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On Thursday, there was a prolonged – honestly annoying – argument by Nigerians about what to say or not say to a woman when you’re having an argument. You may not have been present for the argument, but we don’t want to attend any funerals, so we made a list of the tweets for you:
1. “You’re wrong”
Once you say that, you might as well place an order for your coffin. A woman is never wrong in an argument.
2. “Calm down”
Start praying for that man, because he’s about to never have peace again. You people should learn. No woman that’s ever been told to calm down actually calms down.
3. “You’re overreacting”
Under no circumstances, should this leave your mouth. I mean, you can think it, but do not so much as breathe it out.
4. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow”
No one has patience for that! Also what are you doing that we can’t talk about it now?
5. “Go straight to the point”
Wow! You don’t seem to want the argument to end. Let her make all her secondary points before getting to the primary point.
6. “Okay”
LOL! After the long essay, you think you should say “Okay”?
7. “You won’t understand”
Are you trying to say she’s stupid? For real?
8. “Do what you want”
What’s this one saying? Please behave and give your opinion so she can yell at you for it.
9. “Is that why you’re angry?”
Wait, what? The reason is not good enough? Guys need to learn!
10. “It’s not that deep”
Wow.
11. “Whatever”
You cannot show flippancy when arguing with your woman, all she wants to see is remorse!
12. “Why are you being so emotional?”
When you say this, she will go dangerously still. Don’t breathe, bruh.
13. “You just want to be angry”
Now, you’re just inviting the devil in.
14. “This is too much drama”
Really? Say God.
15. “Seen”
It’s like you people want the stress. Why would you say ‘seen’ when another person is angry?
16. “I don’t know what you want me to say”
Rude!
17. “So what do you want from me?”
Sigh! An apology, for you to have a clue…the list goes on.
18. “Can I talk?”
No!! She really doesn’t want to hear from you right now!
Did you know that Nigeria spends nothing less than 1.3 trillion Naira on only food importation annually?
Shocking right? Well It’s true. Now think about the amount spent on importing other goods. Here are some of the things you wouldn’t believe Nigeria imported.
1. Tomatoes
In fact, 16 billion is spent on importing them every year.
2. Wrist watches
3. Leather
Now think of all the leather bags, shoes and commodities you have eaten and all the income that could’ve been generated. No? We didn’t expect any remorse sha.
4. Umbrellas
Unbelievable, right?
5. Walking sticks
Is your mouth opened in surprise yet?
6. Human hair.
We’re not judging.
7. Tobacco
8. Musical instruments
9. Paper
All those exercise books and novels! Gasp!
10. Matresses
11. Artificial flowers
Who would’ve thought?
12. Rice
One would think importation of Ofada rice (also known as brown rice in the abroad), a much more delicious and healthier brand of rice would be more valued and invested in.
13. Palm oil
In spite of the unending number of palm trees in Nigeria.
14. Salt
15. Milk
16. Sugar
Even with abundance of sugarcane sticks.
In this hard economic times, we hope efforts will be made into locally producing and also exporting some of these things.
Are you always hungry? Do you always skip meals? Do you complain frequently, of lack of food because you are a bachelor? Say no more. We’ve made a list of keys things to do to change your story. Take a look.
1. Noodles
You may think this is mainstream, but it isn’t. Variety is the spice of life. There are over four different flavors and you can make them with different garnishes. Stockpile your pantry with these babies and be happy!
2. Buy Yams and Eggs
Probably the easiest and fastest dish available. Cut, peel and boil yams, break eggs, add salt and spices and fry. Tada! Food is served. Easy? Yes we know. You’re welcome.
3. Sandwiches
You have to learn how to eat a lot of these. Always have sandwich ingredients bread, butter, eggs, sardines, lettuce, tomatoes and the like who says you can’t be your own sandwich place.
There are a couple outfits that provide home cooked meals in bulk. Buy these and put them in your refrigerator, bring them out when needed, thaw and eat.
5. Microwave
This machine right here has a lot of miraculous powers. It can restore cold pizza to its fresh state and reheat your takeout from last night. Also, guess what? You can cook certain meals in there.
6. Restaurants
This is one bulletproof method. Simple make a timetable of where you will have your breakfast, lunch and dinner with the different foods you will order. Follow schedule week, in week out till you are tired. Easy? Yeah we know.
7. Plan lunch meetings
If you are lucky to work in an establishment where you have a lot of meetings. Suggest lunch and dinner meetings. Lunch/dinner for that day sorted.
