Osaretin Tunde-Oni, Author at Zikoko!

1. They laugh a little too hard at your jokes.

Aunty I know I’m funny but this kind laugh you dey laugh.
2. Every time you talk about your babe, they look at you like.

Sorry na, I just said she said I should greet you.
3. They’re always at your table/cubicle.

You no dey work? Wetin you dey find?
4. Anytime you pass their desk/cubicle they look at you like.

I’m not coming to meet you, I just want to pee.
5. They’re always offering you food.

Na so Eve catch Adam, my sister I’m alright.. I don chop for morning.
6. When you tell them no, they try to act like its no big deal.

They’ll try to keep smiling even though they want to jump off the roof.
7. When they see you laughing with another coworker.

They’ll act like you’re disturbing them.
8. They blush when you talk to them.

Em… I just asked for a stapler, why you dey do like crayfish?
So this woman said she had a migraine one day

Then slept and woke up speaking chinese the next

You heard me right, my brother…CHINESE

You don’t believe me? She even went to see doctors over it

Me, I no believe sha, but you watch it and be the judge

https://twitter.com/aroueno/status/800786415172911104
1. Yes, I slept with your friend. But now you know she can’t be trusted.

You’re welcome o.
2. Okay, so I ate another womans food. At least now I appreciate yours more

Nawa o, I was only trying to help.
3. Wow, you didn’t know that when I was calling another woman baby, I was only trying to teach you to share

You can’t even share. So selfish
4. So I didn’t pick up your calls. Don’t you know absence makes the heart grow fonder

Duh, I’m doing this for us.
5. Maybe I said football is more important than you. But only because I’m trying to teach you not to trust anyone

Obviously na, it’s common sense na.
6. Yes o, if you cheat, i’ll leave you. Because cheating is wrong

Because cheating is wrong.
7. If I break up with you, i’m only teaching you to have strength

That’s the whole point. Now you’re a stronger person.
These guys were all just chillin’

Squad goals
And then someone walks up to them with a goat and drops it

Oga, you wan make asun or what?
They notice the goat has something that looks like a bomb on it

Blood of Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
So they start to run, but it’s chasing them

Please, this can’t be how I die.
Watch this video and you wont be able to stop laughing

https://twitter.com/Keemzofficial/status/784353488377614341
1. Things Fall Apart by China Achebe

The babanla of all babanla literature books.
2. Animal Farm by George Orwell

4 legs good, 2 legs baaad!
3. The Bottled Leopard by Chukwuemeka Ike

Original textbook on why dreaming about animals is nor good.
4. Joys of Motherhood by Buchi Emechata

Made me hug my mother after I read it.
5. 1984 by George Orwell

Big brother is watching you…
6. The Gods Are Not To Blame by Ola Rotimi

Everyone acted in the play as well.
7. Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Adichie

Made all the girls in my class cry over and over again.
8. Pacesetter Novels

I had to read every single one I came across.
9. The Concubine by Elechi Amadi

Spirit husband no good o.
10. The Secret Lives of Baba Segis Wives by Lola Shoneyin
Women go through a lot tbh.
1. Make sure you invite them 2 hours early because of African Time

You want to start at 11? You have to tell them 9.
2. Make sure your MC isn’t a learner

All his jokes are from when Obasanjo was president.
3. Lose the invite of that uncle that likes to report

See him o, he has already started calling your mother.
4. The two cousins that fight, keep them away from each other

You can’t be using valuable dancing time to separate Mortal Kombat.
5. Don’t worry about sending your in-laws transport money, they’ll find their way

Don’t chase any cats away too, they’re from the village.
6. Keep your yoruba demon friends away from any girls

His version of small chops is a broken heart.
7. Make sure the small chops is plenty unless they’ll be squeezing face

Looking like you killed their mothers.
8. Laugh at everyones jokes, even if they aren’t funny

