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Citizen | Page 33 of 41 | Zikoko!
  • What Is Wrong With The New Police Bill?

    What Is Wrong With The New Police Bill?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    On Thursday, President Muhammadu Buhari signed into law the new Police Establishment Act 2020, aimed at making the Nigerian police force better.

    But the new law has generated sharp criticism, especially on social media. Many critics say that the law has now granted wide and unending powers to police officers.

    Reasonable Grounds, Reasonable Apprehension

    The new Police Act is filled with many places where it tells police officers to act where it has found “reasonable grounds”, or if there’s “reasonable apprehension”.

    For instance, Section 34 of the Act says that a suspect may be handcuffed if there is “reasonable apprehension of violence or an attempt to escape”.

    Section 38 also says that a police officer can arrest a suspect without a court order and without a warrant if he suspects that the person has committed an offence on “reasonable grounds” against any law in Nigeria or another country, except the law creating the offence states that the person cannot be arrested without a warrant.

    What this means is that a Nigerian police officer can arrest you without warrant if he has “reasonable grounds” to believe you’re a suspect. Whether or not you’re actually a suspect is irrelevant, as long as he reasonably thinks and believes that you are. 

    What is reasonable?

    The question of reasonability differs from one person to another. What is reasonable to one may not be reasonable to another. With this bill, if a police officer thinks that only criminals drive a type of car, he is backed by the law to arrest an owner of that car without warrant. 

    Legally, the courts have a test for reasonableness, including whether a decision is fair, just and right. But giving the Nigerian police officers these wide powers is definitely not a good thing. They will surely abuse it.

    What’s the defence?

    Supporters of the law argue that this same section was in the Police Act 2004 and the Administration of Criminal Justice Act (ACJA 2015)

    Many supporters of this Police Act have however argued that this same provision is not new and that it was in the Police Act of 2004 and the Administration of Criminal Justice Act (ACJA). 

    Honest Verdict

    Irrespective of when this law was first signed, these powers are simply too much for the Nigerian police.

    We already know, as Nigerians, that the police is filled with some of the worst Nigerians. Now that a law gives them the power to arrest anyone on “reasonable” grounds, we know they won’t be reasonable with it, as always. And waiting for a court of law to prove reasonableness is just another long grind.

    This provision of the law needs to be amended or repealed. For the sake of the Nigerians.

    Read: The Nigerian Police Is Recruiting, We Want These 7 Interview Questions.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.


    One year ago, we left Nigeria for an 80-day adventure across West Africa. Something is coming. Unshared stories. New perspectives. Limited series. 10 episodes. Check out: Jollofroad.com

     Also, read this: “We Just Dey Start” – We Went On Jollof Road, What Next?

  • Explosion In Iju-Ishaga Lagos: This Is What We Know

    Explosion In Iju-Ishaga Lagos: This Is What We Know

    An explosion has occurred in the Ajuwon, Iju-Ishaga area of Lagos today. The explosion happened around 3:30 pm on Thursday 24th September 2020, with many people stating that they do not know the cause of the explosion.

    Video footages of the explosion have been circulating on social media:

    https://twitter.com/instablog9ja/status/1309156622065860612

    An eyewitness told BBC Pidgin that a truck that was loaded with gas was the one that exploded while offloading gas in the Iju-Ishaga area of Lagos, causing the explosion.

    It also reports that people have sustained injuries and burns and that officials of the Lagos State Emergency Management Agency (LASEMA) are already at the scene of the explosion to rescue people.

    Meanwhile, gas explosions have become a recurring experience in Lagos and generally Nigeria, lately.

  • Does The Kano To Niger Rail Line Make Sense?

    Does The Kano To Niger Rail Line Make Sense?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    On Wednesday, 23 September 2020, Nigeria’s Federal Executive Council approved $1.96 billion for the award of contract for the development of the proposed Kano-Jigawa-Katsina-Jibia to Maradi rail line in the Niger Republic.

    The rail track will cover 248 kilometres, and will pass through seven cities in Nigeria: Kano, Dambatta, Kazaure, Daura, Mashi, Katsina, Jibia and then terminate in Maradi, Niger.

    Why are we building a rail line to Niger?

    In March 2018, Nigeria signed a Memorandum of Understanding with the Niger Republic, for the construction of hydrocarbon pipeline and a refinery in the border town between Nigeria and Niger.

    The idea is that crude oil from Niger can be transported to the refinery so that both countries can reduce petrol importation and refine crude oil to petroleum for local consumption.

    But does this arrangement make sense?

    To be honest, there are more pressing things to do than investing $2 billion in a rail line from Kano to the Niger Republic. 

    In fact, let’s look at three infrastructure projects this money could have been proposed on:

    1. Nigerian ports 

    Goods worth more than 5 trillion Naira are still stranded at the Apapa port.

    If we spend $2 billion on reducing congestion fixing infrastructure at the Apapa, Tin Can, Warri, Onne and Port-Harcourt ports, I’m sure we’ll get better value from it than the Niger Rail line.

    1. Nigerian rail lines

    Abuja to Lagos is still not connected by rail.

    https://twitter.com/Ambrosia_Ijebu/status/1308829553209507847

    Lagos to Ibadan, Abuja to Jos, Abuja to Lokoja, Port-harcourt to Warri, Onitsha to Aba, these are the rail lines we should be speeding up action on. It makes no sense if rail transport within Nigeria is left undeveloped at the expense of rail transport with another country.

    1. Ghana

    Nigeria’s biggest trading partner in West Africa is Ghana. Ghana has become one of our top ten trading partners over the last ten months, importing almost ₦900 billion Naira worth of non-crude oil products from Nigeria. It baffles me why we are not cementing trade ties with this country.

    If the argument is that this rail line is for trade in crude oil, Niger produces only 10,000 barrels of crude oil per day, far less than the 1.9 million barrels of oil Nigeria turns out daily. So how exactly is Niger a significant oil producing country? 

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.


    One year ago, we left Nigeria for an 80-day adventure across West Africa. Something is coming. Unshared stories. New perspectives. Limited series. 10 episodes. Check out: Jollofroad.com

     Also, read this: “We Just Dey Start” – We Went On Jollof Road, What Next?

  • Water Should Not Have Enemies, But The New Water Resources Bill Has Many Enemies

    Water Should Not Have Enemies, But The New Water Resources Bill Has Many Enemies

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Ladies and Gents, it is really the end times if we cannot agree on water, of all things. Fela must be turning in his grave: “Water, e don get enemy?”

    Why are people angry?

    Many prominent Nigerians, including Professor Wole Soyinka, have opposed the National Water Resources bill 2020. 

    They say that it is an agenda by the government to seize people’s water resources for Fulani herdsmen.

    They also say the government’s plan to control all waters, both underground and everywhere else, is a denial of people’s right to ownership and access to water.

    Government’s argument

    The Nigerian  government claims that:

    • The previous water resources laws are being brought together under one law in line with international best practices in Integrated Water Resources Management (IWRM).
    • The bill has no hidden agenda. It is for the good of the country.
    • The bill provides for professional and efficient management of all surface and groundwater for the use of the people.

    What is in the bill?

    Section 2 of the bill states that waters that affect more than one state are vested in the Federal Government of Nigeria. It is this section of the bill that many people are angry about.

    Section 119 of the bill also provides that: No person or corporate body shall commence or carry any kind of borehole drilling business in Nigeria without a Water Well Driller’s  License issued by the Nigeria Water Resources Regulatory Commission.

    For more, you can read the bill here.

    Should people be angry about the bill?

    The government has claimed that there is nothing new in this bill, and that its content is exactly the same as in the previous Water Resources Act in 2004.

    But people are still paranoid about the effects of the bill. Therefore, the best solution is for the government to find a meeting ground with people and put their fears to rest.

    Public trust is key when making laws.

    Check back every weekday by 10 a.m. for more Zikoko Citizen stories.


    One year ago, we left Nigeria for an 80-day adventure across West Africa. Something is coming. Unshared stories. New perspectives. Limited series. 10 episodes. Check out: Jollofroad.com

     Also, read this: “We Just Dey Start” – We Went On Jollof Road, What Next?

  • Happy Birthday Senator Tinubu, We Got Your Birthday Card

    Happy Birthday Senator Tinubu, We Got Your Birthday Card

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Hey, hope you didn’t buy the Nation newspaper this morning, because, technically what you would have bought was a birthday card.

    Big Flex

    Well, this man here bought the newspaper and here’s what he found – a national birthday card!

    https://twitter.com/oluwatroy_/status/1308140316998983684

    And it slaps harder like a Nigeria soldier if you accompany it with a birthday song:

    What do people think about this trojan horse, sorry newspaper?

    1. Investigate them

    2. This is a free copy, right?

    3. What’s more miserable than wanting read miserable news?

    4) Anger, just anger

    https://twitter.com/ti_lokaytobahd/status/1308297905736876032

    Moral of the story:

    1. When you’re big you’re big.
    2. Anything you see in Nigeria, take it like that.
    3. Know the two things above and know peace.

  • The Helicopter That Crashed In Lagos Ran Out of Fuel

    The Helicopter That Crashed In Lagos Ran Out of Fuel

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Remember the helicopter that crashed in Ikeja, Lagos on August 28, 2020? Well, there are new reports about the crash. 

    The Bell 206 B3 Helicopter with registration marks 5N-BW operated by Quorum Aviation Limited that crashed in Ikeja, Lagos on August 28 crashed due to fuel shortage reasons.

    Accident Investigation

    The Accident Investigation Bureau (AIB) reported on Monday that:

    1.The pilot’s last medical examination was valid until 6th August 2020. There was no evidence to show that an application for the exemption provided by the All Operators’ Letter AOL DG020/20 had been submitted to the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority.

    2. The pilot’s last proficiency check was valid till 24th August 2020. There was no evidence to show that an application for the exemption provided by the AOL DG018/20 had been submitted to the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority.

    3. The helicopter had a valid Certificate of Airworthiness.

    4. The helicopter was topped to full tank capacity on 27th August 2020.

    5. After refuelling, 10 minutes of engine run and 20 minutes of test flight were carried out on 27th August 2020 at Port Harcourt.

    6. The helicopter was fitted with a range-extender fuel system.

    7. No fuel jettisoning capability on this helicopter.

    8. The helicopter has an endurance of 3:24 h.

    9. The operational flight plan filed by the pilot indicated an endurance of 3:15 h and an estimated flight time of 2:45 h.

    10.The helicopter engine was started at 09:15 h.

    11.The helicopter took off at 09:20 h.

    12.The helicopter crashed at 12:14 h.

    13.There was no fuel left in the fuel tanks after the crash.

    14. The mast and main rotor blades were found intact during the post-crash

    What this means

    The helicopter could use fuel for only 3 hours and 24 minutes. The helicopter was fuelled to full capacity on 27th August 2020. Afterwards, there was a 10 minutes engine run and a 15 minutes test flight. That is, 25 minutes of the fuel time had already been used.

    The pilot estimated that the flight would take 2:45 mins, and took off 5 minutes after starting the engine.

    The 30 minutes of test runs and delays ate into the fuel endurance limit of 3 hours and 24 minutes of the helicopter, which led to the crash.

    Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • Finally, Ozo And Oshiomole Have Left The Show

    Finally, Ozo And Oshiomole Have Left The Show

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Ozo and Oshiomole were both sent packing this weekend. Who would have thought? Moral: Try no dey too clingy, show dey end.

    Meanwhile, we look at some lessons from both BBNaija and Edo voting centres.

    1. Nigerians massively voted for the BBNaija candidates but were less enthusiastic about the Edo Governorship elections.

    Checking records from 2007, the number of registered voters versus compared to the actual turnout of voters at the Edo state elections have actually reduced.

    In the 2020 final results for Edo State, just over 600,000 votes were cast out of 1.6 million accredited voters. Again, people are not actually showing up to the polls.

    Meanwhile, in the BBNaija votes, enthusiasm remains high as young Nigerians rally their people to vote for their preferred candidates.

    2. Godfathers can be good and bad.

    Well, it seems godfathers are now becoming influential in determining the winner of the BBNaija reality show.

    Meanwhile, as the BBNaija voters are complaining, it seems godfathers are now becoming less influential in Nigerian politics.

    3. Both elections were peaceful.

    Both elections were generally regarded as peaceful.

    The Edo election is one of the first time in recent history that the majority of observers agreedhave accorded that an election was peaceful.

    Of course, the BBNaija votes are always going to be peaceful. Nobody can snatch ballot boxes when everyone is at home voting via their mobile phones and laptops.

    Maybe Nigeria should start contemplating online elections. With Covid-19 teaching us about all the things we can use the internet to do, this shouldn’t seem farfetched completely online elections are things Nigeria should start considering.

    4. Both elections were seen as credible.

    Both elections have were seen as credible. It is a general agreement that the wishes of voters came to pass in this instances.

    In the case of BBNaija, Delloitte does a copmilation of the votes, soit was always going to be credible, at least to a large extent.

    For the Edo elections, there are many theories about why the election was peaceful and credible, including that it was because of the US’ travel ban on Nigerian politicians, which made them to reduce the use of many election violence related activities.

    Well, make of that whatever you can, but kudos must still be given to the Independent National Electoral Commission for a largely peaceful and credible election.