8. Make many female friends that love to cook
See, this is a very important hack. Make many friends, give them gifts of course those are investments (you didn’t hear it here), know their schedule, and pop in around their dinner time for free food. You’re welcome.
9. Get a girlfriend
Sometimes, you may be faced with extreme resistance to your showing up at only dinner times. Don’t worry ask the one you like best out and make her your girlfriend. Guess who now has no excuse not to help your lack of food situation?
10. Beg your friends and family to marry
How does this relate? Your friends or family getting married = free food at the introduction, engagement, reception. You can make friends with the person in charge of the food and take the leftovers home. Free food for one week. Thank us later.
11. Go and marry
See, if all these don’t work for you, we guess it’s time to get married and stop suffering. Get you a woman you love and that knows how to cook and make your life better and rejoice because your hungry days are over.
12. Learn how to cook
This is the back up plan of all back up plans. In case steps 1 to 11 did not work for you. Please there are Youtube tutorials to learn how to cook basic dishes. No data? There are blogs? Still no data? Start trying from hack number one all over.
How do you want to sojourn to meet your maker? In a regular coffin at a solemn ceremony or in a fantasy coffin made to suit your after-life taste?
Here are 7 times Nigerians and Ghanaians were buried in style.
1. An Akwa Ibom man was buried in this shoe coffin.
Those who can leak for you can also leak against you. I speak in parables.Reno Omokri
You might have known that Reno Omokri was the Special Assistant to ex-President Goodluck Jonathan on New Media, but I bet you might not have heard of Reno’s Nuggets. Mr. Omokri has been daily dropping ‘gems’ on twitter. We had to get in on the action.
Disclaimer: Follow these nuggets at your own risk.
1. On the role of wives in their husbands’ friendships.
Dear wife,
Criticizing your husbands choice of friends reflects badly on you. You were once a friend before a wife #RenosWednesdayNugget
No grand introduction is needed to describe this man. Why? He is one of the most popular and powerful monarchs in Nigeria.
He is not just the Alaafin of Oyo, but a holder of several honorary degrees and husband to several women. He became even more popular after photos of him slaying with his wives went viral.
Here are 7 times Oba Lamidi Adeyemi III and his wives made polygamy look so good:
1. When you first think that living on your own will be the best thing you could do.
…and thus begins your search.
2. When you actually convince yourself that you can find great houses online without going outside.
LMAO! Haha! LOL!
3. But seeing an apartment that actually matches its online description is like discovering oil in Lagos.
Why so much lying?
4. When you start to realize that what you WANT and what you can AFFORD are vastly different things.
HAY GOD!
5. You put so many hours into looking for a place that it soon becomes a full-time job, except for one small difference: You’re not getting paid.
This is nonsense!
6. When you say you want a house in ‘Sabo, Yaba’, so the agents start trying to convince you that Maryland is also in Yaba.
I’m so confused!
7. When you think you’ve found a place, then you realize no buses, kekes or even bikes are in the area.
Really? And you want me to live here?
8. When they show you a self-contained in a certifiable dump, and say it’s 400k and they want two years up front.
Are you mad?
9. When you ask about the light situation and they say ‘normal Nigerian light’. And you just know you will never see light again.
Why am I doing this again?
10. When you find a great house, and it’s way out of your price range.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
11. When you realize that high standards = homeless.
See my life. *sheds standards*
12. When you finally find a perfect place within your range and someone walks in and pays in front of you.
Wait, what just happened?
13. When you seriously start considering moving back in with your parents.
They love me. They will accept me.
14. When you finally lower your standards and move into a place.
And you’re stuck there for at least a year.
15. When you realize that ‘secure environment’ means ‘they probably won’t kill you’.
My mummy…
16. And that you should have asked beforehand if a place has all the things you’ll need to survive, you know, like burglary proof, or a changeover switch.
My God!
17. When you discover that you’ve inherited the water, light, and waste bills of the previous tenant.
Is that how life is?!
18. When one of your friends wants to move out of their parents’ house.
Yagazie Emezi is as honest as they come. She’s one of the few who are unafraid to share her mind and say things as she sees it. These are our favourite videos from her Youtube channel.
