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Creativity doesn’t just happen on your computer or piece of paper. At least, not in Nigeria. Creativity here goes beyond that.
We are very similar to super heroes.
We love food and drinks, and we have figured out creative ways to experiment and make new stuff, especially with our drinks.
And guess what, they’ve banged! At least.. most.
Here are some locally made drinks that will switch up your taste buds once you try them.
Nigerian or not, you just have to respect these drinks.
Let’s start with the common ones, like Kunu.
It is made mostly in the North.
I would like you to know that a lot of Non-Nigeria have called this drink “The Nigerian Irish Cream”. Kunu is made with groundnuts and some rice, or tiger nuts. It is rich in Protein, Minerals and Fibre.
Let me just say it again, ‘The Nigerian Irish cream’. We. have. our. own. Irish. cream.
Palmwine. This drink is the daddy of all local drinks. It could be alcoholic or non-alchoholic.
So everyone and anyone can enjoy a little palm wine.
It is consumed in every part of Nigeria and is gotten from palm trees.
“No, we thought it was gotten from apple trees.”
Sorry, I was just informing you guys now.
Anyway, if you’ve ever had pap (aka Ogi) before. Then you need to try Adoyo. This drink is deceitful because it looks like pineapple juice from afar.
But It is nothing close to fruit juice. Be warned.
Even though it is made from pineapple, it is also made from Ogi, which is made from corn.
Just look at it.
If you haven’t tired it, well, now you have a reason to.
Another incredible drink is Omi Wara. It is drank majorly by the Northerners and is made from cheese and water. Some people will disagree with the fact that it’s an incredible drink.
But, one man’s meat..
Let’s talk about Nigerian Vodka for a second, aka Ogogoro. If you’ve ever heard the names; sapele water, push me I push you, I for don marry, kai kai, etc, they are all from the same family, and their surname is Ogogoro. It is made from ripe plantain.
This drink is NOT for children.
Another alcoholic drink is Burukutu. The production of this drink takes a rather long process because it has to ferment properly, for at least 48hours.
But it’s worth the wait, just not for people not old enough to drink alcohol obviously.
Finally we have something called Groundnut Milk Drink. It is is made from groundnut of course, and is very rich in protein. It’s basically groundnut and water.
It is that drink you’d want to have when the weather is cool.
There are a lot more drinks but let’s take baby steps and try these 8 first.
Just in case you are tired of combining your Jollof with dodo, there’s always coleslaw to come to the rescue. And if you really want to live your best life try combining all three.
If you are trying to use enjoyment to kill yourself, Jollof rice and asun is the best way to go.
Growing up, a number of games shaped our childhoods and frankly our whole lives. Tinko-tinko taught us pristine hand-eye co-ordination, Ayo sharpened our math skills. We are pretty sure this list isn’t exhaustive, but for me these are the most memorable childhood games I can remember.
Who is in the garden?
Who remembers how the chant went?
“Who is in the garden?”
“A little fine girl”
“Can I come and see her?”
“No no no no”
Suwe
To the ajebos its hopscotch but to me, it’ll always be Suwe. Who remembers slipping bits of chalk stolen from class to draw the lines for Suwe during break?
Ten-ten
For reasons I’ll never understand, this game was only ever played by girls. It was mad fun though.
After round one
This game was the bane of my existence because I always lost, but that didn’t stop me from playing it every day. I’d go home with my hands red and smarting but would still play it the next day.
When will you marry?
It’s funny how for me this went from being just a childhood game to a real-life question I’m asked every day.
Tinko-tinko
Your hand-eye coordination needed to be on point for this one. Miss a beat and you lose.
Name, Place, Animal, Food, Thing
Trying to fill out this form for X, U, V and Q used to be so hard.
Fire on the mountain
I remember never really running too far once I heard “There is fire on the mountain, run run run” so that I could easily get a partner once I heard “the fire is out”.
Boju-boju
You might know this one as hide and seek, but the real OGs remember this as boju-boju.
Form a big circle
This might not have exactly been a game itself but it was the start of all the greatest games from there is fire on the mountain to ‘who stole the meat from the cooking pot?’
I’m sure I left many out so please help me jog my memory!
Jollof rice is more than just a blessed delicacy from God himself…
It is a way of life. Just look at this.
Jollof Rice has proved its culinary excellence and has become so popular all over the world that there’s actually a day to celebrate it.
Yup, World Jollof Rice Day is actually a thing. If you’re curious as to what exactly makes this food so special, I’m going to give you 22 reasons… or ingredients.
1. Love and affection
I mean, this is why your mom’s Jollof Rice is still the best you ever had.
2. Experienced hands
Hands that are almost fireproof, and have evolved into automatic measuring machines.
3. Sweat
Y’all already know this is why proper party Jollof Rice tastes so much better than homecooked. 🌚 Ingredient X.
4. Firewood
If you want to make amazing Jollof Rice, you need to cook it with firewood. It’s in the Constitution.
5. Cast iron pot
Akon is from Senegal. What do you think he was talking about when he sang Pot of Gold?
6. Good rice
No matter your level of skill, if you do mistake and buy bad rice, your Jollof Rice is going to be bad, plain and simple. Shine ya eye.
7. Fresh tomatoes
Get those fresh, healthy-looking juicy tomatoes that usually come from the North. Just go to the market and ask for it.
8. Tomato puree
AKA tin tomato/tinned tomatoes. This is like the photoshop for Jollof Rice. It gives it an extremely attractive pop of colour.
9. Onions
The type that will make you shed tears at its beauty.
10. Scotch bonnet
AKA rodo. Because a little fire is good for the soul, and tastebuds!
11. Salt
I mean… This one is a given.
12. Chicken or beef
Because is your Jollof Rice really complete without ‘animal’?
13. Beef/chicken stock
Keyyy ingredient! The absence of this can spell doom for your Jollof Rice.
14. Vegetable oil
Preferably the one you just used to fry the chicken that has soaked up the spices.
15. Seasoning cubes
Because you need to season that rice well!
16. Bay leaf
For that extra, fabulous ‘scent’ and flavour.
17. Curry and thyme
This is a big part of what gives Jollof Rice that wonderful, endless flavour.
18. Cooking butter
This gives the Jollof Rice the most delectable texture!
19. Mixed vegetables
See ehn, Jollof Rice is an institution on its own. It doesn’t need to be messed with; it’s not fried rice. However, you can add mixed veggies if you want to give it small international exposure.
20. Dodo
Dodo is the perfect sidekick for almost any dish, but there’s just something about dodo and Jollof Rice. A match made in heaven.
21. Moi-moi
This one is for taste and nutrition balance and pure enjoyment.
22. Coleslaw/salad
Because it’s not a bad thing to use enjoyment to kill yourself.
Happy Jollof Rice Day! May the Jollof be with you. Let’s go out and celebrate!
East African food might be entirely new to the Nigerian palette, but I can assure you that you’re going to love these Kenyan dishes!
1. Ugali na Sukuma Wiki
The most popular Kenyan food, Ugali is a staple. It is made from cornmeal that is added to boiling water and stirred until it forms into a cake. When accompanied with beef, mushroom, fish sauce or sukuma wiki (green vegetable soup), this is one meal you’d like to try again.
2. Irio
Irio is a delicious local dish made of potatoes, peas, green vegetables and sometimes corn, that is boiled and then mashed. It is sometimes served with grilled steak called nyama choma. The combination is called Nyama na Irio. Irio can also be served with other Kenyan-style stews.
3. Githeri
Githeri is a delicious combination of beans, corn, beef, beef stock, potatoes and vegetables that are cooked in tomato sauce. It is usually served with either white bread or Swahili chapati. Chapati is Kenyans’ favourite bread, made with white flour, salt and oil.
4. Pilau
Pilau is rice flavoured with spices cooked in stock meat, chicken, fish or most especially, goat meat. Kinda like jollof rice. Totally delicious.
5. Matoke
Another Kenyan staple, Matoke is a delicious dish of plantain bananas that are cooked with some oil, tomatoes, onions, garlic, chilies, meat and lemon juice. The plantain bananas are cooked until very soft and it begins to form a thick, delicious sauce.
6. Maharagwe
Maharagwe is a sweet stew made up of red kidney beans cooked in coconut milk and spices. The coconut milk gives it a thick, buttery consistency and it is just perfect with some Chapati.
7. Nyama Choma
Nyama Choma is a delicacy of beef or goat roasted until very tender. Fish and chicken are also used. The meat is usually seasoned with salt and left to cook in its own juices, and it can be served with plain rice.
There are certain things which define Lagos we’ve all come to love and accept. There are its yellow buses and taxis, its traffic and the fact that it never sleeps. Asides these things, these places, and monuments have also come to define Lagos in such a way that Lagos could never be Lagos without them.
National Theatre
Show a picture of the national theatre to someone who has never been to Lagos and they’ll recognize it. The theatre is full of kiosks and bars that come alive in the night time.
New Afrikan Shrine
The Shrine is a cultural and music hub located in central Ikeja. People who don’t want you to enjoy Lagos will try to convince you it’s for bad gang only. Don’t listen to them, just show them this picture of Ambode and the President of France at Shrine.
National Stadium
The National Stadium is so much more than a bus stop at Surulere it’s one of the places that makes Lagos truly Lagos and the birthplace of some of Nigeria’s greatest sportsmen.
