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Twitter NG has never been known to take things lying down, especially when that thing is a possible lie or half-truth about speaking at the United Nations. The opposing party has held six Twitter spaces to defend her honour, but the people still aren’t convinced.
As usual, the commentary that followed was hilarious.
If Yetunde Gold had taken this advice, we wouldn’t be where we are today
Controversial but- if I lie on this internet and I’m caught I will go offline and come back in 3 months wearing white and post a picture of myself on the beach with the caption
Idc idc, if my man was on twitter defending a supposed stranger (woman) this way when he’s never defended me, when I’ve been called ashawo multiple times and cussed out for dating him, I would be very sus🧍🏾♀️
— Purple Tinkerbell ⁷🧚🏾♀️🎀💜 (@Zoyablooms) May 3, 2023
But he has nothing to worry about. This person has his back
After the seemingly long and semi-productive break (L.O.L), school resumed about three weeks ago.
People are thanking Muslims for the public holiday, and I can’t relate because break where??? I have MB exams in three weeks, and lectures won’t end till next week.
How I was going to cover 400 topics in five weeks was beyond anything I could think of, but miracle no dey tire Jesus.
I want to say we move, but I don’t even want to move
As usual, I resumed with a plan; one week, one course.
Sorry for the laugh
Don’t even ask how that’s going. The more I read, the more I realise that wahala dey. If the Efikos are panicking, who am I but a pencil in the hand of the creator?
At this point, said creator needs to step in because I’m beginning to believe Nigerian lecturers enjoy being wicked. How do you move your test to two weeks before the exam and then inform us about a presentation less than a week to it? Haba.
The first time I heard path & pharm exams were the hardest, I thought it was mere talk. After all, they said the same thing about my other exams. Now with every hug, I cry. “How are you?” – tears, “I brought food” — tears, “Call me if you need something” — tears. Even the Erin Ijesha waterfall has nothing on me.
I didn’t plan for this while living the soft girl life last month.
My dwindling will to actually pursue this degree aside, I think it’s safe to safe to say I’ve finally hit broke-girl rock bottom in this school.
Just three weeks in, and all my money has disappeared – even though I’ve been making wise financial decisions. I survived…
Survive is a very strong word, but okay
…on biscuit flakes for two days, so it’s safe to say that I’m now lactose intolerant. I tried to cook.
I made Jollof spaghetti, and my concoction was inedible, but do you see that my desire to save money was obviously stronger than my desire to live?
Anyway, I now have just 1k in my account.
If you asked me how, I’d tell you that I was trying to get hot water to shower yesterday when my neighbour casually told me she sells perfumes. I didn’t know how to evade this, so I told her that she didn’t have the one I wanted, a big mistake, because she then said she was going to order it soon, and now I can confidently write a guide to thriving as a broke girl in school.
But you didn’t ask, so I won’t tell
All of that doesn’t bother me though, because money will always come.
On the bright side, it was retail therapy for me. I’m about to soak garri with my sleep-deprived eyes. Please act right if you see me with a plate in your room.
Don’t comment about my body changes during this period. “You’ve lost weight”, “your eyes are darker”, “are you even eating?”, “see your neck”, “you’ve become skinny”. Nanret, if you were in my shoes, you’d look worse. Did you offer me food that I rejected? It’s always “You’ll be fine” and never “I bought massa and plantains for you”.
With everything going on, please don’t stress me. I have assignments due in the morning and haven’t started them. In between all this, I watched Gangs of Lagos. Who’s looking to be the Obalola to my Teni?
People who have never had to cook with a boiling ring
If this is you, it means you went to a posh boarding school and you’re not like the rest of us in the trenches. You’re so rich, you probably use money to wipe your tears.
People who have touched the furniture in Dangote’s house
Imagine the people that have sat on the chairs in Dangote’s house or those that have wined and dined with him on his dining table. We’d love to meet them and ask them how they felt.
People who go on trips with their friends
You know you’ve made it when that trip makes it out of the group chat. When we say trips, we mean every kind of trips: Mexico o, Cabo o, Paris o, even trips to Yankari Game Reserve and Olumo Rock follow. Where are you people seeing money in this economy?
Lagos Big Boys
They drive Benz, buy Azul like they’re buying water, have Rolexes, go on trips, they’re Lagos Big Boys.
The queens of spending money. They travel to Dubai when they’re having a headache and Mauritius when they’re tired of how Lagos smells. If you’ve only been to Ijebu-Ode, respectfully, this isn’t you.
People who earn salary in dollars.
You’re in a country where the currency people spend is naira but you’re earning in dollars. You’re a baller and everyone around you is a mechanic.
If you think Lagos boys are big, wait till you see Abuja big boys. We don’t know if it’s their sports cars, jalabiya, Audemars Piguet watch and the Rolexes that have earned them the right to talk down on money.
Abuja big girls
Shoutout to Abuja big girls! They’re the real queens of enjoyment. We’re trying to be like them but funds no dey.
People who live on the Island
If this is you and you’re reading this, welcome! We’re honored to have you here. How does it feel to be able to talk down on money? It probably feels great.
People who have more than one ATM card
Owing an ATM card means you’re a respected person in society. But owning two and above? You’re an Igwe, a chief, an ambassador, a royal highness, a baller and a bad bitch.
People who don’t drink garri
If you don’t drink garri all the time like the rest of us, it’s probably because you’re busy eating sushi, pasta, seafood etc. How can you claim “trenches”?
People who can relate to what retail therapy is
If the first that comes to your mind when you’re sad is shopping, then yeah you’re an OBO and we want to be like you when we grow up.
People who can’t remember the last time they entered public transport
If you have a car or you’re always ordering Uber anytime you want to go out, you’re simply built different. We would love for you to tell us where you found your money. Are you a tech bro or a tech sis? What exactly did you do to get money?
Only a rich person can afford to buy and maintain a generator that uses diesel because have you seen the price of diesel these days?
People that don’t check their account balance
Some people just swipe and swipe their cards all day long, without even thinking about how much is in their account. These are the people we’re trying to be like when we grow up.
People who have bought Airpods more than once
If you’ve bought Airpods more than once, then you probably have a money tree in your backyard. Please, tell us what seed you planted to grow that tree.
The time of the year when you meet all your “I Just Got Back” (“IJGB”) friends and go to clubs, concerts and just have a nice time. But please don’t get carried away because of their newly acquired accents.
I want to know how and why Nigerian grandmothers always have money. Be grateful for the wealth of these senior babes because it’s probably the reason your family bounced back from all of Nigeria’s recessions.
Twitter
When Bubu decided to ban Twitter, it was a difficult period for all of us. But now it’s back, you can be thankful for the privilege of being dragged for no reason, or you can be thankful for all the unhinged and funny stuff you see daily.
Dino Melaye
This man is a case, but at this point, we cannot think of a world without him and his clownery. Only Dino can jump out of a police vehicle and hawk groundnuts — and he’s not even contesting in elections yet.
Nigerians love BBNaija season because it reminds them of the chaos and suffering of their day-to-day lives. Eating indomie? Fighting for daily bread?
But at least someone gets to go home with ₦100m
Garri
After Jesus, garri saves. No matter how broke you are, garri is always there for you.
Okada
Going everywhere in Uber is a lifestyle only tech people can afford. The rest of us? (except people in Lagos sha) will take Uber the day we’re feeling bougie and okada the rest of the week. The way the okada guy is riding might kill you, but living in
Nigeria is already extreme sports. What’s a little danger to you, child of the soil?
Generator
We need to be thankful generators exist because the day God said, “Let there be light,” NEPA officials responded with, “Aired dfkm.”
This one is for Nigerian parents. Nigerian mothers should be thankful to the founders of Whatsapp and Facebook because how else would they know that ginger and garlic cures coronavirus?
Korean movies
The love Nigerians have for K-drama is beyond anybody and everybody. Even if you don’t watch K-dramas, you’ve probably heard of BOYS OVER FLOWERS, CITY HUNTER, THE HEIRS and if you don’t know them, then you probably live under a rock.
Plantain is one of the baddest bitches of Nigerian food. She’s a versatile queen, and she deserves more credit than she gets. Plantain can be boiled, fried, roasted and some people even eat it raw. Rice could never.
Fuji Music
You cannot say you’re Yoruba and not be thankful for Fuji music. The day Fuji was born was the day Yoruba people were born. If you want to impress your Yoruba in-laws, just play Fuji music for them; they’ll love you!
Nigerian wedding after-parties
If you’ve never been to a Nigerian wedding after-party, please add it to your bucket list. I don’t know if it’s the endless flow of alcohol or the DJs or the hype men, but there’s something about them. Maybe it’s the fact that the aunties who usually annoy you are too busy having fun to be on your case.
Nigerian aunties
Apart from the fact that they don’t mind their business or that they’ll complain to your parents about your ashawo gowns, they’re actually not so bad. They give you money, sometimes-sound advice, and will come through when you really need them — even though half the time, they’re reasons why you needed a come-through anyway.