1. When she talked about moving on from the ex.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=As5PbGimFZ8
2. When she talked about interracial dating.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXzeHvccDyI
3. When she did this daddy-daughter tag.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ouITw5aFwc
4. And this sister tag with her older sister, Akwaeke Emezi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHCg03GVDv8
5. When she talked about her body issues.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JICY9Qgl_9o
6. When she talked about how we all feel about our crush.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtIqykmfIwc
7. When she gave this sex education.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odCHaSOrFds
8. When she talked about female friendships.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4o-tzRjyFs
9. Her story time about her almost threesome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JYUcb3UNDM
10. When she talked about the importance of knowing your body.
Adichie says hair is political. Yup. Afro, dreads, just let it grow and blossom baby. Must attend: that dreads convention each year. Must follow: Blogs, Instagrams, Tweeters about natural hair. Must do: Tell everyone just how great their hair is and welcome them to the other side.
2. Stop wearing a bra
Bras were invented by men to hold you back from freedom. Ditch bras. When people stare at you, hold them tits high by arching your back. Dazeet.
3. Attend Afropolitan vibes
Ignore all the western music and think about the live band bruh. That live band is lit. Don’t forget to tweet about how the bottled Palmwine isn’t fresh enough for you.
4. Visit Terrakulture at least once a month
You haven’t gone to an art gallery? How are you living without the appreciation of art? Rele also holds a couple of events.
5. Tell us how awful international food is
Can we just ban Domino’s? How dare you call chicken suya a pizza variant? *rolling eye emoji*
6. Bogobiri on Thursdays
Nigerian music is trash except when you’re bumping and grinding to it at Vapours on Friday. Bogobiri’s open Mic night is what authentic music should sound like — with proper content and etc.
7. Complain about politics but don’t vote
Tweet about how much light you’re not getting and how the roads in VI are bad. Don’t forget it took you 6 months to register your non-profitable business. But don’t vote. How can you vote in an election that’s already rigged?
8. Tell us how Lagos is the most expensive city ever
“Lagos is the most expensive city I’ve ever lived in”. Thank you Ms. Art internship in Monaco, we had no idea.
9. Complain about the things Nigerians do
This one is really important. Nigerians don’t give personal space. Nigerians eat too loud. Nigerians are too loud on the phone. Nigerians like to talk too much and any other thing you think only Nigerians are capable of doing.
10. Complain about Ubers
Nigeria just doesn’t have enough Ubers bruh. It’s always in surge pricing bruh. There are no trains in Lagos bruh. How are there no trains in Lagos?
11. Be a writer
Write sad poems. More importantly, write “African fiction” and attempt to describe the smell of Lagos. Argue about writing. Compare and contrast Adichie to Achebe and give yourself 10 marks for spotting the differences. Get into a creative writing workshop. Blame your singleness on the fact that nobody can love writers because they’re always sad.
12. Start a blog
Lagosdosgbe.wordpress.com or a URL with a Nigerian slang will be your collection of woes, p settings and the weird thing you bought in traffic. Tell your friends about it every time you have lunch with them.
13. Be proud of your melanin
Black is beautiful. That’s all I have to say. Tag every picture with #Melanin and #Slay. Ugh. Slay is so important. Never forget to slay.
14. Patch everything with Ankara
How else will you define yourself and your Africanness if you don’t have a lirru bit of Ankara and Dashiki pieces everywhere? Put them on your pockets, chest, forehead. Wear an Ankara bikini.
15. Join the fitfam crew
Sign up for Truppr and get on that Lekkoyi bridge. We’re not trying to accept our bodies anymore. That’s so 2012–2014. You must change that body and be fit and have enough Buffality. Dazz rai. Don’t forget to autopost your Endomondo, Runkeeper and Nike+ workouts. Everybody must know.
Shawarma, originally an Arab meat preparation, which could include lamb, beef, chicken and/or frankfurters if you want the luxury of it. Prices usually range between N900-N1500 or more. Spending that much on Shawarma and being disappointed is tragic. We made a list of places to go to get good shawarma in Lagos.
Best Shawarma
This is one of the few good places to go for dope shawarma. People say they live up to their name; Best. It is totally worth a try.
01 Shawarma
It seems its becoming a war of names; 01 we see what you guys did there. There are so many branches of this business you have them wherever you are either on the mainland or the island. Its a lot of Lagosians favorite place.
Titto’s Shawarma
A lot of people that talk about this place don’t even know this is the name. It is located at the Ebeano Supermarket hence “ebeano shawarma”. This is also one top spot for people on the island to get satisfying shawarma.
Shawarma & Cor
They took it to another dimension here with their suyarma. They also have branches both on the mainland and island. They also have a lot of options to include in your shawarma.
Charcoal
At Charcoal, they have a lot of dishes on their menu but their shawarma stands out and is highly sought after. Trust there is usually a long line for it but its worth the wait.