Lekki-Ikoyi Link Bridge
Even though it was only just commissioned in 2013, the link bridge has become almost synonymous with Lagos. Any new age Nollywood movie released after 2013 has a shot of the bridge in it. And any Lagosian trying to show off their Lagos to non-Lagosian always starts off with showing them a picture of the bridge.
Balogun Market
If you’ve never been to Balogun market please indicate so that we can seize your Lagos passport. Balogun is your go-to-market for everything you need from Ankara to Jeans from Mandilas.
Banana Island
The Narnia of Lagos, where all the big girls and big boys of Lagos aspire to live in. We’ve lost count of how many Nigerian artists have mentioned it in their songs.
Apapa Amusement Park
If you grew up in Lagos then we are pretty sure Apapa Amusement Park was one of the highlights of your childhood. The park was renovated in 2016 so now is a great time to go and relive your childhood.
Mr. Biggs
Although Mr. Biggs is now scattered across the country, it all started here in Lagos. Who remembers begging their parents to stop at Mr. Biggs after church on Sunday to buy their meat pie?
Mile 12 Market
Mile 12 is the number one market to buy foodstuff from. If you are planning an owambe and need to buy a basket of tomatoes just head straight to Mile 12. Mile 12 is where the market in your neighborhood goes to ‘buy market’.
Tafewa Balewa Square
Anywhere you see a picture of these four white horses you’d know its TBS in Lagos.
A lot of people think going to a private university in Nigeria is an easier path to higher education, but it’s really not. While the private university struggles might be different from public universities, they are just as annoying.
Look at these.
When people tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to be going to a private university.
Daily devotion
First of all, you don’t have to wake up everyday at 5am to the blaring noise of a public announcement system and the grating voice of ‘Sister Jane’ shouting at you to “come out for morning devotion!” Don’t angry me.
Church
But of course you still have to go to church like 4 times a week. When you’re not the child of the devil and you don’t want a demerit.
Demerits
Any small thing, the enemies of progress will just be writing your name like… And if you lose enough demerit points, you go on suspension o. There are more possible ‘crimes’ than points sef.
Lights out
Before I entered university, I thought this was just a secondary school stoffs. I was wrong.
Beard gang?
What’s that? My brother you better go and trim your hair and beard low before they wipe it like magic for you.
Monitoring spirits
I also thought monitoring spirits existed just in the supernatural, but this school has shown me that they walk freely among us, bearing titles such as ‘porter’ and ‘security’.
Accidental wardrobe malfunction?
“Give her a demerit! And one for you, and for you…” Could this be life?
Stabbing class
Wanna stab class? You can’t. Don’t even think about it, if you no wan chop punishment.
Parties
The party might have been over before your exeat even comes through. Waste.
Watching your friends flex
This is how you look at your friends’ social media after they’ve finished posting about the mad party that you couldn’t get exeat for.
And finally…
How you look in wonder at all the freedom and life that is outside your school walls when you go home on break.
Good amala is hot, light, fluffy and lump-free, a thing of beauty and joy, kind of like this.
When accompanied by gbegiri, ewedu, a delicious stew and various ‘animals’, it is a match made in culinary heaven!
If you don’t like amala, sorry for you. Your tastebuds need divine intervention.
And for the rest of us, let’s not go about wasting money on rubbish amala. These are the very best spots in Lagos to find finger-licking amala worthy of the gods.
Amala Shitta – 26 Rabiatu Thompson Crescent, Shitta, Surulere
This legendary amala spot is not anybody’s mate. Apparently, it’s been running since ’67! This is hands-down one of the best places to eat amala anywhere!
Actually quite close to Amala Shitta, this is like a newer-generation version. You go here for the excellent amala, as well as the AC and authentic environment.
White House – 9 Chapel Street, Sabo, Yaba
At the heart of the startup hub of Lagos, this place has saved many young, hungry workers from hunger and bad amala! The best in the area.
Amala Beljium is straight fire! You just have to look at the number of people rushing to get food there for you to be convinced.
Iya Eba – 10 Berkeley Street, Lagos Island
This is another legendary spot. The food is so gooood wow! You’ll just start marking daily attendance.
Yakoyo – Olabode House, 217 Ikorodu Road, Ilupeju
This place served me some of the best amala I’d eaten in a long time!
First Bank Amala – Marina Street, Opp First Bank HQ, Lagos Island
This is also known as Defence Park Canteen. Whatever the name, the quality of their amala is always consistent!
Amala Yahoo – Victoria Street, Mechanic Village, Ogudu-Ojota, Ogudu
I don’t even care how the name came about. All I know is that whenever I’m in the area, I stop and buy this amala. E come be like curse. Superb!
Topshot Amala – Parkview Estate, Ikoyi
There’s no bad and bougie when it comes to amala. Even our Parkview brothers and sisters need a little amala love, and Topshot is the bomb!
Hey, if you don’t agree with me, make your own list… in the comments below lol! Or just tweet me @zikokomag what spot you think should have made the list!
Uncle Yemi Osinbajo has done it again. This time, he has shown out for guys about the dreadful SARS situation.
Why does it seem like whenever Baba Bubs goes on one of his frequent medical trips, things just seem to work a little better? Somebody help me say political gimmicks good governance.
On Tuesday August 14, the Acting President aka Uncle Yemi gave directives to the Inspector General of Police, Ibrahim Idris to overhaul the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS).
We were shook!
Especially because all our complaints had always been brushed off as false or exaggerated.
— Abayomi Shogunle, 𝘧𝘴𝘪 (@YomiShogunle) July 26, 2018
Just a few weeks ago, Assistant Commissioner of Police, Yomi Shogunle still trolled Nigerians with this irresponsible tweet. He should better switch careers if he wants to be making silly jokes online.
Oh, you remember SARS, the police unit that was so infamous for their abuse of power and Nigerian citizens, we had to write you a survival guide?
This is just one of the many, many videos people have used to back their complaints. Let’s not even go into pictures and narratives. But we’re all lying, hey. The #EndSARS movement has been going for at least two years! Nonstop police brutality for two years.
While we’re overjoyed that our pleas and relentless #EndSARS campaign finally made some headway, we still have some doubts.
Way too many people have been unlawfully killed, jailed and extorted for us to just accept it, and things are often not what they seem in Nigeria. Gotta stay woke.
First of all, it is important to note that this overhaul doesn’t mean the police department is going to be scrapped.
This overhaul is more like a reform. In summary, the state SARS will be broken down and the officers reassigned to the already existing Federal SARS (there will only be FSARS). I know what you’re thinking, but chill. We are told that this is only going to be after investigations into the existing abuse allegations have been done, as well as mental evaluations and retraining.
Again, I know what you’re thinking, because even the Federal SARS people abuse the citizens.
The new FSARS is to be strictly intelligence-driven and their duties are to be restricted to the prevention and detection of armed robbery, kidnapping, and apprehension of offenders related to the stated offences. Nothing else.
At least that’s what they’re telling us. Me I’m only a reporter.
How are the illegal arrests going to stop, you ask?
Well, the new FSARS officers are now mandated to go about bearing proper identities. They will have a ‘new’ uniform so there will be no more random black-polo-clad-hoodlum-looking-ass-niggas jumping out of unmarked space buses. At least this will curb the possibility of the officers being impersonated by armed robbers and such. Also, THEY ARE NO LONGER AUTHORISED TO STOP AND SEARCH! Let’s forget the fact that I still saw the same SARS doing that just yesterday.
What can we do if we still get harassed?
Call the police lol. Honestly, I don’t have an answer for this. This is a commendable move on Uncle Yemi’s part, but we worry about the enforcement and implementation. Hopefully, this is not just another one of those reforms that don’t change anything at the end of the day.
And if you’re like me that is happy about this development but still believes this is just pre-election gra-gra and doesn’t trust anything this government does, I hope you’ve gotten your PVC o!
If you haven’t, there are two more weeks for you to register. Hurry! If you need any help, we gatchu!
Job hunting in Nigerian is an extreme sport and for you to survive you must be well equipped. Your most important weapon is your C.V. and we are here to help you make it the best it can be.
Every little detail you put in it counts. Because that extra little detail that may or may not be true can change your life.
You know your CV is incredible when you highlight the fact that you are a self motivated individual who can work without supervision.
True or false, it must be there o.
Even if you don’t consider yourself a young dynamic individual, you must add it too.
It doesn’t matter if you are 45, just add it. You are young at heart.
If the only thing you know how to use a computer to do is play Solitare, you must add that you are computer literate.
“Okay ma, but I have one question, what do they use PowerPoint for?”
After putting that you are proficient with Microsoft Word you also have to add that you are proficient with Microsoft Excel.
“Yes, ma, I’m excellent with Excel, I almost studied it in school sef. “
What of your skill set? You can’t leave it out. We know they are many but you must add everything.
Plus the ones you are still aspiring to have. Add them.
Next is the number of languages you speak. If you only have English on your C.V. then you are not ready for life.
German, French, Yoruba, Chinese, Hausa, Spanish, Ibibio put all of them. The only thing you know in French is ‘Bonjour’? still, add it.
Employers also want to know what your talents are. If you didn’t finish with a first class or 2.1, this is your time to shine.
