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Hassan Yahaya, Author at Zikoko! Hassan Yahaya, Author at Zikoko!
  • A Rollercoaster Week in the Life of a Medical Waste Manager

    A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” packs medical waste for a living. Medical waste includes blood products, placentas, used needles and syringes and other waste products used in medical facilities. He talks about struggling with motivation to work, the dangers of packing medical waste and being treated poorly by his employer.

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    TUESDAY:

    I’m not in the mood to resume work today. Although I didn’t work yesterday, I still don’t feel rested. One minute I had the whole of Monday to myself, the next, it was 5 p.m.

    Everyone knows that the evening of your off day signifies the end of enjoyment. A little sleep, a little slumber and you’re back to work the next day. 

    Unfortunately, the next day has become today, and I’m not happy about it. 

    A typical workday lasts nine hours, plus an extra hour for the journey to and from my house. I work for three or four days from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. With this schedule, I can still find time to do other side hustle and jama jama to make money. But it’s not always that straightforward. 

    There’s the occasional weekend work, which can be tiring. Then there’s dealing with the hazards of the job like needle pricks and falling sick. 

    There’s also having to interact with difficult and demanding hospital staff, which makes everything blurry. 

    Suddenly, the job goes from “simple” cleaning of hospitals and collection of medical waste to managing people. 

    A perfect example of how this job goes from zero to a hundred: last week, my junior colleague and I went to one private hospital to pack waste. We were supposed to be done in 15 mins, but we were still there after 45 mins, so my colleague shouted at them to hurry up. The next thing, they threatened to report us to our supervisor. And because the customer is always right, I had to step in to appease and negotiate a middle ground. Although we were in the right, we still had to be diplomatic. 

    Our first stop for today is that same facility. I had better start preparing for work so that we don’t run into any issues with them today. 

    God knows that I’m not in the mood to play nice.  

    WEDNESDAY:

    When I started work today, I wasn’t expecting to get pricked by a used needle. At one of our regular stops, the hospital staff didn’t tell me that they had packed used needles alongside other medical waste. And because one aspect of the job involves weighing the waste to determine the cost, I picked up the nylon without thinking. 

    The next thing I felt was a sudden sharp sensation in my hand. At first, I was quiet, the next minute, I started screaming at the staff, asking if they were trying to kill me. 

    The worst part is that when my oga heard what happened, he just told me pele and asked me to treat myself and be well before tomorrow.

    I know the protocol for handling such cases is O.Y.O — on your own — but his reply made me feel terrible. He couldn’t even offer small support towards my treatment. 

    I bought a “flusher” [Editor’s note: this is a cocktail of drugs believed to “clean” the system] from the local chemist, but when the hand started swelling, I went to see a nurse near my house. Although she gave me pain relief drugs and Ampiclox Beecham, I still bought agbo to add to the power.  

    When the pain became unbearable, I started thinking about my life. In my 10 years of working this job, I’ve not gotten many benefits. I’ve had to pay out of pocket for everything; from Izal to clean our truck to hand gloves for handling waste, to the soap we use for bathing after a day’s job. 

    I’ve always swallowed my complaints because I have a family to look after. When my boss told me I had to cover three local governments, I didn’t complain. When they told me they were increasing the facilities I cover from about 100 to 138, I didn’t complain. After they added another role to my job without pay, I still didn’t complain.

    I guess that saying is true: it’s how you lay your bed that you lie on it. I blame myself for not talking out before now.

    THURSDAY:

    I resumed work today with my swollen hand. The only thing I heard after protesting not to work was, “You know we can’t leave the hospitals dirty. Your work is essential to keeping the hospitals clean.”

    In my mind, I just kept asking, “If I’m so essential, why don’t our bosses rate us?”  Outwardly, I just smiled and changed into my work clothes. 

    Today’s run was a bit different. Because of my hand, I was in the passenger’s seat instead of the driver’s, so I had time to observe. 

    At our first stop, I noticed the staff were frowning when they saw our vehicle. In my head, I thought facility staff were always happy to see us because we made their lives easier. 

    In our next stop, which was a general hospital, I observed that we spent a lot of time waiting for someone to attend to us. And after they did, we still ended up fighting with them for not properly disposing of their waste. 

    At our third stop, I noticed my colleague was about to eat without washing his hands. He must have forgotten he was handling the waste today and not in the passenger’s seat as usual. I quickly reminded him to wash his hand before he’d kill himself. 

    Our last stop was in Ikorodu, where we dumped all the waste we had packed for the day. As I watched the people in the facility burn the waste, a part of me hoped they could extend the same treatment to our wicked leaders and employers. 
    On my way home, as my hand kept burning. I found myself considering getting another job. However, a voice in my head kept on asking me: where will you see it?


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • The Business Man Flirting With the Idea of a 9-5 — A Week in the Life

    A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a businessman who sells electronic gadgets for a living. He talks about his unconventional approach to business, being dealt with by the exchange rate and why he’s considering getting a 9-5.

    MONDAY:

    Today was a rough day. I woke up late, got delayed in Lagos traffic and had to pursue dispatch riders up and down.  On top of that, I also had to figure out where to buy dollars at an affordable rate so I could restock my goods. 

    Between clueless bank officials, CBN’s ever-changing policies and dispatch riders, I had my hands full in fire fighting mode. 

    Frustrated by the bank, I spent a huge part of the day on the internet looking for someone who wanted to send naira home. Then I also spent some time recalculating the cost of my goods and giving room for price fluctuations. 

    In the middle of this, I kept on getting calls from customers asking for their goods, and dispatch riders complaining about one problem or the other. 

    When I could no longer bear the information overload, I put my phone on silent, paused all notifications, and went to cool my head. 

    I just told myself that tomorrow is another day to try again. 

    TUESDAY:

    I run my gadget business unconventionally. I don’t own a physical store, nor have social media presence or even hold on to stock for long. I work mostly based on word of mouth referrals. I take custom orders to help people buy phones on eBay, Amazon or from trusted dealers. And when I buy stuff for myself, I sell everything off at computer village. I don’t keep any stock.

    I don’t know why I’m like this. Maybe it’s because I’m not crazy about the idea of owning a store, or perhaps it’s because I dislike the processes that come with keeping stock. 

    My method is less stressful because I can fulfill orders on my phone. I also have a car to drive around for pickups and occasional deliveries. 

    I’ve been running this business like this for over 10 years, so I guess I’m doing something right. In recent times, though, the business hasn’t been as good as it used to be. I’ve gone from making 10-20% on a phone sale to making 5-8%. This means that if I used to make ₦25,000 on one sale, I now make around ₦8,000. 

    I blame two things: high exchange rates and losing my customer base to japa. While I don’t have the answer to stopping my customers from running away, I’d rather not dwell on the dollar matter. I don’t want to sound like a broken record. 

    Today, I’m going to personally deliver all the goods the dispatch riders failed to deliver yesterday. The thought of the traffic I’m going to face is discouraging me from leaving the comfort of my bed. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Well, I guess that there’s something in the air this week. First, I woke up to an email from Amazon saying that they had blocked my account and frozen my money. According to them, I had too many “suspicious” card activities. They didn’t even give me a chance to explain that because I’m always sourcing for affordable dollar rates, I have to use different cards from my family and friends abroad. 

    This afternoon, my agent called to say that my goods were experiencing delays at the port. A few minutes later, customers who had paid upfront started calling me to ask for their property. There I was, caught between not wanting to lie and not wanting to give excuses. 

    Well, since you asked, my day went perfectly well. How was yours?

    THURSDAY:

    I’m up early today, not for work but to think. In recent times, business has been slow. What was once a sweet business with highs and lows now has a lot more lows. And the hoops to jump through keep on increasing. 

    Now, I’m considering getting a job that serves as a safety net. 

    But what are the prospects out there for someone who hasn’t worked in a formal job for more than 8 months in 10 years?

    I’m definitely not doing anything that requires me to submit a CV or write one foolish essay or test. . Tech sounds nice but I don’t want to code. Maybe I’ll do hardware…

    Truthfully, my ideal job is one where I’m helping people solve their gadget problems. Just text me that your laptop has a problem or you’re unsure of what laptop to buy and watch me light up. Not sure what phone to get? I’m your guy. You want someone to give IT support? Na me.

    I’m honestly a bit confused and my head hurts from all the thinking I’ve had to do this week. 

    Wo, I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m grateful for the life I currently have. 

    Regardless of how my job search turns out, I know I have no regrets about running a business. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • Toddlers Are Always Trying to Harm Themselves — A Week in the Life of a Stay-at-Home Mum

    A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a stay-at-home mum looking after a toddler. She talks about having to resign from her job while pregnant, the many ways toddlers try to off themselves and why she has no regrets even though some parts of her life are currently strenuous.

    MONDAY:

    Midnight:

    My day starts at this time for two reasons: either because my son took a late afternoon nap and he hasn’t slept yet, or he’s asleep and I’m boiling hot water and packing his food for when he wakes up around 3 a.m. to eat. 

    Thankfully, today is the latter. 

    The past couple of days have been intense: My son, his royal highness, has been refusing to sleep early, so my husband and I have had to take turns to beg him to sleep, sing for him, give him a night shower, and rock him to sleep under the AC. But, we didn’t do all that before he slept off today. 

    The day started with the voice of my baby waking me up around 10 a.m. In the previous days, my son would probably still be asleep by that time. And that’s why when I looked at the time after waking up, I started his day with a bath, a meal and general grooming activities. By the time I was done at 11 a.m., he was fully prepared to make my day a circus. 

    At one point, I was washing his plates from the morning meal, using my side-eye to monitor him, picking up after his mess and at the same time, considering running away from everything. 

    Before I blinked, it was 1 p.m. and I found myself changing diapers because he had pooed. Afterwards, I fed him again. Then I spent the next few hours fighting him for my phone to prevent him from smashing the phone or downloading weird apps and videos. 

    One minute I was hiding my phone, the next, it was 3 p.m. and I was setting the mood for nap time. Down went the blinds, up went the A.C, out went the diapers, into his tummy went water and then baby was gently rocked.  

    The moment I heard his first snore, I put him gently into his cot, tiptoed away quietly, and crammed all of the day’s chores into his sleep time. By the time I heard his first cry two hours later, I had already successfully washed, dried and ironed his clothes from the previous week. 

    Luckily, I didn’t have to hold him for long because his dad got back home a few hours after he woke up. From the front door, before he even had any time to catch his breath, I handed his child to him alongside baby food to feed to him. 

    After his meal and small rough play, he safely tucked himself into the arms of his dad. From then on, it was a waiting game for him to fall asleep. By 9:30 p.m., he was in dreamland. Then, my own day began and I could finally press my phone and catch up with the world. 

    Now, I’m up at midnight making plans for when he wakes up to eat in the middle of the night. Nothing serious. Just another week keeping up with a one year and eight months old baby. 

    TUESDAY:

    The first thought in my head when I hear the voice of my baby this morning is, “how do mothers who work while raising kids do it?” Because watching an active toddler for 30 minutes is enough to drive anyone insane. Not to add the stress of a 9-5 on top. 

    I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve screamed “no, no, no” today. In fact, one of the first things my baby learned to say was “no, no, no” because of how frequently I say it to him. If I’m not chasing him, he’s chasing me. Yet, I’ll still be the one who needs a foot massage from my husband at the end of a workday. Children are terrorists and I don’t know where they get their energy from. 

    When I talk to more experienced mothers, I hear that this is still the “good stage.” Apparently, my baby is still going to pass through terrible twos and threes, which means he’ll still show me more pepper. The thought of this alone is enough to make me not want another child. 

    For this child, my life literally stopped when I got pregnant. I went from being the best salesperson for a particular product at an FMCG to being asked to resign at work the next year due to pregnancy complications. Nothing hurt as much as watching 6 years and 4 months of my life slip through the cracks because I couldn’t show up at work like I used to. What made it more painful was seeing my company not caring for my well-being as much as I did for theirs. 

    Outside of work, don’t even get me started on the weird pregnancy cravings: coke in a glass bottle and not plastic coke. Vanilla ice cream from Chicken Republic. Garri water. Cold Nutri C or Ribena. 

    Not to talk of pregnancy complications such as always wanting to vomit, spitting every day — and my husband having to regularly empty and wash my spit cup — and losing almost 7 kg of weight under two months. 

    I can’t imagine going through this again, especially now that this time I’ll have to look after two kids. Although, occasionally, when I think about how much I love my son, the love of my life, aka the terrorist of my life, I find myself reconsidering my decision. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    We’re up early this morning. By we, I mean my son, his dad and me. Today is for spending time with grandma so mummy can have time off to run a few errands. Top of the list is to crochet a few beanies and scarves for sale as a supplementary source of income. 

    Since I left my job, I’ve been asking myself how women live and raise kids without jobs. While I recognise that this is a privileged stance, I still can’t help but wonder. The only reason I haven’t lost my mind is that I saved up a lot of money while I was still working a proper 9-5. It was just in late 2020 that I converted my crochet hobby into a side business for extra income and a sense of control in a chaotic routine. Even though the crocheting business is decent, I’m making plans to return to the corporate world in 2022 when my baby turns two. I’ve already started putting out feelers for a sales role in FMCG or a customer success specialist in a tech company. 

    However, nothing has come out for now. I know it’s just a matter of time before I hit my dreams. 

    But that one is in the future. Today, the only thing on my mind is how many scarves and hats I can make between when I drop off my son and when I have to pick him. 

    THURSDAY:

    To the untrained observer, toddlers are adorable balls of goodness that can do no harm. To us, the initiated, these toddlers are tiny balls of energy bent on harming themselves.

    This afternoon, I looked away for just one second and my child had scaled his cot. One minute he was inside and safe, the next, I heard gbim, watched him land on his arm and saw him run to me while crying. Thank God the arm is still working fine. 

    After that episode, he went climbing the glass table. As I was running towards him, he kept shouting “no, no, no.” In my head, I was like if you’re shouting that word, then you know what you’re doing is bad, so why are you still doing it? 

    During a diaper change, while I was disposing of the used napkins, this boy went to touch live socket. I was too shocked to react until after I had removed him from danger. Then, I had to explain to him why electricity is not child’s play. 

    As if that warning was not enough, this boy entered the kitchen and was playing with the gas cylinder. 

    The last thing I remember from today is calling my husband on the phone to come and carry his child before he kills me. 

    FRIDAY:

    My mother-in-law is around, so today is a good day already. Whenever she’s around, I’m rest assured to get the necessary time off to breathe. After yesterday’s episode, I’m glad she’s around. I’m confident that between her shift in the morning and my husband’s shift at night, they can look after my son. I’m rooting for them. 

    Me, I’m focusing on catching my breath for as long as I can. Transitioning from wife to mother has been one hell of a journey. Sometimes I just sit down and say that this tiny grain of rice that was once in my tummy is now breathing, living, terrorising and I’ love it. This person came out of my stomach. That is, na me born am. Small me of yesterday is now a mother. Wow. 

    As much as I complain, cry, and fuss about the stress of raising a child, I don’t think I’d change anything if I could go back in time. For me, regardless of the stress, there has been no greater joy than seeing someone who is half of me and half of the person I love. 

    In fact, if you asked me to absolutely change anything today, the one thing I’d probably change is the TV channel. My mother-in-law put the television on Zee World but, I want to watch good-old Law and Order SVU to kickoff my relaxation. 

    I too am someone’s child. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • “I’m a Minister of Enjoyment” — A Week in the Life of a Pastor

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” lives two lives. She’s a trader during the day and a pastor in between/when she’s not trading. For today’s “A Week In The Life”, she talks about her decision not to be a full-time pastor, balancing a 9-5 alongside her divine calling, and the many ways she enjoys herself as a human being.

    MONDAY:

    No matter what time I sleep, my body automatically wakes up at 7 a.m. The first thing I do after waking up is to prepare a light breakfast of tea and yellow crackers biscuit. 

    Breakfast ends at around 7:15 a.m. and I spend some time replying to WhatsApp messages from the night before. At around 7:30 a.m., I’m back in my bed preparing for round two of sleep. 

    Because I live two lives, both as a pastor and a trader, my day starts and ends at interesting times. On most days, I’m up till 3 a.m. praying and so I don’t leave for my shop until around 11 a.m. Luckily for me, the business I’m into — buying and selling of children’s bags, water bottles etc — doesn’t pick up until around noon so I’m good. If I was a full-time pastor my schedule would have been way more flexible. Sadly, I love my independence and I’d rather not be at the mercy of my congregation for money for food, clothing or school fees. 

    That’s why at 7:45 a.m. I turn off my data, put my phone on “do not disturb” and start my second round of sleep. When I wake up from round two of sleep, then my day will fully begin. 


    TUESDAY:

    I’m feeling nostalgic today and reminiscing about the past. It’s funny that there was a time when I wasn’t ready to serve God. At the time I received my first divine calling, I was running a fairly successful frozen food business in the heart of Lagos, and so the idea of leaving enjoyment for God seemed impossible to me. 

    God “called” me almost nine times, through people and directly, and I just let that phone ring and ring. At the time, I was certain that I was built for enjoyment alone. 

    However, calamity struck my perfect life. The abridged version is that the person who gave me capital to set up and run my business collected everything I had built and left me out to dry. 

    And so, like the prodigal son, I ended up returning to my father’s house. Ever welcoming, I was received with open hands where I enrolled into various schools under the church. 

    Since that experience, I learnt to put God first in all my dealings. I didn’t complain when I had to stop wearing trousers and weave on. I also accepted to live by the doctrine of the church. 

    In fact, when I wanted to start my trading business, I put a list of 10 businesses I was interested in with the boutique business at the top of the list. But a spirit kept on telling me that the boutique business wasn’t for me. To be sure, I gave this list to a few pastors to pray for me and a large majority ended up picking my current business. 

    As a now loyal servant of God, I let his will be done in my life and followed suit. I can say without any doubt that following God has been the best decision I’ve made. I’m not wealthy but he always makes a way for me.

    What more can I ask for?

    WEDNESDAY:

    I’ve had an interesting Wednesday. My day started as usual; I slept late, woke up to eat, went back to bed and opened the shop by 11 a.m. 

    However, today was the first day this month where I made over ₦50,000 revenue in one sale. And to think that minutes before the customer walked in I was flirting with the idea of going to the market because the day was slow. I was in the shop from 11 a.m. till 3 p.m. and not a single customer came in. Just as I was about to start packing, the man came to restock new bags, water bottles and socks for his kids. When he paid for the goods, I screamed internally.

    Almost immediately after he left, I got another call from someone in my congregation asking me to send my account number. I told the person not to bother but they kept on insisting and blowing up my phone with calls. According to the man, I was the only pastor who prayed for him without collecting money. Instead, I even gave him transport fare after each prayer session. 

    Reluctantly, I sent my account number to prevent him from blowing up my phone. When I saw the alert, I screamed out and shouted Jesus!

    This person who was having challenges at one point sent me ₦150,000 as appreciation. I still couldn’t believe it even when I called to thank him later in the day.  

    Although the day is ending now, I’m still excited about how much of a good day I’ve had. I hope the rest of my week is also filled with unexpected good tidings. 

    THURSDAY:

    I don’t go back to sleep when I wake up today. In fact, I wake up at 6 a.m., have a bath and leave my house by 6:30 a.m.

    Today is different because I’m going to Idumota market to buy goods for my shop. It takes roughly two to four hours, without traffic, to make the journey from my house at Iyana Ipaja to Idumota. 

    With traffic, I might as well sleep on the road. Out of the many options available to me, I prefer entering a straight danfo from the park to my house. Although it’s more expensive, it’s the most convenient. The other options drop me way off from my intended destination and usually involve trekking. Me, I no dey for Israelite journey. 

    At the market today, I received a shock. The goods I last bought from the market at ₦1,800 and sold at ₦2,500 are now being sold for ₦2,500 in the market. This means that I didn’t make a profit from the last batch of goods I sold. I have no option but to still buy a new batch like that. 

    It seems that nowadays, it takes the grace of God for businesses in Nigeria to thrive. Although I feel a little pessimistic, I’m deciding to trust in God’s plan for me. 

    I’m tired and overspent both physically and financially, but I’m grateful when I finally buy the last item on my list. The next stop is home sweet home. 

    FRIDAY:

    People always ask how I deal with the expectations that come with being a pastor. I tell them that as long as I honour God, respect the doctrine of my church and remain a good ambassador of the religion, I’m fine. These requirements don’t stop me in any way from being myself. 

    I’m not afraid of any man as long as I know that my behaviour is in line with God’s teaching. 

    Let me tell you something, I’m a minister of enjoyment. On days when I decide not to go to church or attend to customers or my congregation, I’ll run to Godly parties where I can enjoy myself. 

    Today is one of those days. For a few hours today, I’m closing my business and pastor life to attend a friend’s 50th birthday party. I’ve been looking forward to this party because my friend promised me that the DJ will play old school classics. Personally, I’m looking forward to screaming “Last night, I dreamt of San Pedro,” followed by  “Hello, is it me you’re looking for.”

    Whether it’s prayer, business or advising people, my guiding philosophy in life is that whatever I lay my hand on shall prosper, even if it’s enjoyment. Whatever I do, I must do it well and enjoy it. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • A Week In The Life: 10 Of The Most-Read Stories Of 2021

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    2021 was a long year. I know it and you definitely know it. I wrote my first “A Week In The Life” story of 2021 on the 5th of January. It was about an interstate driver who had a girlfriend in almost every Nigerian state he visited. This awe-inspiring, mind-boggling, larger-than-life, yet commonplace story would set the tone for some of the episodes in the series.

    As the year comes to a close, and with over 36 stories under the “A Week In The Life” flagship, I’ve picked 10 of the most-read stories from the series. These stories were picked based on the number of page views they had, the conversations they sparked and the general audience reaction to them.

    Whether you started reading this series last year, this year, or even last week, here are some stories that our audience definitely enjoyed reading and sharing.

    Dive in:

    1) When I’m In Front Of A Camera, I Feel Like Wizkid Or Davido — A Week In The Life Of A Pornstar

    Forget everything you know because this story will challenge it. After failing to get into Nollywood, Juliet, the subject of this story decided to go into acting porn. She talks about the stigma involved in her job, not being ashamed to show her face in her videos and how powerful she feels in front of a camera.

    According to Juliet, “During video shoots, I tell my men that it’s acting we’re acting so they shouldn’t get carried away thinking it’s their girlfriend they’re fucking. I also make it clear that they must not cum in me —  they can cum on my laps, face, tummy but not inside me.”

    Read more here.