    5. Ozo and Oshiomole finally left.

    Ozo finally left the BBNaija show, while the shadow of Adams Oshiomole hanging over Edo state is finally gone.

    Two big personalities left the scene in these two voting cycles. Big W?

  • Has Obaseki Ended Godfatherism in Nigerian Politics?

    Has Obaseki Ended Godfatherism in Nigerian Politics?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Godwin Obaseki has been declared the winner of the Edo Governorship elections, but what does his re-election mean for godfatherism in Nigerian politics?

    Does this victory mean that so-called “Godfathers” are no more relevant in determining who wins an election in Nigeria?

    Not Too Long Ago

    In the run-up to the Edo Governorship elections, a lot of drama ensued. Godwin Obaseki, the sitting Governor of Edo State, was disqualified from the APC primary elections on the allegation that his certificates were irregular. He later moved to PDP, where he contested and won the PDP primary elections to become the PDP Governorship candidate.

    Oshiomole’s Voice, Ize-Iyamu’s Hand

    At the time, many said these occurrences were influenced by the then APC Chairman, Adams Oshiomole.

    The story was that Oshiomole and his political godson, Obaseki, had a major disagreement, after which Oshiomole made sure to disallow Obaseki from contesting on the APC party platform. Oshiomole would later adopt Ize-Iyamu as his candidate for the governorship elections.

    Now That Obaseki Has Won The Elections

    The re-election of Godwin Obaseki presents new questions in Nigerian politics: can godsons now displace their political godfathers?

    Do not forget that last year, Akinwunmi Ambode, the then governor of Lagos State, lost the APC primary elections and could not contest for a second term in office after he fell out with Bola Ahmed Tinubu and the so-called APC “structure” in the state.

    So, what did Obaseki do right? And how can it be replicated by other godfatherless contestants? Maybe we’ll have to go to Edo State to ask Godwin Obaseki himself.

  • Breaking: INEC Declares Obaseki Winner of Edo Elections

    Breaking: INEC Declares Obaseki Winner of Edo Elections

    The Independent National Electioral Commission (INEC) has declared Godwin Obaseki as the winner of the Edo Governorship elections.

    Obaseki got 307, 955 votes while his nearest challenger, Osagie Ize-Iyamu polled 223, 619 votes to emerge winner of the elections. He was announced by Prof Akpofureh Rim-Rukeh, the Resident Electoral Commissioner for the elections, as the winner of the gubernatorial elections.

    Reactions

    Godwin Obaseki gave a victory speech after emerging winner of the elections:

    Meanwhile, his nearest challenger, Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu has already conceded defeat in the elections:

    https://twitter.com/ize_osagie/status/1307655733840949249

    We wrote about the elections previously, and we will be looking at reactions to the election in the coming days.


    Read: Why The Edo State election Is Jazzing Up

  • Breaking: Three-Storey School Building Collapses in Ejigbo, Lagos

    Breaking: Three-Storey School Building Collapses in Ejigbo, Lagos

    A three-story school building has collapsed in the Iyana-Ejigbo area of Lagos.

    In a statement on its official Twitter account, the Lagos State Emergency Management Agency (LASEMA) confirmed that Excel College, located at 15, Ansarudeen Street, Ile-Epo Bus-Stop, Ejigbo, collapsed at 8:15am this Staurday, 19th September, 2020.

    Fortunately, nobody was trapped, and no injuries or lives have been lost in the incident.

    However, the three-story building has two wings, and the wing that collapsed has affected the other wing, as visible cracks can now be seen on its walls, pillars and decking.

    Schools in Lagos are scheduled to resume on Monday, 21st September 2020, and we had initially reported about it here. This collapse of this three-story school building in Ejigbo, Lagos means Excel College will most likely not open to students on Monday.

  • Is Anyone Talking About The Criminality of Imo State Criminal Law?

    Is Anyone Talking About The Criminality of Imo State Criminal Law?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Perhaps it skipped your attention

    The Imo State Government has passed a new Administration of Criminal Justice Laws No 2 of 2020. But criminal justice laws are supposed to be routine.

    Except that buried somewhere in Section 484 of the law is a hilarious and terrifying clause that gives the Governor the right to detain anyone at his “pleasure”. The person may also be discharged at any time by the Governor “on licence”.

    Imo state

    What does the constitution say?

    Section 35 of Nigeria’s 1999 constitution states that every person shall be entitled to his personal liberty, and no person can be denied of that, except in certain conditions – which at pleasure of a state Governor isn’t one.

    Section 34 of the constitution also talks about the dignity of the human person, while Section 41 of the constitution decalares that Nigerian citizens have a freedom to move freely.

    It is clear that this law contradicts the foundational law of Nigeria (or grund norm) and is unconstitutional.

    What are they drinking in Imo State?

    Right now, lawmakers in Imo State are arguing amongst themselves about who sponsored the law and who didn’t.

    Well, that is none of our concern. Let them save their own human dignity by repealing or amending this law, or whatever it is.

  • “I Almost Died And Nobody Cared”- Abroad Life

    “I Almost Died And Nobody Cared”- Abroad Life

    The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.



    Today’s Abroad Life subject is a woman who left Nigeria in 2016 to study in France. She talks about how her love for travelling has made her visit thirteen countries in the past four years, and how, now that she’s settled in Germany, she’s noticed that everyone minds their business too much.

    First things first, what are you doing in Germany?

    How do I put this? I work as a research assistant, but that’s not the whole story because my research is supposed to count towards getting my PhD. I’m working towards my PhD, but I get paid as a researcher. This means I can apply for my PhD whenever I wish to.  

    What do you do as a researcher?

    My research is on fluid mechanics. I was going to say Mechanical Engineering, but that doesn’t quite tell the whole story, so I’ll say fluid mechanics. I’ve been in Germany for about 2 years. 

    What happened before Germany?

    I was in Paris for about six months, in the Netherlands for another six months and in Nances, a city in France, for another year. I was moving around because in the space of those two years, I took two Masters. One started in Paris, with its second semester in the Netherlands, and the other was fully in Nances.

    That’s a great quest for knowledge. Is there a reason for that? 

    Well, the first Masters was a scholarship from the French and the Nigerian government. It was meant to last two years, but because I already had a five year engineering background, the school decided to waive the first year and just have me do the second year. Big mistake. 

    So, I did that one year and since I had one more “free” year, I decided to just take another Masters in Nances. It was a tough choice between getting another Masters and getting a PhD, but I decided on the former just to bridge the gap on the one year I missed from the first Masters. 

    How many countries have you lived in?

    Apart from Nigeria, The Netherlands, France and Germany. Three. 

    How many countries have you been to?

    Thirteen

    Hold up…

    It’s really not that mind-blowing. They’re all Schengen Area Countries, so when you’re in one of them, you can easily go to any of the others. 

    When did your traveling start?

    It started when I got to France. In my first year of Masters, I only visited Italy.

    Can  you give me a list of the 13 countries?

    France, Italy, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Spain, Czech Republic, Hungary, Russia, Finland, Switzerland and Lithuania

    Where’s a place you’d love to visit again?

    France, but not because of Paris. Paris is the most overrated city I’ve ever been to. After seeing The Eiffel tower and The Louvre Museum, there’s nothing left to do. You might enjoy it as a tourist, but living there isn’t so nice.

    I remember my first morning in Paris, I was like, “Oh welcome, abroad. I won’t have to struggle for the bus.” Then I stepped out and  saw so many people running for the metro. I was so confused. The metro also smells really bad.

    Wow. So why France?

     A city called Colmar. I went to Colmar when I did a mini trip to France earlier this year, and it looks like something out of a fairytale. It has really nice houses, flowers and small rivers, and they’re so well preserved. It’s not a big city, but it’s spectacular. 

    Where’s one place where you don’t want to visit again?

    Russia. I can’t really say it’s the worst. I’ll say, maybe, it’s the place where I’ve felt the least comfortable. It was probably because I already had an opinion from reading stuff about them, that they’re racist. 

    I didn’t really get a chance to explore the city where I stayed, but I like the metros in Russia. They’re really deep underground, probably one of the deepest metros I have ever seen. But I couldn’t enjoy the place because I didn’t want to be out late and have someone appear behind me and start asking me questions.

    What enables you to travel so much?

    I have a sugar daddy.

    Oh?..

    Just kidding. I live in the Schengen Area, and if you plan your trips well, you’ll get cheap flights and buses. One time, I took a 2 hour bus from Lille in France, to Ghent in Belgium for €5. You could also get really cheap flight tickets within the region to countries with heavy tourist attraction centres.

    What do you mean by cheap?

    It’s actually really cheap, trust me. On some days, you can get a plane ticket for about €50 euros to Spain. Generally, the key to exploring Europe is getting a visa to one country in this region. I even recently found out that once you have a Shengen region country visa, you don’t need a visa to travel to some countries that are not in the Schengen region, like Croatia.

    How easy was it getting the French Visa?

    Pretty easy. The scholarship was government sponsored, so that wasn’t hard at all. The German permit also took me about four days to get and I don’t know why. Normally, it takes about three weeks. 

    How have you dealt with the language?

    In the Netherlands and Germany,  you’re more likely to find people willing to speak to you in English. In France, not many people would speak English to you, but my Masters program was in English, so I just had to learn basic French for survival.

    In Germany, my first contract was a six-month internship program. I was meant to work 42 hours a week, but it was a 50% contract, so I worked 20 hours a week. I used the other half of my time to learn German, and in eight months, I could speak fluent German. 

    To me, it doesn’t matter whether you speak to me in English or German because I think I can speak enough German to get by.

    When did you first leave Nigeria, and have you been back since then?

    I left Nigeria in September 2016. I’ve been back only once and that was last year.

    Are you coming back?

    When I was leaving, I had all intentions to come back. But after my masters, I realised that because of my field of study and speciality, the job prospects would be really limited. I was speaking with my South African friend recently and we agreed that she had a much better chance of going back home and getting a job in her field than I do. 

    Another question I would ask before coming back is “Who can match my current salary?”

    What is a Nigerian reality that has shaped your Abroad Life?

    Addressing your superiors at work. My supervisor is in his early 60s, so it was super hard for me to start calling him by his name every time. This man is old enough to be my grandfather and he wants me to call him his first name. I’m getting more familiar with it, though.

    One of the things I don’t like about being abroad is the fact that everybody minds their business.  It is a double-edged sword. In Nigeria, you don’t like people being in your business, but sometimes, you actually need it.

    Last year, I was sick. I had an emergency operation so I couldn’t go to work for about a week. I was in my house and the next thing, I was in the hospital, so I couldn’t inform anybody. Not a single person called or texted me. Not one. Not even the HR person. I left a cup of coffee on my desk the day before the incident and when I came back one week after, I met it right there with mold in it. Sometimes, it gets really annoying in Nigeria when people put their noses in your business, but I’d rather have that than have nobody care at all. 

    I always like to say that if I died in my apartment, nobody would know until my body started smelling because even my rent would automatically pay itself from my account and the landlord wouldn’t care to check on me.

     

    Wild. In all your travels, have you been treated differently because you are black?

    Not really, no. People always assume that I’m either South African, or from the UK and it’s interesting to see. But one time in an Airport in Milan, I got specially checked. Only me. Turns out I was the only black person on the flight I came in. My documents got checked and everything, and then they asked me to go. 

    Sorry about that. Do you ever find a Nigerian community wherever you are?

    In school in France, they have an active Nigerian community on WhatsApp, so it was easy to find a community. In the Netherlands, I wasn’t really searching, but my landlord was Ghanaian so I had all the feeling of home I wanted. 

    I’m very sure they’re Nigerians in Germany, but for some reason, I can’t seem to find them. I live in a small city and I’m more likely to run into francophone Africans than Nigerians. The lady that makes my hair is the only other Nigerian I know here. 

    What’s one thing you miss about Nigeria?

    Food and familiarity.

    What is the best thing about living in Germany right now?

    The transport system. 

    Not the popular events like Oktoberfest?

    I’m not a beer person. I feel like  beer is the devil’s piss.

    I think the other thing about Germany is that it’s quite an interesting country. You never hear of Germany being a tourist attraction, but it has really nice places. Germany has a lot of tourism potential, but I don’t know why it’s not being marketed.

    I really enjoy travelling in Germany.

    What advice would you give a Nigerian trying to move to Germany or any of the countries you’ve been to?

    The best route is usually as a student. Be ready to learn the language if you’re moving to a non-English speaking country. Learning the language is an advantage and a great way to connect with the people. 

    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.

  • The “Self-Certification” Form Is For Tax Residency Information

    The “Self-Certification” Form Is For Tax Residency Information

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    In case, you slept yesterday afternoon and suddenly woke up this morning, well, good morning. But a lot has happened.

    The Federal Government directed that all Nigerians should go to all the banks they have an account in and fill something called a “Self Certification Form”. They say the BVN, National ID, Voter’s Card, Drivers Licence, National Passport and all the other data we have in this country is not enough to help them find what they are looking for.

    In case you are still confused, we wrote about it in a series of articles.

    The Real Purpose of the Self-Certification Form

    Taiwo Oyedele, a foremost tax expert has revealed on Twitter that this form is for the exchange of tax information between Nigeria and other countries. Financial institutions would know the tax residency of customers and be able to share the information with other countries.

