Inside Life | Page 115 of 126

See, these pictures will tell you two things. One, not all famous people were as adorable and hot as they are now – no one is. And two, hard work pays.
Look at them:

Yemi Alade

Is that..? No. It was World Costume Day in the Geography Department at the University of Lagos.

Davido

Look at those chubby cheeks!

Don Jazzy

We’re totally digging the pose.

Skales

Wizkid in the background. Back in the days.

Dr Sid

He doesn’t look all that different.

Seyi Shay

Still cute.

Basketmouth and Tuface Idibia

Not that different, either.

Tunde Demuren and Banky W

That hand gesture on Banky. *facepalm*

Richard Mofe Damijo

Totally adorable.

D’Prince

My personal favorite.

Genevieve Nnaji

Is it really a throwback if she’s just as beautiful as now?

MoCheddah

APC! Change!!

Ice Prince

His swagger was so uncool.

Nse Ikpe Etim

Say what you want. She still slayed.

P Square

Personally…

Ramsey Noah

The hotness is strong with this one.

Tunde Ednut and Dbanj

I can’t.

Olamide

Baddo..sneh!

Tiwa Savage

Such a cutie..

Tonto Dikeh

Still can’t.

Wizkid and Tania

Transformation Thursday.

What do you think of these throwback photos?
1. You’ve only been married a minute but everyone is already asking “Where are your kids?”

You stress me out.
2. When your husband that was happy eating shawarma before marriage suddenly wants pounded yam everyday.

Those twitter people have gotten in your head shey?
3. Before marriage you got plenty dates, surprises and presents. After marriage, nothing.

You’ve seen me finish abi?
4. When family members come to visit and before you know it they’ve been around for a week.

Why are you still here?!
5. When that family member that won’t leave starts giving you marital ‘advice’.

Shut the hell up!
6. When everyone assumes that because you’re married you share everything.

Nope. No. Ehn ehn.
7. When you forget your wife’s birthday or wedding anniversary.

This will haunt you for the next one year.
8. When new gadgets come out and your wife is cooking new soups regularly.

Uhhnnn…I know what you’re doing!
9. When outsiders are trying to find something wrong with your marriage.

“We can help settle it if there’s any problem”
10. When you want to watch football but your wife wants to watch Scandal, so you watch Scandal.

Happy wife, happy life.
11. When your single friends are planning to hang out and no one invites you.

Is this life?
12. When people throw “Are you not married?” question at you when you try to do any fun thing.

Ehen? So am I dead?
13. When people try to remind you of your wild past in front of your partner.

Is this one mad?
14. When research and science won’t shut up about your sex life. Today married people have plenty sex.

Yass!
15. Tomorrow, married people don’t have enough sex.

Make up your damn minds!
Nigerian mothers are epic, but Yoruba mothers even more so. We found this thread that Wale Lawal shared a while ago about the various things to expect if your boyfriend or girlfriend has a Yoruba mother. And we’re sure you can relate to some, if not all of them.
1. She has the all seeing eye.

Things to Expect if We're Dating and My Mother is Yoruba:

1) She will know everything. If you're pregnant, she will know before you.
— Wale Lawal (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

2. She’s the best cook in the world. Argue with your ancestors.

2) My mother cannot cook but she can cook better than you. Yes, I know you’re a certified gourmet chef. My mother gave you the certificate.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
3. Your family’s social status will be in question.

3) “Who is her father?” is what will come immediately after I mention your name. You might be right there, standing beside me even.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
4. The wedding has nothing to do with both of you and everything to do with only her.

4) Rookie mistake babe. It’s not our wedding. If we’re both Yoruba, it’s our mothers’ wedding. Bride and Bride. Fathers not involved.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
5. For her, prayer is the major master key to everything.

5) Aspiring Yoruba Mothers, the job is not easy. Prayer is next to breathing. Prayer is punctuation. The moment you feel it, pray.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
6. She knows how to give the epic side eye.

6) Aspiring Yoruba Mothers, to qualify for your degree, you must take the compulsory course YM112: The Side Eye as Disciplinary Action.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
7. And it’s useful for situations such as this.

7) The Side Eye will come in handy when your son/daughter brings home a useless woman/useless man.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
8. She asks the right questions.

8) Yoruba Mothers know how to ask the right questions.
“Yes, he dropped out of school but Mummy, I love him.” “What is love?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
9. She believes that your bae wants to kill her.

9) To be a Yoruba Mother is to be sure that your children, who love you, whom you love deeply, are trying their best to kill you.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
10. And she will remind bae that he or she can’t kill her.

10) Aspiring Yoruba Mothers, when Kehinde bruises himself, or brings home a rada-rada girl, you must remind him that he can’t kill you.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
11. She will let you know that money is important.

11) “But Mummy it’s not about the size of the ring, I love him.”
“This shoelace is a ring?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
12. You can even be a Yoruba mother.

12) A Yoruba Mother is also a state of mind. When you forgot the Cosine Rule in that Maths exam and prayed on your pen: Yoruba Mother.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
13. Cane solves all childish behaviour.

13) A Yoruba Mother brings a cane to school whenever it’s Open Day or Report Card Day, because that’s what her Yoruba child needs!
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
14. And she will find anything around that will work as a whip.

14) If she forgot her cane at home, a Yoruba Mother is not proud. She will ask if she can break a branch off a nearby tree in the school.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
15. Nothing stops her from dealing with a naughty child – anywhere.

15) “I’m not embarrassing my son in front of his friends. I’m saving him. Those are not friends, they are a useless foolish bad gang.”- YM.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
16. She says it as it is.

16) A Yoruba Mother is probably your only source of truth.
“Jumoke, do you have any friends? You are getting fat and ugly.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
17. She will snitch on you, then console you later.

17) One time my Yoruba Mother reported me to my dad. I got caned. Later, she hugged me and told me I deserved it for being a bad boy.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
18. You must be overqualified to be able to date her child.

18) You may not have standards, but your Yoruba Mother needs to see a CV, reference letter and transcript before that man can date you.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
19. If she takes off her gele, you’re finished.

19) Do. Not. Let. A. Yoruba. Mother. Take off. Her. Gele. Because. Of. You. Please.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
20. She doesn’t settle disputes.

20) If Timi and Jide are fighting and Timi reports Jide to you, your responsibility as a Yoruba Mother is to see them fight to the finish.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
21. She’s good for confiding in.

21) A Yoruba Mother is a natural confidant.
“Mummy, I think Tunde is cheating on me.” “Why won’t he cheat when all you do is eat?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
22. She’s a good listener.

22) A Yoruba Mother listens.
“Mummy can I have -“ “Shut up, there is rice at home.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
23. She knows how to gist.

23) Yoruba Mothers have THE BEST gist (gossip). Please, aspiring Yoruba Mothers, you have to know how to gist. Not everyday twitter-fight.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
24. Let her not hear your complaints.

24) I don’t think Yoruba Mothers are petty but if you complain about the salt in the jollof rice, please be prepared to cook for yourself.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
25. She’s always right.

25) A Yoruba Mother is always right.
“Mummy, there are 8 planets in our solar system now, not 9.” “Upon all you came in last last term?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
26. Do not try to surprise her.

26) A Yoruba Mother does not like surprises.
“Mummy, we’re planning a destination wedding!” “And you’re just telling me? There is Skype.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
27. She can throw shade.

27) Can’t really say a Yoruba Mother revels in I-told-you-sos.
“Mummy, you were right, he was a fraud.” “Good for you. Good and sweet.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
28. Her bargain skills are out of this world.

28) A Yoruba Mother is conscious of the nation’s economy.
“Mummy, the cake is N250,000.” “Ok, we’ll pay N50,000 because of the economy.” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
29. Her holy grail is Africa Magic.

29) A Yoruba Mother and the DSTV channel AfMag Yoruba are two peas in a pod. I dare you to change the channel. Just try it.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014
30. She can order anybody around, whether they’re her child or not.

30 continued) And the YM may not even be your mother. She may just spot you in the airport and decide you must help with her luggage.
— WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014 [zkk_poll post=22849 poll=content_block_standard_format_31]
1. When you arrive at the airport and the cold hits you. You run back and pack on jackets like Osuofia.

Osuofia in London. Who sent me message o?
2. When you get up to ask a question in class and your lecturer says he/she doesn’t understand your accent.

My friend will you get serious? Me sef don’t understand your own accent. Better adjust.
3. When that ignorant classmate asks if you have cars and houses in Africa.