    2) Manager By Day, Sugar Baby At Night: A Week In The Life

    The subject of this story has gone from swearing not to sleep with married men to not refusing their advances.

    The result? A lot of gifts and houses. Why did she suddenly change her mind and go down the sugar baby route?

    Manager By Day, Sugar Baby At Night: A Week In The Life | Zikoko!

    Click here to read her origin story.

    3) A Week In The Life Of An Unpaid Full-Time House Wife

    What’s it like being an unpaid full housewife? It’s a lot of thankless hard work, unnecessary suffering and acceptance in the grand scheme of things.

    A Week In The Life Of An Unpaid Full-Time House Wife | Zikoko!

    The heaviness in this story still haunts me today. See why here.

    4) My Life Ended When I started NYSC” — A Week In The Life Of A Tired Youth Corps Member

    If you’ve done NYSC, this story will make you angry, sad, and confused. Why? Because the suffering is relatable and pointless. For this episode, a youth corps member without a place of primary assignment talks about the bleakness of her days, being frustrated by the NYSC scheme and the ways she sparks joy in her life.

    A Week In The Life | Zikoko!

    Continue here.

    5) Nigerians Call Strippers So Many Dirty Names — A Week In The Life Of A Stripper

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is Debbie, a stripper. She tells us about how stripping changed her life, why she wants the Nigerian police to do better, and how she plans to fund her dreams of living an expensive life. 

    Nigerians Call Strippers So Many Dirty Names — A Week In The Life Of A  Stripper | Zikoko!

    Read here.

    6) I Feel Like I’m Juggling Two Identities — A Week In The Life Of A Dominatrix

    Fair warning: This story has everything from drugs to sex to everything your Nigerian parents warned you about. However, if you want to get lost in a story, you should settle down and read this. Definitely worth your time.

    domme | Zikoko!

    Read more

    7) I Almost Lost A Knee Cap — A Week In The Life Of A Drug Dealer

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a drug dealer. He talks to us about his process for baking edibles, how he almost lost a knee cap, and his plans to set up a cartel if his japa plans fail. 

    I Almost Lost A Knee Cap — A Week In The Life Of A Drug Dealer | Zikoko!

    Satisfy your curiosity here.

    8) For 2 Years I Didn’t Win A Single Bet — A Week In The Life Of A Gambler

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a writer and gambler. He talks about how earning in dollars makes gambling in Naira bearable, selling his properties to offset gambling bills and the adrenaline rush betting gives him. 

    For 2 Years I Didn't Win A Single Bet — A Week In The Life Of A Gambler |  Zikoko!

    Dive in.

    9)  A Week In The Life: The Interstate Driver With Girlfriends In Many States

    To be honest, I’m even changing. I’m not bad like that. If I count my girlfriends, I have only five consistent ones. I’ve removed the inconsistent ones from my list because no time. I’m also thankful that God take libido bless me to be able to keep everyone satisfied. It’s grace. I be pure Igbo guy, I strong die.

    This long-distance driver has gone from having a girlfriend in almost every state in the country to having “just” 5. Why does he do it? What’s his motivation? and is he not scared of the risks involved?

    A Week In The Life: The Interstate Driver With Girlfriends In Many States |  Zikoko!

    Click here to find out.

    10) “Remember You Left Home To Feed Home” — A Week In The Life Of A Bus Driver

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is Jimoh Adamu, a 27-year-old bus driver. Jimoh tells us about the inspiration behind the famous quotes on his bus, how the Lagos state Keke ban set him back, and his quest for a better life.

    Remember You Left Home To Feed Home” — A Week In The Life Of A Bus Driver |  Zikoko!

    Finish up here.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • A Week In The Life: 10 Must-Read Stories Of 2021

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    2021 was a long year. I know it and you definitely know it. I wrote my first “A Week In The Life” story of 2021 on the 5th of January. It was about an interstate driver who had a girlfriend in almost every Nigerian state he visited. This awe-inspiring, mind-boggling, larger-than-life, yet commonplace story would set the tone for some of the episodes in the series.

    As the year comes to a close, and with over 36 stories under the “A Week In The Life” flagship, I’ve picked 10 of the absolute must-read stories in this series. These stories were picked based on their ability to inspire awe, make you pause and think, or simply to make you appreciate the mundane.

    Whether you started reading this series last year, this year, or even last week, here are some stories that deserve to be read twice:

    1) A Week In The Life Of An Orisa Priestess Trying To Guide People To Their Destiny

    As someone who has had struggles with faith, I found the conversation with an Orisa priestess fascinating. Not only was it eye-opening learning firsthand about Yoruba religion, but I also got to hear her talk about destiny, spiritual bodies and how Orisa priests/priestesses guide people on the right path.

    The part of the conversation that sticks is where she says the work is a passion and not a job. I’d pay good money for her to teach me how to have that approach to work.

    Satisfy your curiosity here.

    2) One Bumpy Semester Made Him Drop Out Of School, Now He’s A Cattle Seller — A Week In The Life

    This story makes me angry because it gives you a front-row seat to the failures of the Nigerian education system. It chronicles how the Nigerian approach to mistakes is always costly.

    But the most inspiring thing from this story is that despite all the challenges, the subject still has faith in better days ahead. How? why?

    Read here to find out.

    3) I Can Spot Fake Watches Just By Looking At Them — A Day In The Life Of A Watch Repairer

    When I think of quiet dignity, I think of horologists or watch repairers as they are popularly called. With almost 10 years of experience fixing watches, I enjoyed geeking out and asking the horologist about everything watch-related.

    PS: I may have enjoyed watching him work a bit too much.

    Read here.

    4) The Cupping Therapist Who Believes In Modern Medicine: A Week In The Life

    I’m sure you’re asking yourself what cupping means? and no, it’s not that type of cupping you perv.

    Cupping is a form of alternative medicine practice that involves making painless cuts on the skin to remove toxins and our subject talks about the health benefits of cupping, why she enjoys her job and how she makes alternative and modern medicine work for her. 

    While writing this story I couldn’t help but make this joke: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but cupping excites me.” I’m sorry. Read more here if you’re interested in learning about this fascinating job.

    5) I work Two Jobs But It Feels Like I’m Not Working — A Day In The Life Of A Forklift Operator

    I like this story a lot because it gives an overview of an easily overlooked job that plays a crucial part in all of our supply chain processes. For context, forklifts are used in lifting everything from beverages to food to medicines.

    How do you become a forklift operator and why does someone choose to become one?

    Read here.

    6) “We’re All One Sickness Away From Poverty” — A Week In The Life Of A Caregiver

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a medical practitioner who has been taking care of a sick parent since last year August. He tells us about the frustrations of the healthcare system, the mind-blowing financial costs and the emotional tolls an illness exerts on a person.

    Catch up here.

    7)  I Don’t Have Any Human Friend —A Week In The Life Of A Zookeeper

    As a zookeeper, you spend more time with animals than with humans. What happens when your job becomes your life? Well, if you’re like Mr. Emeka, the subject of this story, it means you have no human friends.

    How must that feel? Start here to experience what it feels like.

    8) When I’m In Front Of A Camera, I Feel Like Wizkid Or Davido — A Week In The Life Of A Pornstar

    Forget everything you know because this story will challenge it. After failing to get into Nollywood, Juliet, the subject of this story decided to go into acting porn. She talks about the stigma involved in her job, not being ashamed to show her face in her videos and how powerful she feels in front of a camera.

    According to Juliet, “During video shoots, I tell my men that it’s acting we’re acting so they shouldn’t get carried away thinking it’s their girlfriend they’re fucking. I also make it clear that they must not cum in me —  they can cum on my laps, face, tummy but not inside me.”


    Read more here.

    9) A Week In The Life: The Alaga Iyawo Who Dislikes Parties

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is an Alaga Iyawo. These are women who host Yoruba wedding ceremonies, sing songs of praises, double as MC’s and serve a host of other functions. She talks to us about not liking parties even though her job revolves around them, the challenges she faces in day-to-day life, and what a perfect retirement looks like for her.

    If you enjoy parties then you’ll enjoy this story.

    10) I’m The Only Woman At My Job — A Week In The Life Of An Oil and Gas Engineer At Sea

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a process engineer at an oil-producing facility. Process engineers ensure that the process of crude oil production from collection to processing for sale runs smoothly. What this means is that they spend a lot of their time solving problems or preventing problems from happening.

    Our subject tells us about being the only woman at her job, life at sea, and what it takes to extract crude oil.

    If you must read anything today let it be this story.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • “I’m Currently Living In Dark Times” — A Week In The Life Of An Ex-NGO Worker In Between Jobs

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” used to work at an NGO until 5 months ago when his contract expired. While waiting for renewal, he tells us about struggling to adjust to a new reality, missing his old job, and how much life can change in less than a year.

    MONDAY:

    The first thought on my mind when I wake up this morning is that I miss my old life. I miss being a contract staff for an NGO partnering with the World Bank to change the fortunes of underserved communities in North Central states. I miss the money that came with the job and the sense of fulfilment after each project. I miss my colleagues and most importantly, I miss the identity that came with working for an NGO, especially when visiting communities. 

    After spending 10 minutes reminiscing, I pull myself up and prepare to face the day. The first thing I do is have a bath, followed by prayers and then I eat. While dressing up, I hear my wife in the other room preparing the kids for school. I now work as an Uber driver. On most days I leave the house before my kids are awake and I get home when they’re asleep. 

    But today is different. Unlike big cities such as Lagos, Portharcourt or Abuja, Mondays are a slow day in my city. Instead of leaving the house around 7:00 a.m., I decide to stay in a bit later today. I plan to use this “extra” time to take my kids to school and spend time bonding with them. After dropping them off, and armed with the mental picture of their innocent smiles, I intend to squarely face my day. 

    TUESDAY:

    It’s 4:00 p.m. and I’ve only completed three trips today. One trip was ₦300, another one ₦500 and the last one was ₦500. ₦1,300 is all I have to show after leaving my house as early as 7:00 a.m. today. 

    This is not right. 

    I regret ever thinking that being an Uber driver was a big man’s job. I was deceived by the idea that you’ll just sit in your car and drive around while earning cool cash. If anything, driving is tedious and leaves me using painkillers — which I never had to use at my old NGO job. 

    In my old life, I’d get to work by 8:00 a.m. and be back home by 5:00 p.m and still get paid handsomely for my time. Now, I mostly leave the house by 7:00 a.m., I get home by midnight and I barely make ₦3,000 at the end of the day. My only saving grace is that I’m the owner of the car. I could actually die if I had to pay some car owner out of this ₦3,000. 

    Before I can continue with my train of thought, my driver app notifies me of a new passenger request. On arriving at the pickup point, the passenger turns out to be a colleague from my “real” job and so we exchange warm hugs and knowing sighs.

    During the trip, I can’t help but tell my colleague about the time we went to fix transformers in some community in Kwara state. According to the villagers, the spot we chose to install the transformer was a meeting point for their witches and wizards. And passing light to the village, through that spot, meant that their witches and wizards could no longer have meetings. Naturally, we laughed it off. But it wasn’t funny when the transformer caught fire three weeks later. We replaced it. But the replacement also got burnt again. It wasn’t until after the third replacement before we finally agreed to move the transformer so we could co-exist with their witches and wizards in peace. 

    My colleague’s trip ends before I get the chance to dive into more stories. As we part ways; him to his house and me to my next trip, I can’t help but feel happy-sad. Happy that I got to relive the good old days and sad because of my current situation. 

    Regardless, the trip has been the highlight of a frustrating day. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    I’m having another slow day and I’m now dreading going back home. Since I got a salary cut, my wife has been completely understanding and supportive, however, I’ve been uncomfortable. First came the cuts on household luxuries — goodbye DSTV Explora, goodbye excess generator use. Next, came the cut on the snacks for the kids; bye-bye ice cream and hello gala, and that’s on good days. Now, I’ve cut down money for food for the house from ₦50,000 to ₦20,000 — and it’s a struggle to meet this figure monthly. 

    When I took the NGO job 5 years and 8 months ago, I was told it was a contract job open to renewal every 4 years. What I didn’t know was how long it takes between each renewal cycle. Our contract expired 5 months ago and my colleagues and I have been waiting for renewal ever since. In that time, I’ve gone into panic mode seeing my savings go from healthy to sickly and that’s why I picked up the Uber job. Junior colleagues who weren’t so lucky to own a car had to resort to various menial jobs. 

    But the truth is that we’re all suffering, regardless of whatever each person is doing to survive. 

    I have gone from someone who didn’t think too much about money to calculating every naira that goes in and out of my account. I’ve gone from sending my parents money to going to their house to pick up rice, yam and garri for my house. I’m not ashamed to lean on my parents for help but for someone who has tasted life, I’m currently living in dark times. 

    THURSDAY:

    Today, I’ve decided to stop fixating on the past and instead concentrate on the present. I am an Uber driver and not an ex-NGO worker. As long as I keep looking back, I won’t be able to do what’s in front of me well because I’ll always be seeing the job as a means to an end. 

    Yes, the job is tedious, annoying, frustrating, but it’s what feeds me for now. And I must treat it as such. 

    However, it’s not easy maintaining this resolution because I keep wondering about the plans I have for when my contract gets renewed. First, I’ll save up ₦2M to buy a Federal Government job as a safety net for when the next contract expires; it’s not glorious work but that’s my buffer during the next renewal period. Next, I’ll start looking for other sources to diversify my income. 

    In my head, I can’t help but think that the best thing to do is to take the Uber job seriously for now while still waiting for the contract renewal. After all, I can’t afford not to because of all the bills — NEPA, rent, school fees, gas — on the ground. 

    I haven’t thought about the future for now but an ideal “happy ever after” for me is one where my contract gets renewed or I meet a helper who removes me from this condition. 

    FRIDAY:

    Friday to Sunday are the peak days for us in this town because students will go out, workers will go clubbing and weddings will happen. So while everyone is doing TGIF, my own week is just truly beginning. These three days are half exciting and half tedious but they make me feel useful and occupy me so much that I don’t have time to think. 

    On my journey to work today, I listen to a sermon that talks about gratitude amid adversity. Following their advice, I list all the things I’m grateful for: 

    • I’m grateful for a supportive wife and family.
    • I’m grateful for caring parents who support me. 
    • I’m grateful for owning my car and not having to pay anyone money. 
    • Most importantly, I’m grateful for good health that hasn’t wiped my small savings.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • QUIZ: If You Score 10/15 On This December Quiz, You’ll Be Extremely Broke In January

    How will your December be? fun or calm? pick a few answers and we’ll predict how your December decisions will financially affect you in January:

    Select all the Detty December options that apply to you:

  • There Can Never Be Too Much Chess — A Week in the Life of a Chess Player

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” plays chess for a living. He tells us about navigating societal disregard for his chosen career, his persistence even in the face of dwindling funds and why chess has him in a chokehold. 

    MONDAY:

    It’s 8:00 a.m., and I’m just waking up — I was up late playing chess online with my friends. Because of my relatively flexible schedule, it’s not uncommon for me to play chess into the early hours of a new day. This is usually in addition to whatever real-life games I might have played during the day. There can never be too much chess. 

    I play chess for a living, so I start each day reviewing my strategies from previous games. I break an old game down to reveal the flaws and try to see if I could have done something better. Next, I exercise my brain muscle by reading books on chess strategy. A few hours in, when my stomach starts to demand food, it’s time for my first break of the day. After breakfast, I usually take a quick nap before scheduling matches with various opponents both online and offline. 

    However, today is different. I’m starting my day with meditation. In the last few games I played, I noticed that I was bombarded by distracting thoughts. And because chess is a high-pressure game, I’ve had to research various ways of calming myself. 

    I’m a little worried that meditation might not work but I’m confident that like chess, I can always review my process to see what I did wrong. Ultimately, I’m positive that I will find a solution. 

    TUESDAY:

    Considering that chess is half good and bad, I’m not doing too badly. But it depends on who you ask. To society, mostly the uninitiated, I’m wasting my time playing chess instead of getting a “real job.” 

    To the initiated who understand the pull of chess — the appeal that draws you in and blinds you to everything — I’m doing okay. These people understand the obsession when you, who think you’re intellectually superior, lose to an opponent and you want to avenge your pride. Only they understand the drive to go back to the drawing board when someone bests you. They’re familiar with the endless cycle of certain defeat that awaits all chess players, no matter how good they are. It’s only these same yet diverse strange entities that chess attracts that understand my struggle. 

    And that’s why the day I had was completely frustrating. A friend staying over at my house was worried about me staring at my chess board for almost 30 minutes. To put her mind at ease, I switched to playing a tournament online and she mistook this for idleness and started to show me funny WhatsApp statuses. I had to explain to her the importance of what I was doing and how much I could make from winning the tournament. Only then did she understand. In her head, she always wondered what I did for a living. I wonder how different things would have been if I was seated in front of a laptop receiving calls all day. 

    To worsen things, while talking to my mum and her friends today, someone asked what I did for a living. My mum hesitated and looked at me. I hesitated and looked at her. The entire incident was extremely awkward. 

    At that point, I decided to apply for a formal job, not because I needed one but to show my mum that I could get a job whenever I chose to. Maybe that would put her mind to rest and remove some of the awkwardness. 

    All that one is future planning. Now, the only thing on my mind is what to eat and when to sleep. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Today was a relatively good day. I woke up earlier than 8 a.m. and completed my routine one hour before my usual time. This left me with enough time to let my thoughts wander. I remembered how I started playing chess in secondary school and vividly remembered the big trophy I won that signalled the beginning of my obsession with chess. 

    I had flashbacks of the time spent in cyber cafes after secondary school playing chess online. I also didn’t forget getting my ass whooped in the first major in-person competition I played after multiple streaks of online winning. That experience reset me and made me always review my strategy after every game. 

    Like yesterday, I still remembered the look on my course adviser’s face when I asked for permission to play in the NUGA games. In his head, I’m sure he was like, “who has time to set another exam question for you?” Of course, he refused. 

    I’ll never forget applying some principles from chess — like introspection — 

     to my life during my NYSC year, seeing positive results and promising Caissa, the goddess of chess, that I’d play chess for two years to repay her for helping me improve my quality of life. 

    There’s no way I could ever forget going to Ghana with money for one leg of the trip, accommodation, and barely enough for food. I knew that I absolutely had to win something at the tournament or I’d trek back from Accra to Lagos. Thankfully, I came first in the tournament. The alternative would have been calling family members back in Nigeria. 

    It’s not a perfect life but through chess, I’ve seen amazing places, had amazing experiences and suffered amazing misfortunes. Not a bad deal I suppose. 

    THURSDAY:

    The 2020 pandemic affected many things in the world: from health safety measures to travel to relationships and finally, my earning potential. 

    My two-year promise to Cassia started at the end of 2018 and 2019 was fairly decent. I played in enough tournaments and won enough money to get by. Then, 2020 came with the pandemic and all the tournaments got cancelled and moved to 2022. This meant that my finances were thrown into a very dark place. 

    I suddenly went from being very generous with money to auditing every purchase. I also started considering alternative earning paths, like coding. 

    I have no regrets about playing chess professionally for a few years. I find comfort in the fact that I’m relatively smart so I can afford to take some risks. 

    Whenever I want to panic about my decision, I think to myself that when I was in my final year people used to brag about following Game of Thrones (GOT). But one day, I started watching GOT and binged it for two weeks and caught up with them. It’s a completely useless analogy but I feel that no matter how much wealth my mates amass now, I can always catch up whenever I’m ready to pursue money —  just like I did with the GOT series. 

    Today, my biggest headache is that I have only N3,000 left till I get more money from playing tournaments. I’m craving parfait which is N3,000 but I also realise that the same money can get me two whole fish, some pepper, and rice which I can cook and hold body for another one week. The right choice is glaring. 

    Playing chess professionally sometimes forces me into decisions like this but I don’t mind, for now. Even when I transition to do other things and explore other skills, I can never leave chess. It is always drawing me back and it’ll always be an important part of my life.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • “I Don’t Introduce Myself As A Zikoko Writer In Public” — A Week In The Life

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is an editor at Zikoko. They walk us through the best parts of the job, their least favourite parts and why they don’t announce in public that they write for Zikoko.

    MONDAY:

    Work starts for me at 9 a.m. every day, but I wake up late today. The first thing on my mind as I roll out of bed at 9:20 a.m. is, “What will I eat this morning?” The next thing is, “I have to type my tasks for the day on the company’s Slack channel.”

    Monday mornings can be a lot. I start my day by compiling a report of the articles I wrote the previous week: how many articles I wrote, how they performed and the challenges I faced. By the time I’m done with the report, it’s time for our weekly check-in meetings at noon, which I join virtually. During the meeting, I’m simultaneously microwaving “breakfast” while telling my colleagues about what tasks I did the week before. At some point, I mute my microphone to bless God for how delicious the food I’m eating is. It takes the voice of my managing editor asking me a question to shake me out of my food trance before I’m back to reality. 

    After the meeting ends at 1:30 p.m., I’m back in control of my day. Now, I have to write a listicle, schedule and write an interview for my mid-week flagship, send it to my editor for corrections, and still think actively about what to eat at night. No big deal — just another Monday morning in the life of an unreluctant adult. 

    TUESDAY:

    I love my job, I really do. I enjoy writing things that make people laugh, pause and think about their lives. Sometimes, I aim to make people shake their heads at the silliness of an article or hiss. Ultimately, I try to at least get some reaction from the readers and also make the reading experience enjoyable for them. But the work also comes with its challenges. 

    I had to move the interview I scheduled yesterday two times during the day. When we finally had the conversation, I literally had to beg the person to talk freely. I left that interview at midnight, thinking that after all the stress I got nothing tangible. 

    Other days, I’m so stumped and I can’t be funny or cool or relatable. I can’t write anymore but I encourage myself to show up because it’s work and the show must go on. 

    Sometimes, a story takes longer than you expect to be ready due to various reasons, and you think it’s going to bang, but it doesn’t and you’re like: “Can you people just give me a chance? It’s funny and if you read it, you’ll like it.” Then there are articles you write that you don’t care about that end up sparking conversations and getting reshares, and you can’t wrap your head around it. 

    Another painful thing is having a story idea in your head, making calls for people to share their stories and people ignoring you. LMAO. 

    In the end, I enjoy overcoming these difficulties. I come to each draft completely clueless about what’s going to happen and by the time I’m done writing I’m positively surprised. Half of the job is working to create magic out of nothing. And when people are amazed, I’m also amazed at the output. 

    Finally, I’ve also learned to develop a thick skin from this job. Like today, a story I wrote did not do as well as I hoped. I just kept reminding myself that I am more than page clicks — if an article does good numbers I’ll be fine. If it doesn’t, I’ll also be fine.  