Goodies House
This restaurant/store located on the island has a very wide menu from pizza to pasta to shawarma but yeah, we are particular about the shawarma. They give you your sharwama the way it is meant to be eaten. Perfect.
Legendary R&B/Soul artist, Sade Adu, turns 57 today! The Ibadan-born beauty is the epitome of effortless style and grace. Known for her classic ponytail and red lipstick, Sade has been setting the bar for as long as we can remember, inspiring artists like Alicia Keys and making her fellow Nigerians proud!
Born Helen Folasade Adu on January 16, 1959, to an English mother and a Nigerian father, she initially began her career in modelling and fashion design, before making a career change to music. To date, she has released six albums with her band, Sade.
Here are a few of our favourites that will brighten up your day:
1. Sade – Soldier of Love, from the 2010 album of the same name.
2. Sade – By Your Side, from the band’s fifth studio album, Lovers Rock.
3. Sade – The Sweetest Taboo from the sophomore album, Promise.
4. Sade – No Ordinary Love, from the 1992 album Love Deluxe.
5. Sade – Your Love Is King, from the band’s 1984 debut album, Diamond Life
6. Sade – Is It A Crime from the sophomore album, Promise.
7. Sade – King of Sorrow, from the band’s fifth studio album, Lovers Rock.
There are over a thousand things to do in a lifetime really. But there are some really important things you should do no matter where you live. We made a list to make it easy for you.
1. Spend money on that outfit you so much want
We know you have a “perfect outfit” idea in your head. From the shoes, pants to the shirt, blazer or suit, wrist watch, hat etc. Make sure you definitely buy that whole outfit while you are alive. Don’t be only well dressed in the coffin.
2. Skip work to go skydiving
These two go together so perfectly. It is going to be a day of thrills. Skipping work, and being over three thousand feet in the air. The adrenaline is second to none!
3. Go to a gun range
As a kid you surely did gunshot motions with your bare hands, right? Don’t let it stop there. Go to an actual gun range and fire some rounds, then frame your target sheet. Perfect!
4. Try to meet your hero/role model
You sure do have to meet someone you have always tried to emulate or be like. Make moves to meet them, trust us this is going to be amazing, well except your role model is dead.
5. Get married
Oh yes we went there! Get married settle down with someone you really love and be merry, have kids and be examples for other couples. We purposely did not put this at the end because: Life does not end after marriage.
6. Come up with an idea that is unconventional
Be brilliant. Your brain is a power tool and using it is really encouraged. You may not be an Einstein but come up with an idea you can call your own and flourish.
7. Open the door for a lady repeatedly
You know how it is said that “real men open doors for ladies”? Yeah, you should do that repeatedly you’d earn that badge of honor for opening doors.
8. Give someone an expensive and needed gift
This is hard sometimes, but a well thought out gift that is usually not averagely priced will be super appreciated. You sure want to be that person that “was the suerhero”, at least once in a lifetime. Don’t go broke sha.
9. Make a million
This is a life goal. Make a million whatever currency it is in. You have to do this in a lifetime or even move it up to the next level…billion.
10. Get ripped and fit for the fun of it
Its really good to stay healthy. And you know what else? Getting ripped! You have to do this also, it takes time but you know in your head you had/have them packs.
11. Do a photoshoot or be in one
Before you die you have to be photographed professionally. You know this, we all know this. (You need nice pictures to be in your burial program booklet when you die).
12. Get a memorable award
Nothing as good as being honored with an award for an achievement. It is really fulfilling. Make sure you do something that is worth being mentioned or being awarded. Even if it is “employee of the month”.
13. Do something sexually fun/memorable with your partner
Well this one does not need a lot of explaining *winks*
14. Car race
At a point in a man’s life, he must race – Martin Luther King Jr. You see you have to tick this pr put this n your bucket lists definitely. It is an amazing experience! Well go karting is also racing.
15. Earn money doing what you love
THis is probably the ultimate. You don’t want to be stuck in a job or career you despise. Get out and pursue/do what you love. NB: It is never too late.
Are you someone’s frenemy? How do you know who your frenemy is?
Don’t look like that. We’ll explain to you. A frenemy is simply someone who acts like a friend but is actually an enemy.
Remember these guys?
Here are 7 of Nigerian celebrity frenemies
1. Fight today, shoot a video together after two weeks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFolJfCM-YY
After fighting dirty at the Headies and on twitter, Olamide featured in a Mavins video only two weeks after. Awkward!