Nobody will pass off a chance to win an all-expense-paid trip to KENYA with the winner of Nigerian Idol Season 7. So if you are still thinking, dreaming, waiting, or thinking you have enough time, then you are wasting time because this promo is ending on the 7th of June.
Do we have your attention? Here’s how to participate.
There are two ways to participate in this promo: offline and online. For offline, all you need to do is:
1. Visit a TECNO store nearest to you.
2. Purchase a TECNO CAMON 18 or Phantom X smartphone and get a raffle ticket which qualifies you for a chance to become one of the lucky winners. There’s more. You will get an instant gift when you buy any POP 5 GO, POVA NEO, or SPARK 8P.
For the online it gets more interesting, all you have to do is:
1. Choose any of the songs performed by your favorite contestant in the Nigerian Idol Season 7 show.
2. Using a TECNO CAMON 18, record a one-minute video of yourself singing the song.
3. Use the hashtag #TECNOWinATripPromo #TECNOHomeEdition on your social media pages on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.
4. Invite your family and friends to like the video and show their support.
And that is it. You stand a chance of being one of the three winners to travel to Kenya with a celebrity as your closest buddy. Don’t miss this opportunity to make that secret of yours come true. Rush to a nearby TECNO authorized dealer store now and buy yourself any of the CAMON 18 series, and if you own one already, whip out that CAMON 18 and start singing!!! Fortune favors the bold.
Feel like you’ve run out of interesting places to hangout or visit? We’ve got you. Iba Ajie is a new spot we highly recommend if you are looking to explore places in the Eastern part of Nigeria.
If you’re wondering what makes this spot special, here are 5 reasons.
1. There is a Chophouse
Yes, exactly how it sounds. You can chop all the delicious local and international meals you want here.
2. There is a museum
The museum holds over 200 pieces of Nigerian antiquities; masquerades, igbo ukwu pieces, benin and ife bronzes, drums, panels and carvings collected over a period of 50 years. Definitely worth feasting your eyes on.
3. Games galore
You’ll have access to full eSports centre offering global and local gaming leagues on the premises. Perfect way to unwind.
4. Arts & Creativity
Art exhibitions and digital skills training are periodically hosted. Satisfy your soul’s artsy cravings.
5. Best of both worlds
Ever felt like you wanted to have the best of both worlds – modern and traditional – while preserving important aspects of your culture? Iba Ajie Centre is definitely the place for you.
Iba Ajie is a community and resource center which houses a museum, a restaurant that sits 29 inside, co-working spaces, a research library with 2000 reference books, a coding and digital academy with 35 workstations as well as 62 gaming consoles for eSports and gaming competitions. We also have a training room and performance spaces indoor and outside.
Nigeria’s President, Muhammadu Buhari opened 2021 with a national address to Nigerians. We know you did not watch it, so here are seven things Buhari said in his address.
2020 was a bad boy
“The year 2020 was one of the most trying years since our existence as a Nation”.
Buhari’s address opened with him acknowledging that 2020 was a difficult year for Nigeria. We agree; ignoring the death of peaceful #EndSARS protesters killed in public view must have been very difficult.
2. Our enemies did not win
“We have confounded the many pundits at home and around the world who never gave the newly-born country that emerged unto the world stage on 1st October 1960 a chance of surviving much longer than a few years.”
Buhari’s address reflected on Nigeria’s 60th independence anniversary that happened last year, stating that our enemies said we would not survive but look at us today.
3. Home or away, Nigerian youths are proper ballers
“Our young people are our most valuable natural resource, at home and abroad. Their ingenuity, creativity, innovation and entrepreneurial spirit is evident to all. Many of our young people are excelling in various spheres of life including sports, entertainment, information and communication technology, commerce and are globally recognised as achievers.”
Buhari admits here that the youths have brought their A-game, stop calling them lazy. Let us support them small, especially those Paystack boys.
SEA is the version of Yar’Adua’s 7-point-agenda that did not finish from school.
5. We have been trying since Jonah left, ha, you people should see nau
“Nevertheless, I call upon all Nigerians to carefully recall the circumstances of our coming to office, the facts on the ground and the resources at our disposal since 2015 with the accomplishments of this administration”.
Buhari said he has been trying since 2015 — e no just easy to be starboy. That Jonah boy did not do his work, so Buhari says he has to be the tough guy.
6. COVID-19 vaccine fit come and e fit no come
“…Keeping our country safe from a resurgent cycle of COVID-19 as this administration finalises its plans to procure and efficiently and effectively distribute the COVID-19 vaccines.”
That COVID-19 vaccine is expensive small o, but I’ll see what I can do.
7. I remain the starboy
“As your elected President, my pledge to you is the same as it has always been; I will play my part fully and without fear or favour. I invite all of us to do the same”
Buhari has noted that he remains the baddest boy in the hood, and you should support his ambitions, even if you do not believe in him dreams.
Remember the Nigerian boy who was seen doing ballet pirouettes barefoot and in the rain, in that viral video?
Well, he’s been offered a scholarship by the prestigious American Ballet Theater.
With the help of American actresses Viola Davis and Cynthia Erivo, the video garnered 15 million views, ultimately leading to Anthony Madu being offered a scholarship by the ballet theater.
Reminds me of the beauty of my people. We create, soar, can imagine, have unleashed passion, and love….despite the brutal obstacles that have been put in front of us! Our people can fly!!! ❤ pic.twitter.com/LNyWD2ZoU0
I’m so happy for him, his instructors and others like him that this will inspire. Still can’t believe people opined that he shouldn’t consider better facilities like Julliard especially when it’s was given on a platter. Thank goodness that’s where it ended, opinions. Whoop! https://t.co/Hrtnv5CPQ8
Nigeria is a shitty place for those who live here, many seek an escape route. But, amid the insecurities, bad economy, and the uncaring government, some things happened this year that make us feel thankful.
Yeah, we know, hard to believe right? Yet we need to end the year on a positive note, so here are some things that we can say made 2019 tolerable:
1) Peace:
We’re pretty sure many Nigerians expected the country to go to shit after the general elections. Everything seemed to be on a precipice of evil, and everyone was tense about the consequences of the election results. Thankfully, nobody threatened war, and everything is in limbo.
2) Consumption of local produce:
Think what you will about the fact that Nigerian rice is full of stones, but the border closure came as a blessing in disguise. Now our local agriculture is booming even at the expense of our health, who cares about getting appendicitis anyway? Not our inconsiderate government.
3) No natural disaster:
Imagine how horrible it would have been for us if our country had earthquakes, landslides, or hurricanes! Eesh. Thankfully, God had enough sense to keep those away from the nation, he knows that the self-created disaster is more than enough to deal with.
Clearly, everyone would die if we have to rely on Nigerian firefighters, police, paramedics (do we even have those?), or any other rescue team that will be needed in the case of a natural disaster occurring. Y’all know how slow their response is–when they respond.
4) Our artistes getting more international recognition:
Burna Boy got a Grammy Nomination and got interviewed on The Daily Show interview. Davido featured Chris Brown. Tiwa Savage and Yemi Alade got signed to Universal Music. Beyonce featured Wizkid to tell us that black is beautiful in Brown Skin Girl.
Nigerian artistes got featured on Beyonce’s The Lion King: The Gift album. Wizkid shut down the 02 arena. Need I go on? What a great year it’s been for Nigerian musicians, and the world is paying attention.
5) Philanthropy within despair:
While the Nigerian government was being such a slowpoke about the xenophobic attacks to Nigerians in South Africa, a kind soul decided to take action instead. Many people were pleasantly surprised when Air Peace volunteered to get Nigerians out of South Africa for free.
Isn’t that something? In this Nigeria? Rare indeed.
6) NEPA finally realizing how low we rate them:
They finally gave us a chance to let them know that we don’t care about them and their poor services when they went on strike. Did you even know they were on strike? Most people thought it was their usual game of blackout.
7) Six years tenure was rebuffed by the House of Reps:
Finally, our legislators can do something right! They kicked against the bill that proposed a longer tenure for politicians in this country; it aimed to change the constitution, making each president, governor, senator, and house or rep member serve for 6 years instead of 4.
Like we haven’t suffered enough in this country already.
8) Cardi B in Lagos:
If you weren’t in the mood for December before Cardi B came to Lagos, then seeing her enjoy Lagos like some IJGB’s would have made you want to turn up. Some say she did more for Nigerian tourism than the Ministry of Tourism. What can I say? I agree with them.
9) Jollof Rice:
Y’all know that Nigerian Jollof is the best! It has the right color, taste, and spice. Our Jollof Road team got to taste different Jollof, while on their trip around West Africa, and they agree that Nigerian Jollof is STILL THE BEST.