    WEDNESDAY:

    The first thing I do this morning is to share my flagship draft with my editor, then the wait begins. First drafts are always a humbling experience. I’m usually amazed at how a story transforms from 0 – 100. The initial draft versus the final one never looks the same. While this is not a bad thing, a downside is that people read these stories and sort of place you, the writer, on some pedestal. And this breeds expectation of you by others. 

    My first instinct when I meet someone new is to not introduce myself as a Zikoko writer — this is not because I don’t love Zikoko or anything but because once people know I work at Zikoko, the way they treat me is different. I am no longer a person; I’m suddenly an ideal to them. This comes with expectations that I have to sound like my articles or be funny on demand.  

    It’s better when people get to know me first and my work comes in later as an added bonus to why I’m interesting.  If work becomes the first point through which people interact with you, the whole interaction is defined by work and you go from being a person to being an ideal or a curiosity to be satisfied. 

    Another area I struggle with is in the fornication department. Sometimes I want to slide into someone’s DM that let’s be sleeping with each other, but I start to calculate and ask: What if they tweet about it? “A Zikoko writer entered my DM to sleep with me. Is this what Zikoko is breeding?” 

    Don’t bring my work into the fornication we want to do, please. It’s hilarious how people think that because I’m a writer, I’m bound to write on Zikoko if the sex was trash or not. Ọmọ, me sef I don’t have experience. If the sex was trash, I’d be too ashamed to write about it. 

    Last week, I told someone I was making plans with that I was a writer and they ghosted me. I wanted to find them and tell them I’m a fucking liar living a fake life, so there was nothing to be afraid of.  If the tables turned today and the person came to work at Zikoko, they too would become a writer. Then maybe they would see that I’m a human being just like them. 

    THURSDAY:

    I’m up early today for two reasons: first, to apply the edits to my flagship my editor made. Next, to brainstorm ideas for my daily article. I noticed that since I moved from consuming to creating, stories have lost some of the appeal they used to have for me. Creating takes away some of the magic because of the amount of structure that goes into making things “fun” on the consumer side of things: from ideation to interviewing people to the numerous edits. 

    Once I’m done applying the edits, my plan for today is simple: rediscover and engage the Zikoko website as a consumer and read as many things as possible. After all, a happy me is a happy Zikoko writer and this, in turn, leads to more fun content for the consumers. To me, this sounds like a win-win.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • “Why Won’t We Speed All The Time?” — A Week In The Life Of An Okada Man

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    Riding an okada for a living in Lagos is almost like being in a badly written movie. With villains like agberos, taskforce and police, on the road, any day without an incident is nothing short of a miracle. Have you ever wondered what makes a person ride okada for a living? And why okada riders are always in a hurry? Today’s “A Week In The Life” shows just why.

    MONDAY:

    My alarm wakes me up by 5:30 a.m. The first thing I do after standing up is to perform ablution. Next, I take a five-minute walk to the mosque. At the mosque, in between sermons, and just before solat, I find myself battling with sleep. It takes all my power to not fall asleep. Thankfully, as I start to lose the battle, the imam starts the prayer. 

    We’re done around 6:05 a.m., and I return home. “Home” is a compound where 27 other people and I, mostly non-Lagosians, pay money to sleep in every night. ₦200 per night for a human being and ₦200 per night for our okadas. What benefits do we get? A small room with no windows and a bathroom without running water.

    So, when I get back from the mosque — every morning — I have to ride my bike to the nearest public tap three streets away to have my bath along with my okada brothers. At around 6:35 a.m., I go back home to dress up, and I’m ready to hit the road by 6:50 a.m.

    Before I even make any money, I’m already behind by ₦1,400 every day.  First, I buy a ticket from the agberos for N700. This is minus the ₦50 here and there that I have to pay agberos at every junction in my vicinity, which cost around another ₦700 in total. This is minus the ₦1,200 that I deliver to the owner of the okada at the end of each day. 

    So, you have ₦1,400 + ₦1,200 + ₦200 to sleep + ₦200 to park my bike = ₦3,000 before my day even starts — I haven’t even factored in money for fuel or food during the day. 

    The worst parts? There are more okada riders than people willing to pay for okada. Also, I can’t work late into the night. Once it’s 6:30/7:00 p.m., I have to close for the day because if police catch me, my money na ₦11,000. If Lagos Taskforce catch me, my money na ₦22,000. 

    After doing calculations, you realise that ₦4,000 – ₦5,000 is the most an okada rider can make in a day. So, tell me: why won’t okada riders speed all time? 

    Anyway, it is well though. The main thing now is that work has started and for the next 12 hours I have to out-earn my expenses. I’m hoping for nothing short of miracles.  

    TUESDAY:

    Walahi, today I didn’t make any money for myself. Na only ₦2,550 I don make all day before Task Force came to arrest our okadas. If you see the way we ran for our lives. Me that I collected okada from someone, how will I explain if they seize it? 

    It’s so annoying because there are some people who disguise themselves like Task Force to steal our bikes. Then, they’ll now go and resell it at a cheaper price. So, we also have to be on the lookout for those ones too. Sometimes, because you’re not sure who is who, you’ll end up dragging with the real Task Force who will beat you like a thief because they think you’re dragging power with them. Just last year, this thing still happened to my brother. They beat him, collected his bike and we still had to pay to bail him. 

    But walahi, the woman who gave him the okada is so nice. She told him not to worry and even bought him a smaller bike to be using while repaying her small small for the old bike. Alhamdulilah because he just finished paying her last month. 

    Me, I don’t want that to ever happen to me, and that’s why I’m going home after running from Task Force. By the time I remove ₦1,200 for the bike owner, ₦400 for sleeping and parking, ₦500 for fuel, I have only ₦450 left. And I still have to buy a ₦700 ticket tomorrow morning because agbero won’t hear any story. 

    When I get home, my plan is to go around begging my other brothers for money. ₦200 or ₦300 here and there can help with food this night and a ticket tomorrow. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    I have noticed that sometimes when I’m riding okada, my mind is not there. In this job, you’re constantly thinking about tomorrow because even if you say Alhamdullilah today, you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Most times, there’s no hope for tomorrow.  

    I can’t help thinking about my past. I came from Mokwa town — in Niger state — to hustle in Lagos because my helper died. Before before, I used to do business. One Igbo man in Lagos used to send me money to help him buy rice, beans, corn, in large quantities from Mokwa and send down to him. My profit on each bag was like ₦200/₦300 and I would get around ₦50,000 from each deal. On top of that, the man still dashed me money at intervals, so I was okay. It was out of this money I used to marry and rent a house in Niger state. 

    Everything was going sweet until I got a call one day that my business partner was dead. How? Road accident. His business and family went just like that. I didn’t even know how to respond because I was sad about his death but also worried about my future after his death. It’s funny that it wasn’t until I started feeling the effect of not doing that business again that I even remembered that my business partner was owing me ₦166,000 before his death. 

    It has been more than one year since the accident happened. Except on days when I’m thinking about my life, I don’t like to think about him because remembering my old life is painful. Nevertheless, I still carry around the biggest reminder from that era — the Android phone my business partner bought for me when the going was still good. 

    Last last, this life just get as e be. 

    THURSDAY:

    The only thing that’s keeping me going today is the thought of the sleep I’ll sleep on Sunday because I’m so tired. Because I’m not the owner of the bike, I’m always working come rain or sunshine. The only off day I get is on Sunday and that’s because the owner, who’s Christian, told me who’s Muslim, not to ride the bike on Sunday. I was initially not happy with her decision and now, I look forward to resting on Sunday. 

    The work is not easy at all, but at least you make something however small. I remember 10 years ago where bike men could make as much as ₦5,000 – ₦6,000 in a day. That time tickets were still ₦200 and a lot of Northern people hadn’t migrated to Lagos. At the end of each working day, after removing every other person’s money, bike riders were guaranteed at least ₦2,500 profit. This used to be money then. 

    My only saving grace money-wise is the contribution I make with my brothers. Every day, 10 of us contribute ₦1,000 into a pot, and at the end of five days someone takes the bulk money. On and on we go until we go round and then go again. It’s part of this money that I send to my people at home to use to hold body small. 

    After leaving my home in search of greener pastures, I refuse to believe that this is it. I’m just 31 or 32 years old, but why do I feel so hopeless? 

    I don’t know how but I must find the strength and hope to see Friday and Saturday through. The job is not the greatest, but at least it’s an honest way to earn a living. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • I Keep My Egg Donation Hustle A Secret — A Week In The Life Of An Egg Donor

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is an egg donor. For a fee, egg donors donate their eggs to couples who are struggling to conceive a baby. Today, our subject takes us through three days in her life before she goes in for her egg donation duties the following week. 

    Here’s what her journey looks like: 

    FRIDAY:

    Next week is going to be the third time I’m donating my eggs and I don’t know what to expect. I’m not scared or worried, it’s just that each donation episode is different. The first time I donated eggs, I could only take pepper soup for the first three days after I was done. The next time, I survived on Cameroon pepper mixed with warm water for two days. In both cases, it wasn’t until after the third day that I started eating solid food. 

    On Monday, I had better not encounter any surprises. But that’s a worry for next week because there are problems today that demand my attention. 

    I stood up from bed this morning with one question on my mind: “Where do I tell my parents I’m going to so I can leave *Delta to Lagos (where the egg retrieval clinic is)?” In the past, I told them I was going for job interviews but I’m sure they’ll soon start getting suspicious. It’s not like I can exactly tell them that I’m going to donate eggs because it can result in a fight. The last person I told that I donated eggs (for cash) used it against me in a fight. According to her, “at least she’s better than me because she’s not selling her eggs.” 

    So, since then, this egg donation business is strictly on a need to know basis. 

    Sometimes I sit down to ask myself why some Nigerians look down on donating eggs. I’m shocked because I thought we were all facing challenges and money problems. To me, I see this whole process as something wey person fit chop from and gain experience at the end of the day. I was introduced to this hustle because I needed quick cash and it’s perfect for me because I’m not the type of girl who’s comfortable collecting stuff from men. 

    Anytime I need money outside my 9-5, I just tell myself that the egg donation process takes only three weeks and I psych myself up for it. It’s not a perfect system but it works and so we move. 

    SATURDAY:

    I woke up really early today to clean the house and complete all my chores. I don’t want a situation where my parents will hold anything against me and prevent my trip from happening. Not that I’ll hear, “you haven’t done x or y but you want to travel.” No ma/sir, I’ve done my work oh. 

    I don’t want any excuses pls.

    I have to travel to Lagos because each hospital has its own rules. Some hospitals will tell you to first come for blood test screening before anything can commence. Other hospitals may first start you on hormonal pills for two to three weeks, depending on your body system, before they run the tests. 

    After this point, it’s time for injections. Some clinics don’t like stories because injections are expensive so they’ll give you transport money to come for daily injections for a few weeks. But, some clinics believe that you’re mature enough to choose a particular time that works for you to self inject at home.  Last last, if you know say you need money, you go heed to their rules and regulations. Moreover, everyone signs an undertaking so you have to be serious about following the rules and regulations. 

    Apart from the occasional pain of injecting myself close to my pubic region, I don’t experience a lot of side effects. Sometimes the injections make me feel chubby or bloated but that’s the highest side effect I’ve ever experienced. 

    After you’ve taken pills, injections, and done scans for three weeks, you now have to face the main challenge: the egg retrieval process.  Think of the aftermath as having really nasty menstrual cramp pains where you can’t function. You can’t walk and you can’t talk; all you can do is rest. 

    The pain makes sense because the procedure wan resemble when person dey abort pikin — the doctor will give you sleeping injection and then put a long needle inside of you to retrieve eggs. Even though plenty of girls dey fear, the procedure is relatively safe and doesn’t even affect your chances of giving birth in the future. But e no even concern me. After one incident happened to me, I don resolve my mind say whether I marry, born pikin, no born pikin, I’m okay with it. 

    For me, as long as I’m living life on my terms and not begging anyone for money, I’m fine with any outcome. 

    SUNDAY:

    Today is shaping up to be a relatively good day. My parents have agreed to my “reason” for going to Lagos and I’ve finished packing. Now, I’m thinking of the next story I’ll give them when I need to go back to Lagos for donation. 

    Ideally, you should only donate eggs every six months so that your body can rest. But, as everywhere tight and girls need money, I dey run am every 3 months. I know some babes who donate six times a year, and that’s like every two months. 

    Clinics pay ₦100,000 – ₦120,000 for first-time donors. And by your second donation, this amount goes up by ₦20,000 – ₦30,000. The only caveat is that you must produce six eggs completely before you get full payment. If not, you’ll get only half of your payment. But that rarely happens. After all, you’d have been going for scans and weekly checkups to monitor your progress. 

    I can’t even lie, it’s that money that keeps me going in this job. The first time I got paid, I bought a new phone. The second time, I saved the money. This time, I’m using the money to move out of my parents’ house. 

    Being an egg donor is something I see myself doing for as long as possible. The procedure is relatively safe and I like the turnover time for making the money. As long as I keep going to reputable clinics and following the instructions of health professionals, I’ll be fine. And even if I’m not, I’ll still be fine. At the end of the day, I want to be catching flights and not feelings — and this job provides funds for some part of that lifestyle. 


    Editor’s note: Not all egg donors have it good. Here’s a report by Al-Jazeera on the other side of the egg donation divide. 

    RECOMMEND: What Do These 7 Nigerians Think About Donating Their Organs?

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • One Bumpy Semester Made Him Drop Out Of School, Now He’s A Cattle Seller — A Week In The Life

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” has been unlucky. One bad decision in conjunction with a faulty educational system took him from studying a professional degree to selling cattle. Now, he’s trusting God and waiting for his big break. 

    MONDAY:

    I’m awake before my alarm rings. I unlock my phone to check the time and it reads 3:25 a.m. — this means I’m up early by five minutes. Every day, for the past six weeks, I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night for tahajjud prayers. 

    I roll out of bed, perform ablution and drop on my praying mat. It’s a little bit past 4 a.m. when I’m done praying so I go back to sleep. The next time I open my eyes, it’s 5:30 a.m. and I’m just in time for morning prayers. Although standing up requires a little effort, I manage it.  From this point, my day starts in full swing. 

    I say my prayer, have a bath, wash plates from the night before and cook breakfast. By 7:00 a.m., I’m out of my house and on a bike to the market where I sell livestock for a living. The first thing I do when I get to the market is survey prospective animals for sale. Because I do not [yet] own any cattle; I start my day by convincing people to let me handle the sale of theirs. After negotiations, we usually settle on a cost price, after which I’m free to add my own markup. Sometimes, if a cow costs ₦250,000, I can sell it for ₦255,000 or ₦260,000. The final price depends on the bargaining power of the customer. For expert customers, I usually end up selling at the cost price so the owner doesn’t make a loss. In scenarios like this, my commission ranges between ₦1,000 – ₦2,000. At all at all na him bad pass. 

    Mondays are typically slow. All the parties have happened over the weekend and there aren’t any more till the next weekend. So, after surveying prospective animals, I spend my Mondays feeding and cleaning them up to look healthy for sale during the week.  I also stock up on support items like ropes, feed, etc so I can at least have something to sell and show for my efforts at the close of the day. 

    My plan for today is simple: make at least ₦1,000 to cover food and transportation back home. 

    TUESDAY:

    Cows are very wicked. And that’s why I always carry my cane anytime I’m feeding or cleaning them. For any cow that is proving stubborn, I use my bulala to reset its head. Yet,  these animals can be sneaky. One time when I wasn’t looking, a cow hit me on my chest with its horn. The blow packed enough force to make me sore for a few days but not enough force to make me bleed. After that incident, I became extra careful around the animals. 

    Truthfully, not all cows are wicked. Some are gentle, easy-going and even allow you to touch them. Currently, I have one cow that fits that bill. Although it has been paid for, I’ve been taking care of it for a month. It’s such an easy-going animal that I sometimes wish it were mine. 

    But it’s not and I’m just a caretaker. I can’t wait until I start going to the North to buy my own cattle. Until then, I’m going to be spending my days, like today, cleaning, feeding and caring for the animals. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Sometimes when I compare how much I make on average versus my expenses, I ask myself what I’m doing here. My average daily commission falls somewhere around ₦1,000 – ₦2,000. Bike to and from my house costs ₦400. Food that can sustain me for the kind of work I do costs me around the same: bread and beans costs ₦300 while fufu or eba costs ₦400. Whatever is left goes into my kolo for the rainy days. Sometimes, in a week, all I make is transport money with nothing to save. 

    For me, this reality is twice as painful because I used to be in the university until I dropped out in my final year. Most times, I find myself thinking that with my level of exposure I should be in a better place. But Allah knows best. 

    This afternoon, after some older men sent me to buy recharge cards and Amala, I found myself thinking about my life.  

    It started with a carryover in 200 level, although the repercussions only surfaced in my final year. In my department, one of the requirements to be eligible for final professional exams was having zero carryovers. However, because of a mixture of my negligence and horrible record keeping, I wasn’t aware that I had failed a course. At least, not until when I was prevented from registering for final year. I was asked to retake the course I had failed and that meant an automatic extra year. 

    Then I made a bad decision. 

    Because I was very active in school, and because of the shame and stigma I associated with having an extra year, I dropped out. 

    I got a job at a restaurant, continued to lie at home, and allowed one year to pass me by. By the time my parents found out what had happened, the school had removed me from their system. I begged, wrote letters, and even lobbied, but I was told I couldn’t be reabsorbed into the system. Even though I was on a good academic standing, I was kicked out for not deferring the admission and just ghosting. While I take full responsibility for my actions, I wish I had someone to tell me that a carryover wasn’t the end of the world. 

    Because I did not and I lived with the stigma of failure alone, I made the wrong decision. Now, all I’m left with is menial jobs and no professional degree. 

    I’ve accepted my fate and the part I played in making it so. But on days like this, my regrets are fresh again. My only consolation is that I believe that not everyone is destined to work a white-collar job. Perhaps this is my destiny and I should bear it with more humility. Whenever I wake up to pray at night, the one thing I ask God is that the things I’ve lost should not be greater than what I’m going to achieve in the future. 

    THURSDAY:

    I try as much as possible to fast on Thursday to cut down the cost of feeding. Additionally, I also use the day to reflect and be grateful for my life so far. Although I’ve lost a lot, there’s still a lot to be grateful for. 

    Today, I’m especially grateful for a good support system; my parents and siblings, and friends who have encouraged me. I haven’t been the best person or been in the best of places but they’ve been rock solid. 

    Sometimes, when I complain of the fact that I’m almost thirty with nothing to show for it, they encourage me to go further. Also, when necessary, they do not hesitate to tell me difficult truths. 

    For the first time in a long time, I’m starting to feel like my old self and starting to pick myself up. The first sign is that I’m feeling restless again. More than ever, I’m constantly thinking of ways to save up money to buy livestock from the North. Even if I buy just one cattle or sheep, I’ll know that it is mine. With the income I earn, I don’t know how I’ll do it but I’ll make it work one way or another. 

    It has to work because my plan of going back to school depends on it. I can not, in good conscience, ask my parents to fund my education again, especially after what happened the last time. My dad is a retiree and my mum has my four siblings to take care of. I have to sort myself out even though I don’t yet know how. 

    On some level, I understand that this is a trial, so I’m constantly praying to Allah for forgiveness and the strength to see this through. I also understand that it’s not the trial that matters but your attitude while undergoing said trial. 

    I don’t have the answers but I know that my life story will not be defined by my mistakes. Even if I don’t know how I’m going to achieve any of my dreams, I’m going to try. I want my life story to be a testament to the fact that you can be at your lowest point and still pull yourself out. I believe that there’s no limit to what you can achieve as a human being. 

    I may not have all the answers but I have God. And his presence alone is sufficient for me.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • I’m the Only Woman at My Job — A Week in the Life of An Oil and Gas Engineer at Sea

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a process engineer at an oil-producing facility. Process engineers ensure that the process of crude oil production from collection to processing for sale runs smoothly. What this means is that they spend a lot of their time solving problems or preventing problems from happening.

    Our subject tells us about being the only woman at her job, life at sea, and what it takes to extract crude oil.

    MONDAY:

    The time I wake up depends on whether I’m working from my house or I’m working offshore at sea. At home, my body wakes up by 7:30 a.m., but my brain starts by 8:00 a.m. 

    When I’m offshore, my day starts at 6:00 a.m. and doesn’t end until about 2 a.m.

    Today, the thing that wakes me up is the sound of my 5:30 a.m. alarm. I almost press snooze until I remember that I’m on a floating oil production facility at sea. I have just enough time to get out of bed, shower and prepare for my day. 

    It’s a few minutes till 6:00 a.m. when I leave my room for my first meeting of the day. Dressed in my coverall, safety goggles, hat, safety boots, and earmuffs, I slowly make my way to the meeting point. 

    The first meeting of the day is typically a handover shift. Because oil production is a 24-hour affair, personnel work 12-hour shifts. This means that every 12 hours, one shift is handed over to the other. At the 6:00 a.m. meetings, the technicians on the night shift inform their colleagues on the morning shift of whatever happened during the night. While the technicians get to work shifts, my job as an engineer requires me to work round the clock. 

    I listen attentively during these meetings because their updates determine the course of my day. If they raise an issue, my plans for the day take a backseat until I fix that issue. If there’s nothing to report, my day proceeds as planned. 

    Thankfully, the meeting ends at 6:15 a.m. That gives me time to relax before my 6:30 a.m. meeting. At this meeting, managers from the different teams on the platform gather to give updates about what happened the day before and also map out plans for the day. 

    The meeting ends at 7:15 a.m. with a reminder of safety precautions. This gives me some time to prepare my notes for the next meeting at 7:30 a.m. Here, I report to the higher-ups. As the engineering rep on board the facility, I summarise all the updates from the technical team and update my senior colleagues on our progress regarding oil production. 

    It’s 8:30 a.m. before I’m done with my final meeting for the day, and that’s when my day truly begins.  

    TUESDAY:

    It’s currently 2:00 a.m. and I’ve barely slept. I started yesterday with meetings, continued with reading safety reports, extended the day by inspecting oil pipes in my facilities, and ended it in my room responding to emails. 

    I find engineering super fascinating. It’s interesting that some people used some super cool technology to locate crude oil-producing rocks, mapped out an area and drilled for oil. Then, the drillers not only discovered oil, but they confirmed — using various methods — that the oil was present in commercial quantities. 