2. Throw shade at each other and act cool while at it.
Wizkid and Davido have not had a real fight yet but have been lowkey throwing epic shade at each other.
3. Say how you really feel about them on the internet.
After working under the same label for a few years, Wizkid and Skales kissed goodbye on a not-so-good note.
4. Throw shade at your husband/wife.
Yes! The very dramatic way 9ice and Toni Payne’s 1 year marriage ended . It was rather awkward that his marriage broke up after his controversial song “Once bitten twice shy song”. They’re cool now though.
5. Cook a really mean diss track about someone you know so well.
Ruggedman was mad that his supposed BFF 9ice, didn’t respond to the nasty rumours of an affair with his then wife, Toni Payne.
6. Break up with bae on short notice and give them a shout out on stage after a few years.
Clapbacks and snubs after their heartbreaking split of 2012, D’banj and Donjazzy have kissed and made up but we all know it can never be as it was in the past.
7. Take a cute selfie with a rival.
Not every time throw shade or fight, sometimes take a cute selfie with your biggest rival like Genevieve and Omotola.
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Ever heard music is everything? There are certain times you really need music especially Afrobeats to either get you hyped, confident, relaxed or less nervous. We made a list of Afrobeat songs you should listen to before a job interview. Come thank us when the interview goes well.
1. Wizkid – Ojuelegba
Considering you are coming from a rough past and you need something to relate to, to get you determined to get the job.
2. My Woman – Patoranking ft. Wande Coal
Are you in a relationship and trying to get a better paying job to cover expenses properly? This is the song to motivate you.
3. Adonai – Sarkodie ft. Castro
Quite the religious person? And you need something with a steady tempo to relax your mind and remind yourself “you know what time it is”. This is your song.
4. Owo Ni Koko – Davido
Is the money your motivation to succeed? You heard you will earn twice what you were earning previously? This is the pre-interview song for you.
5. Ashimapeyin – Wande Coal
Sometimes you may get ahead of yourself and skip the line, because you are too eager. Chill, calm down listen to this and relax.
6. Hol’ It – Shatta Wale
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YMZBKA4amYw
This steady paced Afrobeat song will put you in the groove and ready for your interview. Going to have you ready to Hol’ it (the job)
7. Godwin – Korede Bello
This is probably the best Afrobeat song to listen to before an interview. Makes you confident you already landed the job.
8. Shoki – Lil Kesh
This is a motivational, hype, energizing song to put you in the mood! *Disclaimer: we said “listen to” before your interview, not dance to.
9. All Eyes On Me – AKA ft. Burna Boy, Da L.E.S., JR
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc3b-G4NPx8
Put yourself on the spot by listening to this. If you work better under pressure, this song will get your adrenaline levels up for action.
10. Dorrobucci – Mavins
The hit single from the Mavins has everything to do with getting you ready for a job interview.
11. Don Gorgon- Burna Boy
This song puts you in the “Don” mood. What else do you need to put your confidence level on a 100?
12. Soke – Burna Boy
This perfectly paced song will put you in a very relaxed mood, ready and calm enough to wow the interviewing panel.
What are your own favorite afrobeat songs to listen to before a big event?
What are your own favorite afrobeat songs to listen to before a big event?
As ladies, we all have certain times when bad hair day comes knocking or when we just can’t be bothered with hairstyling. Then we get stuck in a rut, not knowing what to do. We have to realise, not everyday hair out, some days hair in — like in a scarf tied turban-style.
Flawless innit? And it isn’t only for when you want to hide your hair, it’s also for when you want to go for a different look, without spending a dime.
In case you’re wondering how to go about it, don’t worry, we got you. These beautiful ladies how to easily achieve this flawlessly!
1. Look like an Egyptian goddess, thanks to Sisi Yemmie!
2. Learn multiple turban styles in one, courtesy of JaMexicanBeauty!
3. Even more styles in just one video, by Estarelive.
4. Nadira shows us ten more ways to do it!
5. Nikkimae coaches us on how to leave some natural hair out and still look hot!
You can see that it’s easy-peasy. Now go forth and tie that turban!
Translation: I’ve never done this before…with you.
3. “I don’t usually do this”
Translation: Please don’t judge me.
4. “My bodycount is 3”
Translation: My bodycount is none of your business, but since you asked, here’s a lie.
5. “Do whatever you want to do”
Translation: Do what I want to do! How dare you think you have a say?
6. “Nothing is wrong”
Translation: EVERYTHING IS WRONG! She has probably heard something or seen something. You are not safe.