Your cheeks will pain you but at least everyone’s happy.
1. It’s not you, it’s me

Before nko…who else is it?
2. I think we’re better as friends

May you not lose all your friends…fool.
3. I think our lives are going in different directions now

Better pray your blessings don’t go in a different direction.
4. I don’t want to hold you back

You just want to hold that person you’ve been cheating with.
5. I just need space and time to think

Big man like me is who you’re telling you need space? My life
6. You deserve someone better

I know I do…oloshi
7. I just need to focus on school/work right now

Haba…you too dey lie.
1. Going to eat without asking her if she’s hungry

“Wooow, so you want me to starve. Trying to assassinate me?”
2. Telling her her friend is fine

“Go and marry her na, Judas”
3. Not complimenting her on her outfit…even though she wore the same thing last week

“Seun, it’s my fault. You’ve seen me too much that’s why you can disrespect me like this”
4. Not complimenting her new hair…EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME AS LAST TIME

“No Seun, don’t beg me. It’s like ill just be scraping my hair from now”
5. Not asking her how her day was, even though you guys were together all day

“Nawa for you Seun, so you don’t care if I was with another man?”
6. Not knowing you did something wrong even if she didn’t tell you

“Don’t tell me you don’t understand Seun, you know what you did wrong. I can’t help you”
7. Leaving the room when she tells you to get out

“You too you left?! Better pray I don’t walk out of your life Seun”
When you think of lions and giraffes, you probably think of the lion looking like this

Or at least this

Or this, at the very least

Nobody is expecting the giraffe to do the lion like this, but 2016 no look anyones face

My brother, I was shocked. A whole king of the jungle is who they’re doing like pancake

See how they stepped on his head like he’s a dog. 2016 was stressful for everyone

Really ask ya self who would win in a lion vs giraffe type situation before you watch… pic.twitter.com/uIoULxKdNU
— THE BIGGEST HATER (@BigGhostLtd) November 28, 2016
1. You get a break from work/school for almost 3 weeks

And that’s all that counts
2. Christmas parties are the best

I plan on going for parties from the 19th till the 30th
3. All the free food

Once you say free anything, i’m there
4. People have to be nice to you in the spirit of christmas

Even if I steal your food, you have to be nice to me
5. If your birthday’s in December(like mine), they’ll treat you like a king

Double blessings, just for me
6. When your parents ask you what you want for Christmas and you can’t decide

Do I want new phone? Or should I just collect the money
7. Dancing to that heavy Christmas gbedu at every party

I only do these dance moves in December
8. Dressing up on Christmas day

I must kill it in all the pictures
9. It ends with the beginning of another holiday. New Years Day

It’s the gift that keeps on giving
1. Home Alone

Why didn’t he just call the police? He almost killed them tbh.
2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Otherwise known as “when my mother-in-law came to town”.
3. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Every time you hear ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’, you think of the song
4. A Christmas Carol

Because of this movie, every miser is called “Scrooge”.
5. Frosty the Snowman

Another childhood movie with a super catchy theme song.
6. Jingle All The Way

Back when Arnold was in every movie.
7. The Polar Express

All I wanted (still do) was a ticket to the North Pole.
8. Die-Hard
Just in case you forgot that Die Hard is set during christmas.
1. “Guy, the pad is slippery. Who used it last?”

If you didn’t eat so much, I wouldn’t be losing.

2. Chill, let’s restart. There was something in my eye when you scored that 5th goal.

No, it was sand not my tears.

3. It’s not my fault I lost, you were talking too much. It’s distracting na.

Your voice is too loud.

4. “Let me use that pad. You gave me the bad one, scammer”

The pad is hot even… You knew it was bad.

5. This seat isn’t comfortable. It’s giving me back pain.

So I must break my back over FIFA

6. “Is this FIFA 2020? I only play FIFA 2012”

Why are you bringing a different game for me?

7. “Put on the AC, how am I supposed to play in this heat. Am I a snake?”