We got an expert mixologist to help us bring one of our sponsored VRSUS videos to life by mixing varieties of chapman. Little did we know she was also a chef until we got in a conversation with her, while sipping our sublime drinks; no they were not spiked.
Apparently, Yetunde Anikulapo Kuti, professionally known as Chef Yeide, is not just a mixologist, she is also a chef and what we would call a versatile creative; how else can we describe the fact that she can sing, dance, mix great drinks and cook mouth-watering dishes?
What began as a passion for cooking creative and tasty dishes at age 12, under the guidance of her late grandmother led her to open her new restaurant-Kuti’s Bistro- which caters Intercontinental and West African cuisines in a contemporary and fine dining atmosphere
Chef Yeide studied Music at MUSON Center, Lagos in 2009, becoming a backup singer and dancer with Seun Kuti and Eypt 80 before she thought to pursue a culinary career, going back to her first love for cooking. This was why she went on to learn cake making and cookery at Yetkem Institute of Catering and Hotel Management in 2010. Her zest for more culinary knowledge had her making French and Senegal cuisines in a French restaurant when she moved to Paris in 2013.
Being widely traveled and bagging a degree in Culinary Arts, an Advanced Diploma in Food Preparation and Cookery, and a Higher International Diploma from Westminster Kingsway College Centre, England, United Kingdom prepared her for the role of an Executive Chef at Barrel Lounge and Restaurant, Ikeja, Lagos in 2018, where she worked for more than a year before establishing Kuti’s Bistro.
Our advice? You should try the chef’s special when you go to Kuti’s Bistro; signature dishes like the Seafood Ofada, the SK (a fish special), the multi-coloured sauce special, they taste superb. Kuti’s Bistro is at located at 9, Ogundana Street, Ikeja, Lagos.
Nigerians are yet to come to terms with the fact that cats can be pets but now have to deal with the fact that someone thinks a lion is tame enough to have as a security guard. Reports now confirm that a two-year-old lion was discovered in a residential building in the Victoria Island area of Lagos State.
The whole thing is so ridiculous, it makes me question the rationale of the Indian man who must have thought it too cliche to have a dog, so he decided to get a lion instead; training it to keep visitors out.
Which brings me to these questions:
How was the owner able to get the wild animal into his home without anyone knowing?
Where are our nosy neighbours when you need them?
Does anyone know how expensive it is to feed a Lion in Buhari’s Nigeria?
Because I’m really wondering.
The police force was quick to deploy officers to the residential area but remains slow to take action against the rampant insecurities in Nigeria?
Twisted priorities much?
Authorities took the Lion to the Lekki zoo yesterday; can they show us videos of how they did that?
I’m pretty sure it will give me lots of lol moments.
Do the authorities know that whatever zoo they plan to take this poor animal to in this country is dilapidated?
Who visits zoos these days?
But wait o, imagine if someone who’s scared of dogs goes visiting and sees a lion?
DEAD
Apparently, the Indian may be prosecuted if he can’t come up with a good reason why the lion is in his home. But, I don’t think that’s good enough.
Surely, if LASPARK can sanction someone for cutting down trees then the Lagos State Environmental Sanitation and Special Offences Unit SHOULD definitely prosecute someone who knowingly jeopardized people’s safety; no maybe about it. What if the lion had killed someone?
The 8th edition of the popular beach soccer tournament, Copa Lagos held throughout the weekend at Eko Atlantic, VI. It had us loving the opportunity to immerse ourselves in enjoyment. You should know by now that we can’t pass up a chance to get the ultimate weekend experience. And you know the fun part? We got it all in one place.
Because we’re good people, we’ve decided to do a recap of all the things you definitely missed:
1) What’s A Weekend Without Drinks:
What’s better than having drinks with friends in a relaxed atmosphere? Especially when the drink is on tab? Copa gave us all of this and more. Hooray for us.
Yaasss, sistahs! There were so many hot guys at the event, we didn’t know where to look. Some of them were on the pitch and had us salivating with all that action; others were giving us googling eyes from their position on the sidelines of things. Apparently, we weren’t the only ones that had thoughts on this:
We totally loved the freebies that we got courtesy of FCMB, who sponsored the tournament. I mean, who doesn’t love to get gifts? Our turnup was real when we heard that FCMB was giving out free tickets and gifts. We made a mad rush to Copa Lagos just to get us some. Best part was that the gift giveaways were essential life items like flat screen TVs, mobile phones, and other exciting gifts. Ultimate what? Ultimate weekend, we tell you.
Oh you thought the tournament was only for experienced footballers? Nah. We got to see some of our favourite Nigeria celebs on the sandy football pitch as they showed of their mad skills. This includes: Sound Sultan, MC Lively, Josh2Funny, Sexy Steel, Ehiz and more.
We couldn’t keep calm when we sighted Governor of Lagos, Sanwo Olu — I know, such a rare honour to actually see him. The Deputy Governor of Lagos State, Obafemi Hamzat, and the Honorable Minister for Youth and Sports, Sunday Dare, also graced the event.
The constant music was enough to let us forget all of our home training. But, we acted with enough decorum to mingle as well. We love to meet new people, so we braved it and asked a couple of cheerleaders to teach us one or two things about cheer leading.
I have always heard stories about how one has got to be sharp if you are walking on the streets of Lagos so you don’t end up saying, “Had I known,” to your friends and family while crying tears of blood.
Oftentimes, I laughed it off, because who could be sharper than someone born in Lagos? But, I was about to find out that there are different levels to this astuteness.
As a frequent user of danfo buses, warnings of keeping one’s devices secure while in a moving bus, especially during traffic always rings in my ear. “Keep your phone inside your bag o, don’t use it so close to the window,” is the most popular warning.
I usually pay heed to it, because of the countless horror stories I have heard, but always with the believe that no one could ever steal my phone. Remember, sharp girl?
I knew the right spot in the bus to sit, so nothing like that could happen to me; in the middle seat of the middle row in the bus. Just perfect.
And if I had to sit somewhere else, I’d look for a seat partner with great body bulk, to shield me from any thieving hands that might come my way. But, that night was a lucky day for the pickpocket who would have been The Flash in an alternate universe. I wasn’t sitting in the middle and my seat partner was thin and asleep, leaving the window wide open.
Then I saw the pickpocket, felt his arm against my hands.
My sixth sense had alerted me to the pickpocket who had been speaking with a friend of his, walking down the busy Oshodi road nonchalantly. All I remember thinking at the time was that he looked odd, kind of like he was lounging, which didn’t fit the night scenery of such a major bus-stop in Lagos.
But, I forgot all about the thief when my bus zoomed pass him, after being in standstill traffic for 15 minutes. Until–I saw his hands grab the phone I was holding onto. My reflex action and earpiece were the only thing that saved my phone, I didn’t even have the time to bite him like I wanted to in my rage, I was so shocked and confused.
Like, what the hell just happened right now?
While I looked at the phone still in my hands, I couldn’t help but wonder how the pickpocket’s Usian Bolt legs were able to get him so close to the bus and away, just as fast as he came. Well, he tried the wrong sistah, I had been practicing my uppercut for just that moment, so even though my hoop earrings flew off my ears during the incident, it was a small price to pay for my phone.
I didn’t even respond to other passengers asking me what happened, then sharing similar experiences, all I could think of was; “This is a Lagos experience I would gladly not have again”.
In case you went under the rock this weekend then you MISSED. There was a lot of excitement for our Nigerian superstar musicians and the spotlight was on them, big time.
From the much anticipated Headies award, to the birth of Davido’s son, Naira Marley’s legwork and his subtle shade at the organizers of the Headies, here’s what you might have missed:
The Headies Award:
Teni , Falz, Burna Boy, Johnny Drille, Rema and others had big wins at the 13th edition of the Headies Award, which held on Saturday at the Eko Conventional Centre, Lagos.
Emerging as the biggest winner this year, Teni snagged four awards, which include; Best Recording of the Year, Best Pop Single, Best Vocal Performance and the Viewers Choice Awards.
Meanwhile other winners included; Barry Jhay (Rookie Artiste of the Year), Wurld (Best Vocal Performance. Male), ChinkoEkun (Best Street Hip-Hop Artiste), Falz (Best Rap Single, Best Rap Album, Album of the Year), Johnny Drille (Best Alternative Song), AQ (Lyricist on the Roll), Burna Boy & Zlatan (Best Collabo), Yemi Alade (Best Performer), Seyi Shay & Runtown (Best R&B Single), Mayorkun (Best R&B Album, Hip Hop World Revelation), Clarence Peters (Best Music Video), Killertunes (Producer of the Year), Burna Boy (Artiste of the Year, Song of the Year)
Davido Jr is Here!
Nigerian musician, Davido couldn’t contain his joy at finally holding his son in his arms. He took to Twitter to share the good news with his fans, while announcing the birth of his first son, named, David Adedeji Ifeanyi Adeleke Jr I.