At this point, nothing that you do is right. Not even breathing.
7. “I’ll soon be ready”
Translation: Have your bath, eat, watch all the seasons of Smallville and go to the moon; Then, I will be ready.
8. “I’m fine”
Translation: Sit down and comfort me, you clueless male person.
9. “#NoMakeup”
Tranlation: I spent two hours on my make up to look like I didn’t use any make up.
10. “I don’t want to eat”
Translation: Buy your own and then I will proceed to eat it all.
11. “Say it. I won’t be angry.”
Translation: Oya let me hear you criticize me. You think you’ve seen me angry? Watch as you unlock another level with your gullibility.
12. “I’m not trying to be rude”
Translation: She’s about to say some downright disrespectful things. Just start apologizing.
Nigerian lawyer, former minister and politician Femi Fani-Kayode has not ceased to be in the news and on the internet.
He is famous for his sharp unsolicited opinion on national issues and outrageous articles and Facebook posts. Here are the ridiculous things he has said in the media.
1. When he attacked Rotimi Amaechi on his Facebook page.
8. When he tried to stir up trouble after the ministerial appointments of late 2015.
In his usual manner of posting lengthy articles that made eyes roll, he attempted to open old wounds after the ministerial list dropped in September 2015.
9. He believes Nigeria is built on a Satanic foundation.
In his opinion, Lord Lugard and Lady Shaw were satanists and worshippers of Lucifer.
10. This very deep quote he shared on Twitter.
"Buhari is not God and we will not worship him"-Olisa Metuh.
Woe to those who worship men and who bow before Baal,the Lord of the Flies.
Living outside Nigeria could be a whole lot of fun, but after the excitement wears off and you start missing or craving your native dishes life could seem tougher. We made a list of food items Nigerians abroad could give an arm and a leg for at anytime.
1. Indomie
This food item ranks first on any list. No matter the price of Indomie at any African store, it never stays too long on the shelf. Seems the love for Indomie increases, once you step out of the country.
2. Gala
“Bring Gala o”. First, getting gala outside Nigeria is a well appreciated occurrence, why? It expires after two weeks! Eating fresh and good gala outside Nigeria is surely a privilege.
3. Plantain
It is safe to say that, 90% of Nigerians have a relationship with Plantains. “Give a Nigerian abroad a bunch of ripe plantains and he will be your friend forever” – William Shakespeare.
4. Agege Bread
You see this item right here? Gold. You think you would not crave Agege bread or you can handle the absence of it. But when your nostrils smell it outside Nigeria, your tummy does a thanksgiving service.
5. Party Jollof
It is widely accepted that Jollof rice is the key to happiness. But perfectly made Party Jollof rice unlocks a special dimension. Especially when you find it outside Nigeria.
6. Buka Stew
This Stew has changed lives. The recipe to the perfect buka stew is probably known by only a select few. Now imagine what a Nigerian abroad will do to get a bowl of this goodness.
7. Powdered Milk
When you leave the shores of Nigeria, powdered milk becomes a unicorn in some countries. And you have to make do with liquid milk. Presenting a Nigerian with “baba sala” Peak milk or a Nido tin = manna from heaven.
8. Sardines
A couple of these, about a dozen, especially the Titus brand could serve as a decent gift to some Nigerians outside the country. Trust us we have done our research.
9. Suya
Yo! You know how we can’t get enough of this at times, even while it is abundant on the streets. Imagine getting well made suya to a Nigerian that doesn’t have it readily available. Happiness.
10. Kilishi
“Please bring Kilishi when you are coming”. This is a cliche statement when Nigerians abroad meet someone going back home. Get them Kilishi and you have their heart!
11. Ayamase (Designer Stew)
This stew/soup is multipurpose and multi-satisfying. Just a few (if any) Nigerian restaurants outside the country serve it. Give a Nigerian abroad a large bowl of this, priceless!
12. Mr Biggs Meatpie
People who have eaten this know that it has a special recipe very hard to nail. Getting this pastry to a Nigerian abroad, could mean you are a magician. Mr Biggs Y U No open branches outside Nigeria?
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1. When you have to wake up 2 hours earlier than you did during the holidays.
This is not decent.
2. When you regret every single decision that ever led you to being an adult who has to do things.
Like resuming after the holidays.
3. When you enter that morning traffic and you start wishing you could bend time.
This again!
4. When someone at work asks how the holiday was and you just get depressed.
Please!
5. When you open your work mail and there are like 50 unread mails already.
Don’t you people rest?!