My talents include but are not limited to multitasking, leadership, working hard, efficiency and so on and so forth.
You must also add the fact that you work well under pressure. Even if the office is on fire you won’t leave your desk, your work comes before your life.
I can handle anything and anyone anywhere at anytime.
When it comes to handling people, you are an expert at it. You are a people person, in fact people have told you to run for president.
I also have the right team spirit. Me alone I have team spirit for the whole team.
What of work experience? let them know that you are 22 years old and you have 12 years experience. True story, you’ve been working since you were 10.
In fact, I might even be overqualified for this role, I just want to help you, people, out.
And finally attach a cover letter to your C.V. saying ‘It would be nice for you to consider my Résumé and hire me’.
There’s a world of food beyond our country’s borders that Nigerians need to explore, and an unexpected place to start is with Gambian food.
Like most of West Africa, they eat a lot of rice, usually made with many spicy sauces and stews. Their cuisine is actually quite similar to Nigeria’s, so trust when I say you’ll enjoy it!
Benachin is basically Gambian Jollof rice. Just look at it! We die here. We’ve been arguing with Ghanaians for decades about who has the best Jollof rice, what we didn’t know is that Gambians could give us both a run for our money.
The easiest way to explain Superkanja to a Nigerian is by saying it’s Gambia’s version of the Nigerian okra soup. The thing sweet die! For real, you have to try this. While we would usually eat this with something like eba, Gambians say we should try it with rice.
Yassa is a popular and fantastic Senegalese and Gambian spicy dish. It’s made out of either chicken or fish and cooked with chilies, lime, onions, mustard and many other spices.
Mbahal is like the Nigerian beans and rice dish that left the country as a child and is now full grown. It’s cooked with smoked fish, groundnuts, locust beans, black-eyed beans, white rice and so many more yummy ingredients.
To say that we are tired of Nigerian politicians, might be the understatement of the year. But our biggest problem with Nigerian politicians might be the fact that they don’t seem to know what their jobs entail. Here’s every time we’ve caught them doing everything but their jobs.
Rauf Aregbesola playing dress up in school uniform
We asked around and nobody could figure out why this picture came to be. Was he trying to show the primary school students that he was one of them? Or helping them model their school uniform?
And here’s Rochas Okorocha roasting corn because what else is left to govern in Imo state.
You know all the roads are fixed, there are enough schools and hospitals the next thing the governor needs to be doing with his time is roasting corn.
Here’s Okorocha again in a school uniform supposedly teaching children.
What’s the need to employ qualified teachers to teach the children of Imo when he can do it himself.
Iyiola Omisore taking a joy ride on an okada
How else can Iyiola Omisore show that he’s truly a man of the people other than riding around on an okada?
When Rotimi Amaechi decided that being a governor wasn’t challenging enough for him, he decided to add hairdressing to his C.V.
Then there’s the time Dino Melaye decided that being a video vixen was his true calling.
You people are the ones forcing him to continue being a senator.
When Buhari decided that being president is merely a side gig and being a travel blogger is what he really wants to be in life.
Lagos today, London tomorrow. Baby boy goals.
When Fayose decided to become a tailor.
What a humble and hardworking politician, sewing his own clothes.
Here’s Fayose again selling ewa-agayin
At this point, we need to recognize that Fayose’s antics are a cry for help. Someone is clearly forcing him to continue being a politician.
When they decided to turn the senate building into a wrestling ground.
Can you see that their role models are Mohammed Ali and Bash Ali.
We know you as tired as we are of all theses Nigerian politicians as we are.
So if you still haven’t collected your PVC you had better go now, the deadline is August 17, 2018, so you know you don’t have a lot of time left.
If you are reading this, then you are one of the first people to know that Zikoko is about to start making videos again. It was a ton of fun the first time around and we know how much you guys missed watching these weekly gems.
The most exciting thing about the videos we’ll be making this time around is that we want YOU in them. Because honestly, the only thing more fun than watching Zikoko videos is being a part of them.
Before you ask, no we don’t have any money to pay you, but we can promise you loads of fun and free puff puff.
The truth is, we don’t just want you to be in our videos. We need you to be in them, and this right here is proof.
If you are in Lagos (yes, just Lagos we are sorry) and this sounds like something you’d be interested in, please just fill out this form real quick. We promise it’ll only take you 5 minutes.
And don’t be selfish, share this with that friend(s) who popped in your head once you started reading this post. The one you know would just love to be in our videos.
If you have Nigerian parents like mine, asking for money was most likely a grueling and almost terrifying task. You try to prepare and brace yourself ahead of time, but the where, when, why and how combo will always leave you stunned. Here’s a few of their excuses!
As you’re there shivering, they’ll just be looking at you like…
You think I have money growing in the backyard?
Ah ahn, mummy. Only sometimes, now…
What happened to the money I just gave you?
When you’re hit with this question, confusion just sets in! Even if it has been three months since and they ask you, just pull out a pen and get ready to do some accounting. You’ve entered it.
Eh ehn… With your grades?
“Is it with D- in mathematics that you want to collect money? You can calculate money but not ordinary simple algebra??? My friend clear off!”
“When you’re always pressing phone.”
“Why won’t you need money when you are always pressing your phone?” Everything bad in life is because of the phone they bought for you, anyway.
Haven’t you been eating in this house?
But when did I start paying for food nah??? Even when asking for your own money, you have to be careful if you want to keep eating. Issa scam.
What are you even using money for?
Na wah o… Where do I even start?
Go and meet your mother/father.
Even when they know the other person isn’t around. Ugh!
Why didn’t you tell me since?
“And I just finished spending all the money I had o. Sorry.” Chei! But why?
Come and sell me/turn me to money.
Caution! Do not proceed!! Retreat!!!
I don’t have.
Cheee! This is the answer you meet at the final level. The painful boss. No chance to beg further, no progress, no explanation, just… no. You cannot argue with this, even if you see them with tons of money. Just accept your fate and go away. Slap is real.
But last last sha, all is for home training and in good faith, because they struggle too. Shout out to our amazing folks!
Any Nigerian who lives in Nigeria knows that we are very special people with very peculiar characteristics. But even we were shocked by these things other Africans seem to believe about Nigerians.
Ghanians really believe that we don’t have the best Jollof on the continent.
Imagine the insult. Just look at this plate of Nigerian Jollof, how can you say it’s not the best.
That we are all fraudsters and scammers.
Just because of one or two yahoo boys we have scattered here and there. We are upstanding people, please.
That all our leaders are corrupt and all they do is embezzle money.
It’s not us that’ll dispute this one sha.
There is oil coming out of everyone’s backyard.
Even the one they said we have, we are yet to see the benefits.
That most of Nigeria looks just like Lagos.
We know you keep seeing pictures of this bridge in Lagos when you google Nigeria. Don’t let it mislead you this is not how the rest of the country looks.
That there are only three ethnic groups in the whole country – Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba.
There are a whole 250 ethnic groups, they don’t call us giant of Africa for nothing.
We are always happy.
No, we are not, epp us please, we are suffering.
That our men are very romantic.
Please don’t let Nollywood deceive you.
We have the best music in Africa, even though they don’t understand our lyrics.
We really can’t argue with this one, I mean we have Davido, Wizkid and Yemi Alade.
We are very arrogant
We might not have 24/7 electricity but I repeat, we have Wizkid, Davido and Yemi Alade why won’t our shoulders be up. Please don’t vex us.
We are louder and flashier than the average African.
We are very humble, again don’t let all these Nollywood movies deceive you.
We know we have a couple of non-Nigerians on here. What other crazy things do you believe about us?
Even though Nigerians are usually always trolling Ghanaians on social media, deep down we actually love them and their food.
Here’s a few dee-lee-cious Ghanaian foods that you as a Nigerian is sure to love.
Waakye And Shito
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bepc8ZvgBzn/
Waakye (pronounced wa-chayy) is an absolutely delicious Ghanaian dish of rice and beans. When served with the Shito sauce, your Nigerian mind will be blown, and you will shamelessly ask for more.
Banku And Tilapia
https://www.instagram.com/p/BlvlKUHHzGe/
Banku is a lot like fufu, made by fermenting corn flour. It can be eaten with different soups and stews, but when paired with Ghana’s much-loved tilapia fish, shito and vegetables… Now that’s a match made in culinary heaven!
Fufu And Light Soup
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bi_PwaZhjmr/
Ghanaian Fufu is commonly made by “pounding” cassava and unripe plantains together. When paired with Light Soup, you just know it’s about to go down! Light Soup is a really tasty tomato based soup that can be made with chicken, goat, or pretty much any other meat.
Palava Sauce
https://www.instagram.com/p/BT1eyNaAWk3/
This picture is enough to convince you to try this. Palava Sauce is a delicacy made with meats, fish, vegetables and crushed bitter lemon seeds. Basically Ghana’s version of the Nigerian egusi and I gotta say… This bangs! Pair it with whatever you want and enjoy your life.
Abenkwan Palm Nut Soup
https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ9zjdHDgMd/
Abenkwan Palm Nut Soup is a rich and totally delicious soup made with fresh palm nuts. If you’ve ever tried Banga soup, well… This is Banga’s twin that went to Ghana and started thriving. Too delicious. Pair it with your favourite swallow and chop like king!