Na me find trouble come your country.
4. When someone invites you to a house party and asks you to bring your own drinks.

I should bring my own drinks? What’s this one saying?
5. When you are invited for a birthday meal and the bill arrives and everyone is expected to pay for what they ‘consumed’.

Ehn? Is that how you people used to do here?
6. When you call your friends & relatives back home and they start asking you to buy their club jersey and send to them.

If to say I no call now, will you be asking all this?
7. When your girlfriend back home says she is losing patience and wants to start seeing someone else.

God please touch her heart.
8. When Masters comes to an end, no Oyibo wife, no accent, nothing but certificate to show.

Why me Lord? Those with small accent get two heads?
9. When the Masters programme ends and people start calling to ask when you are coming home.

10. When you return home and your mum or the cook still wants to dish out food with only one piece of meat to you.

Written by Zikoko Contributor ruud_bishop
1. Whenever you see bus 5 coming.

EVERYBODY SCATTER!!!
2. When you hear “Caution! Caution!! Caution!!!”

Hay God! It’s all over.
3. When they start an announcement with “good news!”

You already know you don’t care.
4. One hour after they call Prof. Aize Obayan to “round up”:

It’s not over?
5. The doctor, when you go to health center with a broken leg:

Na wa for you.
6. This difficult choice:

Just let your pocket decide.
7. When they are denying exeats up and down but they approve your own.

God is good.
8. How you know exam time has reached:

You people should go to your halls, abeg.
9. When a non-student starts saying “I heard they don’t let you guys…”

Oya say nonsense.
10. When Mario catches you ‘pairing’ at night.

Ezz not wat it looks like, sir.
11. That time Pastor Ntia gingered everybody:

That time Pastor Ntia hyped everyone. First class, pack your blessings, everything. Results came out, everyone like pic.twitter.com/fhsHIkYZef
— Saint Mari (@teslimalabi_) January 23, 2014

12. Whenever they say they want to do head count.

Is this really necessary?
13. You at every single public lecture:

Why are we even here?
14. When someone blocks you in front of your hall with “excuse me! Please, can you help me call…”

Better leave my front.
15. “In a short while, we shall be rising up to pray.”

Didn’t we just finish praying?
16. You, the first time you stabbed chapel service:

Is this how I will go home?
17. When you go to the buttery and all they have is Hebron drink.

What is this life?
Sometimes you wonder “how do people know when a Nigerian is a JJC or Fresh Off the Boat” (term to denote someone who just freshly arrived in a foreign country)? Here are some of the things they noticed.
1. When you change your location on social media

This is when you’re trying so hard to let people know location has changed, mans has stepped up.
2. When you start loading the accent from the airport

In your mind you can’t have people thinking you’re new here. And trying to let everyone understand you.
3. When you start taking photos at any random mall or store

No more Shoprite or Palms. We now know you go to Macy’s and Selfridges now. To snap pictures though.
4. When you start complaining “Is there anything that they don’t put tax on?”

When you realize there is tax on ordinary chewing gum. Smh I miss traffic hawkers.
5. Always asking everybody “What is the exchange rate today?”

When you are trying to control expenses based off the currency you are used to. Acting like you don’t have google to check yourself.
6. And the only question on your mind all day “Where can I find Jollof rice please?”

Two weeks and four days after you are tired of eating cheeseburgers and sandwiches. Your daily cry for help.
7. Asking everyone “Is there any African store around here?”

Then you decide to take matters into your hands and hunt for food. Don’t worry you won’t die.
8. When you suddenly become very humble

Chairman you’re enjoying oh. Response: Na God oh, He will do your own too.
9. When you try to dress like everyone around you then overdo it

Don’t do it. Stop.
10. Always converting your rent and expenses to Naira

“this is money for one plot of land in Ogun State”. Okay, minister for naira conversion don’t be angry.
11. Then you keep reminding everyone “Nigeria has a long way to go”

When you finally start realizing the awesome of the overseas… Stop. We know.
The vice president of Nigeria, Yemi Osinbajo turns 59 today. A Senior Advocate of Nigeria and Professor of Law, he was born on March 8, 1957.
As the saying goes, behind every successful man, is a woman. As cliché as it sounds, this adage more than applies here. We’re here to talk about how the second, most prominent couple in politics keeps inspiring us.
1. Prof Yemi Osinbajo is married to Oladolapo Osinbajo, the grand daughter of Obafemi Awolowo.

Her mother is Otunba Olubusola Soyode, one of the children of Awolowo, who was one of the founding fathers of Nigeria.
2. Obafemi Awolowo had given the couple his blessings to get married 15 years before they actually did.

In an interview with The Sun newspaper, the vice president’s younger brother Akin Osinbajo said: “Papa stood up and faced our parents and said one of the boys should marry one of his girls (that’s granddaughters) And Mama said that can’t happen. But Papa said in Israel cousins do marry. That was about 15 years before they actually married. By the time they were marrying Papa had passed on. When the two of them came to say they want to marry later and the family said they could not marry because they are blood relations, Mama said Awolowo said they should not stop them from marrying, that Papa had said it while he was alive that they would marry.”
3. They’ve been married for 26 years.

The couple got married on November 25, 1989 and they’re still going strong!
4. They have 3 beautiful children.

Their names are Kiki, Kanyinsola and Fiyinfoluwa.
5. They hold pastoral positions in their church.

Prof. Yemi Osinbajo is the pastor-in-charge of theRedeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Lagos Province 48, and his wife Dolapo Osinbajo, the leader of the Ladies Fellowship of the same church.
6. They’re not shy about showing a little public display of affection every now and then.

Aww… Couple goals.
7. In 2007, Prof. Osinbajo and his wife founded The Orderly Society Trust, a non- governmental organization that is dedicated to the promotion of Christian ethics and orderliness.

The trust is in honour of the memories of Isaac Opeolu Osinbajo (1919 – 1996) and Oluwatoyin Osinbajo (1962 – 2006). Its aim is to disseminate ethics of integrity, patriotism, respect for civic obligation and etiquette.
Happy birthday vice president!
1. When you finally enter SS1 and can change uniform and punish juniors.

TURN UP!!!
2. When you become a senior and they suddenly say you cannot punish juniors again.

After all I suffered? NEVER!
3. When you send a junior and he says “no.”

Am I dreaming?
4. When a prefect that is your mate tries to punish you.

Is your uncle mad?
5. When you ask a junior for provisions and they say they haven’t opened it yet.

Are you confused?
6. When you see someone punishing your school child.

Better respect yourself.
7. When you send a junior and you hear them grumbling.

What did you say?
8. When you punish a junior and you see them heading to the staff room.

Ah! I don enter am.
9. When that rude junior you and your guys have been timing enters senior block.

It’s all over.
10. When a junior starts an excuse with “my mummy said…”

Just shut up, abeg.
11. When you send a junior and they say someone already sent them.

How does that one concern me?
12. When a junior tries to fight with someone in your class.

You’re not even afraid?
13. When you beat a junior and they come to school with their parents.

Ahahn! That small beating.
14. When you see your school child carrying provisions on visiting day.

God is really good.
15. When a junior enters your class.

See dead man walking.
Unofficial studies taken from Twitter rants suggest that men would absolutely refuse to marry women who are unable to pound yam. Another informal study shows that the ability of a woman to pound yam is critical to her desirability and the stability of a marriage.

1. Oprah Winfrey

The billionaire mogul has built a reputation by coming from nothing to becoming one of the most powerful media voices in the world. Pity she doesn’t have a reputation for yam pounding.

2. Kerry Washington

The award-winning star of the hit show Scandal, is happily married to Nigerian-born American football star. Unfortunately, this has not translated to skill in yam pounding. Can you imagine that? Marrying a Nigerian man and not pounding yam. Ridiculous!

3. Michelle Obama

You might be deceived by her toned arms but the First Lady of the United States is, unfortunately, not a yam pounder. Those arms are from gyming and trying to keep fit and not from domestic chores like God intended.

4. Viola Davis

The Emmy-winning actress is known for her groundbreaking roles in movies like The Help and is now the star of her own show – How to Get Away with Murder. She also seems to have gotten away with not knowing how to pound yam.

5. Shonda Rhimes

Single mother of 3 girls, award-winning show runner & creator of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and more. She spends all her time killing our favorite characters and she has managed to lose over 53kg this year! Maybe because she didn’t spend time eating and making pounded yam. Shame.

