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Shola, Author at Zikoko!
  • All The Ups And Downs That Come With Being A Z!KOKO Writer

    Based on a true life story…

    1) You, when you get a Z!koko job and you think your work is play.

    Pashun! dream job!

    2) When you now realize it’s not beans at all.

    Who sent me? Follow your dream, follow your dream, now I don hang.

    3) When you write a listicle and it has 50 comments.

    Changes bio to content strategist. Digital media strategist. Content god.

    4) When you write something you think is really boring and everyone loves it!

    I heart you guys.

    5) How you think of what to write every morning.

    O God of inspiration, direct our noble cause.

    6) When you think you’ve written something interesting and it has zero comments.

    It do usually pain.

    7) When one of the readers now say they don’t understand the rubbish you’ve written.

    Pls dear.

    8) When you see people cursing Zikoko writers.

    “Zikoko, you people are mad.” “Zikoko, it’s you that’ll never find love.”

    On top small civil play.

    9) When one reader is now trying to do oversabi in comments section and Z!koko readers drag the person for you.

    Look at God.

    10) You, when you see your friends struggling to their office in suits.

    Godspeed guys.

    11) Every time you remember you have the best job ever, you’re like:

  • As we are all aware, the rainy season is here. And while we like how rain makes the weather cool for us, we have to admit Nigerian rain can be extra! Here are all the things you need to survive.

    1. If you don’t have a big umbrella in this weather, you’re on your own.

    Not all those small ones that can fly away with small wind o!

    2. Nylon bag, or even sack sef for added protection.

    To tie on your head when your umbrella is not having sense.

    3. Original bathroom slippers is an absolute must.

    To help the life of your loubs and nike shoes!

    4. Canoe and paddle for all the times the rain is proving stubborn.

    When the rain decides to turn everywhere into river.

    5. Life jacket, for those of us that cannot swim.

    If you cannot afford the canoe, kuku buy this one.

    6. Forget lamp, lantern and kerosine is the way forward.

    When NEPA will not even let you charge lamp nko?

    7. Everybody needs a Sugar Parent

    Because Sugar Daddy can send Range. Sugar mummy won’t even let you go anywhere

    8. Okay, forget everything for a moment, see this Firewood?

    That is what you need to become this season. “Weather for two” is a dangerous idea. Baby food is expensive. Be wise.

  • 1. When you’re trying to enter a club but your baby face is blocking your joy

    Is it now a crime to look like a baby girl?

    2. When you now have to bribe the bouncers to let you in

    Just take it and let me enter, abeg.

    3. You, when you see hot babes walking in without wahala

    What an insult! What a betray!

    4. When you now finally enter, you’re like

    One-in-town babe.

    5. When annoying people won’t let you dance in peace and keep bringing their sweaty bodies to your side

    Please, just gerrarahia.

    6. You, when you thought the music couldn’t be louder but the DJ proves you wrong

    Shebi you want to spoil my ear drums? Carry on.

    7. When you ask for a drink and they call one ridiculous price

    There’s water at home sha.

    What’s clubbing in Nigeria really like?

  • All The Things That Happen When You Meet Your Online Crush In Real Life

    1. When you sight them from afar and see how short they are

    But this guy said he’s 6’2!

    2. When you finally see their real face and it’s nothing like the picture you saw

    Things are not even adding up in this place!

    3. What of when they have mouth and body odor?

    Cancelled! For life!

    4. When they appear to have sense online but their brain is empty in real life

    Ko le werk!
  • 9 Thoughts All Boarders Had When Resumption Time Was Near

    1. You, when you remember you’re about to see your wicked seniors again.

    Stupid seniors that only know how to send you message.

    2. When you realize there won’t be delicious food for you anymore.

    Only salt and beans for the next months!

    3. You, when you realize you can’t sleep past 5 o’clock for the coming term.

    Can my parents just put me in a day-school already?

    4. When you remember you won’t see your family for the next 90 days.

    Not even my mummy that pampers me anyhow.

    5. How you now start having nightmares the night before you go to school.

    Hay God!

    6. How you balance on the toilet for hours, because you know it’s only shotput after today.

    You can only shotput after night prep sef.

    7. You, when you’re eating that final meal before you leave home:

    christmas food. December.
    Before I face my cube of sugar meat in dining.

    8. When you’re now almost in school and you see the signboard.

    My wahala is about to start!

    9. When you enter the gate and the first set of people you see are your wicked seniors.

    It’s my God that will punish all of you.
  • Goodluck Jonathan’s Administration Never Meant Nigeria Well

    Goodluck Jonathan and his corrupt officials have once again given us international exposure nobody asked them for

    If you’re not sitting down, you should, because this one is BAD! It’s TERRIBLE!

    Under our nose, Jonathan and former Minister of Petroleum during the Abacha regime, Dan Etete, sold our birthright to Shell

    Recently uncovered evidence shows that Shell was involved in a bribery deal with Dan Etete, who is also the owner of this fake company, Malabu Oil(which he set up with our money in 1995, by the way). Somehow, in 2014, Etete got about $801 million of $1.1bn- money from the proceedings of the sale of one of OUR oil fields to oil giant Shell and Italian Oil company, Eni – to Malabu.

    More baffling is the fact that the oil field -OPL 245- is worth $500bn in untapped oil!