6. When the morning meetings remind you of morning devotions with your family.
I just want to go home!
7. At lunchtime you think of all the food you ate over the holidays, while you force yourself to enjoy the salad you made as part of your clean-eating New Year’s resolution.
Gargabe food.
8. 1pm…2pm…nothing productive.
And time is so slow.
9. But you can’t leave work like that so you spend the rest of the day ‘contributing’ to discussions on social media.
Feminism…pounded yam…social constructs.
10. When your journey home seems way longer than usual.
Did they add miles?
11. When you get into bed you plan to have an early night so you don’t feel like this tomorrow.
I can’t live like this.
12. But then you remember there’s Netflix in Nigeria now.
Being one of the most talked about countries in Africa, Uganda has peculiarities that are guaranteed to make anybody laugh out really loud.
Besides being the home of beautiful people, beautiful diverse landscape and breathtaking views, here are 10 other amazing facts about Uganda.
1. Nigeria’s Nollywood isn’t half as hilarious as Uganda’s Wakaliwood.
In case you’re wondering, Wakaliwood is a movie studio named after Wakaliga in Uganda that has produced movies with a budget as low as 50,000. Ever heard of ‘Who Killed Captain Alex‘? It’s ok, thank us later.
2. If you think you have seen it all, check out the Ugandan version of The Expendables.
This is their own version of The Expendables. Dare to watch and surely die of laughter.
3. Ugandans have a special method of dealing with home wreckers.
LMAO!
4. Ugandan English is termed as “Uglish”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0KNVOm1OzQ
Also, when Ugandans want you to move over (or “shift” as Nigerians say), they prefer to say “extend, extend”. LOL!
5. This hilarious public transport mural.
Back to life, back to reality!
6. Discipline is a very big deal, these canes are for the Ugandan task force.
To beat humans or wild goats?
7. This hilarious video by Ugandan comedian Kansiime Anne.
Uganda’s very own Iya Suwe.
8. This photo of their president reading a very useful book.
Remember those good old days of buying Chocomilo, ice water, sugar and Kuli Kuli with this.
Blissful days! Some of you are old though!
Although this beauty can’t even buy a sip of water anymore and is going into a very quick extinction, Here are 10 ways a 50 kobo coin can still be a part of your life.
1. Properly scratch recharge cards.
Stop using your nails please.
2. Pay for stuff at Shoprite.
Now you won’t dash them your 3 Naira change anymore, thank us later.
3. Pay for fuel.
50 Kobo has been shaved off the fuel price so you can pay the exact amount for the fuel you buy in Naira and Kobo.
4. Donate into this charity box at Shoprite.
50 kobo will go a very long way in changing people’s lives if you don’t know.
5. Teach a child how to count.
Instead of counting with fingers and stones.
6. Open Milo and milk tins with ease.
That struggle can be annoying sometimes.
7. Make really pretty jewellery.
Slay can come really cheap.
8. As a screw driver.
When real screw drivers become hard to find.
9. Charge your phone battery.
Because, who Nepa don epp?
10. Portraits and other artsy items.
This is a brilliant art project idea.
What other things do you think a 50 kobo coin can be used for?
At some point, we’ve had to deal with customer service agents whether at banks or with telecom companies or regular stores. It seems a majority of Nigerian customer representatives react the same way, so we compiled what we think is their training manual. Take a look.
1. What is common sense?
Never apply logical reasoning to easy matters. When you should make on-the-spot decisions, make sure you consult the company CEO and handbook first to confirm what to do.
2. Always be angry
Never forget you are the incredible hulk. Always be angry, use terms like “I’m not in my best mood now”, “You are testing my patience”.
3. Always ask for bribes
Never forget; Your reward is not in heaven, it is here on earth and you must ask for it.
4. Always waste time
Take your time always. You are the last resort of the customer enjoy and prolong the attention as much as you want. Never do things as soon as you can.
5. No matter what, perfect your gaming skills
Its just the rules, no matter the length of the line, or the screams, remember if you have not finished your Spider Solitaire game you might just die. Remember to blame it on the network.
6. Always understand “urgent” means “do it next week”
What is an ‘urgent’? That word does not appear in your dictionary. It took a president over three months to present a ministerial list, who are you to do things quickly even if it’s a matter of life and death?
7. The customer is never king
Forget about what people think or the cliches. Never treat the customer specially. In fact, try to throw subtle jabs at the customer. All the other customers that don’t have problems do they have two heads?
8. Delete “thank you” from your dictionary
Thank you? What is that? Never appreciate the customer after-all it was you who solved his/her problem.