6. Beyonce Knowles

Beyonce. Super star, business mogul, power icon, wife and mother. But not a yam pounder. Sad.

7. Ursula Burns

One of the few black women heading a Fortune 500 Company, the CEO of Xerox has years of corporate experience but none pounding yam.

8. Angela Merkel

Rated “the most powerful woman in the world” by most major publications, she is unable to exert any power in converting boiled yam to a sweet, sweet paste.

9. Melinda Gates

Co-founder of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation; this powerful philanthropist was once spotted carrying a bucket of water on her head to showcase the suffering of African women. Perhaps we should convince her to pound yam for the same effect.

10. Indira Nooyi

Ms Nooyi is the first CEO of global powerhouse – PepsiCo. Well-educated and multi-talented, she sadly did not pick up yam pounding as a skill.

11. Zhang Xin

7th richest self-made woman, Zhang Xin is known as “the woman who built Beijing” because of her many real estate developments with her company Soho China. Zhang grew up in poverty and spent 5 years working in a factory to save for her education but she did not find time to pound yam.

12. Loretta Lynch

The Attorney-General of the United States was hand-picked by Barack Obama. She has led the prosecution of FIFA officials which led to the downfall of Sepp Blatter. Her considerable talents are however missing in the field of yam pounding.

13. Serena Williams

21 Grand Slams Wins, Yes. 13 Women’s doubles Tournament wins, Yes. 2 Tennis Mixed Doubles Wins, Yes. Nike, Gatorade, Delta Airlines, Audemars Piguet, Aston Martin, Pepsi, Beats by Dre headphones, Mission Athletecare, Berlei bras, OPI Products, OnePiece and Chase Bank endorsements, Yes.

Pounding Yam, NO!

It seems that these women have been able to make a success of their lives without being able to pound yam. I might be wrong, but maybe we should stop making pounded yam such a big deal and encourage more women to contribute to our economy.You know, or just generally stop using domestication as a yardstick for femininity.

After all, if we need pounded yam, we could always buy this beautiful Yam Pounder from Konga.

But hey, I might be wrong.

Don’t forget to share this with one of your pounded yam-loving friends.
Africa hasn’t really invested in science and it shows. Scientists tend to solve problems they know have wide applications in their environments. Because of that, many problems peculiar to Africa have remained unsolved for decades… But imagine if a scientist like Einstein was African, he might work on a whole different set of problems like…
1. An early warning system for when your mum is about to slap you

A way of calculating atmospheric pressure around your mum’s hands and letting you know when it changes so that you know to duck.
2. A ‘love’ potion for African parents

Because African parents will never willingly say I’m sorry OR I love you.
3. A body odour neutraliser

Since everyone has refused to wear deodorant in this heat, we’d have a substance that neutralizes the poisonous body odour from others. Billions of African noses will be saved!
4. A ‘Kini’ translator (mind reading device)

Your Nigerian mother is convinced that you understand what “Bring me my kini” means. Because as far as she is concerned, she gave birth to a mind reader. This device will decode all your mother’s mannerisms to save your African ass from a beating.
5. A Yoruba boy warning system

Since Yoruba boys don’t actually have to be Yoruba boys. You gats be prepared!
6. An African accent identifier

Actor in Hollywood movie speaking in generic African accent: “My name is Babatunde Johnson.” African accent identifier: “This is NOT a Nigerian accent, I repeat, this is NOT a Nigerian accent. Replace actor immediately. Suggestion – David Oyelowo.”
7. Self-cleaning weaves

Because… haba..
8. ‘Two heads’ to help you pass in school

Dad: “Jolade that came first, does she have two heads?” You: *Heads to Jumia.com to order an extra head ?*
9. Air conditioners that run on ‘I beta pass my neighbour’

Because this heat is demonic..
10. A 24-hour monitoring system for parents and girlfriends

Complete with a voice that says “remember the son of whom you are” everywhere you go.
11. An Oyinbo food Africanizer

For all those times you’re craving real pepper but you’re stuck with the 10th sandwich this week.
12. A makeup face printer

Instead of spending 1 hour to get a beat face, just use this machine to print your make up sharp sharp! Copy and paste.
13. Kenyan running gene transplant

Because Kenyans outrun everybody and other Africans will appreciate getting the Kenyan running gene transplant. Simple.
14. Petrol-to-your-door delivery service

Order online. Delivery within 24 hours depending on distance. Because somebody cannot come and die from queueing in this hot sun abeg!

15. Actual special effects for Nollywood action scenes

https://twitter.com/SemilooreAkoni/status/676863518419890176
Hay God! We can’t continue like this. Look at how they destroyed the Ghanian folktale, Anansi The Spider!?
16. An allergen that makes African presidents allergic to overstaying their term

Because African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death or allergy… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc
Now imagine a world where the next Einstein is African

Africa is transforming. Touch screen cardio pads that connect rural citizens to important care. Urine tests that detect malaria. Rapid diagnostic tests that detect Ebola. mPesa and other digital financial platforms that facilitate financial inclusion. Major solar energy projects in Morocco and Rwanda. The light rail in Ethiopia. The Square Kilometre Array, arguably set to be the world’s biggest telescope, in South Africa. Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation. We’re looking for 1 million signatures. Pledge your signature.
1. You know that you will not meet light at home after a long day at work.

It’s such a bloody stretch.
2. And it’s so hot that you’re convinced that someone left the gates of hell open.

Like we are not suffering enough already.
3. When you’re a woman in Nigeria, everyone assumes that they can tell you what to do.

You cannot even drive in peace without a ring on your finger.
4. And blame you for being raped or kidnapped. It was how you were dressed and where you were walking.

Victim blaming is the new norm.
5. Nigeria imports everything but our exchange rate is nonsense and our salaries are even worse, so we can’t can’t buy anything anyway.

Please, help us.
6. The exchange rate is bloody, but your President’s response is “Well…”

“Those who can still afford it can afford it.”
7. Why should the President care? He hasn’t even spent a full three months in the country.

Bye!
8. Nigerians collectively can not come early. We even have a name for it – Nigerian time.

Fix your lives!
9. If you live in Lagos, half of your entire life is spent in traffic.

You’ve become one with the distance.
10. All customer service agents think they’re above doing their jobs – especially the ones in banks.

As if it’s not my money.
11. Nigerian politicians don’t even respect us enough anymore to tell intelligent lies.

They won’t even invent believable excuses.
12. People are stealing money yet everybody else is broke.. someone had $1 million in his soak-away!

In his soak-away!!!
13. The landlords want you to pay 2 years rent upfront. Like if you had that money you wouldn’t have built your own house.

Mscheww!
14. When you put something on your social media account and the entire Nigeria descends on you.

It does take a village. *rolls eyes*
15. NNPC only gets fuel to keep the country ‘wet’ for 2 weeks out of every month.

What in the entire hell?!
16. When you get credit alert and it is quickly followed by Stamp Duty charge or the ‘100 naira monthly fee + VAT’ charge from the bank.

It’s the stupidest policy in the world.
17. As an unemployed person, your biggest problem is work experience. Where will you get it from without a job?

But no one wants to listen.
18. Those waiters that will wait till you finish your food to let you know that POS is not working.

HAY GOD!
19. What are students supposed to eat now in school…other than indomie, now that Lassa fever won’t let you drink garri?

I don’t know too.
Kelechi Anyikude, a Nigerian who is really passionate about his favorite football team, Arsenal FC.

Besides trolling other football teams and being a regular on ArsenalFanTV, Kelechi is also studying for his Ph.D at University of Leeds as an Energy & Environment Researcher.
Not letting his love for Arsenal come between his beloved motherland Nigeria, Kelechi goes to watch his favourite team wearing clothes with an African touch most of the time.

https://www.instagram.com/p/s4thKSmGI3/?taken-by=em_by

Here are 10 times he flaunted his Nigerian-ness on ArsenalFanTv:

1. When he knelt and prayed for the deliverance of Arsenal FC.

2. When his reaction after an Arsenal win was too lit.

3. When he mercilessly trolled Chelsea FC and Diego Costa.

4. Whn he called Jose Mourinho weak and naive.

5. And a specialist in failure.

6. And was unapologetically Nigerian.

7. He generously offered Arsene Wenger his cheque book to buy better players for the next season.

8. When he gave his own rendition of Olamide’s Melo Melo after Arsenal lost to West Ham.

9. This sad video of him giving up on Arsene Wenger.

10. Arsenal FC will always be his bae sha.
Whenever you see a movie poster with this man on it, just know he will use the line “the elders say”. The Nigerian embodiment of Solomon, we think he should have a book out already. Take a look at these posts by people who want to be him.
1. For you guys that love food more than life.