Whether you want to cook hotdog in this heat. Fool.

8. I like Call of Duty even. You know i’m not a sports person

I only play shooting games, you know na.
1. I know i’m broke, but I need to treat myself too

I can’t get any broker tbh.
2. I can start saving tomorrow. Today, I spend

Today’s all that matters.
3. When money just enters your account and you remember one shoe you always wanted to buy

Shoes will make me happier than rent.
4. Deals are so attractive when you just get money

5 gala for 249 Naira?! That’s a deal o.
5. When you’re hungry all the time all of a sudden

Food over anything though.
6. When one spirit will just push you to spend

It was my ancestors that were forcing me to spend o.
7. When you check your account balance and the atm screams

Oga no need to shout.
If you’re like me, you never like to stress yourself at all

Sleep is life, life is sleep.
Cooking is a no-no, it has too much work

Can’t come and kill myself over food
Sometimes you wish you could have a servant that made food for you

Is that so bad? To just have one small servant.
Well, look no further. In the very near future, everyone’ll have a robotic chef to do all their cooking

https://twitter.com/Thelnteresting/status/802114648455581696

Now we can get back to the things that are really important, like being fat and lazy.
1. Jolloficus-Ricicus

Creates jollof rice out of thin air.
2. Generatiamus

Turns on your generator when NEPA takes light.
3. Agua-Bagua

Brings ice cold pure water to you on a hot day.
4. Inlaws-mobilio

Sends your wahala in-laws (especially your mother-in-law) back to their village.
5. Morsel-diffindo

Perfectly splits food down the middle to make sharing easier.
6. Transportium-prohibere

Stops your danfo from leaving without you.
7. Frigidum

Freezes things, for those hot sunny days.
8. Incend-oleum

Shoots hot oil out of the wand. For plantain.
1. “If i hear peem”

“One word must not come out of your mouth”
2. “If you move your hand, i’ll add more”

Ultimate form of torture.
3. “Oya, hold your lips like this”

“I dont even want to hear you breathe”.
4. “Stand on that tile and don’t move an inch”

You’ll be doing gymnastics over cane.
5. “Don’t beg me, it’ll only make it worse”

Dun cry dun beg, issallova.
6. “If I let my hand touch you, you’ll see heaven”

“Just jejely take the cane and go”.
7. I didn’t kill my mother so you won’t kill me

“I’ll kill you before you kill me”.
8. “Did you just raise your hand to block me? You want to box me”

“You want to assassinate your father ba?”.
1. …Because I’m broke?

I don’t understand the question oga.
2. …My brother, do you think bag of rice is cheap?

Oga please, no vex me today.
3. …Is this a joke?

Or do I look like I came here to laugh?
4. …You know there’s recession ba?

It’s not just a word oga, it’s very real.
5. …If you wanted me to beg, why didn’t you just say it

Just say the words and i’ll beg, no dey form.
6. …Oya I’m begging, I take God beg you

Please don’t make cry because I can do it.
7. Please…my brother, I’m so hungry.

It’s my stomach that is sounding, not the generator.
1. “They just released a new textbook that’s compulsory for exams”

It’s not that expensive, just 20,000.
2. “We have one excursion like this, we need to rent a bus to take us”

They said its 5,000 per person because it’s AC bus.
3. “Before we graduate we need to do one small clearance like this”

They said 12,000 clearance fee or we can’t graduate.
4. “Medicals are coming up soon o. E cost small”

We need to pay quickly, doctors want to strike.
5. “They said we have to pay faculty dues this week”

You know I can’t lie to you mummy.
6. “They just renovated the hostel…the price doubled”

It’s even annoying me that we’re paying this much. But what can we do?
7. “They said they want to strike unless we pay their union fees”

I’m not smiling mummy, this is a laugh of anger, trust me.
8. “They’ve increased our school fees”