David Jr is Davido’s third child and his first child with his fiancee, Chioma. Meanwhile, hours after his birth, about 200 fake Instagram accounts have been created in his name.
OMOBA TI DE!!! DAVID ADEDEJI ADELEKE Jr I !! D PRINCE IS HERE!!!! 20 – 10 – 2019 !!! Love you my STRONG WIFE!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!! ❤️💕 pic.twitter.com/KfWgBdlaqn
Afterwards, he tweeted that, “legwork is bigger than Headies 2019”. Considering that Naira Marley is a close friend of Zlatan, who sang Zanku (which the legwork dance originated from), that statement was most likely a shade from the Soapy crooner to the Headies for giving Rema the Next Rated award instead of Zlatan.
While Nigeria is busy engaging in a lot of shenanigans that are not moving the country forward in any way, Rwanda recently established the first smartphone manufacturing plant in Africa — Mara phones.
This is a feat that has been a longtime coming and I can’t help but applaud it.
What about the Giant of Africa?
This makes me wonder about the sorry state of the Giant of Africa whose Minister of Technology, Dr Ogbonnaya Onu, whose post is hardly remembered (since he doesn’t seem to be doing anything).
It’s gonna be a whole new level with the “Made In Rwanda” smartphones as Rwanda plays the perfect host, creating more employment for its citizens.
Considering that Nigerians seem to be smartphone collectors, I’m pretty sure the appeal of a made in Africa smartphone will make Mara Phones storm the market and oh, the Lion insignia on the phone cover is so cool.
What are your thoughts? Will you feel comfortable buying a made in Africa smartphone?
Leather, as I have always known it to be, is a flexible material gotten from tanning animal skin. It is used to make most fashion items (shoes, clothes, bags, wristwatches), furniture, book covers and more.
Cattle hide and reptile skin are the most popular skins used for leather but now there is a new kid on the block– fish leather.
Yes, it’s a thing.
Apparently, it is as exotic as snake leather and will soon be in higher demand, according to the manufacturers.
It is actually possible that you already have an item that was made with fish leather without even realizing it. Kenya is really rocking it.
Several manufacturers of fish leather seem to actually stumble on this form of leather but are now waxing poetic about how its such an important variant, mostly because the cost of production is so low–since fish scales are regarded as waste–and because; unlike reptile skin and some animal hide, fish leather isn’t hard to import or export.
What do you think of this though? Will you totally rock fish leather?
Tiwa Savage is in the news again for being number one ni Africa bad girlwho comes with fire. Apparently, Charles Anazodo, media personality and sports analyst, got his pressure so high over the fact that Tiwa didn’t say Ello baby o, how do you do?
He proceeded to narrate the whole incident on Twitter street, telling us how he has never seen this kind thing before with a hint of sho mo age mi ni tied in there somewhere.
@TiwaSavage was a guest on @THEBEAT999FM earlier today,arrived and walked past @kallyjoe and i, and didn't have the courtesy to say hello. I guess being a superstar gives you the right to be discourteous.
But Tiwa, who is ever ready for clapback, explained that she was in a hurry for her radio interview–because that’s how star do– which is probably why she didn’t see him.
Then she added a lil’ something in her tweet to Charles that basically said, Hol’ up oga chairman oh, when we put it down and low, eni duro wo tan, rara no…
First of all I’m sure you saw me rushing to the studio because I was late for my interview plus I had a hat on, second I’m glad I didn’t say hi because who are you to think you can’t say hi first https://t.co/Ut1x1Xup6u
Say what! Twitter street went wild over her response. Yeah, Charles tweet didn’t go viral until Tiwa’s made that happen.
And then, the Tiwa fandom took over from where she left off, basically chewing Charles for breakfast.
There was the sarcastic:
Tiwa Savage didn’t do well at all. A whole Charles, how important could her interview be. Even Jesus washed the leg of his disciples, she could have massaged Charles, asked about his day then give him money. But no she minded her business and went for her interview. Sorry Charles
Seriously what Tiwa Savage did was rude and uncalled for..she should have brought gifts and money for Uncle Charles, knelt down and greeted him properly while presenting them, I mean who cares if she was late for her interview
I think this Charles Anazodo feeling entitled to get a hi from Tiwa savage first shows how unnecessarily egocentric Nigerian men can get.
Imagine calling out Tiwa of all people coz of ordinary greeting. Now imagine what people close to him must be getting from him on a reg. pic.twitter.com/GPenItJdik
What happened between Tiwa & Charles just shows how much the Older NG Folks are still entitled to Greeting & see it as Pride when you don't greet. People have plenty things on their mind & might not notice you. We are adults & there are better things to worry about 🤷♂️
I'm here waiting to see Tiwa so I can prostrate and give her the "touch and follow" I've kept for her since, uncle dey find greeting pic.twitter.com/rbEfU47Ucw
There you have it folks! Tiwa Savage knows she doesn’t need to mention but y’all might want to consider her statement that “anything wey them do no fit make me change formation, as I bring this gyration” because she will get a Standing Ovation regardless of who comes for her.
I was scrolling through my feed on social media when I saw this picture:
Apparently, Amix Coffee, the flooded fish cafe in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, was established with the zest to revolutionize animal cafes, introducing a new method of human commune with animals-having fishes indoors.
Yay? NO.
I couldn’t help but cringe while watching the fishes swimming around chairs and tables, probably wondering WTF was going on around them, especially with the constant leg traffic.
Poor fishes.
Now, for my questions:
WTF! What was the owner of the cafe thinking? How is this normal? Isn’t this putting the health of all concerned at risk?
Isn’t having to change the water constantly just an unnecessary chore? Added with the fact that they have to cater to customers
Will fishes be on the café’s menu? Wouldn’t that be like patrons are eating one of them!
What if the fishes bite the customers?
What if they mistakenly put electric fish in the water?
Do customers wash their feet before walking into the cafe?
Didn’t someone tell this person what a stupid idea this is?
Then my imagination ran wild:
Imagine if this happened in Nigeria, people will say the owner is doing ogu owo (money rituals).
Especially if they have high patronage.
Just imagine how it will be eating catfish pepper soup and one of them swims past your feet with dole eyes.
And you know how lazy the staff at some buka joints can be, cleanliness is not their forte, which means the fishes will probably die from unhygienic conditions while everywhere will stink!
Oh, the smell!
Nigerians will have louded it, claiming how they saw the restaurant owner turning to mami water one evening.
Surely, one might catch a cold while sitting with bare feet in cold water in an air conditioned room.
Imagine the frenzy from the fishes if food drops on the floor.
Chisos!
Well, thumbs up for innovation. Sadly, some work and some don’t. My verdict? This doesn’t make the cut. It might lead to some better innovation though.
If you live in Lagos then congested road traffic is no surprise to you. But, it’s about to get worse!
Sanwo-Olu, who has been ghosting Lagosians since he resumed office as governor, has finally come out from being AWOL to tell us that the repairs on Lagos roads won’t commence until the rains are over.
Meanwhile, train operations on the Lagos-Ibadan railway road have been suspended until December. Yes, most people really don’t care about that because; who uses the trains in Lagos? Well, surprisingly, some people do. No, I’m not lying, see…
Yes, that’s real. I was also shocked speechless the first time I saw people sitting on a train! Although, considering the fact that even a keke napep moves faster than these trains in Lagos, I can understand how that is possible.
Anyway, word on the streets is that the ousted train passengers, especially those who sit on it-totally ignoring the fine for that-are now seeking alternative means of transportation, hence they are flooding the streets like ants.
You are wont to see more of a sea of faces during traffic hour.
Remember that video that went viral which featured a groom slapping his new bride at their reception? I never thought I would see such a thing live in my lifetime but I’m pretty sure Mother Nature was snickering somewhere in her heavenly villa at my belief.
So, get this, I was invited to a traditional wedding and I was ready to slay. I mean, facebeat was on point, my tribe were in place–we were gonna be the life of the party, dance to our hearts desire and of course, eat jollof and dodo. Because that mix is ever important.
The ceremony was well underway when we got in and as per friends of friends of the couple we had the best seats in the house, you know, levels.
Anyway, I was busying waiting for my food while watching the emcee do his thing, basically asking the bride and groom to do ridiculous things that got the guests laughing. Then thunder struck! Bride was told to narrate how they first met; she gave her account but an argument ensued between the couple, which we all thought was just a lovey-dovey thing going on until it turned serious. Groom was having none of what the bride was saying and we were all laughing at his serious expression until-gbas gbos! He slapped her.
Say what! We knew it was no longer play; everyone was frozen with shock for a moment and then, pandemonium! Bride’s father went for the guy, emcee was in the midst of it all trying to calm everyone down, getting his suit jacket torn in the process. Me? I was just there looking confused, wondering what the hell was going on.
Did that just happen?