    So they made oil pipes, machines, and other cool equipment to extract the oil from 10,000 feet below the ground to the surface. But, because this oil isn’t exactly fit for use, they now extended pipes from the spot where the oil was discovered to production facilities like mine. 

    On the facility, there’s me, whose job it is to ensure that oil flows smoothly from where it is produced to production facilities where we process into a form fit for sale to refineries. Whew. 

    The cool part of the job is that I’m always solving problems. One valve spoils and because of that, a well isn’t producing oil? I’ll brainstorm, send an instrument technician to look at it and provide technical oversight. Some machine part is not doing what it’s supposed to do? I’ll think over it, share a repair plan and send a mechanical technician to fix it. Safety precautions not being met that can spell danger for us? I’ll get in front of it. My entire job is an exercise in firefighting and proactiveness. 

    The downside? The subtle pressure. Being in charge of the oil production process means I must be on top of everything. The facility I’m in charge of has a target to produce more than *60,000 barrels of oil a day. Crude oil is $85 per barrel. Do the maths and tell me what it adds up to.

    You don’t want to be the person who missed something that caused the company to lose 60,000 times $85 for every day the facility is down. But, no pressure. It wouldn’t be fun for me if it wasn’t this challenging and rewarding. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Life at sea is peculiar; the problems differ every day but the scenery remains the same. I’m surrounded by miles and miles of water with nothing else in sight. When I get stressed from work, I go out and stare at the water. Surrounded by water I feel very small and I’m reminded that not a lot of things matter. This helps to decompress and center me. 

    You already know how my days go, but today is different. 

    I have a difficult problem that I can’t quite crack: cravings. Because I’m at sea and I can’t quickly cross the road, I’m stuck with the nonsense feeling. Yesterday, I was craving puff puff. Today, I am craving waakye. I wonder what craving I will have tomorrow. The most annoying part is that when I’m on land the cravings won’t come, but immediately when I’m offshore, they’ll start to hit me. And I can’t do anything about it but endure until it passes. 

    The good thing is that there’s a lot of food, fruits and snacks in our offshore canteen. This is in addition to my own specially prepared offshore starter pack.

    Ebeano plantain chips: present ma.

    Chocolate Mcvities biscuits: present ma.

    Gestid for acid reflux: present ma. 

    Excess sanitary pads: present ma.

    Painkillers for cramps: present ma. 

    These are the things that make life a little bearable for me. At least, if I can’t eat waakye, I can eat plantain chips and manage myself. 

    THURSDAY:

    Everywhere I turn on this facility, someone is always shouting, “Our Engineer,” “Well-done, Engineer.” I suspect I get special treatment offshore for two reasons: The first is that I’m an engineer which is a highly respected role in the organization hierarchy. The second is because I’m the only woman in my facility. For various reasons such as family responsibilities, marriage pressures, etc women typically don’t go offshore. For this reason, the men are usually excited to see a woman among them. 

    The good part? The men are some of the funniest people I know. I guess humour is how they deal with being separated from their families for long stretches in a year. 

    The bad part? The people who don’t know me sometimes try to proposition me. Well, up until they find out who I am and then the conversation changes to that of deference and respect. 

    Today, I wake up thinking that one of the reasons this role works for me is because I’m single, I don’t have kids, and nothing ties me down to one place or city. For many other women, this is not the case. With children and family responsibilities, their priorities shift and this role with its demands no longer suit them. 

    I don’t know what will change if I decide to start a family someday. I love engineering because of how much there is to learn and discover, and the closest I come to practising it is when I’m offshore. The thought of giving it up if push comes to shove is something I have never considered. I wonder what choice I’ll make. 

    But that doesn’t matter now because I have a ton of inspection and oil pipe integrity testing to do today. A perk of this job is that you can get so immersed in monitoring day to day operations that your personal problems take a back seat. And to be honest, that works for me. At least, for now.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • “My Life Ended When I started NYSC” — A Week In The Life Of A Tired Youth Corps Member

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a youth corps member currently without a place of primary assignment. She talks about the bleakness of her days, being frustrated by the NYSC scheme and the ways she sparks joy in her life.

    NYSC

    MONDAY:

    I feel like my life ended when I started NYSC. First of all, I didn’t get mobilised with my mates because my university was playing with my certificate.  I had to wait for the second stream. 

    When my posting came out, I ended up being posted to the north. As if that wasn’t bad enough, my redeployment to Lagos failed. After camp, I spent two months in a totally different state with no housing or family members. When I finally redeployed to Lagos, no PPA. And thus began the next two months of my life hanging in limbo doing nothing, waiting in uncertainty and listening to NYSC officials say the infamous, “just keep checking your NYSC dashboard for your new posting.” 

    The first thing I do when I wake up this morning is to open my NYSC dashboard to check my PPA portal. I’m met with the familiar disappointment of a blank page, so I log out. 

    It has been five months from mobilisation to redeployment, and I’ve not done anything significant. But that’s not the most annoying part. The worst part is that other people wake up with a clear idea of how their day will go and then there’s me who just, well… wakes up.  A large part of my day involves figuring out how to occupy myself until everyone returns from work at 4:00 p.m.

    Sometimes, I sleep or read a book, or just stare out into space. Nobody tells you how slow time moves when you have nothing planned for the day. 

    Another thing that frustrates me about the uncertainty of my situation is that I can’t get a side job. Every company I’ve interviewed with wants some measure of commitment, but I’m scared of taking a job, getting a PPA the next day and having to deal with clashing schedules. So I find myself declining jobs and waiting for NYSC to sort me.

    Today is gearing up to be a long-ass day. I can’t believe it’s just 10 a.m. My initial plan was to scroll mindlessly through social media, but everyone online looks like they have their life together — and that’s just going to make me feel bad. 

    I can’t do NYSC, can’t do a side job, can’t scroll through Instagram. All I can do is wait for 4 p.m.

    TUESDAY:

    I find it ironic that I had more fun outside Lagos than I’m having in Lagos. Although NYSC chopped my eye for redeployment on the last day; I still had a swell time in the north. The camp was fun and I got to meet interesting people.

    Now, my life is far from fun. My days are monotonous, and they repeat themselves. The only reason I remember that today is Tuesday is that I’m receiving a delivery for my sister whom I live with. Another aspect of not having a job is that I’m the designated “always-at-home-to-receive-a-package-person.” Sometimes, I feel like I’m part of the house and will soon merge with the furniture or the house itself.

    By mid-afternoon today, tired of sleeping, I call my contact at the NYSC office for an update and he goes, “Why are you complaining? Are you not just sleeping and waking up?”

    I’m speechless. 

    In terms of how great my life could have gone, things haven’t gone according to my plan. I’m not only humble, but I believe that I’m now a cautionary tale. People are now like “If NYSC posts you outside Lagos, don’t redeploy. *Yinka redeployed and now look at her life.”

    At this point, I don’t mind working for free; as long as I can just start working. 

    Wait, I mind working for free. Lagos is too expensive for that behaviour pls. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    En route to the Secretariat for monthly clearance today, one policeman shouted “corper wee” at me. I felt like coming down from my bike to punch his silly mouth because who is smiling with him. 

    This NYSC period has been full of only stress and frustration for my life. If not that allawee is tied to monthly clearance and monthly clearance is tied to wearing the NYSC uniform, where will people see me to be shouting “corper wee”.

    In all honesty, even the ₦33,000 allawee is not enough to survive on. Before NYSC, I used to comfortably buy Chicken Republic Refuel Max, but now, my motto is that there is rice at home. I can’t believe part of the reason I left the north was because they didn’t have Refuel Max, and now, I can’t afford to buy it in Lagos. 

    Today, I find myself very grateful for my benefactor aka my older sister. If not for her financial support, I’d probably have died of starvation. As a way of extending my stay in the house, I make up for my lack of earnings by doing domestic work.  

    I clean, cook and do everything in between. 

    If my sister asks me to run an errand, I do it with no questions asked. How can I protest when a carton of Indomie is now ₦3800? 

    Once I remove money for data, transport money from running around to sort NYSC runs, there’s almost nothing left to spend from the allawee. 

    My mentality now is that if any activity is going to remove from my ₦33,000, I’m not doing it. I’m going to politely decline, stay home, eat rice and do the dishes after. 

    THURSDAY:

    I wake up with this bout of sadness and an impending sense of gloom. I don’t want to talk to anyone around me; at least, not for a few hours. 

    I feel like the last five months has made NYSC a core part of my identity, and I’ve given it more power than I’d like. It has become an integral part of my conversations with people. 

    Friend 1: “How far your PPA?”

    Friend 2: “Can’t you do the NYSC without PPA?”

    Family and friends: “Why is this happening to you?”

    Me: “I don’t know…”

    I miss the old me. The fun me. I remember enjoying things like musical concerts, book shopping and watching plays. I’ve allowed life and NYSC take those away from me. But I can’t continue like this. 

    Today’s operation is to spark joy in my life. I’ll kick off the day by watching season 2 of the series, Ted Lasso. Then, I’ll listen to the Hamilton soundtrack and scream along when they say “how do we emerge victorious from the quagmire”. After that, the soundtrack is over. 

    By then, the day would be perfect for taking both Zikoko quizzes of the day. Finally, I’ll end the day by listening to Zikoko’s Love Life and that one will spark endorphins that’ll carry me for at least 30 seconds. 

    Less worrying and more enjoying. 

    FRIDAY: 

    If there’s any lesson from this period, I’m struggling to see it. But today is not the time for plenty of questions. I’m packing a bag to one of my friends’ houses where I can binge TV and let someone else worry about feeding me. 

    I could do with the company and distraction.

    When my NYSC service is over, I’ll throw a party. Then I’ll tear my uniform. After, I’ll frame and hang my NYSC certificate because I’ve suffered for it. 

    I lied when I said I didn’t have any lesson from this experience. I do, and it’s that life doesn’t always go as planned. If you had given me a thousand guesses, I don’t think I’d have guessed that five months into NYSC I’d still be struggling to be posted.  In my head, I thought that I’d be saving money from PPA [the subject has paying PPA options] alongside my allawee for jaapa. Then I’d also use the opportunity to build up hours for my minimum work experience. 

    All my planning is in the mud. 

    My prayer now is that when I wake up on Monday morning my PPA has changed.  God pls. 


    Editor’s note: The subject in no way seeks to tarnish the image of the NYSC scheme. She simply wishes to share her experience of/with the scheme. 

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • I Can Spot Fake Watches Just By Looking at Them — A Day in the Life of a Watch Repairer

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a horologist. Horologists repair watches and clocks, and their job requires patience, focus/precision and very specific technical knowledge. This knowledge is usually learnt in informal settings like apprenticeships or through word of mouth.

    With almost 10 years of experience, our subject tells us about being able to fix any watch, spotting fake watches, and takes us through one day in his life. 

    I pack my office keys, wallet and phone as I’m leaving the house. Halfway out, I turn back to pick an umbrella and a nylon that I stuff into my pockets.

    Some days it rains heavily, some days the sun shines bright. You never know what Lagos will throw at you.

    Regardless of the weather condition, my oga expects punctuality, so I resume my watch repairing job on or before 8:00 a.m. every day. I head to my oga’s shop inside the Onipanu market of Lagos. From my house, it takes me one bus and a 10-minute walk to reach the shop. I like the location of the shop because people are always passing the market so they can easily see us. 

    Sometimes, I find customers already waiting for me. Other times, it’s just me in the shop with my watches and soft music playing in the background. 

    No matter the kind of day I get, I embrace it. Today can be good and tomorrow bad or vice versa.


    I set down my unused umbrella, shine my phone torchlight and struggle with my office padlock at exactly 8:00 a.m. From when I resume till 9 p.m., I’m either changing watch batteries or making general repairs. I can fix anything as long as it’s not a digital watch and you give me enough time to source the parts. But customers are never patient; they want their watch fixed immediately as if this job is sorcery. If you rush to fix their watch, it’s the same customers that will come back and shout at you when it stops working. So it’s just best I take my time. 

    I need customers today because yesterday was sort of slow, but this morning isn’t any better.  I keep checking the clocks in my office. For the first two hours, the shop is empty. 

    That’s why I’m happy at 10 a.m. when an elderly man comes in asking if I can fix his watch. I pause for a minute and study the watch.

    This work is not only about fixing watches. Customer satisfaction too dey inside. I always watch my client’s moods and gauge their reaction before saying anything. And I don’t talk too much. There are some customers who brag about the price of their watch, and I know it’s fake once I look at the chain or the engine. But I never say anything. I just face front and fix their watch. 

    The watch in front of me is an expensive Swiss model, so I tell the customer I need some time to fix it. Unlike a Chinese watch, I need a clear head to fix a Swiss. Misplacing one screw alone can affect the engine function and each screw costs about ₦12,000. This watch has 5. After fixing the watch, I plan to also clean and tighten the strap so it feels brand new.

    I see the customer weigh his options before deciding to drop the watch. I just hope that the extra effort and attention to detail makes him a repeat customer.

    By 12 p.m., more customers troop in. My oga is not around, and I’m the only one in, so I try to work as fast as possible. 

    First, someone brings a Seiko watch that needs fixing. I test the batteries with a battery tester and notice it’s the batteries that need changing. I charge them ₦300 for a replacement. Then, another person brings a Citizen watch with a slow seconds hand. I diagnose the problem, uncouple the watch and file off a few parts. Also, there’s a mother here to replace a watch she bought the other day. Why? Both she and her daughter struggle with setting the time when I’m not there. Then a customer comes in with a chain watch bigger than his wrist. One drill, two removed linking chains and a couple of nairas later, his watch fits perfectly. 

    watch repairer
    watch repairer
    Watch testing machine

    It’s 6 p.m. when the last customer finally leaves. Even after 9 years and 10 months on this job, the busy days still leave me breathless. Yes, the work is hard; it requires precision, patience and focus, but I’ll have it no other way. Before this job, I worked as a welder. I also sold animals. My boss, who I call my egbon, trained and introduced me to this work and I haven’t looked back. Apart from the plenty standing and sitting in one place and impatient customers, I love the job. More than anything, repairing watches makes me feel like I’m solving problems and making people’s lives easier. That feeling alone is priceless. Hopefully, one day, I’ll start my own repair shop. But for now, I’m not interested in that because I’m learning every day under my egbon. 

    I still have enough time to fix the Swiss watch from this morning. It should take about two hours which means I’ll be done around 8:00 p.m. I’ve tried today, so I can close early. I just need to finish with this watch, then it is home sweet home.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • ₦3500 Is The Most Money You Can Make In A Day — A Week In The Life Of A Bricklayer

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a bricklayer. He tells us about the poor wages that come with the job, battling omo oniles at building sites and how he plans to become an engineer.

    MONDAY:

    I don’t like staying at home on Monday. Whether I have a job or not, I must leave my house to do something. Based on the nature of my job, work is not always constant. Sometimes we have work and sometimes we’re jobless and just looking at God. It’s not every day people need bricklayers.

    When I leave my house by 9 a.m. today, the first place I go to is called “Center” — a bubbly place in Ilorin where clients come to request the services of bricklayers. Here, customers come and tell us about their job, we agree on a price, number of people and duration of work. Win-win for everybody.

    However, the first thing I notice when I enter Center is that everywhere is dull. No clients, no nothing. Everywhere just calm like say fight just finish. My body is not feeling the place, so I leave for my friend’s office nearby.

    Unfortunately, my friend isn’t around, so I have to go back home. On the way home, I can’t help but think about how this job is changing. Bricklayers used to have plenty of jobs, but now there are too many people doing this work. And they are cheap too because of desperation. 

    I get angry when people say we make a lot of money because we get paid daily. How much are they paying us? ₦3,000 or ₦3,500 pata pata. Then someone will now open their mouth and be calculating for me. They’ll say ₦3,500 x 30 days is big money. Do I work every day? Do they work from Monday to Sunday? Let’s even say I want to every day; is there job? 

    These are the issues and part of why I don’t like people who don’t mind their business. Anyhow, that’s their own problem. My current headache now is whether there’ll be light at home. At least if I’m not working today I can relax at home and watch TV or play games. Tomorrow is there for us to try again.

    TUESDAY:

    I’ve been doing bricklaying work since I was 12 or 13. Before secondary school. Immediately after graduating from primary school. 

    How did I get into it? Typical story. My dad, the breadwinner of a large family, lost his job as a transporter. 8 kids, large house, plenty of bills. Me, the second-born, the only male child, and subsequent new breadwinner.

    Options for work when you’re 12/13? —  labourer work. 

    The first month was carrying blocks up and down. Next, I progressed to mixing concrete. This led to double promotion and becoming a bricklayer’s assistant. I continued doing this work even while in secondary school. Small school work, small bricklayer work. All na learning. 

    As far back as I remember, I always wished to be educated. A teacher offered to sponsor my education but my father refused. His reason? He can’t allow his son who happens to be his second child to live with someone he doesn’t know. That’s how my chance for free school went, and I had to be hustling up and down for my education. 

    At the work site, I met some guys who encouraged me to think big and work hard. I took their advice, saved some money and entered Kwara Poly after secondary school. 

    That’s where I entered wahala part two. I thought I could handle the expenses, but billings everywhere. Lecturer says we should buy handout, money. Lecturer says we should photocopy textbook, more money. 

    After I finished ND1 [first year in a polytechnic] like this, I ran out of money. No way to do ND2 [second year] and that’s how I entered gambling to try to make money.

    I’ll not go into details, but that experience taught me that there’s a difference between suffering and hardness. When you’re suffering, people can pity you and assist because it’s not your fault. But you see hardness? Nobody will help you because they can see that you’re your own problem. 

    Anyhow, I stopped gambling, returned to bricklaying work and eventually raised the money. I even ended up doing civil engineering for my HND programme

    After that programme, I now faced wahala part 3. No job. 

    The company I did my NYSC with was offering me ₦30,000 a month for full-time employment. I did the maths of my earnings as a bricklayer and realised I was better off there. That’s how I switched back to this work.

    Why am I saying all of this? It’s because I woke up feeling very grateful today. Things may not be going the way I want, but thank God we don’t look like where we’re coming from. And for that alone, today feels like it’s going to be a good day.  

    WEDNESDAY:

    I’ve been working under the hot sun all day. All my body is screaming for water and my shirt is soaked with sweat. But that’s not even the worst part. The person we’re working for just announced that he can’t pay the full amount we negotiated — ₦3,000/day — because something something money didn’t come through.

    Me I’m asking myself how that one concerns me. And why is he just telling us after we’ve been working since morning under the heat? As per say him be oga, I said let me try to reason with him, but he’s not listening to anybody. He’s showing power because he knows that we can’t abandon the work after coming this far.

    This is the part of the job that I don’t like. Because we don’t have a written contract, someone can just change their mind after you’ve started work. And there’s nobody to fight for us. 

    Just last week, Agberos came to the house we were working on and asked for money. 

    I asked them, “Money for what? In Kwara state?” Before I could say anything, I heard “gboa.” That gboa was a slap. 

    Next thing, me and my boys carried shovel to fight them. The next thing police have arrested everyone. Godfather came to bail agbero. The house owner told us that he was coming to bail us, and after keeping us waiting for hours, he came and started shouting at us. 

    Nobody to defend us, and now we can’t even defend ourselves. 

    Anyhow sha, after plenty of back and forth plus shouting, oga finally agreed to pay ₦2500 instead of ₦3000. It’s still out of this money that I’ll buy strong paracetamol for all the stress. 

    THURSDAY:

    I’m not in a hurry to go to work today. After the drama of yesterday, I take my time to prepare. I listen to the radio, I browse through my phone and call my friends. 

    If not for the economy of Nigeria, why will I, a graduate, be working a job where the highest you can make in a day is  ₦3500? Okay, maybe ₦4,000 if you do certain jobs. But I can bet that you will spend half of that money buying pain relief drugs. 

    So what’s now the point? 

    I recently started taking some certifications because my goal in future is to become an engineer. I’m constantly praying and working towards this goal. I just need time for things to align for me.

    But before then, I need to leave this house so that I can hustle my daily ₦2k. 

    FRIDAY:

    I don’t work on Fridays because it’s Jumat and I have to go to the mosque. I can’t do any work that won’t let me serve my God. 

    My plan today: sleep, eat, pray and hang out with my friends. 

    Thank God it is Friday.


    Editor’s note: Bricklayers can make more than ₦3,500 a day if they get contract jobs. However, those jobs are rare.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • I work Two Jobs But It Feels Like I’m Not Working — A Day In The Life Of A Forklift Operator

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a forklift operator. Forklifts are equipment used in lifting heavy loads from the factory to the warehouse and from the warehouse into trucks.

    Our subject talks to us about working two different jobs as a forklift operator, working flexible hours at both jobs, and making more money than the typical forklift operator. How does he do it? Read more to find out: 

    Unless I’m on the night shift or something as unpredictable as Lagos traffic delays me, my day typically starts at 10 a.m. The first thing I do is to lay out my plans and assess my level of preparation to achieve them. Both companies I work for — company A and B — require operators at the start of their shift, to go round their machines, assess their readiness for work and document their findings in a logbook. I equate planning my day with assessing my machine, but in this case, I am the machine, and the machine is me. Once I’m done with this, the day begins.

    As a forklift operator, I’m half part an engineer who operates an industrial machine and half part an operator who has to lift loads. I mostly do this using a machine called a forklift —  an industrial machine with a forklike mouth used for lifting heavy loads over short distances. 

    Think about it like this: in the absence of a mobile crane machine, you can use a forklift. Although, a crane is taller and safer because the load is carried at a distance from the operator, compared to forklifts which are quite close. 

    I work part-time with two companies that produce and sell drinks, and my job typically involves stacking these drinks into the warehouse after production or loading them for sale into waiting trucks. 

    People say knowing how to drive a car means you can drive a forklift. They aren’t entirely wrong but they are also not right. Knowing how to drive a car makes things easier, but you still need to learn the rules of the forklift from scratch because it has functions a car doesn’t have. The tyres have a turning pattern that ensures that the front tyre can be reversed to face the back, and vice versa — this means that you can navigate through extremely tight spaces.

    In addition, the forklift has three levers — which a car doesn’t have — and that’s why we’re called operators, instead of drivers. One lever helps with lifting and putting down the load, another helps with balancing the load on the machine, and the last helps in manoeuvring tight corners. You also can’t drive a forklift with both hands. You need the right hand to perform the function of operating and carrying the load while the left hand is used in wheeling the steering, which is usually smaller/thinner than the steering of a car. 

    All these require their own special training. 

