Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 Ronke Otega, Author at Zikoko!
This guy thinks Runtown needs to go and be sleeping inside studio instead of wasting his time on Twitter:
Billion twits won this one. One delivery style all d time?? Runtown should goan reply in studio and leave twitter for opinion abeg pic.twitter.com/xBAhGnXC6w
— blue creative and 2D Animator💙 (@balarabea9) June 5, 2017
This one thinks the clapback was just weak:
BillionTwits did a fire tweet, Runtown clapback was weak "everyone can use sense as clapback" 😭😭😭
Aki (real name: Chinedu Ikedieze) and Pawpaw (real name: Osita Iheme) are the notorious Nollywood movie twins that carry mischief and mayhem with them everywhere they go.
Their wahala has been seen, loved and laughed at on the big screen by many. Here are 16 times when this duo’s movies simply killed us:
1. This one where they were yabbing the poor “court clerk”:
https://youtu.be/A83ks5XgiJ0
2. This one were they were having running stomach:
3. This one where they said they were sent “from the gods”:
https://youtu.be/BNW_V6n1BKk
4. This one where Pawpaw was feeling like a wordsmith:
5. This one where Pawpaw said he wants to be a terrorist:
6. This one where they went to go and put mouth inside something that does not consign them:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=7lidpepc3uE
7. This one where they were dancing like tambolo entered their trousers:
8. This one where they started fighting themselves because of woman:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=aScN8JhE1Jo
9. This one where Pawpaw said he wants to use his father for ritual:
https://youtu.be/GyM9CggfYc0
10. This one where they tried to lie that they did not steal yam:
https://youtu.be/RbUI5VaEsIA
11. This one where they went to go and find trouble in school:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vLkIBa-fufw
12. This one where they just showed what olodos they are:
13. The one where they went to give somebody belle:
14. This one where Aki and Pawpaw joined their mother to fight:
https://youtu.be/UnJmErrfD64
15. This one where they’re trying to toast woman:
https://youtu.be/5k-VrPUrakk
16. And who can forget Aki and Pawpaw in Aki na Ukwa?
It might sound like Gerard, but no, it’s not somebody’s name.
2. Subject-Verb Agreement aka Concord
If you don’t remember this, you should really hide your head in shame. This topic caused so much heartache in English Language exams. The struggle to understand concord and its many rules was real.
3. Monophthong, Diphthong and Triphthong
Probably the only “thongs” you remember now are the ones they wear abi? SMH! Shame! Shame on you! Monophthong, Diphthong and Triphthongs are the three different ways of producing vowel sounds. Remember now?
4. Phrases
Noun phrases, verb phrases, adjectival phrases; back then it seemed like every thing was a phrase.
5. Clauses
Clauses made us feel almost the same way phrases made us feel and were just as, if not more confusing than them.
6. Punctuation Marks
Judging by the nonsense way people write on Facebook and Twitter, I’m pretty sure punctuation was the first thing y’all forgot as soon as WAEC was over. Shebi?
7. Prepositions
When to use “in” and “on”, “under” and “beneath”; prepositions were hard to understand even when we were being taught, talk less of now.
8. Verbs and Adverbs
A verb is an action word or a doing wordAs learned in every Nigerian primary school
If this was you defining a verb in primary school, do like this:
9. Nouns and Pronouns
Name, name, name, name; this game helped us to remember what a noun is. But I’m pretty sure y’all have forgotten.
10. Comparative and Superlative
Just add “-er” or “-est” in some cases. In others, “more” and “most”. But do you even remember which goes when?
Never mind how your week is starting out; good, bad, somehow somehow, this is a selection of videos to keep you laughing through the pain. Feel free to use it to refresh your laughs at various points during the week. You’re welcome!
1. This one about all those friends that just know everybody.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is many things. Writer, Artiste (ah mean she had that song with Beyonce and everything). Bad belle people will call her a feminist troublemaker, but it’s not her fault that she likes to speak her mind, is it?
One thing that CNA also is a bad ass fashion killer, and here are ten times her outfits nearly killed us dead:
1. That time she was looking like a very fashionable bumblebee:
2. That time she was looking just absolutely flawless:
3. That time she was serving serious black and white inspiration:
4. Who says you cannot cover up and still slay anyhow?
5. The bahdest that ever liveth!
6. That time she brought the runway look to life:
7. Have you ever seen a set of colours go together so well?
8. That time she was busy looking like a peng ting:
And after many years of it being swept under the carpet, Nigerians are finally facing it.
