Everyone is secretly the product of an old Nollywood couple combination. Take this quiz to find out which old Nollywood couple combination you secretly are.
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Nollywood is the gift that just keeps giving. I obsess over Old Nollywood in particular because I think almost every scene and phrase used in it is simply very iconic. Today, we present four things from Old Nollywood that will make you go WTF.
Nollywood Parents Immediately Assuming Their Daughter Is Pregnant Because She Threw Up

Nollywood daugher runs out of the house (I have no absolute idea why they always run, why are they never just in a place where they can casually access the bathroom or something?) and throws up, her mother appearsfrom no where and asks ‘Nkechi, what happened? Nkechi, you are preganant. Nkechi, you have disgraced me.’ Each statement that begins with ‘Nkechi’ naturally is higher than the last just because. What amuses me and also makes me go WTF is that there are many reasons a person would be throwing up in the morning that doesn’t have anything to do with preganancy so why is that the universal sign of teenage and unwanted pregnancy in Nollywood.
Every Chiwetalu Agu Proverb

I genuinely believe that I first said ‘WTAF’ in reply to Chiwetalu Agu’s proverbs. The weirdest, most WTF and amazing part is that he had a custom made proverb for every movie. I would have said ‘for every character he played’ but Chiwetalu Agu has played himself in every movie he has ever been in.
Use What You Have To Get What You Want

My favorite genre of Nollywood movies are the ones that largely feature campus big girls because you know that at some point, someone will say to a newbie campus babe ‘you have to use what you have to get what you want’ and I genuinely believe this is simultaneously one of the most repeated and most hilarious Nollywood phrases.
‘Check and Balance This Na’

In the movie ‘White Hunters’, Mercy Johnson’s character says this to someone asking to check out her beauty and this is arguably one of the most WTF yet perfect phrases I have ever heard. Yes, it is now a part of my personal vocabulary.
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Being queer opens you up to many forms of abuse or intrusion into your personal life. For many queer people, one of the more irritating things that happen when you are queer and straight people know that, is the way they ask or say very vulgar and uncomfortable questions and statements.
Today, we asked six queer people what some of the most annoying things they’ve had non-queer people say to them.
Chika, 29.
Straight men are creepy! Whenever I meet one and tell them that I’m pansexual their reaction almost always falls into two categories: do you know someone who would be interested in a threesome? – which is offensive because they already assume I automatically want to sleep with them and even be in a threesome – or that if I sleep with them I’ll never go back to women. It’s so vulgar and insulting.Kaylee, 25.
As a gay person, I hate hearing that “I’m not homophobic sha but I’ll make sure that my children don’t become gay” rubbish or the whole “gay people shouldn’t be around children” like we’re paedophiles or the thing where straight girls act like queer women are automatically attracted to every female that exists and that we’re violating them by just having asexuality.Harry, 22.
As a queer person I am tired of hearing ” who is the man or woman”, “are you going to get married to a lady in the future” “how would you give birth”, “when will you stop.” It’s so funny that these questions even come from certain straight friends all when you try to come out or talk about your sexuality, well which I now know to never do again.Lincoln, 28.
I think it’s the people that keep using the fact that the anti-gay law exists as their argument for why being gay is bad. They’re always like, “It’s a crime in Nigeria. So whatever you see, take it like that” which is insane because what Hitler was doing to the Jews during WWII was “legal” then so what the fuck are you saying? I hope they all catch fire when next they go out in the sun.Linda, 21.
I feel like the quality of my life would increase if I never hear religious people say ‘we all sin differently’ or ‘God loves you regardless’. Those are very patronising and insulting things to say especially when no one asked you for it. My sexuality isn’t a sin, at least to me, if it is to you then keep it to you. It’s that simple.Ayo, 24.
“Is (insert person’s name) also gay?”Please how would I know? Do I look like a glossary for gay people? Even if I know, why would I tell you? I need straight people to stop asking queer people if someone is gay. It’s not my information to disclose and it’s frankly a very annoying question.
“When did you find out?”
I don’t know. When did you find out you’re straight? It’s like straight is synonymous with stupid questions. Let them find out you’re not straight, you become a test subject to them. All of a sudden they have one million questions (which frankly doesn’t concern them) they want to ask.
- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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Is the average Nollywood movie complete without someone mentioning or going to a shrine? To find out if it is as prevalent and popular in real life, I asked my Twitter followers and some people I know in real life about their experiences with juju/jazz. The answers? Absolutely fascinating.
Ben, 32.
In 2018, I was going through a very rough patch – financially, physically, every way you could imagine – and then a friend suggested I go see this person he knew that does prayers. I was desperate, when I got there I realized it wasn’t a place for ‘prayers’ like my friend told me. However, I won’t lie I went on with it because I was desperate. After consulting with the ‘spirits’ and everything, he gave me a cup that had some very salty water and a stone. I paid ₦15,000. He said it would ward off the evil spirits that was bringing bad luck. Six months, later my life was still the same so I threw the stone away.Shola, 20.
I haven’t used juju on anyone, but it’s been used on me. It was a Sunday and I was going to church from school in Akure and when I got to the bus stop, a guy came to meet me and spun a lie about how his mom was dying and he needed to see a herbalist for the cure. He begged me to lead him there, but I said I didn’t know the place. Another man came to meet me and said I should help the guy with the “sick mother”. We walked together for a long while till we got to a house made of mud. A man came out and performed some rituals. When I left, I realised the money with me had disappeared and so had the Samsung Galaxy tablet with me also disappeared. He spoke some incantations and these things happened before my eyes.
Chioma, 41.
My husband married another wife after getting a new and better position. I was very angry and I started going to church to pray against it happening. One day, someone I met in the church came up to me and told me she had heard and told me I had to fight for my family. I told her, I was doing what I could do. She told me, that this wouldn’t cut it and offered to take me to a person she knew and at this point, I was desperate enough to do it. The place we went to was three towns far from us. The man listened as I talk and then told me how much it would cost. When he started explaining what the thing he was giving me would do: abort the girl’s pregnancy, possibly make it so she wouldn’t be able to take it further. I couldn’t do it so I left the place.Adam, 26.
I don’t know if this counts but in university, there was a girl I wanted to get with that wasn’t looking my way. And when I told my friends, they told me they know a person that’ll fix me right up. I went to see this guy with them, it cost ₦10,000 and he gave me a powder that I should put on my face when next I went to see the girl. I did it and the next morning, I was really sick. I had to get hospitalized for a few days. I don’t know if it’s linked but never again. -
Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old gay man whose sexual addiction ruined his three-year relationship. He talks about how the end of his relationship made him realise he has a problem and what fuels his addiction.

