that’s obviously tastier than yours. 

    They return home with a toothpick in their mouth

    Just imagine the audacity to return from the crime scene with an exhibit. They have to explain what’s stuck between their teeth, but more importantly, why they ate food that isn’t from your kitchen. 

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    They always use the toilet before dinner

    It’s the only way to clear their stomach and make room for your food after they’ve had the treat of their life at work.

  • These Signs Show Your Co-Worker Is About to Resign

    These Signs Show Your Co-Worker Is About to Resign

    It’s January AKA the month when more 9-5ers than usual quit their jobs because they’re ringing in the new year with a new branch of capitalism job. 

    This affects you as a co-worker because you’re stuck doing their work till your employer finds a replacement, if they ever do. Plan ahead by recognising these signs.

    They’re unnecessarily hyper for January

    TBH, the only way someone can be excited about returning to work after the holidays is if they have something exciting to look forward to. In this case, a better job. Look at that overly excited colleague with new eyes today.

    They complain less

    Suddenly, they no longer join you to gossip about your annoying boss and work wahala. It means they’re already one leg out. Be alert.

    You start seeing them on social media

    Everyone and their grandmother knows one of the first rules of the co-worker code is to block your co-workers on social media so you can rant about them in peace. Once you start seeing them on social media, it means they no longer see you as a threat AKA you’re no longer a co-worker.

    Their social media posts are sus

    They start dropping posts like, “Excited about what the next few months hold”. Do you really need another clue?

    They ask about payslips

    Who cares about tax deductions and all that math if it’s not that some other HR officer is asking for it so they can decide their benefits?

    They miss meetings

    Why would they care about meetings when the only thing on their mind is how to start orientation at their new company? 

    They go on leave or suddenly become sick

    They want to enjoy as much time off as possible before resuming at their new job. If you doubt me, ask yourself how many people resign immediately after returning from leave, and you have your answer.


    NEXT READ: Corporate Speak 101: How to Insult Your Coworker Without Losing Your Job


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  • Do These 7 Things If Your Partner Has a Second Spoon at Work

    Do These 7 Things If Your Partner Has a Second Spoon at Work

    Discovering your babe has a work-spoon buddy can be distressing. Why should their coworker have a dedicated second spoon to create a lunchtime duo with your lover?

    Here’s how to handle the situation before things get out of hand.

    Encourage your lover to fast at work

    No serious person will disregard a spiritual practice that would only make them succeed in 2024 just for food from a co-worker trying to get their attention. If they do, let them go.

    Make the spoon go missing

    Whether you have access to the second spoon or not, your problem is half-solved when it gets lost. But I hope your bae’s co-worker isn’t so invested that they get another spoon for your babe anyway.

    Remind them that people get jazzed through food

    Telling your babe to take their eyes off other people’s food isn’t a hard task. Simply remind them about their village people and they’ll be disciplined. If they’re wise, they’ll quickly shift focus from their colleague to only you and your loving meals.

    Get them a lunchbox

    Since food is your partner’s release clause, maybe you need to lock them down with a packed lunchbox or Tupperware. Put beans in one box, stir fry pasta in another and orishirishi in another. But you’d have to wake up at 4:50 a.m every morning to achieve this, so good luck to you.

    No competi, competition for my baby

    Or just get them a finer spoon

    Why stress when you can simply get your spouse a finer second spoon. Anytime they bring out the spoon you gave them, it’ll remind the work partner to look somewhere else. So make sure it’s bright gold.

    Pray for your bae

    If somehow, all of the above fail, and they’re still flexing the second spoon to eat with their co-worker, the matter is now in God’s hands.

    The co-worker: WDYM Sack Letter Day?

    Throw your bae away

    A person who can’t leave their work spouse’s food alone despite your best efforts is beyond saving. Push them out and avoid the apparent love triangle. You’ve lost the fight.

  • The Nigerians Who Should Inspire Your “No Gree For Anybody” 2024 Movement

    The Nigerians Who Should Inspire Your “No Gree For Anybody” 2024 Movement

    2023 plagued Nigeria with crazily high inflation, foreign exchange rates and low purchasing power, among other things. And so, 2024 started with an unofficial theme for most Nigerians: “No gree for anybody” AKA “Stand on business”. 

    Let the church say..

    In simple English, these statements mean Nigerians will give zero chances to anything negative this year. If you accept the challenge, from today henceforth, model your actions after these Nigerians who are famous for varying levels of not giving a fuck.

    Jola and FK

    Jola Ayeye and Feyikemi Abudu have been pushing their “I Said What I Said” podcast since 2017. Their consistency has paid off because the podcast is one of the biggest in Africa today. In December 2023, they hosted a 1500-people live show in Lagos. Not only that, they’re known to platform important conversations around social bias, support small businesses and speak out against societal issues when it counts.

    Portable

    Throughout 2023, Portable kept himself in the news. Whether for his hometown coronation or airing his baby mama issues, he stayed in our faces. His music releases didn’t suffer either; he put out singles and an album. You don’t have to be uncouth like him, but you can emulate the way he makes noise against cheaters and about his hustle and wins. Also, keep being yourself whether people believe in you or not.