Kenkey
https://www.instagram.com/p/BfEWE2kFe8Z
Kenkey is one staple Ghanaian dish you’ll be unable to get enough of. It’s usually made out of ground maize, wrapped in banana leaves and boiled. Kind of like moi-moi, if you are a moi-moi lover this just might replace moi-moi’s place in your heart.
In case you needed a little more motivation to try out any of these dishes, just watch this video of Waakye being made. Any Ghanaians on here? Did we leave any one out? Let us know!
I think by now we all know Nigerian men are mostly quite crafty, especially when it comes to relationships and women.
You’d think it would be just the single men, but the married men are outchea wilding as well.
It’s like they truly believe these are the last days of seven women to one man, even though there are more men in the world now.
The greedy men don’t care about their single brothers. No o. They just want to chop dey go and kobalize somebody’s daughter.
Shey, it would even be easier to spot who is who, but these married men have now decided to be removing their rings.
After many shattered hearts and dreams, Nigerian women have had to master their ways. Sholo stupid ni.
We’ve figured out a way to help you single ladies recognize when a married man is moving to you, even when he’s not wearing his wedding ring.
The jig is up.
When you go his house and you notice that it’s suspiciously bare, my dear flee, that man is married.
No personal effects, no pictures lying around. House looking like someone took their time to make sure that nothing could be traced. Hmm…
If he has been married long enough whether he puts on his ring or not, you’ll notice a patch of lighter skin around his ring finger.
Make sure you look out for it, he can hide his ring but he can’t hide his marriage.
Sometimes he might even just move the wedding ring to another finger and claim it’s just a random ring.
Don’t be deceived, that’s his wedding ring.
You’ll notice that he’s slightly balding, slightly pot-bellied and looks suspiciously close to your father’s age but he’ll still try to convince you that he’s not married.
My dear don’t listen to him, pick up your bag and run away. That daddy is a married man with four children and one of them might even be your age.
You’ll also notice that he really doesn’t like coming out in the daytime.
Na so so night waka in hidden places. He doesn’t want his wife’s family and friends to catch you people together.
When you ask him if he’s married and he’s too quick to say no, my dear that man has already taken someone else to the altar.
Before you even say ‘mar…’, he’ll have said: “Me ke, never o, I’m still searching for the right woman, maybe it’s you”.
You’ll notice signs of a female presence in his house that’s always conveniently a sister or a cousin but you’ll never meet said sister or cousin.
His wife is in the overseas for summer and he’s only using you as summer bae.
For some reason he has refused to invite you over to his house.
You’ve also noticed that he can only leave his house at certain times. Anything past 9 and he starts panicking about how he has to go home as if he has a curfew.
Finally, the easiest thing to do is look him up on the internet.
Even if he has covered his tracks, his wife and children haven’t. You are bound to find someone’s facebook page.
My sisters, if you have any other tips for us, please share o! Before we go and enter one chance. Tweet us @zikokomag!
We know how to get PVCs, but we thought, wouldn’t it be awesome to actually show everyone how our PVC experiences went?
“Hey guys, if you don’t have a PVC, don’t come to the office. Register to get your PVCs, and work remotely.”
That’s Tomiwa, our Captain and Chief Patriot. He already had his, so he just Situation Roomed us from the office.
A bunch of people on the team were on the hustle; Bankole, Toketemu, Folarin, Sade, Lanre, Sudeen.
So, how did the exercise go?
Time: 8:36am
Sudeen: “I’m at the INEC Office already. Got here before 8am sharp. My number is 96. This is Sudeen, reporting from INEC office in Iyana Ipaja, Lagos.”
Sade: Jesus. I guess I’m screwed.
Tomiwa Aladekomo: Content people, why is Sudeen, our Finance Manager outshining you in documentation of your experiences? Where’s everyone else? Still in bed?
Toketemu: We’re on our way!
What’s your struggle?
Fu’ad: I registered in Rivers State in 2011 and I’m not sure if I threw away my TVC or lost it. Apparently, I need to go and print my INEC details online first. So I’m somewhere trying to get it printed now. And I’m in Surulere.
Toketemu: Folarin and I are lost here. False stop.
Fu’ad: Lmao. I was there about an hour ago. There’s a designated INEC LGA office. It’s in Small London. (You can check the INEC office address in your LGA here.)
Time: 11.40am
Toketemu: This is Toke reporting live from Small London. For the record, Folarin and I walked from Masha to Small London. True patriotism right here.
Sade: Almost at Small London too.
Tomiwa: How’s it going?
Toketemu: There are about three lists and our names are on the third list but the officials are almost halfway through the first. The crowd doesn’t seem large, but apparently, there’s about 170 people on the lists. They’re on number 46 now. And they close at 3pm. (INEC announced new timelines for registration)
Toketemu: Officers in uniform get preferential treatment.
Ayoola: Elderly people too.
Time: 12:10pm.
Sudeen: It’s my turn now. I got my form now, about 4 hours later. Those of us with TVCs have different forms. They’ve been following the process since, not taking bribes.
Fu’ad: The process is a little broken. There’s a Telemundo element to my situation. I have no TVC, but I have my Voter Identification Number. To get a new TVC, I have to go to the Local Government I registered, but then I want to transfer. And I need a TVC to transfer. So, I’m just going to go back to INEC and cry.
Toketemu: Still here, waiting. They are still on the first list. This isn’t looking very likely.
Sudeen: Hey Fu’ad, don’t worry, it’s easy. Just go to the INEC website. As long as you’ve registered before, all you need to find your V.I.N is the state where you registered and your Date of Birth.
Tomiwa: I never changed my voting location, meaning that I spend every Election Day in the first place I registered, my parent’s. If there are easier locations to register in, might make sense to just hang with a friend or something on Election Day and use one of those.
Lanre: My case seems slightly easy. Lost my PVC so I simply need to do a printout of my previous PVC registration. And then get a police report and affidavit.
Bankole: Why is everyone in Lekki trying to register at the same goddamn place? Makes no sense.
Lanre: It’s the only location in Eti-Osa Local Government.
Time: 1:43pm
Sudeen: I’m done. I managed to get my wife to come along. Another girl came here, she’ll be 18 next week. They told her to come back only after she’s clocked 18. She also has to come back with her birth certificate.
Toketemu: It’s a bust here, told us to come back tomorrow morning the only chance you have is to come first thing in the morning. Then we thought if we got our names on the list today we’ll be attended to first in the morning but apparently, the rule here is new day new list. The process is way slower than I thought.
Time: 2.29pm
Fu’ad: Come back by the end of the year to get your PVC
Bankole: Hustle
Toketemu: Oh wow
Tomiwa: Nice. Did they give you the TVC as well?
Fu’ad: I have no need for it. My Voter information is online (without the photo). I printed it and gave them. This slip is all I need to show up with year-end to collect my PVC, according to the INEC official here.
I noticed it’s a very “Internet-friendly” process here. People who are transferring and don’t need new TVCs can just go online. But then again, maybe that’s my INEC place.
Bankole: THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED AT MY PLACE. They acted like they were doing people a favour. I mean, these people were like “we’ll attend to only 100 people today”
Fu’ad: Well, maybe that’s the number they might have the range for? I think it’s a general design problem with the process, and the people at the INEC office doing the registering are on the receiving end. I went in the morning and they were polite. I went in the afternoon, and they were cranky.
Tomiwa: I’m surprised Internet Cafe businesses haven’t sprung up to help people with this. Guess people don’t want to pay money to vote.
Bankole: They shouldn’t. And if you’re having obvious capacity problems, like only one registration point for a bigass LGA like Eti Osa, shouldn’t more be opened?
Tomiwa: Sudeen and his family are the winners of today’s sprint. Where’s Pepo and Eniola though?
Eniola:
The most important hacks you need to know:Find the closest INEC office to you and go there early, before 8am preferably.
Go with valid documents if need be,
Most importantly, for a more detailed walkthrough, visit getyourpvc.com, and in 5 minutes, it’s totally okay if you call yourself a PVC expert.
If you’ve already registered to get your PVC, tell us, how did your experience go?
Do you remember the Otedola Bridge fire from a month ago?
If you live in Lagos, you most likely heard about it, and haven’t forgotten since.
On the 28th of June in Berger, a moving petrol tanker caught fire due to an alleged brake failure.
It was devastating, horrific event. Twelve innocent souls lost their lives, and many more were injured and lost valuable property. You can read more about this here.
Our hearts still go out to the families of the deceased, the hurt and the traumatised.
So you can imagine how happy we were to hear that there would be a relief dinner to support them.
Some of our favourite chefs came together, and decided to use their talents to raise funds for the victims.
Really, not all heroes wear capes. Some wear aprons.
On the 28th of July 2018, nine of Nigeria’s leading chefs will prepare a nine-course dinner with 100% of the proceeds going to aid those affected by the fire.
The produce and ingredients have all been donated by some amazing businesses and farmers.
The produce has been locally sourced as well. Nothing used will be imported, even down to salt.
This is also an opportunity to showcase Nigerian cuisine and the fact that we have so much more to offer than negativity.
Newly opened fine-dining restaurant 788 On The Sea, Lekki has been so kind as to donate their space to host this fundraising dinner.
It really is going to be an experience worth it in every sense. 788 On The Sea is a beautiful space.