    In other words, the government (through banks) wants to know the countries you live and where you should be paying different taxes to.

    He also stated that for companies, the government would know who has the controlling interest in a business, commonly known as “beneficial ownership.”

    Other Opinions

    1. It is a self-enforcement tax issue, not an identification issue.

    2. Tax residency is for 0.00001% of the population.

    https://twitter.com/Ambrosia_Ijebu/status/1306738570716229632?s=19

    The Thing About Tax Residency

    For tax purposes, a resident of a country is any person that is subject to tax under the domestic laws of that country by reason of residence, place of incorporation, or any other criteria.

    Because different countries have different ideas on what it means to be a resident, countries generally enter into agreements (or treaties) with one another, so that a person living in say, the US, might still be paying Nigeria’s income taxes.

    It is this exchange of information that Nigeria has entered into with other countries. And that is why this new tax information is needed, so that the government can trace them.

  • Everything In Nigeria Will Kill You, Including FG’s New Self Certification Form

    Everything In Nigeria Will Kill You, Including FG’s New Self Certification Form

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    This is the broken news:

    https://twitter.com/NigeriaGov/status/1306634568267640832
    https://twitter.com/NigeriaGov/status/1306634571082076161

    Too tired and can’t read?

    Your government says you have to physically go to banks to obtain, complete and submit a “Self Certification Form”. The form is to certify your identity, in line with the Income Tax Regulation of 2019. And even if you have an account in five banks, you have to go to all of them to fill this form, one by one.

    The form is in three categories: Form for Entity, Form for Controlling Person and Form for Individual. If you fail to do this, you may be fined or even have your bank accounts suspended.

    Dear FG, Are we a joke to you?

    I wasn’t good at maths, but as at last count, we have had at least four valid means of identification in this country.

    There is the National ID Card, Drivers’ Licence and the Voters’ Card. There is even the Bank Verification Number, which centralises all of the accounts a person has with an eleven-digit number. Why can’t the Federal Government harness all of this data, centralise it in a database and use it for whatever biometric plans it has?

    What is this stick and stone approach in 2020?

  • The FG Wants You To Queue At The Bank. Again

    The FG Wants You To Queue At The Bank. Again

    This evening, the official Twitter account of the FG put out a thread of tweets asking all account holders in financial institutions (banks, insurance companies etc.) to fill and submit a self-certification form to their financial institutions.

    https://twitter.com/NigeriaGov/status/1306634568267640832?s=20

    The main gist is that every person with an account with any Nigerian financial institution is required to fill a self-certification form (we don’t yet know what that means) and submit it to their banks etc.

    This directive comes from the FIRS, who claim that the forms are required by “the relevant financial institutions to carry out due diligence procedures in line with the Income Tax Regulations 2019.”

    Remember when the CBN/FG mandated every person with a bank account within Nigeria to get a BVN? This is just like that. We expect there to be tons of people at the banks.

    Nigerian banks and crowds don’t mix, and with a pandemic raging on, we wonder if this decision was well-thought out.

    The real question, however, is: why are we constantly required to fill endless bio-data and other forms despite the BVN exercise mandated in 2014?

    1. Of course, Nigerians are none too pleased with the FG about this development:

    https://twitter.com/zinnayy_/status/1306667609425879040?s=20

    2. We aren’t the only ones who think this wasn’t well-reasoned by the FG:

    3. Others are asking very pertinent questions:

    4. Others don’t give a fuck:

    https://twitter.com/Mubzz__/status/1306662812966686720?s=20

    5. At the end of the day, it’s important to realise how we got here and the changes we need to effect:

    Update: The Message Does Not Apply To Everybody

    The Federal Government has just come out to state that the self-certification forms do not apply to everybody. I guess we can relax now.

    The Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS) who are the body in charge of federal taxes in Nigeria will issue the appropriate clarification shortly.

    Read: Nigeria Wants To Fight Corruption With Another New Agency

  • Nigeria Wants To Fight Corruption With Another New Agency

    Nigeria Wants To Fight Corruption With Another New Agency

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    A short poem:

    Roses are red

    Lagos traffic can leave you dead

    Nigeria will always “fight” corruption

    But we need more action!

    Gist:

    The Federal Government has approved a bill for the management of assets recovered from corruption.

    If this bill is signed into law, the “Proceeds of Crime Recovery and Management Act” will create an agency that will control all the assets that are gotten from corruption in Nigeria.

    How Is This Different From What We Have Always Had?

    Before now, because assets recovered from corruption are distributed across different agencies, including with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commision (EFCC), and the Independent Corrupt Practices Commission (ICPC).

    If the bill is passed by the National Assembly, this new agency will be in charge of all recovered funds, assets and properties, so that they can be centralised in one place.

    Have We Seen This Movie This Before?

    Well, not exactly.

    So, will someone finally be jailed? Will Abacha’s gateman finally be poorer than Dangote?

    That’s for the EFCC. But this agency is to ensure recovered stolen funds are properly accounted for.

    Abeg x3

    More agencies do not mean less corruption.

    Jail some people, recover funds, fix infrastructure with those funds. That’s how we will know that we are winning the corruption fight, for once.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • Was Tinubu Spitting Facts In His Latest Video?

    Was Tinubu Spitting Facts In His Latest Video?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Okay, so if you’ve not seen Tinubu’s message to the Edo voters, find it here:

    Still didn’t watch it? Here’s a quick summary:

    • Tinubu says Edo people should reject Godwin Obaseki in Edo’s Governorship election
    • Tinubu says he has suffered with many others to bring about democracy in Nigeria
    • Tinubu says Obaseki can’t understand the values and pains of democracy since he didn’t participate in any democratic struggle
    • Tinubu speaks on the political happenings with the Edo State Legislature, says Obaseki is a dictator.

    Now, we have a few questions:

    • Why is Tinubu so interested in the Edo election?
    • Is it only people who were in this democratic struggle that can understand the importance of democracy?
    • So, who are the defenders of democracy in Nigeria?
    • What plans does the candidate from Tinubu’s party have for Edo people, and how will he achieve them?

    Long and Short

    The Edo State election is this Saturday. Expect many more hot takes and gbas gbos from politicians. Meanwhile, get ready to vote if you’re a citizen of the state and you actually can. The next few days will be… interesting. Or chaotic?

    For your next read: Why the Edo State election is jazzing up.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • Your Bitcoin Is Now A Security, Until Proven Otherwise

    Your Bitcoin Is Now A Security, Until Proven Otherwise

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    1. So, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has a new regulation.

    The SEC, in a statement on its website yesterday, stated that it will regulate crypto-token or crypto-coin investments when these investments qualify as ‘securities transactions’.

    2. Chile, what does this mean?

    A ‘Securities transactions’ occurs whenever there has been a sale or purchase of securities. Securities are anything you do business with (to secure the transaction) e.g cash, shares, bonds, etc.

    3. How does this affect your bitcoin?

    What the SEC is saying is that whenever bitcoin, or ethereum, or any other cyptocurrency is used to do business, they can and will regulate it.

    So if you want to raise funds or pay for anything using bitcoin, the SEC says it will now regulate that “securities transactions”.

    4. How Will This Will Work?

    Everyone who trades in bitcoin (“issuers and sponsors”) will now have to prove that their digital asset (or cryptocurrency) does not constitute securities.

    They will have to prove so through an “initial assessment filing“. However, where it shows that their virtual assets are securities, then they must register the asset.

    5. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

    Well, from how I see it, this is a good thing. The SEC, at least, recognises digital assets and cryptocurrencies as an acceptable means of transaction, which the CBN still doesn’t.

    Regulations like this also give investors the confidence to invest and do more in the digital asset market, which can be very prone to fraud.

    So yes, relax.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • 3 Simple Things Buhari Gets Wrong About Agriculture in Nigeria

    3 Simple Things Buhari Gets Wrong About Agriculture in Nigeria

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Okay, so this is the jab:

    And then came the knockout:

    Well, that meins, no more dollars to import maize, chicken feed, palm oil, or whatever. Every part of the food you eat must be sourced from Nigeria.

    Now, asides from the fact that Buhari’s ‘direction’ clearly shows that the Central Bank of Nigeria under his Presidency is no more independent (if it ever was), the assumption that we have to completely stifle food imports to boost Agriculture in Nigeria is … besides the point.

    Also, that the presence of “able bodied” young Nigerians on the farms will equate to more Agricultural yield is … meh. 

    The Netherlands for instance, has a population of roughly 17 million people (not up to the people in Lagos), and a land mass of roughly 41,543 sq Km (Nigeria’s is 923,768 sq Km). But the country is the second largest exporter of Agricultural produce in the world, and it made over $10 billion exporting flowers and $7.4 billion exporting vegetables in 2017 alone.

    How? Smart work, not hard work. Innovation and smart policies over gra gra.

    In fact, in most developed countries only 5% of the entire population work in the Agric sector, while two-thirds of the population in poor countries end up working in Agriculture. But developed countries still end up more productive in Agriculture than developing countries.

    Look, don’t just take our word for it. Let’s get into the nitty-gritty of the things Buhari gets wrong about Agriculture in Nigeria:

    1. 70 million Nigerians already work in Agriculture

    According to recent World Bank estimates, 35% of Nigerians work in some form of Agriculture. That is around 70 million Nigerians. So we do already have enough people in Agriculture. It can’t be about the numbers again if 70 million out of 200 million people already engage in an occupation, in one form or another. Or can it?

    2. Farmers still owe over N150 billion from the Anchor Borrowers Programme

    The Government’s own Anchor Borrowers Programme, aimed at providing finance to Small Holder Farmers (SHFs) to purchase farm inputs still remains a source of controversy over repayment concerns.

    Now, while providing loans for farmers is a great idea in theory, the practicalities of Agriculture in Nigeria still show that it is hard for farmers to turn a profit. Which takes us to the last point;

    3. Nigeria’s Agro-Processing sub-sector is still way off mark

    In June this year, the Federal Government announced plans to build 142 Agriculture processing centres, but that is exactly the point Nigeria is with regards to agro-processing. *Announcing plans*.

    Essentially, Agriculture as an occupation is way different from Agriculture as a business. Until Nigeria works around the Agro-business by developing the Agro-processing sub-sector and building the infrastructure around it, including power and seamless transportation, we’ll have to keep going to farms, like the able-bodied people that we are.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • If All Else Fails I’ll Marry A White Woman So I Never Return To Naija – David’s Abroad Life

    If All Else Fails I’ll Marry A White Woman So I Never Return To Naija – David’s Abroad Life

    The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.



    The subject of today’s Abroad Life is a 22-year-old man who moved to the United States four years ago for school. He talks about how he went from being homesick, to never wanting to return to Nigeria, his plan to marry a white woman if all else fails and how he would’ve landed in Unilag after having sex in a public park.

    First things first, what are you doing in the United States?

    I came to Texas to  study about five years ago. I graduated last year, and now I work at an insurance company. I’m trying to gain some experience, some money, and enjoy my life. I wanted to come back to Nigeria, but I’ve decided against that. 

    Why?

    Don’t get me wrong, I’ll come to visit, but Nigeria is a mess right now.

    Why do you think Nigeria is a mess?

    We see what is going on, the country is a cruise. There aren’t a lot of opportunities for young people to find well paying jobs. I know that it’s a struggle. I want to work and see results. I feel like a lot of people here also complain about jobs not valuing them, but I’m pretty sure it’s better than in Nigeria. If you genuinely put in the work, you’ll see results. I can’t say the same about Nigeria. 

    At what point did you know you didn’t want to come back to Nigeria?

    2018. My first year here was really tough for me because I was really far away from my family. I got homesick a whole lot but I met a lot of new people, and I started feeling at home, so I  adapted.

     I went back to Nigeria in 2018, and that’s when I realised I couldn’t come back. I spoke with my friends about their experiences and they weren’t very nice. I realised I cannot come back and suffer. 

    The picture I have of Texas is one where everyone is wearing cowboy hearts and have smoking pipes. The roads are dusty, everyone moves around with horses. Am I correct?

    No you’re not correct. Texas is really big. Almost as big as Nigeria. There are some parts where you get the countryside vibes like you describe, but most of Texas is advanced, just like the rest of the US.  

    There’s a lot of racism. They’ll smile with you and all but they can kill you at your back. I haven’t had any wild experiences like getting attacked or something, but I just know it. I see the way people act. Many white people don’t like black people. 

    Do you have any white friends?

    When I was in college, my group of friends was diverse, we had people from everywhere like Africa and Argentina, Colombia and even France. Naturally, there weren’t a lot of black people in my school so my group of friends had to be diverse. It’s always nice experiencing different cultures and how they live their lives.  

    What do Nigerians need to know about coming to get an education in the US?

    There are schools and programs here that will pay you to go to school. I feel like enough people don’t know about this and it’s really annoying to me. All people need to do is some research and you’ll find that there’s so much opportunity here. For some schools and programs, you might not even pay anything, but they’ll pay you. After graduation you can work up to three years here without a work permit, so that’s your time to prove yourself to a company to show that you can bring them value. If the company sees that you add value to them regardless of where you’re from, and you have a good work ethic, they’ll apply for you to stay. Many people don’t know that, so they miss opportunities like that.