    Asake

    Asake’s steady domination of streaming charts is something to study. Despite releases from established acts like Burna Boy and Davido, Mr Money climbs to the top time and time again. In the first half of 2023, Asake’s debut album, Mr Money With The Vibes, had 440 million on-demand streams across platforms in Nigeria — almost twice what Seyi Vibez got in the second position. By August 2023, Lonely At The Top had become the most dominant single on streaming platforms and radio since Davido’s FEM in 2020. It came as no surprise when Spotify Wrapped 2023 listed Asake as the most streamed Nigerian act. Be a “landlord” like Asake in 2024 — turn the top to your house.

    Emmanuel Akinsanmiro

    18-year-old midfielder, Emmanuel Akinsanmiro, was signed on a four-year contract to Inter Milan U-19 football club from Remo Stars, Ogun State, in January 2023. Before then, he’d helped his former team get promoted from the Nigeria National League to the Nigeria Professional Football League in the 2020/2021 season. Emmanuel is proof you can do great things from a small place, so let nothing deter your dream in 2024.

    Nasboi

    The comedian was once a musician signed to Omotola Jalade’s record label in 2014 before he delved into comedy in 2017. In November 2023, possibly inspired by other successful comedians-turned-musicians — Broda Shaggi, Basketmouth, Kenny Blaq — he reignited his old dream by releasing his most popular song, Umbrella, featuring Wande Coal. He’s since gotten entertainment heavyweights, Kanayo O. Kanayo, Mercy Aigbe, Funke Akindele, Don Jazzy, Layi Wasabi and Sabinus, to push his new music. If a “comedian” is pressing hard to dominate musicians on the charts, who are you to not dominate things in and outside your field?

    Paula Sai

    Paula Sai is a budding rap artist who’s been posting freestyles and covers on her socials since 2019. Her delivery style mirrors Ice Spice’s but with Nigerian flavour. In 2023, she had a mild viral moment with one of her freestyles, when popular X users reposted it to make fun of her. In October, she shared her frustration in an X post about the public discouragement, stating that she’d return with a single or EP. Lo behold, Paula announced her comeback and new song this January. Let Paula’s resilience inspire you today.

    Rabiu Ali

    Rabiu Ali is a 43-year-old Kano Pillars footballer who’s been active for over 16 years. He has won consecutive Nigerian Premier League Cup (NPLC) titles for the club (2012, 2013 and 2014). Despite being above “football age” and the oldest player in his club, Rabiu remains tenacious, showing up to play the football he loves. His fans even call him Pele. Moral lesson here? No gree for old age.

    READ: The Year in Review: Nigerian Pop Events That Went Viral in 2023

  • The 6 Stages Of Overcoming “Work Resumption” Sadness

    The 6 Stages Of Overcoming “Work Resumption” Sadness

    You know what’s more insane than the fact that 2024 started on a Monday? The fact that many places of work demanded their employees to return to work the very next day. There has never been a stronger argument for the dismantling of capitalism and the destruction of society as we know it to return to the hunter/gatherer era.

    Anyway, If you’ve returned to work after the holidays, re-energised with a fresh hatred for your job or the concept of having to work to not starve to death, these are the stages you have to go through before you find inner peace. That’s until January next year, when you have to do all this again.

    1) Denial

    You can’t believe the holidays are over. You’re not even entirely sure if they happened. All you remember is ending work for the year one day, and now you’re returning to work with an empty bank account because you blew through your December salary doing Detty December.

    2) Intense despair

    Despair has you by the neck because you know it’s time to your life’s regular programming, which is pretty much work, traffic, work, worry, work, the occasional malaria, work, looking for what to eat, work…

    3) Anger

    You will flip tables while asking out loud to no one in particular why humans have to work to survive, how you didn’t ask for any of this because you didn’t even ask to be life, and how you wish you were a house cat so all you would do is meow meow all day and not have to worry about paying bills.

    4) Optimism

    You stop to think that even though your job sucks donkey balls, there are still some bright sides. Like your coworkers that you like. Or that…I legit can’t think of anything else, so I’m just going to move to the next point.

    5) Despair again.

    Because truly, what and why the fuck?!

    6) Acceptance

    Capitalism always wins, and baby, there’s NOTHING you can do about it. Now get to work before your boss catches you reading this.

  • How To React When Your CEO Is A Video Vixen

    How To React When Your CEO Is A Video Vixen

    While it would be funny as hell to find out that a famous CEO has been living a double life and dropping it low in music videos as a side hustle, I don’t mean “video vixen” in that sense. I mean a CEO who, alongside their CEO-ey duties, LOVES to appear in videos. If the company makes a video, regardless of what it’s about, that CEO will somehow weasel their way into it.

    Like our CEO, for example.

    If you’ve been blessed or cursed with such a CEO, here’s how you handle them.

    1) Create opportunities for them.

    If you’re on the social media team, include videos starring employees on your content calendar so your CEO can be in them. They’re going to make you do it anyway if you don’t, so you might as well be proactive and have it be your idea. Speaking of having it be your idea…

    2) “Convince” them to appear in videos.

    The thing about video vixen CEOs is that even though their desire is clear to everyone, they still try to act reluctant when the opportunity for a video appearance comes along. So you have to indulge them by “convincing” them to be in. They’ll pretend to be busy or uninterested but will definitely be present the second the camera starts recording.

    3) Hype them.