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/650276800451477505

2. When you’re thinking the elders don’t know about #SeizeTheBae.

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/649087182083391488

3. For those of you waiting for the “perfect moment” listen.

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/651650150545424384

4. Are you trying to toast a babe that has never had a good relationship?

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/646283570785452032

5. When a bus conductor asks a person in a G Wagon “who are you?”

https://twitter.com/peteedochi/status/624645486763446273

6. Did you steal someone’s boyfriend? Or meat from the pot?

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/689566492761915393

7. Sometimes some people are not just your mate.

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/688336844505886720

8. Are you about to start a fight you can’t handle?

What did Pete Edochie say about stones and bullets? A man who doesn't want to receive bullets doesn't throw stones at a man with a gun
— JJ. Omojuwa (@Omojuwa) August 31, 2015

9. Just a quick reminder that sometimes your person can be your enemy.

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/631868583795159040

10. Are you always hungry? Here’s your excuse.

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/564514173749825538

11. If you ever thought the elders aren’t technology savvy.

https://twitter.com/Pete_Edochie/status/622439265348243456

12. Another perfect example of ‘You think you’re doing me, you’re doing yourself.

https://twitter.com/EdochieWisdom/status/173323774798737408

13. And if you were ever wondering who wisdom don epp, this quote will tell you.

I Never have problems with NEPA. My house is powered by the light of wisdom.
— Pete Edochie (@PeteyEdochie) August 7, 2012
Odunlade Adekola is one of the best actors Nollywood can boast of.

And everyone loves him.

https://twitter.com/Abstractflaws/status/705604968573771777

From making us shriek with laughter to his ridiculously hilarious clapbacks, here are 11 reasons Odunlade Adekola is God’s gift to Nollywood:

1. When he dealt with his long throat friend.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdWW85Gwj8o
This is an important life lesson here: Always hold your own money!
2. When he was just badass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoknwN4rZ7E
And transformed into the king of the streets.
3. Who else can clapback like Odunlade? No one!!!

https://twitter.com/Kingwole/status/704401165488951296
Nollywood, what is a fly-whisk please?
4. When you’re waiting for the love of your life and your girlfriend suddenly appears.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCkN2jcmmFJ/
Because nothing should come in the way of love.
5. How to get away with serial cheating.

She caught him cheating and he flipped that shit. What a man! pic.twitter.com/RhJUqWtcPh
— Wole II (@Kingwole) February 22, 2016 Through blame shifting and turning tables, of course.
6. Blessing us with his greatness…

https://twitter.com/Kingwole/status/701866437451915264
Even without saying a word.
7. When he trolled this poor blind beggar.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BAqMi4MGmNq/
LMAO!
8. And he was effortlessly girly here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDPgaIZ4GUY
Seriously, give this guy an Oscar… just kidding!
9. When he threw shade at a female Babalawo without giving one damn.

LOL! He called her “Madam”.
10. When he gave his gateman premium advice.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V29XRV9PuvU
With the straightest face ever.
11. We love him even more because he is quite the charmer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI9cfdJT2g0
He could even steal your girl from you.
Sex is a topic that even in this day and age isn’t so openly discussed in Nigeria; and rape even much less than that.

In an article for Aljazeera, writer and broadcaster Wana Udobang talks about her experience at Lagos’ only support center, the Mirabel Center at Lagos University Teaching Hospital. It’s the only one in a city of about 18 million people and in an ironic twist, it is miniscule, which basically describes how seriously we take rape issues.

CNN

As much girls and women that bravely come forward to report their perpetrator, a lot more choose to keep silent.

Has it ever made you wonder why? Victims don’t report their rape, and it’s for different and personal reason.

Social stigma

We are in a society that often times blames the victims. Responsibilities are placed on women to not get raped, instead of on men –not to rape. In a society where virginity is revered, girls and women who are victims of rape are often times seen as damaged goods.

Self blame

Survivors often don’t open up because they think they did something wrong or didn’t do something right. Quite simply, they blame themselves. They assume there is something they could have done to stop the abuser. They regret what they did or what they did not do.

Disbelief

Some girls that do get the courage to talk are either told they are lying or shunned into keeping quiet about it.

Fear

In the mind of the survivor, there is much to fear. They are afraid of what will happen when they tell, if they’ll be believed, if they’ll I be supported.

Aljazeera

Protection

Some survivors do not tell to protect themselves and their families; it’s especially true with children. Perpetrators often tell them that if they talked, they would kill their loved ones.

Corrupt legal system

The Nigerian legal system is time consuming at best and corrupt at worst. Money will most times exchange hands, and those with power often emerge unscathed.

Life goes on

As Wana said, “For many survivors, the slow judicial process adds to the trauma – they want to be able to move on with their lives rather than having to relive what happened to them over and over again.”

—

Wana wrote about the 5 brave girls that chose to speak about their ordeal. But they still face problems. One of the girls, Halima, was raped by her landlord’s son. Her father, in a bid to keep their accommodation, chose to let the perpetrator go unpunished.

Nike pressed charges, but the police officers gave her home address to the parents of the man who raped her and they are trying to settle the case out of court.

Mary was raped by a choirmaster from her church, her family was excommunicated when she chose not to keep silent.

What can be done?

VanguardNgr

The Mirabel Center is funded by DFID, the UK’s Department for International Development. Funding ends this year and so far the future of the center’s existence doesn’t look so bright. Most companies don’t want to be associated with such cause.

As they saying goes, charity begins at home. We don’t have to wait for them to do something, when we as individuals of privilege can do something about it.

Send your donations to:

Partnership for Justice,
0001462896
Standard Chartered Bank
Ikeja, Lagos

Or

Visit GoFundMe here: SaveMirabel

Let’s save Mirabel.

Featured image: DivaDocSpeaks.
We live in a society that not only blames victims of rape but also tells potential victims, that it is their duty to make sure they are not sexually assaulted.
“What were you wearing?”
“Did you lead him on?”
“You should have know better than to put yourself in that situation.”

Here’s a prime example I found in the comments section of Linda Ikeji’s blog.

Headline:

Two Sisters Raped By A Gang of Six in Lagos

Comments:

They are basically saying “I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to get raped, you wouldn’t have been out by 11pm.”

Just to create some perspective for you guys, here is how ridiculous people who victim-blame sound:

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to be burgled, you wouldn’t have owned any property.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to be murdered, you would have killed yourself before it happened.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to get racially profiled, you wouldn’t have been a person of color.“

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to be kidnapped, you wouldn’t have been born into a rich home.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to be hit by a drunk driver, you wouldn’t have gone out.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want a miscarriage, you wouldn’t have gotten pregnant.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to be a widow, you wouldn’t have gotten married.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to get hit by a stray bullet, you would have left home in a Kevlar vest.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to become an orphan, you would have had immortal parents.”

“I’m sorry, but if you didn’t want to die in a plane crash, you wouldn’t have travelled.”

See how ridiculous it all sounds?

Once we realize that sexual assault can happen to anyone, no matter the time, or what they are wearing, then maybe we can stop wondering what the victim did to ‘deserve it’ and focus on punishing the perpetrator and letting the victim heal.