Come for some fine dining by some of Nigeria’s finest chefs in a beautiful space, while helping those in need out.
It really doesn’t get much better than this.
The tickets are N40,000 per head and include a champagne reception, as well as two glasses of wine. You can also book tables of six, eight or ten people.
I’m sure that we would all like to help out, but even if you can’t make it to the dinner, there’s still a way you can help.
Please spread the word with everyone you can think of. You never know who can help, or who would simply be interested in the dinner. It is also a way to appreciate the good these chefs are doing.
All Nigerians have a hate-love relationship with Danfo buses. On one hand, they get you to where you need to be and you are most likely to meet the most hilarious characters. On the other hand, you can be going somewhere early in the morning in your finest shirt now and Danfo will just help you tear it, or one conductor will conveniently forget to give you your 900 naira change.
Hate them or love them, Danfos are a cultural phenomenon in Lagos. If you close your eyes and try to conjure a picture of Lagos it’ll be impossible to imagine Lagos without the vibrant black and yellow of Danfo buses.
Perhaps the most interesting thing about Danfos is how much of a unique and artistic expression it is of its owner’s tastes.
You are most likely to find catchphrases, stickers or illustrations which express the owner’s preferences and beliefs. You are bound to see phrases like ‘God is in control’ or ‘Wabillahi Taofeek’ if the owner is religious. If the owner has a sense of humor then you are bound to see a punchline or two.
You can even tell what their taste in music is, by which artists they chose to advertise with stickers on their windows. We can bet you’d never see a sticker of Osupa and Pasuma on the same bus.
The only thing we might love more than the catchphrases and illustrations themselves would be the unique and creative designs in which they are usually created. Designer studio, Dá Design Studio, inspired by this decided to create a font design, aptly named Danfo STD and we couldn’t love it more.
Left to us we’d print everything in this. Imagine a t-shirt with the catchphrase ‘I can’t come and die’ written in this font?
What we are most excited about, however, is the fact that they are people out there who not only recognize the cultural importance of Danfos to Lagos *side eye to Ambo* but also decided to create something awesome out of it.
No matter where I go in this Nigeria (or outside), I will always look for good amala to buy. I’m now hunting down amala in Abuja.
Amala is my best friend.
Apparently, even my brothers and sisters up North have discovered the succulent beauty of this blessing.
So if you are passing through or live in Abuja but don’t know where to find good amala, here are some of the best places doing the Lord’s good work.
1. Iya Oyo Amala – 112 Idris Gidado St, Wuye
Even though it still maintains its buka identity, everybody from governors to regular folk like us comes here to buy some of the best amala in Abuja.
2. Amala Place – 67 Cadastra Zone, Mabushi
Amala place is a proper mama-put. And you know what they say about mama-puts – they make the best food. For real.
3. Amala Korner – Woodbridge Garden, Kur Mohammed Way, Behind Central mosque, CBD
This is a new-generation buka. The environment is quite nice, however, the food is even better.
4. Amala Coded – 4 Atakpame Street, off Adetokunbo Ademola Crescent, Wuse 2
This place has more ‘eatery’ vibes than buka, but trust me, the food is just as good! The place looks quite nice.
5. Amala Stodiez Garden – 11 Tafawa Balewa Way, Garki
This is a nice garden space that you can go to relieve stress, as well as hunger. Their amala bangs!
6. Kemi’s Delicacies – 16 Usuma Close, Maitama
This is actually open on Saturdays, unlike most bukas. However, the food is good enough for you to keep going back every weekend.
7. Biobak Kitchen – 1274 Nkwere Crescent, Garki
Biobak is a major step up from the average local buka. The environment is really nice, and their amala matches up well.
I’m still exploring some of the best spots, so if you know any, please share! You can tweet us @zikokomag!
West African countries have quite a lot in common when it comes to food and drink. Just see how many countries are claiming ownership of Jollof rice.
But there is also a lot of diversity we can’t help but appreciate. You probably already know what to eat when you travel across West Africa, but have you ever wondered what to drink? Check this out!
La Beninoise – Benin Republic
This is the official national drink, and definitely the cheapest beer to buy in Benin.
Zoom Koom – Burkina Faso
The traditional drink of Burkina Faso, zoom koom is a flour-based drink. It sounds a little weird, but it’s so delicious!
Grogue – Cape Verde
Cape Verde’s national drink is grogue – a rum distilled from sugar cane that has an alcohol percentage of over 40%! Honestly, the country sounds lit.
Bangui – Ivory Coast
Bangui is the national drink of Ivory Coast, and it is the local palm wine. It looks milky and is both bitter/sour and sweet.
Attaya – Gambia, Senegal
Attaya is a green tea and a way of Gambian and Senegalese life. It is served extremely hot, strong and sweet.
Asaana – Ghana
Asaana is a delicious Ghanaian drink made from fermented corn and caramelized sugar. It is absolutely refreshing and it tastes great.
Ginger Juice – Guinea
This is a Guinean drink that is everything you need it to be. It is the most delicious balance between spicy and sweet. Ask for it when next you’re in the region.
Lemongrass Tea – Liberia, Sierra Leone
This drink tastes as good as it smells… maybe better lol. This drink is a favourite in Liberia and Sierra Leone.
Sweet Tea – Mali, Mauritania
Mali and Mauritania have a sweet green tea culture. It is served three times from the same pot; the first is bitter as death, the second is slightly sweetened like life, and the third being as sweet as love, as is popularly said.
Biere Niger – Niger
Although alcohol is restricted in Niger, its national drink is Biere Niger, and it is actually quite good.
Ogogoro – Nigeria
This is a very potent alcoholic drink that is distilled from fermented Raphia palm tree juice. Advance with caution.
Saint Helena – Tungi Spirit
Tungi is an alcoholic drink distilled from the cactus pear fruit. It is very strong, so make sure you’re careful with this.
Sao Tome and Principe – Palm Wine
This is a delicious sour/sweet alcoholic drink made from the sap of certain palm trees. You can pretty much find this across West Africa.
Sodabi – Togo
And finally, we have Sodabi. This is a liquor made by distilling palm wine. It’s an award-winning drink, so you can guarantee that it’s good!
What drink are you most interested in trying? And if you’re a connoisseur, what drink would you recommend? Tweet us @zikokomag!
If you prowl these Nigerian Internet streets like I do, or even just watch TV, you’ve probably heard about/seen Lara And The Beat.
Here’s the trailer!
Personally, from the trailer alone, I really want to watch this.
I mean, I have a few questions…
Why so beautiful
Seyi Shay and Vector Tha Viper star in this movie. These are two of our music industry’s most attractive people right now, so ONE TICKET PLEASE! Like, everyone in the cast is gorgeous!
Apart from Vector making our hearts go gbim-gbim in this movie, I have another question:
He can act??? Wawuu… I hope I’ll even be able to focus on the movie and not his smile or his- *clears throat*
It’s really looks like a beautiful, dreamy story
Did you see those outfits and locations, lighting and the beautiful faces?! Even the storyline seems like one of those type stories that leaves you wishfully smiling all through.
Chinedu Ikedieze
I will watch anything that Chinedu Ikedieze acts in, plain and simple. Plus, that slap!
What the hell was that song that Seyi Shay was singing loool?
This is like the most important question to me, to be honest. Whattt???
The quality looks really good!
From the shots and a cast of powerhouses like Chioma Akoptha, Uche Jombo, Chinedu Ikedieze, Wale Ojo and so many more, at least I know that I will get quality!
This is a very feel-good movie but it doesn’t feel dead. Might there be something to learn here?
Anyhow sha, it’s the weekend, so let me go and check out what’s really going on with Ms. Lara Giwa.
Who’s going to see Lara And The Beat? Let me know what you guys think about it!
Yet another payday is always upon us and we can’t hide our excitement.
We know it’s very hard, actually scratch that, it’s almost impossible for any of us to make our salaries last till payday. But we’ve got a few tricks up our sleeves that might just help you out.
Always remember that there is rice at home.
If you want to save money on food, the next time you drive past your favourite restaurant, just remember that there’s rice at home.
Record all your expenses.
Seriously, even the 200 naira you used to buy gala and lacasera in traffic, put it down somewhere. Review it at the end of the month so you can figure out where your excesses lie.
Put some of your salary in a place you won’t be able to touch it.
Decide on a percentage you want and keep that away every month. You know you are only deceiving yourself using a bank account you have an ATM card for, to save some of your salary.
Just start saving the money right now.
You can start with as little as 50 naira a day and go from there. Or the 100 naira you use to buy pure bliss in traffic every day, save it and go and eat rice at home.
Enter your kitchen and cook.
The 500 naira you are giving to Iya Bas everyday at lunch might not seem like much, but it adds up.
Make a budget.
Just using your mouth to say you won’t finish your salary doesn’t work, we know you know it from experience, so make a strict budget and stick to it.
Don’t be shy to take advantage of discounts.
Whether it’s Jumia Black Friday or Instagram giveaways, sign up for everything that’ll help you save your salary.
Stop the impulse buying.
You don’t need those shoes you saw on Instagram just because it’s half off, or that t-shirt you saw on Twitter that you’ll only wear once. Keep your money.
It’s not by force to go out, not everyday 57.
Don’t let all those friends whose middle names are Dangote drag you down. Sit in your house.