    I work part-time for a couple of reasons: Firstly, because it frees up my time. Full-time operators start their day at 7 a.m. and end at 7 p.m. However, as a part-time operator, I resume by 10 a.m. and I work for seven hours. During this time, I cover for seven full-time operators [as a break reliever] for one hour each, while they rest or eat. Sometimes, I’m lucky and someone tells me not to bother covering for them so this frees up an extra hour or two for me. Whether I work for seven or two hours, I still get paid at the end of the month. And the salary difference between a full-time and part-time time operator is just ₦9,000. 

    Money is the second reason I work part-time. I observed that Nigerian companies, especially forklift companies, are greedy and not deserving of my time. The drink companies pay ₦50,000 per day for each forklift machine and yet, the forklift companies don’t pay operators [especially full-time] well.  However, by working two part-time jobs with flexible hours I outearn a full-time operator. For both jobs, I work two mornings, two nights and get two days off. I’ve timed my schedule such that when I’m on the night shift in company A, I’m off duty in company B. And when I’m off at company A, I’m on the morning shift in company B. This ensures that I have adequate rest and I work like someone who’s not working.

    The last reason for part-time work is the benefits. Company A has health insurance but company B has a more comprehensive [covers more treatment] health plan. Company A has a better pension scheme than company B. Both companies give paid leave. Irrespective of whatever direction they take, I win in both places and get to customize my benefits. I laugh when people say, “this boy, you don’t have sense,” because I don’t have full-time employment. I know what I’m doing. 

    As a child of God, I don’t believe in using all my strength to work. I believe in grace and not in how hard you work. You’ll catch me spending my free time either reading my bible, listening to Christian music, or spending time alone rediscovering myself. 

    But with the good also comes the bad side of a job, like supervisors insulting you to get things done. At job A this morning, a supervisor screamed at me: “guy, carry this thing for me now abi you dey mad.” I just smiled calmly without reacting. I’ve learnt not to get angry because I understand that people are frustrated and so they transfer aggression. Therefore, it’s not your fault if someone mistakes you for the cause of their problems. 

    That was in the morning. Now, it’s afternoon and I check my watch to see that time is crawling. It should be almost close of work but now, it’s barely 3 p.m. 

    I’m glad when my last two covers for the day tell me they’re forfeiting break time because they’re behind schedule. My watch says 3:15 p.m., and this means that I can leave work before traffic starts to pile. I can’t emphasise how much I love that this job gives me control over my time alongside other benefits. Even though driving a forklift wasn’t always the plan, it will suffice until I can raise enough money to finally escape this country. It also helps that the job is fun and I love driving. Ultimately, my goal is not to be a billionaire but to be comfortable and both jobs are helping with that.

    At the end of the day, I’m grateful for this job but I’m also looking forward to more. I’m not worried because, at the end of the day, my life is in the hands of God; from clay I came and to clay I shall return. 


    Featured image: Google.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • For 2 Years I Didn’t Win a Single Bet — A Week in the Life of a Gambler

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a writer and gambler. He talks about how earning in dollars makes gambling in Naira bearable, selling his properties to offset gambling bills and the adrenaline rush betting gives him. 

    MONDAY:

    The first thing I reach for when I get out of bed this morning is my phone. Before I do other things like checking work emails, replying to WhatsApp messages or even reading the news, I open my betting site. It’s 10 a.m. and I’m looking for early kick-off [1 p.m.] football games to bet on.

    I scroll, unimpressed, through the Arabian league, Estonian league, before settling on the Portuguese league. I do a bit of reading up on the teams, do some mental maths, and play two tickets. One ticket has 8 games in it with potential winnings of roughly ₦50,000. Not bad for a ticket that cost ₦1500 to play. The other one has 7 games in it and costs ₦1,000 to play. The potential winnings are relatively lower than the first, but we move.

    With the bets out of the way and the looming thrill of winning or losing present, my day begins. As a freelance writer [for a foreign football and predictions site], I work overnight till 3 a.m., wake up at 10 a.m., place a bet, look at work emails, curse or jubilate when my ticket cuts or enters, and eat somewhere in between. This is in addition to my non-existent social life.

    My first task this morning is to have my bath, then I’ll move from there.

    2:00 p.m.: Most of today has been a blur. I wrote a few blog posts, replied to a few messages, cursed Nigeria; nothing out of the usual. My first match starts at 2:30 p.m. and I’m looking forward to it. I’m thankful for this app from work that allows me to watch obscure leagues so I can monitor, write and bet on matches. I’m super excited to see how my predictions perform. 

    4:30 p.m.: The ₦1,000 ticket has casted. Two of the teams lost already so there’s no hope. Although the ₦1,500 ticket is giving me life: 3 out of 8 games have clicked. I’m hopeful as fuck. 

    5:30 p.m: Now, 5/8.  We’re still on track.

    6:30 p.m.: Omo! 7 of 8 games are in. And the last two tickets had last-minute goals. I picked over two goals [that is, both teams score more than two goals by the final whistle] for one match and the teams didn’t score until the 67th and 81st minute. For the other match, they were playing 1-1 until someone scored an extra-time goal — see the way I screamed! Their papa!!!

    8:00 p.m.: Final fixture and I can feel things are aligning for me. All the signs have shown me that this ticket is the lucky one. I just know. My bet on this match is that both teams score more than 2 goals, and this team is notorious for scoring goals. Let’s bring this money home. 

    8:30 p.m.: Gooooooall. 1 goal down. Let’s gooooo.

    9:00 p.m.: Still waiting. Let’s do it.

    9:15 p.m.: Come on booyysss.

    9:20 p.m.: Please now, boys. 

    9:25 p.m: God, please. It’s never too late for a miracle. God pleasseee.

    9:35 p.m.: Fuck! These bastards have finished me.


    TUESDAY:

    Yesterday was a shitty day. In fact, this month has been shitty because I haven’t won a single gamble. My only consolation is that I earn in dollars so I have enough disposable income to spare. If not, I’d have become desperate. 

    Anatomy of recent losses:

    On Saturday, I lost ₦4,000 because some of the big premiership teams disappointed me. 

    On Sunday, I lost ₦6,500 because their counterparts in La-Liga also did the same.

    Monday, I said let me try obscure league and same embarrassment. I lost ₦2500.

    ₦13,000 gone in three days just like that inside this Buhari economy. It’s all good because I’m still going to try my luck again this afternoon.  

    Even with the drought, I’m not scared. I’ve seen worse. From 2017 – 2019, I didn’t win one single gamble; only losses. Both big and small bets were casting. One time, I even tried rising [a gambling term for increasing money] ₦100 to ₦500 just to get the feeling of winning and it casted. However, on August 18, 2019 — I’ll never forget the date in my life — I broke this jinx. I used ₦500 to win ₦19,000. I called all my guys to tell them that the jinx had been broken. Omo, see the faji after.

    I once saw a tweet that said there’s no better thing than having an orgasm. A gambler will disagree. There’s no better feeling than chopping a win after many years of losing. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    It’s a slow day at work today so I have time to think about my life. If I think hard enough I realise that the thrill is why I love betting.

    The emotional roller coaster gives me a rush of adrenaline that makes me feel alive. Following simultaneous games on your ticket, seeing one club win here, another lose somewhere else, and all that passion is thrilling. It’s happiness, anger and tension at the same time. Betting is the only way to have a literal stake in the tension, unlike a casual observer. If I don’t have a ticket running on any given day my body starts to feel one kind. That’s why no matter how many times I try to quit, I fail. 

    To think that my gambling habit started from a radio show. As a die-hard football fan, I used to listen to this radio program where the host would announce how much people won from betting. The host would say things like clueless non-football fans won millions of money, yet die-hard football fans never made money from their passion. 

    One day, tired of being taunted, I placed my first bet and won ₦4,000. I was like, “Wait. Is it this easy?” From then on, it was a rabbit hole. I got into virtual betting and gambled away my project money, school fees, phone, laptop, speakers, and had an extra year. 

    In my final year, at the height of my troubles, I was owing my girlfriend about ₦100,000. I remember her suggesting that we go for deliverance. I struggled to explain to her that the same hope that allows human beings to show up daily is what gambling feeds upon. 

    You keep thinking, “I’ll win today. Today is my day.” But it’s not. 

    The more money you lose, the more the pull to get your money back. At some point, you start getting angry and making bad decisions and losing more. Then you start to borrow and drop properties as collateral. You then try to hustle money to bail your properties as collateral and start to owe everyone around you: from your roomies to friends to even your food woman. 

    If you’re lucky your eyes will clear quickly. If you’re like me, it’ll take gambling away your school fees, project money, and crying in the church to quit virtual betting. 

    To me, quitting virtual betting — like horse racing and other computer programmed games — and replacing it with online betting is a great step. At least, now I know I have a bad vice as compared to when it was a worse one. It also helps that I’m in a better place financially. 

    Thinking back on all this progress makes me feel lucky. I have a feeling today is going to be my day. When I finish replying to 10 work emails, I’ll reward myself by placing a small bet. For some reason, I have a feeling it will work out. 

    THURSDAY:

    Yesterday wasn’t great but today looks better. I’m watching the last game of a ticket I played and my team is winning. Other games entered earlier in the day and I have been waiting for this match to complete my long-awaited win. As the referee blows his whistle for an extra minute in the game, I start to celebrate.

    I open WhatsApp and order a shoe worth ₦30,000 and pay a ₦2,000 delivery fee. Any gambler will tell you that the minute you place a bet, in your head, you think the money has come. As a result, you become reckless with money because you think money is always coming and all you need to do is just “place a bet.”

    In the past, I used to see gambling money as awoof to be blown anyhow. But now, I see it as money for projects. A few months ago when I won ₦92,000 I bought a fridge. Another time when I went low on cash because I bought a generator, I used gambling to turn my last ₦2,000 to ₦75,000. 

    Although the disadvantages of gambling outweigh the advantages, it’s still a two-way street to me. 

    Let me be honest with you: these losses no longer matter because the money is too small to lose sleep over. 

    FRIDAY:

    I’m still on a high from yesterday. Today, I’m grateful for being in a place where I can laugh at losses. Before now, every time I lost a bet, I’d ignore the world and my 9-5 for a few hours to gather myself. And when I eventually came out, I’d go over each game, review my mistakes and jot them in an exercise book. 

    However, since my money went up, gambling has become a fun side vice for me. The only “bad” thing is that I sometimes go over my naira budget on gambling, but I’m managing it.

    It’s not like I’m going to outrightly stop gambling tomorrow or in two years time. All I can do is make tiny improvements here and there. My plan is to slowly wean myself off gambling before 35. Right now, at 27, this gives me 8 years to get there. My biggest fear is to be an old person who spends their life betting. I remember seeing old people at virtual betting shops and saying I don’t want to be that person. 

    I know for sure that I’ll quit one day. Probably. Maybe. Time will tell. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • A Week In The Life: 8 Must-Read Stories Of 2021

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    I don’t know about you but it has been a long year. A lot has happened that it feels like we’re starting to forget a few things. With that in mind, I decided to refresh our memories on some episodes of “A Week In The Life” that I have enjoyed writing.

    Whether you started reading in January or just last week, here are some stories that deserve to be read twice.

    1) A Week In The Life: The Interstate Driver With Girlfriends In Many States

    To be honest, I’m even changing. I’m not bad like that. If I count my girlfriends, I have only five consistent ones. I’ve removed the inconsistent ones from my list because no time. I’m also thankful that God take libido bless me to be able to keep everyone satisfied. It’s grace. I be pure Igbo guy, I strong die.

    This long-distance driver has gone from having a girlfriend in almost every state in the country to having “just” 5. Why does he do it? What’s his motivation? and is he not scared of the risks involved?

    Click here to find out.

    2) When I’m In Front Of A Camera, I Feel Like Wizkid Or Davido — A Week In The Life Of A Pornstar

    Forget everything you know because this story will challenge it. After failing to get into Nollywood, Juliet, the subject of this story decided to go into acting porn. She talks about the stigma involved in her job, not being ashamed to show her face in her videos and how powerful she feels in front of a camera.

    According to Juliet, “During video shoots, I tell my men that it’s acting we’re acting so they shouldn’t get carried away thinking it’s their girlfriend they’re fucking. I also make it clear that they must not cum in me —  they can cum on my laps, face, tummy but not inside me.”

    Read more here.

    3) A Week In The Life Of An Unpaid Full-Time House Wife

    What’s it like being an unpaid full housewife? It’s a lot of thankless hard work, unnecessary suffering and acceptance in the grand scheme of things.

    The heaviness in this story still haunts me today. See why here.

    4) “Everyone Shouts At You” — An Exhausting Week In The Life Of A Medical House Officer

    Doctors are leaving Nigeria for many reasons ranging from poor pay to terrible work conditions. What’s it like being a junior doctor in a toxic work environment? It’s a lot of shouting and being treated like you don’t matter or exist. It’s also a lot of crying and making up your mind to leave Nigeria as soon as you can.

    Don’t take my word for it, instead listen to a junior doctor narrate their story here.

    5) A Miraculous Week In The Life Of A Nigerian Olympian

    If you watched the recently concluded Tokyo Olympics, the name Enoch Adegoke must ring a bell. If it does, it’s because, for the first time in over 20 years, Enoch took Nigeria to the 100m men’s final.

    What does it take to be a pro athlete in Nigeria? Are Nigerian athletes rich? Satisfy your curiosity here.

    6) I Don’t Have Any Human Friend —A Week In The Life Of A Zookeeper

    As a zookeeper, you spend more time with animals than with humans. What happens when your job becomes your life? Well, if you’re like Mr Emeka, the subject of this story, it means you have no human friends.

    How must that feel? Start here to experience what it feels like.

    7) I Earn Dollars But I Still Feel Unsafe — A Week In The Life Of A Freelancer

    The Naira is tanking and everyone is screaming “earn dollars or save in dollars.”

    Alright, you listen to them and do both. However, you still feel unsafe because deep down you know that if anything happens to you, dollars can’t save you.

    This is an anxiety-filled “A Week In The Life.”

    8) Manager By Day, Sugar Baby At Night: A Week In The Life

    The subject of this story has gone from swearing not to sleep with married men to not refusing their advances.

    The result? A lot of gifts and houses. Why did she suddenly change her mind and go down the sugar baby route?

    Click here to read her origin story.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • A Week In The Life Of An Anonymous Superstar Social Media Influencer

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a social media influencer with over 100k followers on social media. They talk to us about remaining anonymous despite their fame, undercharging for their services and the anxiety that comes with the job.

    MONDAY:

    The first thought on my mind when I wake up today is that if I didn’t have to work to earn a living, I’d probably not be doing my day job. I only show up because of the money.

    Left to me, I’d spend my time living out my imaginations. Instead, I have to pretend like I’m normal and resume every day at a 9-5. During the day I’m the team lead at a digital media startup. At night, I’m a wildling on my personal account with over 100k followers on Twitter, [a little] less than 100k on Instagram and a newsletter with almost 10k subscribers. 

    My day job stresses me because of how professional it is. As someone with a wild imagination, I don’t find it fun. At work, I want to replicate ideas from the playbook of my personal account but every idea is met with “consider the brand image.” 

    Even on my personal account, when brands reach out, they like what they see but still always decide to play it safe. 

    Over time, this pushback has made my personal account the only place I can write the things I enjoy. I love the fact that my thoughts have a home and a receptive audience. What I don’t like is that it doesn’t generate enough money to survive and hence the need for a double life. 

    This afternoon I got a message that triggered me. Someone came to my DM telling me to always run my content by a team so I can know whether it’s good or bad. For someone who spends all day running content by people at my day job, I was like nope. I thought, “my personal account works because it’s 100% out of pocket and unfiltered me.” 

    Once I start running content by people, it’s no longer me. And if an idea doesn’t work, I’m going to blame myself for running it by another person. However, as a solo creator, I’m free to experiment as I like. 

    One of my biggest fears is getting to the point where I no longer recognize my work. With that resolve, I replied to the message: “thank you very much for the advice. I’ll look into it.”

    TUESDAY:

    No one knows what I look like. At least not the bulk of my followers; my day ones have seen my face. Initially, I decided to be anonymous because the more content I put out, the bigger my personal account got. And I was tired of people saying my face didn’t match my writing whenever they landed on my page, so I removed all my photos. However, over time, anonymity became a necessity for me. 

    At first, I realised I was insecure about my looks so I decided to grow into them without external influence. I didn’t want to post a picture and have people validate my looks. Next, I thought it was cool to be in the shadows on social media where everyone is constantly putting their face or business out there.

    The upside? On good days, like today, I have at least 20 people in my DM begging to know what I look like. People pleading and swearing, earnestly, on their parents’ lives that they won’t share my photos. My answer? “No, I’m not sending.” Although, listening to people beg is like doing drugs because of how intoxicating and powerful it feels. It also helps that I’m aware of the power I hold so I tease and draw out people’s curiosity as much as I can. Some days I’ll post a picture of just my hand or my legs. Other days, I’ll post a full photo of me but covered with a smiley or with my face blurred out. It’s so much fun! 

    The only downside of enjoying anonymity is that I don’t cash out. If someone with my level of influence who shows their face goes out, they’d receive favours I wouldn’t receive, mostly because they’re famous. But no one knows me. Even if I told them I was the person behind my account, they wouldn’t believe it. Therefore, I’d beg for things I ordinarily wouldn’t have to beg for if I showed my face. 

    However, the peace of mind from being anonymous is sufficient for me. There’s no pressure for me to keep up appearances or put on a show — and I love that for me. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Today makes it three days since I last posted on my Twitter account. My mental health is shit, my anxiety is at an all-time high and my self-esteem is at the lowest. Yay. 

    As a creator with a large following, sooner or later the pressure gets to you. You’re always thinking about numbers: how many retweets did this post get, how many likes, how many quotes? Who shared it? Was it reposted on Instagram and WhatsApp statuses? This obsession puts pressure on you to create fun stuff for the audience so you rush your process. Then it doesn’t bang. Now the numbers are bad and you feel like shit because low numbers are bad for your brand’s business. It’s twice as bad because you can see how other creator’s content are banging in real-time. After a while, doubt starts to creep in. 

    But when your content bangs —my God! You feel unstoppable. God now help you that you’re on a roll. The type where you tweet the most random thing and it bangs. You quote a tweet and you get 4k retweets. Your reply to a tweet gets 2k likes. That kind of constant real-time validation and gratification is a drug you become addicted to. 

    As someone who has recently come down from that high,  the lows are dealing with me. I’m thinking about how my retweets gradually started reducing from 4,000 to 2,000 to 1,000 and then 500 on a good day. I think reality fully hit me when I got to 500. At that point, it was as if I was relocating from Banana Island to Ikorodu and that affected me badly.

    It has taken some affirmations to slowly climb out of it. Every day I remind myself that my worth as a human being is not tied to whether or not my tweets bang. Regardless of what happens, I’m still the same person. I’m still that talented person with room for growth. 

    In the long term,  I know this will pull me out of my mental and emotional chokehold. However, short term, my strategy is to keep avoiding my stressors — most especially Twitter. 

    THURSDAY:

    People always ask me if being an influencer is profitable. The answer is both yes and no. If you’re like me that charged two thousand naira for my first advert, you’re already doing it wrong. Mind you, I had 5,000 followers then. When I got to almost 10k followers I increased my rate to ₦10,000 for adverts. 

    Every time someone paid me I’d promise to deliver the best work of their life. Looking back, I realise that at every follower milestone I’d increase my rates but still did not make bank.

    It wasn’t until today that I realised the reason for my weird relationship with money. The pay at the first company I worked for was shitty so I thought I deserved shit. I was being paid around ₦50,000 to make 90 content items in a month. In my head, ₦10,000 per content item promotion was a good deal for me. And this is how I approached my rates as my follower count grew. 

    With money, I’m just reaching a point where I can charge the least I deserve, especially for someone at my level of influence. It has taken me months of talking with many people to see that I don’t deserve to earn shit.

    Later today, I’ll test out my new resolution on a client I’m talking to. I’m going to multiply my current rate by two. If I die, I die, but I’m no longer accepting rubbish. Thank you very much! 

    Influencing can be mad profitable if you maximise the opportunities you get. But it’s also short-lived. If you don’t reinvent yourself, another person will come up, do what you’re doing and take your spot. 

     FRIDAY:

    I finally posted on Twitter today. It wasn’t my best work but I’ll take it like that. I’m trying to show up regardless of how I feel. The more work I put out, the more I increase the probability of something clicking. 

    It’s just difficult shaking off the feeling that it’s been a while since my content surprised people and that’s messing with me. This weekend, I plan to explore new content formats, think up possible collaborations with fellow creatives, and maybe even consider publishing a book. 

    I hate how creativity can be so hard yet so simple, but I won’t give up. I’ll cry when I need to cry and laugh when it comes.

    I know that there’s potential in the business and I’m going to tap into it. One thing I know is that the first step to blowing is knowing your worth. A lot of people think I have money but I don’t because it has taken so long to realise my worth. If you see yourself as trash, this industry is not kind and will treat you accordingly. 

    Thankfully, things are changing for me. My goal right now is to earn enough from influencing gigs so I can quit my day job. If I play my cards right that day could come sooner than expected. Until then, my plan for today is to open Slack and dance to the tunes of my capitalist employer. 

    I can’t wait for today to end. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • Hockey Failed Him And Now He’s Driving For Uber: A Week In The Life

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “AWITL” used to be a professional hockey player but that didn’t work out. Now, he’s a driver on Uber. He talks about using his rent money to pay for the car he drives, living out of his car, and trusting God for his future.

    MONDAY:

    The only person that can make my car go anywhere on Monday is God. Outside of him, no matter what’s happening, my car no dey leave where I park am on Monday.

    Monday is my day off because I can’t come and kill myself. I chose this day because it’s normally tight and everyone in Lagos is rushing. While people are on the road struggling, I’m resting.  And while they’re resting, I’m working. I’ve scheduled my timetable such that I work from Tuesday to Sunday and I’m okay with it. 

    As a result, I spent my time today washing my car and clothes — just chilling. 

    Thankfully, I’m not married nor do I have children so nobody disturbs me. 

    After finishing my tasks, I find something to put in my stomach and sleep. In the evening, I warm my car and check the oil and water levels.  

    At night, I mentally start preparing for work tomorrow. By 9 p.m., I’m asleep. 

    TUESDAY:

    On the days I’m working, I wake up by 3 a.m. and resume work at 4 a.m.

    Why? Because this country no balance. The earlier I start hustling, the more money I can make and the more I avoid holdup.

    It’s hard being a driver because everything is against you: Lagos traffic, passengers, bad roads and even yourself. This morning, my body refused to cooperate at 3:00 a.m. so I woke up around 3:55 a.m. The first thing I did after waking up was to brush my teeth and go online on the driver’s app. Because I was late, there was no time to baff.