Images: Giphy
For every aspect of life, there are people who you could consider role models. We don’t have to go far away because we do have people that fit the bill in every aspect right here in Nigeria, in no particular order. Take a look.
1. Aliko Dangote

This man is every Nigerians’ ‘businessman goals’. Worth $16.7 billion as at January, 2016. You can’t help but want to be like him in the business world.
2. Folorunso Alakija

She is the richest woman in Africa worth $1.58 billion according to Forbes, she is the vice chair of Famfa Oil, married with beautiful kids. You can’t help but admire her.
3. Richard Mofe-Damijo

Top Nigerian actor, turned politician, former commissioner in Delta state, and a cynosure of the eyes. He has and had a successful acting career and is greatly admired by a lot!
4. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a Nigerian novelist, nonfiction writer and short story writer. She has been called “the most prominent” of a “procession of critically acclaimed young anglophone authors. Amazing woman!
5. Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde

Your favorite WCW. A successful actress in Nollywood, a singer, and philanthropist she a some point was in every top movie. Featured in over 300. Herself and her family are really goals!
6. Ebuka Obi-Uchendu

A couple of people don’t know, but Ebuka Obi-Uchendu the former Big Brother contestant is an intellectual property lawyer, top choice emcee, TV show host, fashion icon and writer. He has a ton of endorsements also. Recently got married to his beautiful wife. Young man goals!
7. Mosunmola Abudu

Mosunmola Abudu, usually known as Mo Abudu, Moments with Mo founder, TV producer, founder EbonyLife TV, media personality, human resources management consultant, entrepreneur and philanthropist. She has been described by Forbes as “Africa’s Most Successful Woman”. Fam!
8. Noble Igwe

Noble Igwe is the founder and Chief Executive Officer of 360 Group. Style and fashion icon. He transformed his hobby into a money spinning business. Who wouldn’t want to do that.
9. Agbani Darego

Agbani Darego, MFR (she also has a title guys) is a Nigerian model and beauty queen, psychology graduate from a top American university, also best known as the first native Sub-Saharan African to win Miss World. She set the record and is the ‘model’ for models truly.
10. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala

Top Nigerian economist, known for a number of accolades from the World Bank, to being the minister of finance for Nigeria and helping to reduce the nation’s debt margin considerably, so sure goes down in history as having a huge impact.
11. Toyin Sofekun-Bello

Also known simply as TY Bello, the land is green an amazing journalist, singer, and top photographer she has made a name for herself right from her days in the group KUSH and most recently the discovery of Olajumoke.
12. Bukola Elemide

Paris born Nigerian singer, Bukola Elemide also known as Asa is one of the top songwriters, singers and performing artists to come out of Nigeria. She took the music scene with a different and unique style and continues to put her best foot forward in all her work.
13. Philip Emeagwali

Philip Emeagwali is a Nigerian inventor and scientist. He won the 1989 Gordon Bell Prize for price-performance in high-performance computing applications, in an oil reservoir modeling calculation using a novel mathematical formulation and implementation. Big man. Brilliance levels 100.
14. Hajia Bola Shagaya

One of the few top ten richest women in Africa, she built an empire from her days in the Central Bank, introducing the Konica brand to Nigeria and now one of the largest distributors of base oil in Nigeria. She also is involved in the fashion industry and also a polo enthusiast. All rounder.
15. Babatunde Raji Fashola

BRF! A household name in Nigeria, the former Governor and transformer of Lagos state, he is now the Minister of Power, Works and Housing. Huge portfolio. Known for his eloquence in speeches he is a huge role model and an influence to a ton of Nigerians.
If any of these are still fresh in your mind, I hate to break it to you, but you’re old.

1. How do you feel knowing Gold Spot was discontinued 15 years ago?

2. Or that Agbani Darego was crowned Miss World 14 years ago?

3. How about the fact that Tuface released ‘African Queen’ 11 years ago?

4. I’m sure you remember the Super Story with Toyin Tomato. Well, that aired 14 years ago.

5. It’s been 19 years since Karishika scared the hell out of all of us, feeling old yet?

6. Mimee noodles’ super popular ‘Boom Sha Sha’ advert came out 9 years ago.

7. Can you believe that Styl Plus released Olufunmi nearly 10 years ago?

https://youtu.be/ZTo0sFCPbRU

8. Or the fact that Tales by Moonlight last aired about 15 years ago?

9. How do you feel knowing that The KKB Show premiered 11 years ago?

10. Or that Ugo C. Ugo now looks like this?

11. What about the fact that Osuofia in London was released 12 years ago?

12. MTN launched their GSM mobile service in Nigeria 14 years ago, still not feeling old?

13. It’s been almost 10 years since D’banj released ‘Why Me?’

14. Remember that little cutie from the hit tv show Dear Mother? Well, she isn’t so little anymore.

15. Did you know that it’s been 13 years since Eedris Abdulkareem’s Mr Lecturer was released?

Now, don’t forget to share with your friends and followers, to make someone else feel old.
Attending church with your parents can give various reactions from being sad to happy to being overly frustrated sometimes. Growing up we all had that time when we had to go to vigils with our parents and these are a few things that may have happened or maybe still happen.

1. When your parents tell you there is a church service that “evening”

So which one is it today?
2. And it starts at 10:00 PM

Oh God why?
3. And they say “go and sleep now so you can be rested”

But it is just 2 PM ma.
4. But your body has other plans

Why is this sleep not coming?
5. When you look at your watch and it is almost 9:30 PM

But do we have to really pray all night long?
6. And you are trying to give a flimsy excuse

“My back is paining me”. “I think i have a sore throat and my kidney is about to fail”.
7. But your parent is not having any of them

Meet me at the car in two seconds.
8. The long speech on the way to the program about what it is about

This must be the first part of the sermon.
9. When the testimonies and admonitions are getting too long

*nods in agreement to the testimonies*
10. And your parents catch you dozing and sleeping and give you the death stare

Ahan someone cannot nod his head in peace again?
11. So you have to stay awake or pretend to by all means possible

This is not an easy job.
12. Having an eye to eye contact with your parent when you should be closing your eyes for prayer

Its a mistake i was praying in the spirit.
13. Six hours later and the pastor is about to start his “short sermon”

Please what have we been doing?
14. And there are still four things on the program of events

What is really going on here?
15. When you hear “In conclusion” and all traces of sleep evaporate

What is a sleep?
16. And it is time to head back home

FINALLY! ITS LITT!
Disclaimer: Although you might find a few references to the law, these rules are propositions from the desk of a concerned human rights lawyer who is tired of the reported abuses faced by houseboys and house girls in Abuja.
For the purpose of consistency, I will be using the term “house girl”. But the expression shall also apply to Houseboys, nannies, maids, helps, cleaners, etc.
1. House girls and their madam or oga are EQUAL under the law.

2. Section 34 of the Nigerian Constitution provides for the right to the dignity of the human person. House girls deserve their right to dignity. Under no circumstance should they be used as slaves or compelled to forced labour. All work must be remunerated adequately.

3. Once she is above 18, under no circumstances should you beat or maltreat her. If words cannot do it, it’s not by force, you can get another house girl but beating her or flogging her with cane or subjecting her to any form of degrading treatment is unlawful.

4. You will not die if you greet her first.

5. Don’t shout at her and if you have to, don’t do it in front of strangers, kids, and neighbours or to the hearing of the whole world.

6. She is allowed to join Facebook, Twitter and even LinkedIn.

7. She is allowed to look for a better madam even under your employ. You cannot ban or frustrate her from seeking better employment.

8. She can ask for a raise and she should not be punished or told her life story because she asked.

9. As far as she has attained 18 years of age, she can wear what she likes as long as it is clean, comfortable and suitable.

10. Under no circumstance should your barb her hair without her consent.

11. She is employed to you and not your friends or children. Under no circumstance will you send her over to your friends house for a working spree or allow your children make her to do their basic duties.

12. Don’t tell her to carry load that you yourself cannot carry.

13. When her work is complete she is allowed to watch television.

14. If she is 18 and above, she is allowed to have a boyfriend and she doesn’t need you to help her select which one is suitable for her.

15. Once in a while, ask her how’s she’s doing, ask about her family, and ask her what it would take to make her job better/or easier. Are there any concerns she will like to share? Open up discussions with her at least once a week.

16. Send her recharge card if you can, tip her when she does something very good. You mustn’t collect every change from her when she returns from the market.

17. Let her eat whatever you’re eating. You cannot cook Christmas rice and chicken and you ask her to boil water for eba for herself.

18. She can use make-up abeg.

19. If your husband does anything with her, it’s your husband you should face and not her, except she raped him.

20. If she’s a Muslim, let her observe her daily Salat. If she’s a Christian, allow her to go to church, even if it is not the same church as yours. If she’s of a different religion, don’t try to convert her by force. Did she ask you? (Section 38 of the Constitution provides for the Freedom of Religion).

21. Don’t try to match make her with your friend’s houseboy.

22. What are her long-term dreams/goals? Inspire her to achieve them.

23. She is allowed to have friends and they are allowed to gossip (Section 39 of the Constitution provides for Freedom of Expression).

24. Send her to the salon once in a while. Send her to a spa once in a year.

25. She is never too old to go to school. Enrol her (there are even evening schools now).

26. If she says she’s not feeling fine, she really is not feeling fine. Don’t buy her paracetamol and ask her to continue working. If she needs to go to the hospital, take her there and don’t just dump her there, stay with her.