Have any other tips or tricks you swear by? Share them with us now, don’t be stingy.
Breakups can be hard and messy, but they don’t always have to be that way. If you are stuck in a relationship you can’t seem to get out of we are here to help. We’ve come up with 10 spirit-filled excuses to get you out of it easily. Afterall who can argue with God?
“The Lord told me in a vision that you are not my missing rib”
Nobody is at fault here, it’s the Lord’s will and you can’t question the Lord’s will.
“I prayed about it and I don’t see you in my future”
Our destinies are just not aligned.
“My pastor said I should tell you that we are not compatible”
This is for your own good, don’t you want to be with someone you are compatible with?
“It was revealed to me in a dream that your soul mate is still on the way”
I’m only breaking up with you, so that you don’t miss your soulmate.
“It’s not as if I want us to break up, I just received a vision that we must break up”
It’s really out of my hands.
“I just want to focus on building my relationship with my Lord, God, Jesus Christ.”
The Lord is good all the time, and all the time the Lord is good.
“God revealed to me that it’s your best friend I’m supposed to marry in a dream last night”
There’s honestly nothing I can do about it.
“I see you as a sister in the Lord and so it’s not right for us to continue dating”
Let’s just focus on serving God.
“I just want to spend more time with God”
Abi do you want to come in between me and my God?
“It’s like God wants to call me into his service, I can feel it coming”
There won’t be space left for you once it happens.
“I don’t think we are equally yoked’
And God said we shouldn’t be with people we aren’t equally yoked with.
You tell me what other food is this delicious, and versatile. Ewa agoyin with agege bread, plantain, garri, yam…
2. Ekpang nkukwo
Also known as food of the gods, ekpang nkukwo is royal yam pottage. A chief. Chairman, sir.
3. Garri
Garri is a true Nigerian champion. Also known as cassava flakes, this can be drunk, moulded into eba, sprinkled on beans, made into a “cake”… The possibilities are endless.
4. Agege bread
Agege bread is not just any bread. Delicious, stretchy especially when warm, filling, perfect texture… this is the godfather of bread. You can eat it with stew, eggs, beans, peanut butter… you can even eat it alone!
5. Indomie
Indomie is a Nigerian childhood delicacy. You’d think we’d be tired of it by now, but when a food is this versatile and delicious, you eat it forever.
6. Tuwo shinkafa
A lot of you don’t know the wonder that is tuwo shinkafa, and that is entirely your fault. Aswearrugad, this food doesn’t get the recognition it deserves.
7. Roasted yam and pepper sauce
A lot of us just walk past these people selling roasted yam, not realising the wonder we’re ignoring. I used to be like that too, until God opened my eyes and mouth.
8. Nigerian party Jollof rice
Call it by the right name. This can never be overrated or even appropriately rated, so don’t even argue. King J.
What underrated Nigerian food did I miss on this list?
I’m not saying that I go to weddings because of food, but if there’s no food, I’m not going anywhere! If you’re someone like me, then I’m sure you’ve noticed these stages of getting food at Nigerian weddings.
Like, we all know that after small dancing, they will serve food. So tell me why you’re delaying my joy with your dance if you’re not wicked.
All of us have almost died, but you’re there doing shoki.
When they finally bring the food out, but keep skipping you.
Eskis me, sah. Am I invisible?
When the hunger gets too much, you just have to find the person that invited you.
See how your people are doing me. I’m hungry, epp.
When the waiter eventually heads your way to take your order.
Then comes back again and again… for the same order.
The same waiter comes back with a tray high above his head, and you’re excited for your food.
Only for him to lower it and give you water.
Then the gods finally smile on you and they bring you small chops.
Wawu… So I survived this torture?
Finally, they bring the jollof rice to your table.
By this time, you’re already shaking. And as your fate will have it, the plates finish before they reach you. You want to start shouting, but home training.
The waiter comes back with his tray, only to give you yam pottage and tell you that jollof rice has finished.
Whattt??? Jesus, is this a heart attack?
Have a wedding food nightmare story? Share with us, let’s laugh at you too!
We can all say that Croatia played the game of their lives against France. But the thing about football is this;
If you like play with your heart and soul, if the ball doesn’t enter the post, there’s no point.
So, Croatia might have played a great game, but France scored more goals. Now, what I have to say might sound a bit wild.
But I want to point out the fact that France didn’t really win the World Cup.
When half of your team consists of Africans, who does the cup really go to? Be honest o.
Africa? Yes! Africa. All of us.
I could decide to give an analysis of every single African player on that team.
But we are going to sleep here. I promise you.
The most important thing you need to know is that from Mbappe to Pogba to Kante and Lemar, Mendy, Matuidi, Rami, Umtiti, Mendy, N’zozi, and many others are all Africans.
Infact, Lemar is half Nigerian. I’m so emotional right now
So we can also say that somehow, Nigeria won this Cup too.
Oh, I’m so proud to be Nigerian.
Infact I’m sure if we dig deep, we would find out that Pelé has African genes somewhere somehow.
Just think about this, what is Pele in Yoruba? I won’t say more than that.
Let me tell you the bitter truth, it’s okay to disagree. But just know that almost every legend in the history of legends comes from some part of Africa.
I can start mentioning names, but I don’t want us to divert.
Let’s place our focus on what is important for today. Africa borrowed France the World Cup.
Not only are we skilled, we are also generous. Wow. A whole continent.
On a serious note, whether we like it or not, Qatar 2022, Nigeria is bringing that cup home. I’m saying it with my chest.
Okay maybe just half of my chest.
I think before we end this, it’s important that we congratulate France properly.
So dear France, congratulations. You have done well.
But if you actually think Africa deserves all the accolades raise your hand.
In Nigeria, We don’t celebrate things like Halloween or Friday the 13th, because see, the amount of scary things and bad luck in this country is already enough.
How will I even be celebrating bad thing? God forbid.
It would be nice to explain how and why Friday the 13th is nothing compared to just living in Nigeria everyday of your life.
Friday the 13th ko
You know you have bad luck when you close your eyes on Friday night and just like that, it’s Monday when you wake up!
What did I do to deserve this oh God.
Anyway, You’re up on that monday, rushing to work. “Ojota, yaba, yaba, enter with change o”. You’re in the bus and suddenly, the bus starts shaking, and gbam! it stops.
You’re going to work in legedez benz. Talk about bad luck.
While you are on your walk. From no where, at all, the clouds are getting dark, you start 100m race, but the rain is faster than you.
So you give up and continue a miserable walk in the rain. At least you finally get to the office in wet clothes.
After work, because you don’t want the rain to finish your life again, you take a cab or at least follow your friend who owns a car. Then SARZ stops you.
You know how that story goes.
Let’s talk about the mother of all bad lucks. When your mother tells you to sweep her room, but you’re watching football and forget.
May that not be your portion.
She comes back and meet’s her room unswept. See, just put yourself up for adoption.
because once you hear your name once you are finished. It’s is like a real life horror movie.
“so as we round up, I have to say..” if you’ve never heard a pastor say this, then you don’t go to church. This is a church members worst nightmare because you’re gonna hear it at least 6 more times before church actually ends.
Can I get an Amen?
Now just imagine something happening to our greatest National treasures. Ha! That’s Nigeria’s worst nightmare.
Whatever we all do, we have to join forces to protect Wizkid and Davido, Simple.
Let’s talk about your own personal treasure, you know when your salary finishes 1 week after you collected it. That’s when you know the real meaning of fear.
“hello guy, abeg that 50naira I borrowed you on thursday, please I need it.”
And if you ever want to get your heart broken, just try to check your account balance.
Ha! See, from bad luck to bad mood, to bad day. Everything will just be somehow
Living with a condition called the inability to dance shaku shaku leaves you in fear everyday. Seeing people who are so skilled at the art of shaku shaku showing off everyday.
Oh dear insecurity.
Another really deep fear that scares every Nigerian right now is the possibility of Buhari winning the coming elections again.
God forbid bad thing. But at least you can prevent that by knowing how to get our PVC here.
And the greatest of all these fears is sleeping and waking up and still finding yourself in Nigeria.
“Please let me just go back to sleep. If you wake me up again ehn”
Oh, before I forget, happy Friday the 13th!
Don’t be too scared to tell me what scares you the most about being a Nigerian.
Nigerians love to dance, for sure! From time, we’ve always come up with amazing moves to go with catchy tunes, but I’m going to tell you about some of the most popular ones from say, the last twenty years, and the artists that made them so popular.
Makossa
If you’re Nigerian, you’ve definitely bust this move before. No need to talk too much. This move that Awilo Logomba popularised over Nigeria and other parts of Africa like a virus! You’ll definitely still see a few people do this dance.
Galala
Hoo mai gosh, Daddy Showkey was a beast with the galala! He had everyone and their uncle trying to do it, even though we all knew it was for the more flexible of us. Still, this is another move that still creeps into modern Nigerian dance.
Suo
Suo came in and booted galala out of the game. Popularised by Marvellous Benjy, this move curiously resembles the movement you make when pulling a generator. Anyhow, the song and dance became extremely popular, and live to this day.
Yahoozee
Olu Maintain came with the Yahoozee song and the accompanying dance, and Nigerians went crazy! Although it’s not so popular these days, the dance spread like wildfire.