They added 25,000 o!
9. “We’re doing one presentation like that and we have to pay research fees”

I’ll get F9 if I don’t pay
10. “We’re doing one experiment like this and we need to buy a special lab coat”

The lab coat is not made in Nigeria sha.
1. When someone mentions reporting you to the boss

Report who? You no know oga na my padi.
2. When someone from another department sends you on an errand

You think i’m your house boy ba?
3. When they hire a new person and you’re now the senior worker

Na me be O.G.
4. How you sit down at your desk

This is my fathers parlour now.
5. When someone that used to bully you at the office now needs your help

Can you see your life?
6. How you look at your phone when you get a work text at home

Don’t you people sleep, nawa o.
7. When someone threatens to fire you

I beg your pardon?! You know who I am?
8. When they actually fire you for slacking off

Oga please, i’m a father of five. Don’t do this.
1. When you take the first spoonful

This doesn’t look so bad.
2. Then the taste hits you

Blood of Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
3. But the person that cooked it is staring at you

“Do you like it?”
4. You’re there trying to smile while you’re thinking…

Death, na you be this?
5. You’re dying and smiling like it’s a 5-star meal

Bros, these are tears of joy, not disgust.
6. You swallow and nearly faint

I think I just tasted an eyeball…IN RICE!!
7. The person offers you more and you start to wonder if you’re really going to die now

Or maybe i’m dead already and this is hell.
8. When you realise this is just the first spoon, there’s still a whole plate in front of you

Maybe I should just jump out of the window.
1. When she says don’t worry then “I just think it’s funny how…”

But you just said don’t worry na.
2. When you tell her you’re going out with your friends and she says ‘have fun’

Wazz all dis ?
3. When you say you’re hungry and she says “tell that your other babe to cook for you na”

Nawa for you o.
4. When you tell her sorry and she says “sorry for yourself”

Some people sha…
5. When she says “you can’t even say sorry”

Didn’t I just say sorry 40 times?!
6. When she sends an angry text and you’re trying to remember what you did wrong

But….all I said was “hello”.
7. When she says “get out” and then starts crying when you want to go

I’m so confused…what’s going on.
1. The beggy-beggy.

Prepared to beg his life away for the job.
2. The one that came to kill it.

Acting like na only him get road.
3. The nervous guy.

Sweating under AC like say we dey desert.
4. The one that acts like he’s going to get the job.

See the way he’s doing like Sina Rambo.
5. The baby.

Looks like he just finished primary school.
6. The fashionista.

Oga we came to find job, not modelling contract. Nawa for you.
7. The connects guy

Always calling somebody that knows somebody, even though they’re not picking up.
8. The O.G

Has been to 10 offices before this one, always looking bored.
9. The person sleeping like it’s his fathers parlour.

He’s even snoring ontop of it. Blood of Jesus.
1. Aunty no vex, I sick one kin sick ehn

“my body still dey pain me as you dey see me now”.
2. I thought you said you want am next tomorrow

“You see you suppose remind me”.
3. NEPA never bring light since that time you come

“This light you dey see just show today”.
4. I dey my village since, my mama dey vomit blood

“my brother, we thank God say she still dey alive”.
5. Since Buhari enter office, fuel no dey my side. So I no fit on the generator

“Na you vote APC, so na your fault too”.
6. I’ve done it, but I wan do am wella so I don start again, you get?

“Because you’re my G”.
7. Armed robber stopped me inside danfo and stole your clothes, I’ll do it again for you

“Just wait small first”.
1. Using your toothpaste till the very end…I mean the very end

You know how much toothpaste costs nowadays? My friend cut it open!
2. Using soap till it disappears

If I can see the soap, I don’t need a new bar na.
3. Ironing clothes using boiling water in pots

I can use that money for iron to buy food for 3 weeks.
4. Using an iron to toast bread

I can use it to fry egg too, if you want.
5. Who needs a side-view mirror? Mechanic is expensive nowadays

Because money is just growing out of my ears ba?
6. The dishwashing soap is never empty as long as there’s water

Yes, I know it’s just coloured water at this point but money no dey oga.
7. No dustbin? No problem!