    No matter how they do in the video, gag like it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen. Gag harder than African kings did when European slave traders showed them mirrors for the first time. Gag harder than the ancient Egyptian gays did when Queen Cleopatra debuted her sickening bob for the first time. Gag harder than that one okpa seller did when Jesus walked into the temple and whooped her ass for conducting business in the house of God.

    4) Support

    Watch. Like. Follow. Retweet. Subscribe. Show it to anyone you think would be interested in the video’s subject matter. When you’re done with that, show it to people you know won’t be interested because your CEO wants as many eyes as possible on this video. Their interests be damned.

    5) Come to the realisation that you’ve created a fame monster because once you’ve given your video vixen CEO a taste of stardom, they will want more.

    Damn.

    Here’s the first episode of our CEO’s show, by the way.

  • 6 Things You Can Do With Your Family This Festive Season

    6 Things You Can Do With Your Family This Festive Season

    This holiday is a time for family and reconnecting with loved ones. For a lot of people, this can be awkward because they’ve been apart for long. If you don’t know what to do with all your family members this festive season, we’ve made a list for you.

    Tea time 

    You could still make a cup of tea and sip with your family, but that’s not what we mean. Now that you finally are on  a break from work, there’s no better time to share all the hot gossip you’ve accumulated over the past 4352 days.



    Start a transport business

    Have you seen how much transportation costs these days? Take someone’s vehicle, make your favourite family member your co-pilot, and make great yuletide memories.

    Watch TV together

    DSTV and GOtv have a holiday pop-up channel and a ton of shows premiering this season, there’s no better time to gather your family around the TV and subscribe to a DSTV or GOtv plan than now. They have shows like Nwunye Bekee, coming on December 23, The Theory of Breakfast, which premiers on January 1 and Unscripted which premieres on January 3.

    If you don’t have a TV, there’s also GOtv stream, download it on your phone and stream away.

    Games night

    It might end in a fight, because someone’s decided they’re too old to be beaten in Ludo, but you’re guaranteed a good 30 minutes of fun before the proverbial kasala burst. Alternatively, you can get more fun ideas from TV game shows. We recommend Indomie Love Bowl Game Show, the New Arewa Game Show, and Celebrity Game Face.

    Eat together

    The best memories come from sitting around a table or floor and sharing food and snacks. The best gist also comes up during this time. Spend it wisely.

    Attend concerts together

    Take the entire family on a trip to see their favourite artists this Detty December. The artist might start 10 hours later than expected, but at least you’ll have new suffering to bond over with them.

  • How To Land Your Own IJGB

    How To Land Your Own IJGB

    I know you think the IJGBs have been around for about a month and that if you were going to snag one, you would’ve already, so time has run out.

    Well, perish that thought. Time may be running out, but it hasn’t run out yet. You still have the chance to snag your very own IJGB. But only if you follow the instructions I’m about to lay out. Pay attention, people.

    1) Dress the part.

    Ladies and gents. Detty December is a viciously competitive period. Everyone and their mama is looking for an IJGB to rock the town with, so you must stand out by dressing for the part. Do a wardrobe overhaul and replace every item of clothing you own with the sluttiest clothes you can find on this side of Allen Avenue. It’s like they say: dress for the job you want.

    2) Track them down.

    If the mountain won’t come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain. I don’t understand why whoever came up with this said it like there was the possibility of the mountain going to meet a human, but that’s a story for another day. My point is that these IJGBs won’t come to you, so you have to do your best Joe Goldberg impersonation — complete with witty inner monologue — and track them down. You can find them at raves, house parties, concerts, overpriced restaurants, and traffic.

    3) When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

    To quote my homeboy, Kunle Ologunro: “You want to bam ba? You want to chill with the big boys? Okay nau. Just buy your running shoes ready because you will definitely run kiti kiti when the time comes.”

    Sometimes, IJGBs will engage in certain activities that you may find…less than reputable. Like recreational drug use. Now that you’ve made your way into their circle, you can’t do anything to make them suspicious of you, like judging them with your eyes when they whip out crystal meth. Do what you will with this information.

    4) Keep up.

    IJGBs like to move around. Keep up. Enough said.

    5) Do jazz.

    As I mentioned earlier, the competition is fierce, and you need all the help you can get. Get into your old Nollywood bag and trap someone’s spirit in a groundnut bottle. You can release them when the holidays end, and you need to return to your everyday life.

    Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favour.

  • 8 Struggles People of Marriageable Age Face Every Holiday Season

    8 Struggles People of Marriageable Age Face Every Holiday Season

    Holidays are for celebration, laughter and reunion with your super annoying family members who do too much even when the situation doesn’t call for it. 

    Now, if you’re of marriageable age and still show up single to these reunions, you know you’re in for a rollercoaster of subtle-to-direct shade.

    Your stomach cannot be big in peace

    Because your niece or nephew will randomly blurt out, “Aunty, are you having a baby like my mummy?” And you’ll just have to take the insult with smiles before you get an unsolicited, “This is a sign from God”.

    Prayers you cannot decipher 

    Extended family members know how to pass subtle shade in their prayers. You never know if they mean well or are outrightly asking you to get your shit together. Because what does “You’ll smile very soon” mean? Have you been crying all this while?

    [ad]

    God forbid you come with a friend

    You’ll get questions like, “Is he the one?” or “Is she the one?” until your guest feels like you invited them to your family house to save face.