I decided it was a family problem, wondered what the newly joined family was gonna do about such a sticky situation. Asides from handling the scandal-you know there are just some nitwits that are waiting on the sidelines to victimshame people-what will the bride do? Will she stay or leave? What will her family do about the whole thing? Has he been hitting her before and she hid it until the volcano erupted?
Anyway, there was no one to answer my questions at that moment, guests were scurrying away like antelopes and the women in the groom’s family had removed their gele’s, tying it around their waist, in order to focus on the gbege at hand.
The bride’s family were having none of it. I figured they had a lot on their hands and couldn’t bother about who got served at their party or not. There goes my jollof rice
Later on, rumor had it that the groom had mental illness which had been left uncured because his parents thought seeking psychological help was just not done, especially as an African. That led to his manifestations on the D day, which apparently shocked everyone except his family, who were trying to get him off their hands and basically make him another person’s problem.
I was watching an Igbo language parody of the movie “Venom” done by @thelegendsshow guys on Instagram, and at some point, someone referred to Venom as an “evil spirit with muscles.” This really got me thinking because that’s pretty much what Venom is.
Venom: The Ayamatangah of the Marvel universe.
It also got me thinking of all the demonic possession horror movies and tv shows I’ve seen (The Conjuring, The Exorcist, Smallville etc) and how the makers went out of their way to show how much possession sucks. (Hint: A lot.) However, what they never show are the upsides. That’s why I’m here today.
1. The best kind of companionship.
Are you tired of being lonely? Summon a demon today and offer yourself as a vessel to get round the clock companionship from an entity that actually wants to be around (in) you. Because when something needs you to survive, you can be sure it’ll never leave.
2. All that knowledge
You ever notice in horror movies how a family’s illiterate housemaid gets possessed and starts speaking in different languages (Greek, Latin, etc.) she couldn’t possibly have learned? That’s because foreign entities looking for hosts come with millennia worth of knowledge (and tea). Imagine how much easier school would’ve been if you’d had your own pet demon whispering the answers to those Maths exams in your ear.
3. The cool super powers
I don’t know about you guys but my first thought after watching The Exorcist (1973) was how cool it would be if I could dramatically levitate out of bed every morning. (Preferably, while an old priest tried to compel me with the power of Christ and holy water.) If you’ve ever wanted the ability to do cool stuff like climb walls, crabwalk down a flight of stairs at superhuman speed, have instant regenerative abilities, projectile vomit etc, then becoming a host is the way to go.
4. No one will ever mess with you and get away with it.
Can you imagine the satisfaction that would come with being able to give this face to that rude ass conductor throwing attitude up and down because of change (and then possibly eating him afterward)?
5. Gives you the chance to let someone else be in control for a while.
If constantly worrying about life’s uncertainties is stressing you out, willingly hand over control of the vehicle that is your meat suit to a being that’ll most likely destroy every aspect of your life but will keep your physical body intact while you sit, kick back, and relax in your “happy place.”
Well, that’s all of it. I just figured that if you already know the cons, you might as well know the pros.
Crushes are a natural part of life. Unfortunately, they’re also a terrible part of life because half the time they never lead to anything. (Especially if you’re shy.) You’re just left watching the object of your desire be with someone else while eternal loneliness looms on your horizon.
But fear not because I’m here with information that can possibly change that. When it comes to crushes, all you need sometimes is a foot in the door, and (if the universe doesn’t hate you) your crush just might like you back. You two will then go on to have babies together or whatever.
Here are 10 ways to successfully “get your foot in the door.”
1. Slide in their DMs
From experience, corny jokes work best. Like sending them pictures of different household items (luggage, couch etc) and then when they ask you what you’re doing, you tell them you’re moving into their DMs. They’ll laugh and you’ll laugh and hopefully, a conversation starts from there.
2. Leave them notes with sweet messages on them.
Everyone loves sweet messages that send shivers down their spine.
3. Break into their house and leave them a beautiful gift.
Like a vial of your blood or urine that they can wear as a pendant.
4. Maintain eye contact with your crush from across the room until they break and ask you what exactly it is you want.
It worked for Edward Cullen and it’ll work for you.
5. Take a copy of their picture to your church and have your pastor force them to notice you with the power of the holy spirit.
Each woman in this photo has a photo of their crush under their beret.
6. Stalk your crush on a major holiday while wearing a mask and overalls.
Eventually, they’ll notice you and think it’s cute. Personally, I think Michael Myers was misunderstood and that all his victims should’ve given him a chance to express himself.
7. Stand below your crush’s bedroom window at midnight with a boombox and make your intentions known by playing the song, “Me So Horny” by 2 Live Crew
The ultimate love song.
8. Pull a “Twilight”and sneak into your crush’s house to watch them sleep.
Edward Cullen himself should’ve written this article.
9. Follow your crush around for a day and appear in the background of every picture they take.
The demons in the “Conjuring” universe are great at this. Summon one real quick and ask how they do it.
10. Or you could just work up courage and go talk to them instead of trying something on this list and getting arrested.
Keep in mind that they might turn you down. However, what to do next if that happens is a story for another day.
I can’t remember when I finally understood how happy people work, or if such a moment exists. I do know that there is a kind of happiness you see in people that is contagious.
Such people are rare, but when you do stumble on them, like Teni the Entertainer, you will be certain of who and what you’ve found.
It’s almost impossible to disappoint people like this, as Teni shows in the recently released video for her newest single, “Case”, a song about desire and unrequited love.
As with everything she’s done since she first showed up on our radar, Teni has won our hearts yet again.
And because we love to celebrate happy people, here are five Teni songs that have made us feel the same way.
“Case”
So imagine this scenario. A mystery lady with butterflies in her belly over you sees some random hooligan beat you up over nothing. So she brings out her Okada gang with a team of strong black women to avenge you.
But you just don’t like her in that type of way because you know you’re with someone else and all of that.
Yet even when she finds out her love interest isn’t really interested in her, you get the feeling that Teni was fine just being herself.
“Askamaya”
The biggest song of 2018? We can’t say yet, but we do know that Askamaya makes you want to go to a dingy club with fairy lights that are too bright for the room and dance with reckless abandon.
If that isn’t happiness, I don’t know what is.
“Wait”
“Don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing”, the urban philosopher D’banj once said. On this song, Teni asks a lover if he will wait for her and conjures the image of endless love blossoming against all odds.
It’s the kind of music that makes you want to find someone to love, or if you’re in a relationship, break up so you can fall in love all over again.
Love is a beautiful (and confusing) thing.
“Fake Jersey”
I think of this song, the Super Eagles jerseys and all the love Nigeria got in the weeks before the World Cup and I want to sing happy songs in Fulfulde.
“Rambo” w/ Dr. Dolor
This is what music sounds like when you don’t have a thing to worry about. Teni glides over smooth melodies and takes you to a beach party with friends who might be flirting with you or just being playful.
It’s loose, relaxed and cheerful. Sorrow would never exist in a world that sounds like this.
Nigerians are famed around the world for our determination and ability to spot an opportunity, and for good reason.
We can sell bibles to the Pope, and we’ll even rent your own property to you at a small discount. One Nigerian by way of the United States is trying to be the Thanos of taking chances as they come.
When one door closes, open the window.
Nigerians go to the polls to elect new leaders in February 2019, as we do every four years.
Jos-born Vitalis Lanshima is running for the Federal House of Representatives as a member of the All Progressives Congress.
The only problem is that this living legend is also a member of the city council in Louisville, a city in the US state of Kentucky.
Lanshima has a quite inspiring story
He lost his arms in a freak accident before moving to the US and qualifying for the 2012 Paralympics as a US athlete. He’s lived in the US since then.
But things have not been perfect of late – since he turned his focus to Nigeria, lawmakers in Kentucky have been calling for Lanshima to resign immediately.
Lanshima lost council elections and has to vacate his seat in November anyway but apparently, the future is too far for these people.
“You don’t have to be obsessed with me”
Like the icon that he is, the man says he has no intention of taking that route.
In his own words, “there are many things for us to worry about… we do not have to be obsessed with me. Please stop being obsessed with me”, he told a Kentucky newspaper.
Lanshima is already campaigning at home.
Like all serious candidates, he’s appeared on AIT. His campaign website says “I believe in Nigeria, and the immense potential that permeates our country, as well as the tenacity and ingenuity of our citizens,”
See what I was saying?
During that period, Lanshima has been paid 40,000 dollars of American taxpayers’ money. Can someone say ‘Awoof?’
It’s not clear if he’ll be the APC’s chosen candidate in his constituency but we stan an icon with follow-come work experience and multiple streams of income.
Legendary Nigerian comedian, Baba Sala died on the night of Sunday, 7th of October, 2018. In our grief, we couldn’t help but remember these 8 awesome facts about Baba Sala that you might have forgotten.
He is regarded as the father of Nigerian comedy.
Starting his career in comedy in the late 60s, he formed the Moses Olaiya International Alawada Theatre Limited and toured Nigerian cities performing his acts.
He didn’t always do comedy.