Alanta
Loool this is actually a dance of madness, and Artquake made sure that Nigerians caught the bug. Moving like you’re putting a fire on your clothes out, this is still done today!
Etighi
Even though Etighi is a traditional dance from the Calabar/Akwa Ibom region of Nigeria, a lot of people didn’t know this until Iyanya came and spread it across Nigeria with his song, Kukere. It burned really brightly but died just as quickly.
Skelewu
Kindly brought to us all by Davido, he taught us how to do this move which quickly caught on, especially because of his similarly titled, catchy song.
Shoki
Lil Kesh really made his mark with this one. This shoki dance and song spread like a viral infection. Still one of the most expressive and creative dances, shoki took over all other Nigerian dance steps.
Shaku Shaku
This one, we’re still in the middle of. Popularised by such songs as ‘Shepeteri’ and ‘Legbegbe’, all you need to be able to do this is a lot of coordination and a lot of creativity. Not much.
Whether you work in a small office or a big corporation, you’re definitely going to meet all sorts of people. Here are 10 types of people you probably have in your office right now!
1. Early birds/night owls
You know, those people that are always the first in and last out. The ones that’ll have you wondering if there is someone chasing them from their houses. You’re making the rest of us look bad, uncle!
2. Perpetual latecomers
Loool those ones that can’t be on time to work unless by a divine act of God. They are usually the most creative people because they have to come up with a new lie every day.
3. Style icons
These ones don’t come to play; they come to slay. Our colleagues that even on casual Fridays wear three-piece suits and six-inch heels with full makeup. You’ll just be looking at them and thinking “you have power o…”
4. Always sleepy
These ones are always ‘offline’. Small quiet like this, or if the boss steps out, they’re already making their way to dreamland. It’s an amazing something.
5. Chatterboxes
The ones that if you mistakenly even look their way, they will start talking about any and everything. Just shoot me!
6. Forever cold
Even if it’s 80 degrees outside, there is always that one colleague that is always cold. Always. Any small thing “please put off the AC now. You want to kill somebody?”
7. Office gossip
The way these ones are always gathering and spilling tea, you just have to wonder how they get anything done. You’ll even start to fear them because their powers are too great for you to comprehend.
8. Salespeople
Then we have the salespeople. The ones who have great entrepreneurial spirits and are always selling one thing or the other. They’ll try to sell every useless trinket, and try to pressure or guilt you into buying. No, bro.
9. Assistant boss
These are the guys that once given a little responsibility, let it get to their head and they start feeling like the boss. If I slap you ehn, your swollen head will reduce.
10. Ghost worker
Now, these ones are the people that if you see them in your office, you wonder if there’s a new employee, even though they’ve been working there for 3 years. They’re so quiet and reserved, they’re pretty much invisible. Ghosts.
If you happened to skip the topic, I’d fill you in. There is a picture currently disturbing the internet.
It’s a picture of Cardi b when she was a little kid.
“Okay, but why is this my business?” I’d tell you why.
It’s simply because this picture takes you right back to when you were younger.
It’s accurate in every sense you could possibly think of.
For example.
My mummy said I should tell you that..
..you must play with me.
Aunty, I should write the names of noise makers?
Abi?
You were making noise.
That’s why I wrote your name.
Ahn ahn uncle but that’s not how they taught us in school.
Mummy I think my lesson teacher is teaching me rubbish.
My daddy said that when I enter secondary school.
He will buy phone for me.
Good afternoon ma,
My mummy said I should tell you that she’s not around.
Don’t tell mummy I brought a girl to the house o.
Okay brother.
Mummy welcome,
Uncle Ayo said I should not tell you that he brought a girl to the house.
Uncle Ayo, Mummy said you should change it to cartoon for me.
You’ve been watching ball since morning.
Aunty,
Please I want to go and wee wee?
They gave me injection in the hospital, I did not even cry.
It was not even painful
Ha! You’re telling lies.
All liars shall go to hell and perish in the lake of fire.
In Jesus’ Name, I pray my mummy will not die, I pray my daddy will not die, I pray my sister will not die, I pray my brother will not die, I pray my friends will not die, I pray my teacher will not die.
In Jesus’ name I’ve prayed.
Before we close, let’s say a prayer for Cardi as she has brought some joy to the internet with this picture.
Also, because she’s going to deliver her baby girl veryyyy soon.
Life in Lagos can be difficult and stressful but don’t let that distract you from the fact that it’s possible to use enjoyment to kill yourself in this same Lagos? And the best part? You don’t even have to spend money.
Gate crash somebody’s owambe. Make sure it’s not one that is strictly be invitation to avoid disgrace.
Is anything better than free food and drinks? If you hustle well you’ll even collect souvenir too.
Go to your nearest bar anytime Nigeria is playing in any football tournament and just sit down. Once Nigeria scores, someone is guaranteed to buy beer for everyone in the bar.
Visit tourist attractions. You might die in Lagos traffic but don’t worry it’s all part of the experience.
It’s only in Lagos you can witness a danfo scratching a Ferrari, you can’t get that kind of entertainment anywhere else.
Take a tour of all the suya spots in your area and finesse your way to getting free suya.
So this is how it’s done. Buy a bottle of coke and go from suya spot to suya spot asking for ‘tasting’. By the time you check out ten spots, you’ll be well fed.
Go to the New Afrikan Shrine and just soak up the great vibe and music it has to offer.
If you go on a Sunday you get to see the legendary Femi Kuti perform for free.
Complete the cultural experience of visiting Shrine with a trip to Kalakuta museum where Fela’s spirit lives on.
There’s also a bar in the museum, if you are sharp you can finesse your way to free beer.
If you like Shrine you’ll also like Freedom Park in Lagos Island.
There is almost always a live music performance going on for you to enjoy. There are also several food courts you could buy food from, but that’s not what you are there for so pack rice from your house.
Are you even a Lagosian if you’ve never been to one of the beaches?
Pick a weekend to go and dig your feet in the sand and take a dip in the water.
Go and learn about Nigeria’s history at the National Museum. It’s completely free.
It’s not everyday chop life. Some days educate yourself.
But the ultimate way to enjoy Lagos? Just don’t leave your house. What are you looking for outside? Isn’t there rice at home?
We’ve done the math and if you don’t leave your house in Lagos you won’t spend up to 2k a day. If you don’t want to spend any money at all, then Lagos is not the place for you. Have you considered moving to Ibadan?
The visa application struggle is very real with our not-so-much-loved Nigerian passport, and a lot of us have learned that the hard way. However, there are still a few countries that will have us with no hassle! Check out these African countries you can visit visa-free.
Thank God, sha. We never cast for here.
1. Cape Verde – West Africa
A former Portuguese colony, this beautiful island country is located on the West African coast. The official language is Portuguese, and the national language is Kriolu. Cape Verde has amazing weather and is a great choice for a visit.
2. The Comoro Islands – East Africa
Comoros is a constellation of islands off the south-east coast of Africa, east of Mozambique and north-west of Madagascar. Although The Comoro Islands is listed as visa-free for Nigerians, we still have to get visas on arrival. Life. There are lots of exciting touristy things you can do on the islands, so you should definitely check it out.
3. The Gambia – West Africa
Africa’s smallest country, The Gambia is absolutely beautiful and is known for its diverse ecosystems around the central Gambia River, abundant wildlife, beaches, and so much more. It has it all. Nigerians can visit The Gambia visa-free for up to 90 days.
4. Ghana – West Africa
As part of ECOWAS benefits, Nigerians can enter our sister country visa-free, but sometimes, visas may be given on arrival. Ghana is famous for its slave-trade historic artefacts, beautiful beaches and parks, and Shatta Wale lol. You should definitely visit.
5. Kenya – East Africa
Kenya is a beautiful country with incredible wildlife. Nigerians can visit for up to 90 days, visa-free. From fun rides through the safari to snorkelling, Kenya is one of Africa’s most impressive vacation locations.
6. Madagascar – East Africa
Madagascar is situated off the South East coast of Mozambique and is the world’s 4th largest island. Different species of palm trees surround the waters and you can go swimming or snorkelling in the Indian Ocean. In Madagascar, Nigerians receive visas on arrival.
7. Chad – Central Africa
Chad is located in the central African region and is home to a wide variety of wild animals. You can visit Chad visa-free and can pay a visit to the Zakouma National Park which has 44 species of large animals and many species of birds. There are also many interesting sandstone formations.
8. Mauritania – West Africa
Mauritania a beautiful desert country situated between Morocco, Mali, Algeria, Senegal, and the sweep of the Atlantic Ocean. On arrival, Nigerians can acquire a visa. You can cross the desert on a camel, or explore Chinguetti, an impressive “Old City”; a crumbling, sandstone village, with various antiquated mosques and a few libraries.
9. Mauritius – East Africa
Mauritius is a gorgeous island nation located along the coast of the Indian Ocean, off the southeast coast of Africa. Mauritius is an English/French-speaking country with a tropical climate, clear and warm sea waters and beaches. A perfect romantic getaway spot, you can go snorkelling, swimming or scuba-diving. For 90 days, Nigerians can visit Mauritius visa-free.