    OPL 245 as it’s called was one of our most valuable resources, worth 499 times more than what it was sold. Why do our leaders insist on selling our futures for temporary gain? Why?

    Dan Etete, a convicted felon in France, was allowed access to such huge deals during the Jonathan’s administration. Where in the world does that happen? And what is Buhari’s government doing about it?

    In 2011, Shell had to pay another $30 million for briberies alone. Foreign media say this is possibly ‘Big Oil’s Worst Scandal’ because Shell knew the transactions were illegal and denied them until last Sunday.

    Will Jonathan and his cohorts be prosecuted?

    There are reports the senate will summon Goodluck Jonathan, nothing is certain.

    One of the documents uncovered showed how some of the money was split

    Nigerian businessman Aliyu Abubakar withdrew $54,418,000 in cash. $466,065,965.44 withdrawn in cash and subsequently funneled to government officials including President Goodluck Jonathan, Attorney General Mohammed Bello Adoke, Minister of Petroleum Diezani Alison-Madueke, Minister of Defence and former National Security Advisor Aliyu Gusau. $10,026,280 to former Attorney General Christopher Adebayo Ojo $11,465,000 paid to former Senator Ikechukwu ObiorahForeignpolicy.com

    We should all be mad. We were robbed, again and again.

    The United Nations says the funds it needs to resolve the famine crisis currently brewing in Northern Nigeria is about 1.5 times the amount collected from the sale of OPL 245. About 5 million people face starvation. Nigeria currently has no oil refineries, and electricity generation is at an all-time low.

    The case is still being investigated and it’s unclear which way it will spin for now. But hopefully, everyone involved gets the justice they deserve.

  • Everyone got a little high on excitement after Efe won the Big Brother Naija reality show

    So Garba Shehu though it would be a nice idea to jump on Efe’s catch phrase ‘based on logistics’

    He was very wrong

    People were here for him

    https://twitter.com/DavidAkondu/status/851194227744804864

    Logistics, logistics but things are still one kind

    Everything is propaganda with these people

    No light but they won’t stop talking rubbish

    Somebody made Buhari’s score sheet

    We’re so here for this 2019 drama

    https://twitter.com/ani_nomso/status/851190936491233282

    When you have to take beating for your boss

    What a betray

    These people just use us to play

    Garba Shehu and his boss are the real fake housemates

    This person is angry o

    But who sent him to talk?

    Wow!!!

    https://twitter.com/Its_Nnanna/status/851210100366860288

    People are not even taking this nonsense

    Someone advised him a little too late

    https://twitter.com/NiyiPosh/status/851258673498214402
  • For all the people who missed the Big Brother finale last night, there was only one winner!

    Efe won the prize money of N25 million as well as a brand new Kia Sorento.

    Okay he wasn’t the only one who one. Bisola was the 1st runner up and also won a trip to New York to attend a United Nations event, courtesy of ONE Campaign

    And Tboss, who came 3rd, won a N500,000 gift card from Pay Porte for winning most of the Arena Games

    It’s all over and we can now rest!

    Nigerians are wondering what we will be distracted with now

    https://twitter.com/iNigerian_/status/851181634619625472

    But first, we want to know if Efe will share this money with us

    Because everybody said he’s razz but look at God

    https://twitter.com/Teniwadess/status/851176766513303553

    Now that the show is over, let’s all resume our wailing for Daddy Bubu

    Yes, sir! We’ve not forgotten you!

  • Remember how Dino Melaye clowned himself in a music video after his certificate scandal was cleared and resolved?

    We told you guys about it here.

    People had to seize the opportunity to do the #Dinochallenge

    Nigerians don’t dissapoint

    Chanels TV spiced it up with subtitles

    Royal Arts Academy, one of Nigeria’s leading institutes for the creative arts just made the their own remix, and it’s lit!

    Of course, people are loving it

    Because Nigerians are too much

    Some only noticed their facial expressions

    But others are just tired

  • This Governor Legit Thinks God Sent Us Meningitis Because ‘Fornication Is Rampant’
    Nigeria is currently experiencing a terrible Cerebro Spinal Meningitis (CMS) outbreak, with about 328 people killed already. We told you about the signs and symptoms here.

    But Abdulaziz Yari, the Zamfara State Governor, thinks the outbreak is upon us because we’re all sinners

    Zamfara State is the worst hit and has the highest number of casualties. When he was questioned about this, he blamed God instead. Read the full story here.

    Apparently, this Governor has talked to God in a WhatsApp message and God has revealed the reason we’re suffering from CMS to him

    You, when you realize most Nigerian politicians have low thinking capacity

    Zamfara people, when they see their governor

    Other saner governors be like:

    Meanwhile, the Ministry of Health has said there’s no such thing and CMS is not spiritual

  • If Brokeness Is No More Your Portion, This Is For You

    1. So you’re broke and you’ve been waiting for your salary for days

    This is you waiting for alert to enter.

    2. Immediately you hear the alert, you’re like

    My joy is now full again.

    3. How you run to send some money to a separate savings account before you use your money to do rubbish

    That’s the only thing that gives you total peace of mind.

    4. When you want to shop and you remember sales racks are better than any thing in this life

    And people think you don’t have sense.

    5. You’re wise enough to know that not everytime eat out, in fact everytime there is rice at home

    6. When you see people advising you to use all your money to “live in the moment” you’re like:

    Just stop talking.