    So what’s the dating scene like?

    I’m not rushing into that. I want to secure the bag first. A lot of people have rushed into dating and marriage and they realize that they married someone crazy, and everything turns on its head. I want to be happy with the person I settle with. I think I should mention though, that if any of my plans to solidify my stay here don’t work, I can just decide to marry an American woman. It’s like Plan E. If none of the plans work, I’ll just go back to Nigeria. I’m kuku from there. Maybe our future leaders will have made it better. 

    So you’re not even seeing anyone?

    Oh I have been with a couple of women here. It’s just never been serious. I noticed white girls like white guys. But African American and Mexican babes? God, they love me, and I love them too. God, University was wild. 

    What’s the wildest experience you had in University?

    It was just a lot of those house parties that you see in movies. I loved it. Partying is really huge here. But an experience I can never forget is when one night, me and this babe were fucking in car, in a public park and the police pulled up. The thing is, the park was closed and nobody was meant to be there. So that’s one crime. Another was apparently indecent exposure, because what if some kids also decided to come to the park? I could have been registered as a sex offender.

    The cop came over, told me to wear my shorts and move to the front seat, and then asked for our ID’s. At that point, I could already see myself in Murtala Mohammed Airport, and in UNILAG. 

    She ran our ID’s in her car and then came back and asked us why we were doing that in a public place. We told her we just got caught up and then she said “Next time, just find a hotel”. 

    I pray for her whenever I remember the incident because if she wanted to be wicked, she could have proceeded to land us in trouble. Anyways, I went back home that night to reflect on my life. I asked myself “Is this why my parents sent me to school?”

    As a black person living in the US, what was the atmosphere like, when George Floyd was killed?

    The George Floyd time was crazy.  I felt angry and worried because it could’ve been me. But I didn’t protest because some of the protests turned violent, and I didn’t come here to die. The police were also arresting a lot of protesters and as a foreigner, the repercussions would have been worse for me if I got arrested. 

    I hear of a lot of natural disasters in Texas. Ever experienced one?

    As far as natural disasters and shootings go, I’ve never directly experienced any of it. Maybe I’m lucky, maybe I’m blessed. The koko is,  I’m alive and looking forward to the next day. 

    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.

  • The Inside Story of How Nigeria Lost 2 Trillion Naira In The Malabu Oil Deals

    The Inside Story of How Nigeria Lost 2 Trillion Naira In The Malabu Oil Deals

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    Look, “The Lost Okoroshi” is not the only thing that is being lost nowadays. Just two days ago, Nigeria made its closing argument in an Italian Court over an oil case that has spanned 22 years and has cost us roughly 2 trillion naira in bad deals.

    Below, we give a quick snapshot of the most important moments in the Malabu Oil/OPL 245 scandal. Your fave, Hushpupppi, could never. Trust me.

    March 10, 1995

    Sani Abacha, Nigeria’s military dictator, appoints Dan Etete as Nigeria’s Minister of Petroleum.

    April 24, 1998

    Daniel Etete forms and registers Malabu Oil and Gas Limited, while serving as Petroleum Minister.

    The company has three shareholders:  Mohammed Sani Abacha (son of late Sani Abacha), Kweku Amagagha (one of Etete’s alias) and Hassan Hindu (wife of Hassan Lawal, a former Nigerian high commissioner to the UK).

    Five days after Malabu Oil and Gas Ltd is formed, Abacha awards OPL 245 and 214 to it. OPL 245 contains 9 billion barrels of oil. Etete pays only $2 million of $20 million ‘signature’ fee.

    2001

    President Olusegun Obasanjo revokes Malabu’s licence, over corruption investigations. Obasanjo invites International Oil Companies (IOCs) to bid for OPL 245 licence. Shell, who was Malabu oil’s ‘technical partner’ in the previous licence grant wins OPL 245 new licence, after bidding $210m, $150m more than nearest challenger ExxonMobil. Malabu is angry that Shell has ‘acted irresponsibly’ because Shell already had ‘inside knowledge’ of the oil block while serving as their technical partners.

    Malabu petitions the national assembly who conclude that the licence grant to Shell was done mala fide (in bad faith), and that the licence should be given back to Malabu Oil and Gas Ltd.

    2006

    OPL 245 licence reverts back to Malabu Oil after Malabu took the Government to court for failing to comply with the National Assembly’s resolutions.

    Case is settled out-of-court with Edmund Daokuru, Nigeria’s Minister of state for petroleum resources confirming that Malabu now has 100% licence of OPL 245. Reports say Malabu paid a $210 million signature bonus.

    2009

    According to leaked emails, Etete asks Shell to make an offer of 40% stake in  OPL 245. Shell’s then Chief Executive officer, Peter Voser allegedly writes: “If at nearly 70 years old he (Etete) turns his nose at $1.2bn, he’s completely certifiable”.

    6. 2009

    Goodluck Jonathan’s administration confirms Malabu Oil licence holders of OPL 245. Meanwhile, Jonathan was a former tutor to Etete’s kids.

    In a series of deals arranged by Diezani Allison Madueke, Shell would pay the $210m signature bonus to the government, then Shell and Eni would pay a further $1.1bn to the government, which would be then paid to Etete and other ‘middlemen’.

    Meanwhile, international banks flagged the wire transfer as the government tried to pay Etete his $1.1 billion cut.

    7. 2015

    Buhari becomes President and EFCC begins investigation of OPL 245 licencing, which it considers “corrupt and bad value”.

    8. 2020

    Nigeria’s lawyers make closing argument for Nigeria in an Italian court. Says Nigeria should be paid $1.1 billion for all the money lost in the OPL 245 corrupt deals.

    9. Summary

    An oil block of 9 billion barrels of oil that should have fetched Nigeria over N2 Trillion Naira within the past 22 years has fetched us almost nothing, and our country is still massively underdeveloped. In short, we need to really do better, as a country.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • Nigeria’s New Agenda 2050 Shows That Agenda Must Agend

    Nigeria’s New Agenda 2050 Shows That Agenda Must Agend

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    On Wednesday, Nigeria’s President Muhammadu Buhari inaugurated the steering committee to oversee Nigeria’s new Agenda 2050 and the Medium-Term National Development Plan (MTNDP).

    But where have we heard this before?

    The Guardian says that this new agenda is borne out of the fact that Nigeria cannot meet its objectives of becoming one of the 20 most developed economies in the world, as stated in the Vision 20:2020.

    But of course we couldn’t. How could we, when the plans were not strictly followed?

    This new agenda plans to lift 100 million Nigerians out of poverty within the next ten years, considering that the UN estimates that Nigeria will be the 3rd most populous country by 2050, with a population of over 400 million people.

    The president also noted that it had become important to create new plans to the Economic Recovery and Growth Plan, and the Vision 20:2020, all of which lapse this December.

    But here’s the thing. Nigeria has still failed to achieve any of the goals set out in its development plans, so what’s the point in proposing another?

    The Economic Recovery and Growth Plan stated that Nigeria would have a 7% Gross Domestic Product (GDP) growth by 2020, but the country is clearly headed for an economic reduction in 2020 — as we outlined here.

    The Vision 20:2020 also outlined that Nigeria will be one of the 20 most industrialised countries by 2020, but as at today we’re very far off that line.

    Rather than implement new agendas, all we simply want (if I can speak for Nigerians) is that the government shows real, actual commitment towards implementing programs. Talk is cheap. We need the political will to do the work.

    So, again, we ask. How will we actually lift 100 million people out of poverty 2050?

    *Radio Silence*

    Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.

  • Why The Edo State Election Is Jazzing Up

    Why The Edo State Election Is Jazzing Up

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    The Edo State Governorship election is on the 20th of September, and it will be interesting to know who governs Edo State for the next four years, including how the winning candidate eventually makes the state better.

    Will Adams Oshiomole have his man, Osagie Ize-Iyamu become Governor of Edo State? Or will Godwin Obaskei hold on to a office he decamped to the PDP at the last time for? Importantly, will the lives of Edo indigenes get better over the next four years?

    WHY IS THE ELECTION HAPPENING NOW?

    Ideally, all the 36 state Governorship elections in Nigeria should be held at the same time every four years, counting from 1999 when Nigeria returned to a democracy. However some states hold their Governorship elections at a different time usually because of election petitions and the judgement of election tribunals.

    The different date of the Edo State is because of the 2007 Governorship elections in the state where Adams Oshiomole took Oserhiemen Osunbor to the Edo State Governorship Elections Tribunal over the results of the April 2007 Governorship election in the state.

    The Federal Appeal Court in Benin City eventually found judgement in favour of Adams Oshiomole on November 11th, 2008. This is why Governorship elections in the state holds at this time every four years.

    WHO ARE THOSE CONTESTING?

    Right now, candidates from 14 registered political parties are contesting for the Governorship seat of the state, but Godwin Obaseki of the PDP and Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu are the most popular candidates.

    All the other candidates include: 

    Edemakhiota Osaimiamia, Action Alliance (AA), Reuben Edokpayi, African Democratic Congress (ADC), Emmanuel Obio, African Democratic Party (ADP), Lucky Idehen, All Progressives Grand Alliance (APGA), Igbineweka Osmimuede, Allied Peoples Movement (APM); Amos Areloegbe, Accord Party (AP), Isaiah kosifu, Labour Party (LP), Jonathan Enobhaysobo, New Nigeria Peoples Party (NNPP); Stevie Ozono, National Rescue Movement (NRM); Felix Obayangbon, Social Democratic Party (SDP); Jones Osagiobare, Young Progressives Party (YPP), and Akhalamhe Amiemenoghena, Zenith Labour Party (ZLP).

    WHAT ARE THEIR CAMPAIGN PROMISES?

    The current Governor of Edo State is running under the campaign theme “Make Edo Great Again (MEGA)”. At the launch of his reelection campaign in July, he stated: “We are going to be introducing a lot of technology. We are going to make sure that programmes we are starting particularly with agriculture, youth employment, we are going to insist that we are going to continue in that path. Edo will be the business and economic hub of the country”.

    During Obaseki’s first Governorship tenure, he got to office by campaigning on 37 promises — but the question of whether he has substantially fulfilled a majority of those promises still remains.

    Meanwhile, Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu of the APC is running for office on what he calls the SIMPLE agenda, which is an acronym for: Security, Infrastructural development, Manpower development, Public Private Partnership, Leadership and Employment creation.

    He also plans on creating 70,000 jobs in four years, including 10,000 new jobs in the construction, housing and education sectors – within 4 years.

    However, these guys have still not given us a detailed plan on how they will achieve these goals. They do not even have a website where their plans and how they will achieve them are properly outlined.

    WHAT IS THE INDEPENDENT NATIONAL ELECTORAL COMMISSION (INEC) DOING?

    The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) is the Government Commission established by Nigeria’s 1999 Constitution to organize elections into various political offices in the country, among other things. Section 15 of the 1999 Constitution gives it this powers.

    On September 19, 2020, INEC released a final list of the governorship candidates for the election, including all the deputy governorship candidates and their respective parties.

    The Commission has also released a policy on how it will go about conducting elections during the Covid-19 pandemic, including a consideration of the legal issues, health issues and logistics and/or operational issues that have to be factored into conducting elections at this time.

    SOME POLITICAL CALCULATIONS

    Edo State has always been a politically charged state, especially considering that all states in the South-South Geopolitical zone are now run by governors in the PDP. So, this presents the only chance for the APC to win back a state in that geo-political zone of the country.

    Actually, Godwin Obaseki of the PDP was initially elected on the platform of the APC. However, he was disqualified from the Party’s primary elections, on the grounds that his academic certificates were incomplete. Pastor Ize-Iyamu (who was formerly in the PDP) then became flag-bearer of the APC in the September 29 Governorship election, with Obaseki joining the PDP at the very last minute.

    The political situation of things in Edo State is ascribed by many people to Adams Oshiomole, a former Governor of the state, who is said to have found ways to disqualify Obaseki from re-contesting under the APC in the state after both of them fell out. Many say Oshiomole brought Obaseki to become Governor of the state but fell out with him after some differences. Oshiomole now supports Ize-Iyamu to be Governor of Edo State, a former Secretary to the government of the state whom he once abused in the run-up to the 2016 Governorship elections in the state.

    ISSUES OF ELECTION VIOLENCE, VOTER SUPPRESSION AND VOTE BUYING

    There has been prominent issues of election violence leading up to the elections in Edo State. The situation of things have gotten so bad that the Oba of Benin, Oba Ewuare 2, had to invite all the candidates, including the two major aspirants to his palace to plead with them to “reduce the political temperature” in the state. Lately, the Edo State House of Assembly has also been drawn into all sorts of crisis, all of which is not unconnected from the upcoming election in the state.

    Also, voter suppression and vote buying still remain major issues in Nigerian elections. It is hoped that this election will witness significant changes in these vices, and that a free and fair election can happen, so that the votes of the people can count.

    Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.

  • Dear Erica, The CBN Is Coming For Your Dollars

    Dear Erica, The CBN Is Coming For Your Dollars

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Imagine my surprise when I opened Twitter on Sunday night, only to realise that fans of Erica were donating money to a GoFundMe account opened on her behalf after she was disqualified from the Big Brother Naija show. 