    The pep talk with big mummy

    Big mummy is that relative who doesn’t cut through the corners. Your parents hold her in high esteem, so who are you to protest if she calls you for a tête-à-tête. Expect opening lines like: “Tolulope, you’re not getting any younger.”

    The matchmaker family friend

    They’ll tell you how they know a “decent person” who is also single and searching. But she’s big mummy’s friend, so you can’t be rude to her. On her way out, she’ll make sure you save the “decent person’s” number.

    Your phone calls getting monitored

    In their head, the only person who can have you walking in circles, speaking in hush tones and laughing sheepishly is the LOYL. So whilst the call is going on, you’ll get side comments like, “Sha be fast and let’s know the one you’re doing.”

    The baby of the house gets a lil too attached 

    Then the uncles and aunts will say, “The babies in heaven are itching to come to you.”

    The annoying cousin coming with their partner and in-laws

    You wish your cousin well, but you can’t help asking why they have their in-laws in your house. Your mum will now come and make comments like, “By this time next year, we’ll multiply because my in-laws will be here too.”

  • They Eat Every Meal With Olive Oil: Impressions From a Nigerian’s First Time in Algeria

    They Eat Every Meal With Olive Oil: Impressions From a Nigerian’s First Time in Algeria

    Sola* walks us through his three-day visit to Algeria, sharing the culture shocks he experienced along the way.

    As told to Boluwatife

    Image designed by Freepik

    I’ve never been much of an adventurous foodie or traveller. I’d only been outside of Nigeria once when I visited Cotonou in 2018, and I had access to the Nigerian food I was familiar with. I think that’s why I still haven’t recovered from the culture shock I experienced during my December 2023 trip to Algeria.

    I didn’t just decide to visit Algeria on a whim. I’m a journalist, and the opportunity to visit the country came when the Algerian government invited my team to cover a conference. 

    My first shock was the visa and travel processes. I knew it was a police state and expected restrictions, especially for journalists, but I assumed it’d be straightforward since we were invited. It wasn’t.

    For one week, we navigated a long back-and-forth process with the Algerian embassy in Abuja, filling out forms in English and Arabic. The embassy in Nigeria initially couldn’t get visa clearance for us from Algeria, and we had to fill out another form specifically for journalists. My team and I finally got our visas two days into the conference and had to rush to catch a flight and meet up.

    After a 14-hour fight, including a stop in Doha, Qatar, we eventually got to Algiers, the capital city. We thought it’d be smooth sailing from this point on, but then we were delayed at the airport for an additional two hours. During this time, we were searched and questioned because of the media equipment we travelled with. We were the only black people in the airport, and I noticed we were gradually getting surrounded by security personnel as we were being questioned. 

    The increased security presence was strategic in a we-take-our-security-serious way, but it reminded me of Nigeria. We wouldn’t have had that ordeal if they had a proper line of communication. It was like one arm of the government invited us, and the other arm had no idea.

    With the visa and travel wahala finally behind us, we were free to do our work and explore Algiers. But the next culture shock was waiting: The food. I mentioned earlier that I’m not an adventurous foodie. I don’t do pass myself. My stomach is somewhat sensitive, so even when I briefly consider switching up my diet, it typically ends at just that — a consideration.

    Algerians eat olive oil with everything. Maybe it’s the hotel we stayed in, but people could be drinking tea and have olive oil by their side. I was so confused. And the bread? It was hard as rocks. Coming from Nigeria, where soft bread is the standard, I was definitely unprepared. 

    A plate of plain bread, crepe and chocolate bread.

    The official languages of Algeria are Arabic and Berber, but they also speak French because France colonised them. The food in the hotel was labelled in French, and I had to use an online translator before ordering. That wasn’t necessarily an issue, but the food itself was mostly always cold and quite bland. No salt or pepper, and there was olive oil and onions in everything. There was also a heavy water shortage. There were different types of drinks, but when it came to water, we’d only get one bottle of water for five people. It was strange.

    A side of purple cabbage and cream to accompany a rice and pasta dish.

    But it wasn’t all bad. On one of the nights, we went to a lounge where a colleague ordered a medium-rare steak. It was the largest steak portion I’ve ever seen in my life. It took my colleague a whole hour to finish it. So, I guess portion-wise, they held nothing back. I had chicken myself, and it wasn’t bad.

    The roads are also amazing. I didn’t see one pot-hole. One night, when we returned to the hotel, we noticed something was wrong with one side of the road. By the next morning, we saw machines fixing it. 

    Did I mention Algeria is a rich country? Almost everyone wore designer outfits – even the security officers wore Rolex watches. Almost everyone smokes too, which I chalked down due to the cold weather. They have a four-day week system, so their weekends start on Thursday. I definitely wasn’t mad at that.

    The Martyrs’ Memorial monument serves as a reminder of the lives lost during Algeria’s fight for Independence.

    I spent three days in Algeria, it’s a really beautiful, well-put-together country. It would have been a 10/10 experience if there wasn’t the food debacle and other culture shocks. Now that I know what to expect regarding the cuisine, I won’t mind visiting again. Maybe by then, I’d have properly researched where to get food I can tolerate.


    *Name was changed for the sake of anonymity.