27. She is allowed to buy things with her money. Don’t punish her if she decides to buy things of luxury like shortbread biscuits or Maltina. You, buy your own.

28. Teach her how to greet, how to sit, how to welcome strangers, deliver parcels and how to exit the house in case of emergency. Teach her how to quench a fire, describe the road to the nearest police station to her. Help her cram your number and show her where the first aid kit is kept.

29. You can’t be rubbing cream and ask her to rub pomade. Under no circumstance should she baff with detergent or wear air freshener as cologne.

30. In a year, she is entitled to at least a month’s leave. You can divide it into two weeks off, twice in a year.

31. For every 4 times your kids go abroad, she deserves one. Make sure she has a passport and renew it as time goes on.

32. Don’t ban her from speaking her language.

33. Don’t search her things unnecessarily and without her consent.

34. If there’s any issue between her and another person (even if it’s your children or relative) please she is not at fault automatically. Hear her out as well. In law we call it Audi Alteram Partem (hear both sides). Remember Section 35 of the Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria Provides for the Right to Fair Hearing.

35. Under no circumstance should she be discriminated on grounds of tribe, religion, sexual orientation, age, language or gender. (Section 42 of the constitution provides for Freedom from Discrimination). If she’s an albino, provide her with sunscreen, hats and umbrellas and don’t send her long message in the sun.

36. Don’t go through her text messages and don’t pick her calls except she can pick yours and read yours too.

37. She is entitled to at least 6 hours of sleep daily. If you keep her working till late night, please compensate her by allowing her a few hours of morning sleep. Also, you cannot enter cab and ask her to trek.

38. Open a bank account for her and teach her how to use an ATM machine. Encourage her to save money.

39. Don’t ask her for sex, she might give in to the pressure, not because she likes you but because you are their oga. Respect yourself and don’t complicate your employment agreement with her or with her madam.

40. Tell her a list of do’s and don’ts at the beginning of the employment. Key words are “beginning of the employment”. It is not when she does something that you will tell her that she has faulted your rules and then you will now punish her.

41. Know her family/guardian and report to them constantly. Call and visit at least once in 6 months.

42. Pay her salary complete and pay it promptly. If you will delay in payment, tell her on time, if money is not complete, ask her if she’s okay with it. You can ask her to understand with you if you have challenges. “Please”, “Sorry” and “Thank you” are not abominations to her.

Thank you for taking time to go through these rules.
Featured image via Nelisphota.
If you weren’t whipped with a cane (and eba stick) or gotten slapped unexpectedly, you probably didn’t grow up in a Nigerian home. Here are 21 things you could get beaten for as a child in a Nigerian home.
1. Not greeting the visitors in your house.

Where is your home training?
2. Staring at the food served for the visitors for more than 3 seconds.

Only cane can cure your long throat.
3. Walking around without any particular aim.

Somebody can’t even take small stroll again.
4. Talking back at an elder.

Talk back, get slapped.
5. Asking for too much food.

Because you must never eat to your fill.
6. Refusing to eat.

But is it your eat?
7. Breaking a plate or glass cup.

RIP to your backside.
8. Crying for no reason.

Sadness is not your option in a Nigerian home.
9. Not shedding adequate amount of tears when you get flogged.

Because only stubborn goats chest cane.
10. Collecting gifts from visitors with open arms.

You must say “Ah no, thank you” while looking out for your mother’s side eye before even dreaming of collecting any gift.
11. Being too happy or excited.

You should always be in a state of solemnness.
12. Looking your parents in the eye when they speak to you.

Your eyes must be fixated on the floor.
13. Looking away from your parent’s face while they’re speaking to you.

You’ve started growing wings abi?
14. Singing right after you got scolded for something wrong you did.

You can’t sing away your sorrows.
15. Buying what you feel like eating with your lunch money.

How dare you spend your twenty Naira lunch money on something other than the salt and pepper biscuits your parents love so much?
16. Sitting while elders stand.

Because, only elders have the right to rest their behinds.
17. Fighting with your agemate and winning.

Why did you fight?
18. Fighting with your peers and losing.

Does he have two heads?
19. Eating at your neighbour’s house.

Eating free food from your kind neighbour is a taboo.
20. Telling a small lie.

Ordinary lie oh.
21. Telling the absolute truth.

Especially to an amebo aunty.
The Nigerian mother is seriously one of a kind. Her amazing ability to go from whooping your ass with an eba stick to lovingly rubbing your head really needs to be studied.

Although this may seem like a totally random generalization, it’s actually a very valid one. And these tweets and the amount of retweets they gathered in agreement, just further validate that point.

1. The Paranoia

https://twitter.com/boluososami/status/626712586004860928

2. The Discipline

https://twitter.com/OtuyeluBolu/status/626711807634370560

3. The Telepathy

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian when she says "Get my kini" and believes with all confidence that she gave birth to a mind reader

— Chef (@Iam_UdoO) July 30, 2015

4. The Sass

"Mum, I'm Sorry"
"Sorry for yourself" 😤#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian pic.twitter.com/Js6Pzrvqjc

— Wale Gates (@walegates) July 30, 2015

5. The Expectation

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian
Me: i came 2nd in class 😃

Mom: sooooo the person that came first has two heads shey 😠

— Anna-Barbara O'James (@Barbratoria) July 30, 2015

6. The Amnesia

https://twitter.com/SemilooreAkoni/status/626520240042733568

7. The Guilt Tripping

https://twitter.com/rocboifabulouz/status/626490542432632832

8. The Invincibility

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian when she touches hot pot comfortably without a napkin

— Uchiha 제시카🇳🇬🇧🇷 (@YiskahAbbi) July 29, 2015

9. The Sarcasm

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian if
You: Mummy where should I put the bag?
Mum: put it on my head
You: pic.twitter.com/z5hdua9oI5

— Iron Man⚖️ (@kungfoo_tari) July 29, 2015

10. The Technophobia

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian
When she says every wrong thing you do is because you're always "pressing" phone.

— JNR🀄️ (@ADxKOLE) July 29, 2015

11. The ‘Helping’

https://twitter.com/iam_Raice/status/626473269068234752

12. The Haggling

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian when She starts Pricing Meat In The market You start Feeling Bad for The meat seller .

— Fictional Character. (@Abdul_kamr) July 29, 2015

13. The Indecisiveness

Mom: Shebi m talking to you and your keeping quiet
Me: But…
Mom: Keep quiet,i'm talking! #YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian

— Klara Kalu (@ifedioku) July 29, 2015

14. The ‘Fight’

https://twitter.com/saaboi_/status/626460498670813184

15. The Forgetfulness

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian when she makes u teach her how to send text messages but still calls u to help her send it whenever she wants to.

— Baaj Adebule (@BaajAdebule) July 29, 2015

16. The Warning

https://twitter.com/TweetLikeNICOLE/status/626401105824583680

17. The Child Slavery

https://twitter.com/Humour_Island/status/626399089912098816

18. The Inhuman Precision

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian if she is more accurate with her slippers than Robin Hood is with arrows

— rza (@simon_rza59) July 29, 2015

19. The Glare

https://twitter.com/Nutty_may/status/626363848107409408

20. The Suspicion

#YouKnowYourMumIsNigerian when u tell her u love her and she asks u what u want…

— Basitomania (@Basitomania) July 29, 2015

Nigerian mothers really are the best. So, what’s your favorite ‘Nigerian mother’ behavior? Please, sound off in the comments section
These video will hit you right in the feels! Some will make you feel old, but all will make you feel nostalgic. Even if you’re too young to know most of these commercials, you will still feel the nostalgia. Grab your tissues because you’ll either be crying from laughter or just plain crying at the memories. Let’s go there!
1. This advert for MKO Abiola’s presidential campaign in 1994.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-YSSYKY0g0
Na him be the hope for better tomorrow.
2. This Bagco super sac ad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3XnbitSDag
E dey kakaraka!
3. This hilarious Gold Circle ad.

Na who get this raincoat?!
4. This ad for Emzor Paracetamol.