He started out his career as a high life musician in the early 60s, under a band called ‘Federal Rhythm Dandies’.
He mentored King Sunny Ade.
He and Sunny Ade were both in the band – Federal Rhythm Dandies, were many believe he mentored the King of Juju.
The origin of his name.
While we’ll fondly remember him as Baba Sala, his real name is Moses Olaiya Adejumo.
Starting out his comedy career in a predominantly Muslim community was what influenced his choice of moniker.
He was honoured in a special edition of popular gameshow – ‘Who wants to be a millionaire’
In 2009, Baba Sala was during a special edition of ‘Who wants to be a millionaire?’, for his positive impact toward the development of the country through entertainment. He was awarded with N1m.
He was given a one year contract to air his Alawada Series on Western Nigeria Television (WNTV) – the first television station in Nigeria.
The contract was given based on the directive of the then Premier of the Western Region, Chief Obafemi Awolowo, who was a big fan of Baba Sala’s. The series will later air on NTA Ibadan every Wednesday between 7:00 PM and 7:30 PM.
He was also a producer and filmmaker.
He produced the popular Yoruba movie – Orun Mooru, alongside a number of others in the 80s and 90s.
He was awarded a national honour.
In 1978 General Olusegun Obasanjo awarded the legendary comedian the national honour of ‘Member of the Order of Niger (MON)’.
He has a published biography.
In 2017, Kunle Ajayi, Babatunde Akinola, and Collins Oyedokun published a biography titled ‘Triumph of Destiny’, chronicling the life and times of the icon.
“He died in his sleep after supper.”
Emmanuel, one of Baba Sala’s sons, said his father passed away in his sleep, after he’d had his 6pm supper.
As with most languages and their ‘how are yous’, this is the base line of Pidgin English.
Nigeria has more languages than most of the world; only Papua New Guinea and India rank higher. But at over 500 languages, if there’s anyone that brings us together, it is Pidgin English.
A woman in Delta State was ranting about how a flood destroyed her home and business.
But while people pitied her condition, it was her pidgin that got the most attention. Her pidgin, as you’d expect, is Delta pidgin.
E don tey, no be today
After crude oil, pidgin is the second biggest export from the Niger Delta. This fact, of course, is based on logistics. But Pidgin didn’t start yesterday, you’d have to travel back to the 15th century when White People first touched down in what is now the Niger Delta.
First in line were the Portuguese, and as they left with slaves, they also left behind some of their language. That hybrid of local languages and Portuguese was the beginning of Pidgin English.
You sabi pidgin?
‘Sabi’ is pidgin for ‘to know’. It’s from the Portuguese ‘saber’ of the same meaning. And ‘pikin’? That’s from the Portuguese ‘pequeno’, which means ‘small’.
After the Portuguese came the Dutch, and the English, and with each coloniser, more words were adopted into the local pidgin English.
And so, Naijá as a word was born from Niger.
This doesn’t mean pidgin is based off these languages alone. From the French, we learned ‘boku’, from the word ‘beaucoup’ which means ‘very much.’
Back to our Pidgin Bae.
Her name as we’ve now learned is Kate Dekpe, a businesswoman in Delta State.
I have found her!!! The lady with the poetic pidgin English. Her name is Kate Dekpe. She lost almost all her earthly possessions, but she did not lose her grit. I have asked her to open an account in her name. When she does so, I urge all my followers to donate #RenosNuggetspic.twitter.com/WOlHAVTpSD
She opened an account, and now, just like most people who have already, you can now donate to help her build her life back. It will go a long way.
These are the account details of Kate Dekpe, the poetic pidgin speaker whose viral video went I released yesterday. She has opened an account. Please help her with your donations. She lost almost all she had in that flood, but we can flood her with God’s love #RenosNuggetspic.twitter.com/C5gmYQDbCv
The Nigerian music industry has come a long way and we are glad for it, but before the Wizkids, Davidos and Teknos, there were some serious entertainers who lit up our stages, TVs and java phones.
What are they up to these days?
Osayamwen Nosa Donald was easily the Crush and Love of everyone’s life. The award-winning singer’s big moment was in 2004 when he released his breakout hit, ‘Ego’.
Djinee has dabbled in other aspects of entertainment over the years but is thankfully still singing. He dropped a single this year.
“It’s a Super Story, a life of strife and sorrow.” That voice you heard on Thursday nights belonged to Uwale Okoro, you know her as Essence. If you thought she wasn’t making music anymore, still sings, and blogs.
Paul I.K. Dairo was one of the biggest stars stars of his time. However, time passed and times changed, and Paul fell ill so had to slow down on the music. He’s better now though, and back to doing what he does pretty well, whether it is being a Judge for a Reality show, or leading live performances.
First Lady of Nigerian hip-hop, Sasha P aka Anthonia Yetunde Alabi was hot on the music scene in every way. She had bars and flow for days and looked pretty hot as well. However, she decided to move from music to fashion in 2013 and has been running her fashion label – Eclectic by Sasha, ever since.
Eddie Remedy
King of the early late 90s and 2000s, Edward Ashiedu-Brown had Nigeria in the palm of his hand. Lead singer of Remedies, Eddy definitely made his mark. However, over time and with a lot of controversies, he did music less and less. Still, he sings and even hints about the possibility of a Remedies reunion.
Weird M.C is another dope female rapper! She had been on the scene for a while, but she became a real star with her song “Ijoya”. The video was the coolest at the time. Even though Weird M.C has been quiet on music for a while now, her Twitter profile reads UN Peace Ambassador, Road Safety Marshall, Social Entrepreneur and Influencer. I guess she’s doing good, then!
Tony Tetuila
Tony Tetuila stole the spotlight with such songs as ‘My Car’ and ‘My Heart Go Jigi-Jigi’. He really was a superstar! However, the golden-haired musician whose real name is Anthony Awotoye hasn’t done much music since 2014 when he ran for political office in the House of Assembly of Kwara State.
Kel
Kel, aka Kelechi Ohia came out with a bang with when she released ‘Wa Wa Alright’. She released an album which did not do so well, but a few years later she released another song with W4 that was a was a hit. Kel then went silent again. However, she recently said that she has started a record label and is working on a few projects. We can’t wait.
Daddy Showkey
Daddy Showkey aka John Asiemo is a legendary galala singer. He swept us away with songs like ‘Diana’ and Nigerians just loved him. Unfortunately, he had an almost fatal accident that kept him bedridden for three years and out of active music for almost ten years. He’s easing his way back to music, though and we’re really excited.
B.O.U.Q.U.I
B.O.U.Q.U.I whose real name is Bukola Folayan held Nigeria’s attention when she released her album ‘Eve Of Independence’ that had major hits like “Molejo” and ”Vanity”. She cut across more than the Christian audience she made songs for. Since her second album, she has been quiet until recently when she held an online rap competition – BOUQUI Unstoppable Rap Competition. She still does music, and she’s doing good!
Just in case you are tired of combining your Jollof with dodo, there’s always coleslaw to come to the rescue. And if you really want to live your best life try combining all three.
If you are trying to use enjoyment to kill yourself, Jollof rice and asun is the best way to go.
Jollof rice is more than just a blessed delicacy from God himself…
It is a way of life. Just look at this.
Jollof Rice has proved its culinary excellence and has become so popular all over the world that there’s actually a day to celebrate it.
Yup, World Jollof Rice Day is actually a thing. If you’re curious as to what exactly makes this food so special, I’m going to give you 22 reasons… or ingredients.
1. Love and affection
I mean, this is why your mom’s Jollof Rice is still the best you ever had.
2. Experienced hands
Hands that are almost fireproof, and have evolved into automatic measuring machines.
3. Sweat
Y’all already know this is why proper party Jollof Rice tastes so much better than homecooked. 🌚 Ingredient X.
4. Firewood
If you want to make amazing Jollof Rice, you need to cook it with firewood. It’s in the Constitution.
5. Cast iron pot
Akon is from Senegal. What do you think he was talking about when he sang Pot of Gold?
6. Good rice
No matter your level of skill, if you do mistake and buy bad rice, your Jollof Rice is going to be bad, plain and simple. Shine ya eye.
7. Fresh tomatoes
Get those fresh, healthy-looking juicy tomatoes that usually come from the North. Just go to the market and ask for it.
8. Tomato puree
AKA tin tomato/tinned tomatoes. This is like the photoshop for Jollof Rice. It gives it an extremely attractive pop of colour.
9. Onions
The type that will make you shed tears at its beauty.
10. Scotch bonnet
AKA rodo. Because a little fire is good for the soul, and tastebuds!
11. Salt
I mean… This one is a given.
12. Chicken or beef
Because is your Jollof Rice really complete without ‘animal’?
13. Beef/chicken stock
Keyyy ingredient! The absence of this can spell doom for your Jollof Rice.
14. Vegetable oil
Preferably the one you just used to fry the chicken that has soaked up the spices.