    7. This is you when your onigbese friend comes again to “borrow” money

    If you don’t vamoose!

    8. How you sleep knowing brokeness will never be your portion

    In the spirit of pre-richness, here’s a mobile plan your phone would kiss you for

    Whoop. It’s Etisalat’s EasyCliq plan! Click the ‘Learn More‘ Button and find out how you can get more value from your SIM card and from each recharge!
  • This 19 Year Old Kenyan Artist Uses African Fabric To Make Amazing Paintings

    19 year old Kenyan, Katanu Kay is that 2-headed classmate your parents used to talk about

    At first, she just painted amazing pictures

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BE24OMZmFi5/?taken-by=mellow_bones

    Then she showed her genius by using African material (Kitenge) to enhance her paintings

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BLwHVN2hoQU/?taken-by=mellow_bones

    And she’s using it create pure magic

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BQPED4Bh8yn/?taken-by=mellow_bones

    Katanu is still a student but she’s already making money for her work

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ7esw2lNsX/?taken-by=mellow_bones

    Aren’t they beautiful?

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BHUuOw6hpZl/?taken-by=mellow_bones

    Follow her Instagram to get yours

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BIaXoKiBTF4/?taken-by=mellow_bones
  • 8 Thoughts You’ve Probably Had When You’re On Third Mainland Bridge

    1. When your danfo is speeding and you’re like:

    Are we speeding to London or what?

    2. When you look down into the water and remember you can’t swim

    If we fall down like this, that’s the end!

    3. When you see people walking on the bridge:

    Where are you walking to, please?

    4. When someone’s car now breaks down on the bridge

    Oga, you have entered one chance!

    5. You, when it’s now your unfortunate danfo that breaks down

    Which kind of yama yama luck is this one?

    6. When nobody now stops to give you lift

    Is this how you people are wicked?

    7. When you see people doing James Bond with their cars on the bridge

    It’s like you people want to go and say hi to Baba God.

    8. When the car keeps hitting those annoying bumps on the bridge, you’re like:

    This bridge will not give me hypertension o!

    9. One thing we know for sure: you don’t want to be stranded on 3rd Mainland Bridge with a poor network

    Check out Etisalat’s EasyCliq plan to get more value for every recharge you make. Check it out yuno.
  • 7 Things You Need To Know About Nigeria’s Meningitis Outbreak
    In November 2016, a Cerebro Spinal Meningitis (CSM) disease outbreak started in Zamfara State.  Almost 5 months later, the disease has killed hundreds and has now spread to other states. These are all the facts we know about the outbreak.

    1. About 328 people have been killed by meningitis in Nigeria

    CMS occurs when the thin tissue covering the brain -meninges- is inflamed.

    2. More than 5 states are currently affected including Lagos and Abuja

    According to Premium Times it spilled over from Sokoto( in map) to Zamfara, Kano, Katsina, Kebbi, Niger, Nasarawa, Jigawa, FCT, Gombe, Taraba, Yobe, Osun, Cross Rivers, Lagos and Plateau states.

    3. 4 West African countries are currently affected, but Nigeria suffers the most cases

    African Meningitis Belt includes the countries usually affected by an outbreak. Currently, Mali, Niger and Burkina Faso are also reportedly affected by the disease.

    4. CMS is caused by the Neisseria meningitides bacteria

    Symptoms include a stiff neck, high fever, rash, headache, vomiting, and confusion.

    5. It’s a COMMUNICABLE disease

    Respiratory secretions transfer the disease through kissing, sneezing, coughing, and sharing of eating or drinking utensils.

    6. CMS is curable

    The disease is treatable with antibiotics, although 5-10% of affected persons die within 24 hours. Once you notice the symptoms, present yourself at a medical centre immediately.

    7. How can you prevent yourself?

    The most effective way is vaccination. Staying away from infected people, avoiding other people’s utensils or any item that may transfer saliva or respiratory secretions, washing your hands regularly as well as eating healthy to boost your immune system are ways to prevent CMS.
  • We true foodies know we ought to travel more, and indeed one day we shall. Top on our list of places to try is Calabar- Cross Rivers State- and it really should be top of your list too! These are some of the foods Calabar people rave about (we have this on good authority, mind you).

    Of course, Edikang Ikong is first on the list

    No, it’s not efo riro, and yes, the preparation is very different.

    Apparently, it tastes better than efo riro

    Another must eat: Editan

    What can we say? Efiks loooove their veggies!

    Abak Atama

    It’s not exactly Banga soup, although the preparations are quite similar. Atama leaves are quite magical, we hear.

    Abak Nmong Nmong

    For this post, we’ve saved the best for last – Epang Nkukwo

    Some people pronounce this as “Epangkwokwo” as well.

    We must warn you, this cocoyam-based meal requires quite a bit of work

    But this champ pulled it off

    Watch the entire video here to see how it’s done

    For even more great cooking recipes from all over Nigeria, check out Delicious Naija, from Maggi Nigeria

    Make sure to look out for the ‘Delicious Naija’ show at these times on your TV: 7:30 pm, Friday on Arewa24,  7:30 pm, Saturday on Africa Magic (Family) , 5 pm, Sunday on NTA, OR just watch it online right now!
  • 13 Times This Curving Meme Was The Perfect Response To Rubbish

    Every 90’s kid remembers this legendary Royco advert from the days of Superstory and ThisLife

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVTYxBd-cpo
    We all loved it, but it turns out we’d been sitting on meme material for almost a decade and we didn’t know. Now, the husband has turned into a huge curve-meme.