    And they were not sending this woman money in naira. They were doing it in – wait for it – DOLLARS. I can’t lie, I was shook.

    But the more I think about this the more I want to say to Erica’s fans: “Be careful, the CBN is looking for dollars”.

    Roses are red, CBN wll find the dollars you kept under your bed

    On Friday last week, the CBN placed a Post No Debit (PND) order on 48 companies, on the allegation that they transfer foreign exchange outside of the country, in a way that hurts Nigeria’s economy.

    The order largely affected gaming companies, and it is alleged that over $48 million dollars were taken out of Nigeria into foreign accounts – a move the CBN maintains does not help the FX scarcity situation in Nigeria.

    Meanwhile, What Is A ‘Post No Debit Order’?

    Note that A ‘Post No Debit‘ is an order  that blocks all money debit transactions from taking place on a bank account, and this recent order placed on these companies is further proof that the Central Bank is taking the foreign exchange issue in Nigeria extremely seriously.

    Meanwhile, this dollar directive is not isolated and the CBN has been doing all there is to streamline dollar processes in the country. Many Nigerian commercial banks now cap their international dollar outflow for customers at $100 daily.

    But why is the CBN so concerned about dollars?

    For much of 2020, FX instability has remained a major problem for the Nigerian economy. The supply of dollars has been on a decline for months due to low oil prices and the absence of foreign capital inflow into the country.

    Because the sale of crude oil is denominated in dollars and oil sales accounts for 90% of Nigeria’s foreign exchange earnings, a crash in the international price of oil therefore affects Nigeria’s foreign exchange position badly. 

    We have seen the CBN devalue the naira at the official rate to N380, all in avoid the FX speculation. Essentially, $14,000 in any account is big deal, and the CBN might just be coming for Erica.

  • How’s Your Monday Going? Nigeria Still Owes Process & Industrial Development (P&ID) $10 Billion

    How’s Your Monday Going? Nigeria Still Owes Process & Industrial Development (P&ID) $10 Billion

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    Having a bad Monday? Relax. Nigeria still owes P&ID $10 billion. How? Well, by breaching a gas supply contract. But that’s not even all. There’s a lot more to unpack in a case where interest on loan default continues to attract $1.2 million daily. Omo.

    The Tea

    On the 22nd of July 2009, Nigeria signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) with Process and Industrial Developments Limited (P&ID). The MOU was signed on behalf of Nigeria by Dr Rilmanu Lukman, the then Minister of Petroleum Resources, and on behalf of P&ID by Micheal Quinn. The desire of the Nigerian Government was to “develop, construct and operate gas resources at optimal capacity to meet the growth in gas demand at the various level of the economy, including domestic, regional and export market”.

    The government identified a number of oil/gas flare points and wished to eliminate gas flaring by setting up a Liquefied Petroleum Gas (LPG) base, as well as to make lean gas produced available for other domestic uses. P&ID’s job was to process these “wet” gas into “lean gas”.

    The objective of the MOU was for P&ID to construct a Natural Gas Processing Plant and to incorporate two process streams with a total capacity of 400 Million standard cubic feet per day (MMSCuFD), together with all storage utilities and facilities at Calabar.

    First, Who or What or Where Is P&ID?

    Process and Industrial Development (P&ID) is a company many have said specialise in soft work. Incorporated in the British Virgin Islands (BVI), some have called Micheal Quinn, the Irish Father of the company, an “adopted son of Nigeria“. In fact, Quinn is reported to have been friends with Presidents Obasanjo and Yar’Adua.

    Quinn’s story can be mythical, including how he got a contract from the European Union in 1994 to supply steel in a cleaner way in Ireland for $42.5 million but never supplied anything. But this particular ‘bromance’ with Nigeria relates to the utilisation of natural gas.

    You see, in 2008, the Federal Government had grown tired of the amount of the gas that was being flared away (or wasted). The government then sought the intervention of International Oil Companies to help convert these ‘wet’ gas to ‘lean’ gas. 13 companies were granted the gas processing contract, of which P&ID was one.

    Scope of The Work

    The agreement between Nigeria and P&ID had 4 essential scopes:

    a) P&ID shall construct a Natural Gas Processing Plant (NGPP) on the waterside Site, Calabar, allocated by Cross River State Government. The plant shall be constructed on a ‘time of the essence’ basis to ensure the earliest possible delivery to NNPC, or its nominees, of approximately 340 MMSCuFD (C1 and C2) pipeline quality gas for power generation and industrial use by third Parties nominated by NNPC.

    b) To ensure this fastrack is achieved P&ID will construct and incorporate two process streams with a total capacity of 400 MMSCuFD together with all utilities and storage facilities at Calabar.

    c) The Government shall make available at the P&ID Calabar site boundary, 400 MMSCuFD Wet Gas (free of water and condensate), having a minimum C3 (Propane) content of 3.5% mol and C4 (Butane) content of 1.8% mol.

    d) P&ID will process the Feed Gas to be supplied by NNPC and shall provide to NNPC or its nominees approximately 85% of the wet gas feedstock molecular volume in the form of pipeline quality dry gas (C1 and C2 ) at the P&ID Calabar site boundary.

    Essentially, the agreement between Nigeria and P&ID was pretty straightforward if you go by the arrangement above. Nigeria makes available a certain amount of wet gas and P&ID provides approximately 85% dry gas back free.

    But, na overconfidence no make February complete till tomorrow. Things would soon turn sour.

    Section 20 – Arbitration

    Section 20 of the Arbitration stated that:

    Any dispute, difference or controversy arising from the terms of this MOU shall be settled amicably and mutually by both parties. Subject to amicable settlement, at the request of either Party, such dispute, difference or controversy may be submitted for arbitration or adjudication in accordance with the Arbitration Rules contained in the Schedule to the Arbitration and Conciliation Act Cap 19 Laws of the Federation of Nigeria (LFN) 1990.

    3 years later, specifically in March 2013, P&ID activated this arbitration clause and took the case to a court of arbitration in London.

    By its request for Arbitration, P&ID claimed that Nigeria did not make the supply of the wet gas as agreed in the contract, including the building of necessary pipelines, a situation in which it deemed a repudiation or breach of the contract. P&ID estimated that it had spent $40 million on the project, even though it had not yet fulfilled its own part of the contract by acquiring the land or building the facilities for the gas processing.

    P&ID estimated to the court that it would have generated $5 to $6 billion from the contract if it had gone on over the 20-year stipulated period. The case went back and forth over a series of arbitration panels, but in July 2015, an ad hoc tribunal in London decided that Nigeria was liable to damages to P&ID.

    In a majority decision in January 31 2017, the tribunal awarded $6.6 billion in damages to P&ID. The dissenting opinion estimated the loss at $250 million over three years.

    Daddy Bubu Comes On Board – Nigeria’s Moves

    At some point before the expiration of the Jonathan tenure, the administration had already agreed an $850 million out-of-court-settlement for the case. However, the Buhari tenured ignored these settlements upon assumption of office, deciding to file dismissal suits in both UK and Nigerian courts.

    The case went back and forth to arbitration panels, but on June 28 2018, Abubakar Malami, the new Attorney General of the Federation started a formal investigation into P&ID and the Gas Supply Arrangement, at Buhari’s direction. Through this process, a former legal adviser of the Ministry of Petroleum Resources was charged for accepting bribes and failing to follow protocol when he was authorising the agreement. P&ID Nigeria was also convicted on an eleven-count charge of money laundering and fraudulently claiming to have acquired land.

    On December 5, 2019, Nigeria’s legal team filed substantive evidence in the London High Court, stating that the agreement was procured through fraud and corruption. The court set down a time for the case to be considered, and on July 13, 2020, Nigeria formally presented arguments on why it should be permitted to bring its fraud challenge against P&ID outside the normal time limits.

    On September 4, 2020, the English Commercial Court delivers an unprecedented judgement allowing Nigeria permission to proceed with its challenge to the $10 billion arbitral award made against it over three years ago.

    Moral of the Story

    Credit has to be given to the Malami led Ministry of Justice for seeing Nigeria up this point. The EFCC led Magu has also been credited for establishing fraud in the case.

    But the work has not stopped here. Nigeria can only proceed with its challenge to the arbitral award – a sum that equals our budge for health and education. Hopefully, we will begin to start signing better contracts.

  • Living in Canada Can Get Extremely Cold, Especially When You’re 29 And Single- Abroad Life

    Living in Canada Can Get Extremely Cold, Especially When You’re 29 And Single- Abroad Life

    The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.



    The subject of today’s Abroad Life is a 29-year-old woman who moved to Canada when she was 11. She talks about the sudden move, the lack of community growing up, and her biggest problem in Canada: finding love. 

    First things first, for how long have you been in Canada?

    I moved here in 2002, when I was 11. I was just minding my business one day and the people who brought me into this earth said, “Oya pack your bags, let’s go”. It’s not like I could say “Oh no, I’m not going. I want to go and stay with my aunt in Yaba”. That’s how I found myself here.

    Do you know why your family moved? 

    My parents had always had plans to leave, so when the opportunity came, they pursued it. I know that they were always talking about getting us a better education. That was a huge motivating factor. But I was 11 at the time, so I was still trying to figure out how life worked. I knew that in Nigeria, there was no constant electricity, and we were always in traffic, and my mum worked late a lot, so we had to stay at a family friend’s until she came to pick us at night. It was in the middle of this that Canada happened and I was happy we were going abroad. I’m grateful for what they did. 

    Nigeria is great but it obviously has its flaws, just like everywhere.

    Have you been to Nigeria ever since?

    I’ve been there a few times. Maybe 7-8 times in the past 18 years. I’d usually just come back for weddings, burials and major events.

    What’s your fondest memory of Nigeria? 

    My fondest memory of Nigeria was always being at my dad’s office and then attending the office Christmas parties. It was always amazing, because who doesn’t like getting gifts and free food.

    What was it like when you first moved to Canada?

    We started living with my mum’s co-worker. After some time, we moved. I remember having to settle into a new environment and moving to a new school. There was a lot of what you would call culture shock.

    What was shocking?

    I remember standing outside and waiting to go into class and there was a list of all the students on the door. I know it was in grade 7, which is about JSS 1 in Nigeria, and the first problem people had was with my very Yoruba name. I became the centre of attention. I got so many questions, there was some bullying here and there, but you know, that’s what makes a strong woman today. It was awkward. 

    I also had to register English as a second language, although English was in fact my first language and  parents had to come in and be like “she can speak English, it’s just a new environment for her. She’s a bit shy, but that doesn’t mean she can’t speak English.”

    That’s interesting. When did it stop being awkward?

    Not so quickly. I think it took me about six months or a year to understand how things work on this side of the world and just settle. 

    What about the weather?

    I had not seen snow before so that was quite exciting. I remember my friends saying, “let’s take the little African girl to go and see snow. She’s never seen snow before.” 

    They took me to see snow for the first time. It was nice. Then I remember that my parents took me to a store and we got all kinds of winter jackets, padding and multiple layers of clothing. Getting dressed in the morning wasn’t fun and it probably took about 20 minutes to put on all the layers to avoid me from getting frostbitten. It gets quite cold here. 

    Did you ever have an identity problem as a Nigerian in a foreign country?

    Yes I did. Growing up, apart from the one Nigerian family I knew when I moved here, I had no other Nigerian community I could relate with. In school, I was the only Nigerian. There were Ghanians, but I didn’t think it was the same thing. I had to constantly, and intentionally change the way I spoke and the things I said because a lot of people did not understand me. 

    There’s this time I was trying to  compliment a friend and I was like “oh wow I really like your chain” and she was like “chain? What’s that?” and then I pointed to her neck and she was like “oh! You mean my necklace” and it was so confusing. 

    And I’d say things like “can I borrow your biro?” and my friends would ask, “Bible?”

    I had to adjust, but it was just a lot to unravel at once. 

    For the first 6 years I did not leave Canada and having to switch friends was a disadvantage to me cause I remember going back to Nigeria and visiting  my old school reunion and no one remembered me. 

    Wow. Are you a full citizen of Canada now?

    Yes I am. It took me about three to four years. I didn’t have to do much. My mum had to write an exam for me.

    What is a Nigerian reality that shapes your Canadian experience?

    Power outages. It’s always like a movie when the lights go out here. Everyone thinks the world is ending but I’m just like “NEPA has taken light”. There’s also the way kids talk to their parents. The Nigerian in me sees the way people here behave as rude and spoilt, because I know that if I try any of that with my mother, she would have my head on a platter. It’s harder for Nigerians to raise their kids in the Nigerian way here. There’s the respect element, and the street smart element that comes from growing up in Nigeria, and that’s why when kids mess up, their parents always threaten to send them back to Nigeria. 

    What’s the thing about Canadians being extremely nice?

    It’s very true. You’ll do something to a Canadian and they’ll apologise to you. Everyone just tries to get along. People apologize a lot and are very polite. We don’t like drama.

    That’s crazy. Do you know why it’s that way?

    I have a theory. When you go through that many months of winter and extreme cold, you’re grateful for the opportunity to finally come outside of  your house and socialize and see people. People aren’t really out of their houses during winter so when everyone is out, everyone wants to be nice.

    That makes so much sense. 

    What’s the most Canadian thing ever?