15. Seasoning cubes
Because you need to season that rice well!
16. Bay leaf
For that extra, fabulous ‘scent’ and flavour.
17. Curry and thyme
This is a big part of what gives Jollof Rice that wonderful, endless flavour.
18. Cooking butter
This gives the Jollof Rice the most delectable texture!
19. Mixed vegetables
See ehn, Jollof Rice is an institution on its own. It doesn’t need to be messed with; it’s not fried rice. However, you can add mixed veggies if you want to give it small international exposure.
20. Dodo
Dodo is the perfect sidekick for almost any dish, but there’s just something about dodo and Jollof Rice. A match made in heaven.
21. Moi-moi
This one is for taste and nutrition balance and pure enjoyment.
22. Coleslaw/salad
Because it’s not a bad thing to use enjoyment to kill yourself.
Happy Jollof Rice Day! May the Jollof be with you. Let’s go out and celebrate!
A lot of people think going to a private university in Nigeria is an easier path to higher education, but it’s really not. While the private university struggles might be different from public universities, they are just as annoying.
Look at these.
When people tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to be going to a private university.
Daily devotion
First of all, you don’t have to wake up everyday at 5am to the blaring noise of a public announcement system and the grating voice of ‘Sister Jane’ shouting at you to “come out for morning devotion!” Don’t angry me.
Church
But of course you still have to go to church like 4 times a week. When you’re not the child of the devil and you don’t want a demerit.
Demerits
Any small thing, the enemies of progress will just be writing your name like… And if you lose enough demerit points, you go on suspension o. There are more possible ‘crimes’ than points sef.
Lights out
Before I entered university, I thought this was just a secondary school stoffs. I was wrong.
Beard gang?
What’s that? My brother you better go and trim your hair and beard low before they wipe it like magic for you.
Monitoring spirits
I also thought monitoring spirits existed just in the supernatural, but this school has shown me that they walk freely among us, bearing titles such as ‘porter’ and ‘security’.
Accidental wardrobe malfunction?
“Give her a demerit! And one for you, and for you…” Could this be life?
Stabbing class
Wanna stab class? You can’t. Don’t even think about it, if you no wan chop punishment.
Parties
The party might have been over before your exeat even comes through. Waste.
Watching your friends flex
This is how you look at your friends’ social media after they’ve finished posting about the mad party that you couldn’t get exeat for.
And finally…
How you look in wonder at all the freedom and life that is outside your school walls when you go home on break.
Uncle Yemi Osinbajo has done it again. This time, he has shown out for guys about the dreadful SARS situation.
Why does it seem like whenever Baba Bubs goes on one of his frequent medical trips, things just seem to work a little better? Somebody help me say political gimmicks good governance.
On Tuesday August 14, the Acting President aka Uncle Yemi gave directives to the Inspector General of Police, Ibrahim Idris to overhaul the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS).
We were shook!
Especially because all our complaints had always been brushed off as false or exaggerated.
— Abayomi Shogunle, 𝘧𝘴𝘪 (@YomiShogunle) July 26, 2018
Just a few weeks ago, Assistant Commissioner of Police, Yomi Shogunle still trolled Nigerians with this irresponsible tweet. He should better switch careers if he wants to be making silly jokes online.
Oh, you remember SARS, the police unit that was so infamous for their abuse of power and Nigerian citizens, we had to write you a survival guide?
This is just one of the many, many videos people have used to back their complaints. Let’s not even go into pictures and narratives. But we’re all lying, hey. The #EndSARS movement has been going for at least two years! Nonstop police brutality for two years.
While we’re overjoyed that our pleas and relentless #EndSARS campaign finally made some headway, we still have some doubts.
Way too many people have been unlawfully killed, jailed and extorted for us to just accept it, and things are often not what they seem in Nigeria. Gotta stay woke.
First of all, it is important to note that this overhaul doesn’t mean the police department is going to be scrapped.
This overhaul is more like a reform. In summary, the state SARS will be broken down and the officers reassigned to the already existing Federal SARS (there will only be FSARS). I know what you’re thinking, but chill. We are told that this is only going to be after investigations into the existing abuse allegations have been done, as well as mental evaluations and retraining.
Again, I know what you’re thinking, because even the Federal SARS people abuse the citizens.
The new FSARS is to be strictly intelligence-driven and their duties are to be restricted to the prevention and detection of armed robbery, kidnapping, and apprehension of offenders related to the stated offences. Nothing else.
At least that’s what they’re telling us. Me I’m only a reporter.
How are the illegal arrests going to stop, you ask?
Well, the new FSARS officers are now mandated to go about bearing proper identities. They will have a ‘new’ uniform so there will be no more random black-polo-clad-hoodlum-looking-ass-niggas jumping out of unmarked space buses. At least this will curb the possibility of the officers being impersonated by armed robbers and such. Also, THEY ARE NO LONGER AUTHORISED TO STOP AND SEARCH! Let’s forget the fact that I still saw the same SARS doing that just yesterday.
What can we do if we still get harassed?
Call the police lol. Honestly, I don’t have an answer for this. This is a commendable move on Uncle Yemi’s part, but we worry about the enforcement and implementation. Hopefully, this is not just another one of those reforms that don’t change anything at the end of the day.
And if you’re like me that is happy about this development but still believes this is just pre-election gra-gra and doesn’t trust anything this government does, I hope you’ve gotten your PVC o!
If you haven’t, there are two more weeks for you to register. Hurry! If you need any help, we gatchu!
For all I know, the “being left-handed is bad” gist might just be an olden days version of those yeye Whatsapp broadcast messages that Nigerian parents always believe.
If you want a Nigerian parent to believe something, just send it to them as a WhatsApp BC.
If you ask them who told them now, they’ll say it’s their great-aunt that told their grandmother’s cousin who told them.
I suffered a lot as a leftie, chai! I think my first official struggle was when they squeezed bitter leaf all over my left hand so I would suck on only the right.
When that one did not work, my people now followed bad advice and decided to bandage my left hand. Bandage o, imagine.
All because one woman opened her big mouth to tell them that it’s how she stopped her child from being a leftie.
My people tried all they could, but my left hand was just looking at them like:
Sha sha I learned my lesson eventually, and started rebelling small small.
One time, my uncle visited and as I was pouring juice for him he goes “my friend, will you use your right hand!”
I just continued filling the glass with my earpiece plugged in like:
When I finished he repeated, “I said don’t use your left hand!” Me, I was like:
My father just carried face from both of us. Master of unlooking.
Even in church, there was no peace. Sunday school teachers would be arguing on top my head and I’d just be there like:
One of them even had the mind to say “it’s a sin.”
Thank God for another teacher that saved me from the false prophet and opened Judges 3 vs 15 for us to read.
Defense from Baba God himself??? I just wrote down the verse and taped it to my door for anybody that wanted to form they knew more than God.
When I entered secondary school and started hearing “left handed people are meant to be smarter” I’d just look look at them like:
Fast forward to SS3 when I started having full-blown wings, supported by breasts.
I was just changing it for anybody that had anything negative to say about me being a leftie anyhow.
From pepper seller, to relative, to gateman, I was ready for EVERYBODY!
The first person that chopped my vex was one aunty that came to my house and started doing face, saying she was hungry.
Me, I even formed good girl and started serving her rice. Unfortunately for her, one evil spirit told her to she start shouting “who are you giving food with that left hand?”
Jah Jehovah, I just poured my rice back, locked the kitchen, and went to sleep. Aunty was there like:
They sha held family meeting on my head the next day because they didn’t have work, but wetin concern me?
The one that even chooked me was the cab man that refused to collect his money because I gave him with my left.
I just threw the money at him and walked away laughing and shaking my bum-bum. He was just there angrily shouting:
These days, I’ve started taking “you use your left?” as a call to war and my response is always:
Minus the annoying Nigerians, the left hand itself comes with its own wahala.
When I’m trying to open a car door or flush the toilet and I’m just there like:
Me, trying to wear a dress with the zipper on the left side:
When I’m trying to give a driver directions and I’m there trying to remember which way is left and which one is right.
Me, handling a knife with my right hand and trying not to cut my left off.
When I realized that most things in this world were designed with only right-handed people in mind.
Really, the ultimate test for every leftie is trying to use scissors. Chineke! It might as well be brain surgery.
To be honest, with the way my relatives really carried it on their heads, I’m surprised they didn’t change me. Well, I’m stubborn as hell so…
My aunty even came to the house recently, saw me eating and said “you still dey use this your left hand?”
“Iwo ati owo osi yi” was the mantra of the enemies of progress that tried and failed.
I sha love being left handed. #LeftHandsMatter.
It’s Left-Handers Day! Here are a few life hacks for my fellow lefties! You can also share this with the lefties in your life.
Nigeria’s 2019 General elections are close, but what’s super close is the deadline to register to be eligible to vote.