9. Don’t ever stress yourself
Your life, your sweat, your energy should be reserved. Nobody is worth the stress. If the product you bought is bad go and buy another one or go meet the owner of the company. But if you are “dropping something” you can be helped quickly.
10. Your break is more important than anybody
Long line? Angry customers? Urgent situations? Make sure at 1:00 PM you take your break no matter what. IF you don’t eat your lunch it will waste. Even Jesus slept during a storm. Always take your break.
We talked about the Korean actors that made us love Korean dramas. Now, these are the Korean actresses that got us addicted to watching K-Dramas on the regular:
Kang So Ra made her acting debut in the 2009 horror movie 4th Period Mystery. She is popular for her character in the series Dream High 2 (2012), Ugly Alert(2013), medical drama Doctor Stranger (2014), workplace dramedy Misaeng (2014), and romantic comedy Warm and Cozy (2015).
15. Uhm Jung-hwa
Uhm Jung Hwa is considered to be one of the most influential women in the Korean entertainment industry. Many Korean female artists recognize her as a role model. She is popular for her character in the movies Seducing Mr Perfect and Venus Talk and series Witch’s Romance (2014) and He Who Can’t Marry (2007).
Han Hyo Joo is best known for her leading roles in the television dramas, Brilliant Legacy (2009) and Dong Yi (2010), as well as the film Cold Eyes (2013).
12. Bae Suzy
Bae Suzy was born October 10, 1994 and is best known for her roles as Go Hye-mi in Dream High, Jang Ma-ri in Big and Dam Yeo-wool in Gu Family Book. She is a member of the girl group miss A.
Moon Geun began modeling at the age of 10, then made her acting debut in 1999 as a child actress. She first rose to stardom through her role as the young Eun-suh in the hugely popular television drama series Autumn in My Heart (2000), followed by a well-received turn in Kim Jee-woon‘s critically acclaimed horror film A Tale of Two Sisters (2003).
9. Yoon Eun-hye
Yoon Eun Hye first came to the limelight in 1999 with the popular K-pop girl group Baby V.O.X. Born on October 3, 1984, this talented 30-year-old has starred in many television dramas Princess Hour (2006), First Shop of the Coffee Prince (2007) , Lie to Me (2011), Missing You (2012), and Marry Him If You Dare (2013).
She made her debut in the entertainment industry as a k-pop dancer. Thereafter, she decided to undergo formal training in acting and singing. Fast forward to 2015, Park Shin-hye has enjoyed a successful music and acting career. She has had lead roles in television dramas such as: You’re Beautiful (2009), Heartstrings (2011), Flower Boys Next Door (2013), The Heirs (2013) and Pinocchio (2015).
Jun Ji-Hyun is best known for her character in romantic comedy My Sassy Girl (2001) as ‘The Girl’ and My Love From Another Star (2013). Her successful big screen releases include films include The Thieves and The Assasination. She’s one of the highest paid actresses in South Korea.
Featured image via Dramafever.
Nigerians can be found everywhere in the world, this is not surprising. Leaving the shores of the country and meeting other Nigerians can be fun at times. But in some situations it can also be a chore or a huge bore-fest. Here are a few situations.
1. Meeting a random Nigerian and they believe they are related to you somehow
Don’t push it, please… Allow it… Let it slide… No we are not.
2. “So what did you bring from Nigeria for us?”
Did you tell me to bring anything?
3. When they keep reminding you about how long they have been away from home
Ah okay oh we’ve heard you Mr. long-term resident.
4. “I really miss home, tell me what it’s like now”
You don’t read the news? Are you being serious now?
5. When they say they are from a certain state abroad
Yes oh, I know you are “from Houston, Texas”. I meant where in Nigeria are you from.
6. “I’m British/American my parents are the Nigerians”
Are you serious? Tell me more about that, briefly explain that concept to me.
7. “You need to teach me how to improve my native tongue”
Oh because I am the expert and that’s what I came here for. Yeah getting you.
8. When they say “Nigeria needs people like me”
Okay then, Mr Superhero Savior come back and help us now.
9. And then “I don’t think I can cope in Nigeria anymore”
Not today Satan not today.
11. When you are leaving and they want you to deliver a whole store to their family
In light of the new Forex restrictions and the depressing state of our currency, it’s only expected that we do the most Nigerian thing we can: at least try to find some humor in it.
So here are 15 tweets about the Naira that are guaranteed to make you laugh.
1. The tweet about one head being better than two.