    Poutine. It’s a main dish here that people just absolutely love to eat. I don’t really like it. It’s French fries, with a very generous drizzle of gravy, and melted cheese. Canadians love Poutine.  There’s also some lingo for some stuff here that would probably not make sense to people in America. If I went to America and said I wanted a Double Double in a coffee shop, they would be confused. It’s coffee with two cream and two sugar, but it’s just a Canadian thing.

    Haha… So you spoke about raising kids in Canada. Do you plan on doing that?

    Yes. Eventually. But I’m not quite sure when. I’m hoping it happens in  the next few years, but I need a husband first before I get kids, don’t I? 

    What’s up with getting a husband?

    I saw something yesterday that said “God I’m not asking you to bring my husband right now I just need a tracking number”. 

    I go out, I go to church, I hang out with friends I commute to work, I go to the mall, I’m out here but I don’t really know what’s going on. It’s not easy. 

    What relationship experiences have you had?

    I’m basically the CEO of the “God When” committee. I have never been in a relationship, so I’m not even entirely sure I can relate with what you mean when you say “experiences”. And it’s not been a choice. That’s just how it is. I wish I could put a pin on the reason it’s like this but I really can’t. I’m not a hermit; I’m actually very social. But I’m just the fun friend, and people always forget to add the “girl” in front of “friend”. 

    Are you looking for a Nigerian?

    I’m open to anything. Nigerians, and white people are welcome. If you don’t try, you never know. I’m still very Nigerian, even though I have been here for 18 years, so a Nigerian won’t be a bad idea. I also like the Italians. They have a strong sense of family, and community, and some of the other stuff we have running on our side of the world. But honestly, I’m not trying to be picky. I can’t knock it if I haven’t tried it. Deep down though, maybe a Nigerian is the way to go.

    Until then, I’ll keep living my best life, because “who men epp?”. 

    Ouch

    Do you see yourself coming to live in Nigeria at some point?

    I get people asking me this all the time. I love to visit, but after two weeks I’m like “this has been fun” so I have to go back home. You know what they say; “never say never”, but it would have to be something amazing that brings me to Nigeria and makes me stay there.

    So what benefits do being a Canadian offer you that being Nigerian doesn’t.

    I could go all day!  A blue passport is definitely up there. Then free education, free healthcare, and constant electricity.

    What does a blue passport give you?

    I get to travel to almost anywhere in the world without a visa. It’s amazing. I still have my Nigerian passport and I’m grateful for it sha

    There’s also free health care. But sometimes the weather will make you question your life like “is it really worth it?”

    There’s a sense of security and confidence in systems to work. Then there’s exposure to a mix of races and types of people, and that’s awesome too. 

    Also being in a place where things work, constant electricity as well being able to meet other people that aren’t Nigerians definitely exposes you. The government makes decisions for the betterment of things. It’s really nice here. 

    More Nigerians should come to Canada. 10/10 would recommend it. 

    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.

  • Should Nigeria Keep Paying For Petrol Subsidy?

    Should Nigeria Keep Paying For Petrol Subsidy?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    Yesterday, we wrote about the increase in fuel prices, why it is coming at this time, including its possible implications for fuel marketers, traders and everyone. We have also written about the hike in electricity prices and the reasons why electricity is being increased at this period. But still, the electricity and fuel price increase don’t look like they will stop generating a lot of controversy all over the country anytime soon.

    Tea Protest

    As at this morning, there are reports that Senators are protesting the fuel price hike, stating that their constituents deem them “rubber stamp senators” by acceding to everything the Buhari government does, and that there could be an emergency sitting next week to review these twin prices in fuel and electricity. And while the Nigerian Labour Congress have stated the government is “taking us for a ride” and how there can’t be “industrial peace and harmony” with this directive, other political leaders have voiced support for the price increases, including Dapo Abiodun, the Governor of Ogun State. Atiku Abubakar and Kingsley Moghalu have also criticised and supported the increases respectively.

    Why Is Fuel Subsidy Always A Recurring Issue?

    Look, the exact origins of fuel subsidy are still lost in the pages of history. The most plausible origin story out there is that the Babangida regime introduced a fuel subsidy for 6 months to reduce rising oil prices. I have even sat through a TV interview where the the person being interviewed challenged the interviewer to go do his research and pull out any law backing fuel subsidy in Nigeria – and that there is absolutely none.

    Be that as it may, it is clear and somewhat ironical that a policy without legal backing is arguably the most believed policy in Nigeria. Nigerians protested like their lives depended on it in 2011 when fuel subsidy was removed and the Jonathan government increased fuel prices from N65 to N97.

    And 9 years after, we are still in the same, exact place.

    Should Fuel Subsidy Be Removed? (Well, It Actually Has)

    Earlier this year, the Minister of State for Petroleum, Timipre Sylva, stated that fuel subsidy has been removed in the country. Using the low oil prices as an opportunity to back out of paying fuel subsidy was an irresistible move, and the Federal Government jumped on the wave appropriately. But , no one really muttered any word against this move – because oil prices were low and the removal couldn’t be felt at the point. PPPRA even reduced oil prices in May.

    But here we are, in September, and the reality is finally dawning on all of us. Oil prices are steadily getting back up, FX challenges for oil importation is setting in, and worse, there’s the reality that the subsidy has slowly but surely been removed.

    Buy yktv. Nigerians and labour leaders will cry out about fuel subsidies hurting the poor, and this might lead to another round of protests or not. But how I see it, subsiding fuel consumption still does not make sense. We import the fuel we use with hard earned foreign exchange and still try to regulate the price, and it goes on and on.

    Worse, the rich Nigerian enjoys this benefit more than the poor. They own, say, 5 cars and use more fuel. Wouldn’t it be smarter if we poured this money into critical road infrastructure, health care and education? And I know many people would rather they paid low oil prices because they can be sure they are at least enjoying government benefit in some way. But this is clearly not sustainable. It is also not the smartest way to use resources, for a poor country like Nigeria.

    My educated opinion is that subsidy should be removed. But if Nigeria does not fix the rot in the downstream oil sector, taking away subsidy will feel like choking people. And nobody voted for Kiddwaya. Wait, what?

  • Fuel Depot Price Is Now 151 Naira. Should We Run To Togo?

    Fuel Depot Price Is Now 151 Naira. Should We Run To Togo?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    The ex-depot price of Premium Motor Spirit (PMS) or Petroleum is now N151.56 per litre. Of course, you won’t find this dark news on the PPMC’s website (except you go on the dark web, haha). But the Petroleum Pricing Marketing Company is the subsidiary of the NNPC empowered to “profitably and efficiently market refined petroleum products” in Nigeria, and they have dealt us their hand, albeit via kurukere and under g means.

    Peep the “Internal Memorandum”:

    How Does This Affect The Price of Garri In The Market?

    Tbh, this news shouldn’t come as a surprise. NNPC’s Mele Kyari had announced since April that there was no more subsidy on fuel products, which means that government was no more paying the difference between the Expected Open Market Price (EOMP) of fuel and the pump price.

    Basically, how fuel subsidy works is that government pays the difference between the EOMP and the pump price (or retail price), so that you, the consumer and citizen, does not not end up paying an overly exorbitant price for fuel.

    The EOMP contains the purchase, landing and distribution cost of refined petroleum. The government pays a part of this price so that the end price is bearable to Nigerians. This end price is then the “pump price or retail price” of fuel, and all of this prices are regulated by the PPPRA – Petroleum Products Pricing and Regulatory Agency. Of course, the agency responsible for the pricing of petroleum products in Nigeria.

    Again I ask, Will Garri Be More Expensive?

    Pardon my fixation with Garri. I really like Garri I can’t lie, even though not like some oga I know whose name start with a certain F. But, is this fuel price increase bearable?

    Tbh there has never been a good time to increase product prices anywhere in the world. I mean, I have never heard a Nigerian market woman talk about good sales during Xmas. Its the same old “Market is not moving this year o”.

    But this roughly N151 per litre ex-depot price increase is particularly notable because crude oil is only selling at $45. So why should fuel prices be increasing this much when the cost of the underlying commodity, crude oil, is still low. I mean, China has to buy crude oil before refining and selling back to Nigerian marketers. So why this high retail cost? And then it struck me – foreign exchange.

    Note that fuel price increase for August was N138.52 per litre. And so what we have in Sepetember is a N13.04 increase. Meanwhile, June’s recommended fuel price was N121.50 per litre. So what is the message? It is that the landing cost keeps getting higher? Perhaps because of the devaluation of the naira and the increase in dollar.

    But this price would have been offset if there was a subsidy, which there currently isn’t. What’s more? The PPPRA who stated that they would be issuing monthly “market based guiding price for petroleum” have not issued anything for two months now.

    And We Have Been Talking About Ex-Depot Price

    Note: Ex-depot price, not retail or pump price.

    Essentially, oil marketers like your ‘filling stations’ will still have to input additional prices after purchasing a litre of oil from the depot at N151.56. Many of them have stated that retail price are in para mode and they have stated that retail price may go as high as N160, as they will add “whatever the NNPC has added to the depot price”.

    Well, we just have to wait and see, and drink more Garri. Nothing is impossible with MBuhari on the throne.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.

  • Is The DSS Abusing Its Powers?

    Is The DSS Abusing Its Powers?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    So, its fair to say that it is becoming standard procedure to be invited by the Department of State Services (DSS) if one makes any comment that is deemed to be targeted at the Government, or that is considered ‘hate speech’ or inciteful or any other related kind of public statement.

    But, in short, we still do not know the exact reason why the DSS invites people over comments. But let’s find out.

    Origin of the SSS (or DSS)

    The State Security Service (SSS) was created in June 1986 by Decree 19 of the Ibrahim Babangida Military administration. This decree dissolved the National Security Organization into three different splinter security organizations under the office of the Co-ordinator of National Security.

    These security organizations were: The State Security Service, The National Intelligence Agency and the Defence Intelligence Agency.

    Ironically, the SSS is now commonly known by many Nigerians as the DSS (Department of State Security) – a name that is still controversial and many say is not in line with the law.

    Mandate of the SSS

    The major mandate of the SSS is in Subsection (3) of the National Security Organizations Act which charges it with the responsibility for:

    a) the prevention and detection within Nigeria of any crime against the internal security of Nigeria;

    b) the protection and preservation of all non-military classified matters concerning the internal security of Nigeria; and

    (c) such other responsibilities affecting internal security within Nigeria as the National Assembly or the President, as the case may be, may deem necessary.

    Is The DSS Abusing Its Powers?

    Within the past few weeks, we have seen repeated invites from the ‘DSS’ to people who were deemed to have made hate speeches and/or inciteful comments.

    Obadiah Mailafia, a former CBN deputy Governor and Presidential candidate was invited by the department over claims he made on a radio interview that he had intelligence that a sitting governor is a commander of terrorist group – Boko Haram.

    Just recently, news also surfaced online that celebrities Don Jazzy and Tiwa Savage were allegedly invited by the outfit over comments and claims made about the President Buhari administration. The report further claims that these celebrities were warned to be careful with their social media posts and that a certain #WeAreTired hashtag has been discontinued by Tiwa Savage.

    But, given that the DSS has recorded huge wins in the past, including the October 2010 interception of a large shipment of ammunitions from Iran through the Apapa port, one cannot argue that the security outfit can not be effective when it wants to be.

    We just hope that intelligence and counter-intelligence activities are properly balanced with human right considerations, and the freedom of all Nigerians to many rights, including speech, and subject to all relevant laws of the land, including the constitution.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.

  • The Naira Is In A Toxic Relationship With The Dollar. What Should You Do?

    The Naira Is In A Toxic Relationship With The Dollar. What Should You Do?

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    CTRL J – Japa

    Last Friday, Jason Njoku, the CEO of Video-on-Demand platform Iroko TV dropped a not-really-bombshell bombshell on Twitter. He announced via a blog post and Twitter threads that the tech company is fully exiting (read: leaving) Africa after so many years of losses and losses.

    Amidst a series of reasons about why the company loses about $300k monthly because of its Africa operations, Jason Njoku spoke of how the CBN Naira devaluations of this year and the previous years have greatly affected the business. For example, in 2015, a N3,000 annual plan was introduced for customers, which was converted at $18 (N166/$). In 2017, that N3,000 plan became $8.33 (N360/$). Today that N3,000 plan is $6.3 (N477/$). And there’s still more devaluation coming, allegedly.

    You can see what happens when a currency keeps falling to another. Money keeps leaving the table. Miraculously.

    Why Is The Naira Always Falling To The Dollar?

    One phrase – Demand Imbalance.

    Nigerians generally need dollars to meet a lot of obligations – including for international school fees, business travels, medical expenses, international airlines tickets, student maintenance allowance, including the importation of crucial raw materials.

    What’s more? There is no actual dollars to meet those demands. Our traditional means of gaining dollars which gives us 90% of foreign exchange earnings is through the sale of crude oil, but the Covid-19 pandemic means we are selling less oil for even lesser prices.

    Our other sources are all depleted at this time. The Forex reserves which is supposed to serve as a buffer in these times has a little over $36 billion dollars in its coffers, an amount certainly not enough to bridge the dollar demand gap.

    All of this means that when the market smells a dollar scarcity, traders begin to hoard the dollar. The price then goes up and and you need more Naira to buy it. The Naira’s bandwidth is then widened through devaluation to allow for a purchase of dollars, and cycle continues.