Thanks to social media, we’re hearing of more cases, speaking up about those cases and even getting justice for the victims.
But as much as social media has served as a platform for advocates to speak up against Domestic Violence, it has also served as a means for different people who feel like they know shit to come and spit what they think is “wisdom” in our eyes.
Suddenly, everybody thinks they know the golden rule to stopping domestic violence once for all.
So when Pete Edochie’s son, Yul Edochie, also started dropping them tips like it was hot eba, the Internet went:
In the gospel according to Yul, Domestic Violence can be stopped if the woman learns to “zip up”, among other things:
"My father never hit my mother for one day…not just because my father's a gentleman but my mom always knew when to zip up" Yul Edochie. pic.twitter.com/xsBG2YOveP
Why does it have to be the woman’s job to keep the peace?
Yul Edochie is patriarchal. Places burden 100% on woman to keep peace in home. Speaks on the premise Man is god and Woman must bow. Idiot. https://t.co/mD90sGtGk8
So tomorrow, Nigeria will be launching a satellite into space!
Ikr!
The satellite will be launched in partnership with four other countries; Japan, Ghana, Mongolia and Bangladesh, and would be launched into space from the Kennedy Space Centre in Florida, USA.
Here’s a list of a couple things Nigerian women do to get into the groove when it’s sexy time:
1. Have a cool shower.
Gotta keep the surface area clean and smelling fresh. Might as well even trim the edges a little while we’re at it.
2. Remove wig.
No need letting the wig fall off by itself “in the heat of the moment”, or allow one man to come and pull it from your head in the name of making love. Better to just jejely remove the thing and keep it safe. Brazillian wigs don’t come cheap.
3. Tying a headscarf to protect natural hair.
Especially for the naturalistas, this is very important. Somebody cannot come and have a bad hair day the following day just because of some lil’ lovin’ from the night before.
4. Removing make up
Acne is very real. And in order not to look like you just fought with your neighbour, a girl has gotta remove that layer of foundation and eyeliner before the thing clogs up all her pores. It’ll also help the “morning after” glow to shine very well sha.
5. Brush teeth
A girl has got to keep everywhere clean before doing the deed so that if she sleeps off, her morning breath will not smell like Lagos gutter.
6. Practicing seduction tricks in front of the mirror.
It is a fact, Nigerians on social media are savage and have zero chill. If you come for them, they will drag you all over the face of the Internet.
Which is what they are doing to a certain American singer.
So here’s what happened:
A couple days ago, this American singer, Pia Mia (not to be confused with Ota Pia Pia) released a song titled, “I’m a fan” with another singer, Jeremih.
The problem was, Phyno also had a song with the same title released in an album late last year.
Yes o. But that’s not all.
Pia Mia’s song was now very similar to Phyno’s song. In fact, eez like almost the same thing.
It’s very true o.
And naturally, when Nigerians found out they started shouting.
“THIEF! THIEF! THIEF!”
They first proved that something fishy was going on.
We always tell guys to “shoot your shot”. Set that P. Seize that bae. Slide into that DM. History has made men the initiators of love and relationships.
But that history is changing. Men aren’t the only ones taking a bold move. Women are coming out to stake their claim as well.
However, according to this guy, it appears we’re doing a shitty job at it.
These are always our favourite kinds of visitors. The big aunties and uncles that always come armed with goodies and never leave without dropping “something” in your hand when they’re leaving. Stomach infrastructure so on point it’s like they all attended the Fayose School of Stomach Infrastructure.
2. The FFO (For Food Only)
These ones will visit your house for the food. It’s all about the food. They will time it to arrive just when lunch is being prepared so that you will have no choice but to add their mouth join.
3. The Picky Eaters
These ones will refuse everything you offer them. They are either watching their weight or height, and if they even end up agreeing to take something, they will never finish anything you serve them.
4. The Poke Nosers
These ones can’t keep their opinions to themselves. They have an opinion on everything. From how you cook your food to how you discipline your children. Uncle, who asked you?
5. The Unannounced Visitor
These ones will never call or text or even “Wuzzup” before coming around. They’ll just show up, like Judgement Day, and start giving you wahala trying to think of what to offer them, getting where they will sleep ready and everything.