When did you have sex for the first time?
I think the first time I had sex was in SS3. I met a guy where I went to write my WAEC and after the paper, we went to his apartment. I didn’t know what sexual tension was at the time, but we had that. He kissed me and the rest just happened naturally. It wasn’t wow or anything like that, but it was good enough for me to want to do it again.
Did you?
Oh yes. We hooked up again after that. Then I relocated to Lagos for uni, and my sexual awakening happened.
Oh?
It’s also when I had my first “boyfriend”.
Why is the boyfriend in quotes?
He hated the word “boyfriend” because he thought it was so gay, so even though I think we were dating, I don’t know if I can say we were.
Fair enough. What about the sexual awakening?
Before I got to uni, I had slept with one person. By the end of my first year, I slept with close to thirty people.
AH.
Yup. Just so I’m not exaggerating, let’s say above 20 but less than thirty. I was kind of known for being an ashawo amongst the gays in my school then.
Do you know why you went from a body count of 1 to a body count of almost 30 so quickly?
I think it was a desirability thing. I did it to feel desirable. There was a thrill that came with someone wanting you and your body and of course, your penis.
LMAO. You mentioned being branded an ashawo back then. Were you slut-shamed often?
Oh yeah. People also undermined me because I was sleeping around and assumed I wasn’t smart. They would be rude to me, say snarky things in my back and my front. Nigerian uni is actually what American shows paint their high schools to be like.
I agree!
That was how I met the first “boyfriend”. He was a hookup who didn’t know he was a hookup and so kept calling and texting me. We dated for a few months then he cheated on me.
Oh wow.
With a friend of mine.
WOW.
I was heartbroken but kind of relieved because I was already bored of the relationship. Most of why I was heartbroken is I felt he cheated on me because I wasn’t good-looking enough.
Desirability seems to be a major theme in your sex life.
It is actually. I recently realised the main reason I have sex is that I feel like at least someone wants me. And that’s like drugs to me, so it pushes me to search and look for it. As you can imagine, that makes me do things I shouldn’t do.
Like what?
I have made so many bad decisions because of this thing. You know how someone slept with my “boyfriend”? I did the same thing to a different friend of mine later on.
Damn.
His boyfriend started texting me on Instagram, saying suggestive things then started sending me selfies. I knew where it was going, did I stop it? No. It progressed to him sending nudes and one day, he asked me to come over. We didn’t agree on sex, but I knew what was going to happen. And it did.
Did you tell your friend?
Nah. It would’ve just caused drama.
Where do you think that need for feeling desirable comes from?
I was a fat kid and people were mean about it. In my late teens, puberty helped me get rid of a lot of the weight. Also when I was in uni, I started working out and that helped. But I still don’t feel good-looking, so I search for that feeling. I realised sex was like a way to get that hit, and it became my drug of choice.
That’s tough. Moving on from uni, how was your sex life in the “real world”?
I dated a lot, I had a lot more sex. I think I was searching for something that I didn’t even know. Then I met the love of my life.
Tell me about him.
I met him through a friend when I was trying to change my “whore” ways. He had a great job, was bald and good looking. What else could a boy want?
Nothing, my dear. So how was the relationship?
It was fucking good in the beginning. Good sex, healthy and good communication. We started playing with the idea of maybe going to the United States so we could get married or at least live as partners. Then, I fucked up.
How so?
I cheated on him several times.
Several times?
Yeah. And with several people. We were together for three years. The first year, I was faithful. But from the second year? I was bored. I just wanted the thrill of casual sex with someone other than him.
Did you ever consider an open relationship with him?
He is monogamous, and honestly, so am I. If he had sex with someone, I would die.
But…
Yeah, I know.
Okay, did he find out that you were stepping outside your relationship?
Yeah. He did because the gossip flew back to him. He confronted me about it. We talked about it and decided to still try.
What happened next?
A few months later, the next year, I slept with someone who was the boyfriend of someone he knows. I think that was the worst thing I have ever done in my entire life. I saw his face when he confronted me about it, crying. He begged me that it shouldn’t be true.
I had never hated myself more than I did then. I think he broke then, and I hate that I was the one that did that to someone I loved who loved me.
What happened next?
He left the house, his house. I later found out he went to a friend’s place because the friend and his boyfriend came over to the house. He hasn’t talked to me since then. He didn’t even look at me when he came back. He didn’t block me on social media either; he just acts like I don’t exist. It’s been a year now.
Damn. Did this experience change how you approach sex now?
I think the guilt of what I did has changed me as a person. I don’t feel that rush I used to feel with sex anymore; I just feel guilt. When I try having sex, I stop halfway. I feel disgusted with my body now.
Have you thought of perhaps seeing a therapist?
I’m in therapy now. We’re working through my sex addiction.
How would you rate your sex life?
0. I am no longer having sex at the moment and all I feel when it comes to sex is disgust, anger and regret.
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On social media, many people often joke about wanting to work in tech or in startup companies in general so we decided to ask a few people who already do what that really is like.
Cynthia, 28.
I was excited when I got the startup job at first because I loved the company’s mission, and founder as well. They painted this impressive image online of who they were, what problems they were trying to solve, and what their work culture was, so when I got in, it was a dream come true, until it wasn’t of course.The first thing I noticed was that their ‘vision/mission’ was just something cute to say and get funds because, in truth, they were far from what they preached internally.
There were so many worst parts but I’ll tell you the one that stuck out to me. No matter how great you did in your role, they’d never agree to send you a good recommendation letter. I once heard the founder telling HR to say and I quote “He got along well with his co-workers” finish. They did not even say anything about his work, this guy worked very hard.
The weirdest thing was the founder openly being partial to team members she liked. I know she had a right to like whom she wanted but she did it without tact and it had a bad impact on the company culture.
It wasn’t all bad though, my team members were the bomb and we’re mostly friends till this day. Because startup cultures are sometimes toxic, you and your colleagues bond well. One thing I enjoyed about the startup culture was the energy and the feeling that you’re doing something to make the world better for someone else, so that’s pretty cool.
I know you didn’t ask me but I think that investors should look at the rate of team churn in businesses before investing because most of these startup leaders need lots of leadership training. Can you believe we had about 20 people resign in less than one year, with some of them spending 2 months before resigning? It wasn’t a huge team so 20 people meant the company literally started afresh.
People should generally look at the churn rate before joining some companies. If they’re always hiring for the same roles, let your legs hit your head as you’re running away. Also, the HR at your startup is not your friend!
Victor, 35.
I have almost exclusively worked with tech startups since I started working and I won’t say it has been bad, to be honest. I just want Nigerian startup founders to stop acting like they’ve invented or founded the biggest thing since sliced bread. At my last job, I left because the founder spent most of his time being condescending to staff and belittling them. It is weird because you hired them because they are good so why go back to tell them they are stupid and should be ashamed. One day, he was shouting at a junior product manager and told her that when he was her age he was doing this and that. That was when I thought to myself ‘guy, one day it will be your turn and with your temper, you’ll do something that you’ll regret.’ I think the startup space is pretty great to work in and stuff, but it’s great when compared to traditional working spaces. On its own, man it isn’t all that. A person is expected to do the workload of three people, be on the clock 24/7, never complain and deal with rude founders/bosses.Patrick, 27.
Nigerian founders are probably the ones that’ll kill their companies. It’s a bit weird seeing them pretend to be nice considerate people on social media but you that work with them will be wondering when you’ll see that version of them. My boss fired an intern the day her mother died because she came late. Many of these companies can’t retain people because the moment people actually work for them, they immediately start looking for a new place to run to because of the toxic work culture. Last year, my boss fired me because he saw me looking at calls for job applications on my laptop. I didn’t even bother doing back and forth, I was already fed up. I think startups aren’t a bad place to work at because it tends to be more progressive but some of these founders need an attitude adjustment. You are not Batman, breathe sometimes.Diane, 22.
The workload almost drove me mad. I was employed as an intern as the first and then promoted to content associate. As an intern, I was doing the work of a full-time staff and was paid 60,000. I was handling social media, posting on their blog and everything. When I was promoted to content associate, my salary was increased to 120,000. The amount of content I was pushing out and for a company that was actually doing well, being paid 120,000 was an insult. I would be asked to do work on weekends, and even at night. God forbid. I quit there immediately I got a better offer. -
Are you the kind of person who doesn’t care of other people’s business or the kind person who has their nose in what every one else is doing? Take this quiz to find out!
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Finding your person in today’s world is really hard but there are very few things worse than finding your partner and then losing them to illness, accidents or any thing. To understand this pain, we spoke to four Nigerians on what it is like losing a partner.
Daniel, 25.
I met him inside a bus. I was coming home and having snacks and he kept teasing me about having some of my snacks. I thought he was joking so I offered him some and he took it. He seemed like he won’t rest if I didn’t give him my number, so I did. There was no WhatsApp then so he kept texting me all the time and calling me. He was persistent and I liked it and found it very cute. He was an Igbo man so you know that they go all the way out. The day I visited him, it was like Christmas for him. We talked, hooked up, I was getting to like him. Then I moved to school and we kept in touch during the holidays only. Then I tried to reach him one time and he didn’t reply. We hadn’t spoken for a while. It was weird because he always jumped at my calls or texts. Then, I logged in on Facebook and saw he has died like two months before.George, 35.
My partner and I met on a dating app hilarious enough. A few months into the relationship, he had some health issues and went to the doctor and that was how he realized he had a serious heart disease that meant he wouldn’t live long. He immediately became depressed and sad which is very valid but we had to work through it because even the doctor didn’t know how long he had. He lived for a few more years after that but the most important thing I think for me is that he had what seemed to be a blissful last few months alive. He wasn’t depressed, he was happy and content with what he had made out of himself. That makes me happy at least. That said, I don’t see myself ever being with anyone else.Chika, 22.
I met my late boyfriend on Twitter. It was a very straight forward ‘I am shooting my shot’ kind of thing and at first, I wasn’t too keen but he was good looking and very very witty so I was like this could be fun. And it was. We went on dates for like a month before we even discussed being in a proper relationship, we agreed to be in a proper relationship just before I went back to university. We would text, facetime etc several times a day. Then one day, he just didn’t reply to my text. The texts were delivering so at first I thought he was ghosting me. I tried calling and no one picked till it just went blank. I was sad and depressed wondering what had happened then one day when I called someone picked and asked who I was. I explained who I was and they told me he was dead, he had been shot. I don’t think you ever truly recover from things like that, there’s always a part of your soul that’s just marked with that grief.Manuel, 32.
My late wife knew about each other for a decent while before we started talking, you know when you know someone is a friend with a friend of yours but you and that person don’t actually have a friendship, that was it. Then one day, I was at a bank frustrated as hell because they refused to refund money from a failed transaction for me. I was angry and shouting then she came and started diffusing the situation. It’s funny because she was just a customer there but it worked, I got my refund that day. I apologized for my behaviour and tried to make it up for her. She didn’t exactly take me up on that but she gave me her number. It took almost two months from that first meeting for us to go on a date. We ended up getting married a year and eight months after our first date. She died one year later. A car hit her one evening, she just went to buy something at a store down the street and at a sharp turn, a car hit her straight. We went to the hospital but by the time they could even get the blood transfusion set up, the love of my life was dead. I don’t know if ‘pain’ is accurate enough for what I felt. Confusion was the chief emotion, I didn’t understand it. She was alive an hour ago, she was with me an hour ago and now she’s gone forever. I don’t remember much but I had a panic attack at the hospital then I was home. I think my whole life has been blank since the day she died, I don’t know what is happening or why.- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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I am genuinely fascinated by relationship dynamics between Nigerians especially when it comes to giving gifts to their partners. So I set out to speak to as many Nigerian men who were willing to speak to me and asked them who the most generous partner they’ve ever had is. And the answers amazed me.
Here are some of my favourites.
Samuel, 26.
We dated for about 6 months. She had a jewellery business and she was doing okay. I think her love language was gift-giving cause she couldn’t get enough of gifting me. She’d see something on the TL that she feels would look good on me and she’ll order it. She got me a phone because my phone went bad. At the times, I was depressed she’d take me out on getaways for days to get my mind off stuff. I was working at an investment bank and one time my laptop spoilt and she wanted to send me hers immediately. I started the gift-giving thing in the relationship but she continued and surpassed me even, I’ve never seen anything like that.Eric, 25.
I dated a girl for about a year and she spent most of the relationship just buying me stuff. On my birthday, she bought me an iPad and paid for a three days stay in Lagos. The funniest thing is she enjoys watching you open gifts and seeing your face. She would buy me things and be excited about me opening the gifts. At first, I thought it was an ‘I buy for you, you buy for me’ kind of thing where she was buying gifts for me and wanted me to buy bigger and better ones in the future but I eventually learnt that was not the case. She was at a very high earning job at the time and so could afford it, she left the country to pursue higher education before COVID-19 started. Yet, even as she is abroad and even though we have technically broken up, she still sends me ASOS and Amazon packages. Most of the shoes I wear today are from her.Akin, 32.
I had a girlfriend in Uni who would come over with food whenever she felt I was without food. She had a side business selling second-hand clothes to other students so always had extra money. There was a year where I couldn’t pay my fees because my parents were broke and so was I. She came over and told me not to worry and gave me her savings. I was dumbfounded because this woman was feeding me and taking care of me and still paying my fees. She still holds a special place in my heart.Tolu, 30.
I think my most generous partner is my current girlfriend. She doesn’t ever come to see me without a gift. On special days – Christmas, birthdays, valentine’s day – she goes all the way. Food, clothes, gadgets, babe doesn’t carry last at all. Sometimes it bothers me because I wonder if she thinks she has to buy my love and when we first started dating, I was worried she was using gifts to compensate for something but the other shoe is yet to drop so we move.- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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Burner accounts are all the rave. Almost everyone has one but what is the appeal of a burner twitter account? Why are they so popular? We decided to ask a few Nigerians who own burner accounts why they own one and the answers are absolutely fascinating.
Chukwuemeka, 23.
Having a burner is scary because I know how many people’s burners I’ve recognised from just their bodies and because of that fear, I’ve deactivated my burner account a couple of times. I originally opened my burner to watch and retweet porn. Then my partner at the time suggested we make videos and upload and it started from there. It is a good outlet for all the nasty things I enjoy.Anthonia, 20.
So the first one I opened was my original burner and I had like ten people on it and it is very private. It is like when I want to tell my friends important news at once and keep them in the loop and on the days when I just vanish and I am not replying to anyone on social media, I go there to make them aware I am alive. I opened the second one because I thought the first was too depressing, and I wanted to laugh more but like anonymously shade people too and that one has about forty people. My public account has like 3,000 followers and I am very open about sex, sexuality, sensuality and even my mental health, but sharing all of that with three thousand people seemed a lot. Especially because somedays I am so horny I lose sight in my right eye. So, I opened the NSFW one. None of my friends have access to it and it is fairly new. I can tweet about how I want to get fucked with a gun to my head and nobody will reply with “?” or call my boyfriend to check up on me.Scott, 25.
My burner account has more followers than my public account. I have five thousand followers on my public account and eleven thousand followers on my burner account. I started it so I could like and talk about porn videos in peace and without people judging me. Eventually, I started retweeting some videos as a way to curate the videos I liked watching and boom, my following skyrocketed. After a while, I started posting my content and putting an onlyfans link as a way to monetise my audience and wow, it’s been going great. Sometimes, I quote on my videos posted on my burner account with my public account and go ‘AHHH?’ and because people don’t know what my body looks like, no one clocks it’s me and that helps me get more retweets etc.
Nancy, 27.
I go to my burner account so I can be petty and shady and mean and emotional without people looking at me weird. My boss follows my ‘normal’ account so I need a place where I can bitch about work without getting an email from HR saying I have been fired for gross misconduct or portraying the company in a bad light.Ife, 23.
My burner account is my digital safe space but it is a source of income. People underrate how much some folks make from promoting other’s people’s OnlyFans. I have about 20,000 followers on my burner and because of the kind of content I post, they are hella engaging so some small porn creators reach out so I can share their stuff and help them rake in more subscribers and more money. I post my own onlyfans content too. And because it is anon, no one holds me to any standard so I can say and do whatever. Who is going to check me? -
Ever wondered about who would play your parents if your life was a Nollywood movie? Wonder no more. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you exactly who should play your parents.
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To say that Nollywood has given us more than enough ‘WTF is happening’ movies to last us a lifetime is an understatement. Today, we are going to go through four movie franchises from Nollywood that had us going “WTF?!” from start to finish.Blackberry Babes
The fact this franchise even exists stresses me in ways I can’t describe. The entire point of the franchise is that a bunch of girls had Blackberry phones and other girls wanted one. I understand that it was supposed to be some sort of elite thing but they made part one, two, three and kept going. If you need one more reason to watch this movie, Oge Okoye’s character, who was hanging around a store to catch men in the opening scene, went up to a man who had forgotten his wallet and used her Blackberry phone to pay for what he had bought. Now, I’m confused as to how this happened. Somehow, he used Oge’s character’s Blackberry phone to pay the store even though he didn’t ask for the store’s account number or anything. What was happening? Was technology even more advanced in Old Nollywood than it is now?
White Hunters
If you think the premise of Blackberry Babes is ridiculous, it’s still learning work when standing next to White Hunters. I just want to add that I don’t think any of the white men featured in this franchise were from either the US or the UK like they said they were. And to make it worse, none of the white men could act to save their lives. Their acting made Regina Askia look like Meryl Streep.
Beyonce and Rihanna
Somedays, I try to imagine Beyonce and Rihanna’s faces when they realized a movie ‘loosely inspired’ by them exists and then I try to imagine their faces when they watched it for the first time. Beyonce and Rihanna redefined what it means for a movie to be bad. The singing, the cringe acting, the standoffs in the middle of the road. Why does every Nollywood movie feature standoffs in the middle of a road? Are cities so small that you can just casually run into your nemesis on a road no one else is on? I think the weirdest part of Beyonce and Rihanna is that it wasn’t just one movie, it wasn’t two. It was four. And yes, I watched every single one.
Dumebi The Dirty Girl
I think this was supposed to be a comedic spin of Julia Robert’s Pretty Woman but this franchise stressed the daylight out of me. The fact that Dumebi’s parents and all the other villagers, who likely didn’t go to school or get a formal education, can speak better English than Dumebi, who dropped out, has me very confused. However, as someone who lives for chaotic Nollywood movies, this franchise has the right amount of chaos to qualify for the “It’s so bad, it’s good” category.
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In 2018, Luke*, a 31-year-old content strategist, was working at a media startup that required him to put in a lot of hours — a job he describes as “mentally draining”. However, even when he could clock out, Luke refused to.
‘‘Some days, I would finish working early, but I’d refuse to go back home because of my ex-girlfriend,’’ Luke tells Zikoko. ‘‘I would stay back watching movies on the office TV, sometimes I would go to a friend’s place and stay till really late. The longer I stayed out, the better for me. Whenever I started driving home, my heart would start beating fast.’’
For Luke, going back home meant returning to his girlfriend who was emotionally and physically abusive.
‘‘She would hit me, punch me, slap me and call me demeaning names,’’ Luke recalls. ‘‘One of the first times was about five months into our relationship. We were driving home from a birthday party, and she asked me who a female friend I talked to at the party was. I told her we worked together on a project in the past. She asked me why we were flirting, then she hit me. Next, she came for the steering wheel. Luckily, it was late at night and the road was empty. She didn’t care.’’
The next day, Luke’s girlfriend blamed her behaviour on her being drunk and stated that Luke could have avoided it all by not flirting with another woman. It began a violent cycle of abuse, both physical and emotional.