Na the same before and na the same now. Wellness anytime!
5. Remember this touching MTN commercial?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgiDX9op7ec
“With MTN your world is always where you are.” Aww.
6. Omg! This Blueband advert.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euvfQtxiHvc
Blueband gives you the energy to grow.
7. This ad from Nicon Insurance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPrgx3vaRzQ
When you need a cover, you have a friend in them.
8. Check out this Coca Cola ad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbftZrEX5XE&index=9&list=PLiaRHd67KZ6xJEkioUDaDw3OHUsMb2JM6
Brrrrrr…
9. This Ribena advert.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qn7gzhW-hWY
Ribena rules, that’s good for me.
10. Check out this classic Thermocool ad.

Makes things better… Makes better things…
11. This Close Up toothpaste advert.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKdjB4rnupg
Close up gives you fresh breath.
12. Ava toilet soap’s commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEmda1epGH0
It captures the freshness of the sea.
13. This funny ad by Zebudiah for Elephant Blue detergent.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuB6b6YB2ak
It laundricates white whiter and colour brighter.
14. This ad for Super V Visco Static engine oil.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JILAfOymy7k
Best protection for your car’s engine.
15. This Elegance ankara ad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26iY2BCDH_Y
Elegance is to the 80s and 90s what Da Viva is to the present.
16. Chai! This Indomie noodles commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WdndYLkSiI
Indomie is the ancestor of all other noodles in Nigeria.
17. This Joy soap advert.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkcFP1luczM
Your own special beauty treatment.
18. This ad for Benylin cough syrup.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JdqAx58EMc
If symptoms persist, see your doctor.
19. Jeyes Fluid ad. Whatever happened to them?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IM04siMCneU
The best way to keep your toilet clean.
20. This Lux soap commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNgl7Fzj3e0
For soft, smooth and naturally healthy skin.
21. This traditonal ad about Eagle Aromatic Schnapps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO4maSZygss
May you soar like an Eagle.
22. This combination of Indomie, Hi-Malt, Lux and MTN.

You’re welcome.
23. This four-in-one compilation.

Super blue Omo, Lux, Close Up, Blueband,
Watch all the videos here.

Featured image via Smithsonian.
1. When you start making food, but the ‘making’ starts looking too stressful.

Laziness is actually a strong mental problem. One minute you boil water to make Eba, next minute you are drinking tea.
— Bamz (@NomskyN) August 20, 2015

As long as something is entering my mouth.
2. You, when someone wakes you up from sleep.

You evil troll!
3. When you think about exercising but then you decide that sleeping is better.

Umm…no.
4. When you wake up on Monday and realize that it’s Monday.

Please don’t make me…
5. When you’re forced to watch one channel because the remote is 5 inches away.

Too far.
6. When you have kids and you can now make them get the remote that’s in front of you.

My turn!
7. When someone invites you to go out and you realize you have to wear clothes.

Why do you want to stress me?
8. When they cancel the plans they made with you.

LMAO! I’m not even mad.
9. When someone tries to get you to work harder than you’re used to.

Am I not doing enough already?
10. When your mom tries to get you to arrange your room.

I’m not ready.
11. Wardrobes mean nothing to you.

I have a system, please.
12. When you just sat down and someone else wants to send you on an errand.

Kuku kill me.
13. When you have to pee, but you already tucked yourself into bed.

Now?
14. When someone ties a reward to extra work – and you want the reward.

What do I do? Do I do the work?
15. When you want to go get something but you don’t want to get up.

Crawling is fine too.
16. You, when someone says the key to success is hard work.

Shut up.
If you’ve been searching for where to learn to do your makeup for free, then you’re most welcome. If you just want to brush up your skills, you’re still welcome.
1. Learn how to do the nude lips.

They’re so in right now and probably for the foreseeable future.
2. Have your eyebrow attempts been an absolute fail? Here’s the hack!

Make your brows look on fleek!
3. Learn some dope beauty hacks.

How to make your perfume last longer, cheaper alternative for makeup primers, how to contour your face easily and make your lipstick last longer.
4. Wondering how to keep your made up face flawless in this hot weather? This is it!

Your make up will stay put!
5. Create Kylie Jenner’s kind of full lips.

Without the injections.
6. If your false eyelash applications have been holy fails, then learn how easy it is now!

You’ll be so good at doing your lashes that they’ll look really natural.
7. The easy way to contour and highlight.

And with powder too.
8. Learn even more ways too keep your makeup on for longer.

Because we all need that!
Now go forth and beat that face!
Featured image by Alakija Studios.
Have you ever been in traffic for more than four hours and spent the whole time wondering why, what, who, is causing the damn thing? Say no more we’ve got you. Disclaimer: You still can’t avoid it.
1. Garden Egg

https://twitter.com/iamsupervillain/status/650020557203881984?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Sometimes the person 10,345 cars away was just trying to buy fresh garden egg.
2. Gala

What if all the traffic in Lagos is just an evil plan by UAC to sell more Gala?
— Reuben Nyaze – UI/UX & Branding (@ReubenRane) December 19, 2015

You don’t even need a prophet to tell you. Just hope there is still fresh gala when it’s your turn to buy.
3. Yourself

https://twitter.com/5thHorseman_/status/701666655634587648
Why you no leave house early?
4. Witchcraft

https://twitter.com/MadLawal/status/700559351505784832
Because witches and wizards also need to get to work…in their invisible cars.
5. Everybody that thinks this way

To beat the traffic In Lagos You've Gotta Leave Your House By 5am .. Urghh
— Mob Barley (@OlubusayomiJ) October 7, 2013

Because, if everybody leaves home at 5am together… Congratulations you played yourself.
6. And still some more witchcraft

#MyLagosExperiences when u are in traffic, you get to the front and u can't see anything blocking the road pic.twitter.com/SJR36pp7LO
— FEMI (@fabulos_dave) December 13, 2015

Sometimes you really believe there are spirits on the road.
7. Any weather change

A little rain & everything goes wrong in Lagos.. mobile network ❌, wireless ❌, power ❌, traffic 💯
— 👑 Aku (@akunwa_) March 1, 2016

Rain, sunshine, small breeze and bam! Traffic will start.
8. Toyota Camry

https://twitter.com/markessien/status/646350170347687936?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
See, please don’t buy another one, don’t enter one. Please help reduce traffic.
9. Okada owners

Lagos traffic will make somebody that is inside big Jeep to be admiring somebody on bike 😂
— Olayiwola Adeyemi (@MichaelBlaq) December 1, 2015

We believe they deliberately cause traffic, so that this will happen.
10. Searching bachelors

I might meet my wife and start a family in Lagos traffic with the way things are going.
— Swag Daddy (@ImNotAHooligans) August 20, 2015

These are the people that cause traffic so they can fulfill their purpose. Stay far from them.
11. Being smart but being stupid

In Lagos, driving a car is war. And in war, you don't tell your enemy your next move. That's why most people don't use indicators.
— Ken Ken (@theonlyfbk) February 2, 2015

Everybody wants to get to the front first, because competition.
12. And of course

These ones are never up to any good. As their name suggests they will make you get anywhere last.
13. Lagos Traffic

Me: Oga no vex. I go soon reach there. I'll be there in less than 15 minutes

Lagos Traffic: pic.twitter.com/sJTw8Yic36
— ATL™️ (@atl_dunni) December 3, 2015

Lagos traffic causes lagos traffic, so it can show you who is the boss here.
What other ridiculous reasons do you think causes traffic?
The taller you are, the more the struggles…
1. When someone sees you and goes “You’re so tall!” like you forgot or something.

That’s not obvious at all.
2. Or they ask “are you a basketballer?”

Yes, absolutely. All tall people play basketball.
3. Random person: You should be a model.

Please, tell me more.
4. When someone expects you to cram your lengthy legs into the backseat of a car.

Are you not mad like this?
5. If you’re a really tall girl, you get the ‘don’t wear heels’ advice often.

Shut your soul up!
6. When your personal shoemaker would rather make you sandals than shoes. Because shoe size 49.

I’m not even mad.
7. When someone stares at you from your face down to your feet and back to your face again.

Are you convinced that I’m human now?
8. People assume you’re not single because you’re tall, dark and slightly handsome.

Is it your single?
9. When a short person tries to use you as shade.

If you don’t get!
10. When you see a fellow tall person.

I see you.
11. But when you’re over 6ft. but someone taller comes along.

My oga.
12. This is you when most of your squad are shorter than you.

They see me rollin’…
13. When you have to slow yourself down because you always walk slightly faster than the people you’re with.

Can’t you people walk faster?
14. When you lie down on your bed and two-tenths of your body is outside the bed.