10. Seychelles – East Africa
Seychelles is located off the coast of East Africa in the Indian Ocean and is bordered by other islands like Zanzibar, Madagascar and Mauritius. The beautiful country of 115 islands boasts of a diverse blend of cultures and has some of the best beaches in the world. It offers Nigerians a visitor’s permit for one month.
I discovered some strange facts about Nigeria and it’s people and I couldn’t keep them all to myself.
Because where’s the fun in that?
I have to tell you that everything you’re about to read is 100% true.
I’m saying it with my chest.
Have you ever wondered if greatness could sometimes be a family thing?
Like you can just be great because your family has symptoms of greatness ?
So it turns out Fela Anikulapo Kuti and Professor Wole Soyinka were cousins. Two of Nigeria’s Greatest men.
Yup, Fela’s father and Wole Soyinka’s mother were siblings.
Ladies, according to the Nigerian “Breach of Contract to Marry”, if a man proposes to you, and suddenly calls off the marriage…
…you can sue his sorry ass.
In 1964, Edna Park who was Nigeria’s representative at Miss Universe fainted when her name wasn’t called as a finalist.
The judges audacity.
Should we talk about football for a minute?
Ohh yeahhh
In 1964, the Nigerian civil war had to be stopped for 2 days, because Nigerians wanted to watch Pelé play.
You guys, Pelé is the god of Football. Argue with Maradona.
Also, Nigeria’s first world cup goal was in 1994 and they finished Bulgaria with a sweet 3-0. The late Rashidi Yekini scored our first goal ever.
See, sometime’s I just wish I could rewind time small.
Let me tell you about Nigeria in the 70’s.
You’re not ready for this, trust me.
In the 70’s, Nigeria had one of the strongest currencies in the world.
60kobo = $1
In the 70’s, there was actually constant power supply in the entire country.
I mean NEPA almost never took light. Believe it or not.
During that same period, there were literally excess jobs in Nigeria.
See why I said I wish we could go back in time a bit?
Finland even used to say Nigeria was “A future world power”
And Yakubu Gowon said our only problem is how we spend money.
Fast forward to 2018, It was announced on the 25th of June that Nigeria has become the country with the highest number of poor people in the world. We beat India to it.
I truly do not know what to say.
Anyway, moving on to some weird stuff. In 2009, a goat was arrested by the Nigerian police.
I don’t mean goat like a legend. I mean goat like goat. Animal.
So, a man tells the police someone tries to steal his car but was caught and tried to run away. The man believed the thief turned into a goat because well, the thief disappeared.
What’s the logical thing to do? Obviously, arrest the goat.
While goat’s are going to jail, humans are barking to death. Okay so, In 1953, the Alaafin of Oyo visited Bode Thomas who was a Lawyer and Chairman, Oyo divisional council.
Political brothers supporting each other.
Things went south quickly when Bode Thomas insulted the Alaafin for standing to greet him. I mean, Sho mo age mi ni?
As soon as the Alaafin left, Mr Bode starts barking like a dog, non stop. while he was still barking, He died the next morning.
I’m going to end with this story most of us have probably heard before. If you’ve never heard about Daniel in the Bible.
Let me give you a vague summary, He was a man who stayed with lions, interacted with them and came out alive.
Daniel Abodunrin, who was a Nigerian prophet tried to recreate the story above by entering the Lions den in a zoo in Ibadan.
They ate him up. It’s not funny.
“Wait wait wait, Nigeria is somehow o, what’s that thing you were saying about PVC?”
Nollywood has come a really long way, and that is greatly due to the amazing work of some iconic actors and actresses. We grew up with these stars, and we absolutely love and appreciate their work. Keeping up with them, we look at where some of them are now.
Clarion Chukwurah
If you ever watched Nollywood movies back in the day, there’s no way you don’t know the beautiful Clarion Chukwurah. Always playing interesting and daring roles, the award-winning actress who is also the mother of popular music video director Clarence Peters, is currently living her best life in the United States, doing great humanitarian work.
Richard Mofe-Damijo
Ah, RMD… Nollywood’s Denzel Washington. He’s a handsome award-winning actor and former Delta State Commissioner for Culture and Tourism. He’s still acting and on our screens, much to our delight.
Eucharia Anunobi
You can’t not know Eucharia. Her roles were so daring and exciting! She’s a true screen goddess. The beautiful actress is now a pastor at a church in Egbeda, Lagos.
Saint Obi
You should know this name, as well as the face. Obinna Nwafor, who is more popularly known as Saint Obi, is one of those Nigerian actors that you just had to look out for back in the day. He was in everything! Lucky for us, even though his main focus now is business, he still graces our screens.
Liz Benson
Another absolutely beautiful screen goddess, Elizabeth Benson is also a philanthropist, but best of all, she still acts!
Pete Edochie
Chief Pete Edochie is an award-winning actor, considered one of Africa’s most talented, and one of Nigeria’s favourites, despite his many roles as a wicked/evil man. He has given us many funny quotes and memes, and we absolutely love him! Although he no longer acts like before, we’re quite happy to know that he’s alive and doing well.
Patience Ozokwor
Patience Ozokwor is a musician, fashion designer, gospel singer and award-winning actress. Like Pete Edochie, she has played a lot of wicked/evil roles, but we still love her like that! She’s an evangelist now, but she still acts, to our great delight. She’s definitely one of Nigeria’s most talented actresses.
Sam Dede
Sam Dede is an award-winning actor, director, politician and lecturer. He has starred in such iconic movies as Issakaba and Igodo, so you just know that this man was badass back in the day! He is currently a senior lecturer of Theatre Arts at the University of Port Harcourt but still acts from time to time, and is doing quite well.
Regina Askia
When you think of Regina Askia-Williams, I’m sure stunning beauty first comes to mind. An ex-beauty queen, Regina shot to fame as the Most Beautiful Girl In Nigeria in 1989, then went on to become an award-winning actress. She is now a family nurse practitioner in the US, a healthcare and educational activist, television producer, writer, and public speaker.
Zack Orji
Zachee Ama Orji was one of the ultimate baby boys that year. He is an award-winning actor, director, producer and filmmaker, as well as a pastor. He still graces our screens, and is even better than before!
Ever see a picture like this and think to yourself ‘I just can’t wait to have my own baby’.
Well, the next time one of these kind of pictures comes your way, these ten things will make you close your eyes.
First of all cerelac is expensive.
You yourself are you eating three times a day, yet you want to go and look for another mouth to feed.
Pampers is also expensive and you can use up to ten in one day.
Let’s even forget the price for a second first. Imagine having to look at, smell and change this all day every day.
From socks to baby stroller there is nothing that’s not expensive.
So take a look at your account balance are you really ready for a baby?
Can you even afford school fees?
Sit down and do the maths well. You’ll pay school fees for nursery school, primary school, secondary school, university and maybe even masters. Can you really afford it?
Sleep will become a thing of the past.
You’ll be lucky if you even get up to 4 hours a night.
If your house used to look like this before.
All clean and sparkling.
From the moment you have a baby this is how it’ll start looking.
Don’t even bother trying to do something about it, nothing will work.
What of all those night outs with friends?
Dead and gone. You are back to being a teenager with a curfew.
Before you have your own baby spend the whole day with someone else’s child.
Remember that feeling of relief you had when you returned the baby to its owner? Yeah, you’ll never have that again. There is nobody to return anything to.
Ever seen a birthing video before?
Please go and watch one then come back and tell us if you still want to have a baby.
Now that you are done with this list do you still want a baby?
If you live in Lagos or have paid even just a visit, you should know Lagos traffic well.
You just have to eat to distract yourself from the fact that you’re about to die in traffic. Here are some of the things Nigerians have come to recognise as traffic food.
Gala and La Casera
This is a timeless classic. For as long as I can remember, this has been the go-to. Delicious, filling and sooo refreshing especially when the LaCasera is cold, you can’t go wrong with this one.
Puff-Puff/Egg roll and Coke
You smell before you even see these. Some sweet angels display these delicious pastries in show-glasses. Even if you weren’t hungry before, you just might start starving. Wash it down with some chilled Coke and feel alright.
Pure Bliss and Hollandia Yoghurt
This is just pure milky goodness. A drug.
Plantain Chips and Fanta/Coke
Sweet and spicy, salty or plain, I really don’t see how you can go wrong with plantain chips. When you see this guy, just wind your window down and start shouting. This goes with pretty much any drink, to be honest.
Cashew/groundnuts/walnuts and Fanta
And if you’re not famished but only feeling a little peckish, these delicious and nutritious nuts have come to save you! Look around for your favourite drink, and you’re good to go… or not. There’s probably still traffic.
Boli and Groundnuts with Lucozade Boost
Plantain again! See, not all heroes wear capes. This is a delicious hero. Hot, fresh and filling, your mood will just elevate. Make sure you buy enough o! Just add Lucozade to boost your morale.
Corn and coconut with water
Boli and groundnuts’ brother that couldn’t attain the same greatness, corn and coconut can’t even be slept on. Boiled or roasted, this is always a good (healthy too) choice. Drink cold water, and you will just relax.
Popcorn and Fanta
Lagos traffic is always a movie, so trust me, the popcorn is going to come in handy. Just wash it down with Fanta to calm your navs.
Fruit and water
And for my fitfam, you can buy all sorts of fruit in traffic. From pineapples and pawpaws to apples and bananas, Lagos traffic has got it all trust me.