    1. When someone is bringing their rubbish towards you

    2. When telcos start with their caller tunes wahala

    https://twitter.com/Chris_Goth/status/848478813684203520

    3. Who potential help?

    https://twitter.com/TheUnscripted_/status/848456471281111040

    4. Nigerians, when Daddy Bubu wants to start in 2019

    5. When your salary is peanuts and you can’t even risk it

    https://twitter.com/Life_Of_SID/status/848435258420867072

    6. All coke lovers be like:

    7. These guys are the worst!

    8. When you’re in a monogamous relationship with your barber

    https://twitter.com/BillionTwiTs/status/848235669533192192

    9. When your pastor wants to stain you

    https://twitter.com/TWEETEST_BOI/status/848177629731663872

    10. Heaven is THAT PLACE!

    11. Nobody wants to drink hot Fanta

    https://twitter.com/sire_liljosh/status/848475024113750016

    12. This must be nice!

    13. When MMM just finished scamming you and NNN people start their own

  • People Made This Guy’s Birthday Memorable And It’s Just Too Much
    Traditionally, we Nigerians have always seen mental health as something that shouldn’t be discussed openly, and for men, it’s an issue ‘society’ forbids them to even acknowledge because it’s not ‘manly’.

    So a lot of people-men and women- continue to live with depression and severe stress because they can’ talk about their feelings

    Recently, Allwell Orji, a medical doctor, committed suicide by jumping into the Lagos lagoon from the 3rd Mainland Bridge. There are speculations he may have been depressed.

    But when this Twitter user posted about her brother being depressed, people reacted quite differently

    The siblings are orphans and her brother was having a terrible birthday because he couldn’t celebrate

    https://twitter.com/SubDeliveryMan/status/847539305610227712

    But people stepped up in the most amazing way to make his birthday fun

    https://twitter.com/SubDeliveryMan/status/847541889813299200

    Someone sharply tried to order doughnuts for him

    https://twitter.com/SubDeliveryMan/status/847548106245668864

    People sent him love, money and so many WhatsApp messages that his phone started to slow down

    https://twitter.com/SubDeliveryMan/status/847539305610227712

    Is someone cutting onions nearby, because my eyes are tearing up

    Who knew a little phone call could do so much?

    People were not even playing!

    https://twitter.com/treymofo/status/847549599799812096

    Sometimes, it’s the little things we do that make a huge difference

    If you can cheer someone up today, do it!

  • All The Things You’ll Relate To If Your Mum’s Wahala Is Too Much But You Still Love Her

    1. How she starts shouting when she sees you talking to boys. Just talking o!

    Mummy, calm down now!

    2. When she won’t let you keep your fine Afro in peace

    Can you leave my hair in peace?

    3. When you want to live alone but she won’t allow you

    Diz tew much!

    4. Your mum, when you just mistakenly make one small mistake

    I did not mean to finish the meat in the pot now!

    5. When she starts saying you should bring wife home

    Hay God!

    6. You,when you realize you love her with all her wahala

    7. Watch young Nigerians talk about their mums now!

  • Dino Melaye Is Acting Very Weird And We’re All A Bit Worried

    Actually, scratch that. Dino Melaye is acting exactly like Dino Melaye over a certificate scandal, and no, we’re not worried about him

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzfXGm3dHWk
    The video shows Nigerian senator, Dino Melaye, rejoicing and shaming his ‘enemies’ after accusations came up that his educational certifications may have been forged. How many people can dance like this?

    How did we get to this? Let’s go back to Mon 20th, March, when it all started

    Sahara Reporters allege that Sen Dino failed some compulsory courses and so could not have graduated.

    The same platform also alleged that his London School of Economics (LSE) degree was a fake, and they had receipts

    On March 21st, the Senate Committee on Ethics led by Senator Ali Ndume called for a probe of the allegations and invited the Vice Chancellor of ABU to defend the school

    The committe also called for probes into allegations that Senate President Abubakar Saraki evaded customs duty on a Range Rover Sports SUV, which caused it to be impounded by Customs officials.

    March 27th. Vice Chancellor of ABU, Prof Ibrahim, appeared before Senate to confirm that Melaye indeed graduated as ‘Daniel Jonah Melaye’ in 1999

    The professor confirmed  he graduated in 2000, with a 3rd class in Geography.

    Meanwhile, Dino posted his NYSC certificate on his Twitter and that only caused him more trouble

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BSLMvtyALnO/?taken-by=dinomelaye
    Somebody explain why he’s producing a black and white certificate? Where is the original? Where is his ABU certificate? Somebody? Anybody?

    But where did the line under ‘2000’ and ‘2001’ go to?

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Also, the logical arrangement of the code should carry ‘2000’, not 1999. If Dino graduated 2000 and started service year in 2000, where is the ’99’ coming from?

    So trust Nigerians to investigate things by themselves

    https://twitter.com/TytbonesCEO/status/846683270851039232
    People of God, Dino started and ended NYSC on Sunday.He also posted that embarrassing video shaming his haters.

    And what did Dino do in response? Of course he wore his gown to a plenary session in true clown fashion

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BSLncb1g8Ml/?taken-by=dinomelaye

    What will Dino wear next? NYSC uniform?