On the 6th of July 2018, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) said it’ll suspend the Continous Voter Registration (CVR) by 5pm, August 17.
At the time of the announcement, the CVR was ending at 3pm, only on Mondays to Fridays. This timing clearly made it more difficult for working-class people to register.
INEC listened to feedback, and later announced that from August 1st, CVR will happen till 5pm everyday of the week, including Saturdays and Sundays. Awesome.
While this is great, it still doesn’t solve some fundamental problems with the process.
We asked over 100 Nigerians currently living in at least 10 states in Nigeria, all scattered across every region. The problems appear to be the same.
“I don’t even know where to register.”
28.5% of the respondents say they don’t even know where to find registration centres in their area.
This is despite the fact that tools already exist to make this process easier. INEC’s website has features like a PVC locator and a Voter Verification page. GoVote has a locator to help people find registration centres.
We built GetYourPVC.com to help people walk through the entire registration process in 5 minutes.
“Have you seen the queues?”
“I’ve been there like 3 times,” Blessing said, “but every time I reach there at 6am, my number on the list will almost be at no. 200. I got tired and stopped going.”
She’s not alone. Over 48% of the respondents say this is why they haven’t registered. The understaffed INEC centres take the hit, with officials transferring that frustration to people trying to register.
“Someone came out and announced,” Bankole said, “We’re only registering 100 people today.” The crowd was way more.
“They were collecting ₦2000 to register people.”
That’s what Prince said. There have been allegations of INEC officials taking advantage of this overwhelming process, collecting bribes, and giving preferential treatment.
But complaints like these, including the “they said the machines were bad” issues, only account for less than 3% of reasons people gave for not wanting to register.
People we’ve spoken to have generally commended the INEC officials for sticking to their albeit cumbersome process, and refusing bribes.
“In the INEC office I registered,” Samsideen said, “they were very strict and were sending away people wanting to break the process.”
“What’s the point?”
With almost a third of the people in the survey not believing in the electoral process, this might be an indication of a wider problem.
Allegations of election malpractice from the 2015 general elections has bred mistrust. Reports of misconduct by INEC officials like this one in Taraba isn’t helping (INEC fixed this immediately).
According to Taiwo Makanjuola, INEC’s Citizens Contact Center Manager, INEC has had a pretty good record in the past few years.
“Since 2015, we’ve conducted elections in 182 constituencies, and only 2 have had issues at the Tribunal.”
Apathy is not exactly a Nigerian problem. In the United States, almost half of eligible voters didn’t even show up in the 2016 elections Trump won.
Updated poll numbers
231,556,622 eligible voters
46.9% didn’t vote
25.6% voted for Clinton
25.5% voted for Trump
1.7% voted for Johnson
— Josh Nelson (@soxmachine_josh) November 9, 2016
Bringing it back home, of the 67,422,005 registered voters, only 43.65% of them came through to vote in the 2015 elections.
Even worse is the fact that the total votes cast in 2015 was about 10 million less than was cast in 2011.
Still, Taiwo believes the turnout has been impressive. “Since April 27, 2017, when CVR started, about 11.4 million Nigerians have registered.” The inconveniences people are currently facing, he believes, is a consequence of the last minute rush.
What this means, is that INEC didn’t properly prepare for this rush, inevitably cutting a significant amount of people off.
This is just one poll.
The observations on the other hand, are valid; a lot of people won’t be able to vote in February 2019, and it won’t be because they didn’t try.
It’ll be because of the flaws that could have been avoided in a more efficient system.
Have you registered?
If you haven’t, visit getyourpvc.com and in 5 minutes, you’ll have a better understanding of what it is you need to do.
Early this morning Davido released his latest single – Nwa Baby, a love song to end all other love songs. After listening to it a dozen times, we came to the sudden realization that asides currently being one of the greatest musical artistes in Africa, Davido is also quite the expert on romance and we have proof.
Here are eight times Davido taught us more about love than your favourite Agony Aunt.
In ‘Overseas’ Davido gave us lessons on the best way to woo the one you love. Take her overseas, buy her diamond rings and call her as soon as you wake up in the morning.
In ‘If’ he taught us that there’s no better way to show you love someone than putting 30 billion in their accounts, and Versace and Gucci on their bodies.
“How I go chop when my baby no chop”. In ‘Fall’ Davido talks about the self-sacrifice that must come with true love.
In ‘Aye’ he taught us that you’ll know it’s true love when she doesn’t want designer clothes or a Ferrari.
In ‘Fia’, Davido advices us not to put ourselves in harm’s way in the name of love. He also talks about being there for the one you love, for richer or for poorer.
In ‘Assurance’ we learn that the most important question to ask yourself in a relationship is, is bae really bae if they can’t give you both assurance and insurance.
In ‘Flora My Flawa’, Davido talks about the perpetuity of true love.
In ‘Nwa Baby’ he talks about being ride or die for the one you love.
What’s your favourite Davido love song, and which one(s) are you most likely to add to your wedding playlist?
We were going about our business this beautiful morning, wondering why $1 is still over 360 naira and why a bag of rice is 20k when our Senators decided to come and disturb us with their drama.
As is with all things Nigerian we honestly don’t know exactly what is going on. But here’s the gist of what we at least know.
The DSS barricaded the entrance to the NASS complex and prevented staff and legislators from entering.
The State Security Services in #Nigeria (DSS) have blocked the entrance to @nassnigeria, this morning, and are turning away staff and legislators.
Anyway, all of them will still go to the back and be hugging each other in private.
Because really, that’s all they care about mostly. Themselves.
If you are as tired as we are of these people using us to play ten-ten and you still haven’t collected your PVC, you can’t be a serious person.
Head on over to getyourpvc.com to find the answers to learn how to register to get your Permanent Voter’s Card. Don’t forget, the deadline is August 17 to register if you want to vote next year.
A wise man once said “He was a wise man who invented beer.” That wise man was Plato
How you gonna argue with Plato?
Nigerians love beer and we can’t even deny it. Beer parlors are always full, come rain or shine.
Don’t ask me how I know this. It’s research.
Research shows that Nigerians consume about 12.28 litres of beer per year, the most in Africa.
Appaz, we’re also the Giants of Africa when it comes to drinking.
Beer even has some health benefits! What more do you want from a drink?
For real lol. Beer can actually help with reducing the risk of heart disease, providing bone strength, reducing kidney stone, cancer and diabetes risk, improving eye health and much more! If you drink too much sha, it can also help beat up your liver.
These guys have even made a business out of “therapeutic beer”.
If you fall into the category of people that say “I don’t like beer”, I’m just here to tell you that you don’t know what you’re missing.
And if you need some more convincing, will these delicious beer cocktail recipes help?
Beer Punch
Get a large jug/bowl and mix in about 35cl of Sprite, 60cl of pineapple juice and six bottles/cans of beer. You can also throw in sliced lemons, limes, oranges or whatever for an extra touch. Trust me, this will change your mind about beer forever!
Bull’s Eye
Pour 80ml of lime juice (three or four limes) into a jug, add a can of beer and ginger ale, then add like two tablespoons of sugar. Stir well and pour over ice. This is so refreshing with a nice ‘punch’.
Lemon Shandy
Start with 60ml of lemonade and add 24cl of beer (almost an entire small bottle). Just keep adding until you’re happy with the taste. And if you’re extra like that, add a few fresh mint leaves. A much easier and local version of this drink is mixing beer and Sprite. So delicious!
Find more recipes here.
Beyoncé says, “I love my husband, but it is nothing like a conversation with a woman that understands you. I grow so much from those conversations.”
If you have girl friends, you already know that the friendship is always beautiful and totally lit! Girls just understand each other in some almost psychic ways.
You know what they say; the more the merrier! Why have one girl friend when you can have two, or three, or ten!
Sha make sure they’re good people o! There’s nothing like having positive women around you that totally get you! More reasons you should build a girl squad are…
You have people to talk to that can totally relate.
I mean, who else will understand why you’re crying over your shattered BlackUp compact?
You have a solid support system
Need a shoulder to cry on? How about four or five that understand you completely? Girlfriends will encourage you and remind you why you’re fire! You won’t have to deal with anything alone.
You can be your absolute wild self with them, and they won’t judge you.
Because they’ve probably done worse lol. Be ready for some extreme trolling, though!
You always have people to gist with
Girls talk about everything. Lol you guys have no idea how lit a girls’ Whatsapp group is. You will be laughing nonstop as you drag everyone and everything!
Even if they’re not all available, you will have at least one person who’ll keep you company.
You will always have the best and most diverse fashion advice
Friends never let friends go out looking foolish, so trust that these ladies will have your back and tell you the truth!
You have people to borrow stuff from
Whether clothes, shoes, wigs, makeup or jewellery, your squad will come always have something nice for when you need something to complement your slay.
It’s Girl Friend’s Day! Show your ride or die girl friends some love today, and let them know how awesome they are! Women are so powerful when they come together.