    NEXT READ: Now They Just Come: A Story of Nigerians Living in Cotonou

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  • Best Okrika Hotspots in Lagos For the Sickest Christmas Fits

    Best Okrika Hotspots in Lagos For the Sickest Christmas Fits

    Thanks to Instagram vendors, there’s hardly any stigma around okrika clothes these days. However, it’s hard to shake the feeling the rebrand of “okrika” to “thrift” is doing more harm than good. These days, the vendors compete with boutique owners for the most ridiculous price. When you say, “But this is okrika now”, you’ll get responses like “We factored in transport fare, the stress of selecting the best pieces, bla bla bla.”

    If you’re tired of the back and forth, and want to dump these vendors for good, we’ve compiled some actual okrika markets in Lagos sure to give you value for money.

    Iyana LUTH Bus stop, Mushin

    @thatfrugalbabe

    This‎ Market‎ is‎ at‎ Luth‎ junction‎ in‎ Mushin,‎ Very‎ close‎ to‎ the‎ First‎ Bank.‎ When‎ you‎ get‎ to‎ Mushin,‎ ask‎ anyone‎ that‎ you‎ are‎ going‎ to‎ Luth‎ Junction,‎ where‎ they‎ enter‎ Idi‎ Araba‎ Bus. ⁣ ⁣They‎ open‎ from‎ 5pm‎ to‎ 6pm‎ daily. ⁣ ⁣#thriftshoes #affordableshoes #platformshoes #affordableplatformsandals #thriftedheels #okrika #thriftshopping #thriftfinds #thrifthaul #mushinmarket

    ♬ original sound – Thatfrugalbabe

    Listen, if you’re in the market for the sickest okrika footwear, this is your plug. The Hausa traders open shop around 5 p.m. every day, and they’ve got everything from sneakers to corporate shoes. Their prices go as low as ₦1500, depending on your price-haggling skills.

    Aswani market, Oshodi

    The good thing about this market? You might go for shoes and clothes but return home with interior décor, kitchen utensils and electronics, just because of how ridiculously cheap the prices are. Before inflation hit, prices were as low as ₦20 – ₦50 for clothing items, but these days expect to spend ₦100 – ₦300 for the same things. But you need a strong eye for fashion to find the best pieces and style them to perfection. To catch the newest stock, best to visit on Tuesdays around 8 a.m. – 11 a.m.

    Katangua, Abule Egba

    Everyone knows this market but hardly visits it because of the distance and insane stress levels involved in navigating the place. But if you’ve got the energy and your price-haggling game is tight, this might be the sickest okrika market you’ll come across. Their items are close to new, and you’ll get pieces from high-end designers too. They get new stock on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It’s best to visit around 6 a.m. – 10 a.m. on these days.

    Yaba market

    If you ask UNILAG and Yabatech students, they’ll tell you Yaba market is now overrated. But that doesn’t mean you should rule it out completely. Just make sure you go with an OG thrifter who can beat down the prices. Avoid Yaba if you’re new to okrika; the traders will see you as a JJC and sell at boutique prices. Best to visit on Wednesdays and Fridays around 6 a.m. and 9 a.m.

    Arena market, Oshodi

    @biggestchiefenkay

    Which of these 6 rules do you follow when you go thrifting? Which ones are you going to follow after watching this reel?🌚 #thrift #thrifting #thriftinginlagos #thriftfinds #lagos #lagosvlogs

    ♬ original sound – Enkay|Product Designer

    Arena market is similar to Aswani market in terms of range, but the prices are slightly higher. Still, you’ll get fashion items at under ₦1000. You’ll also find ridiculously cheap deals for electronic appliances, beddings, cooking utensils and interior décor items. Monday visits work best for this market if you want the best offerings.

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    Cele market

    https://www.tiktok.com/@jelz_wardrobe/video/7302544559811218694?_r=1&_t=8iOEQdWNBva

    This market isn’t as popular as others on the list, but best believe it should be on your radar. They’ve got everything from shoes and bags to household items. Prices can go as low as ₦2000 or as high as ₦5000, depending on what you’re buying. Best to visit on weekdays and in the evening, when the traders are fully open.

  • The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    Christmas is just five days away. What better way to announce your readiness for the holiday than a fitting hairdo? In case you can’t decide what to make, we compiled a list of Christmas hairstyles in Nigeria that’ll have pleasant compliments coming your way.

    Christmas hairstyles for ladies in Nigeria

    Nothing beats the sweet feeling of showing up at the family party and having everyone ask, “Who is your hairdresser?” You can only get that if your hairdo is drop-dead gorgeous. These options will get you started.

    Goddess braids

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    You might spend hours at the salon, but trust us, it’ll be worth it. Nothing screams “I’m Christmas ready” like a salon trip that takes you hours.

    Jumbo braids

    If you’re not a fan of long salon hours, this is your go-to. It’s elegant, it gives strong “I just made my hair” vibes, and it’s low maintenance.

    Ghana weaving

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    The good thing about simple ol’ Ghana weaving? There’d be no chance for questions like “You mean you’re wearing a plot of land on your head?”

    Braided bun

    It’s not all up in your space, and you can even throw in some Christmas-themed accessories.

    Low cut

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    If you hate the harmattan and blazing hot sun package that comes with Christmas, getting a simple low cut is where the magic is at. Throw in some colour for extra oomph.