According to the United States of America’s CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men have experienced experience severe intimate partner physical violence. However, studies have also shown that when compared to women, men are less likely to report it due to fear of being emasculated.
‘‘I think I am a sub’’ Tobi*, a 28-year-old banker, tells Zikoko. ‘‘I like Dom women. Women who take charge. And I have been in great relationships with a few. However, my last partner was just plain abusive. One day, we were having an argument, and she took a lit candle and stabbed my stomach. It hurt but not too much. That was when I realised she was a violent person who was willing to hurt me. I am lucky because I clocked it early, but I only ended the relationship because she pushed it even further.’’ Tobi shares that he ended the relationship after his girlfriend hit his head with a pot when he was arguing with her.
‘‘I felt confused, shocked, hurt and scared. All at the same time.’’ Tobi began. ‘‘I locked myself in my room and called a friend. When my friend came, she suddenly started begging me to not leave her. I’m grateful for my friend who stuck to his guns and got me out of there and ensured I ended it.’’
For the men we interviewed for this piece, they have a shared concern about defending themselves against the women who abuse them at the risk of being made out to be abusers as well or, worse, being viewed as the ones who instigated the abuse in the first place.
‘‘I know more often than not, men are the ones abusing women they are dating or married to. I know that many people don’t think men are the victims of domestic abuse, but it is possible.’’ Luke says. ‘‘When my girlfriend hit me the second time, I stopped her hands before she could hit me and she started crying. I left immediately because I know how easy it is for the narrative to change.’’ Tobi remembers a similar thing going through his head:
‘’I made sure I removed myself from the situation whenever it started because if I didn’t do that, I would have reacted.’’ Tobi shares. ‘‘I might want to defend myself and that would be misconstrued as me hitting her when she tells people. And as the man, I look most likely to be the abusive partner.’’
Intimate partner abuse against men isn’t only found in relationships with people of a different gender. Several studies have shown that the prevalence of abuse between people in same-gender relationships is similar and almost equal to that of heterosexual relationships. However, when Chris*, a gay man living in Nigeria, began to experience abuse at the hands of his partner for almost a year, he was confused.
‘‘I remember wondering how this was possible.’’ Chris recounts. ‘‘It’s stupid, but I had never imagined that a gay man could be abused in a gay relationship. I assumed because we are both guys with a level of equality, abuse wouldn’t be possible.’’
Chris further describes the first time it happened and noted that he gaslit himself because he didn’t want to believe it happened.
‘‘Essentially, I didn’t want to have sex. He wanted to. He hit me and forced himself on me. I remember my hands being sore for days after that, and I remember him apologising and crying because he hurt me. So I was wondering if maybe it was just one of those things.’’ Chris tells Zikoko.
However, over the following months, the abuse worsened.
‘‘I was living with him because he was better off financially. And I think that made it worse,’’ Chris shares. ‘‘It was hard to talk about it to anyone else because I had never heard of this happening to a gay person I know, so I was like, ‘Is this even real?’ The first person that found out was my best friend who was perceptive enough to realise what was wrong and pressured me to open up to him. I eventually moved in with my best friendhim and ended the relationship.’’
For many of the people in this piece, an environment and society where men were made to realise they could be victims of abuse — financial, physical, emotional and all the forms of abuse in between — would have helped them exit the toxic relationships a lot faster. It further shows the importance of safe spaces where men of varying orientations can talk about issues like these without being judged. It also shows how the media can help men realise that regardless of their gender or physical strength, they could also be victims of intimate partner abuse, sometimes without even knowing it.
- Names have been changed to protect their privacy.
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In a relationship and considering going back to the streets? In the streets but looking for someone to take you out of it? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you how long your next relationship will last.
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Who remembers when Nollywood actors suddenly started releasing albums and songs every other month? What a time in pop culture history! To celebrate that chaotic and beautiful moment, we are ranking the best and most chaotic songs released by Nigerian actors.
Genevieve Nnaji – No More
Let me start by saying that Genevieve Nnaji is my favourite Nollywood actress and I am obsessed with everything about her. Her music career is not an exception, however, I am not obsessed with it for the reasons I think she hoped for. That said, my unpopular take is that this song isn’t bad. It is slightly cringy and had me hiding my face a bit but this is a bop for the girls.Tonto Dikeh – Itz Ova
I remember when I first came across this song. I also remember falling down to the ground minutes later unable to hold myself from having fits of laughter. This song was truly something. The fact that for the entirety of the song we don’t hear Tonto Dikeh’s actual voice is truly something else. I think if T.Pain and Rihanna on a bad day had a love-child and that child had a child with the love child of Genevieve Nnaji’s No More video and Cher from Believe (the song which invented autotune as we know it), it would be Tonto Dikeh in the Itz Ova video. I know that’s a lot but the music video for Itz Ova is a lot as well.Omotola Jalede-Ekeinde – Get Busy
I don’t remember where I was when I first heard Get Busy by Omotola and Harrysong but I know I must have felt confused and intrigued and shocked. That said, I had no clue what I expected her voice to sound like but it wasn’t this. It is very different but that was the only good thing about the song. Everything else was chaotic. She took all the worst parts of the average Nigerian song and just poured it into hers.Jim Iyke ft 2Face – Who Am I
Unlike the other music videos and songs in this list, I did not know that Jim Iyke even went into music at some point until relatively recently. I wish I could go back to when I did not know. To top it off, he has a music video with 2Face which made me wonder for a minute how he got it and if he maybe had something on 2Face. The video and song are very on-brand for Jim Iyke if we are being honest. Incredibly violent and frankly made me feel like I was being threatened.Patience Ozokwor – National Moi Moi
Do you know the hill I am willing to die on? That Patience Ozokwor’s Mama G era was nothing short of iconic. That run blessed us with quotable bops. I am forever willing to teach a course on the socialist implications of Patience Ozokwor ‘National Moi Moi’ as well as how it satirizes the entire campaign systems of African countries and the expected failures of the leaders. Karl Marx who? Mama G ended him. An iconic queen. -
Growing up, a lot of us are taught that there is an exact way we are supposed to progress. We go from primary school to secondary school to university, get a job and then marry. It’s linear and exact. However, real-life isn’t that simple. A good number of people opt out of this race at different points and for different reasons. Today, we spoke to seven people who decided a uni education isn’t for them or had to leave uni.
Mimi, 21.
I dropped out but I went to a school in England. My mom and some of her colleagues were being probed by EFCC. And I knew it was going to affect my school fees being paid. Plus I never liked England. So that was my call to back out quick. For now, I’m doing nothing. I really want to relax in Nigeria. I just want to be jobless for a while. As for my mom, I told her to just let me chill and enjoy the money EFCC hasn’t seized from her. I live with mum so most things are covered and the extra things, my dad and my other siblings send me money when they can. I can’t lie I didn’t realise how bad it affected my plans until recently but I plan on moving back to England to just live there and probably work a bit until I figure out what I want to do with my life. My original plan was to go to uni and then go on to become a solicitor. But I don’t think I even know how to read anymore. I’m also a British citizen so it’s easier to rely on another country for my unplanned future.Afam, 24.
For me leaving uni was a matter of realizing that it wasn’t providing value to me. The university system here is shit, and according to it, I was dumb. I failed courses, I was horrible with classmates and it made me depressed. Then I started coding and designing and I was good at it. It’s funny how when I brought that real-life know-how to classes in Uni where I was studying computer science, I would still fail but outside, I was doing well. That’s when I realized that uni was all about knowing enough to pass an examination, at least in Nigeria. The day I decided to leave was when on my second full-time tech role, I heard how much my lecturer was making and I realized I was earning twice what he was being paid. I was twenty-three, he was several decades older than me, had been working for much longer but I was already out-earning him and I was just getting started. That made something click in me, so I got out of the system. I dropped out two weeks later.
Mel, 22.
I dropped out because I realized I was fooling myself, what I was studying wasn’t my career part. I never wanted to study Human Resources Management, I wanted to be a lawyer. Nobody ever noticed but I was unhappy about it. I’m very intelligent but I flunked in school and I never took my classes seriously. Sometimes I just paid my lecturers to get through to the next semester. Now I’m going after the things I love doing and not what my mum wants. I feel at peace being in control of my life. When I was in Uni, I was so depressed because I didn’t know what to do next. The question of “are you done with school?” “have you gotten a job?” “what are you currently doing?” It was unbearable, my anxiety went so high that I almost killed myself. I felt like a failure because why would any reasonable person drop out in their final year right? But now? Fuck it! I don’t give a single fuck if anyone sees me as a failure, I don’t owe them anything. Now I’m happy and I’m currently working on getting my psychology degree from the University of London. For real, I’m happy and I’m making the right decisions for my future so to hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.Vona, 26.
First, I dropped out because I couldn’t pay school fees. I had the money to pay before I even needed to pay but I was in a relationship with someone at the time and he came to one day saying he needed help, I loaned him the money with the promise that he would pay back before resumption. He didn’t and then he moved out of the country with my money, I never heard from him again. When it was time for resumption, I couldn’t pay fees, was too ashamed to ask anyone for help and I, unfortunately, had to drop out. It has changed my life plans, I can’t get a job. I’m not much of a business person and doing small businesses to survive is hard as I want to be in an office space working but I can’t do that as nobody wants to employ an SSCE holder for jobs. I’ve wasted my life and it hurts. I’m ashamed that I’m a dropout, I hate to meet new people because people want to know what you do, where you work. What do I say? That I’m a dropout who has nothing going for her? I can’t show up anywhere because I’m always the odd one out. It’s just safer to stay indoors and never go out. At first, nobody in my family knew until two years later when they started hounding me for NYSC and I had to come clean. My Dad outrightly disowned me, it was one of the toughest periods in my life because I left the house that morning with a bag of clothes and 20k. It’s been a few years now, my mom is no more disappointed but I and my dad don’t talk and haven’t seen each other since then.Yasmin, 20.
I dropped out partially due to attempted assault. And uni was high workload with low reward. The system was archaic. We were using learning materials from the 1970s and a course that was supposed to be very in-depth and practical oriented was DIY. It has affected my life and plans. I sometimes feel like all the time I spent fighting to study that course is now a waste. But it’s helped me figure out what my dream means to me and how to work around it while pursuing something else. I was very anxious about dropping out. Firstly because it felt like I had wasted their money. A part of me wanted to just suck up the mental exhaustion I was facing and just finish but I couldn’t. A lot of people also felt I was spoiled, they’d say ‘if you go to a different uni and the lecturer tries to assault you again will you drop out again.‘ It is very scary how much sexual assault is downplayed in uni. Up until the day I was going to quit I kept thinking about all the people I left high school with graduating the next year and how I’d be starting afresh but we’re meant for different things. Anyways, so I couldn’t chicken out I didn’t go for exams so that was a sure way to drop out. The funny thing is my parents were so pro-dropping out. They just wanted me to have fun till the semester was over and come home. They kept wondering why I still bothered going to classes. My mum especially was very supportive and she keeps telling me not to run on anyone else’s time.
Olayinka, 24.
I was 17. I was in my second year. I just knew I didn’t fit in. I wanted to do it for my family but the more I tried the more it sucked. So one day I just woke up, told myself I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I called my parents and told them I forgot to pay my school fees and although I did intentionally delay my fees but it was still something I could fix but I didn’t want to fix it. Fast forward to today, nobody wants to employ someone who doesn’t own a degree. Sometimes I feel insecure about it. I am one of the smartest girls I know but I’ve had to quit work so many times because I’m constantly being treated like a slave. You do all the work for our so-called graduates and they earn way more than you do.
One time I met this guy who said he liked me and wanted us to date. I told him I was a dropout and he told me he couldn’t be with someone who dared to throw her life away. I felt anxious at the initial stage but as soon as I decided to end it. I felt really good about it. I never even thought I’d get a job. Like a real job. Everyone told me I wouldn’t and for a while, that scared me but I’m in a much better space now and I have come to love myself for making that decision. That night as soon as I got home, we had this huge argument at home. My Dad kept on blaming my mom for it and I felt horrible. The next morning at exactly 5 am my parents took me to the park and told me I was going to live with my aunt in Ilorin. My mom didn’t talk to me for four months, and my dad never took me seriously afterwards and that was the hardest part for meOfeh, 25.
I wanted to study medicine but UNIBEN gave me Educational Psychology. That didn’t make sense so I always planned to leave. In my second year, I wrote jamb and got admission to a different school and aside from it being a rugged school, they gave me Biochemistry. No point going from a course I didn’t want to another course I did not want. At the same time, my dad was trying to get me and my brother out of Nigeria or so he told me. However, only my brother ended up leaving. I stayed because my dad said I’m the first child, I need to be close to home. The gag was that I had already checked out of UNIBEN unbeknownst to anyone. I wasn’t attending classes or taking exams. When I realized I was not going anywhere, I tried to rectify it. I went to my course adviser but she was so mean, shouting at everyone in her office. I was too scared to say anything and even though, I didn’t tell anybody anything. At that point, I was supposedly in 300 level but I had never registered for any of my 200 level courses or written the exams. I didn’t do any assignments or tests. I was practically not a student but I lied for another two years because I was too scared to tell anyone or confront the truth myself. I don’t regret dropping out. It’s one of the events that made my life go the way it is now and I’m grateful I got it. However the years before I told anyone, I would lock myself in my room for days, no food. Just snacks, weed and tears. I went to a psychiatrist in 2018 and I got diagnosed and that’s how I know now that my mental health was a part of it. My parents were actually very supportive of my decision. It was surprising because I told them when I was supposedly in final year. Before then I had been lying that I had issues that would cost me extra year, missing script, etc. I eventually wrote my dad a long email telling him I had dropped out and he called me. He asked if I was alone and told me not to cry and to come home. He kept telling to not worry, that I’ll be fine. -
Over the weekend, I saw several tweets from disabled Nigerians illustrating how inaccessible public spaces in Nigeria are. The conversations made me realize how much my privilege as an able-bodied person has made it so I was ignorant about what it must be like for people who live with disability in a country like Nigeria. To help platform the voices of people living with disability in Nigeria and to combat the ignorance many of us have about the realities of disabled people in Nigeria, I spoke with five Nigerians living with disabilities on what it is like being disabled in Nigeria.
Afam, 27.
Disability: Multiple sclerosis.
The whole of Nigeria is inaccessible. Have you tried getting a bus when you can barely walk? It is awful. I have multiple sclerosis, and that has left me with slurred speech, weakness and I can barely walk. You think Nigeria is hard? Try living in Nigeria with a disability. After I graduated from Uni, I spent a long time searching for a job. I am a copywriter and that isn’t a physical activity but the moment people saw that I was disabled. They immediately just mentally log out of any and everything that has to do with me. Even the tech startups that people say are progressive, pretty much the same thing. For over six years, I couldn’t get half a copywriting gig because people needed to physically see you for an interview and once that happens, it’s all over for me. I only got a job because a friend in the UK I met in a FaceBook forum for disabled people put in a good word for me for a remote job.Buyin, 22.
Disability: Limb difference.
One thing very common in my life is staring. I can remember when I was conducting my entrance interview for secondary school, everybody was looking at me because we did some physical education thing. When I eventually resumed, everybody kept on saying ‘oh let me see you carry a bucket with your hand,’ it was like a mini-show. Other than that, everything was okay till one girl was enrolled in the school. I think when I was in JS3 or something and she was always running from me. It became tiring and I hated coming across her. However, it was not only her. I can remember when my cousins came back from Dublin. One of them kept on running from me. Children run from me till today. But some are inquisitive, they ask what happened to your hand and they just move on but some notorious ones start to role-play or act like they have a difficulty like me and that’s annoying. Sometimes I wish their parents could just call them to order, especially the ones that keep on asking me every time why is your hand like this. I didn’t go for my matriculation because I was overwhelmed during registration, people kept on staring at me. It was too much. So when matriculation came, I just couldn’t and that was because I wasn’t wearing my covering – I normally wear long-sleeved clothes. But for matriculation, we were to wear a black gown and my own gown didn’t have long sleeves. I just couldn’t go. I cried in my house and made my mum cry and my aunt too. I can never forget one episode in year one, where all these boys wanted to stop fine girls to “toast” them for fun. I think the group of guys were already approaching me and my friend, then one of them saw my hand and said leave her, leave her. It’s not like I was going to answer them but I still felt bad. Just last week, a man saw me on the road and shouted ‘Jesus’ and sometime last year, another one saw me and said, ‘Eeyah and this girl is fine.’Seyi, 22.
Disability: Epilepsy.
I can’t engage in a lot of activities that I would normally enjoy or people my age should do because then I will be endangering myself and the people around me. I can’t drive, can’t cook, can’t go to certain places, can’t do certain jobs, etc. Nigeria is inaccessible, people like me get stigmatized everywhere (work, church, community). I’m sad that I will have to endure this for the rest of my life. People thrive on ignorance and are deafened to getting enlightened. They don’t even want to hear the word “Epilepsy”. No adequate care, no form of support from the government, we are constantly ignored and yet we are in millions.Precious, 30.
Disability: Sickle Cell.
Living in Nigeria with sickle cell is kinda unbearable firstly because of the weather, I have to hydrate a lot so I don’t trigger a pain crisis but the weather makes it so difficult to stay hydrated which means frequent pain crisis. Another struggle for me is doctors not listening when I tell them I need to have a strong pain killer with me at all times. I get crises at least once a week and most times I have to manage without pain killers because there’s no provision for me to have medicines on hand. I was at a hospital in August last year with one of the most painful crises I’ve ever had and they didn’t have one nurse that could work with thin veins. I was there for over thirty minutes crying, in pain from the crisis and I also had to deal with being poked everywhere, multiple times repeatedly. It was excruciating, I was ready to leave. And to make it worse, I had to deposit ₦150,000 before they would even give me saline. There was one time I was feeling so sick that as early as 5 am the next day, I got an Uber to take me to my clinic. I saw the doctor and he literally gave me some over the counter type of meds and sent me home. Not even up to an hour after I was rushed back to the hospital. I wish medical practitioners will just shut up sometimes and listen to me. Like I’ve lived with sickle cell all my life so believe me when I say I’m about to have a pain crisis and I need to be in the hospital. I hate having to wait until it’s unbearable before getting treated but, if it doesn’t look like I’m about to die, I don’t get treated. I think it’s mostly about medical interaction for me. It should be a norm for hospitals to have one sickle cell specialist and the sickle cell centres are just money-making schemes.Nkechi, 30.
Disability: FibromyalgiaIt has affected the way people treat me in day to day activities. First off, you see the way people look at you. I would say generally, Nigerians want to be helpful when they realize you have a disability. But then you’re treated like you don’t have much agency. They must touch you to help you. The most significant ways it affects you are mostly related to access. You almost feel invisible because most spaces aren’t planned with disabled people in mind. You wouldn’t realize how many spaces we are shut out from. Stairs, doors etc. Most banks have those security doors. A wheelchair wouldn’t be able to pass that space. Almost all spaces in Nigeria are built with only the able-bodied.
You’ll get to a door and then have to wait for an able-bodied person because the door is too heavy for you to open because you have weak muscles. Some people will try to console you by saying, ‘Nigeria isn’t built for able-bodied, not to talk of disabled people?’ Is that statement supposed to make one feel better? You’re stating that you think of us as lesser than the able-bodied and that we should expect to be treated as lesser because we are able-bodied.
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Stepmothers in the golden age of Nollywood were truly something else. However, have you ever wondered which you would end up with if you were in a Nollywood movie? No need to wonder anymore. Take this quiz to find out which you deserve.
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How do you make a Nollywood movie pop? You throw in a wicked stepmother to frustrate your protagonist. However, many times the stepmother just ends up being the star of the movie.Today, we are ranking the five Nollywood step mothers who gave us unbelievable joy whenever they came on screen.
5. Shola Sobwale