    My first rider was going to Iyana-Ipaja so I cancelled the trip. Around this time, I only go to areas I’m familiar with. The next order was somewhere around Surulere so I accepted the trip. My procedure before picking a passenger in the morning is to call them to gauge their voice. If my spirit doesn’t like their voice, I cancel the trip. If they sound okay, I move. 

    In this life, you can’t be too careful. Last last we’re all in the hands of God but you also have to play your own part. Them still dey kill person wey get 1,000 security guards talkless of me that I’m alone. The only belief I have any time I go out is that God is with me. Apart from that, it’s purely instinct.

    After hearing the passenger’s voice, I went to pick them. I dropped them and did four more trips until around 7:00 a.m. when traffic started to build. 

    By this time, I had made some money so I decided to go have a bath. After that, my day properly began.

    WEDNESDAY:

    I’m looking at my account balance and I’m not happy. I’m doing hire purchase — instalment payments — for this car and after delivering money to my boss today, my account is empty. 

    I’m tired because I used the ₦200,000 I wanted to rent a house with to pay the initial deposit for this car. Now, the car has also become my house. I can’t pay rent and I don’t have money. But people will see me driving a car and be jealous. 

    They don’t know that my experience be like season film; too many things are happening.

    Every night, I go to my former area to park because I know it’s secure. I open my car windows and push my front seat down so I can lie on it. That’s how I’ve been sleeping every night for the past two months and I never die. 

    When I wake up in the morning, I go to my former house to use their toilet and bath before starting my day. Sometimes, I use the toilet inside banks or hotels. 

    I know that all this managing is just for a while. At least, until I finish paying for the car. No be say I dey lazy, na favour just never set. 

    THURSDAY:

    Today, I blame myself for being Nigerian. As you’re seeing me, I’m a professional hockey player with Lagos State. In fact, I also used to play football but I ran away because there was no money in it. In hockey, at least we used to get some stipends to hold body. If the government invested in athletics maybe I wouldn’t be a driver. 

    I’ve played many hockey tournaments from Lagos to Abuja. I’ve also won many medals and done a lot of training, yet, nothing to show for it. Last year, I was in training camp for almost twelve months before COVID-19 struck. That’s how all our plans scattered. To make matters worse, our executives embezzled our money. That’s how I suddenly found myself stranded.

    At that point, I had to tell everyone: “bro, captain, coach, I don’t want to train again. Don’t bother yourself calling me for camp. Don’t try it because I’m not doing again. When I’m financially stable, I’ll start my training again. Until then, nobody should call me.”

    All my talent is just wasting. I blame myself for being born in this type of country. 

    FRIDAY:

    I don’t mind driving because the work is okay. Sometimes you meet passengers who’ll treat you like a human being and relate with you. Other times, you’ll see the ones that will talk to you anyhow or insult you. 

    I take both of them with my chest. Na me know wetin I dey find and I have a goal. My biggest drive is that one day I’ll make it and become somebody in life. I no dey even think am too much because I know it’s for sure. That’s why I start today by praying and telling Baba God that he’s now in charge of my life. Me, I’m not doing again. 

    My problems may be bigger than me, but them no big pass God. The main thing on my mind is how I’ll pay off the ₦2.5M on my hire purchase. There’s also rent to think of after that one. Even if it’s a room self-contained, I’ll manage. There’s nothing like sleeping in your own house, on your own bed, under your own roof. Nothing beats having your own toilet to shit in without restrictions. Me, I’m not going to kill myself with overthinking. With the way I’m hustling I know I have no choice but to blow one day. 

    I’m turning 32 this year and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that this life no balance at all. But my own must balance.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • QUIZ: Can We Guess Your Age Based On Your Fashion Choices?

    This quiz can accurately guess how old you are based on the fashion items you pick.

    Start here to see where you fall:

  • I Earn Dollars But I Still Feel Unsafe — A Week In the Life of a Freelancer

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a freelance product designer. He earns in forex while living in Nigeria. He talks to us about navigating time zone differences, landing foreign clients, and his battles with a sedentary lifestyle.

    MONDAY:

    Unlike most Lagosians, my day begins in the evening. I’m awake when people are asleep and I’m asleep when people are awake.

    Work typically starts at 3 p.m. for me and ends around midnight or early morning. I’m a product designer in Nigeria working with a foreign company, so my sleep pattern is ruined.

    As long as I’m getting paid in forex, I don’t mind.

    It’s wild that I got into this life because of an Instagram message. I had just quit my job, was running on vibes and panicking when an acquaintance texted, “Hey, do you want to work for a foreign company?” You’d have been worried if you saw the way I jumped at the offer. It was so bad that I didn’t negotiate with my employer. The speed and casualness with which he agreed to my initial price told me I had sold myself short. 

    For me, the prospect of earning in dollars was simply too good to be true. I had just quit a job without a plan and here I was. Now, I know I could have bargained better, but that’s all past. 

    These days, every working hour is paid for. Although, I try to strike a balance — I don’t work more than 12 hours during the week, and if I can help it, I don’t work on the weekends. 

    Since I work in a different time zone, I also try to use my mornings to relax. I use the time my oga is sleeping to get a few things done. Like today, I woke up at 11 a.m. The first thing I did was stretch a little. Then I replied to messages from the night before and tried to skip. Around noon, I had a light breakfast and napped. 

    By 3 p.m., I was feeling very rested and ready to seize the day. 

    TUESDAY:

    The first thing I said when I woke up this morning was “God forbid bad thing.” I had a nightmare that I was back to earning in naira. If you see the speed I woke up with ehn. 

    I’m saying God forbid bad things for a couple of reasons. Beyond the better pay — which is important — foreign jobs give superb feedback. Any small thing, they’ll throw words of affirmation at you: you’re beautiful, your design is great. In fact, my employer says I’m the best in the world. I’m usually like, “Okay sir, if you insist.”

    You can move mountains and some Nigerian employers may not acknowledge it. To them, you’re being paid a salary so do your work. Being appreciated alone is a big win in my books.

    Another good thing — and I’m not shading anyone — is the developers I work with. They are beasts. You give them your design, and they implement it exactly as it is. Whew! 

    There’s less back and forth between designers and the developers, and they actually listen to me because it’s my field. Also, they trust that I know what I’m saying — wow. 

    I had a nice meeting with the tech team at work today. Although I started the day feeling low on energy, the feedback from the conversation I had with them gingered me. I’d thought I was going to get through my day doing the barest minimum, but now, I’m inspired to do more. 

    It feels very relaxing to work in an environment where I’m valued and my work is appreciated. Naturally, it makes me want to go above and beyond. 

    My goal for this week, as with every other week, is to finish all my tasks before the weekend so I can relax. I won’t be caught dead in front of a laptop if Chelsea is playing, or if my guys are outside balling. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    People come up to me every time asking how they can land foreign jobs. I tell them the same thing: exposure. 

    You have to put yourself out there. That’s the major difference between being good and being seen. The sweet spot is having the skill and being visible. There are many good designers out there, but no one knows them.  

    I make sure to always update my portfolio and my LinkedIn page. I’m always shooting out cold emails. I’ve come a long way from posting my designs primarily on Instagram to using LinkedIn. Regardless of what platform you use, it’s important you put yourself out there. 

    Today, I already sent out a cold email on LinkedIn and started a conversation. It works for me because I also have the experience to back it up. I tell newbies in the game to document their process. Beyond daily challenges, explain the problems you identified and why you decided to redesign an existing app that works perfectly. 

    Once you can state a problem and explain how you arrived at a solution, you’re almost there. The next step is to share widely and add to your portfolio. These are the things you’ll send as proof when reaching out to foreign companies. 

    Another thing that’s important to note is that if you’re not using platforms like Upwork and co, it’s always advisable to ask for a down payment before doing any work. These streets are dangerous and you don’t want to say “I thy known”. 

    Personally, I’ve not had any bad experience and to God be the glory. If someone runs me street, I can just start crying. 

    THURSDAY:

    As the week comes to a close, I’m not as exhausted as I usually am. In fact, this is the first week I’m not actively looking forward to the weekend. Weekends are sacred for me because that’s when I get to spend all the money I’ve been making. 

    If I work long hours during the week, the weekend is to spend the money made from that time. 

    I overheard some people talking about how they had no plans for the weekend, and it made me flashback to a year ago. The difference between then and now is massive. Now, I dey ball die. When people stylishly ask me what has changed, I tell them to ask me straight and not go through the corners — life is good.  Dollars is sweet.

    Fortunately or unfortunately, the dollar to the naira exchange rate is high. I don’t know whether to thank the government or to curse them. But oh my God. 

    Beyond the financial aspect, I’m also not on the same level skill-wise as I was last year. Global exposure has sharpened my skill. Every day, I’m improving my craft. 

    I’m grateful to be able to provide for myself and my family, but I’m scared that Nigeria can unravel the false safety I feel at any point. I’m comfortable here, but there’s no infrastructure. Terrible roads, no hospitals, no security. It’s scary that if anything happens to me in Nigeria, money can’t save me.

    All in all, I recognise my privilege and don’t rub it in people’s faces. The country is in shambles and doesn’t work; I’m lucky and not special. 

    But there’s only so much luck I can have, that’s why I’m also planning japa.

    FRIDAY:

    Ladies and gentlemen, the weekend is here. The best two days of the week where we’re free from the reach of capitalism. 

    I’m happy that the weekend is here for two reasons: one is that I’m not working. The other is that I finally get to set up my home gym. One of the casualties of working from home has been my stomach. Before now, I didn’t have a potbelly, but working from home has changed that. And it’s so difficult getting myself to exercise. I try to stretch but succeed at that maybe once a week. 

    When God touches my heart, I jog maybe once a month. I hate that shit so much because it’s so tasking. However, being active is now a top priority for me. It’s so easy to get lazy and die because you’re sitting down at home chasing money. 

    My health has taken a toll because of this lifestyle: I sleep at odd hours, I have a potbelly, I take supplements because I’m indoors all day, and I don’t eat healthily. I also spend a lot of time staring at a screen. 

    I hope that in a few years from now, I can break out of this freelance life. Maybe I’ll get some respite then. I hope to be the one employing freelancers or I’m in a reputable company earning internationally competitive rates regardless of where I live. Maybe if I’m still in Nigeria by then, $1 will be worth ₦1,000…

    But all that one is future thinking, I have pending problems in the present. Today, I’ve made up my mind to go and buy dumbbells and floor rolls for exercise. This will join my skipping rope and exercise mat. Little by little, my home gym is coming to life.  I must not die before I reach the future of my dreams. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • QUIZ: If You Score Above 13 On This Quiz, You Like Iyama

    This quiz is the only way to separate the clean people from the gross people.

    Try now to know where you fall.

    Tick everything that applies to you:

    [donation]
  • Club Girls Are Not Runs Girls: A Week In The Life

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a club hostess and waitress. Club hostesses help clients with reservations and carry out bottles with sparklers when people buy expensive drinks. Our subject talks about the stereotype associated with her job, balancing school and work, and some of the most expensive drinks she has served.

    FRIDAY: 

    I feel lucky that I have a job because I can’t imagine how I’d cope without one. A little back story: I’m currently living in Akure because of school and outside of classes, I have nothing to do. A typical day for me usually involves class, hostel, class, hostel, rinse and repeat. 

    With a job in the mix, I’m happy there’s finally some variety: class, hostel, work, rinse and repeat. Keeping a job as a student requires constant moving around of my schedule. Some days, I go from work to class. On other days, it’s from class to work. 

    Today, I’m going from the lab to work. School ends at 4 p.m., and I have to prepare for work at 6 p.m. The club officially opens at 9:30 p.m. but resumption time is 6 p.m. 

    I work as a hostess in a club and I like to call it waitressing pro-max — if such a name exists. 

    My job is to go to work, be on my best behaviour, look beautiful, put on a smile and welcome customers. It’s also my job to show them to their table and make them comfortable. On nights where we have a full house, I also substitute as a waitress and help serve drinks.   

    The part of my job I love the most is seeing people buy expensive drinks, hey Jesus! Dorime things.  When I’m hyping the person popping drinks by dancing and carrying lights, I’m constantly reminding myself that if the drink falls, I’m finished. Some of these drinks cost more than my annual salary. I haven’t gotten used to seeing people casually spend millions of naira on alcohol in one night. 

    But, I try not to visibly show my shock because the show must go on. 

    School is currently in session, so my work schedule has changed from every day to only Friday to Sunday. From 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. Although, I still find myself working during the week because work is fun and my co-workers feel like family.  

    SATURDAY:

    Midnight of Friday/Saturday morning:

    I resumed work at 6 p.m. yesterday. I barely made it to work on time because I overslept when I got to the hostel. It took the grace of God for me to jump up when I did and I rushed to work. 

    The first thing I did at work was to eat the cereal I packed. Next, I started making reservations for guests coming later at night when we fully opened. At some point, I helped the barman take inventory and plan the drinks for the night. When I was tired, I went to a restaurant in the same building as the club to chill. 

    At 9 p.m., I went to change. I was torn between a red dress with a thigh slit and a plain black round neck shirt. I almost chose the red dress, but I remembered that the last time I wore it, a man pointed at my nipple, another slapped my butt and one couldn’t stop staring at my breasts — even though they aren’t that big. And so, the plain black round neck won. 

    3 a.m.

    I’ve been by the door welcoming guests all night. In that time, I and the other hostesses have danced up to five times for people popping drinks. I’ve also worn a mask to hide my face during those five times because I’m shy. 

    In this same night, I’ve also gotten offers from people who say they want to fuck me. One even offered to triple my monthly salary if I go home with him. Wonders shall never end. 

    4:00 a.m. 

    The alcohol has finally kicked in. The DJ’s playlist is fire. People have stopped coming in and now I’m catching my own fun.

    5:00 a.m. 

    I’m not doing again. I’m tired. These people should come and be going home. 

    6:00 a.m.

    God. These people are still here dancing and partying. Don’t they want us to go home? Are they not tired? I’m tired. 

    I miss my bed. 

    7:00 a.m. 

    Finally, the last customer just left. Thank you, Jesus! 

    Noon

    Nobody can separate me from this bed. Not food, not water, not even phone calls. I want to sleep till tomorrow if I can. 

    5 p.m.

    I can’t believe I have to get up for work. This adulthood is very somehow because someone can’t even relax. Just work every day until you die. 

    SUNDAY:

    Midnight of Saturday/Sunday morning

    Tonight has been uneventful. People are coming in much slower than usual and the energy on the dance floor is off. With the kind of evening I had when I got to work, I’m glad things are slow now. 

    For the longest time, I’ve suspected that people view so-called “club girls” differently. However, today’s incident proved me right. 

    The owner of the club I work in owns a hotel within the building our office is in, and I chill at the hotel’s bar and restaurant all the time. Yesterday, [male] friends from my school came to lodge in our hotel. That’s how I went to say hi to them because these are friends I had before starting this job. 

    As I was leaving their room to start work, I heard someone say, “she has gone to do the job they hired her for. The job of fucking customers.”

    My heart dropped, my palms and face were covered in sweat, and I was speechless. 

    It’s somehow when people just stereotype you. Club girl doesn’t mean she fucks around. Club girl doesn’t mean she’s for sale or wants your money. Club girl doesn’t mean she’s not a person; she’s a human being too.  

    Last last this work is not for everyone because if you don’t have sense they’ll run you streets. 

    3 a.m.

    The last customer just left, so we’re done for the day. However, according to our contract, we can’t leave until 6:00 a.m. Everyone is either sleeping or about to sleep. I can’t because my body is already used to sleeping during the day.

    To pass time, I try to match drinks to their prices. We have:

    Hennessy Paradis. We sell for ₦1M and people buy it like pure water. 

    Azul costs ₦400k and is decent. 

    — Ace of Spades is ₦450k. 

    Hennessy xo is ₦350k. Same price as Remy XO. Dom Perignon is around ₦300 – ₦350k too. 

    Don Julio is ₦400k. 

    — Then we have the Moet family which costs ₦65k. This is in the same category as Hennessy VSOP. 

    — We sell Glenfiddich between ₦65 – ₦85k too.  

    — Our Ciroc goes for ₦45,000

    There’s a drink for everybody. 

    6:00 a.m.

    Finally, my watch has ended. I’m going home to sleep all day. I’m grateful that my colleagues told me to go home while they stayed back to balance the account and clean up. 

    MONDAY:

    6:00 a.m.

    The only thing powering me this morning is energy drinks. Last night was so busy that you’ll never have imagined that the next day was Monday. Customers were everywhere, so I barely had time to rest. To make things worse, my first class starts at 8:00 a.m. today and attendance is compulsory. 

    I have to do everything in my power to not touch my bed. Anything that makes me lie down small, that’s the end. I’m gone. I just need to manage till 2 p.m. when school ends for today. I don’t know how I’ll survive the lectures, but the first step is getting to school in one piece. 

    It’ll soon be a year since I started doing this job. It’s funny how this job started as a way to keep busy and earn passive income after the lockdown was eased, and school was still closed. Now, it’s something I’ve come to enjoy. Beyond that, I’m really grateful I have a job I enjoy that occupies my time. 

    As a student, there’s no greater feeling than knowing I have my own money. I don’t depend on anyone for anything: I see something, I like it, and I save for it. Apart from the occasional harassment, this is a job I enjoy doing. 

    I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I had nothing to do.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • QUIZ: Sorry, If You’re Under 25 There’s No Way You Can Pass This Object Quiz

    This quiz will either trigger nostalgia or make you realize how old you are. Which will it be?

    Take the quiz below to find out:

  • A Miraculous Week in the Life of a Nigerian Olympian

    A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is Enoch Adegoke. He’s a track athlete who represented Nigeria at the Tokyo Olympics. He tells us about the challenges of being an athlete in Nigeria, how Nigerian athletes make money and why he’s trusting God for his future.

    Tokyo Olympics

    MONDAY:

    I have trouble staying asleep. On some level, my body still thinks I’m in Nigeria even though I’ve been in Tokyo for a week plus. That’s why I’m up by 5:00 a.m. today. A typical day involves waking up at 5 or 6 a.m., doing my morning devotion, having breakfast, then leaving for training at 10 a.m. Training usually ends at 1 or 2 p.m. and I return to the athlete’s hostel to rest.

    However, today is different. It’s a struggle to get out of bed. My body just wants to sleep, but I remind myself that I’m not here to play. I push myself up. 

    In the one week that I’ve spent here, I’ve met athletes from different countries, and one thing that strikes me is that most athletes are supported by either a sports brand or their country.

    In the last race I qualified for, I noticed I was the only person on the track without support from Nike, Puma or any other big brand. For me, outside of a little support here and there, I’m mostly on my own in this competition.

    Tokyo Olynpics



    In fact, I know say na God hand I dey

    On some level, I know that we’re all equal; at least on paper. That is, we’re all Olympians who qualified for the Olympics final. Now it’s up to each of us to bring out what’s inside us on the track. 

    Some people will see others with a lot of support and feel bad, but I don’t. I look on the bright side. I’m here at the Olympics, the greatest stage in the world, and if nothing, I’ll market my name and brand. I mean, it’ll be nice for someone to sponsor me so I can focus fully on training and my form, but what can I do?

    In between thinking of money and pressure from home because they sent me to school yet I’m running up and down, it’s not been easy. But all glory be to God. 

    I’m working very hard because, in Nigeria, no one recognizes you until you make it to the top. With that in mind, I stand up, pray to God and commit the rest of my day in his hands. He has brought me this far and he can’t fail me. Not now. 


    TUESDAY:

    On the bus to training today, I’m thinking about my journey. It’s unbelievable that I once prayed to be here today.

    This journey started from my days running for my school team in O.A.U. I’d go from hostel to training to class. Sometimes, training would even take out of class time. I remember running to class after training just to mark attendance or sleep off in the class. On some days, my body would give up and I’d just go to the hostel to sleep. 

    Occasionally, I’d leave school to try out for the national team or represent Nigeria, and it was on me to make it work. Even when the school gave exeat, I still had to manage my tests and exams — after all, I’m the one who wanted a career beyond university. 

    I missed a lot of classes and exams then. I had an experience with a lecturer who said even though I was excused from classes, I didn’t make attendance, and there was nothing he could do. I ended up having a carryover that semester.

    Looking back, a lot of the reason I scaled through school was because of God’s grace and crash reading. It was so difficult combining training, classes and other activities. I don’t even know how I coped. That I’m here today is not even by my power. There are a lot of people who have invested in my journey. From my family and friends to my coach, to everyone who has wished me well. It’s a double miracle because, for the first time in 25 years, Nigeria is in a track event final. And also, at my first Olympics outing, I qualified for the finals.

    I’m hoping that when I run on Thursday I can make everyone proud.  

    WEDNESDAY:

    There are two ways to make money as an athlete. You either represent Nigeria in competitions and save all your allowances or you get a side job. 

    The first option is not sustainable because injuries are a part of an athlete’s life. That’s why sponsorship is supposed to be there to help your finances so you can focus on recovery. But this is Nigeria and nobody is sponsoring track athletes so we’re working round the clock. You’re injured and you’re thinking about where you’ll get money to pay rent or pay for training gear. 

    If you’re not injured and you don’t qualify to represent Nigeria, you’ll have to find a side job. When you’re supposed to be resting and preparing for a comeback, you’ll have to find physical labour to do. As an athlete, you’re always thinking about money — even when you’re supposed to be resting. 


    The truth is that combining side hustles with athletics is very hard. It’s a necessary evil though because when you tell people you’re broke and you’re a runner, they immediately tag you as unserious.  Only a few people understand the importance of sports in Nigeria.

    I remember when I got into debt because of some investments that crashed. Omo, it took grace for me not to break down. At some point, I even started to doubt myself because all I could think of was the money I lost. To worsen things, I had not yet met up to the Olympic standards yet so I had other worries on my mind. 

    Nigerian Olympian

    Thankfully, God used the Edo state government and the minister of sport to make things a bit easy for me. However, I’m still not completely clear. I still need some money so I can reinvest back into training. But I can’t be thinking of all that today. I have a big day tomorrow.

    My plan today is simple: eat, train, pray and sleep. Tomorrow we make history by the special grace of God. 

    THURSDAY:

    Omo. Today was devastating for me. 


    One minute I was in the race, the next, I had pulled my hamstring and that was it. Over. Just like that.

    I cried inside. I kept asking why this happened now? At the finals of all places. The medical team examined me and on my way to camp I kept on consoling myself. I didn’t brood for too long because I know God understands better.