Until they pay my allowance, this stool is my dustbin.
1. First off, you download every season of Game Of Thrones on the office Wi-Fi.

A Lannister always pays his debts.
2. Next, you scatter the toilet, one last time.

One last special send off.
3. Finally, you get to let your office crush know how you really feel.

It’s now or never.
4. But you have to act like it’s not paining you.

I’m not crying, it’s just eye sweat.
5. Act like you weren’t just begging your boss for a second chance.

Oga, I take God and Angel Gabriel beg you.
6. Show up at work the next day and act like nothing happened.

It wasn’t me they fired o, it was Femi.
7. Get dragged out like a bag of rice.

Nawa for una, you can’t even take a joke.
8. Wonder why this life is a pot of beans.

Because this can’t be my life.
1. ‘Pssst’

When they’re too tired/stressed to say your name.
2. ‘This one’

When looking at you is just annoying them.
3. ‘That one’

When they’re eyeing you as you’re walking out.
4. ‘Em, what’s your name’

When they’re concentrating on something else but need your help.
5. ‘Mr man’

When they’re about to tell you how unserious you are.
6. ‘My dear’

Used when they’re warning you in a public place.
7. ‘Alan poser’

When they’re hailing you for your outfit.
8. ‘Eysss’ (Ace)

Closely related to ‘this one’, used when they’re about to say you’re stupid.
1. Bathroom Slippers

Perfect width and length for slaps too.
2. Wooden Spoons

For easy kitchen beatings.
3. Slides

Fantastic for throwing at the head of your younger siblings.
4. Your fathers belt

When the belt comes out, someone’s dying.
5. Good ol’ fashioned slaps

Some matters can only be settled by hand.
6. The wires at the back of the TV

The koboko of the sitting room.
7. Broom (Igbale)

When your mother/aunty just wants to kill you.
1. Every one has different colours to identify their stuff

All my clothes were blue, my two brothers were red and green.
2. Getting ‘hand-me-downs’ instead of new clothes

We called them “you go grow reach am”.
3. Constantly sharing your bed

There’s always one uncle/aunty that’s sharing your bed.
4. Running to the bathroom in the morning to be the first to shower

I won gold in the 100 meter bathroom dash.
5. People always eating food you kept for later

They even put the empty plate back in the fridge.
6. Your parents beating all the kids for something one person did

Getting slapped over something that happened when you were asleep.
7. Always having to share food with your siblings

Share everything like national cake.
Have you ever been in a situation where you caught them cheating on you.

Jesus, Gbemi.
And then you tried to fight for pride and love

As a bad guy.
But mainly because you’re so angry.

Na me you dey do like this?!
And they beat you into next summer.

Haba, you sef you no dey play.
So you try begging.

Gbemi please come back.
And your babe is just looking at you like.

“Come back ko, commercial bank ni”.
And the home wrecker is looking at you like.

“Bros, you no know say na me finish work”.
So you try to fight for love one more time.

Gbemi, i’ll die for you!
They now beat you again…for a second time.

This life is just a pot of spoilt beans.
If you’ve gone through all this, you should relate perfectly to this video of penguin home wrecking and cheating.

A fight breaks out when a husband comes home and finds his wife with another penguin. pic.twitter.com/9ejYGcJ5TJ
— National Geographic TV (@NatGeoTV) November 4, 2016
1. C.V by the Mo’Hits All-Stars.

Before they split up and broke our hearts.
2. Mushin2Mohits by Wande Coal.

A classic by the ‘Jewel of Mushin’.
3. Face2Face by 2Face.

2baba! This was his original child, before the 20 children.
4. Superstar by Wizkid.