    Anything can happen at this point.

    We are not even surprised. In 2011, allegations surfaced against Senator Andy Uba for forging his Ph.D certificate

    It’s a damn shame, but if you take a good look at this pattern and if indeed some senators have been lying about their qualifications, you’ll begin to understand why almost everything they do is a mess. Logically, learned people would be more productive and less clownish.
  • 6 Things Your Mum Told You About  Boys That Turned Out To Be True

    1. “Men are not to be trusted”

    He told you to marry him and the next week you got his wedding invite abi? We’ve all seen that one.

    2. “Boys are stinky”

    You think you smell perfume but all all you smell is lies.

    3. “If a boy touches you, you’ll get pregnant”

    No words needed.

    4. “Boys don’t have sense”

    They think you don’t have all their side chicks on speed dial.

    5. “If you die on top of a boy, he’ll bring a girl to your funeral”

    You thought your mum was saying rubbish, now can you see for yourself?

    6. “Boys are selfish”

    No? Explain to me why one man needs 5 girls again?
  • 7 Pictures Of Big Brother’s Gifty Looking Very Takeaway

    1. Remember Gifty, former Big Brother Naija housemate?

    We wrote about Gifty and her ‘accent’ here.

    2. She got evicted after 28 days on the show

    3. And we thought we’d seen the last of her

    4. But she’s back with this banging photoshoot

    5. She maybe working on a project but no one knows for now

    6. We really can’t wait to see what Gifty 2.0 is up to

    7. Because she always slays!

  • 7 Reasons Why Sango And Thor Are Definitely Not The Same

    Someone asked a seemingly simple question on Twitter

    https://twitter.com/machiavela/status/842681031631224833

    A question everyone really needs to ponder

    https://twitter.com/machiavela/status/842683979434266624

    1. And the replies were as hilarious as they were true. Time zone differences for one

    2. And one has visa

    3. Also, major school difference

    4. Sango is just here for sacrifices

    5. Wait, Sango breathes fire? Cool!

    6. But all na packaging sha

    7. But to be honest, Sango gets an A for his fire-breathing skills

  • 5 Incredibly Bomb Foods You Must Try When You Visit Anambra

    1. The delicious Ofe Onugbu

    As with any southern soup, Ofe Onugbu(Bitter leaf soup) is basically heaven sent. You can have it with any swallow but I recommend pounded yam!

    2. Ofe Akwu

    If you love Banga soup, you’ll love Ofe Akwu even more. Igbos typically serve it with yam or boiled plantain.

    3. The all-mighty Nkwobi

    If you don’t try this tastefully prepared cow-leg and sauce combo in Anambra, what are you really doing there?

    4. Let’s not forget the crispy and delicious Abacha

    The first time I tried this, my taste buds literally exploded with delight. Plus it’s so light-as in, African Salad- that you can eat as much as you want.

    5. We can never leave out Ukwa

    Made with African Breadfruit, this meal is rich in protein and can be prepared in a plain way or in a jollof way.

    If you love Ukwa, you’ll love Maggi’s #DeliciousNaija Onitsha episode

    Make sure to look out for the ‘Delicious Naija’ show at these times on your TV: 7:30 pm, Friday on Arewa24, 7:30 pm, Saturday on Africa Magic (Family), 5 pm, Sunday on NTA, OR just watch it online right now!
  • 9 Struggles You’ll Relate To If You Work With Techies

    1. When they start talking about code and APIs

    Are we still speaking English here?

    2. When they hear one important person is coming to Nigeria, they’re like

    “Mark Zuckerberg is here!!!”

    3. How they form gang and leave out all the olodo non-tech people

    Is it like that?

    4. When they want to do something on your HP laptop, they’re like:

    Because they’re using Mac now, nobody will hear word!

    5. When they now start saying you should learn how to code, you’re like:

    I’m not on seat!

    6. You, when they try to explain the meaning of API

    I’m just not understanding!

    7. When your computer is not having sense and they fix it with one tap

    You people are useful like this?

    8. When they now show you all the things you can do with technology

    I don’t believe it!

    9. Every techie you know and their Mac book:

    They can slap you if you touch it sef!
  • Every 22 March, the world celebrates World Water Day, but things are not as they seem

    Right now, the United Nations says it’s facing the worst humanitarian crisis since it was created in 1945, and 4 major countries will be affected by drought, famine and ultimately starvation

    1. Those countries include: Nigeria

    Northern Nigeria as well as the Lake Chad region is at serious risk. After suffering from terror attacks, extreme conditions may cause millions to die, including children. In some communities, all the toddlers have died, and adults are too weak to even walk.

    2. Somalia

    Somalia has suffered from terror-related conflict just like Northern Nigeria and in 2011, it suffered severe famine. Now, more than one million children under the age of 5 may die due to malnutrition this year.

    3. South Sudan

    The World’s youngest country, South Sudan’s famine is described as ‘handmade’, because of the 3-year-long civil war the country is currently facing. 7.4 million people need aid and 270,000 children face imminent death if they don’t get assistance.

    4. Yemen

    Yemen is the poorest Arab nation, but Saudi Arabia and Iraq are supporting two opposing factions that want to control the Yemeni government. The conflict has affected more than 12 million Yemenis who currently need both water and food.