    Christmas hairstyles for men in Nigeria

    If the girlies are worked up and looking up the best Christmas hairstyles in Nigeria, you best believe the homies are matching their energy. Everyone wants to slay.

    Buzz cut with a side fade

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    Listen, rock this cut and you might as well be the reason for the season.

    Low fade with curls

    Go for this look if you want that sweet balance between dreads and a low-cut.

    Cornrows

    Christmas is that one time of the year when you can get away with a lot of things. Braid your hair this season, and your Nigerian parents will laugh it off because they trust it’s temporary.

    Clean shave

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    If you’ve ever considered pulling off a clean-cut, now might be the time to try it and surprise everyone who knows you.

    Twists

    For if you plan to be outside a lot. It’ll get the girlies looking your way.

    [ad]

    Christmas hairstyles for little girls in Nigeria

    Do you have daughters itching for the coolest Christmas hairstyles in Nigeria? Do you want your nieces to crown you the best for coming through with their Christmas looks? Then these hairstyles are the answers.

    Braids

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    Let’s start with the obvious option. But you should consider braids if the kids have a great tolerance level. It’ll last them through the festive season, and you can style the braids in many different ways.

    Braided puff

    Accessorising will bring out the beauty of this style. And your little one will crown you the best.

    Cornrow pigtails with twists

    The Slay-est Christmas Hairstyles in Nigeria

    Throw in some beads, ribbons and other Christmas-themed accessories.

    Cornrow ponytail

    This is a nice choice if you’ve got a daughter who likes to go extra. The three different sections will make her feel fly.

    Heart-crossed braids

  • Everything You Need More than More Money this December

    Everything You Need More than More Money this December

    Whether you believe it or not, you can’t live by money alone.

    In my observation, while looking out for you and other fellow Nigerians, here are some essentials you probably need more than money this holiday.

    Romance

    Romance is sweeter with money but sweetest when you have nothing else to hold on to. Grab your partner and dream of a future where you can finally afford Detty December.

    Good health

    You shouldn’t have to be told this, but here we are. There’s no Christmas balling without sound health. Watch what you consume, look twice before you cross the road, spend quality time with family if you like them, and for Lagosians: stay indoors if you’re not ready to spend hours in traffic and looking for cabs. 

    Direct supply of original products

    We’ve apparently been buying counterfeit soy sauce, drugs, drinks, canned food, etc. You need to eat and use original products to keep good health. If you find out where to get these products, please inform us.

    Time with loved ones

    My dear brother and sister, a lonely Christmas and holiday benefits no one. Get yourself some company and loving, and make lasting memories money can never buy.

    Work promotion

    Think about it, promotion at work may come with bigger responsibilities, but your money goes up too. If you ask me, it’s better than a money gift that’ll finish in less than a week.

    Job referrals

    When people speak highly of your work and recommend you to your potential clients and employers, that’s something money can’t buy.

    A personal ride

    Specifically for Lagosians because your road network problems need divine intervention. In this surging transport fare issue, a personal ride is what you need most this December and beyond. Skateboard, bicycle, scooter, tricycle, motorcycle, motor car, trailer, whichever works for your budget. Work according to your budget. I wish you a safe ride.

    An appointment on Tinubu’s cabinet

    Tinubu’s government and friends are the only ones balling in Nigeria currently. What’s better than joining the ballers? Though the curses of agitated Nigerians won’t miss you too.

    Relocation

    An escape from this ghetto and being able to catch your breath from the wahala of corrupt government, insecurity, fake products, harsh economy and many other stressful things. Even though their currency is now better than ours, you can start with Benin Republic.

  • These Nigerians Aren’t Excited About Their Low-Budget Christmas

    These Nigerians Aren’t Excited About Their Low-Budget Christmas

    Nigerians are usually excited during the Christmas season, but it’s the third week of December 2023, and the atmosphere is very not Christmasy. Instead, citizens are caving under the weight of inflation — the exorbitant prices of “everything”.

    We asked eight individuals how they’ll celebrate the season, and one thing is clear, they will have to settle for a stripped-down, low-budget celebration.

    Abike * 28

    I’ve attended about five Christmas shows this month, and when I calculated how much I spent on cab rides, it came down to about ₦58k. Just yesterday, I spent ₦14,800 to go to the Island. I had to jump bus back home. The cab prices are so ridiculous. I can’t believe I have to bail out on places I’d love to go simply because I check the cab prices and I can’t afford it. I don’t think I’ll go out a lot this Christmas because I don’t see these prices changing soon.

    Joe* 37

    My company dropped a bombshell on us last Friday: they couldn’t afford to pay our 13th-month bonus this year. After the year we’ve had, I sort of saw it coming, but I kept my hope alive. I mean, it’s Christmas, which company doesn’t want to make its employees happy during Christmas? Right after the announcement, I had to pull out of a four-day Ghana trip I’d planned with friends so it wouldn’t strain my December salary. I’ll settle for a small celebration at home. Maybe I’ll order food on the day to spark some joy, but that’s about it. I’d hate to start gnashing my teeth in the first week of 2024 because I went wild with my spending for Christmas.