    I know the best will come out of what has happened.  As someone who has a personal fellowship with God, I recognise the importance of putting God in anything I do. After all, it’s still God and my training that brought me this far.

    My consolation is that for a minute I gave hope to Nigerians. I felt proud hearing people call my name all over the internet. At least, some people know that there’s one Enoch Adegoke, from O.A.U, that represented Nigeria in the track finals.

    It’s not much but it’s comforting. I only pray that this Olympics opens more doors beyond this competition.

    FRIDAY:

    “MRI scan, hamstring injury, rehabilitation, physiotherapist” — these are some of the words I’ve been hearing today.

    I started rehabilitation with the Nigerian medical team. They’ve been trying their best and that’s comforting. It also helps that the minister of sports promised that the government would take care of our medical bills. I’m trusting God that they’ll fulfil their promise. 

    It’s still one step at a time to recovery. I’m supposed to eat certain types of food on my recovery journey, but as I don’t have a nutritionist, I’m on my own. I’ll Google what I can and for the rest, I can’t kill myself. 

    2021 started with me being unsure about everything. But I prayed earnestly and didn’t allow doubt to stop me. All through my training for the Olympics, one thing was always on my mind: I’ll meet up with the standard for the competition. 

    It’s the same way I’m praying and believing my recovery will be smooth. 

    The future is bright. If I was able to come this far without a lot of support, I know I can do more with it. I have back to back games from 2022 – 2025 and I’m positive that with the right push I can win medals and attract a lot of goodwill. 

    I want to change the orientation of sports in Nigeria through my craft. People need to pay attention to other sports outside of football. 

    If I was in a different country, I know things would be different now. I feel like I’ve gotten marketed during the Olympics but I’m holding my breath for what comes next. I have no answer. 

    All I can do is trust God that one way or the other, I’ll find favour.


    Editor’s note: Enoch represented Nigeria at the track Olympics final, Nigeria’s first in 25 years.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week in the Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill out this form.

  • “Security Na Human Being” — A Week in the Life of a Security Guard

    A Week in the Life is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a security guard. He talks about being intimidated because of his job, forfeiting 50% of his salary to security companies and spending all his time at work. He also talks about his plans to escape it all.

    MONDAY:

    The first thing to do when I wake up na to thank my God because I no know wetin happen for night. And things dey occur. After thanking God for protection, all other things follow — bath, brush and toilet. By 6 a.m. sharp, I don pull boots to wear and my day begins. 

    I work one week on and one week off.  The week I’m on duty, like today, I run 24-hour shifts. This morning, the first thing I do is to walk around the compound to clear sleep from my eyes. In this job, I only get to sleep at night but last night was rough.

    Our small and tight security room with only one window was hot like an oven because NEPA took light. As a result, I had to carry my mosquito net and bed outside to sleep under fresh breeze. But it started to rain so I couldn’t sleep because there was no cover. Between the hot room and cold outside with nowhere to stay, I ended up not sleeping and pressed my phone from midnight till around 5 a.m. 

    This job is taxing [on the body] because even on a day like this, I still can’t afford to rest. I still have to be at constant alert: I have to open the gate for visitors, receive packages and ensure visitors are who they say they are. 

    I will try my best today but there’s only so much I can do with little sleep. One day, I’ll talk about the problem with this job where you can’t do anything else apart from it. I’ll also talk about the not so great pay.

    But today is not the day. Today is for surviving the day on minimum sleep. 

    TUESDAY:

    Today is better than yesterday.  At least, I slept without any disturbance last night. Even though it wasn’t deep sleep, because I was waking up to patrol every one hour, I still feel relaxed. 

    Today I’m looking back at how far I’ve come. I initially started life as a waiter in a big hotel in Lekki. Although the salary was small, I used to make at least two times my salary from tips and service charges before the end of the month. Unfortunately, due to some things that happened on the job, I got fired. 

    After that, I went to a sack production company. I started as a loom operator and then moved to become head loom manager. From there I moved to the quality control department. As I was enjoying my new career, the company folded and we were all sent home. 

    So that I’ll not just be at home sitting down idle, I decided to pursue security work while searching for jobs. It is going to be two years now since I made that decision. 

    I don’t mind the job because I find that security work is all about intelligence and using your head. It’s also not hard because we didn’t bring the job from heaven; we learned it here. Apart from the basics like checking surroundings, etc we didn’t cover a lot of new things during security training. Additionally, as a contract security personnel, I wasn’t taught about arms because I’m not allowed to carry them. 

    God forbid bad thing but if armed robbers attack now, as contract security, my job is to hide, take my phone and call the police. Because of this, I’m always reminding myself to use my senses on this job. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    It’s intimidating being a security man in Nigeria because most people assume you’re done for. They think because you’re wearing a uniform you can’t ever make it in life. The wiser ones among them understand that it’s Nigeria of today that’s pushing some of us to do the job. But the majority of people, you’ll greet them and they’ll reply with their nose. Nothing spoil. God is upstairs and he’ll answer our prayers one day. 

    I’m at work today thinking about how my current company has good people. This is the first place I’ve worked where people don’t look down on security people. Everyone here is a guy-man. But me, I still don’t pass my boundaries. I’ve learned to read body language and facial expressions to use in determining when to greet or when to keep quiet. 

    I’ve never been molested or insulted and I want to keep it that way. There’s no one to report to if anything happens with the client. Is it the security company that will save me? 

    The same company that told us that the customer is always right and the best we can do is record any incident in our logbook pending when a supervisor comes around. And God knows the company will always support the client because that’s where they’re seeing money. Is it the same company that collects ₦50,000 from clients and pays security people ₦25,000 that’ll protect us? 

    I can stand every aspect of this job but you see that poor pay? I hate it. By the 18th, 19th of every month, I’ve exhausted my money and I’m struggling to meet up. I think my situation is even worse because I’m a family man and many people are depending on the small money. 

    I’ll not lie to you, this work is somehow. I love the people I work with but I dislike the job. 

    THURSDAY:

    This job takes and takes and takes from you with nothing in return. The most recent thing it has taken from me is my church-going habit. Because of the nature of my shifts, I don’t attend church as much as before. I’m either working or resting because I’m tired from working. As a result of this, I spend extra time thanking God this morning. I read more Bible passages and sing more worship songs. 

    I know God is still with me. Even if I don’t frequent church regularly, I know that when I call on him he’ll be there for me, especially in my days of trouble. I trust that the God I serve is in control. 

    Once I’m done praying, my day begins. 

    FRIDAY:

    This is my last shift of the week and I’m happy today. I already have plans for my week off. Every day, for three hours, I’m learning how to drive at my friend’s place. My plan is that in the next two months I’ll master driving and become a commercial driver. Someone has promised that by the special grace of God he’ll buy me a car for Uber. At least, I know that one is better than a security job. 

    I won’t mind if I can even go from ₦30,000 a month to ₦80,000 — that’s still something. If that happens, I can even bring my wife and my boy to Lagos. Since I started this security job I haven’t been able to rent a house so I sent them to Benin to stay with my mum. Every month, from the little I earn, I try to send them upkeep but it’s never enough. 

    It’s been two years — since May 2019 — since I saw them last. I miss them so badly but I can’t bring them to suffer here with me in Lagos. This is July, the plan is that if everything goes well, I’ll bring them to Lagos by January 2022. I want us to be one big happy family again. 

    I know God is in control so I’m not too bothered. I’ve done many things before now and I’m not afraid to try new things. However, this job has taught me something: Security na human being. They no just fall from heaven and most of them, na condition make them do the work. More people should treat us like human beings. Sometimes, the insult we receive adds to our problem. It can be very painful when someone looks at you from up to toe and just concludes that you can never make it. It’s unfair. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • The Cupping Therapist Who Believes In Modern Medicine: A Week In The Life

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a cupping therapist. Cupping is a form of alternative medicine practice that involves making painless cuts on the skin to remove toxins. Our subject talks about the health benefits of cupping, why she enjoys her job and how she combines alternative and modern medicine. 

    MONDAY:

    I’ve been awake for about 30 minutes now, trying to prepare for Tahajjud. My day starts at 4:30 a.m. every day, and I pray from dawn till the first traces of morning light. 

    Once I’m up, I rarely go back to sleep unless I’m really tired. But today is trying to prove me wrong. It takes all my energy to remain awake. 

    My days are relatively flexible. Sometimes, work starts as early as 8 a.m., other times, it starts by 3 p.m. My schedule depends on whether I have classes for the day or not. As a master’s student at Unilag, I try to balance work and school so I don’t lose out on any. If I have classes in the morning, I’ll work in the evening, and if classes are in the evening, I work in the morning. 

    It’s not a perfect system but I try. 

    I love my job, okay? I don’t make all the money in the world but it gives me a lot of satisfaction because I get to help people. 

    I’m a cupping therapist who treats people using cupping therapy. Cupping is an ancient form of alternative medicine where therapists put special cups on the skin to create suction. The suction lifts the skin tissues and improves blood flow to other parts of the body. In places where the body tissue is stressed or constricted, it provides relief and keeps the body relaxed.  I guess you could say it’s like a deep tissue massage, but more magical. 

    Cupping is a treatment that constantly amazes even the practitioners. However, we all agree that it’s a simple procedure with great results. 

    A perfect example of great results: I’ve had patients with severe back pain come in, schedule a consultation, receive treatment and get better. The next day, I’ll wake up to long epistles thanking me for solving their problem and giving them peace. 

    A typical session lasts between 30-40 mins and involves a lot of standing, disinfecting and massaging — all of which are stressful. However, seeing people get better makes it worth it. On most days, I go home aching, tired, but happy. 

    Today is shaping up to be one of those days. My lectures start in the afternoon, so I have appointments scheduled from 9 a.m. till afternoon. 

    I’m standing up to pray because it’s 4:40 a.m. and the time for Tahajjud is slowly slipping away. Prayer is important because at the end of the day, no matter what I do, it’s still Allah’s blessings that make everything work. 

    TUESDAY:

    Today was difficult because I’m still recovering from yesterday’s sessions. I had a slow day, and the highlight was explaining the various types of cupping methods to a new client. 

    There are several methods, but I mostly focus on dry, wet and massage cupping. 

    Dry cupping involves applying cups to form suctions on certain parts of the body, after which the suctions are released. In massage cupping, the cups are used to massage a person’s body and this goes a long way in helping with blood flow and reducing pain and inflammation in the body.

    Wet cupping, also known as Hijama, is my forte. For this, surgical blades are used to create superficial, painless incisions on the skin to remove toxins from the body.  After this, special suction cups are placed on the skin and toxic blood is allowed to accumulate where the cups are placed. Body sites for these “cuts” range from behind the neck to the shoulder to the back. These sites work for boosting immunity, treating ulcers, relieving back pain, etc. 

           Image source: Google

    As cupping therapists, we have points in the body we don’t touch. We avoid places containing veins, such as the inner arm. We also avoid working on some parts of the face and head.

    After explaining all this, I ended my speech by telling my patient that if done well, cupping leaves no marks and is less painful than a pinch.

    WEDNESDAY:

    The first thing I do when a patient approaches me is a consultation session. This helps with two things: to either recommend the person to a doctor or to understand what might be wrong with them. Sometimes it’s issues they’re not aware of and during these consultations, they bring them up. 

    For example, a patient complaining of migraines may reveal that they don’t eat or sleep well. So better sleep and diet could be a solution instead of cupping. In other instances, the problems are psychological and all the patient needs is a heart to heart conversation. I always tell my patients that without attending to other factors, cupping will not solve anything.

    Today, a patient approached me for cupping saying they had symptoms they thought might be malaria. I told them not to “think” and to consult their doctors first for a diagnosis. After the results, they were then free to choose their preferred treatment approach.

    No diagnosis, no cupping. 

    THURSDAY:

    The best part of my job is that I get to meet different people. As someone who is a people person, connecting with my clients gives me joy.  The next best part is I get to help women. Women are delicate and go through a lot. We endure a lot of pain and consider it as “part of our lives.” It’s not. I want women to live happier and better lives, and I don’t think this is too much to ask.

    As a Muslim woman who can’t touch men, a lot of my practice is women-focused. And because women endure a lot of pain due to hormones, I’m always looking for ways to help them live pain-free lives.

    Today, I’m thinking about getting more education to fulfil this dream. My goal is to become a naturopath — I want to learn acupuncture, hydrotherapy, fire therapy and any important therapy women need. 

    I’ll then use this knowledge to run a  clinic where women can get treatment using the natural medicine approach. My goal is to remove barriers like menstrual cramps that prevent women from living their best lives. 


    Editor’s note: Zikoko doesn’t give medical advice and only seeks to tell diverse stories. You should always consult a physician first.

    In addition to being a cupping therapist, the subject of today’s “AWITL” is also a pelvic steaming expert who helps women relieve menstrual cramps. She can be reached here.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • Manager by Day, Sugar Baby at Night: A Week in the Life

    A Week in the Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week in the Life” is a manager at a cosmetic store. When she’s not making sure her office doesn’t burn, she’s also a sugar girl. She tells us about how money challenges morals, the benefits of her job, and why she cherishes her independence.

    MONDAY:

    I’m lucky I live five minutes away from work because it means I can wake up by 7:45 a.m. and still resume at 8:00 a.m. Every morning I stand up from bed is a war against Nigeria, a war against my village people, and war, most especially, against the side of me that just wants to relax and be taken care of. But we move. 

    During the day, I work as a manager in a cosmetics store on the island. At every other time, I work as the minister of enjoyment, aka someone’s baby. 

    I’m doing manager’s work today. 

    I work alternate days and run full-day shifts from 8:00 a.m. till 9:00 p.m. Although, I find myself staying back these days till 10:00 p.m. or 10:30 p.m. As the manager, I have to ensure that when work closes, the books are balanced and the inventory tallies. Work today was slow, but things picked up in the evening. Someone I know asked me to deliver some products to his house and at a 100% markup. I made some good money from that deal.

    I generally help high-end clients source goods. Products you can’t easily find in Nigeria, gift sets for their partners, and home services for people who don’t want to come to the store. Even though it can be stressful, I don’t mind. I determine the profit margins on each deal and it ranges between 100% – 500%, depending on my mood. Sometimes, these clients even give me “thank you” money in addition. 

    I’ve made 7 figures in one day from product sourcing alone. I felt so happy, almost as if someone pumped me with drugs. I looked at my balance and I was like, “Wait oh, na me be this. Na me take my hand do am.” I just kept my mouth shut and didn’t tell anybody. 


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    You know all those questions where they ask “if you pick ₦100 million from the floor, who will you tell?” The answer should be nobody! Keep quiet and code, because that’s what I did. Anytime I wanted to tell someone, I drank water instead. You don’t know who’s the devil out there.

    After that experience, I now believe that there’s no job I can’t do as long as it’s legal and will put money in my hands. These deals aren’t constant — you can go up to a year without getting anything — but they’re worth it when they come.

    TUESDAY:

    I like my job because it’s located in a high brow area with high-end customers who always want to see the manager. And somehow, they always want to collect my number, which I mostly refuse. Well, except this one customer. 

    One day, this unassuming man wearing a top and knickers entered the store asking to see me. He came in scared because he wasn’t sure if the creams he owned could cause cancer. I gave him tips on what to look out for and that calmed him down. He thanked me and left the store. 

    A few weeks later, this man came back looking very different. His car told me I was speaking to money, his wristwatch whispered that he was the real deal, and his neck jewellery screamed wealth.

    According to him, he came to thank me for not dying, plus he also wanted my number. I playfully told him I was selling my number at  ₦5,000 per digit. That’s how this man dropped a bundle of cash on my office table and asked me to count my money — I took  ₦50,000 and gave him my number. From that point, I started seeing men who’d “buy” my number for  ₦100,000,  ₦200,000, and even  ₦500,000. See ehn, there’s money and you just need to know where to look. And how to work on your looks. 

    If you tell these men that you want  ₦2,000,000, they’ll size you up to see if you’ve seen ₦500,000 in your life. That incident at the store changed something in me. I started to ask myself: if someone that has only seen you once gives you ₦50k to take your number, how much more will they give you when they have something with you? 

    WEDNESDAY:

     I have a confession: I’m having an affair with the unassuming man from the store. It’s embarrassing saying it loud, but let me explain. Nothing happened with this man until after five months after we started talking. Since he made it clear that he was married, I thought we’d just be friends. 

    During the first five months, he’d come to see me and we’d just gist in his car. Sometimes he’d give me $100  when I’m leaving. Other times, he’d press ₦50,000, ₦100,000 into my hands. On generous days, between $300 to $1,000. And this was purely platonic, or so I thought. Like the thief that I am, I was collecting the money not knowing that he was fattening me up. 

    One day he asked if I had any idea why he had been coming to see me, and I told him I didn’t. I hadn’t been with an older man before.

    He told me he liked and wanted me for himself. He also added that he would not disturb my relationship or marriage as he was comfortable being in the background. He then told me to think about it. 

    Omo. I thought about it and decided that if someone could spend over a million on me without seeing my pant, nobody would ever use word of mouth to enter me again. That’s how we started seeing each other. 

    I won’t lie to you, the money he gives me has been so useful. Do you know what it means for you to just stay and someone is dashing you money? Unprovoked? You can buy Ibeju land and be paying instalmentally. Bad as e bad, my life has changed.

    However, I’m not carried away. Part of the reason why I’m going to work, like today, is because I’m not foolish. I know he can wake up one day and leave. Me, I’m a hustler, so I try to make my own money. Nothing is too small. I’ll drive from island to mainland to supply products with ₦5,000 profit. Why? 

     If I miss ₦5K today, miss it tomorrow and the next, at the end of the week I don get ₦15k loss be that. If you check am, that ₦5k na my fuel money for generator. It’ll fill up my 125L keg clean. 

    I’m grateful for him in my life, but I’m not depending on only one man. I put it to you that if you find one man that’s taking care of all your bills, he’ll also be taking something from you. And let me not lie to you, the money is not constant like that. The generosity is seasonal. Some months there’s nothing and some months it’s flowing. But you know the truth? There’s no amount of money that’s ever enough. 

    THURSDAY:

    I’m off work today and I plan to sleep all day. I’m thinking about how money has a way of making you drop your morals. At some point in my life, I used to tell married men off. I’d tell them to respect themselves and their wives. But now I’m here, and you know what? I don’t feel guilty. Well, not anymore. 

    In the beginning, I did. The first time we had sex, five months after nothing had happened, I couldn’t take off my clothes. I couldn’t look him in the eye. I was that guilty. But after he assured me with words, action and credit alert, I felt more comfortable. On some level, I gauged that it’s the same unmarried sex, which is a sin, that I’ll do with my boyfriend that I’ll do with him. Abeg remove cloth. 

    If you ask people if they can date someone for financial gain, everyone will say no. But with what I know now, I’ll just keep quiet. Life has shown me to never say never. The prayer is not to see temptation that surpasses the willpower to say no. 

    FRIDAY:

    I like this man I’m seeing for several reasons, but the most important one is that he doesn’t interfere with my life. Today makes it five days since we last spoke or saw each other. And neither of us is bothered.

    He doesn’t interfere with my work or any aspect of my life. He’s just a ghost. If you go through my phone, you’ll not find any message from him. But if you visit my bank account, I will cast. You’ll see his handiwork all over there.

    Being with him is like having a side guy. Outside of when we see in person, our calls last between 30 seconds to 3 minutes. 

    But I know this won’t last forever. There’s someone in the picture with whom I’ll soon enter a proper boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, with the possibility of marriage. 

    Marriage lowkey scares me because I’m committing my life to someone’s hand. What if they’re not sensible? What if they want me to be a stay-at-home mum? It’s just too much power to give one person over my life. Even my life wey dey God’s hands, sometimes, I dey find ways to comot am. Now imagine after God, then there’s another person before me. Am I still living for myself? 


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    Nothing spoil. I’m a hustler, so I know that no matter what happens, I’ll never be stranded. My own is that nobody should please judge me for any of my choices. Let’s leave judgement to God. 

    He who’s without sin should cast a stone. If e sure for you, stone me. 


    Cover image photo by Sora Shimazaki from Pexels

    Check back for new A Week in the Life stories every first Tuesday of the month at 9 a.m. If you’d like to be featured on the series, or you know anyone interesting who fits the profile, fill out this form.

  • “Extra Money Used to Mean Chopping Life” — A Week in the Life of a Serial Entrepreneur

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is an entrepreneur running two businesses — a pharmacy and a delivery business. He talks about why he no longer considers working a 9-5, becoming more responsible as a result of entrepreneurship and how he struggles with being called “boss”.

    MONDAY:

    Come rain, come shine, I open my eyes every morning at 7 a.m. My eyes adjust to the light in the room, and I roll out of my sturdy but squeaky bed and pick up my grey coloured iPhone. 

    I manage two businesses — a logistics company and a pharmacy — but I start my day dealing with the logistics business. This means I start everyday texting: “Thanks for patronising us, you’ll get your package today.” or “Apologies for yesterday, police arrested my rider but you’ll get the package today.” 

    Today is more of the first one so I’m feeling positive about this week. By 8:05 a.m., I’m done accepting delivery orders for the day, and I make plans to leave my house. It’s time for phase two, the hardest part of being a CEO — being physically present at the office. 

    A quick bath, clean clothes, comfortable sneakers and a couple of sprays of perfume later, I’m ready for work by 8:35 a.m. It helps that my office is 5–10 minutes away from home because I resume at 9 a.m. I look through my bag to ensure that I’m not forgetting anything, and satisfied, I leave for work. 

    At work, which is where I run both businesses, I meet the pharmacy shop open. This is unsurprising because I have a full-time pharmacist, supported by sales girls, that resumes by 8:00 a.m. every day. I sit at my desk in the office, write and sort the packages to be dispatched today. After I’m done, I call in the riders, give them packages for their respective routes and wish them luck. 

    Then I turn my attention to the pharmacy. I look through the inventory, take note of out-of-stock medications, monitor drugs sold versus money made and mark the fast-moving drugs. To make my book-keeping experience smoother, I plug in music and open a carton of cold Lucozade boost to set the mood. Work can be good if you’re having fun.

    TUESDAY

    My friends call me CEO millions, but I don’t feel like I have millions. Especially on days like today when entrepreneurship is kicking my ass. The pharmacy part of my business doesn’t stress me too much, but you see that logistics/dispatch part? Run!

    I had an order to pick up and deliver yoghurt worth ₦15,000, and it ended up pouring inside the rider’s carriage box. The driver says he was careful, the client says they were careful. Yet, I, who had no part in their interaction, had to refund the yoghurt money. 