Gosh!
15. When long-sleeved shirts are three-quarter sleeves for you.

It’s fine.
16. When people hug you, they’re also accepting to have their faces in your armpit.

It’s not my fault, it’s the height difference.
17. When you’re in a crowd or at a movie and people keep yelling that you’re blocking their view as if you grew tall solely for that purpose.

Move to the front, you muppet!
18. You, when you find correct length jeans.

It’s been too long.
1. When you tell someone your birthday and they start laughing.

So what is now funny?
2. When your friends are happy because they only give you gifts once in four years.

You cheapskates!
3. When people won’t stop making jokes about how ‘young’ you are.

It was funny at first.
4. When your one-in-four-years birthday falls on a Monday.

Nice one, universe.
5. When people think you’re lying when you tell them you were born on leap year.

Really? That’s something to lie about?
6. When you realize that after today, you actually have no birthday for another four years.

Wow.
7. So you try to cram many activities into the one day.

Smile.
8. And then you just think, this is all your parents’ fault.

You couldn’t wait.
9. And when your birthday is finally over, you have to wait forever for your next real birthday.

Whatever.
What’s not to love about goats? They’re cute, cuddly and are always happy.
And goats stay giving us inspirational quotes. Don’t agree? Let share some with you.
1. When you’re battling with your self-worth.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/703590310719283205

2. When you’re bothered by what other people think about you.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/702528357204819968

3. Self-love is very very important.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/702289640993062913

4. Which do you prefer Donald Trump or Goat?

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/701991245015429120

5. Be uninhibited. Just live your life.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/701404485352951808

6. People will always talk. So do you boo.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/701099322180435969

7. Eat healthy to stay healthy.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/700833081066827776

8. Don’t do anything now that you’ll be ashamed of in the future.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/700793248239890432

9. Skilled workers are always in demand and admired; they don’t take a backseat to anyone.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/700542661086699522

10. Your friends show who you are.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/700514176049876992

11. Pride goes before a fall.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/700509688308215808

12. Don’t go through the school, but let school go through you.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/700508336555315200

13. Going through a bad day? That too shall pass.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/699403128995762177

14. Don’t be serious all the time.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/698952606048243713

15. Stay above your haters.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/695482328026513408

16. You can do anything if you just believe.

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/693442674049708033

17. Stay strong, motivate yourself!

https://twitter.com/EverythingGoats/status/700747368438693888
There are over 500 different tribes and three major ethnic groups in Nigeria. The Igbo tribe, which is made up of approximately 32 million people is one of them. The Igbo are made up of one of the most illustrious and industrious people in Nigeria. Today, I’ll be debunking some of the common misconceptions associated with this tribe, things shared in common with other tribes and other great things you don’t know about the Igbo culture.
1. It is not “the Igbos”.

You don’t say “the Englishs” or “the Frenchs” do you? Exactly. So saying the Igbos is wrong. Simply say “Ndi Igbo” or “the Igbo” or “the Igbo people”.
2. Some of us who have never left the shores of Nigeria still speak good English.

Yes, this is true. Each tribe has a unique accent, rather than try to change it, everybody should own their accents and be proud of it.
3. All the Igbo do not prefer business to education.

That there is a generalisation; the believe that all the Igbo people do is chase money. Yes it’s true that a lot of young boys learn apprenticeship work from their ogas and go on to start their own businesses. But if you look at it logically, isn’t that education in itself? They know how to read and write and do mathematics (calculating daily earnings and expenditure), which is more than can be said for those that were in the four walls of a school. But moving on, we do love education and progresion and can be found in all career fields. Some of the best African writers are Igbo. *hint* *hint* Chinua Achebe, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Flora Nwapa, Chika Unigwe… I could go on and on.

4. Ndi Igbo do not eat human flesh.

Well, unless there’s a famine going on. Just kidding. But desperate situations do call for desperate action — as some Biafrans resorted to to ward off starvation.
5. Igbo people have not fully recovered from the effects of the civil war.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s book Half of a Yellow Sun deals with this. Their are adults that are known as Biafra’s lost children who will never reconnect with their families because of the war.
6. Not every Igbo wants Biafra to secede from Nigeria.

As bad as the country is right now. and with all the brouhaha that’s been happening, most Igbo people see secession as a disaster. Especially those who are aware of what happened in the Nigerian-Biafran civil war. Nobody wants a repeat of that.
7. The Igbo love money.

This is like the most common thing all Igbo people hear. I’d like to ask, who doesn’t like money? Be truthful. But some will say that the Igbo people love money more than other tribes and will go to any length to get it. Like sacrificing their family members. Nollywood movies are to blame for that.
8. Igbo people do not perform human rituals.

Again, blame bloody Nollywood. Most people say ndi Igbo are ritualists because Okija. But contrary to popular opinion, it wasn’t money rituals that took place there, but a place where the bodies of those who messed with the gods were dumped.
9. Igbo people do marry people from other tribes.

Another fallacy is that Igbo people don’t marry outside their tribe. All tribes have this problem. Most parents from any Nigerian or African tribe want intratribal marriages for their kids. But what is even more important is that most young people are following their heart, because marrying from the same tribe isn’t an important determining factor? Tribe isn’t important in this kind of thing.
10. Igbo people are not stingy.

Again, I don’t know why that is classified by tribe. Stinginess is a human nature, not Igbo nature. And if you think Igbo people are stingy, then you definitely haven’t been to an Igbo wedding.
11. Bride prices are not always ridiculously expensive.

Most people believe that the bride price attached to marrying an Igbo woman is hefty. But this isn’t common across all the Igbo people. It is peculiar to some places. Also, the price is negotiable. So, if you love the girl, you’ll definitely talk your way into being a member of her family.
12. Igbo people are not disrespectful.

Just because we don’t prostrate and kiss the floor doesn’t mean we don’t respect our elders. If that is an important criterium or actually yielded something important, the whole world would be doing it.
13. Igbo people greatly appreciate good music.

A lot of Nigerias music legends, both dead or alive are Igbo. E.g: Osita Osadebe, Oliver de Coque, Phyno, Flavour.
14. Yam is the lifeblood of the Igbo.

Which is why, the New Yam Festival (Iwaji), an annual celebration, is held to celebrate the yam harvest. During the festival, people show off their yam tubers as a sign of success and wealth.
15. Some school of thought believe that the Igbo, Yoruba, Nupe, Edo, Idoma all share a common ancestor.

How true is that? We don’t know.
Watch this video to learn more about the Igbo culture.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=218&v=keZXlDZlluI

Of course, this list isn’t exhaustive. Umu nnem na umu nnam (brothers and sisters) what are the other things you wish others knew about Igbo people? Share them in the comments.
1. When you realize you have to pay to enter.

Only in Naija.
2. When you enter the house party and immediately check if you know anyone.

Where are my people, please?
3. When people enter and run straight to a socket to charge their phone.

Calm down na.
4. When people start asking for wifi password.

Better leave my front.
5. When you get to the party and it’s all guys.

Na wa.
6. When everybody just packs themselves in groups.

Go to House party in Nigeria and the way everybody will be in groups, you'd think its Inter House sports 😶😕
— Angie 😇 (@Angel_HRH) August 17, 2015

7. When someone complains that the music is too loud.

Are you lost? Do you think this is a library?
8. When the party’s playlist is serious rubbish.

What is this nonsense?
9. When they finally pass you the aux cord.

Very good.
10. When the house party is banging but you came with bae.

See my life.
11. When you want to turn up but everyone is just pressing phone.

Are you people mad?
12. When those annoying people put their phone’s screen brightness on the highest.

How is it doing you people?
13. When you see guys struggling for wall space.

Who are these ones?
14. When a babe says “that’s my seat.”

Na your house?
15. When the light comes on and you see who you’ve been dancing with.

Hay God! See my life outside.
16. When you start feeling sleepy halfway through.

I’m too old for all this rubbish.
17. When you realize the party is actually dead.

Bye Felicia.
Thankfully none of this happens at a Smirnoff House Party and Zikoko is giving out 5 TICKETS to the next #SmirnoffHouse party taking place this Saturday, November 14th.

To win tickets, share this post on your Facebook or Twitter timeline using the hashtags #SmirnoffHouse and #zikoko and tag Zikoko on Facebook (zikokomag) or Twitter (@zikokomag) for a chance to win! Winners will be randomly selected.
Featured image via DailyMail.