     [ad]

    Abimbola* 49

    I told my kids I wouldn’t get them Christmas clothes this year. They seemed content, but I didn’t like it. Since they lost their dad in 2018, I’ve always tried to do everything he did for them during the holidays. New clothes, shoes and pocket money. But this year, things are just so tough. My second born just gained admission to a university, and the last one is in SS3, which means he’ll be on his way to uni soon. We need to save all the money we can, so this Christmas will be a modest celebration. Just us in the house with good food to keep us going. They also don’t know it yet, but I won’t host a New Year party this year. All that money can go a long way in settling more important bills. Sadly, this is what it has come to.

    Victor* 28

    I’ve shelved my Christmas plans to travel home. It’s almost as if the transport workers are conniving with the government to make life more difficult for citizens. I’d planned to take a trip to Uyo and Port Harcourt. The last time I travelled to Port Harcourt, the bus fare was ₦17,500. But it’s now over ₦15k more expensive. I guess I’ll have to make do and stay in Lagos this year.

    Temidayo* 25

    FOMO has nothing on me this year. Everything is just freaking expensive, and it’s taken away the joy of the season. In previous years, I’d attend four to five concerts with my friends. But this year? I’ve not even blinked at any of the concert announcements. Have you seen the Bolt and Uber prices? And on top of that, you have to spend as much as ₦15 – 25k on regular tickets. I’ll stay inside this holiday, abeg.

    Jeremiah *45

    Christmas used to be a time of joy and plenty. I’ll never forgive everyone involved in getting our country to this point where everything is just hard. It’s a struggle to create the same memories I enjoyed as a kid for my children. I used to have a budget of ₦150-200k just for Christmas, and it was enough to have a great time. We’d get two live turkeys, cartons of juice and just stock up the house. My wife went shopping last week with the same budget, and we just had to laugh at what she returned with.

    34* Bisoye

    The situation in the country is so bad that I don’t even have plans to celebrate Christmas, not to talk of setting a budget. There’s no money. I’m going through a divorce, and it’s a lot. The legal fees are currently at about ₦550k. I’m in no mood to celebrate, but maybe I’ll visit a friend and spend the holidays with them.

    Idowu* 28

    Before December came, I already knew I wasn’t going to gallivant around Lagos unless I needed to. I’ve already turned down invitations to big events because of the amount I’d spend on transport. I’ve also been taking a lot of public transport this December. And anybody who knows me knows I mostly opt for private cabs. I live on the mainland, so I’ll stick to going to Ikeja instead of spending on Bolt fares to the Island. My mantra this season is “Home is where the heart is.” Stay indoors to avoid unnecessary debit alerts.

  • 8 People to Avoid This Festive Period

    8 People to Avoid This Festive Period

    Many will return home to spend time with their loved ones because it’s the end of the year and holiday season. Those who haven’t seen each other in a while will link and catch up. People will bond over food and create new memories.

    But in all these doings, there are some types of people who must be avoided if cheer and relaxation is what you want.

    Reckless spenders

    It’s important to spend and ball wisely this December because January will be here in mere seconds. Don’t let your peer’s spending spree lead you astray. Go out with the elderly ones and leave the burden of payment to them.

    People who bill

    But in choosing the elderly loved one to move with, don’t choose a black taxer by mistake. Anybody who bills you this holiday is inconsiderate — except you’re Tinubu’s minister or an assistant to his assistant. You might want to bill them, but that’s different.

    Entitled people

    You haven’t seen or heard from them in a long time, but they get upset because you’ve forgotten them? Except they’re those area brothers you have to settle to avoid trouble, please avoid them..

    People who don’t send invites

    They’re your “friends”, but they haven’t invited you to their house to eat Christmas food? Please, tell them to fix up before it’s too late and they lose you forever.

    Team promise-and-fail

    If your friend pledges to waybill you your Christmas food, but no delivery guy shows up to your door, he or she is a scammer. Immediately, start avoiding such friends.

    Unappreciative people

    Detach yourself from people who don’t appreciate and respect your time or feelings. Don’t let them take you on an unnecessary cruise this Christmas. 

    Party poopers

    Anybody who dulls your vibe in or outside your house should be thrown away.

    FitFam people

    These ones are the worst of them all! Anyone who won’t let you breathe eat this festive time without bringing up your weight or the gym, cut them off till after New Year’s. There’s a time and place for everything, please.

  • How to Survive Harmattan if You Have Dust Allergies

    How to Survive Harmattan if You Have Dust Allergies

    If you find it a bit more difficult to keep your eyes open, breathe or just move around without meeting dust, then you already know our long-awaited visitor, Harmattan, is here.

    Naturally, it has no respect and is coming for everyone with a dust allergy. But fret not, we know how you can survive its stay.

    Get a mask

    Image source: JumiaNg

    Step into your mysterious bag this December, and keep that face mask on. Not only will the dust no longer affect you, you can also walk past all the people you owe without fainting from anxiety.

    Inhalers and nasal sprays too

    Image source: Paracosmic

    Anyone with asthma know they have to become conjoined twins with their inhaler this harmattan. But you don’t need to be asthmatic to get a nasal spray. It’ll help clear your sinuses and make breathing a lot easier.

    If you can, stay inside

    Image source: memes.zikoko

    We know it’s December, and you’re trying to get as detty as possible. But if you can, just stay inside. Outside will trigger your allergies a lot quicker and also suck money out of your account.

    Clean every surface

    Image source: Tenor

    You don’t need to deal with the dust in the air and dusty surfaces all at once. Give yourself a fighting chance by making sure everything around you is wiped clean and dust-free.