    Want to help?

    UNHCR, Mercy Corps, Save The Children, UNICEF are some of the aid organisations helping to fight the crisis. Visit their websites for more information on how to donate.
  • This Clip Of Borno Students Struggling To Buy Jamb Forms Will Make You Quite Mad
    A good number of things don’t add up in Nigeria. Social systems don’t work and maintenance of physical structures is a myth, but we at least thought we had gotten somewhere with the ease of carrying out transactions over the internet. More than 1.85 million students applied to write the UTME (Unified Tertiary Matriculation Exams)  in 2016, but the process remains crude.

    This clip from a concerned Twitter user tells its own story

    The people of Borno are still recovering from the horrors of the Boko Haram sect. Why should they go through any of this?

    It really doesn’t make sense that the Ministry of Education and JAMB(Joint Administration and Matriculation Board) don’t give top priority to students from the conflict-affected states in the North. For one, these kids have been forced to abandon their studies for years, surely the least we can do for them is make the learning process easier for them?

    The process of applying for and getting the JAMB form needs to be a lot easier for students nationwide.

    Is this really how JAMB officers do this thing? Turn form into petrol?

    The crudeness of the whole process is just galling.

    So it’s not only Borno? Exactly how many students are fighting to buy form like this?

    We’ve forgotten who the Minister for Education is (Do we have one?). But the person should kindly wake up from his or her slumber sometime this year.

  • South African artist and graphics designer, Tumi Sibambo, is making awesome pictures of people into drawings. Until the 31st of March, he’s making these kinds of portraits for his ‘Queen’s Crown’ collection for women. To have yours done from any part of Africa, just upload your photos on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and tag #SibamboPortraitsQC

    1. This one he did for Women’s Day

    2. This one celebrating the beauty of family

    3. This beautiful portrait of Mahlalia, a South African gospel singer

    4. A lovely portrait of Miriam Makeba

    5. Aww, such a lovely baby

    6. This one about the horrible, xenophobic killings in South Africa

    7. Don’t you just want to get married right now?

    8. Love, love, love this one!

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BQu1vgeFTVT/?taken-by=sibambo_portraits

    9. Here’s how Tumi actually makes the portraits

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRtHc4zFaf3/?taken-by=sibambo_portraits

    10. And look! Someone from Nigeria is getting a portrait done

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BR6SFJGlEaB/?taken-by=sibambo_portraits

    11. In a conversation with Z!koko, Tumi said he chooses to work with pens so he can challenge himself. Just look at Mark ‘Zookabug’ and his daughter

    12. He also told us he NEVER edits his work, even when he makes a mistake

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRlBK5OFbW2/?taken-by=sibambo_portraits
    Don’t forget to get in the competition and tag us if you win!!!
  • All The Wahala That Comes With Dealing With Onigbeses

    1. So you made the mistake of selling something to your friend

    The biggest mistake of your life o!

    2. And now they think your money is no more your money

    Why don’t you kuku kill me?

    3. Every time you want to ask them for it, they’re like

    4. Meanwhile, your own business is doing like this like that

    5. But see how these smart business people deal with onigbeses

    Don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel for more juicy videos!

  • 14 Nigerian Proverbs That Are Both Wise And Silly At The Same Time

    1. This one about buttocks

    No matter how much the buttocks are in a hurry, they will always remain behindNigerian proverbs

    2. Why hasn’t this happened, really?

    A child can play with its mother’s breasts, but not its father’s testicles

    3. I have kuku said love is a scam

    It’s better to fall from a tree and a break your back than to fall in love and break your heart

    4. Why is there a fly on your scrotum in the first place?

    It requires a lot of carefulness to kill the fly that perches on the scrotum

    5. The man with the fufu has everything already

    Man wey carry Ogbono soup pot for hand, and the man wey carry fufu for head, na who go find who go?

    6. My anger is very hot, let’s put this to a test

    Anger, no matter how hot it is, can never cook yam.

    7. Why would anyone even do this?

    He who swallows a complete coconut have absolute trust in his anus

    8. Very useful for people who lack respect

    Snails don’t venture where horned animals gather

    9. I have done this, so….

    You cannot run and scratch your anus at the same time

    10. Truly and honestly

    There is no greater injustice than when anus farts, head receives a knock

    11. This makes sense, literally

    He who sleeps with itchy anus must wake up with smelly fingers

    12. So the handsomeness of the male monkey must be imaginary too

    The beauty of a female monkey is imaginary to the husband (Zambia)

    13. Poor goat!

    The frown on the face of a goat will not stop it from being priced in the market

    14. This is why aunties and uncles don’t mind their business!

    It takes a whole village to raise a child
  • 16 Adult Problems Nobody Prepared You For