6. The “I Just Dropped By” Visitors
These ones are not so bad. Their visit is always quick. It usually starts and ends at the door. They just sha wanted to see your face that you’re alive and they’re gone. Finish. O pari. Shikena. No stress to go and start buying coke and groundnut.
7. The Freeloader
They might have come into your home for a visit, but before they leave they will become a part of the family. They will enter your house with one small bag, then before you know it, their possessions have full everywhere and they do not want to leave again.
And now, here’s a post on the 7 kinds of people you’ll meet at the ATM:
Nigerians love famzing their celebrities. Especially the ones that help them shine.
So when Anthony Joshua won the world heavyweight championship last month, it didn’t matter that he was playing for Britain, the title was very much for Nigeria as well.
I mean, the Federal Government was all set to invite him to Nigeria and everything.
And they are not even hiding their disapproval at all.
This one has a simple message for Bella…Unlike. Fast.
For this guy, it’s not even a good combination at all and AJ needs something better than Bella.
Ouch.
This one has turned herself to AJ’s mother.
And this one is trying to send Bella back to the Weeknd.
This one wants to do prayer and fasting on AJ’s behalf.
But why y’all Nigerians gotta be so savage?
Meanwhile this one has taken the thing very personal:
All the gorgeous basketball players & NFL players in big big America and she wants to take OUR champion bae?! Nah I'm not having it. pic.twitter.com/Yzl6cRyLld
— Danielle Thee Genius (@HilaireDeclaire) May 22, 2017
But it’s no surprise how personal Nigerians took this though. Especially with the way everyone reacted with the Justine Skye and Wizkid thing.
In other celebrity gist, here’s the very weird answers to all our “Where is Buhari?” questions:
Fam! We’re not sure you can handle this! It’s the Carter Push Party yo!
The Queen Bey aka Mummy Blue aka Iyawo Jay aka soon-to-be Iya I-Bey-Ji, had her push party (which is also known as a baby shower) during the weekend but it was no ordinary baby shower.
The entire thing looked like she was paying homage to Yeye Osun.
The captain explaining how the incident happened. Thumbs up to Arik. They had a spy to watch out because the thieves had been on a run. pic.twitter.com/ouQdl0hF2E
This one likes to watch the line and make sure nobody is cutting the queue or trying to take another person’s space. They will fight you if you argue with them. Just jejely obey and stand where they tell you to.
2. The “I was here before” people
They’re always saying “I was here before”, even though nobody really remembers them being there before.
3. The “please can I enter?” people
These ones don’t want to spend too long on the queue, so they’ll be begging everybody on the line to give them space.
4. The Lord of the Cards
These ones are Baba card holders. Master of the cards. They will come with five ATM cards and will nearly finish all the money from the machine by the time they finish withdrawing.
5. The “I’m at your back” people
They are always at your back. They will go and find somewhere to sit and leave you there protecting their space. As if you too don’t know how to find sit too.
6. The ones that’ll spend 100 years trying to use the machine
They don’t know how to use the ATM but instead of them to ask somebody to help them, they’ll be forming bahd guy.
7. The ones that’ll print receipt only to throw it away
Does it change colour and design for every occasion you would want to wear it please?
— Khalifa Yuguda Kila . (@khalifakila) May 16, 2017
10. Yes, the armor of God will protect you:
This must be the amour of God that they keep screaming about in churches.. My night was alright until I read this tweet, thanks for asking. pic.twitter.com/84gsmIgyOU
So it’s called the RompHim, and it’s really just basically a male romper.
You know, those playsuits women wear that are incredibly difficult to get out of?
Yes. A Romper. Romp-Her. Romp-Him. See what they did there? SMH Silly people.
So the whole RompHim thing started when a couple of guys decided that there weren’t enough male clothes…
…that allowed guys to be more stylish and fun without also sacrificing comfort, fit and versatility”Team ACED
They decided to “fix” the problem. And VOILA!
Introducing the revolutionary summer outfit for men…the RompHim!
The Team set up a kickstarter campaign to help raise funds to start production and so far have received $127,267 pledges for a $10,000goal, with 1,131 backers!
Ikr!
So apparently A LOT of people dig the stuff and are really intent on seeing it become a major fashion statement.
Who knew?
Well, since the campaign went live two days ago, the Internet has been having a field day, and we’re so here for it!