Before the Starboy, there was the Superstar.
5. The Entertainer by D’banj.

The kokomaster himself has to be in our top 10.
6. MI1 by M.I

Kickstarted the rap scene in Nigeria, we owe M.I a lot.
7. Gongo Aso by 9ice.

Street credibility lomo!
8. The W Experience by Banky W.

I used to sing ‘Strong Ting’ to any girl that would listen.
9. Expressions by Styl Plus.

Nigerias premiere boy-band.
10. C.E.O by Dagrin.

RIP to the godfather of rap, no one ever comes close.
1. It takes you a good 45 minutes to get out of bed.

You’re considering if you should just call oga and say you’re sick.
2. Your face when you remember you have work/school tomorrow morning.

Your entire face will just spoil like yesterdays fish.
3. How you look at everyone all morning.

As you’re seeing them, you’re just getting headache.
4. You’ve broken your alarm clock 3 times this year.

When it wants to give you a heart attack.
5. You’ve started falling asleep at work.

Desk o, bed o, e no matter. Sleep na sleep.
6. You don’t have time for makeup, just sleep.

They should be happy you even tried to put on the makeup.
7. When you remember you can sleep in the next day, you shed tears of joy.

You can’t understand that sort of blessing.
1. The lowkey alcoholic.

“It’s not vodka I’m drinking, its water”
2. The highkey alcoholic.

“Whether you know I’m drinking is for your pocket”
3. The office snitch.

“Whatever you’re doing, Oga must know”
4. The joker.

Can find something to joke about at 8am on Monday morning.
5. The one that always eats smelly food at his desk.

The whole office smells like egusi and fish because of him.
6. Oga/Aunty Turnup

Always trying to turn the office into a club. Says TGIF more than he says hello.
7. The person that’s always absent

You’ve only seen them once this year and it’s November.
8. The office DJ

“I know we have work, but you gats feel this heavy gbedu first.”
9. The office driver.

Drops the entire office on his way home.
1. Mexico has worse traffic than Lagos.

Commuters in traffic spend on average five and a half weeks a year in traffic.
2. Libya is hotter than Nigeria by far.

At 50-degrees celsius, you can fry an egg on the streets on Libya.
3. North Korea and Somalia are the most corrupt countries in the world.

Nigeria barely reached top 30. And somebody is talking about ‘kwaraption’.
4. Belgium has the most potholed road in the world.

Ford uses it to test cars. Thats how bad it is.
5. South African drivers are a lot more violent than Nigerian drivers.

People getting shot is a regular occurrence in South African traffic.
6. Nigeria can’t even compare to Venezuela in kidnappings.

On average, 46 people get kidnapped a day.
7. Belgium has the highest amount of armed robberies in the world.

11 people get robbed a day in Belgium, that means they can rob you 5 times on your way to work.
1. 1 Dollar = 1000 Naira

Heart attack in one sentence.
2. 70 Naira gala.

How am i supposed to buy gala and coke now?
3. V.I.O.

Agents of frustration.
4. Your mother calling your full name.

You’ll be destabilised, even though you dunno why she’s calling you.
5. Buying a meat pie that has nothing in it.

Just chest pain for the rest of the day.
6. Sending credit to a wrong number.

Have to call MTN and start crying on the phone.
7. Your parent dropping the cane and wanting to use their hands.

That means they’re prepared to kill.
8. When the ATM didn’t dispense but you still got debited.

Enough to make a grown man cry.
1. Once you vomit, you’re pregnant.

Most accurate pregnancy test, never fails.
2. Once they’re in white, they’re an angel.

No questions asked, if he’s in white you do what he says.
3. If its a trending topic, there’s a movie about it.

I get all my gist from Nollywood.
4. Cowries are only used for juju.

Only witch-doctors have them.
5. Piano music is ALWAYS a bad sign.

Something bad is about to happen.
6. Your mother-in-law wants to kill you.