    This Twitter user asked a very important question

    https://twitter.com/MichelleHux/status/842446838275952640

    1. And the answers will make you say ‘same’

    2. Office politics is the worst

    3. Watching your weight is an adult problem

    https://twitter.com/saatoe/status/842455338301419520

    4. The problems are uncountable, really

    5. Oh wow, certainly wish I could relate to this

    https://twitter.com/adrianshort/status/842446970128064515

    6. Draining, but it pays the bills, right?

    https://twitter.com/Nondescript424/status/842485438690529280

    7. Big problem, especially when you have those heavy ones that well swell like garri inside water

    https://twitter.com/BeingPerry/status/842479484947316736

    8. Where to work? Who to marry?

    https://twitter.com/SamuraiKnitter/status/842482711562506240

    9. Who else didn’t see this one coming?

    10. *Deep sigh*

    https://twitter.com/umyeahokthen/status/842476269732347905

    11. Feeling inadequate is a requirement for adulting

    12. Relationships are like a 24-hour job

    13. Saving money is good but it’s so hard!

    14. So true!

    https://twitter.com/TaurusBone/status/842934724716716032

    15. Does anyone ever really grow up?

    16. Adulting is just basically a scam

    https://twitter.com/therAfua/status/842458091388063744
  • If You’ve Ever Fallen For That ‘Bring Your CV After NYSC’ Scam, This Is For You

    1. So you’ve just finished NYSC and your adulting has fully begun

    Yes o!

    2. And all your mates are running up and down trying to get a job

    Applying up and down!

    3. But you’re not really bothered because your uncle at NNPC told you to bring your CV after NYSC

    I’m not even bothered.

    4. And even your aunty at CBN has told you to put your mind at rest

    I’ve got zero worries!

    5. When you see your mates busy applying to banks up and down, you’re like

    2 or 3 jobs are already waiting for me sha!

    6. How you get yourself ready to see your uncles and aunts that have promised you the world

    Let me slay for them!

    7. How you give them plenty missed calls when they don’t want to pick up

    What’s happening here?

    8. You, when you go to their office and their secretary says they’re not around

    So whose car did I see outside?

    9. When you now try applying for other jobs but they’re all closed

    I have finished myself!

    10. You, when you see your mates going to work and you’re still jobless

    Take me with you now!

    11. When you see your aunties and uncles at family weddings, you’re like

    You people don’t kuku have shame.

    12. The next time a family member says you should bring your CV, you’re like

    I don’t want!
  • This One Is For Everyone Who Is Addicted To Soft Drinks

    Things are happening in this our Nigeria

    It appears that the Nigerian Bottling Company (manufacturers of Fanta, Sprite and Coca-cola in Nigeria) have been doing us plenty wayo

    Apparently locally produced Sprite and Fanta are actually poisonous when taken with Vitamin C

    And the soft drinks contain dangerous levels of benzoic acid and sunset additives

    One Mr Fijabi attempted to ship large quantities of soft Fanta and Sprite to the United Kingdom in 2007, but they were declared unfit for consumption by health authorities in the Department of Environment and Economic Directorate because of a high level of cancer-causing substances. The goods were destroyed and Mr Fijabi sued NBC  for damages in 2008.

    But NBC says their product is fit for ‘local consumption’

    So we should be ingesting poison because we are not Oyinbo?

    In a court ruling on Monday,13th March, a Federal High Court Judge said the soft drinks should be fit for consumption by anyone irrespective of race or creed. She also ruled that:

    That NAFDAC shall forthwith mandate Nigeria bottling company to, within 90 days hereof, include on all the bottles of Fanta and Sprite soft drinks manufactured by the company, a written warning that the content of the said bottles of Fanta and Sprite soft drinks cannot be taken with Vitamin C as same becomes poisonous if taken with Vitamin C.Justice Adedayo Oyebanji

    People are asking why the coloring is so different

    What of people that can’t use drugs without adding one bottle of Fanta?

    Are we not finished like this?

    As for NAFDAC, we have one thing to say to you

    Stop selling our souls to the devil!
  • 16 Tweets That’ll Remind You Of Why You Hate Math
    This twitter user is reminding everyone why maths is the worst thing in the world and people are responding in the most hilarious ways.

    1. Who Kofi help?

    2. What concerns ladder with birthday?

    3. When you see the question and you already know you’re failing

    4. All job searchers know this struggle

    5. Hated seeing ‘x’ in maths class

    6. Chidi and Stella can do whatever they want

    7. The only answer to this is ‘Rice’

    8. Kuku kill me

    https://twitter.com/kojonokware/status/841412828460404737

    9. I don’t know o!

    10. It’s like this one will die in the friendzone o

    https://twitter.com/Qudouze/status/841590497827262464

    11. When your F is already loading

    12. It’s not adding up

    https://twitter.com/Latchenko/status/841611793554407425

    13. You, when the interviewer starts asking stupid questions

    14. But is it fair?

    15. For football lovers

    https://twitter.com/dammylare_/status/841642003674857472

    16. Question for the Gods

    https://twitter.com/buikem/status/841708610631716869
  • This Ex-Beauty Queen Escaped A Burning Car And It Was A Hallelujah Moment

    Former Miss Valentine (2007), Maryam Elisha will just be praising God for saving her yesterday

    She is also a designer (Rikaoto by ME) and model.

    Apparently, she was driving on 3rd Mainland Bridge when her car started doing anyhow

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRlqKMyFJh1/?taken-by=maryamelisha

    Lagos people- bless their hearts- quickly helped her out before the fire became this intense

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRmiDpvB6iP/?taken-by=bellanaijaonline

    When your village people are determined but it’s not your time yet

    Thank God Lagos people proved useful!

    Weh done sirs and mas!

    As for those that see accidents and walk away like it’s not their business, we see you o!

    Diaris God o!
  • 9 Instagram Accounts All ‘For Food Onlys’ Need To Go Follow Right Now

    1. Thelmzkitchen

    She can cook fire!