Before I fell in love with Shola Sobowale in King Of Boys, I fell in love with her Super Story. During that era, Shola starred in several roles where she redefined the art of being a step mother and the art of insulting people.
4.Ngozi Ezeonu

In the earlier days of her career, Ngozi Ezeonu was the one who was victimized by her husband’s other wife and that was a fun watch. But when she turned the table around and became the one doing the victimization, I was intrigued. I won’t say much but this woman played so many roles taunting and torturing Mercy Johnson that I can’ t help but wonder if Mercy Johnson has nightmares featuring Ngozi Ezeonu.
3. Eucharia Anunobi

I would actually not mind having Eucharia Anunobi for my step mother. Granted, she would kill my dad by making her sugar baby throw him off a balcony but at least we’ll bond by doing each other’s makeup and drawing thin eyebrows for each other.
2.Clarion Chukwuka

Let me start by saying that as a kid, I was wildly obsessed with Clarion Chukwuka growing up. The sage and anti-men advice, the wild hair colors, her nails which rivals Cardi B’s and her general iconic-ness. I can’t believe Nollywood made her into the bad guy for wanting her daughters and step-daughters to decenter men and seek reparations.
- Patience Ozokwor

If you google ‘step mother in Nollywood’ you are likely going to see loads of videos and images of Patience Ozokwor because this woman is the genre itself. No one else can be simultaneously oppressing a whole village, her step daughter and her husband. The devil works hard, Kris Jenner works harder, but you see Patience Ozokwor? She outworked, outsold, and outdid them. No one is like her. No one has invented and reinvented the act of shadiness backed by sly and unprovoked wickedness quite like she has in Nollywood. We salute a queen.
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What’s it like creating a movie out of a TV show? We asked Buhari Yesufu, a 25-year-old director who teamed up with a bunch of creatives to create Sub-Sahara, an exhilarating and experimental TV show and then Sub-Sahara, the movie, to tell us.

Tell me about the movie.
Subsahara is a live-action play. It started as a TV show that airs every Tuesday. Sometime last year, Chinedu Uguru, the producer, and I and a few people came together and thought, “There’s Corona, and we can’t shoot anymore — we should create a play.” Around that period, we were watching the 2019 Dolemite, and it was fascinating watching Eddie Murphy explore how Black people got involved in cinema in America. I did some research, and I found some beautiful old Nigerian sitcoms like Bassey and Company. These shows depicted the average Nigerian, but they didn’t make it the typical village scenes. They made basic jokes, intelligent conversations, and had nice set designs. I was like, wow, a lot of us don’t have access or know of movies like these. When people think of Old Nollywood, it’s the 90s and movies starring Genevieve and Omotola.
Why did you decide to make Sub-Sahara into a TV show first?
We wanted the everyday Nigerian with a TV to see it. Right now, the people who are seeing Sub-Sahara are average Nigerians. It’s not on Netflix or any streaming service, so the more well-off Nigerians can’t see it. Normally, it’s the other way around — iit shows in the cinema, and then it moves to TV maybe a year later. We didn’t want that.
How has moving from TV to theatre been?
Both formats are very different. We had issues with sound, editing, the format and had to correct them. Normally, editing an episode for TV takes like two or three days. We’ve been editing the movie since October last year. We are lucky because we were already using cinema-standard equipment for the show, so shooting it was easier.
How would you sell Sub-Sahara to me if you wanted me to go see it?
I would call it the first live-action play film. Why I would say it like this is because if you watch it, it is a play. From the narrator, the audience, the red curtains, the way we shoot it, the angles we are shooting from. I’ll call it the first-ever live-action play in Nigeria. I don’t know if anyone has done it ever, and that’s exciting.
What was casting like for Sub-Sahara?
The first person I cast was Darasimi Ogbetah. She plays a main character, Mama Kenny. Before Sub-Sahara, I went to America, California last year. After a while, I was tired of feeling whitewashed, Americanised. I thought, ”Why does glamour have to be white or American?”
So when I was going through people, I saw Darasimi, and there was this party picture of her that just took me to 80s Nollywood. It was in black and white. She was wearing a big hair and really bright makeup. The picture spoke glamour to me. I was like, this is perfect.
She was the first person I cast and Papa Kenny was next. Papa Kenny was very simple because he is a funny, animated guy. When I saw him, I told him, “I want you to play this role.”
There were a few people who turned us down. People who came on the set and at first didn’t understand what we were doing. But we pushed on, and you know, did some cast callings and came out with the best people.
What has been your favourite and worst part of making Sub-Sahara?
Well, my favourite part has been just creating, creating with people; being out there and doing what we like and want. The moment where we achieved what we wanted, where we were like, “Wow, we got this shot.” That was the best part.
The difficult part was working together. Our casts were like 12. There were a lot of new faces and some well-known faces like Sophie Alakija, Steve Chuks, but the majority of the cast were new. And so everyone had different opinions of what the movie should look like.
Listening to people’s opinions and working together was quite — I won’t say it difficult — but it was challenging to make sure everyone was happy.
When all is said and done, what do you hope people take away from Sub-Sahara?’
I hope they laugh, I hope they enjoy it, I hope they have fun. There is nothing like Sub-Sahara. I hope it makes them see things differently. We had a media screening, and some media people were taken aback — they were confused. Even the confusion, I encourage it. There are a lot of topics we touched on in Sub-Sahara that I feel like the average Nigerian would not like. We spoke about the LGBTQ+ community, police brutality. There are a lot of things that you don’t exactly see in Nigerian films. I hope they laugh first because it is a comedy, but I hope it is intriguing.
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I am personally very fascinated by the sugar baby and sugar parent relationship business model. I have read and also written several stories exploring it but typically from the perspective of the sugar baby. Prompted by a conversation with Zikoko’s editor-in-chief, I decided to start reaching out to the sugar babies I knew and asked them to put me in touch with the sugar daddies they knew so I could speak to them for this article. It took a minute but I was able to talk to four of them. Here is the story.
Andrew, 39, International Businessman.
I like very pretty girls who put in the effort with their appearance, the type who spend hours at the saloon, shopping etc. I like funding that lifestyle. My wife is the same way, so are all my girlfriends. The first time I had a sugar baby was about a year into my marriage. I met her at a wedding I attended with my wife and her beauty was blinding. I immediately found a way to slip her my number. We started talking after a while then it took off from there. I have about two girlfriends at any given time. The longest I have been with someone who isn’t my wife is two years, after that, I just find something else to excite me. I can fund it because I earn a pretty amount and in pounds. There’s almost nothing they want to ask for that I can’t afford. The most I have ever spent on a woman who isn’t my wife at once is ₦3 million.
Dele, 40, Managing Director.
I like women that make my head turn. I don’t get involved with people I work with at all, I keep it professional, I also don’t get involved with anyone my wife knows or might know. Events, house parties, and stuff like that are where I meet people. Because I tend to carry women I date to events, I need them to look classy and expensive before I even meet them. The longest I have been with someone who isn’t my wife is five years. She is like my main side chick and I have toyed with the idea of marrying her. I don’t have a reason why I do it to be honest, I just do. The most I have ever spent on a woman who isn’t my wife is the most I spent to lease my main side chick’s apartment in Abuja. Something in between ₦10 million and ₦15 million.
David, 34, Producer.
I have never looked for a sugar baby, to be honest. I don’t have a type but now and then, I meet someone that I can’t just let go of. I’ve been married for three years and I have had two sugar babies. The first person was a babe that I met during a burial. She was so magnetic. I haven’t been with any of my ‘sugar babies’ for longer than six months. I get bored easily, I think that’s why I regret getting married. Anyways, the most I have spent on a sugar baby is the money I spent buying a Macbook which cost about ₦600,000.
Tobi, 42, Contractor.
My wife and I kinda lost the spark after a while. So I did the next logical thing and decided to find it outside. The thing is when you are an older man especially a wealthy one, people don’t view you as possibly wanting anything romantic. They see it as transactional. I try to forget that the reason I am even able to speak to them, the reason they are talking to me is because of the money. I have met some intelligent women through it all so there’s that. I don’t necessarily look for anything specific but I like women who wow me. The most I have ever spent on a woman is equal to ₦800,000.
- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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Can you guess what the best sport was in Old Nollywood was? It’s husband snatching! Back in the day and apparently till today, it was really easy to snatch Nigerian men from their wives.
Today, we are ranking some of our favourite actresses who played the hell out of those husband snatcher roles.
Uche Jumbo