    How Will You Survive These Times?

    Tbh, we don’t know. You can send a mail to Godwin.Emefiele@cbn.gov, or pray that oil prices miraculously begin to trade for around $70 and above. But, reading all of our Naira Life stories is a good place to start. May the force be with you, and with us.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • #Politics101: Sanwo-Olu Says Schools Can Resume, And More

    #Politics101: Sanwo-Olu Says Schools Can Resume, And More

    1. Time To Go And Meet Your Favorite Lecturer

    You, yes you. You have had peace of mind for the last 6 months. But in the next three weeks you will try to submit your assignment after the deadline and someone will shout “Will you get out of my office?!”

    Why? Because the Governor of Lagos State, Babajide Sanwo-Olu has directed the re-opening of academic activities in the State, as from September 14. This resumption will be for tertiary institutions in the State, after which primary and Secondary schools in the state can resume from September 21 – subject to continuing review.

    Sanwo-Olu made the statement at the Lagos State Marina House while addressing Lagosians on report from lockdown restrictions. He also said tourism and hospitality businesses will open shortly.

    For more on our campus stories, read Aluta and Chill.

    2. Conjoined Twins Separated, Again, In Yola

    The Federal Medical Center Yola has successfully separated another set of conjoined twins, the third time since 2013 and 2018.

    These conjoined twins were brought from Yenogoa, in Bayelsa State, and are children of Mr Raphael Ayebaiemi and Mrs Godsgift Ibiyyefa who are unemployed secondary school leavers.

    The twins were airlifted by the Nigerian Air Force back back to Bayelsa State, after they had initially been taken to Yola free of charge by the same Nigerian Air Force.

    The Mother of the twins has also stated that the successful operation saved her from being called a witch and an evil person.

    3. Ghana Replies Nigeria: “This You?”

    The Ghanaian Information Minister, Kojo Nkrumah, has replied his Nigerian counterpart, Alhaji Lai Mohammed, stating that Ghana is committed to maintaining friendly relations with all of its sister countries, including Nigeria.

    Recall that issues like the demolition of the Nigerian High Commission building in Ghana and the exhorbitant licence fees charged on Nigerian traders are among some of the issues causing the row between the two countries.

    The minister said the land of the high commission was not demolished by the government but by the “Osu stool”, and that the Ghanaian President will speak to Buhari on friendly relations between the two countries.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • Everything We Know About The Helicopter Crash In Opebi

    Everything We Know About The Helicopter Crash In Opebi

    An helicopter has crashed into a residential building on 16A, Salvation Road in Opebi today, the twenty-eight of August, 2020. The helicopter which came in from Port Harcourt was reported as belonging to Quorum Aviation. A Bell 206, with registration number 5N BQW, and it carried two crew members and a passenger.

    Here is a tweet from Gboyega Akosile, the Chief Press Secretary to Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu:

    The crash happened around 12pm. The Public Relations Officer of the Lagos State Emergency Management Agency, Nosa Okunbor, confirmed that LASEMA operatives have been deployed to the scene.

    According to the General Manager of LASEMA, Olufemi Oke-Osanyintolu, the team was “able to rescue one person alive and he has been transferred to the Lagos state teaching hospital where he is receiving adequate treatment, but it is pertinent to note that we recovered two bodies and they have been deposited at the mortuary. Based on the investigation carried out, it was due to the impact that led to their mortalities.”

    He stressed that stressed that “people on the ground were not affected by the crash.”

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  • Nigerians, Forget Canada. Come to the Philippines- Precious’ Abroad Life

    Nigerians, Forget Canada. Come to the Philippines- Precious’ Abroad Life

    The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.



    The subject of today’s Abroad Life went from living and studying in Anambra to moving to the Philippines where she’s a pharmacy student. She tells us why more Nigerians need to move to the Philippines and why she’s returning to Nigeria soon.

    First things first, what are you doing in the Philippines?

    I’m studying. I’ve been studying in the Philippines for the past five years now. I got here in 2015 and finished my BSc. in Pharmacy in 2019.  Now, I’m doing my Masters in Pharmacy. 

    Why did you choose to study in the Philippines?

    I started studying in Tansian University which is a private university in Anambra State in Nigeria. I was there for 6 months before I left Nigeria. It’s not like I went there to get a degree, though. My parents and I already knew that Tansian University was running this program where people study in the University for a while, and then move to the Philippines to continue and finish, and that’s why I was there in the first place. My parents told me they were just looking for a better place for me to study, outside Nigeria. 

    Along the line, the process of moving from Tansian to the Philippines became weird and riddled with complications so I just dropped whatever plans I had with them, left, and reached out to a family friend who had been in the Philippines for about three months. He handled everything from processing my papers to the admission itself.  It’s funny, because some of the friends I have here are people I met at Tansian University.

    That’s Interesting. Why did a family friend there have to do all that processing for you?

    That’s how it’s done in the Philippines and that’s why I needed the Tansian University connection because they know all the tricks.  You need someone here to apply for you; you can’t apply for admission and do all that processing from outside. For that, you need some kind of solicitor to help you get an admission letter, stand in for you in court, get the Special Power of Attorney and all that.

    Wow. 

    So what was the process like?

    First of all he sent the admission letter, and then other important documents. Then I had to go to the Philippine embassy somewhere in Abuja, get interviewed for a few minutes and then they asked me to come back after a week for my visa. For some people, it takes about  four days, for some it takes two weeks. Mine took one week, so I stayed with my uncle in Abuja. 

    Do you remember how much you spent for the whole process?

    I didn’t do any of the spending, my parents did. But I would say we spent roughly one million at that time. 

    So from the time you got the visa up until the time you left Nigeria, how long was that?

    One week.  I was almost ready to leave before applying for the visa because we were sure I was going to get it, because I already had an admission over here. So by the time I was having my visa interview in Abuja, my flight was already booked and my bags were already packed back home in Anambra. I got back home, stayed for about one week, and I left.

    One week, damn! 

    The goodbyes must have been tough.

    I didn’t say any goodbyes o! You know how you’re never meant to let anyone know you’re travelling in this Nigeria? My parents made sure of that. Apart from my parents and my five siblings, the only person that knew I was leaving was my uncle in Lagos, and that was because it was in his house we slept the night before my flight the next morning. 

    It was my first time going outside Nigeria and even detaching from my family. The only other time I’d left them was when I was in the other University, and even then, I saw them every other week because we were in the same state, so this was a new reality for me. It wasn’t tough though. I was excited to leave, but not because I think Nigeria is bad. It was more because I wanted something fresh. 

    I also didn’t have any close friends, so that made it less emotional.

    So what was it like, as a Nigerian, going into a country you’d never been before?

    First thing I would love to say, these are the most receptive, welcoming and friendliest people you’ll ever meet. I got here and I just felt like everyone here knew me or something like that. Compared to experiences I’ve heard from Nigerians in European and Asian countries, I would say that I’m living the life. If you check online and you’ll find out that they’re one of the friendliest countries in the world. 

    The family friend who helped with my admission picked me up from the airport and then we drove from Manila to San Fernando City where my school was. The next day, we went sightseeing and I completed some medical check ups. 

    I won’t lie, I got irritated at first with the number of questions they asked. You meet Filipino and they want to ask you a thousand questions, they are very inquisitive. They are extremely curious, but I had to learn that they were not asking the questions to annoy me. They were genuinely curious. In the first few days after I got there, I found out that a lot of them had only seen black people on TV or when they were watching basketball. So seeing me, a real black girl with my black girl hair? Jackpot!  They wanted to know everything and there were no boundaries between personal questions and general questions. 

    I walked into a mall, on the second day of my arrival and this security guard stopped me. I was scared, thinking “What have I done now?”. Next thing, she’s saying “How are you?”, “How old are you?”, “Why are you here?”, “What  did you do to your hair?”. 

    One more thing I must mention is the simplicity of life here and how far it is from the Nigerian reality. You would see actual billionaires sitting on a bus with you. One day, I passed a governor’s house and I didn’t even know. 

    I have classmates who are children of billionaires and you’ll see them repeating the same cycle of just a few clothes and hanging with everyone like it’s nothing. You’ll only find out that they’re billionaire children from gossip around. 

    It’s nice to hear that you have only good experiences

    I can’t speak for every Nigerian here, you know. Someone might be having a different experience, because they approach things differently, or because they’re in a different city. 

    That makes sense. 

    What language do they speak?

    They have two national languages; English and Filipino. A lot of people also speak Tagalog. But school and day-to-day interaction happens in English. Teachers have to teach in English. If a class is going on and the instructor is teaching in Tagalog, you can tell them you’re not comfortable with it and they have to switch to English. 

    How do you move around?

    Mainly buses and tricycles. And they’re available round the clock. My city is very safe, so I can be on the road by 2am and be sure nothing is happening to me. Most schools here don’t have hostels so I stay outside school. 

    Let’s talk about food. I know Asian countries have an array of food. How are you living with that?

    That was a bit of a challenge when I first got here. But I had to adapt over time. There’s stuff like okra and tomato but they’re different from what we have in Nigeria. What you’ll find though, is rice. Rice everywhere. You probably won’t go a day here without eating rice. If you try to avoid rice, you’ll probably starve. Rice cake, rice candy, rice everything. There’s also beans, but the type of beans they have, you’ll have to cook it till you almost run out of gas, so we don’t really try to eat beans. 

    There’s no garri. There is cassava here but they use theirs for bread so if you want to make garri you need to process it from cassava and not everyone has time for that, so what we do is we grind rice. Other people eat wheat. So we eat either ground rice or wheat. 

    There’s always the option to buy African foodstuff, but that’s always expensive. So I learnt to make about eight Filipino dishes. I learnt them from my neighbour. They’re pretty nice. 

    What’s the cost of living there like?

    There’s a provision for everyone here, no matter the level of your finances. You can live according to your means. Right now, the exchange rate is really bad,  but when I came, you could get a nice bachelor apartment for N50,000 per month. There’s also a system where people share apartments and split payments, so if you can’t afford the regular amount, you can go for that. 

    How easy is getting a paying job as a foreign student?

    Have skills. That’s just what I’ll say. photography, graphic design, coding, writing. Have as many skills as possible. 

    First of all, nobody expects students to have jobs, so finding a job as a student is already hard. Then there’s an unemployment problem in the Philippines, as well, so the competition is tough, and somehow, you know that an employer would probably give a Filipino a job before you, a foreign student. 

    What’s the weather like?

    It’s a tropical country and the weather is almost like Nigeria’s. It can just be a bit extreme sometimes. 

    There’s a hot and dry season where it feels like the sun is eating your skin. 

    Then during the rainy season where it gets extremely extreme. This is the first year I haven’t experienced a typhoon. 

    Wow. 

    So, after your Masters do you want to come back to Nigeria?

    Yes, but primarily because I need to take my licensing exam. You can’t take your Pharmacy licensing exam here if you’re not a citizen. Whatever I’ll do after that, I don’t know. But I’m coming to take my licensing exam first. 

    What’s the worst part about living in the Philippines?

    I have to pause to think for a bit, but I think it would be the fact that there isn’t a strong motive to accept and ingrain foreign culture. They’ll accept you and everything, but they really want you to come, enjoy your stay and leave.  Even if you get married to a Filipino,  you’re not going to get your citizenship, I think the highest you can get is a work permit or National ID. People don’t really seek to build a career or a future here. 

    What do you miss the most about Nigeria?

    My parents. 

    Aww. 

    Are there a lot of Nigerians living in the Philippines? 

    In the past 3 years, I have seen a high surge of Nigerians moving here. It’s nice to see. I just want Nigerians to be open to the idea of coming over here to study. When people hear Asia, they just think China, Japan, Korea, but the Philippines is a real hidden gem and I want people to know that. 

    I want people to know and have a little more knowledge about the Philippines and be open about  learning more about this place.

    I might be leaving here soon, but I want Nigerians to come here and experience what I experienced. A new reality. 

    Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.

  • We Need To Talk About The Crime of Defilement

    We Need To Talk About The Crime of Defilement

    At some point, Nigeria will have to declare a national emergency on the crime of defilement.

    For starters, I actually thought “defilement” was just another sensational term used on newspaper headlines, but it actually is a criminal offence. Section 137 of the Lagos Criminal Law (2015), for instance, prescribes an imprisonment for life for anyone convicted on the offence of “Defilement of a child”.

    And yes, a lot of defilement has been going on in Nigeria.

    Meet Prophet Idowu And Other Annointed Men of God

    On Wednesday, the Lagos State Police Command arraigned a Nduka Anyanwu before the State Magistrate Court in Yaba for allegedly impregnating two sisters of, guess their age – 13 and 17 years. Anyanwu who is a Pastor was said to have slept with the girls on multiple times, impregnating them in the process. Worst thing is that the mother of the girl refused the arrest because he’s a Pastor and he promised to marry one of them.

    Meanwhile, there is a Prophet Idowu of the “Victorious Sacred Solemn Healing and Deliverance Ministry” who was arrested in February 2016 for “putting two sisters in the family way” (kinda thing you say to clear your conscience when you want to put rat poison in someone’s tea). This man also wanted to sell the victim’s father’s property – but one crime per pastor a day. Ahan.