Trust me, she wants you dead.
7. Once you’re in school uniform, you can pass off as a child.

Doesn’t matter if you look like a father of 4.
8. Once you return from America, you’re a ‘bad boy’.

Even if you went for school, you’re sha a bad boy.
1. Archie.

Original Yoruba demon, I’m sure his full name is ‘Oluwa-archie’.
2. Beano.

Dennis the Menace and wahala went hand in hand.
3. Famous Five.

If you remember this, you’re an OG.
4. Dandy.

Remember how they were the rivals of Beano?
5. Asterix and Obelix.

With their magic strength potion.
6. The Adventures of Tintin.

The original Indiana Jones.
7. Richie Rich.

Had bastard money, everyone wanted to be him.
8. The Secret Seven.

Written by the same author as ‘Famous Five’.
9. Enid Blytons ‘Popular Reward Series’.

Always set in a magical world and full of fantasy.
1. Harry Potter.

“You want to be your mother-in-law? A witch?”
2. Pokemon.

“A demon? In your pocket?! Are you even balanced at all?”
3. Digimon.

“The devil is now digital? Tufia!”
4. Jumanji.

“Im sure its Sister Jacqueline from the village that came up with it.”
5. Dragon Ball Z.

“It has ‘Dragon’ in its name… do the math yourself.”
6. Matilda.

“You want to be making things fly ba? Very what? Very good”
7. The Addams Family.

“You want to watch the devils family?”
8. Sabrina The Teenaged Witch.

“Oh, you want to be a witch now? To learn how to kill me ba?”
1. The woman that brings cane from the market for your mother

You always suspected that she must be a witch, how else will a person be selling instruments of sorrow?
2. The lesson teacher

Only comes when you’re playing games or sleeping. He knows when you’re enjoying because that’s the only time he shows.
3. The beggy-beggy uncle

Always comes to ask your parents for money but can never share with you.
4. The aunty that is always looking for husband

The only time she ever comes out of her room or cooks is when one of her men shows up.
5. The aunty that never gives you more than one piece of meat

If there are 50 pieces of meat, you’re getting one, if she had her way you’ll get half.
6. The uncle that always forms accent but has never travelled

Always calling everyone “mehn” and talking about Atlanta like say him papa na 50 Cent.
7. The cousin that always steals your toys

It’s only because of the love you have for his mother that you haven’t slapped his soul into July.
8. The school teacher that always gives you homework.

The type of people that can give you homework to do during your lunch break.
1. The Comedian

He/She can’t have a serious conversation and is always cracking jokes.
2. The Fighter

They take everything too seriously, always ready to turn the smallest joke into World War 3.
3. The ‘LOOOL’ Person

Never actually contributes anything sensible, just LMAOO’s and LOOOL’s. You’re starting to wonder if they’re alright mentally.
4. The Lover

Always talking about their relationship and how much they love it. Na them love pass.
5. The Gossip Girl

They don’t care that your aunty just died. Gbemi cheating on her husband is more important.
6. The Watcher

Don’t say anything at all. They just read everyone’s gist and keep quiet.
7. The Broadcaster

They don’t care whether the BC makes sense, they just know say that if na BC, dem must share am.
8. The People Stuck In The Past

The person that’s always one day late to the chat and spends the whole time trying to understand what’s going on.
9. The Selfie Person

They don’t care about your life, they just want you to tell them their selfies are gorgeous.
So this cow was just chilling, minding its business.

Then from nowhere, these guys decided to form voltron and kill it.

Only problem is… no be small cow them wan kill.

Well…maybe not that big, but E big shaaa.

So they nominated one guy to do the killing.

As he’s trying (and failing) the cow’s looking at him like.

Baba cow decides he’s had enough and attacks.

The guy’s like.

His friends abandon him like.

The rest is history, watch it yourself.

https://twitter.com/Josh__IK/status/776054873607528448