Uche Jombo isn’t particularly known for play husband snatcher roles but in the absolutely iconic and chaotic movie Beyonce and Rihanna, Uche Jombo made a particularly gutsy move by going for the man who was in the middle of the struggle. Do you know what it takes to attempt to steal a man two women are fighting for? The gall!
Mercy Johnson

I don’t think many Nollywood stars have played unwitting husband snatchers quite like Mercy Johnson. The uneducated househelp who somehow managed to bag her oga and chased out the madam that brought her in is one trope that boggles my mind but somehow, Mercy Johnson has become the queen of it.
Genevieve Nnaji

In the movie “Blood Sister”, Genevieve Nnaji poisoned her sister just so she could steal her husband and you know what, I stan. The dedication, the focus, the callousness. On one hand, I condemn such behaviours. On the other, go her!Regina Askia

I don’t know how else to say this but Regina Askia is the blueprint. She is the OG bad girl, she made it possible for the other girls to do it. She is the standard and the ceiling itself. While she played a plethora of husband snatching roles that I love, I am obsessed with her role in where she not only stole Tony Umez from his wife, she locked him a groundnut bottle.
QUIZ: What’s Your Most Toxic Trait?

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Ever wanted to find out what Old Nollywood bad boy you secretly are?
Take this quiz to find out.
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Most people hope to have great co-workers and to have a decent enough relationship with them, however, what if it is a little more than just a decent relationship? Workplace romance isn’t nearly as rare as many think it is or hopes it is. Today, we spoke to five Nigerians about dating their co-workers.
Ivie, 26.
It was my boss at the first company I worked at when I came back. Our colleagues always joked that he was married with kids but I had spoken to him and gone to his house where he lived with his housemate so it was hard to believe. Anyway, we started going out, we’d go home together some days or work late in the office some days. It didn’t get in the way of the working dynamics as far as I remember. Anyway, I found out he was married (no kids) after two months and he brought his elder sister to the office to beg me saying they’ve been separated and just not gotten a divorce etc💀 so embarrassing. Anyway, I hadn’t started having sex then and he was gonna be the first. He was the “first” alright except it wasn’t consensual. Anyway, I left the company after that and never spoke to him again.
Collin, 32.
You know how people are always scared of HR finding out they are dating a co-worker? I was sleeping with HR. We didn’t plan it but the sexual tension and chemistry were just wow. The first time was when he and I stayed back in the office because I had a project I needed to turn in and he was filling something. We ended up kissing and we started sleeping with each other for a year. I stopped being into it a few months in but he was there and was easy dick so why not. It stopped because my next job took me out of the vicinity.
Jonathan, 30.
We were already dating before my partner got a job where I work. I was angry because workplace relationships are so tricky to navigate but I tried to ignore my anger because he needed steady employment. I couldn’t keep that up for long so my anger bubbles to the surface and we fought because it was unfair for him to not tell me first. Even though we talked about it and got past that, I still had reservations about the entire arrangement. But it’s been chill so far. It’s still weird though. We interact at work but are careful to not act too chummy so no one gets any ideas. Then there’s the whole hiding the relationship from everyone which is exhausting. That being said, it also has it’s perks. Even though my case has been great, I wouldn’t advise anyone to do it. I think it’s weird for a couple’s lives to be so intertwined. Do as I say, not as I do.
Tayo, 25.
I was working at this tech startup last year and the culture was very lax which is very different from other places I have worked. Because of that, I didn’t immediately clock that the head of the team I was on was flirting with me. He would give me rides and advice and stuff like that. Then one day, he tried kissing me. I was like ‘Uhm, no.’ He kept asking and pressuring and I didn’t want to but it’s a bit hard to say no to your superior because of how people are or can be. We hooked up a few times, it wasn’t bad but he kept wanting more. I eventually left for a different job where I was the team head. I highly advise startups to take HR seriously. The way the HR was set up at mine, I knew reporting to them would get back to the guy so what was the point?
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If there’s one thing the TV show Insecure did for me, it is burn the word ghosting as well it’s impact on people into my skull. Today, we spoke to five young Nigerians who have been ghosted on what their worst experience being ghosted has been.
Chinelo, 23.Right so, in my first year in uni, I started seeing this guy. It was a talking stage but I really liked him and I think he liked me (I’m not sure anymore cause who ghosts someone they like in such a wicked way). Anyways, it was really good for two months, everything started to go left after he stood me up on Valentine’s day and then he denied me when my best friend saw him at Amigo and told him “when are you resuming, your babe misses you”. This man said, “what babe? I don’t have a babe o”.
Fast forward to two weeks after this event, he came back to school and told me we wouldn’t be able to talk much on the phone because his phone was bad, I didn’t think anything of it because we’re in the same uni so I can always see him right? This man’s phone was “bad” for the whole of the Easter holiday and after that. We didn’t talk once. One day I went on WhatsApp and saw him online, he still hadn’t tried to contact me so I thought when we get back to school we’d just settle it. He didn’t resume for the first two weeks and the day I finally saw him, this man walked past me like he didn’t know who I was, it happened more than once. I was so confused because he’d go on IG and like my photos but he wouldn’t talk to me when he saw me. Once, I and my BFF ran into him in our cafeteria and he said Hi to her and ignored me like I wasn’t there. I wanted to faint. It took me 8 months to get over it and this idiot dared to text me to “check on me” after I’d fully moved on.
Jamie, 23.
So I met her and we started off as friends, as these things go. We went to Unilag together. Different departments. We’d just hang out after school, walk together to the gate, eat together, etc. Then I started liking her. She found out, and the relationship sort of changed. She kinda led me on. She didn’t say she didn’t like me back, but we started doing more stuff like going to the movies together, chilling in each other’s apartments, getting drunk and whatnot. I spent my birthday with her. It was beginning to get interesting sha. I was pretty sure we were going to end up dating. We were together almost everyday, talking on the phone, FaceTiming etc.
And then one Friday, I didn’t have classes, so I called her in the morning and asked if we would hang out later that day. She sounded dejected and when I asked why, she said we’d talk about it when we saw. She said I should call her by 5 pm. We’d been out a few days earlier and everything was okay. Now, NEPA had cut our light and my phone was on 4%. This was like 9 a.m. So I waited at home, doing nothing, waiting for 5pm (I know that sounds stupid, but if I didn’t have any plans with her, I would have left home earlier and just gone somewhere to charge my phone and chill. I just decided to wait till I saw her before I left home.)
I called her at 5pm. She didn’t pick. I put my phone back on airplane mode. 5:30pm, she didn’t pick. Airplane mode. 5:45pm and 6pm. Didn’t pick. So I texted her and said “Hey, you didn’t sound okay the last time we spoke, and now, you’re not picking. Are you good?” She read it and didn’t reply. I was so worried. Then my phone died.
I didn’t try to call her after that. On the next day, I was looking at WhatsApp stories when I saw her’s. She was posting pictures of herself smiling. I still didn’t try to contact her, I was waiting for her to contact me. She kept posting stories so I was sure she was okay. That text I sent her was the last time we spoke.
I bumped into her about 3 months later in school. Her reason for ghosting me like that: I’m sorry, I just got really busy that day and I forgot to reach out to you after.
Uju, 20.
Not sure I’d say “horrible” but I met this guy at a wedding in Kaduna, he lives in Abuja and I was in Lagos at the time. We hit it off instantly, like made out and everything. I went back to Lagos he went back to Abuja and we were talking for like a good two weeks. I even sent him a full platter of food twice as per lover babe. Anyway one morning, I texted him and no response. I called, messaged, nothing for like a week. I called his best friend (who is my best friend’s brother) and he said he had spoken to him so he wasn’t dead he was just ghosting me. Anyway, he came to apologize and said it “happens”.
Chisom, 28.
So this guy and I had been talking, it was a long-distance situationship but things were moving fast and none of us had a problem with it then he didn’t talk to me for like a week. At first, I wasn’t so mad, I didn’t panic as much. Then he reached out and said he had some stuff he was dealing with and I kind of understood. We talked all through summer and then I didn’t hear from him for about 96 days. His number wasn’t going through, I couldn’t reach him on social media. I sent emails, he never responded and then one random day he called me. I kept looking at the phone. I didn’t want to pick it up but I eventually did. Because I wanted closure but yeah things died after that.
Martha, 32.
Two years ago, I met this guy at my friend’s birthday party. We were flirting and eventually exchanged numbers. After that, we hung out and made out and stuff. A month into the ‘relationship’, I texted him and he didn’t reply. Called, the same thing. After a few days, I went to visit him as per caring girlfriend. He wasn’t around. I asked my friend whose birthday I met him from, she said she didn’t know him like that. One day, like a week into the disappearing act, he posted on Instagram. I was like ‘what?’ I DMed him. After he read it, he blocked me. That was when I knew what happened. The next time I saw him was at a friend’s wedding a few months later when I was serving food. Omo, I was dishing rice and crying. God forbid.
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There’s a popular joke on Twitter that the Nigerian dream is to japa – leave, relocate to a different and hopefully better country – however there are many Nigerians including and especially the young ones who have been unable to leave, or have chosen not to. So we spoke to nine young Nigerians on why they haven’t left Nigeria already.
Hazel, 20.I haven’t left because of school. I am in my final year in university and the plan is to leave after school but with the ASUU strike of last year? My plans were delayed by at least 1 more year. I am still going to leave but make e no be like say I go to school for 6 years, I no come collect my degree. Everyone thought I was devastated because of Covid-19 in 2020 but I was devastated because of ASUU and my plans to japa especially as Naira keeps falling and the dollar is getting more expensive and Bubu, the bad boy can wake up and ban IELTS tomorrow.
David, 30.
There are multiple reasons, but the main one for me is a fear of starting over in my career. I’m not sure my talents, which have been appreciated here, will have the same reaction abroad. That terrifies me. I see myself landing there and having to work as an intern. It might not even be a logical fear, but I don’t trust the whites not to act like the work I did in Nigeria is invalid simply because I did it in Nigeria. That being said, the more Nigeria frustrates me, the more I’m willing to risk it. Intern abroad is better than Oga in Nigeria.
Daniel, 26.
There are a couple of reasons, but I will speak on the two major ones. I trained and prepared myself to earn in Forex while living in Nigeria. That’s what I spent my Uni days doing, while my mates were pursuing first class so they can further their studies abroad with scholarship. The second is my responsibility to my siblings. The cost of studying abroad – I haven’t thought of any other reason to go abroad beyond school – will be too much for my parents and it will force them to focus less on my siblings. So I cancelled every plan for my Masters, local or international, to focus on earning and supporting my parents with my siblings’ education. I just paid my sister’s tuition for my Masters, and I hope that allows my parents to focus on the younger ones, one is a Jambite, the other is writing SSCE. Maybe when they are ready, my parents can focus on just one person and send them abroad. I think it all comes down to money. Maybe responsibility too, as the first child, I’m okay with denying myself some goals or pleasure if it will allow my siblings soar.
Ademide, 23.
First, my mom unconsciously put her fear of failure into me. After she gave me money for the IELTS exam and classes, She started threatening me with fear, she’ll be like “if you fail it, I don’t have money for another exam o”. And in class, I’m seeing people writing the exam the third or fourth time. Fear got to me and I never registered for it so I don’t fail it. When my elder sister and I were in the university, we stayed together, she was already through but got a job around the campus so our parents made us stay even when I begged my dad not to. Next thing, she started analyzing my life and she’ll be dropping comments like: “If you leave this country, wahali, you’ll start doing drugs”, “Is this what you’re wearing? If you leave this country, I wonder what you’ll wear?”. I did not know my mom had spoken to her about me leaving and I was very young and naive then. I became scared I was going to be like the girl in the literature book we read in secondary school who became a prostitute and her brother a drug addict. But now? Abegi, what is ashawo? Everybody is ashawo.
Tobi, 25
My issue is that I applied for my transcript in October last year but NASU is proving to be a bitch. Every time I call about the said transcript, it’s always “there’s no work, we’re on strike” and this has been the same caller tune back to back. Then I’m like, let me get the passport down at least. I got to NIS did the whole biometrics and capturing then they told me to come back a week later to collect the passport. I went over there but it was a different ball game. One of the officials told me there is no paper for the type I want to do. I wanted to do – the 32 pages. Another official told me I have to call my contact – that is the person I came through to register. So I’m guessing, you can’t collect a passport without knowing anybody inside the office. Finally my contact said “the Hausas are the ones printing the passports, and they are printing for 64pages now.’’ He also mentioned that the system was having issues linking the NIN to the passport. What I got from there was that they are not printing the type of my passport – 32 pages – and now my passport is almost going into the 3rd month and lastly, letter of recommendations from school. I called this professor of mine about that and he said no problem I should just write out a draft of the letter then he’d edit and send it them. This was November. I just thought the man had sent it because the school didn’t request it from me. Then I was just prompted to ask the school again if my letters had come in and then someone replied yesterday with “your letters have not arrived.”
Sarah, 24.
So, there’s a lack of funds as the primary reason, but then, it’s also because I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself. I’ve secured admission to a university in London, but I also haven’t applied for scholarships because I don’t think I’ll get one and rejection mails are hard to bear. I’m scared of starting over, whenever I think about it, my anxiety takes me on a wild ride on everything that could go wrong. A lot of my friends that have left had very supportive or financially stable families, my family is just trying to get by. I know if I truly applied myself, I could probably get the ball rolling, but that thought that I could fail stops me from trying. Lastly, I’m the last breadwinner standing at home. If I quit my job, leave this place and not get anything worthwhile to support home with for some time, I don’t know how my family will get by.
Zainab, 20.
As a gay person, you’d think I have no reason to still want to stay in this stupid place, but I have a family. I don’t know how to explain it, but the queer community in Lagos is my home. How do I just leave all of that and start again? I know how long it took me to find family, I’m not ready to navigate all of that again. I’d be lonely, and I’m an only child so I’ve been lonely all my life. I can’t. Eventually, I’d have to leave, but I’d put it off for as long as I can just because of family.
George, 28.
As much as I want to leave this underground Super Mario level disguised as a country, I’m terrified of starting a new life in a country where I know no one. Simply put, I’m tired of living here but I’m too scared to leave. Talk about an abusive relationship.
Bamise, 24.
Alright. So my late father was pro-stay in Nigeria. Not because he thought it was imperative to stay and build – he’d been heartbroken by the country several times – he was just not crazy about going abroad because he was aware that nowhere is without its strife and problems. And my father was/is one of my biggest role models, so his stance made the japa mindset alien to me. Also, I’m a young creative and given Nigeria’s booming creative industry, my target audience, community and employers are all here. I love my job and I’m excited about my other interests as well. I’m also convinced that my star and even ‘my Jesus’ is in Nigeria and that all that going abroad holds for me is crazy hustling, disillusionment, cold and racism. Then again, despite my father being a heartbroken Nigerian, he still had a smidgen of hope in the coming generation fixing things. I’m also quite heartbroken and my pro-stay in Nigeria stance at times has me feeling very hopeless because this country is very much so.
But somewhere, I still have hope in us being the change we want to see. We had #Endsars as proof that we can band together for good. So till then, I’ll keep working and living here, I hope to start earning in dollars soon and then, find a way to better my immediate community and hope it tides over the nation at large.
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One of the absolute best parts of old Nollywood has to be all the baddies that we had, and sometimes when we’re lucky we’ll have as much as five in one movie. Today, we are ranking all the actresses who often played campus baddies.
Mercy Johnson

Mercy Johnson was always the best choice to play the new girl who just came to the campus and is wearing unnecessarily baggy clothes but is going to dethrone the campus’ queen B in two weeks. The way Mercy Johnson always switched up from the baggy Mary-Amaka skirt and the village-girl naivety to a spaghetti top and denim skirt shorter than my pinky and with more street knowledge than all the city girls put together is a transition even Tiktokers today can’t recreate.
Ini Edo

I can’t think of a better way to explain it but Ini Edo is one of those sweet queen B’s that somehow always wins. She’s a ten over ten in every area and hardly ever chooses violence, but when she does, she wins.
Oge Okoye

The main reason Oge Okoye is in the top three is that she is always ready to go from the charming queen of the campus to breaking a bottle on someone’s head without even switching up her stride. The fact that she never plays coy or pretends to not know she’s a bad bitch is just everything to me.
Rita Dominic

It’s not often you see a Nigerian woman in a movie with a cigarette in one hand and a gun in the other and all during her free period between GES 101 and HST103. A what? A queen. All the other queens in this list – whom I love and adore by the way – often prefer to play the long game and ascertain their opponent before making a move etc. However, campus queen Rita Dominic doesn’t do all of that. She’s direct, she’s violent and her makeup remains on point.
Genevieve Nnaji

Do you know why Genevieve is number one? Look at everything I’ve written about the other actresses, she has done worse and done it better in her campus-queen movies. Campus Queen Genevieve is the girl all the other girls want to be. She sows chaos and discord and yet looks like she hasn’t made a move. Do you know what it takes to call a couple making out at your birthday ‘couple of the day’ before telling them to get out then turning to someone and going ‘I don’t admit pigeons to my party’? Iconic behaviour.
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Pretty privilege is one of those things that is hard to measure. However, based on the amount of people who have admitted to enjoying it as well as the very obvious fact that as humans we tend to treat people we consider good-looking better than those we consider not as good-looking, it isn’t a reach to state that pretty privilege is a thing. As someone who is personally fascinated by the concept of pretty-privilege, I was excited to read the replies and experiences of people who responded to my call on Twitter with their experiences of being favored because of how they look.
Ibrahim.
It’s small things really, especially when I worked in legal practice. I usually always got picked for certain higher-profile cases, even when it wasn’t my area. Because clients liked how I looked and I fit the firm’s “brand” more. It definitely led to some resentment from my co-workers. For starters, someone “accidentally” poured water on my MacBook.n But yeah, even in court it helped. It’s amazing how far you can get by flirting with registrars.
Linda.
Okay. So when I was younger, teachers wouldn’t punish me, even when it was a general punishment. I easily get attended to when I go to the bank or any public space. They even walk up to me and I hardly stand in a queue. I easily get cash gifts from strangers for no reason (well, pretty privilege). People have paid for my stuff, shopping, flights and so on. Someone paid and upgraded my flight on the spot, a total stranger. I’ve generally made things easy for me in my everyday life and I know it wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t look like this. A lecturer one time saw my face during the examination and asked for my registration number and he immediately wrote it down on a piece of paper, turned out he gave me an A even before I finished the examination.
Vowe.
Last year when I just got to university, I was made deputy governor of my department literally on my first day because of my looks. To be honest, I’m not very qualified for the role and I barely do any work. The governor of my department, people in my department and I all know this, but I’m the deputy governor regardless. I believe the governor appointed me as his deputy simply because of how I look. This has been a reoccurring thing for me, I’ve always been given important posts in school even though I wasn’t qualified for them. I was made head girl, class prefect, assistant class prefect, chapel prefect, assembly prefect etc all because of my looks.
Chizoba.
About pretty privilege, I don’t remember a lot of it because I turn them down as they usually lead up to me being sexualized and sexually harassed so I’m usually very wary of things/offers I get because of how I look. Two scenarios come to mind, however. Once, I went for a job interview and there was a panel of four men who just kept gawking at me; they were speechless the whole twenty minutes the “interview” lasted and I was uncomfortable because one was starting to have an erection. They didn’t ask me any questions relating to the job I came for or any meaningful questions. They just took my CV and said they would contact me. They contacted me that same evening with a mouthwatering marketing job offer to resume immediately. I applied for a Human Resource and Welfare job. I did not acknowledge the offer.
Akuoma.
Some months ago, I had issues with my name not reflecting on the graduation list my school put out and I had fulfilled all my requirements, so I had to go to my faculty to complain. I was asked to re-submit my project and since I had my soft copy, I went to reprint. When I got back to the office, the Dean was just arriving and immediately she saw my face, she just lit up. When she noticed I was in distress, she invited me to her office – this is someone we all dread in my Faculty and other students were waiting to see her. She gave me water and asked what the problem was. When I explained to her, she called everybody in charge to ask about my project and why my name wasn’t on the list. She even gave me her number and email address so I could remind her and follow up. When a new graduation list came out two days later, she sent me a screenshot with the part that had my name. That’s the best thing pretty privilege has done for me.
Tina.
There was this time in 2018 or so. I wanted to get my PVC done. So I went with a friend and got there early but the queue was still massive, I was like number 140. Then this man walks past me and asks if I’ve been answered. I said no. He said okay and left. The queue was moving real slow so I made up my mind I was going to leave at midnight. Then 45 minutes later, the man came for me and took me into the office with my friend. Fifteen minutes later, we were done. He didn’t even ask for my contact. He said he just didn’t want a fine girl like me stressing.
Ada.
I’ve gotten a lot of pretty girl privileges, when I was in my 2nd year of Uni, a politician that was asking me out to be his official side chick paid my rent of 200k, random people on Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter that I’ve never met send me money just because I’m pretty, I think the highest amount I’ve ever gotten online is 150k. I barely go clubbing but the few times I’ve gone people I do not know pay for my drinks and spray me money. People randomly send me gifts just because I’m pretty. One time, I went grocery shopping and one Alhaji in Abuja paid for everything I bought on the spot which was about N58,000. I had never met him before.
David.
Pretty privilege is funny because it is the little things. You gain followers faster on social media, people are nicer – even the ones that don’t want to sleep with you. Last year, I went for an interview with this tech company and once the guy doing the interview saw me it’s like he just breathed out. The interview was very smooth, he even asked me for beard tips. I got the job. I also got a promotion in six months to head of marketing for the whole company, my salary jumped from N350,000 to N600,000. I’m good at what I do but I know that my looks made that possible.
- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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Some people hear a voice in their head when they think and some people just don’t. In the same way, some people need to listen to music when having sex and those who don’t.

If you are part of the former and you’re a Nigerian, then you likely need a selection of Nigerian songs that are relatable which you can listen to when having coitus. To help on this front, we spoke to eight Nigerians on the Nigerian songs they have in their sex playlist and the answers are fascinating.
Ready? Let’s go!
Vee.
Ma Pariwo by Zinolessky
It’s like Neighbours Know My Name by Trey Songz but in Yoruba. It’s a great sex song, not too slow but with a steady beat.
Ayo.
Tipsy by Odunsi The Engine feat RAYE and Rock Your Body by Burna Boy.
These mostly because I can picture myself moving to them, either dancing or having sex.
Lola.
Chineke Meh by Ezi Emela
It sounds like a Christian song of someone calling God but it’s about a girl screaming God’s name as her partner touches her.
Aisha.
Tattoo by Fireboy DML
The song has this power that makes me feel super loved and confident with my skin and the skin of my lover.
Nnanna.
Right Now by Seyi Shay
This song is on my sex playlist because it is a mood setter.
G-Sting.
Sad U Broke My Heart by Amaare
This song feels like having one of the best sex of your life with a toxic ex. You know it’s bad for you but you’re enjoying the fuck out of yourself.
Dammy.
Fores by Tay Iwar.
Adding this song because it sets the mood and is perfect for back shots.
Temple.
Like Me – Jess ETA and SGaWD
The tempo is right, with excellent lyrics, vocals with the texture of velvet.
Freaky – Santi
Love that the lyrics depict a mixture of enjoying guilty pleasures and lovelorn yearning.
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I have been putting out journo requests — open calls asking people who have experience or insight to share them for a story -— long before I started working at Zikoko. However, I have never seen a lack of response to a journo request as I did with the one I put out for this article.
The tweet I put out asking for Nigerian men to DM me about the best part of being married got more than 200 retweets — a lot more retweets than my average journo request gets. So the low lack of responses from Nigerian men left me wondering if it was indicative of something else.
However, these five Nigerian men were willing to share what the best of being married is to them.
Emmanuel.
I think the best thing about being married is that you are married to your person. Someone you can be yourself with and not be judged, someone you can be vulnerable with and not be called weak. Someone to share all your wins and fails with. Someone that makes you know you aren’t alone.
Kachi.
For me, the best part about being married is that I get to wake up every day, as I have for the past six years next to my crush. We have so many inside jokes to the point of almost feeling like we have our own language. We’ve never fought (yes, disagreements but not fights). It’s the best thing about my life.
Manuel.
The best part of being married to me is that I always have someone. I was an only child growing up so having someone that goes hard for me, the way I. go hard for them is mindblowing and new and very different. I am grateful.
Bassey.
In 2019, I got fired from my job and the day I came back, I didn’t even need to tell my wife. She just knew. She never used it against me even we quarrelled, she just took care of the bills – both what she normally paid for and what I was supposed to pay for. I got a new job almost eight months later and she didn’t for once make me feel like a failure or anything at any point. I got her a car last November because it was the only way I could think to make her feel appreciated. That understanding and support I get from my marriage is the best thing.
T.
I think I owe my life, the way it is now, to my wife. When we were dating, I said I wanted to go into photography. She bought me my first camera with money she stole from her dad. When I moved to marketing, she was the one that secured my first interview for me. When I said I wanted to my Masters, she was the one that helped me research. Do you know how people pray that the Holy spirit should go before them and behind them? For me, it’s my wife that goes before me.
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Onscreen chemistry is one thing Old Nollywood got right. Some actors and actresses just had this thing that left you rooting for them hard even when you don’t think you should be. We decided to rank the top five couples from Old Nollywood that were everything.
Genevieve Nnaji and Emeka Ike

I know Tony Umez is everyone’s favourite Nollywood lover boy but for me, the distinction goes straight to Emeka Ike because he often played the poor boy always willing to love with all his heart and give what he didn’t have. And the best part? He did it all without being jazzed even a bit. The movies he and Genevieve Nnaji played love interests were, in my books, some of the best Nollywood romantic dramas and if we ever get a thriving rom-com movie industry in Nigeria, I would still love to see them in something.
Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde and Tony Umez
When I think of this couple, I just imagine Omotola in one of those flowing bubbas while Tony goes off to work angrily even though his wife and life is perfect. The couple always started out every movie stressing the daylights out of me but the good thing about them and the reason they made it to this list, is that the love they display in the final act of the movie tends to always more than makeup for it.
Rita Dominic and Jim Iyke
Something about this couple just seemed violent. A lot of Rita Dominic’s early roles required guns, short axes and a lot of violence and so did Jim Iyke, the OG bad boy, so when you brought the duo together, it was like Nollywood Bonnie and Clyde but they somehow made that work. I don’t know how they did but I stan.
RMD and Stella Damascus
Before we say anything, can we talk about the beauty overload of this couple? Like wow. This is out of this world. Of all the Nollywood couples on this list, this is the one I have always wanted to adopt me. The beauty, the grace, the confidence, the elegance. And that’s just RMD.
Genevieve Nnaji and Ramsey Nouah

When I think of Genevieve and Ramsey Nouah all I think about is a montage that shows them eating ice-cream in a park or restaurant while Marc Anthony’s I Need You plays in the background. These two are the OG couple who inspired every other couple and it is time they get their flowers. -
Erica Nlewedim knew she was going to be a star way before her dedicated fanbase, the Elites, coined the moniker, ‘Star girl’. As a child, an only child, Erica spent most of her days alone, imagining and reimagining her future, looking at it through different career lenses — some days, she wanted to be a model, other days an actress, and on others, a singer.
In all her aspirations, one thing was consistent, Erica wanted to be a force worth reckoning with. Fast forward to today, the 26-year-old is one of the most recognisable names in Nigeria — actually Africa — and possibly one of the biggest and most beloved stars to come out of the Big Brother Naija franchise since its inception.

Zikoko: How have you been since you left Big Brother Naija?
Erica: I’ve been good, and I’ve been stressed. Life has been on fast forward — everything has been happening so fast — but I’ve been good.
Before you went on Big Brother, you already had an interesting resume — from beauty queen to actress. Tell me about that.
I’ve always wanted to be successful, and I’ve always wanted to be someone big in the entertainment industry. I even thought I would be a musician. At some point, I went for a pageant and won an award, but it was not the main prize.
So I asked myself, “What comes naturally to you?” I wanted to be a singer, but I was shy and did not want to have to perform. But I could act — I was in a theatre group at my university. So I decided to start telling everyone I met, “I’m an actress” even though I had a 9 to 5 at the time, which I hated. It worked because people started plugging me.
How has your career trajectory been since you left the house?
I went to film school even before Big Brother, but since I came out, I’ve decided I want to be an A-lister. Not just an actress. I want to be the most recognised actress, in the biggest, award-winning movies.
Since Big Brother, I have been in a series. A few days ago, I did the poster shoot for an upcoming movie. I’m travelling to be on the movie set next week. I also have a web series coming soon.
Talk about booked and busy.
Haha, yes.
Who are some of your biggest influences?
Genevieve Nnaji in Nigeria. Charlize Theron, Scarlet Johansson, Lupita Nyong’o and Angelina Jolie, internationally. I love Beyoncé, and I am also a huge Rihanna fan — I wouldn’t be able to choose one. I also love Don Jazzy, Wande Coal, WurlD and Tiwa Savage.
Your taste is premium.
Thank you so much.
What was growing up like for you?
Growing up was kind of lonely for me. I am an only child, so I was always on my own. I was always reading books and novels to entertain myself, and I was always imagining my future. I kept looking forward to growing up and becoming a big star.
Now that your wish has come true and you’re an adult, how do you find adulting?
LOL. Well, adulting is really difficult, but at least, I’m happy. I am doing what I love doing, and I am successful at it.
Speaking of success, how has it been going from an upcoming actress to a famous superstar?
It used to be overwhelming, but I’ve gotten used to it now. At some point, I didn’t understand how popular I’d become. I was still seeing myself as the same old Erica, but now, I’ve had time to get used to it.
What was the moment you realised you were famous?
I think it was when I went to Sierra Leone. I had never seen that kind of crowd before, cheering for me, and in another country. Before I went to Sierra Leone, the biggest crowd I had seen cheering from me was at my Meet and Greet, and I was like, “I truly have people that love me”. But in Sierra Leone, It was the whole city. I was happy and I just kept thanking God.
So what is it like having such dedicated fans?
It makes me feel like I have a family. I’ve always wanted to feel like I have many people who have my back. Growing up I was alone, so it feels good knowing that I have a lot of people who love me.
What’s your favourite social media app?
Instagram. Life is always good on Instagram. Instagram is a feel-good app.
Not Twitter?
Everyone’s always angry on Twitter. On Instagram, everyone’s always ready to compliment you, post pretty pictures, and show the best side of life.
How do you react to negative comments?
I’ve gone through different stages. At first, it didn’t seem real because I never connected to the insults. I felt detached. After a while, the insults started getting to me, and I reacted because I wasn’t happy.
But now? I don’t even look at it. If you insult me, and I don’t see it, how will I know you insulted me?
How has it been navigating the industry as a woman?
Simply put, before Big Brother, it was tough. After Big Brother, it’s been good. Right now, most of the people doing the biggest things are women. People like Mo Abudu and Funke Akindele. It’s women doing great things. So that helps.
You said it was tough before Big Brother, how so?
Most Nigerians won’t watch a movie in the cinema if they don’t see a popular and familiar face. So for me now, before Big Brother, I wouldn’t get my face on a poster, especially only me, because I didn‘t have a fanbase.
Now, I’m popular, in addition to my talent, hard work, time in film school and all. The popularity crowns it all and now, I am getting the kind of roles and productions I’ve always wanted to get.
You’ve been doing a lot for a long time. What keeps your fire burning?
Anyone can die at any time. I never want to look back at my life and feel like I didn’t live my life or be all I could be. I don’t want to have regrets. When I see all these successful, famous, rich people, I look at them and think, are these people better than me? They aren’t. They probably were more hardworking or had more time or more connections. But they aren’t better than me. Anything they do that I admire, I can do it if I put in the work.
Do you have a message for your fans?
Continue to be positive. Ignore the awful people. I want you to know that I was a fan of some people and because of how I admired certain things of those people, I have become someone to look up to.
So I hope I can serve as a good inspiration for someone to become successful, or a star or the best in their field. It is because I saw other people doing things that made me say I can do it too. So I hope I can be that person to my fans.
QUIZ: Only True Elites Will Get 7/11 On This Erica Quiz

Are you a true Elite? Test yourself.
Featured Image Credit: Abayomi Akinaina
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Do you know what one of the most awkward things in the world is? Your friend comes up to you, handing you their phone to listen to their music while smiling hard, their eyes filled with hope and love so you listen but realize, it just isn’t good. Then they ask you, what do you think? Now you are in an awkward situation wondering what to say or do. Don’t worry, Zikoko dey for you. Here’s a guide on how to tell your friend their music career is a mistake.
Cut Up Your Ears After Listening To Their Song.

Just listen to us. Is it dramatic? Very. But it passes the message across. Once they finish playing the song for you, calmly remove the earphones from your ears, pick up a knife, look at them deep in their eyes, and in two swift motions, cut out both of your ears. I assure you, they’ll never sing again. I just hope you don’t have any other friend who wants to go into music and need your opinions because then, there’ll be a problem.Have a Conversation About It.

Let’s say for whatever reason, you do not want to be dramatic and cut off your ears, you could talk to them and have a nice conversation. Here are our top picks for things to say to them after realizing their music is irredeemably bad.
‘A 9 to 5 might be more your speed, don’t you think?’
‘I think Chicken Republic is hiring. Think about it.’
‘We all have different talents. Keep trying, you’ll find yours.’
‘Is this a demo? As in, is this the finished song? Wow.’Leave Job Openings Around Them.

Let’s say you want to go for something even more subtle. You could smile after listening to their song and in the coming days, cut out job opening clippings from newspapers and sprinkle them around their house. Borrow their phones, open job searching websites and hand the phone back to them. Drop some search flyers on their gas cooker. Use a job flyer as a fan. After one week, they’ll get the message.
Lie Your Ass Off, Forever.

I want you to know that lying is very much still an option. You could tell them their music is the best thing since sliced bread and that Beyonce should watch out. The problem with this is that once you’ve uttered this lie, get ready to commit to it. You’ll have to be their biggest cheerleader when they throw concerts and you are the only person in attendance, get ready to more than overcompensate.
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From Jim Iyeke to Hanks Anuku, Nollywood knew how to make the perfect bad boy that simultaneously leaves you rolling your eyes while also going, damn! Here we guide you on how to become one yourself!
Get Your Accent Game Up.

First of all and perhaps most importantly, you need an accent. This is what differentiates you from the other boys. Get an American accent, get an European accent, get a Nigerian Lagos-meets-Abuja accent and mix it all together with a sprinkle of something that seems to be but isn’t exactly a Jamaican accent. So when you speak it is almost like a legion of spirits – read demons – are speaking through you. Also, don’t forget to claim you got the accent because you schooled in the overseas. Did you study in America? Europe? No one knows but you schooled in the ‘overseas’ for two years and now speak in five accents. Get this and you have started your journey down the Nollywood bad boy path.
Headwear Does Matter.
How do you tell a good boy from a bad one? By their headwear you shall know them. A good boy calmly wears his face cap and puts the front in the front but a bad boy? They don’t play the rules. Jauntily throw it up and wherever it lands on your head is where they’ll wear it for the rest of the day.
Don’t Forget Your Rich Parents.

To be a Nollywood bad boy, you need rich parents. Who else will send you on a world tour to learn how to mix five different accents and say ‘I wanna gonna, mate’? Exactly. Who will buy a hundred face caps that you will wear incorrectly? You also need them to be a little bit opposed about your bad boy lifestyle just enough so they can say they tried but eventually they’ll still give you the money to be your bad self.
Mum and Dad: Jim, you can’t keep doing this. You need to become responsible.
Jim the bad boy: Bloody hell, mum and dad. You guys don’t understand. I ain’t one of them quiet boys. I’m a bad boy.
*Jim shifts his cap to the back to show them he means business*
Mum and dad: Okay, Jim. We have tried. Here is N500,000. Buy more caps.
Stock Up On Strange Weapons.
Next up, as a bad boy you need weapons. Your weapon of choice is often an ax. Now why an ax? We don’t know. It’s small and so won’t do much damage. Plus you are not Thor so if you throw it, it won’t come back. Do you see why this makes no sense? But don’t ask us questions, ask Nollywood. You may also choose a weird small gun that you’ll tuck into your trousers and crotch. Is there a possibility that you’ll blow off your penis? Yes but we move, innit? Bloody hell.
You Need A Bad Girl but You Also Need A Good Girl.

To start, you need a ‘bad’ girl. Someone that matches you. You guys will probably have ‘his and her’ axes. She doesn’t open the doors of cars before she enters, this includes even the ones that have roofs. Her accent confuses even you, and she ties a bandana AND wears a cap incorrectly. Match made in heaven, yeah? Until you meet a good girl in your neighborhood who doesn’t like you and who you don’t share any similarities or interests with but you are convinced there is something here for you two to bond over. Does it make sense? Then again, what about a Nollywood bad boy does?
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Nollywood has a way of typecasting actors and locking them in certain boxes. While this has it’s issues, it also has its advantages and one of which is that we got to have a slew of Nollywood actors that were amazing at playing the villains and better yet, who were recognizable as villain-actors.
Today, we decided to rank our top five Nollywood villain-actors.
5. Chiwetalu Agu

See, I adore Chiwetalu Agu in his villain roles. But he is more or less a domestic villain with very simple motivations. Steal his brother’s land, his brother’s wife etc. However, he more than makes up for the lack of grandiosity with his premium banter and trademark Igbo proverbs in every movie. It is a bit hard to not root for him while he makes the life of everyone else unbearable.
4. Clem Ohameze

See Clem? When he plays a villain, he doesn’t waste time deciding if he wants to get initiated or trying to weigh good and bad, my guy is oftentimes already a senior member of the cult, he is offering his house up to be used for meetings and is already making bank from the rituals. No time to waste time.
3. Eucharia Anunobi

Eucharia isn’t particularly known for her villain roles but when she plays a villain she serves looks! Extra thin brows, stacked up hair, dramatic eye-shadows and flowing gowns. Helena Boham-Carter in Harry Potter was found shaking!
2. Kanayo O. Kanayo

Arguably the best part of Kanayo’s villain roles is that he always has a clear and very relatable objective – make money at all cost. And you know what? I absolutely get it. Kanayo makes it to the top of this list because he always kills his targets before the second act of the movie and does his money rituals as soon as possible. Sure he’ll meet his waterloo before the movie ends but I appreciate a king that puts his back into it and quickly.
- Patience Ozokwor

There’s just a certain flavour when Patience Ozokwor plays a villain in a Nollywood movie. The stares, the eye rolls, the way she slowly unwraps the poison she has tied in her wrapper before putting it in your plate of soup. It is simply exquisite. Her grace, her wickedness. Name someone better at the game than her, I’ll wait.
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The reason a Nigerian parent is angry at you can be as illogical as you doing your chores before they told you to do it or you simply being too happy when they think you don’t have a right to be. To better explain this, we spoke to eight Nigerians about the weirdest reasons their parents have ever been angry at them.
Moyosore, 25.
My mum got angry at me for eating the chicken she gave me. She gave me a piece of chicken and I started tearing it up. Next thing, “just keep eating everything ehn” followed by a long hiss. Madam, you gave it to me.
Tochi, 28.
My dad locked me in his room when I was like 6 years old because I said I didn’t want to be a neurosurgeon anymore. I wanted to be a traffic warden or shoemaker (those ones that walk around with their wooden boxes). I was supposed to be rethinking my decision in the locked room.
Tinu, 21.
I cried because I got 99/100 on a test and I was such a goody two-shoes. My mum got mad and beat me to ‘really give me something to cry about since water is plenty in my eyes.’ I stopped giving a shit about school from that day I was so pissed.
Amina, 26.
Okay, don’t know if this counts but when I was a child, my mother used to get mad at me a lot because she thought my dad liked me more. She treated me like her competition in the house. It was so confusing and weird. So like if my dad takes me out or buys me stuff she’d get angry and say I can have him.
Philip, 25.
My dad used to flog me for singing and rapping. He said I was following the way of the world. They are Jehovah’s witnesses. He ended up killing the artistic side of me and making me way less expressive. I remember watching Project Fame with excitement and ambition and he would flog me, insult the contestants and change the channel.
Andre, 23.
One time, I washed plates and cleaned the house before my mum came back from work so she wouldn’t be angry. When she came back, I told her that I’ve finished doing the chores. She got angry because I was talking like I wasn’t living in the house and like it was just her plates. She asked me to kneel and think about my ‘lack of gratitude’. Till today, I am still thinking about it.
James, 26.
That year when everyone was buying Nokia Xpress music, I saved up my money to buy one and finally did. The day my mom saw it, she asked me who owns it and I said it was mine. She went berserk. She called my dad and said that I had grown wings and was looking at the things of the world. She told me that our own wasn’t the worst and that I don’t have the right to be buying things at such a young age. She ended up seizing the phone and that was it.
Ojenge, 22.
My mum slapped me because she *thought* I was anorexic and was even taking food supplements because I had told her some people in my school took supplements.
Jonathan, 28.
My dad used to use shaving powder and when he found out people were sniffing glue, he started hiding his shaving powder so we won’t start sniffing it. After a while, he couldn’t remember where he hid it so he started shouting at us and said it was our fault that it was missing.
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If there is a question we have never actually gotten an answer to, it’s how much does size really matter when it comes to sex and penises. We know it does but the question is to what degree? To help gain some insight, we spoke to five Nigerian men about being made of because of their penis size.
Ferdinand, Gay.
My partner has made fun of my penis a few times. He travelled once and we were on a video call and he said he wanted us to wank together, so I brought out my penis and he commented: “this your short dick.” It was so random and I kept thinking about it till I felt bad. I began googling penis enlargement stuff. When I asked my doctor friends, they told me none of those worked. The negative feelings get worse when I watch porn and see the dicks of these men then look at mine.
Tokunbo, Straight.
I have always felt bittered and rejected due to the size of my penis, I always lose my relationships after our first time having sex. Every woman I have been with always feels irritated by the size and it’s never enough. Hooking up and having relationships has been really frustrating for me and my penis size is something I think about almost every day and every minute of my life.
Chikwe, Straight.
I have what I thought was a decent size penis till I started having regular sex and my partners started complaining. Last year, I had sex with a girl who told me mid-sex to stop because she could not feel anything. She told me that if we must have sex, I need to wear a strap. I left, that was beyond insulting. I have looked into penis enlargement but I’m scared of taking the leap.
JJ, Bisexual.
It has happened twice, both were women. I sleep with men too and have never been body-shamed by a man yet – I’m surprised too. They both happened while I was in college and the first time I heard it, the girl was a little tipsy and she said “I really wish it was bigger”. It felt like something out of a movie. I think my self-esteem has been severely damaged since. I tend to not go on dates anymore just so I don’t waste anyone’s time and I don’t really talk about it because honestly, there are probably worse things going on and people for the most part think it’s funny and I don’t want to be made fun of.
Ife, Straight.
When it comes to this penis thing, I have suffered. The first time I realized it was really small was when I sent a dick pic to someone and she replied ‘wow’. Then she blocked me. One time, I was being intimate with someone and in the middle of her giving me a blowjob, she stood up and said she can’t do it anymore. That it was like licking a stick sweet. People act like size doesn’t matter but it does. I don’t date anymore, I hookup once in a while and it tends to happen once and they never come back for seconds and I know why.
- Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 32-year old pansexual trans man who grew up in Nigeria then relocated to the US. He talks about navigating sex as a trans man and dealing with transphobia from his partners.

What was your first sexual experience?
I was very reserved as a kid, and I didn’t do a lot of the adventurous stuff kids my age were doing. Then when I was fourteen, I remember messing around with this girl from school.
We didn’t do much — she would touch my legs and thighs sometimes in class. She was my first kiss and first attempt at sex, but what we had didn’t last long.
Why didn’t it last long?
Rumours started flying about us. People noticed and everyone was talking about how two girls were lesbianing together. Can you guess what happened next?
No. What?
The babe distanced herself from me and joined people in spreading rumours about me. I was considered a tomboy then, so I was an easy target. Like, this babe went from initiating stuff to making me out to be some kind of predator.
Jesus Christ.
It was awful, but it was, unfortunately, not my only experience with how stressful cis people can be. Luckily, my family moved states not long after that, and I didn’t return to that school the next year.
How did that affect you in the long term?
It was traumatising. People attacking me in that way, someone I was intimate with turning on me like that because of my gender expression is something I still deal with till today.
Till today? How so?
After I came into my gender identity, I dated this babe who said she was okay with my identities. She even had her pronouns in her bio. But whenever we would quarrel, she would use female pronouns on me.
When we made up, she would say she was caught up in the heat of it all and apologise. After we broke up, she told me she would send boys to beat me. Someone heard her telling people she would get boys to rape me.
It fucked me up for a long time.
I’m so sorry about that.
It’s fine. I am much better now.
How’s your sex life now?
Really good. It took me years to accept and find peace with my identities as a pansexual trans man, but I have and now, my sex life is thriving. I am having more and better sex in my thirties than I was in my twenties, and I hope it keeps getting better.
One thing no one tells you is that, as a queer person, you sacrifice your early years to your parents and society. We tend to belong to ourselves only when we are older. Now, I and my orgasms belong to me.
I am not currently dating anyone, but I’m also not searching, so I’m having regular sex — at least thrice a week — with many different people.
Do you still hook up with cis people?
Yeah, I do. Regularly. I always and without fail let them know my gender identity before we get into bed, but I don’t know if I want to date any cis person soon. I have suffered in their hands a little bit too much.
Fair. When did you realise you were pansexual?
I always knew, even though I didn’t know the word. The same way I always knew I wasn’t a girl despite what everyone said. I always liked who I liked. I would see a boy on TV and be like, “Damn”, then I would see a girl and feel the same.
People started calling me lesbian, and I accepted the label because I think I always knew that even though I like girls and boys, I like girls just a little bit more. But I didn’t explore my pansexuality until I got into university.
Why did you wait till then?
I think after what happened in secondary school, I repressed myself for a long time because I didn’t want to deal with that type of bullying or gaslighting. For uni, I went to the US. It was there that I came to terms with my pansexuality and transness.
I knew who I was before I got there, but being in that space helped me explore and understand it better. Then I made friends with similar identities and that just permitted me to be myself.
By my third year in uni, I was a certified slut. Every day, a new person. I felt like I wanted to make up lost time.

What about relationships?
I have a horrible track record with relationships. People are very violent with trans people, especially in relationships. The first person I was intimate with was the babe in secondary school.
The next person was a girl who kept using me for examples on social media and in real life. Like, casually using my experiences, body, and things she knew about me as a partner to be making examples on Twitter. All without my permission.
Hian.
See. I would tell her to stop, then she would apologise, and the next thing I would see is a tweet like “Trans men do not owe you a penis. My boyfriend hasn’t had bottom surgery, and I love his vagina.” It was too much.
The sex was the bomb, but after a while, I realised it was time to end it. The next girl was the one who was transphobic when we quarrelled. Then I dated someone when I was in Nigeria for a while. That might have been my best relationship.
Tell me about that.
It was with a trans woman. I was in Nigeria for a few months for a project, and I hoped to remain unattached for a while. Then I met her and we just clicked. I think it’s the similarity of our experiences and everything. From sexual appetite to our minds, we were actual matches.
What happened then?
Have you ever met someone that you just know is meant for you, but the location didn’t allow you to be the best couple you could be? That’s what happened.
I don’t think I have ever fallen that hard in love, but I had to go back to the US, and I am waiting for her to join when she’s done with her degree. I know once we are in the same place, it will work.
Wow. Have you dated anyone since then?
Yeah, a guy.
Oh?
Yup. Also by this time, I had a phalloplasty.
What’s that?
Bottom surgery. Most people know of metoidioplasty, the gender-affirming bottom surgery which helps a trans man get a new penis by enlarging the clitoris. I had a phalloplasty, which means they used skin grafted from my body to form a penis.
Then I had a penile implant so I can get and maintain erections.
That’s amazing.
Yup, it is. The first is more popular because it is more straight forward than the second and doesn’t require as many revisions or doctor visits. Luckily, after the project I had been working on, I could afford the procedure, as well as the time for all of this.
That makes sense, How did that affect your relationships moving forward?
Well, the boy I dated next spent a huge part of our relationship measuring our penises.
Excuse me?
Yup. I had to ask my friends in gay relationships if this was a normal thing, and they were all shocked. One time, he said mine was bigger because it was fake. I broke up with him via text.
He deserved it, please.
Plus the sex wasn’t really good. We keep dragging straight cis men, but the gay ones should up their game too.
LMAO. I agree.
I think people have been looking at me as a real trans man now that I have had top and bottom surgery, which is just sad. I have always been a trans man, even when my parents made me wear skirts and gowns.
I wish people realised your transness isn’t only legitimate after surgery.
True. How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Eight. I am having a lot of good sex regularly. I just hope it keeps getting better.
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Old Nollywood definitely had its problems. Corny storylines, really bad CGI etc. But one thing they were consistent with is giving us iconic campus queens who were all running things. I love them so much I decided to make a guide on how to be an old Nollywood campus bad girl.
- Get Your Fashion Game On Point.

Are you really an old Nollywood campus bad girl if you don’t own at least five spaghetti tops and unlimited denim skirts? You don’t own a ‘Rihanna’ wig and you want me to take you seriously? Please, come off it. Where are your oversized glasses?
- Always hold a cigarette.

Notice that I didn’t say smoke? I said hold. You need it lazily near your lips to give you a certain umph. If you are extra, you can smoke it every now and then to punctuate your sentences but if you really want to show everyone that you are the girl that you think you are, I highly recommend inhaling the cigarette smoke then blowing it up at someone’s face. Do that and you’ve earned like a 1000 bad girl points instantly.
- You need a ‘chief’ and a ‘baby’.

Now let’s talk about romantic partners. You can’t be single as a campus bad girl, I’m sorry but it doesn’t work like that. You need at least one sugar daddy whose name you yourself don’t know and you must call chief. Is he really a chief or have you forgotten his name and are hoping he buys this act of yours? We will never know! Chief’s job is to provide you with money, wear agbadas and promise you the world. Then you need a ‘baby’. Someone your age, think Emeka Ike or Desmond Elliot. This one is poor, wears baggy stripes shirts and carries a big bag all across the campus. Chances are he’s the best student in the department and helps you with your assignment. Your personal nerd. Look at you, a queen pulling men from different walks of life and even different generations. We what? We stan.
- ‘You need to use what you have to get what you want?’

You are not entirely sure what this means but as a Nollywood campus bad girl, you must use this line at least once. Perhaps when bringing in a recruit to the bad girl lifestyle, ensure your manicure is done and you have perfect acrylic nails and you can snap your fingers while slowly and emphatically saying ‘you have to use what you have to get what you want.’
- Storyline.

You have two options as a Nollywood campus bad girl when it comes to storyline. Option A: be a new girl on campus, you’ll enter uni clutching your Ghana-must-go, wearing a Mary Amaka skirt that has seen better days while scared of your own shadow. Two weeks later, you’ve bought a denim mini skirt, you’ve dethroned the old queen, you’ve stolen her ‘chief’ and maybe even her ‘baby’ but you still haven’t entered class since the first day that you went to get a time table. Option B: You are the OG bad girl on campus then you tried recruiting a new girl who was clutching her Ghana-must-go, next thing you know they’ve stolen your ‘chief’ and your ‘baby’ and even your apartment and you are just wondering where it all went wrong.