    There is also Prophet Ebenezer Ajigbotoluwa, founder and General Overseer of the Church of Lord who was arrested for defiling and impregnating two sisters, this same August. This one allegedly told a family of six to move into the church premises to avoid being ‘afflicted’ by the same sickness, after which he started afflicting the family’s girls of ages 13 and 16.

    And there’s Pastor Jeremiah Godman Iziduh of the House of David Full Gospel Church who held a widow and her five daughters captive in Edo State, impregnated two of the girls while claiming that they were sown as seeds to his church by their late father (and so he sowed his seeds to them?). He also collected the documents of every property left by the late father and husband, and claimed that they were all sown as seeds to his church.

    Things Are Happening

    Look, there’s many more of these things happening in Nigeria. And its really not just Pastors. Terrible men are really destroying the lives of Nigerian girls by sleeping with them, getting them pregnant, and destroying their chances of proper education and a good future. And if that’s not a menace then I don’t know what is.

    Meanwhile, let me go and look for the sex story of another Prophet Bartholomew Endurance Izanga. I’m sure there’s one out there. There always is.

  • “Hay God, Will I Be Paying More For Electricity By September?”

    “Hay God, Will I Be Paying More For Electricity By September?”

    I’m already broke from all the girls I’m chasing, and so I’m really concerned if we will actually be paying more for electricity by September. But it turns out there’s no answer on Obasanjo’s internet for that. In fact, the more you look, the less you see – even if you’re wearing binoculars.

    Backstory

    So reports filtered in early Wednesday morning that the President had approved electricity tariff increase by September 1. Now, an electricity tariff increase was supposed to have gone ahead by April 1 this year, but it was moved to July because of the economic challenges caused by the Covid 19 pandemic and the opinion that Nigerians were cash-strapped (or broke) at the moment. The July tariff increase was later postponed to the first quarter of 2021 after the National Assembly met with the regulators and concluded that the “time was not right” because of, again, economic challenges caused by Covid 19.

    Multi-Year Tariff Order

    You may be wondering what soil these tariff increases grow from, and how they come about? Well, according to the Electric Power Sector Reform Act which was enacted in 2005 after NEPA was unbundled (bet you still say “UP NEPA”), the National Electricity Regulatory Commission (NERC) is empowered by Section 76 of the Act to establish a methodology for determining electricity tariffs within the Nigerian Electricity Supply Industry.

    The NERC subsequently came up with what they called the “Multi Year Tariff Order” which is basically a 15 year effective pricing plan for Nigeria’s electricity industry, subject to review every 5 years – accounting for inflation, interest rates, exchange rates and generation capacity.

    The last tariff increase was in 2015 and the next one was supposed to be this year – 2020. However: “men plan and Covid plans, but Covid is the best of planners”.

    “And the borrower shall be a servant of the lender”

    Ordinarily, and going by the facts above, we shouldn’t be seeing any electricity tariff increase till the first quarter of 2020 – which means I can go on with my lau lau spending. But Nigeria wants a $3 billion loan from the World Bank, and electricity tariff increases are reportedly part of World Bank’s conditions for giving this money. That meins, we die there.

    I mean, the release from the NERC yesterday night says it all. The government does not want to increase electricity tariffs, but it also wants to fulfill loan conditions, and so it has come out with an ambiguous statement on how there will be no tariffs for the “poor and vulnerable” and how Buhari has directed an end to estimated billing and has ordered mass metering. The communique by NERC also stated the tariff increases will be conducted by the DISCOS on per customer basis. But when, at what specific price and at which electricity customer class, we still do not know.

    All of this reminds me of the exact same issue we have with PMS where fuel subsidies have been removed but fuel prices are still being regulated. Instead of us to fix the underlying issues in a sector, we will rather paper the cracks. “Nigeria – my country, my country”.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • 6 Brilliant Ways To Answer The Question: “Who’s Bankrolling You?”

    6 Brilliant Ways To Answer The Question: “Who’s Bankrolling You?”

    First, a primer:

    In light of that incident, here are few ways to respond whenever someone asks you a difficult question.

    1) Faint.

    Tested and trsuted method.

    2) Say you have to take permission from Oga at the top.

    If you speak, you’ll be in big trouble.

    3) Ask the person to turn off their mic.

    It’s okay, Mr speaker.

    4) Feign an illness.

    Works like a charm.

    5) Threaten to curse them for 600 years.

    I go scatter ya teeth.

    6) If all fails, scatter everything.

    No shaking, one Nigeria.

  • FFK’s Video Is Proof That APC and PDP Should Be Thrown Away

    FFK’s Video Is Proof That APC and PDP Should Be Thrown Away

    If you haven’t seen the video, find it below, but yes, Femi Fani-Kayode (FFK) really showed the darkest side to him when a Journalist asked him if his recent visit to Cross River and other PDP states were being sponsored, or “bankrolled”.

    The thing is, there’s too many things that can be taken away from this horrific video, including the utter disrespect that many politicians have for Nigerian Journalists and the overbloated ego of a political class that don’t even think they are bigger than the laws of the land, but that they are in fact the laws of the land.

    But what is an even bigger takeaway from this video, for me, is the fact that Nigerians must starting thinking of political parties different from the APC and the PDP, starting from yesterday. If FFK had not been beautifully caught on camera, he would have continued to join the rest of the country in condemning Buhari against Press freedom and so many other things. Alas, he’s just another closet tyrant who is incapable of handling the slightest taste of power.

    We really just need a new orientation about things. We need leadership that is humane. We need political leaders who are careful of their words, especially in public. We need political leaders who are not power drunk, even when not in power. We need political leaders who will carefully explain issues when they feel slighted, or even excuse the meeting when their emotions are on the line.

    We need a lot of really good political leadership in Nigeria. But I doubt we can get it from anybody in APC or PDP. From anybody we have around right now. Sadly, really.

    Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • The Nigerian Police Is Recruiting: We Want These 7 Interview Questions

    The Nigerian Police Is Recruiting: We Want These 7 Interview Questions

    The Nigerian Police is currently recruiting, and we want a clean slate from the past. These questions must be asked if we are serious about integrity and professionalism in the force.

    1. “Are you hopelessly addicted to 50 Naira?”

    Obviously, he won’t say he is. But check his eyes, if he describes 50 Naira with so much passion and gusto, and his eyes light up with lust, that’s an incoming thief. He is high on mutilated N50 Naira. Boot him out!

    2. “Who Is Kcee? Do you know his brother E-money?

    He will try to hide his admiration for Kcee (“Alhaji Bureau de Changer”) and his elder brother E-money. But pay attention to his lips, if he smirks it any suggestively then he’s somebody who will leave the force to open doors for rich people. He’s a door opener, not a police. Get that man out!

    3. “Are tattoos from the Devil?”

    If he says no earrings, no tattoos and no dreadlocks and anyone who has them on is suspect, that’s a SARS material. He will be a menace on the streets. Sack that man before you’ve even given him a job!

    4. “Is virginity Important?”

    If he says virginity is a material fact, and that he has to ask about virginity once he questions any girl, that man is going to be a benefit policeman, and a terror to our girls. Sweep him out!

    5. Tell him to say “Park”

    If he shouts “Parrrrrrrk!”, and the veins in his head is bulging out and his eyes are almost coming out of their socket, that’s a baby tyrant. He will stop every car and tax every driver, even more than Sanwo-Olu. Show that man the exit!

    6. “Road or air travel, which do you prefer?”

    If he says he “so much” likes road travel and that he likes Nigeria’s rough and rugged inter-state roads, he’s going to be an inter-state extortionist. Decline his application before he extorts all the drivers on Nigerian roads.

    7. “Oga or Boss, which is correct?”

    If he says he likes calling his superiors “Oga”, you’re looking at a Makanaki. He will start a bribery ring with his “Oga”, and they’ll share it 70-30. He understands how to pay tithe in the Devil’s kingdom. Sack than man, now!

    Jara

    Check his wrist and see if he’s wearing a wrist watch. If he’s not, he will run away from the crime scene and come back hours after the criminals have gone. He’s a scammer, that one.

    But we know the Nigerian Police Force won’t ask these tough questions. That means, God safe us from this incoming batch of members of the police force who will certainly not be our friends, as always.

  • Nigeria’s Economy Shrank 6% From April To June. What Does That Mean?

    Nigeria’s Economy Shrank 6% From April To June. What Does That Mean?

    On Monday, the Nigerian Bureau of Statistics released GDP figures for Q2 2020 (April – June), and the outcomes were not so surprising. Gross Domestic Product (GDP) decreased by 6.10% from the exact same period last year, ending a 3-year trend of low but positive economic growth recorded since the 2016/17 recession (remember that dark time when son of men would rather eat rice with dollars, not stew?).

    Fat Kids Are Shrinking

    The thing is, every fat kid in the class is shrinking. The US economy shrank by 32.9% April to June 2020, the worst on record since 1945. The UK’s trade heavy economy also deflated 20.4% within the same period, and South Africa’s reserve bank sees a 32.6% economic contraction in the 2nd quarter.

    But even though Nigeria was already the lean Kenyan (or Nigerian) marathoner in the class, the coronavirus lockdowns, particularly in April and May, is doing everyone dirty. Economies are not generally forecast to get back on their full feet until well into 2021.

    Don’t Rush, Slow Touch, Something On Something

    You probably did one of the online challenges to keep yourself sane during the lockdown. Well, thanks to you and many other benevolent Nigerians, Telecommunications (within the ICT sector), grew by 18.1% compared to 9.7% in the first three months of 2020. Meaning that the telecoms guys were cashing out dirty from our online challenges, video calls and long distance calls to loved ones during the lockdown.

    The ICT sector itself contributed N15.9 trillion to the economy, making it the only sector alongside financial services, crop production and ‘others’ to grow within within the quarter.

    Again, double your hustle, triple it if you wish. But don’t expect miracles on economic recovery until well into 2021.

    Check back every morning by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • #Politics101: Aisha Buhari’s Shalaye, Sanusi Visits El-Rufai, Serial Killer Re-Arrested, and More

    #Politics101: Aisha Buhari’s Shalaye, Sanusi Visits El-Rufai, Serial Killer Re-Arrested, and More

    Every Monday morning, Zikoko’s new Citizen “Politics 101” will curate the biggest news stories that made the rounds over the weekend, including the most significant news stories we’re tracking in the new week.


    1. Omo, Aisha Buhari Really Went Abroad And Came Back To Tell Us Not To Go Abroad

    Aisha Buhari is really trying to fumble up our bag, or at least that’s what it seems. Per a Sahara Reporters investigation, Aisha Buhari had reportedly flown out the country to Dubai, violating Covid-19 lock down regulations in the process, while using neck pain as an alibi when she actually went to purchase wedding items for her daughter’s upcoming wedding ceremony. According to SaharaReporter’s source, Aisha Buhari’s “neck doctor” is in London and not Dubai, and the travel was not an health emergency but to purchase luxury items.

    Look, we’re losing track. The real gist is that the first lady came back from this medical trip and started talking a big game about funding challenges in the health sector and how healthcare providers should access the fund.

    https://twitter.com/aishambuhari/status/1297248332897812480

    But erm, eskiss Ma, you’re the FIRST LADY OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. Even if you had facilitated funding for just one hospital and then subsequently went ahead to treat yourself at that hospital, wouldn’t that have been patriotic and a great show of leadership by example? Ugh, I will never get it with Nigerian leaders, man. Its horrendous.

    2. Sanusi Visits El-Rufai…In Kaduna

    Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, remember him? The Emir of Kano dethroned in March this year for reasons more blurry than when you take a selfie with a Sagem camera (if Sagem phones ever had one). Well, he visited the Governor of Kaduna State, Mallam Nasir El-Rufai on Sunday, talmbout solidarity visit and all.

    There’s really not much to take away from the meeting tbh, except that Sanusi quipped that the NBA should not have disinvited El-Rufai from its Annual General Conference and that they should have used the opportunity to hear his own side of the story. The story being the Southern Kaduna killings and the subsequent protest by many lawyers that they won’t attend the conference if El-Rufai remains billed as a guest speaker – courtesy of their opinion that he has handled the insecurity issues in the state in a very disdainful manner.

    3. Wait, another Kunle Afolayan Flick? Oh Its Not

    Police on Sunday rearrested Sunday Shodipe (any idea why Sunday was re-arrested on Sunday?), an alleged serial killer who had escaped police custody on August 11. Sunday Shodipe is said to have masterminded killings in Akinyele Local Government Area of Oyo State.

    TL/DR: Sunday had earlier narrated how he conducted his operations of killing more than 5 people. He said he worked for an herbalist who recited some incantations on him and gave him a shovel to kill people. He said he turns his back on people and closes his eye for 5 seconds after killing them before he carries them to the herbalist. Asked if he wasn’t scared if he’ll be caught, he said the herbalist assured him that nobody will see him while doing the act.

    Look, there’s way more grim stuff, and you can read them here. But my managing editor will kill me if she finds out I’m writing about herbalist-y things. This is a safe website, plis.

    Fisi + Jara

    IPOB clash with security forces in Enugu. Pastor Olukoya clears air on fraud allegations.

    Check back every Monday morning by 10am for more #Politics101 stories.