    2. Dobby’s Signature

    You’ll get so hungry following this page, but do it anyway.

    3. Chef Fregz

    Chef-General of the Federation!

    4. Afrolems

    She’s just here to ‘tushify’ African food o!

    5. Kitchen Butterfly

    This butterfly is too bomb in the kitchen, please.

    6. Nigerian Lazy Chef

    All the ‘orisirisi’ you can ever think of is here!

    7. Matse Cooks

    Just giving us serious Southy deliciousness!

    8. Funke Koleosho

    The picture speaks for itself.

    9. Lohi Creates

    Her recipes are insanely good!
  • 10 Struggles Every Nurse’s Child Will Instantly Relate To

    1. When you say you have a headache and they’re like

    “Don’t you know where the panadol is?”

    2. When they tell you to go and bring ventolin tablet

    Are we doing the nurse work together abi how will I know ventolin?

    3. When you get a wound and you know spirit and iodine never runs out in mummy’s room

    My enemies have done it again.

    4. When you have small stomach ache and they remove needle and syringe

    It’s not yet up to that now, abi?

    5. When you’re really sick and your mum turns your room to hospital

    Madam, can’t we just go to an actual hospital?

    6. When your friends are talking about their hospital experiences, you’re like:

    There’s hospital in my room.

    7. How people rush to your house to collect drugs or injection for free

    Issa bonanza!

    8. When you see your mum giving herself injection for the first time

    Weh done ma!

    9. When your friends are sick and you start telling them what to use because you’re now a pro

    Because I know too much book.

    10. When your mum is on night shift, you’re like:

    Who will now cook night food for me o?
  • Temi Otedola Has Joined ‘Pepper Dem Gang’ And People Are Loving It

    Fashion blogger, Temi Otedola, blessed the internet with sauce in this ‘pepper hot’ picture yesterday

    Temi is the 2nd daughter of Nigerian oil magnate and billionaire, Femi Otedola.

    People cannot even get enough of all the ‘Yorubaness’ in this post

    When you want to explain the meaning of ‘pepper dem gang’

    The ‘wife material’ scouts have found their way here again

    https://twitter.com/Tee_blaq/status/841049747829989377

    Freshest pepper

    They said she looked hotter than the pepper

    Yoruba women know pepper is their one true love

    https://twitter.com/amazinglilnas/status/840947917225512967

    We’ve changed our wall papers to this picture

    This bro is taking things way too deep but we get it

    Someone now asked the most important question

    Temi also gave us this one with panla (stock fish)

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRjJ4dCjUTB/?taken-by=jtofashion
  • People Are Using ‘BabaOyoyo’ To Welcome President Buhari From His Medical Trip

    President Buhari is finally back to in the country after spending exactly 50 days on a medical trip to London.

    Nigerians on Twitter are using the #BabaOyoyo hashtag to celebrate his return

    She can’t keep calm

    Whose sub is this?

    We kuku told Daddy Bubu to buy something for us

    https://twitter.com/The_Afrocentric/status/839936142938099712

    Are we the haters? Because we didn’t miss Daddy Bubu o!

    If you know this person, don’t visit his house this week sha.

    And the ‘Baba while you were’ away hashtag is fully, fully back

    https://twitter.com/MurtalaIbin/status/839930106198048768

    They’re dragging Big Brother Naija’s Kemen

    Oooops!

    Osinbajo of life!

  • After a long bout of silence following her accusations against her husband for giving her STDs, Tonto is telling us the full story in this heartbreaking video

    The full video shows Tonto talking about the domestic and emotional abuse she suffered from her ex-husband, Churchhill, and how she’s had to make numerous sacrifices for her son.

    1. We’ve learned a few things: Men are scum

    But then, we already knew that one before.

    2. Do not stay in an abusive relationship

    This applies to both genders. Know the signs of an abusive person(emotional and physical) and EXIT the relationship for your own peace of mind.

    3. If someone loves you, they most likely won’t hit you

    This one is self-explanatory. Shine your eyes.

    4. Don’t stay in a bad marriage because ‘I’m thinking about my children’

    Trust me, I know the troubles of a woman who’s not ‘in her husband’s house’. But it’s BS, and your children will blame you for not being strong enough to leave.

    5. Understand that giving up on your marriage is much better than getting killed in your marriage

    The slap that turned to blow will soon develop into cutlass -Pete Edochie. (Just kidding, but you get the drift).

    6. Try counselling with your spouse

    But if you don’t notice a change, forget it!

    7. We’ve realized the worst thing about assholes is they are unaware of their assholish behaviour

    Hence their continued assholery. There’s no reasoning with them!

    8. Seek help!

    Don’t suffer silently. Reach out to people who can help you.
  • Okay it’s not a competition, but before we begin, keep in mind what actual beard gang looks like

    Or at the very least, this

    1. But someone made a thread of the best bearded faces in Kenya

    2. You might see the beard if you use your inner eye

    3. Do you see a beard here?

    4. Okay, 5/10

    5. This beard is thirsty for shea butter

    6. This beard is more like a shadow

    7. Another 5/10 here

    8. We need microscope to see the beauty

    9. Okay, this is a nice one

    10. Where did they put this one before now?

    11. This is what we’re talking about

    12. Errrrrmmmm, NEXT PLEASE!

    13. I want his number