    Shut the windows

    Image source: Tenor

    The dust is more determined than a married Nigerian man in a bar. It’ll find its way in somehow. Don’t open your doors or windows to it. Protect yourself today.

    Keep your medications close

    Image source: Tenor

    Go to your nearest pharmacy and get all the drugs your doctor’s prescribed for your allergies. Stay ready to tackle whatever the dust might bring your way.

    Give yourself room to breathe

    Image source: memes.zikoko

    It’s easy to feel like the air around you is closing in when everywhere is filled with dust, so don’t add to your wahala. Make sure you’re not in crowds and there’s always room for you to breathe properly.

    READ: Surviving Harmattan: A Complete Starter Kit

  • You Need to Give Harmattan Season Its Flowers, and Here’s Why

    You Need to Give Harmattan Season Its Flowers, and Here’s Why

    Harmattan season gets the worst PR, and to be honest, it doesn’t deserve that. Yes, the season comes with a truckload of struggle: ashy skin, chapped lips, cracked heels and dry throat. But if you take a moment to really deep it, you’d appreciate these things that make Harmattan the best season ever.

    PHCN, who?

    You Need to Give Harmattan Season Its Flowers, and Here’s Why

    Nature has already blessed you with natural air conditioning. PHCN can fall dead in a ditch.

    Natural food preservative

    Harmattan is all you need to shame PHCN for all the atrocities committed in 2023. With that cool dry Sahara wind, you only need to put food items on a steel surface or bowl to preserve them. 

    Wash and wear

    You Need to Give Harmattan Season Its Flowers, and Here’s Why

    A weather that helps you save extra cost on dry cleaning? Yes, please. Wash your shirt, wear it and we promise it will dry up on your body before you get to the bus stop.

    Wear your lip gloss in peace

    Image: TikTok

    As a guy, you won’t have to deal with annoying questions like “Why are you wearing lip gloss?” “Isn’t that too much?” You’ll get comments like “We love a well-moisturised king”. 

     [ad]

    Agbalumo comes out to play

    You Need to Give Harmattan Season Its Flowers, and Here’s Why

    Image: Sundry Agro

    It’s no surprise that the Queen B of fruits chooses the harmattan season to flourish. Roasted corn, overhyped apples and oranges can go to rest now. 

    Natural starch

    Image: Martha Stewart

    Have you seen the way clothes stand at attention on the line during harmattan? No spray-on starch can give you these results.

    Justification for disposable plates

    Image: UbuyNigeria

    If you hate washing plates, this is the time to jump on the disposable trend without feeling guilty about it. No more semo and eba hardening against unwashed plates, at least for a season.

    Cry in peace

    This weather will let you become the emotional wreck and crybaby you want to be. Before anyone catches a whiff and asks, “What happened?” your tears have dried up.

  • The Best Lip Care Options for the Harmattan Season, Ranked

    The Best Lip Care Options for the Harmattan Season, Ranked

    Maintaining premium beauty can be a hassle during the harmattan season. Your skin looks ashy AF, and even worse, your chapped lips are far from giving “kissable”. But true OGs know there are ways around keeping your lips succulent. 

    We ranked the best lip care options for moisturised lips that will survive the thick and thin of harmattan.

    Vegetable oil

    The Best Lip Care Options for the Harmattan Season, Ranked

    Image source: Food Network

    It’s basically coconut oil with no PR. You can apply a swipe of it before leaving the house, or you can throw a deep-fried turkey in your purse and take a bite anytime you feel the dryness coming.

    Coconut oil

    Image source: Tree Hugger

    It’s an active ingredient in most lip balms, so why not just go for the real deal? Find a container that can fit inside your purse or pocket, and you’re good to go.

    Shea butter

    The Best Lip Care Options for the Harmattan Season, Ranked

    Our mums and grannies clocked this hack before big cosmetics came to bamboozle us with their products. It doesn’t get more natural than a nice spread of good ol’ shea butter on your lips.

    Sleeping masks

    The Best Lip Care Options for the Harmattan Season, Ranked

    Image: Konga

    This one should be on your radar if you hate waking up with dry and chapped lips to begin with. Lip sleeping masks are specifically formulated to keep your lips moisturised overnight. So apply one before you go to bed. 

    Pocket-friendly lip balm

    Image: Ubuy Nigeria

    Your lips will stay strapped all day. You’ll never be caught unaware when that kiss comes your way. Go for a lip balm that’s pocket friendly in both size and cost, and you’re good.

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    Vaseline lip therapy 

    The Best Lip Care Options for the Harmattan Season, Ranked

    Image: Vaselinebrand

    Vaseline is so universal, it doesn’t even seem like a brand name anymore. But besides the petroleum jelly (which also works), they have a range of lip therapy products in different fragrances. Just don’t be tempted to lick it off halfway into the day. 

    Lip balms with SPF

    Image:Ubuy Nigeria

    These ones hit that sweet spot between shiny, well-moisturised lips and extra protection from the sun.

    Long-lasting lip gloss

    Image: Instagram/@herlichbeatyplanet

    You want em’ lips shiny all day? You want your lips to be the centre of attraction when you step in the room? Long-lasting lip glosses is where the magic is at. The key is to make sure the gloss is actually long-lasting.