    Even with this stress, I don’t think I can do a 9-5 again, especially as a pharmacist. Imagine employers not paying the previous month’s salary until the middle of the next one? Or employers stealing medicines and blaming the employee? After my experience meeting wicked bosses in several places, I was motivated to start my own business. I guess I got tired of complaining. 

    I’m grateful for the lessons from my old jobs. Because of how I was treated, I vowed not to be an asshole. It costs nothing to treat workers well.  I’m also super proud of the fact that I pay my workers before the end of every month. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    I wake up late today so I have to rush. I haven’t sorted the dispatch orders for today. I also have to buy medicines for the pharmacy. Thankfully, my supplier is close to the office. I decide to pick the medications before getting to the office. 

    On the drive, I can’t help but think about how every business has its challenges. Using my businesses as examples, I’d say running a pharmacy is pretty straightforward. My pharmacist sits, waits for patients to come, counsels and dispenses drugs. When she’s done, she balances inventories, tallies the medicines and is on top of things. Very straightforward. 

    For logistics, you’ll first have 20 people texting you at once. What do they want? They all want their packages delivered at the same time, and that’s impossible. But you also can’t refuse the orders. So you’ll beg, plead or negotiate for a more open agreement — same-day delivery instead of promising a specific time. Sometimes, you’ll promise to deliver by 6 p.m. and you’ve still not delivered by 8 p.m. Why? Unforeseen circumstances. 

    A list of my favourite reasons: “LASTMA catch me.” “My bike chain cut.” “My tyre burst.”  “Them arrest me in Lagos for not having Ogun state sticker.” 

    It’s crazy, but we dey rough am. After a stressful day, my only consolation is when people pray for me after they receive their parcel or medication. This gingers me to give out my best every day. 

    There are bad days, but the good days outnumber them. Hopefully, today turns out good too. 

    THURSDAY:

    It’s a slow day at the pharmacy today so I have time for self-reflection. I’m thinking about how entrepreneurship changes you. It bends you in certain ways that the light of responsibility starts reflecting against your skin. At least, that’s true for me. 

    In eight months of running both businesses, I’ve seen myself become responsible for myself and others. It’s crazy that I have a combined total of nine staff on my payroll. Every day I get to work and they call me “boss,” my first instinct is to say “who?” Me too I’m winging it. But I understand that my staff look up to me, so I try to be a role model. I comport myself and try to lead by example. I don’t drink alcohol at work. I don’t slack either, and I make sure everyone sees me giving my best. That way, the culture of excellence spreads from top to bottom. 

    Even my personal life hasn’t been spared. In the past, extra money meant chopping life. These days, I’m always thinking about how I can either use it to buy another bike for my logistics business or drugs for my pharmacy. As a Nigerian businessman, you can’t spend money anyhow because the business environment is too risky. Laws can change at any time and you’ll be stranded. 

    I’m grateful to God for everything and where I am, but my God! Running a business is so difficult. 

    FRIDAY:

    There are days when we use the TGIF caption on our pictures, but today is not one of them. Today is for work and shopping for medications. Today is also for dreaming about the future and possibilities. 

    I keep asking, where does all this all lead to? My ideal answer is that I build a noble brand that’s well known across Nigeria. A brand so big people want to drop their money to invest under my franchise. 

    Another answer is that this success enables me to upgrade my nickname from CEO millions to CEO billions. And I won’t be receiving logistic orders or directly running the pharmacy — everything will be handled by a manager. 

    But, truthfully, based on where I am right now, the most realistic answer is to trust God, take one day at a time and just keep showing up. 

    From where I’m standing, that doesn’t sound like a bad plan at all. Hope for better days is all we have.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • QUIZ: How Much Of A Liar Are You?

    Do you lie regularly or are you a social liar? Don’t answer because this quiz knows all about you.

    Start here:

  • A Week In The Life Of An Orisa Priestess Trying To Guide People To Their Destiny

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is Omitonade Ifawemimo, an orisa priestess. Orisa priests/priestesses serve the function of spiritually guiding and counselling people so they can fulfil their destiny. She tells us about ways people stray from their destiny, how it can be modified, and what Yoruba indigenous religion means to her.

    MONDAY:

    I’m up before my alarm clock this morning. The light in my room is blinding and it takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust. I stagger, carefully, to the toilet. After I’m done, I begin my morning routine. 

    I start each day by praying to my ori [spiritual head], to olodumare, to my egun [ancestors], to my orisa and to my egbe [astral mates]. I lie on my bed as I supplicate to them and it takes about 30 minutes to complete. 

    After I’m done with my prayers, I prepare my kids for school. I bathe, dress and cook for them. By 7 a.m. or a few minutes past 7, we’re out of the house to meet up with 8 a.m. resumption time. On the drive to school, I engage them in conversation and try to make them laugh. One minute we’re laughing, the next, we’re in front of their school gate. 

    I hand the kids over to their school teacher and my day starts. 

    As a full-time orisa priestess, I have an office I resume to by 10 a.m. every day. My role involves saving and guiding people. Orisa priests/priestesses are not seers — that is, we don’t see the future for people. Instead, through ifa/orisa divinations, we reveal a person’s past, present and future. 

    Practitioners of orisa spirituality believe that on our journey to earth, we made use of our ori to choose our blessings [wealth, long life, accomplishment, prosperity, etc]. However, on getting to earth, we forget all we’ve chosen and do things that are taboo to our ori, which hinders our progress. The job of a priest or priestess is to use divination to guide people on the right path of their destiny. Divination reveals strengths and weaknesses and allows for a smooth journey on earth.

    Every day from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., people come to my office to see what their ori is saying about their day, week or month. Today is no exception. There are people in the lounge waiting to see me when I get to the office. After exchanging brief greetings with a couple of them, I enter my office to settle down —  then my workday truly begins.

    TUESDAY:

    In Yoruba spirituality, there are three ways we can modify human destiny. The first is through ifa/orisa divination[16 cowries]: people come to us, we divine for them and ifa/orisa reveals the problem along with a solution to us. 

    Image source: Omitonade Ifawemimo

    The second method is through sacrifice, appeasement and propitiation. After the problem has been revealed, we do certain sacrifices to solve it. The sacrifices are everyday items like fruits, food, domestic animals, etc. Anything that can be seen with the eye can be used in making this propitiation. This sacrifice is used in order to solve the person’s problem.

    Lastly, we have ifa/orisa initiation. We, orisa worshippers, have a saying: there’s nobody with a bad destiny or head, but the only hindrance is that people aren’t aware of their taboos.  They are not aware of the behaviours their ori doesn’t want, and these become stumbling blocks in the pursuit of their goals. 

    To be initiated means to get to know a person’s destiny. To know their strengths, weakness and align with their ori. This is important because we believe that everyone is born with an orisa. You can also use this knowledge in spiritual fortification because you know everything about them. All of this is used to help people become accomplished and fulfilled on earth. 

    Today, I spend a few hours at work explaining some of the functions of a priestess to curious people. 

    I also explain that in the olden days, when children were born, their parents would invite a priest/priestess to divine the child’s destiny. This would help in knowing the child’s taboo’s, strengths, weaknesses. However, a lot of people no longer have this privilege. For people who didn’t have this luxury, they can do initiation to know their destiny. 

    I also say that while priests/priestesses can divine and modify spiritual problems, we can’t interfere with physical problems. So, if someone has character problems like anger or laziness, we advise them to work on themselves and not look for spiritual solutions. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    After dropping the kids in school today, I decide to visit my friends. On the car ride, I think about how most people believe that people who practice traditional religion are uneducated or wretched, which is false. I try to change people’s perception of this and my behaviour speaks for me. Like a good traditional practitioner, I don’t preach our religion or spirituality. There’s no point telling people, especially Nigerians, Yorubas, to come back to Yoruba indigenous religion. Everyone will return to it at the end of the day because it is their roots. 

    My job is to educate people who are curious and guide those who are interested. Any original practitioner [there are imposters in the religion] is tolerant of other people’s beliefs and opinions. 

    In fact, we don’t say because people practice other religions we won’t help them. And even after helping them, we don’t force anyone to convert to our belief. Our own is for you to see the solution to what’s bothering you.  

     
    THURSDAY:

    No work for me today. Why? Because body no be firewood. I’m going to spend my day resting and enjoying some peace and quiet. I’ve dropped the kids at school. I’ve cooked rice, fried plantain and boiled stew. I also have a cold Pepsi in the fridge to step it down with. The best part? I have the house all to myself, at least, until 4 p.m. when I go to pick the kids from school. Until then, I’m going to enjoy my alone time to the fullest.  


    FRIDAY:

    Today, someone asked me about the hardest part of my job. I told him two things: firstly, it’s not a job, it’s a calling — it’s passion. Secondly, there’s no hard part. Some aspects are just easier than the others. 

    My role involves finding lost souls and guiding them back to their roots to learn about themselves. I’m happy social media is helping with more awareness. People are reading stuff that’s making them curious and ask questions. I’ve also been using my platform to enlighten pẹople about traditional religion.

    I’ve also used my platform to correct misconceptions that we worship idols. We don’t. Olodumare proves its existence through nature by giving us water, plant, wind, thunder and lighting, sunlight. And orisas are in charge of these things. Sango is in charge of thunder and lighting. Osun, Yemoja, Olokun, Olosa are in charge of water. Ogun is in charge of iron and technology. In respect of these orisas and the work they do, we have icons and not idols. 

    Image source: Omitonade Ifawemimo

    These things people call idols are used to beautify the shrine and not what is being called upon. Think about it as art to beautify your home. Can we call artwork idol worshipping? This is what I try to educate and enlighten people about on social media. I’m thankful to Olodumare because it’s not by my power. It’s just what works for me. 

    It is passion and bose ma je niyen [that’s how it will be].


    [Editor’s note: some part of this post has been updated. We initially wrote that destiny couldn’t be stolen via sexual intercourse but the subject says it’s rare, but not impossible.]

    You should read this next. Why? An Ifa priest tells us what it’s like being the youngest chief priest and the stigmatization of traditional religions in Nigeria.

    People Are Afraid Of What They Don’t Understand — Man Like Osunniyi

    People Are Afraid Of What They Don't Understand — Man Like Osunniyi | Zikoko !

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • QUIZ: How Much Money Can You Win On An “Ajepako”—Themed “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”

    If you grew up Ajepako, then this “who wants to be a millionaire” quiz should be a breeze for you.

    Start here:


    Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

    QUIZ: Can You Answer Everything Aroma Ufodike Did To Win N10 Million?


    Image source for popular game: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Tinko_tinko_01.jpg

    Author: Emmanuelokigbo2001

  • Quiz: How Desperate Are You To Japa?

    If you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria, how ready are you to leave the country?

    This quiz knows the answer:

  • A Week In The Life: Medical Student By Day, Executive Assistant At Night

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    Today’s subject is a 22-year old combining two tedious roles as a medical student and an executive assistant.  She talks about the requirements of each role, her supportive boss and how she tweaks her schedule to accommodate everything. 

    MONDAY:

    I wake up at 6:30 a.m. every day, but that doesn’t happen today. After sleeping through four alarms, my roommate has to step in where the machines have failed. She taps the bed gently while calling out my name. I reluctantly open my eyes and take in our small room. There’s a ceiling fan rotating idly over my head, the metal on the double bunk beds have gotten a fresh coat of paint, and the rug has seen better times. “I’m up,” I say to her. 

    The first thing I do is to try to hustle bathroom space. As a student in a public university, the greatest struggle is having a germ-free bath. And that’s why wide-eyed, early in the day, I run to beat the soon-to-be-great-bathroom-rush of the girl’s hostel. 

    Thankfully, I come back to my room cleaner than I left. Then my day truly starts.

    As a medical student, my day takes different turns. Sometimes, I have classes in the morning. At other times, it’s reviewing patients and presenting the findings to a consultant. Or, attending clinics and watching senior doctors in action to gain hands-on experience. Depending on the posting I’m in, it can be a combination of all three. This morning, I have online classes. At 8 a.m. I open my laptop and sign in for lectures. 

    It takes all my willpower to stay awake during the lectures, and I’m super grateful when my last class ends by 3 p.m. I close my laptop and contemplate what to eat for lunch. Midway through my thinking, I decide that sleep is better than food. I put on a funny show on Netflix, draw my curtains, settle under my duvet and wait for sleep to come. 


    TUESDAY:

    I feel like I have two identities. The first is a medical student which encompasses all I do — school, writing, research and making my parents proud. Then my other [paid] job as an executive assistant [E.A] where I plan, schedule and organise. They’re both demanding, and I don’t know how I combine them seeing as I have only 24 hours in a day. 

    Being a student is the “easy” part because there’s a fixed schedule. But the second job? I’m always twisting and tweaking my calendar: work after classes, work during classes, work on weekends, work before classes. I like to say I go from work [school] to work-work [E.A]. 

    Because I slept in yesterday, I’m starting my E.A job before school today. My boss, an entrepreneur, is trying to get into a new field, so I’m researching it. I know I can’t finish before lectures start, and I plan to take notes, listen in class while continuing my research. Once I’m done, I’ll schedule a few meetings and create content for social media. Then I’ll be free to focus on my lectures for the day. 

    On some level, I keep wondering how long I can sustain my second identity. The only reason I’ve been able to combine work and school is that the school hasn’t resumed clinical classes — ward rounds. Once that starts,  I won’t get back until 12 a.m. or 1 a.m., and I’ll be too exhausted to do work-work. As much as I enjoy work and the financial independence it brings, medicine is still my first love. I’m still unsure if I want to write briefs and concept notes as a full-time career. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    I like work-work for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my boss is a great human being. Even though she’s almost three times my age, she respects me. She listens to my opinions, asks for my input and she’s never bossy. It also feels good to be trusted with high-level stuff despite my age. Maybe because I’m Nigerian, being treated with respect by an older person is a big deal to me. After my experience with other types of employers, my boss is an angel. 

    The learning curve is another reason I like this job. I’m constantly reading interesting things. In one year, I’ve learned enough to talk about types of VC funding, angel investing and how to support entrepreneurs. It’s mind-blowing how much I now understand that entrepreneurship is the lifeline of a lot of countries. But, I’m still a 9-5 babe, thank you very much. 

    The real icing on the cake is that the relationship with my boss has progressed to mentorship. I’m constantly learning from her and sounding ideas off her. And she has been very gracious with her time and support. 

    Today, on a work call to check in on progress, she kept asking about my welfare and school. We ended up talking about me and the importance of school above everything else. It felt good to be treated like a human being by an older adult.

    THURSDAY:

    The best part about having a job as a student is financial independence. My E.A job pays me well enough to not ask my parents for money. I don’t remember the last time I collected money from them. Even though they know my salary, they still insist on sending me money. 

    I appreciate my parent’s love and support, but I don’t want to be a burden on them. They’ve never said I’m a burden, so it’s weird that I feel that way. On some level, I think it’s because I know the sacrifices they made to see me through an expensive secondary school. Now, I just want them to spend on themselves and plan for their retirement. Ever since Nigeria hit that 2016 recession, I’m no longer sure they have a retirement fund. Things have gotten so hard that I wonder how my parents have managed to keep me afloat. Earning an income means they can focus on themselves for once in their lives. But they still feel I’m their responsibility. I guess being a parent is to be forever responsible for your kids no matter how old they turn. 

    I’ll just have to get used to it. Just the same way I’ve gotten used to my dad sending me money randomly, like today, no matter how much I refuse. I plan to call to thank him. 

    FRIDAY:

    I have been winging school so far. I find time to read when I can because I don’t schedule studying. Mostly, I study close to an exam or test. If I have an assessment on Friday, I’ll start reading on Wednesday. Other times, I’ll join study groups for revisions or just listen in class. 

    I know that as I approach my final year, things are going to get difficult. But I’m going to try my best to hold out for as long as I can. If push comes to shove, medicine is the most important thing to me, and my boss supports this. Thankfully, the skills from this job are transferable to any field, including medicine. I know that no matter how things turn out, this is an experience I’ll always cherish. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • Quiz: Only Millennials Can Score 9/11 On This Supa Strikas Trivia

    If you grew up in the 90s/early 2000s, you must have read Supa Strikas.

    Supa Strikas



    Well, here’s a fun quiz to remind you of way simpler times. How do you think you’ll perform?

    Try here:

  • Travelling Abroad Made Me Realise Sickle Cell Wasn’t My Fault

    As told to Hassan


    Let me tell you how it started. I woke up one morning in 1999 and my eyes were itchy. The more I rubbed, the more painful they got. When I eventually stopped rubbing, whitish-yellow fluid stuck to my fingers. Pus. It was supposed to be one of those mornings I ate cornflakes and watched cartoons; instead, I was wide awake, running to my parent’s room. 

    My parents panicked. One minute, I was showing them my eyes, the next, we were at the hospital. I don’t remember the drive. After some eye tests, we were told my eyes were jaundiced, and I needed to do more tests. One blood test later, I was given a sickle cell diagnosis. I was four. 

    My first thought was “what’s that?” I turned to my dad to ask, but his pupils were distant, lost in thought. And while I don’t recall what my mum was doing, I’m sure she must have been praying, hands clasped, eyes closed. 

    My story had started without me realising it. I would slowly come to understand that my life had changed. At first, all I had to do was be careful. But then I attended a birthday party, and because I wanted to feel “normal,” I ended up dancing until I landed in the hospital. 

    That birthday incident changed everything. 

    The first thing to go was my freedom. I now had rules: no playing in the rain, check. No swimming, check. No birthday parties, double-check. My childhood became a recurring theme of sitting out activities. 

    In the rare event that I was invited out, my friends would spend the entire day worrying about me. I was never able to enjoy those outings. 

    This continued until I got into university. As a child, my family took turns taking care of me. But in school, there was nobody to do that for me. I had to look out for myself, in addition to the tedious school work. 

    There is nothing more stressful than living with sickle cell as a Nigerian student. For non-sickle cell people, uni stress was just uni stress. For me, uni stress meant hospital visits, missed tests and exams. In some cases, I had to write exams from the hospital bed.

    Keeping friends was also a private hell. My friends would say, “Precious, do you think you should come out with us tonight, because of your health?” All I heard was “You’re going to slow us down”, “We’re not going to have fun because of you”, “You’ll land in the hospital.”

    Dating was another thing entirely. I’d meet the most interesting people, and the moment I disclosed my condition, I’d get long messages saying: “I think you’re amazing, but I don’t think I can handle this.” 

    The messages broke me and made me blame myself. Then I travelled to the UK for my masters in 2018. 

    The care I received changed my perspective. During hospital visits in Nigeria, health professionals would say, “Weren’t you here last month?” or “See you soon.” I would feel guilty and apologise every time I fell sick. In the UK, health professionals would remind me that I had no control over my health. At some point, they asked if I fully understood my diagnosis. They “educated” me about sickle cell, but more importantly, they made me feel seen by really listening to me. 

    I started to live more freely. I went out if I wanted to. My motto changed from “if I fall sick, I’ll ruin people’s plans” to “if I fall sick, I’ll go to the hospital.” 

    I enjoyed this freedom until I returned to Nigeria. There was a clash between my old identity and my newly-won identity. I had gone from the shielded child to someone comfortable expressing herself. I no longer saw myself as a sick person who couldn’t have fun. This led to friction between me and family members unwilling to understand and respect the new me.

    At this point, it had been more than 15 years since my first sickle cell diagnosis. There was a new Precious. Someone who spoke out against insensitive religious people, people who told me to pray away my sickness or that children of God didn’t fall ill. Or the ones who told me to just declare the word of God: as if it were that easy. 

    For a while, these comments almost made me feel less of a Christian, like my faith was not strong enough. I went from being a religious person to resenting the church. I started to despise the so-called religious Christians. 

    Another set of people believed I was exaggerating the pain. They expected me to be used to it by now. Their insensitivity annoys me, but that’s a story for another day. 

    https://twitter.com/bmtforpreshgaza/status/1403037416571772932?s=19

    I’m choosing to focus on the positives, like making quality friends. Friends who have an unspoken rule: “When Precious is in the hospital, we’ll take turns looking after her. No questions asked.” Friends like Salem King, aka chief caretaker, who says, “Precious, you’re not a burden.” Friends who make my journey feel less lonely by showing up for me. 

    My journey has been bittersweet. Living with sickle cell has given and taken from me. For someone who didn’t start making friends early, I now have the most amazing friends in the world. 

    When you come from a large family [six siblings] like mine, you crave independence quickly. This need is heightened if you’re the only one living with a long term condition. You grow up angry. Angry that your family members don’t understand you. Angry that no one stands up for you. Angry about your search for miracles from one church to the other. Angry that despite everything, you still need your family’s help. 

    Living with a chronic illness means I can’t refuse help from people no matter how independent I get. I teach emotional intelligence for a fee, and the fee pays for my drugs and a few hospital bills. Still, there are things I can’t do on my own. I can’t drive myself to the hospital when I’m having a crisis. I can’t look after myself when I’m on admission. 

    I’m tired of depending on people, but there’s nothing I can do. In the first quarter of 2021, my friends started a GoFundMe. It’s for a bone marrow transplant to give me a new genotype, curing me of sickle cell. 

    Immediately I announced this development, I got heat from two sides. Firstly, from my conservative northern family. They were furious that I embarrassed them by “announcing” my illness to everyone. The Christians were also enraged because they felt I betrayed God by choosing to follow science. 

    They’ll all be fine. 

    I’m doing this for me. I’m also doing this based on my newfound knowledge of God. He’s understanding, kind and he loves me.

    I’m not naive to think that it’ll be smooth sailing. But I’ll pick the pain of surgery and raising money over the pain of surviving sickle cell for 25 years.

    I’m going to fight with all I’ve got — till the end. For myself and my friends who’ve been through everything. For everyone who has suffered with me, held my hands and cried with me. 

    I’m doing this for us. 

    And when I finally get my surgery done, I’ll throw a Precious 2.0 party. I can’t wait to finally start living without thinking I’m a burden to people. 

    I’m going to learn how to swim, how to ride a bike. I look forward to dancing in the rain without fear. Most importantly, I’m going to reclaim my childhood.

    Click here to donate to Precious:


    GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/77dde500

    Flutterwave : https://flutterwave.com/pay/crg78jsohnxo

  • Quiz: Match The BBNaijaReunion Clapback To The Person Who Said It

    If you’ve been watching the BBnaija reunion, then you’re in the right place. What has been your favourite highlight? or clap back?

    Hold that thought. Here’s a quiz to test if you’ve truly been paying attention.

    Start here: