Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 Dammy Eneli, Author at Zikoko! | Page 5 of 6
The first quarter of the year is over, and we’re looking for where to relax and turn up before we fully go into the next one. Here are six reasons why you should party with Johnnie Walker.
Highball cocktails for everyone
If there’s one thing that people hate during parties, it’s when the alcohol finishes before the party ends. Thankfully, this isn’t a thing that happens at Johnnie Walker parties; after all, they’re an alcohol brand. The chances of running out of drinks are ZERO. Remember to drink responsibly though.
They always bring artists to perform
Johnnie Walker says you don’t have to wait till December before you see your favourite artists perform. They bring artists such as Falz, Asake, Victony, etc., to you at every party they throw.
Meet old and new people
Johnnie Walker parties are so popular that there’s a high chance you’ll either run into old friends or meet new ones when you attend one. If mercury is not in lucozade, maybe, just maybe, you’ll also meet your new bae. Have the streets not tired you?
You’ll get to explore your artistic side through painting
A chance for you to drink alcohol, paint and dance, does it get any better than that? We’re not fully sure what popular philosopher Lojay meant when he said: “Ma jo Monalisa” but we’re almost certain it’s something around painting and dancing, and that’s what you get to do at a JW party.
There’s always a lot of food
We know Lagos people are triggered, but believe us when we say, “Don’t eat before coming.”. If all you want to do is eat and dance, attend the next Johnnie Walker party.
Premium entertainment
From the games to the various DJs to the hype people, Johnnie Walker always takes it to the next level with entertainment. With JW parties, you get games night, sip and paint, concert and fashion pop-up shops all combined into one. There’s never a single dull moment.
The good news is, you don’t have to wait too long. Johnnie Walkers is painting the town red with the Walkers District party. The Walkers District is spotlighting local artisans, rising musicians and growing fashion designers. If you’re a creative thinking about the next Monalisa, come through for some creative and alcoholic juices.
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Are you fried rice who loves attention? Or are you Jollof rice, the life of the party? Take this quiz and find out.
My family is home for Easter, and I have mixed feelings. I’m excited to spend time with them, but at the same time, I’m not ready for their wahala. There are pros and cons to spending your Easter holidays with your family. I’ve listed five of them in this article.
Pro: There may be plenty of food to eat
Even if nothing special is happening for Easter, there’s a high chance someone in the house will at least make food for everyone to eat. And the sweet thing about spending holidays with family is that they always cook as if it’s the last supper. There’ll be so much food, you’ll eat until you can no longer breathe properly.
Con: There’s a high chance you’ll be involved in the cooking of it
You’re in your family house, people are cooking, and you think they won’t call you to enter kitchen? The chances of that happening are very rare. Instead of resting, you’ll spend your Easter Sunday cutting onions in the kitchen.
Pro: At least there will be light in your family house
Because they want everyone to enjoy themselves and be comfortable, whichever family member’s house you’re staying at will try to make sure there’s constant light. If there’s no NEPA light, the generator will be put on. It’s not your money being spent on diesel, so you have no worries.
Con: You will be billed left and right by most family members
You might not be contributing to buying diesel, but money will still leave your account. Being around family members means ultimate billing. That’s when your cousin will remember that they want to buy a new phone, and your uncle wants to start a business and needs money. Then your sibling whose laptop has spoilt. See, your money will finish.
Being around family means there’ll be sweet drama to spice up your boring life. That’s when you’ll find out that when it comes to betrayal, Judas is learning compared to your family. Drama can be interesting when you’re not involved and you’re just a waka pass.
Con: Family drama
It’s quite impossible for you not to be dragged into the drama. It’s either it’s about you and how you changed it for that aunty who tried to throw shade at you. Or you’re settling wahala between two family members who decided that the right time to bring up their beef is in the middle of Easter lunch.
Pro: You get to bond with your family?
If you spend your Easter with your family, you’ll spend time talking to them, laughing your eyes out over jokes, reminiscing over childhood memories etc. It’ll be a well-spent holiday.
Con: They may get on your nerves
It’s almost nearly impossible for you to spend four days with your family members and they won’t get on your nerves once. One of the ways they can annoy you is by constantly bringing up your latest lifestyle choices they don’t agree with: your tattoos, coming home late, your drinking etc. There’s always something they’ll use to stress you out.
Pro: You’ll get to be around family you don’t see often
One thing about growing up and moving around — going to school, travelling, getting an apartment, etc. — is that you don’t get to see a lot of your favourite family members that often. Holidays are usually the times when you spend time with them, especially the ones you haven’t seen in a while.
Con: You won’t have any personal space
Being at home with family means they’ll be in your face a lot. You have your mother, who’s constantly trying to gist with you and the younger ones who want to look at pictures and apps on your phone. And then your father, who is always complaining you’re always in your room or on your phone. You won’t be able to catch a break.
If you’re spending the holiday with your family, just be prepared for anything that happens. One thing we can guarantee though is that your Easter won’t be boring.
Easter weekend is almost here, and while some of us are excited because it’s a public holiday, others are happy because it’s a chance for them to either renew or strengthen their faith. In this article, I speak to five young Nigerian Christians about what Easter means to them and how it affects their faith.
“I feel a great sense of admiration for Jesus”
—*Tolani, 25
My relationship with God is a bit tricky. I believe in God and I love Him, but that’s mostly where it stops. I don’t pray, read my Bible or go to church, mostly because nothing motivates me to do so. I stopped doing all of these things consistently once my parents no longer forced me to.
One of the major reasons I lost motivation was because Christianity and the practice of Christianity were shoved down my throat for most of my life by my parents, extended family members and school. The most frustrating one was school. Tell me why Babcock University thought it was okay to force me to go to church four times a week.
The moment I could, I distanced myself from the religious practices of Christianity, but my belief in God stayed. I wasn’t allowed to explore Christianity by myself, and I think that’s what I want — to get to know God on my terms and at my own time.
I love Easter because it reminds me of the huge sacrifice that Jesus made. Whenever I think about everything Jesus went through — the betrayal, the beating, the crucifying — and the fact that He felt all that pain, I feel a great sense of admiration for Him. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me feel closer to Him to learn more about him. I hope that one day, the desire will turn into action.
Easter is about the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, without that, there’d be no Christianity. And that’s why I feel like Easter is the best time for anyone struggling in their faith, to get closer to God.
“I went back to God and started to truly learn about His place in my life and started to be more active and intentional about Him”
—*Emeka, 24
I like to think of God as my best friend. I trust Him with my well-being, and I look to His word for guidance in my everyday choices. I typically talk to Him throughout my day and devote a portion of my day to praying, studying or praising Him. It wasn’t always like this; I struggled with understanding God for most of my teenage years. I tried to read books that helped, but I still had many questions I couldn’t find answers to. In 2019, I decided to do things my way. I felt like God wasn’t interested in me and I could never meet His standards, so I stopped trying altogether. But then I got tired of doing everything by myself.
In 2021, I went back to God and started to truly learn about His place in my life and started to be more active and intentional about Him. I started talking to a lot of my Christian friends and told them about my frustrations. They were kind enough to walk me through it at my pace and were honest and open with me. I found out that they also had struggles. That made me feel like I wasn’t alone and encouraged me to continue to serve God. I love Easter. Easter helps me focus on the love God has for me, and the sacrifice Jesus made for me. It’s a time for me to rest in His love and take a break from the everyday hustle.
“I believe Jesus understands what I’m going through because He knows about suffering.”
—*Tunde, 22
My relationship with God is on the rocks right now. It’s been very cold for the past year. That bothers me because I’m the type of person who needs something to believe in. I still very much believe, I can’t just bring myself to practice my belief the way I’d like to. It might be because I’m depressed and kind of hate my life in its current state.
Sometimes when I’m in the mood for God, I pray, but I know that’s not enough. I know I’m supposed to practice my belief whether I’m in the mood or not. So I’ve been doing little things to push myself closer to God. I try my best to pray every morning. I also have an 8 a.m. alarm that says, “Choose God today.” The alarm is supposed to keep me in the consciousness of God. It’s to remind me to do things like pray throughout my day, think about God and be curious about Him throughout the day.
I’ve had that alarm every day for seven months, but I only started taking it seriously this week. And that’s because this week is Easter. Easter is the origin story of Christianity. The death and resurrection of Jesus is the reason why Christianity exists. So it feels like there’s no better time than now to work towards a better relationship with God, to choose God, at least for me.
With where my life is at right now, I’m sometimes comforted by the fact that I believe Jesus understands what I’m going through and He knows about suffering. So I don’t feel like I’m talking to someone who doesn’t understand. Which, now that I think about it, is probably all I need right now — for someone to understand.
“My devotion to God and my participation in church activities was largely based on the fear that if I didn’t do those things, I would suffer.”
—*Abraham, 29
My relationship with God is great. I understand the nature of His love towards me and the extent of the sacrifices He has made for me. I see him as a father who leads me and guides me.
There was a time when the image I had of God was one who just gave out rules and regulations and expected me to just conform. Then, my devotion to Him and my participation in church activities were largely based on the fear that if I didn’t do those things, I would suffer. There was no conviction behind my actions. But I know better now because I attend a better church, and I understand how to properly study the Bible. I now operate from a place of delight and fellowship.
Easter is vital because it helps me reflect on what Christ did for me. But I don’t necessarily feel closer to God because of Easter. However, I respect that there are seasons people can take advantage of to strengthen their walk with God, and Easter is one of them. I think people feel that closeness to God during Easter because some of them pay more attention to the things of God.
“I’ve always understood that pain and suffering are a part of my journey in Christ.”
— *Tolu, 26
I’m a devoted believer, and I love the study of God. I grew up in a Christian home and was exposed to miracles really early, so I’ve never really doubted my belief in God.
This isn’t something I say as a thing of pride, but I’ve always understood that pain and suffering are a part of my journey in Christ. I’ve experienced pain in many ways, and the strange thing is, pain and suffering have strengthened my faith in God. That’s the benefit of having a transcendent hope: I believe in an eternal God who’ll take my suffering away when I leave this earth.
The essence of Easter is an everyday reality for me. I love Easter, but the essence of Jesus’ death and resurrection is for us to love our lives, acknowledging that reality every single day. Every day for me is Easter.
Graduating from university is a major milestone in a person’s life. A lot of people look forward to it because they’re looking forward to exploring what the world out there is like beyond school. I spoke to four Nigerian graduates who finished uni in 2020, about how life has been treating them since they left the struggle that is Nigerian universities and this is what they had to say.
“I have two businesses but neither of the businesses is making much money at the moment”
— *Chidinma, 22
Studied: English (Literature major), Babcock University
I graduated in June 2020, and my life has been a mess since then. I was excited about graduating; I couldn’t wait to be done with school. I didn’t exactly have high expectations for life after school: I wanted to get an internship at a media house, I wanted to go for NYSC and then come back and continue working at a media house. I wanted to earn real money, take care of my family and live the baby girl life. What a joke.
A managing director of a popular media house in Nigeria promised me an internship once I graduated, only for him to ghost me. That was one of the first ways that life showed me pepper. After many interviews, I finally got a job in October 2020, but unfortunately, I ended up having the worst boss ever. He’d ask me to do ridiculous tasks that had nothing to do with my job description. I swept office and got sent to buy food. The last straw was when he asked some of my colleagues and me to close the office for the day and come over to his house to clean it.
After that, I got a teaching job at a school, but the school owed salaries month after month and they also treated staff terribly, so I left. I decided to go the entrepreneur way.
I now have two businesses, but neither of the businesses is making much money at the moment, but I’m pushing through. I’m starting my NYSC with the next batch that’s coming up in July 2022. After my service year, I want to either leave this country or marry a rich man, because a girl is tired.
“Why does all my money go into buying essentials I need to survive?”
—*Tolu, 22
Studied: Psychology, Covenant University
I was done with school in November 2020, but because of COVID, I officially graduated in May 2021. Schooling during the pandemic wasn’t easy, and I was tired. I couldn’t wait to be done with school.
In my third year at university, I had already started thinking about life after graduation. I knew I would have to do NYSC before getting a full-time job, so I planned to take courses related to my field and learn some new skills while serving. I started NYSC in May 2021 in Akwa Ibom, and I got a job in June at a psychiatric home. I was happy when I got the job because I wanted to work in a place that would allow me practise psychology, but honestly, it’s been tough.
I knew leaving school, working and adulting wouldn’t be easy and I had mentally prepared myself for it, but the fact that I’m working and most of my money goes into buying essentials I need to survive is the ghetto. I want to use my money for enjoyment. I knew I’d be responsible for myself, but nobody ever tells you that it’d be this difficult.
I’m finishing my NYSC this April. I plan to get a virtual assistant job for about six months while I take a course about mental health. Then, at some point, I want to start applying for jobs. I’m looking at jobs in a clinic or HR firm. Hopefully, it works out.
“Apart from the money, I get the chance to live my life beyond the walls of a single place.”
—Moses, 26
Studied: Mechanical Engineering, Lagos State Polytechnic
I graduated with one of the highest grades in my class. I was optimistic about life after graduation, but not too optimistic as the degree I hold is a Higher National Diploma (HND). Do you know how hard it is to get a job as an HND holder without NYSC?
I couldn’t wait to graduate, especially because I was schooling and working a part-time job at the same time. I was excited to leave the stress of school behind and focus solely on working and earning proper money.
Thankfully, I didn’t really have to look for a job. A friend that worked in an oil and gas firm in Edo state called me in April 2021 to send my CV, and that’s how I started working in June. I haven’t done NYSC because I never liked the idea of going off for one year and then coming back to begin job hunting. I’ve always planned to get a job first and then serve so that I don’t have to look for work for too long once I’m done.
So far, I like working and I like the world outside of school. I miss school sometimes, and school had its fun moments, but school gets boring. You see the same old faces, have classes, and it’s all just the same cycle at some point.
But in the outside world, you meet different people, and so you have so many different experiences. Apart from the money, you get the chance to live your life beyond the walls of a single place.
“I think the wildest thing about adulting and work-life for me so far is how cynical and unhappy I’ve become.”
— *Chibuike, 22
Studied: Electrical and Electronics Engineering, Covenant University
I had very high expectations for life after graduation. I expected to get a job immediately after graduation and to be earning ₦500,000 before the end of 2021. I also expected to work remotely. I didn’t want to deal with the ghetto that’s traffic and didn’t want any anxiousness over lateness. Plus, I wanted to be very flexible with work, to do things on my own time. In summary, I expected my work life to be very soft.
My work life is anything but soft. I have the flexibility I want, but everything else is stressful and I’m struggling. NYSC is one of the things that’s making my life a living hell. Ever since my relocation from Benue to Lagos didn’t work, I’ve been suffering.
I think the wildest thing about adulting and work-life for me so far is how cynical and unhappy I’ve become. I feel like a shell of my former self. I just get through each day after the next. Even things I used to enjoy feel stressful now. I have a Netflix subscription, but I haven’t watched a single show in months because I’m either working or sleeping or fighting for my life in Nigeria.
I’ll be done with NYSC in a few weeks, and I’ll be moving back into my parents’ house. This should give me some peace of mind. Maybe I’ll be able to plan my life and my time better when I’m not worrying about a thousand things.
One of the most relatable tweets I’ve seen recently is the one where the person said ADHD is the new OCD because people are self-diagnosing and treating it like a personality trait.
It’s easy to cherry-pick a relatable symptom of a medical condition, and say you have that condition. A lot of people do it. But with ADHD, it’s much deeper. ADHD isn’t just forgetting things, getting distracted easily, or being hyper. It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder. It’s a disorder because it affects an individual’s functioning one way or the other — socially, occupationally, or just generally in life.
As someone with ADHD, I know from experience the extent to which the disorder can disrupt your life. But before I get into that, I’d like to quickly —in the simplest way possible —explain ADHD to you from a professional’s explanation.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a disorder that consists of a combination of persistent problems, such as difficulty sustaining attention, hyperactivity, and impulsive behaviour. There are three types of ADHD —inattentive, hyperactive or impulsive, and a combination of both.
Inattentive ADHD
Inattentive ADHD isn’t what most people picture when they think of ADHD. People with inattentive ADHD have trouble staying focused, get distracted easily, and make “careless” mistakes because they have trouble paying attention to details. They also have trouble organising or finishing things. There are nine symptoms of this type of ADHD:
Lack of attention to details
Difficulty following instructions
Frequent daydreaming
Difficulty sustaining mental effort
Often misplacing things
Short attention span
Forgetfulness
Trouble staying focused
Difficulty following through on instructions or tasks
People with hyperactive-impulsive ADHD have trouble staying still. They often squirm, fidget, and they hardly ever seem to slow down. They feel the need for constant movement, and they struggle to stay seated.
The nine symptoms of hyperactive-impulsive ADHD include:
Inability to sit still
Constant fidgeting
Often on the go, acting as if driven by a motor
Excessive physical movement
Excessive talking
Impulsiveness
Difficulty waiting or taking turns
Frequent interruptions during conversations
Blurting out answers out of turn
If a person has the combination type of ADHD, it means that their symptoms don’t exclusively fall within the inattention or hyperactive-impulsive behaviour. They exhibit a combination of symptoms from both types.
An Important thing to note:
This is where it kind of gets interesting, Being diagnosed with ADHD goes beyond just the symptoms. There are certain conditions that have to be met. :
If you’re younger than 17 years, you have to present at least six of these symptoms. If you’re older than 17 years, you need to present at least five of the symptoms.
Several of these symptoms have to be consistently present for at least 6 months.
Several of the symptoms have to be present in two or more settings — at home, school, or work, with friends, relatives, etc.
Several of these symptoms were present before the age of 12 years.
There is evidence that the symptoms interfere with your quality of life.
My struggle with ADHD
Trust me, ADHD isn’t cool. It isn’t a fun, quirky thing to have. It’s a serious disorder that can affect your life. I have inattentive ADHD, which means I struggle with staying focused. As someone with a professional life, this is a problem.
I do a lot of my work at the last minute. A lot of the time, this happens because I get distracted while working. When I say I get distracted, I mean, I pick up my phone every five minutes. I mean, I fall into rabbit holes quite often and struggle to get out. I mean that the longest time I can stay focused on a task is ten minutes before I get bored, overwhelmed, or distracted by something random, or before I start daydreaming. Sometimes, the reason I leave things until the last minute is that the fast-approaching deadline and the immediacy of the negative consequences that will follow if the deadline isn’t met, help me focus and complete the task.
I also struggle with inattention to detail. As a writer, you can imagine how bad that sounds. Many times I’ve been seen as careless, stubborn and lazy because it seemed like I just didn’t want to get better at my work, or I didn’t want to work at all, when the truth is, I’m trying really hard.
These are some of my basic daily struggles. I can go on and tell you about how I get overwhelmed by a simple to-do list. Or how I sometimes get ADHD task paralysis, which is when I desperately need to get started on something, but everything in me resists it. There’s so much I go through that I wish I could tell you, but we won’t leave here.
Image credit: The ADHD Coach
The struggles of someone with hyperactive-impulsive ADHD
I spoke with someone diagnosed with hyperactive-impulsive ADHD, and she told me about how one of the major struggles she has is how fast she loses interest in things. She’d get excited about certain ideas and projects in the beginning, but along the line, interest would fade and she’d move on to the next thing. And this also happens at work. “If I’m not working on a work task within ten minutes, I’m going to lose interest in it and forget about it. Writing to-do lists just sucks! They give me so much anxiety, and they make me not even want to start on any of the tasks I have to do”, says June. Sometimes, she has a million thoughts running through her head. Other times, she doesn’t have a single thought. “If I don’t make a decision on impulse, it becomes a whole thing where I keep forgetting or procrastinating, and it just becomes a whole mess.”
She also mentioned that she can’t sit in one place for more than ten minutes, and this affected her a lot in school, especially in class. Another thing she mentioned was how she’d make irrational decisions. “I’d be crazy tired, but when people hit me up to go partying, I’d immediately say yes without thinking. Stuff like this happens in every area of my life. It’s even worse when you’re feeling negative emotions. You have so much energy and so many emotions to release that you end up making irrational decisions that can affect you and your relationships. “
How can ADHD affect a person’s work-life?
One of the major struggles a lot of people with ADHD face is working with companies that aren’t educated about things like this. They end up working with employers who don’t understand what it means to have staff that has ADHD. People with ADHD then end up having to compete at the same level with people who aren’t going through what they’re going through, and working with bosses who don’t understand their condition. Many times, these bosses can’t seem to understand that people with ADHD might function differently than their colleagues.
People with ADHD can be seen as lazy, oppositional, disruptive, disorganised, annoying, disrespectful, careless, always making excuses, etc. And this happens because people don’t have the right education about ADHD.
Knowing if you have ADHD
The sad part is that there are people with ADHD who don’t know they have ADHD. If you can remotely relate to any of these things that have been said here, I suggest you get screened. I 100% recommend Nguvu Health. They recently released a free screening for people who suspect they have ADHD. All you have to do is download the app, sign up, click on “Free assessment,” scroll down to the Adult ADHD screening session, and begin your assessment. Once you take the assessment and your results show that there’s a chance you might have ADHD, you’ll have the option to speak to a therapist if you’d like to go further. It’s important that, as someone with ADHD, you get the necessary support and help you require, and this starts with therapy.
If you’d like to educate yourself about ADHD, either to help yourself or a friend, colleague, or employee, there are many resources online that can help you.
One of the things Muslims look forward to during Ramadan is Iftar. Not just because it’s the time when they break their fast and eat great food, but also because for most Muslims, it’s a time spent with friends and family, bonding and creating memories. I spoke to some of our Muslim brothers and sisters about their favourite iftar memories. And yes, a lot of memories were around food. Are you surprised?
“We laughed about who could wrap moi-moi or not”
— Rukayat, 25
My favourite iftar memory is from when I was in primary school. My brother, grandma, mum, dad and I all broke our fast together as a family. We would make food, listen to Quranic lectures, and joke about how the day’s fast seemed to be longer than the day before. I remember the making of the food, everyone trying to chip in with work, the laughter over who could wrap moi-moi or not, and my brother running around. It was the best. I don’t really remember dates. But I always remember how I feel in situations, and in those times, I always felt peace and contentment. My favourite Iftar meals back then were pap, akara, ojojo, tapioca, and those fried eggs that my mum used to make with corned beef. It was amazing.
“Having Iftar with a complete family at the dinner table is one of the best things ever”
— Fathia,18
One of the most special iftars I had was during the lockdown. It was the first iftar of the month, and also my first time eating rice with curry sauce. Two of my favourite meals from that particular iftar were bread, egg and chicken Maryland, the most delicious chicken coated in eggs and bread crumbs or biscuits. I was spending the Iftar with my family of nine, so you can imagine how noisy it was and how loud our laughter was. Having Iftar with a complete family at the dinner table is one of the best things ever. The lockdown really brought us together as a family.
“I couldn’t sleep properly that night because of how much I ate.”
— Mahmud, 25
When I was younger, it was customary to break our fast with fruits and water and then proceed to ogi and moi-moi before the main course of the night (which was after the night prayers). I used to fast because the night feasts were prizes to me after a hard day of fasting.
On this particular day, after school, my cousins, siblings, and I had a mini Olympics in the compound, which left us pretty exhausted. When it was time to break the fast, the main meal was rice and elite curry sauce. After eating the first two courses, I prayed and then proceeded to wolf down the final meal. I was given two pieces of chicken that day, and if you were raised in a typical Nigerian home, you’ll know that it’s when you start buying groceries that you can join the league of double protein eaters. I couldn’t sleep properly that night because of how much I ate.
“I remember us playing video games all night”
— Mariam, 25
I once spent the whole of Ramadan at my cousins’ house. It was such a great time. I remember us playing video games all night until it was time for Sahur. We would eat Sahur and after that, sleep for most of the day. If we woke up by 4 p.m., we would force ourselves to go back to sleep till 7 p.m. when it was time for iftar. Then we would eat and play games again, and that’s how the cycle continued.
When I was about seven or eight years old. The last day of Ramadan fell on my grandfather’s 86th birthday, and my family travelled to Ibadan to celebrate with him and celebrate iftar together. My grandfather had fourteen children, so you can imagine how many we were if you included all the grandchildren. A lot of us grandkids were around the same age group, and I remember us wearing the same outfits, running around the massive house and playing tag. We ate in the garden, under the open sky. We also had people coming to sing, and we had fireworks at some point in the night. It was so magical.
“The food spread was on another level. “
— Zainab, 27
When I was nine or ten, I went to visit my grandma. In my parents’ house, everyone just picked up their food and disappeared into their various rooms. But in my grandma’s house, the extended family ate together — my uncles, aunties, siblings and cousins, everyone. We all talked and laughed and had such a great time. The food was on another level. We had so much and there was even dessert, which wasn’t the norm. It was such a special night. My grandma died the following year; may God rest her soul.
“They gave us ₦1,000 notes each ”
— Raheema, 22
My favourite Iftar memory was from either 2015 or 2016, I don’t exactly remember the specific year. My siblings and I were to visit my uncle for Iftar and I loved the anticipation of having iftar at his house. I bonded with my cousins over cooking and the food was so great. My uncle gave us ₦1,000 notes each — a lot of money back then.
A material gworl is a person who’s attracted to the finer things of life and strives to attain them. If you know Lara Billionaire from Twitter, you’ll know that she fits this description perfectly. And so as she’s giving her proven tips on how to be a material gworl, let’s make sure to jot things down. Because we too want to be material gworls. Amen??
Fashion sense is important
Material gworls have great fashion sense and love to buy clothes. But with fashion, it’s not one size fits all. You need to find out what your style is and shop accordingly. Start by knowing your favourite colour. You’ll find that when you wear things in your favourite colour often, you’re able to add other things that compliment that colour. It’s also important that you wear only things that make you comfortable.
You can never have too many shoes
I’ve loved shoes for the longest time. I remember when I had just started secondary school and my mum sent me 15 pairs of school shoes. That’s when my love for shoes started. As a material gworl, you can never have enough shoes. What I will say, though, is that you find a way to balance comfort and style. I love wearing unique shoes that are different from the norm, but I always prioritize comfort. That’s the first thing I think about before I even think about the price.
Apart from clothes and shoes, I also love good jewellery. As a material gworl, you must know how to accessorise. It doesn’t always have to be expensive. With the right jewellery, you can still give off luxurious material gworl vibes.
Get the right perfumes
I’m not exactly a perfume head. What I would say is buy the ones that smell nice. Get recommendations from your friends or from social media. I get my perfume recommendations from TikTok, and it’s been great so far.
As a child, whenever I was out with my grandma, people wanted to carry me, buy me things and my existence really just brought them joy. Reason why? I have no idea. My maternal uncles and aunties used to give me more money than I needed. I’ve been receiving gifts all my life and I’ve gotten used to it. As a Material gworl, be very open to receiving gifts.
Money
You cannot be a material gworl without money. If not, how will you sponsor your lifestyle or all the things you’d like to get for yourself? You have to have money. I truly believe that the best type of material gworl is a sponsored one. As the first child, grandchild, and great-grandchild, I enjoyed a lot of things. Everything came from a place of love, so it was easy to know that everything I desire, I go receive.Now that I’m older, I hate that I have to work to maintain the lifestyle they introduced me to, but once a material gworl, always a material gworl.
Be Yourself
Material gworlism is subjective and there isn’t one way to be a material gworl. Some may say it’s based on the clothes you wear, others may say it’s based on the company you keep. It depends on your lifestyle in general. In essence, stay true to yourself, regardless of what others think.
There are activities that millennials call “fun” that make me scratch my head. I’m going to need them to explain to me why they see DIY and the rest of the things on this list as fun. Because I don’t see it.
Brunch
Millennials find every opportunity to go for brunch. Anytime they’re thinking of what to do or where to go, the first activity that pops into their heads is going somewhere for brunch. Because food is life, I understand that going anywhere to eat can be fun. But what exactly makes brunch so special? Is it the bottomless mimosas? I need to know!
Sip and Paint
I really do think that the only fun part of ‘Sip and Paint’ is the sipping part.
Go into a millennial’s house and you’ll find at least one board game somewhere. If it’s not Scrabble, it’s Ludo or MONOPOLY. How do you say, “Oh, I’m bored, let’s do something fun,” and then bring out board games? Board games? I want better for y’all.
DIY
I truly believe that millennials use DIY as a way of not spending extra money. Because you cannot tell me that setting up a closet from scratch or re-designing your kitchen cabinets is fun. It is manual labour, please dears. Just say you don’t want to pay someone to do it. We get it. Things are hard these days.
The end product of baking is always great (if you do it well), but the process you have to go through to get that end product? Omo! That’s why I can’t seem to understand how millennials will get up and begin baking banana bread or baking cupcakes simply because they’re bored or because they’re in the mood to bake. Where is the fun, please?
Becoming friends with their parents
Millennials are really making an effort to become friends with their parents, and for the life of me, I can’t understand why. And they’re not doing this because they have to, but because they want to willingly be friends with their parents. Why? How does that work? Is it even possible to be friends with your parents? Do parents get to a point where they see you as a grown adult and treat you as such? I have so many questions.
Going to bed at 10 p.m.
Millennials go to bed at 10 p.m. and in their minds, that is fun and relaxing. How does a human being sleep at 10 p.m.? Do you know how much of life you’ve missed out on by going to bed so early?
I often hear and see complaints from Nigerian men about how Nigerian women aren’t doing enough during sex or even making effort. So I asked eight Nigerian men what exactly it is that they want women to do during sex, and this is what they had to say.
*Tife, 24
I want women to care and communicate. Many times, we men are the ones asking, “Are you okay?” “Do you like this?” I also want women to also care enough to ask these questions. Ask if I’m okay, if I’m enjoying whatever it is you’re doing. Ask how you can make me cum. Also, everybody is trying to orgasm, so fight for your own. Don’t just stay there and not say anything. If you’re not enjoying the sex, say so.
*Chidubem, 25
I want women to communicate. Do you want to be kissed? Let me know. You want to be fingered and choked? Speak up. This isn’t working? Say it. Sex is always better when you open your mouth. Be proactive and take initiative, but don’t do too much. I’m still in charge, unless stated otherwise by either party.
For me, I want women to put in more effort. Sex involves both parties thoroughly being pleased, but sometimes, it feels like women believe they are the only ones to be pleased during sex. That mindset needs to change. Also, when giving head, don’t forget to suck the balls too. It’s important to pay attention to all the details.
*Andrew, 41
I would like women to do things during sex because they enjoy doing them, not because they think they have to do these things. I promise you, every man knows the difference between a woman that enjoys giving head and a woman that is doing it simply because she thinks you’ll like it.
*Emeka, 25
I believe a lot of men will stand solidly behind me when I say I need women to please ride dick for more than 30 seconds. Did Nigerian women come together and agree that thirty seconds was the standard time limit for riding dick? Is there a way we can extend it? Asides that, men also really like foreplay. We don’t always just want to go straight into penetration. And please don’t be afraid to be generous with the saliva when giving head — the sloppier the head, the better.
One major thing I want women to do more often is throw it back during doggy. I don’t think they understand how much of a turn-on it is. 90% of the time during doggy, it’s men thrusting and women bending down and just staying there. It hits different when women match the energy and throw it back.
*Tony, 26
I want women to initiate things during sex. It’s two of us having sex, but most times it feels like it’s just the man doing and initiating everything. I want women to take control too. Tell me what to do, tell me the position we should switch to. Choke me, climb on me, etc. Be creative during the sex and suggest things we could do to make the sex more interesting. Suggest other surfaces and places aside from the bed where we can have sex. I just want women to make it feel like it’s two people having sex.
*Funto, 26
I need women to understand that they’re not the only ones that need to get turned on. I need to get turned on too. A lot of foreplay tends to revolve around the woman getting wet, and then, when she’s wet, the sex begins. Me, I want to enjoy foreplay too. When we’re kissing, touch me. Don’t just give me head, tease me into it. Try sucking my finger, suck my toes, try 69, and if you’re into it, eat my ass. It’s not just about you, it’s about me too.
Nigerian women hold certain things dear to their hearts. If by some chance they share any of these things with you, it means they love you dearly. Don’t fuck up.
Food
Nobody should be surprised that this is number one because we all know that Nigerian women don’t play when it comes to food. You can’t even say you want to take a bite out of their food without them throwing hands. People that will eat their food and eat your own join? If a Nigerian woman now shares her food with you, it means she loves you so much she can even take a bullet for you.
Skincare products
Do you know how expensive skincare products are — Especially in this Buhari economy? If a Nigerian woman shares her skincare products with you, hold on to her tightly because it’s very hard to find that kind of love anywhere.
Clothes
Asides the fact that they also cost a lot of money, Nigerian women are very attached to their clothes — whether they’re wearing them or not. If they share any of clothes with you, whether to wear and give back or to keep, know that she cares about you.
It takes a lot for a Nigerian woman to invite you to her house. A Nigerian woman’s home is her safe haven and doesn’t let just anybody have access to it. So if you get invited to her house, just know you’re on a different level of special. That doesn’t mean that you show up to her house anytime and anyhow sha.
Friends
Nigerian women don’t like to share their friends. They believe they’re the only ones who should be friends with their friends (I don’t even understand how that is possible, but okay). So if they let you get to know their friends beyond “hello/hi”, count yourself as important.
And any subscription service that allows multiple accounts. One of the ways to know if a Nigerian woman really likes you is if she adds you to her Netflix account. The moment you mess up, she changes her password and removes you instantly.
Money
A Nigerian woman give you money??? If it’s not jazz you used to make her do that, then she definitely loves you. Don’t let her go.
Nigerian men have been slandering women for far too long, pretending not to enjoy things like romantic comedies or using skincare products. Well I’m here to expose them. Men actually like:
Being the small spoon
Men are such big babies. They’ll be doing “I’m the alpha male” on social media, meanwhile behind closed doors they’re coming to wrap themselves inside your body to cuddle. Their favourite position is being the little spoon. They love it so much, they almost want to cry when you leave them for two seconds.
Using skincare products
See ehn, men love using skincare products, but they hate buying them. That’s why they’re always very excited to sleep over at women’s houses. It’s their one chance to try out all the face masks, cleansers, toners, etc. Once they go back home, they’re back to using Irish Spring.
I’m sure men will deny this one with their full chests but trust me, Nigerian men like soap operas. They’ll do hard guy hard guy at first, but when they watch one episode in a waiting room or with their significant others, they’ll be hooked. Next thing they’re asking questions and wondering why Rosalina doesn’t want to give Fernandez a chance.
TikTok
Nigerian men are always hopping on all kinds of different Tik Tok challenges, especially the ones that involve either acting, dancing or dressing up as women to make jokes. But it’s women that are obsessed with Tik Tok, shior!
Using Snapchat filters
You think women use snapchat filters??? I challenge you to go through a man’s Snapchat memories today. They might not necessarily use flower filters or dog faces. But you see those ones that make your skin clear and make your skin glow? That’s where you’ll find these niggas.
Food
Nigerian men are constantly talking about how women are obsessed with food and how all they know, live and breathe, is food. But have you seen Nigerian men talk about food on Twitter before? They’re the ones always wanting fresh pots of soup every day and wondering who should cook when one person comes back from work late. Abeg Abeg.
Oh sorry, apparently they’re called satchels. Please dear, who do you think you’re deceiving? If you like call it a satchelman purse or murse. Handbag na handbag. I think men have realized that pockets just aren’t enough, and I totally understand.
Being spanked on the ass
You’ll walk by and spank a man’s ass and he’ll pretend to be upset, meanwhile, he’s smiling on the inside. It’s okay, we know you love it. Weyrey dey disguise.
The weather is crazy hot right now, and my naturalistas are going through it. If you have natural hair, we’re certain that you can relate to the heat-related hair struggles we mentioned below.
Extremely dry hair
If there’s one thing that can make naturalistas breakdown and shed premium tears, it’s dry hair. This is because dry hair means loss of hair moisture, which can cause brittleness and hair breakage. This is why our natural girls are the ones cursing this heat the most.
Sweaty scalp
This heat can make people sweat in various places, including the scalp. For naturalistas, this is a nightmare. Apart from going through the stress of washing your hair every two days due to the sweat and dirt that have gathered there, you’re also dealing with dandruff and an itchy scalp. Have women not been through enough already????
Tangling
Leave your hair for two seconds and it will get tangled. Then you find yourself using detanglers and conditioners to fight the battle that is detangling your hair.
Protective styling
You can’t even enjoy your natural hair in its full glory in this weather. Every other week, you’re doing one protective style or the other. And if you’re doing braids as a protective style, you almost want to cry because who wants braids on their head during this heatwave?
Hair shedding
This is not common, but it does happen to quite a number of people with natural hair. You’ll be sitting down, minding your business, and you’ll just notice your hair falling off. Or you’ll randomly play with your hair, and as you remove your hand, a bit of your hair will go with it. Omo!
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There are certain things that you — a grown adult —shouldn’t be doing with food at your big age. If you do any of the things I’ve listed below, back to kindergarten.
Eating only two slices of bread
Only children will eat two slices of bread and say they’re full. As a grown-ass adult, how can you say two slices of bread is enough for you? If you’re eating less than seven slices, I can’t take you seriously, please.
Dipping your bread in tea
This isn’t even a thing that children should be doing, but we’ll allow them because they don’t know better. But if you do this at your big age, you deserve to be flogged as many strokes euqal to the number of your age.
Two? Just two standard packs??? Even my little sister eats more than two packs and she’s fourteen. Please grow up.
Mixing all your rice and stew
Not only are you childish if you do this, but you’re also a cultist. I don’t understand how you’ll mix all your rice and stew together at once and think it’s okay. What satisfaction does this give you please?
If you slander oats, you’re most definitely childish because what do you have against food that is healthy for you and still tastes great? Only children talk bad about healthy food.
Putting your cereal before your milk
The only way to eat cereal it to put the powdered milk first, before cereal — unless you’re using liquid milk (in which case, you’re rich and we should be eating you).
Saving your meat for last
When we were young, we always ate our protein at the end of our meals because we were “saving the best for last.” You should have realised by now that this is a scam. Our parents really tried to use meat to teach us delayed gratification. SMH.
Eat chicken and chips
But how will you eat chicken and chips when you’re not at a children’s party? Imagine it: you dress up nice, drive off to a fancy restaurant to meet up with your friends or your partner. The waiter comes up to you to take order, and what you ask for is chicken and chips?
In a relationship, there are certain unspoken rules that cannot be broken. If your partner does any of the following things, break up with them. I’m not even joking.
You can’t buy the same gifts for your partner and someone else
This one shouldn’t be an unspoken rule; it’s an outright obvious one. How will you, with your full chest, carry your money to buy someone else the same exact thing you bought for your partner. Don’t you have fear of God?
Some pictures are just for your partner
Some pictures make it to social media, and some pictures just stay in the dms. And I’m not just talking about nudes. There are just some… ahem, pictures that you’ll take, and you know that these ones should be for your partner alone. Dem no dey tell person.
I don’t even understand people who don’t talk to their partners every day. As in, you’ll go a whole day without talking to your partner and you’ll still be able to breathe properly? Something fishy going down. Please text them every day, let them not faint.
If your partner says they’re hungry, buy them food
How will your partner tell you they’re hungry and your response is, “Go and find something to eat na.” What’s that? The moment they say they’re hungry, you should be asking what they want to eat and DMing food vendors. Don’t be wasting time.
You can’t watch your favourite shows alone
If your partner ever watches an episode of a show you’re both supposed to be watching together in your absence, break up with them immediately. Because this is a betrayal of the highest order. If they can do this to you, imagine what else they’re capable of..
Don’t be pressing phone when your partner is visiting
Okay, I don’t necessarily mean don’t use your phone at all. But, if you and your partner agreed to spend time together, why are you constantly checking your phone? Give them your undivided time and attention. You can use your phone when you’re by yourself and bored. Speaking of boredom, why should you even be bored? Why are you letting your idle mind become the devil’s workshop?
Be a good hype partner
Nobody should hype up your partner more than you. If they send you pictures, don’t just simply send emojis or tell them, “Fire.”. Hype them up! Tell them that if they stepped out looking like that, accidents might happen because people would not be able to take their eyes off of them. Tell them that nobody in this world can match up to their beauty even if they tried. Bring the energy please..
Everyone talks about monogamous relationships as if they’re the best type of relationships. But are they, really? Let’s look at the pros and cons.
Pro: Intimacy
You’ll have a deep personal connection with just one person, and all your time and attention will go to them. All the love and sweet romance will be shared between you two and you two alone.
Con: Potential frustration
The same way the romance will be between two of you is the same way the fights will be between you. At least in a non-monogamous relationship, if one partner annoys you, you’ll just go and cuddle with another partner to feel better.
Pro: You don’t have to worry about your partner getting jealous about your other partner
If you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, there’s a chance you may get jealous about someone else your partner is dating. Or you may have a partner who’ll get jealous of someone you’re dating. You’ll tell your partner that you’re having dinner with Tunde the tech bro and and your KPMG boyfriend will now start squeezing face.
Con: Boredom
One person for the rest of your life??? Omo, you’ll get so used to them. In a non-monogamous relationship, you can have different experiences with multiple partners and experience different types of personalities, both those that are normal and those that are mad. You’ll never be bored.
Pro: You’ll only have to share your food with one person
You’ll only have to share your chickwizz with one person. If this isn’t a major pro, I don’t know what is. Can you imagine having to share the food you’re already managing with multiple partners?
Con: Your food may still finish
Just because you’ll be sharing food with one person doesn’t mean that your food won’t finish o. Also, in a monogamous relationship, you’ll miss the chance of having multiple people cook for you or buy you food.
Everybody knows that relationships cost money. But at least, in a monogamous relationship, you’ll only be spending money on one partner. Although we need to also mention that that one partner can finish all your money sha, so it’s dicey.
Con: You’ll only be receiving gifts from one person
Just as you’ll be spending money on only one person, you’ll also receive gifts from only one person. You’ll miss the chance of receiving a PS5 as a gift from one partner and new pair of shoes from your second partner. Can’t eat your cake and have it, my dear.
Pro: Maximum of one heartbreak at a time
In a monogamous relationship, only one person will serve you breakfast. You’ll cry and eventually move on. But imagine if all the people you’re dating break up with you around the same time. Where do you want to start from??
Con: Deeper Heart break
If your sole partner serves you breakfast, you go feel am, and you’ll be single and alone again. If it were in a non-monogamous relationship and one partner broke up with you, you might have another partner to console you.
Only one person will call you in the middle of the night to rant about how a co-worker annoyed them. Only one person will stress you out with mood swings or will get upset over missed calls or late text replies.
Con: Sexual enjoyment may be limited
You may end up dating someone who you truly love but the person may not be able to match up to your libido or may not be willing to explore your sexual kinks. What do you then do? In non-monogamous relationships you have the opportunity to try out different sexual things with different partners.
If you’re trying to decide on your next tattoo or you’re trying to get a tattoo for the first time and aren’t sure what exactly you want, take this quiz let us tell you what tattoo to get to specifically give your parents a heart attack.
Everybody complains about 30+ men, yet so many people are also dating them. Why dis? I’ve decided to take it upon myself to do the research and find out the pros and cons of dating these old young men.
Pro: They’re more mature
I know that maturity ≠ age (trust me, I learnt that the hard way). But most of the time, 30+ men are more mature and more put together. Many of them kuku don’t even have the time — or energy — to play childish dating games. They’re quite straightforward and mature when it comes to communication and handling certain situations.
Con: They’ll belittle your struggle and achievements
You’ll be upset or sad about something, and your dear 30+ boyfriend will be looking at you somehow, wondering why you’re upset about something so “little”. You can’t complain about work or about the things that annoy you to him because they seem so trivial in his eyes. He’ll either tell you that when you get older, these problems won’t matter or that there are bigger problems at hand. God o!
Pro: They have more experience
Because he’s been on this earth for many, many years, he’s experienced quite a few things, good and bad. That means if you’re having a problem or you need help or advice, he’ll be able to help you or connect you with people that can help you.
Con: They’ll use your age to insult you many times
“You’re too young, you won’t understand” is something you’ll hear from your 30+ man so often you’ll want to punch him in the throat. Any small thing, he’ll be using your age to insult you. He’ll tell you that when you’re older, you’ll understand. Understand what, ehn, arugbo ojo? I don’t know why 30+ men like to feel like they’re the oldest and most experienced group of people. Only three decades that they’ve been on this earth o!
They’ve been working for much longer than my GenZ happening babes, so it is more likely that they have plenty money and investments.
Con: They’re no fun
They rarely ever want to go out or do any activity that involves too much movement. Their own idea of fun is watching their favourite TV series while eating in bed. Best in back ache. God help you, you now mention going to an event at past 8 p.m. and they’ll almost want to cry. You want to keep them out past their bedtime? They’ll fight you.
Pro: They won’t break up with you
30+ men don’t have the strength to be in the streets. Do you think they want to be asking people their favourite foods and colours in this their old age? That’s why the moment they start dating someone, it takes a lot before they break up. If you like, come with all the wickedness in the world, they’ll date you like that.
Con: You come from two different eras so you may not be able to relate to them
There’s a chance that both of you won’t be able to relate to a lot of things in regards to pop culture. (except you’re both interested in these types of things). I have a 30+ friend who just discovered that Skepta and Stormzy are two different people, and I’m still ashamed on his behalf. The worst part is when your 30+ man can’t understand GenZ slangs. You’ll text him, “I don’t think that’s right imo,” and he’ll be wondering what Imo state has to do with the topic you’re discussing.
Simply because he’s closer to their age (I said what I said) , and they may share similar interests.
Con: They’re always tired
30+ men get tired easily. They never have energy for anything. All they want to do is rest. They can’t even stand or sit up for too long; their backs will start aching. This can also be a pro sha, because it means they also won’t have the strength for fights. If they notice any potential couple fight brewing, they’ll quickly apologise.
Pro: They want to marry early
If you’re someone who’s looking to get married in the next two to three years of your life, you should date a 30+ man, especially the ones that are edging closer to 40 and feel like the next big step for them is to get married.
Con: They want to marry early
Then again, if you’re someone who isn’t ready to get married anytime soon, don’t let your eyes look in the direction of a 30+ man. Because they may not understand why you aren’t ready for marriage when they are ready.
I don’t like exposing my women, but men are always trying to know what happens in girls’ group chats. So out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to let you guys in on some of the things we do on there.
Plot on the many creative ways to bill men
How do you think we become very creative when it comes to billing men? You think it just happens randomly? These things are well thought out and planned in our group chat. We even create strategy documents and ginger ourselves to go forth into the world and bill men. Where do you think Nigerian women get the audacity to text you and ask for money after not talking to you for four years?
Pick each other’s outfits for sugar daddy appointments
Because we can’t allow any of our friends to drop the bag. We have to get our girls prepped and ready to slay.
Plan our TikTok challenges
We share links of all the TikTok challenges we want to recreate, then agree on two major ones. Then we decide on outfits, locations, hairstyles, etc. To do TikTok is a whole production o. How do you think we did the “Don’t Rush” challenge back then?
Discuss new sex positions we would like to try out
Just in case other people in the group chat have tried these positions and can give tips to those of us who want to try them out. Women helping women, don’t you love to see it?
Share invites to next witchcraft meeting
Once a month, Nigerian women meet at a certain time of the night, in a certain place to discuss topics such as the many different ways we can show men premium wickedness. How we can stop the government from making stupid decisions about women, etc?
Choose the next restaurant they’re going to order creamy pasta from
Nigerian women will die if they don’t eat creamy pasta. That’s why we’re constantly checking menus and planning the next place we will go to eat our staple seafood Alfredo.
Come up with ways we can frustrate our partners
Sometimes we need help in coming up with ideas on how to cause drama in our relationships and frustrate our partners (because simple healthy relationships are boring) and this is where the girlies of group chat are very helpful.
An African Reality TV Show on Netflix??? We’re most definitely here for this!! Netflix is bringing on the drama this year by giving us Young, Famous & African, a seven-part reality tv series set in Johannesburg, South Africa. The show is going to showcase the who’s who of fashion, music, and social media from different parts of the continent.
Now here’s why we’re excited about the show and why we think you should watch it.
1.Exclusive tea
This show gives you all the exclusive tea of the Young Rich and Famous stars featured. You’ll get to find out about their rivalries, new friendships, romantic connections, and other exquisite tea spills.
2. The glitz and glamour.
If you’re a lover of fashion, you’d enjoy this show so much because you get to see all different types of fashion looks. Including the good, the bad and the tacky. This show is called Young, Famous & African, so we’ll definitely be getting to see the glamorous lives of these stars. You get to see how they spend money on enjoyment like fashion, cars, houses, red carpet moments, private jets, etc.
3.Reality TV Drama
Who doesn’t love a good dose of drama? It’s even more interesting because the drama is surrounding some of our favourite African celebrities. We can’t wait to see the chaos our darling Annie Idibia is going to cause. Also, we’re sure there’ll definitely be country wars. You can’t put people from different countries together and not expect a clash.
4. The beauty of Africa
We’re pretty sure we’re all tired of seeing Africa displayed as the jungle that people should visit for adventure. Thankfully, with its many African shows, Netflix has been changing that narrative. And the “Young, Famous and African show is another show that is doing that with its glitzy and sexy images of Africa. Love to see it.
5) Annie Idibia and Swanky Jerry are repping Naija.
Young, Famous, & African features a diverse cast consisting of entertainers from around Africa (South Africa, Nigeria, Tanzania, and Uganda) and repping Naija are actress and model, Annie Idibia, and celebrity fashion stylist, Jeremiah Ogbodo aka Swanky Jerry.
6) 2baba shows up as a guest star.
You read that right. 2baba will be a part of this show. Fans of the iconic singer should keep an eye out for his appearance.
The show premiers on the 18th March 2022, so be sure to mark our calendars and set your reminders. An unscripted and unapologetically African reality TV series is not one you want to miss. Here’s the trailer.
If you see any of these nine things in a car, your guess is correct: it’s a woman’s car.
Lip gloss
Because Nigerian women can NEVER be caught with chapped lips. What is that? They have at least five lip glosses stored in various corners of the car: beneath the car seat, in the glove compartment, in the cupholder, etc.
Condoms
Fornication can happen at any time, and Nigerian women stay ready and protected all day, every day. We don’t want to hear any excuses.
Ten pairs of extra shoes
This usually includes shoes they’ve taken off at some point in the day to switch to slippers or another pair of shoes. You’ll be trying to sit in a Nigerian woman’s car and be struggling for space with her shoes. Why can’t you just take the shoes out of your car when you get home for God’s sake? Will you die?
Nigerian women must drive and record themselves while driving. Always. We’re certainly not using the phone holder to hold our phones so we can look at Google Maps. Nigerian women don’t do well with reading map directions. The holder is simply so that they don’t hold the phones while driving and cause accidents.
Old receipts and random papers
If, by mistake, you open her glove compartment, a bunch of old receipts from all sorts of vendors will come falling out. I don’t know why they keep all these papers. Is it some sort of evidence? I guess what they say is true about women always having receipts.
Yoga mat
Yoga mats that have either never been touched. Nigerian women are consistently deceiving themselves about exercising. It’s okay dear, nobody is judging you. Leave the mat at home. The same goes for that gym bag you’ve been keeping in the boot.
Tissues
There’s always a box of tissues at the back of the car, just in case we need to break down and cry at any moment. As Nigerian women, we go through a lot in our day to day. The tears are expected please.
Extra clothes
Just in case they need to attend an event, a date, or just for a quick booty call after work. A Nigerian woman can never be caught unfresh.
Random makeup kits
Nigerian women are steady running late, which causes them to always finish up their makeup in the car. That’s why you’ll find mascara, eye pencils, powder, and foundation lying about in the back seat of the car.
Yesterday, Nigerian men took to Twitter to share stories about how Nigerian women have billed them in the most random ways. And woosh, I can’t lie, at some point, I started to feel bad for the men. So, my Gees, it’s time to do Nigerian women back, so here’s how to even up the stakes by dodging billing and pulling out a reverse uno card.
Disclaimer: Before you can bill a Nigerian woman, she has to like you o. Or else, anything you see, take it like that.
Agree to go on a date and forget your ATM Card
This could go in many ways. Either both of you will wash plates, because she doesn’t have the money (which is a lie cause Nigerian women are rich) or she’ll walk out on you and you will be the only one to wash the plates. The best way to go about this is, just tell her to pay and that you’ll pay her back — of course you won’t. And everytime she asks for the money, come up with excuses.
Mention other women
Talk about how you’re getting this and that from Folake and Amaka. Women don’t like competition so she’ll either try to outgift the supposed Folake and Amaka, or not even try at all and just ghost you. Brace yourself.
Have bad eating habits
One question a Nigerian woman will always ask is, “Have you eaten?” The first time you say no, she may just tell you to go and find something to eat. But the more you tell her that you get so busy you forget to eat or even buy food, she’ll start getting worried about your eating habits and start ordering food delivery to your house.
Tell her you don’t want to disgrace her
If she invites you somewhere, tell her you don’t have anything to wear. Or wear a bad outfit and send her a picture and tell her this is what you have and if she doesn’t want to be embarrassed, she should buy you an outfit.
Tell her that the reason you can’t see her is because fuel is expensive and transportation cost has increased. She’ll ask for your account details straight up.
Change up your birthday dates
Take a page from Nigerian women’s playbook and have ten birthdays in a year. The moment you meet a woman you like, subtly mention that your birthday is coming soon. Then a few days later, tweet about that new game or new pair of shoes on your wishlist.
Make yourself unavailable online. When she calls you to ask what happened, tell her your data has finished, so you can’t chat or Facetime, and your bank is acting up and isn’t allowing you to buy data. Before you know it, she has bought you a whole MiFi and paid for unlimited data for one year.
Get her to add you to her subscription accounts
Tell her to add you to her family account on every streaming platform she’s subscribed to. If she asks why, tell her it’s because you see both of you becoming a family someday and you’d like to start with the little things. Or tell her that Apple Music or Netflix isn’t accepting your card, and ask if she can add you to her family accounts. That way, you may never pay for any streaming services again.
Bill her with your chest
Nigerian women don’t know how to take hints. If you don’t ask, they won’t even answer you. Better open your mouth and say what you want. Bill them directly.
Shawarma is basically a vegetable and chicken wrap, so you can eat it and not gain weight. Forget the mayonnaise inside, pay attention to the vegetables.
Suya
Suya is protein and protein is healthy. Simple logic.
Amala ewewdu and gbegiri
Amala is the lightest swallow of them all, unlike eba and fufu, which will have you dragging your feet the next day. Don’t worry, Abula is healthy too. It’s made of gbegiri and ewedu, which basically kinda sort means you’re eating beans and vegetables. How do you want to gain weight with this type of balanced diet?
No matter the type of personality they have, and no matter where they live, every Nigerian bachelor has eight out of these nine things in their apartments.
1.TV
Nigerian men will use the last money they have in their accounts to buy massive TVs, and they’ll feel fulfilled in life. As long as they have their big ass TV, they are fine. They can sleep, sit and eat on the floor.
2.Game console
And the game console must have FIFA 20 something or a fighting or killing game that has way too much blood; if not, the set up is not complete.
3.Mattress on the floor
What is it with Nigerian men and not getting bed frames? Did they curse you people?
4. Crusher
The crusher may not necessarily be theirs, because not all Nigerian bachelors smoke (even though they all behave like they are high all the time), but you must find a crusher in their house. Sometimes they like to use the crushers as decorative pieces.
5. Ashewo Shorts
This is one of the things that make up the Nigerian bachelor starter pack, so of course you’ll find it in their homes and in many colours.
You must always see an unhealthy quantity of alcohol and energy drinks. If you find anything more than that, you’re not in a Nigerian bachelor’s house.
7.Disposable packs
Because Nigerian men would rather die than cook. If it’s not take-away packs from Instagram food vendors, it’s foodflasks that formerly contained food cooked by their fuck-buddies or mothers.
8.Too many perfumes
After TVs, the next thing Nigerian men finish their money on is perfumes. Enter their rooms and you’ll find at least 20 bottles of perfume in their closets. They’ll now come online and say they don’t have money.
9.Condoms
They have a bed-side drawer filled with different brands and flavours. They are always ready for mekwe.
Pop culture tends to hype big penises a lot. Half the time, it’s because we’re of the impression that the bigger the penis, the better the sex. But that’s not always the case. These seven Nigerian men have told us their struggles with owning big dicks.
Chinedu, 26
Dick length: 8 inches
It’s only online that women like big penises. In real life, it’s a different ball game. I think one of the major struggles I face is that I have to be very careful during sex so I don’t go too hard or fast during sex for most people so it doesn’t hurt them. Sometimes the sex is tiring because most of it involves me taking it too easy in trying to be careful, so I can’t fully immerse myself or enjoy it. Also, I’ve had girls refuse to sleep with me because of my penis size. It even happened just last week. Having a big penis is more of a curse than a blessing. I’d prefer to have a medium-sized penis, to be honest.
Femi, 19
Dick Length: 9.5 inches
I’ve given up on sex. I’m bisexual, so trying to have a sexual life with a big penis can be exhausting. The last time I had sex was in December, and it just didn’t work out. My penis is curved, so it was hurting the person even more, and it’s not like I have that much experience with sex yet. The man couldn’t walk, and I swear , I’m not exaggerating. We couldn’t even finish; we just made out for the rest of the night. And it’s more difficult with women. The two girls I’ve tried to have sex with couldn’t take it at all. I’ve decided to stick to only making out and foreplay for now.
Emeka, 27
Dick Length: 9 inches
It’s hard to find women that actually want to have sex with me the way I want. I like it when it’s intense and when it’s with someone that genuinely wants to have sex with me too. And for someone with a penis my size, it’s rare AF.
As a grower, I’ve had a lot of women who wanted to get sexual with me think my size is fine. But when it’s time to have sex and it gets fully erect, they’ll run away and never come back. Funny, because my penis isn’t even as big as I want it to be yet.
Let’s not even talk about the embarrassing erections that can never be hidden no matter what I do or wear. One time during my NYSC service, I slept off during one of those long boring talks, and when I woke up, I had a crazy hard-on. The girl next to me had to tell me to pat it down. I was so embarrassed.
Ahmed, 39
Dick Length: 7.5 inches
When you have a big penis, you have to take extra care not to hurt or bruise your partner. You have to be inventive with positioning and you can’t afford to go out of control or get lost in the heat of the moment. And that can be really difficult. It takes a lot of patience and practice. For most women I’ve been with, it took a while to adjust, but lube and foreplay have helped. Buying the right size of condoms has also been a struggle for me, especially when I travel to countries where the average size they have is less than 7 inches. I once had a weird experience in Portugal where I was searching all over town for extra-large condoms.
Temi, 24
Dick Length: Almost 9 inches
In secondary school, people liked to mention my penis size a lot. While having my bath, a lot of boys would look at my penis and call me “Small But Mighty”. And not just boys: one time I was seen having my bath by a female lieutenant (junior rank in the navy) and she started calling me by my English name, Armstrong, but with too much emphasis on the “strong”.
To be very honest, the part I don’t really like about having a big penis is the insertion. It takes extra foreplay and lubrication to go in. For the first few minutes, it’s all adjustments and trying to be careful. Sometimes I forget and go all in and then. boop! I’ve caused pain or discomfort.
Backshots aren’t really as “backshotty” as they should be, and that’s because I can’t go all in, and hence there’s no clapping, and that’s not enjoyable.
Tobi, 24
Dick Length: 9 inches
I was sexting a girl once, and as we were talking on the phone, I sent her a picture of my penis on Snapchat. I told her to check her snap and when she did, she said, “Jesus,” and cut the call. We haven’t spoken since then. Some women are skeptical about having sex with me due to my size. One ghosted me on and off, and she tried to pass me off to her friend, but nothing materialised from either.
Apart from that, there’s the bleeding. Basically, no matter how wet she is, she might dry up a bit due to friction. To avoid this, I make sure the women cum first through foreplay. This is good lubrication, and also so that they are satisfied, so that when I start satisfying myself, I don’t hear story.
If you’ve ever thought about why you never seem to move forward with your weight loss diet goals, I’m here to tell you that it’s due to your inability to stay away from the Nigerian foods below. And don’t worry, I’m not judging you. I totally understand.
Banga and starch
Banga and starch will forever be a top tier combination. But if you’re trying to make any progress with your weight loss and diet, this combo will take you 10 steps backwards. I mean, banga soup is literally 50% oil. How can you be drinking oil and complaining that your summer body is not bodying? And starch is literally the ingredient everyone tries to avoid in meals, but Nigerians are mixing it with palm oil and calling it swallow. God safe us.
Garri
If you’re drinking garri with just water, you’re fine. As the Nigerian that you are, you’re most likely mixing your garri with milk, groundnut, sugar and (for the psychopaths out there) salt. This concoction is where the problem lies.
Akpu
From saying the name alone, you can already tell this food is heavy as hell.. If you eat Akpu often, be sure that the body goal you’re trying to reach has been delayed. You’ll eat akpu and sleep for three days, while the calories just settle and create a home in your stomach.
Yam
Yam is such a sneaky bitch. You’ll think you’re eating healthy by eating boiled yam, only to find out that half a slice of yam is 118 calories. And here’s the thing; —you and I know that no one eats just half a slice. So imagine what 3 full slices will do to your body. And that’s even before you pair it up with a side like fried eggs. Omo!
You’re eating akara in the middle of a big loaf of agege bread, combined with pap filled with half a container of milk and three big tablespoons of sugar and you have the audacity to wonder why the trousers you wore last week are suddenly tight around the waist? Please come off it.
Dodo
God help you if it’s the over ripe, soggy dodo that soaks up enough oil to give somebody a heart attack. (That’s the only dodo I recognise by the way). Diet in the actual mud.
Small chops
Small chops are the major reason half of Nigerians haven’t reached their supposed fitness and health goals yet. There’s nothing healthy in a small chops pack because all the things inside are deep fried in oil. The worst part is that you can’t even avoid small chops as a Nigerian because it’s in your face everywhere you go. If you don’t see it being sold in traffic, you’ll find it at a wedding reception, or your office party.
Ewa Agoyin
The problem with ewa agoyin is not the beans, it’s the “stew” that is basically oil with a dash of tomato and pepper. And some cultists will still have the audacity to eat it with yam because they want a “balanced diet”. LMAO.
Everyone is unique and has their own style, but I promise you, every Nigerian woman has these things in her apartment.
1. Plants
Apparently, apart from diamonds, plants are also a girl’s best friend. And that’s why every Nigerian woman’s apartment looks like a mini version of the Amazon rainforest.
2. Sex toys
Because Nigerian women don’t joke with their orgasms.
3. Skincare products
Nigerian women are skincare junkies by birth. Whether or not they naturally have clear skin is not important. You’ll go to their house and see skincare products fighting for space on their dressing tables.
4. Souvenirs
Go to the kitchen and pick a mug in a Nigerian woman’s house, I promise you’ll see “Congratulations Foluso & Amanda” or a plastic bowl that says “Mummy Chioma @ 60”. With the number of party souvenirs Nigerian women bring home, we’re beginning to suspect they do hustle for them primarily to decorate their homes. Why buy plates and mugs when you can get them for free at a Nigerian owambe?
There’s a cabinet you shouldn’t open in a Nigerian woman’s kitchen, and that’s because if you open it, a big mountain of plastic food packs from different types of food vendors will come falling down. It’s not news that Nigerian women don’t like cooking, especially not after they’ve had to do it for many years under the roof of their Nigerian parents.
6. Men’s shirts
There’s something about women and collecting shirts from men. If you check a woman’s closet, we’re sure you’ll find a section filled with shirts and hoodies she has snatched from different men, from partners to family members to friends.
7. Book shelves
It doesn’t matter whether they enjoy reading or not. As long as the bookshelf is fine and contributes to the minimalist decor style, you’ll see it.
8. Raffia basket
Either you find a big raffia basket, a raffia mat, a raffia handbag or a raffia hand fan laying somewhere in a Nigerian woman’s house. The connection between Nigerian women and raffia needs to be studied deeply. Is there something we don’t know that they know? Is there a war coming soon and is raffia the weapon we need?
9. Full-length mirror
A full-length mirror is the first thing a Nigerian woman buys for her apartment.. Nothing else matters until there’s a full-length mirror in the house.
It’s the weekend, and this means people are looking for places to go to destroy whatever is left of their livers. But not everyone wants to go out. Some people want to get drunk in the comfort of their homes, and that’s fine too. If you are part of this group and are tired of drinking boring-ass plain alcohol, we’ve come up with cocktail recipes you can try with ingredients you most likely already have in your house.
1. Zobo Martini
If you’ve been thinking about what to do with that zobo that has been in your fridge for ages, try making a zobo martini. For this recipe you’ll need half a cup of unsweetened zobo, vodka, lemon juice, sugar, lemon or lime, and sugar syrup. To make a sugar syrup, dissolve sugar in water over low heat and let it cool for a bit.
Recipe:
Rim your glass: Cut a lime or lemon in half and rub it around the edge of a glass cup, making sure that the rim is coated with the juice. Next, pour some sugar on a plate and roll the edge of the cup around the sugar until it sticks to the rim.
Put a few cubes of ice in a cocktail shaker (or any cup with a lid, because not everybody randomly keeps a cocktail shaker in their house), pour the zobo, two shots of vodka, two tablespoons of lemon juice and one tablespoon of sugar syrup in the shaker, cover and shake vigorously.
Pour the liquid into your rimmed cocktail glass. Add a slice of lemon to the cocktail glass.
2. Hot Toddy
Have you ever tried a hot cocktail? If you’re a tea lover and also a lover of alcohol, you’ll love this combination. If you have either brandy, rum or whiskey at home, you can make yourself a Hot Toddy.
Recipe
Boil water in a kettle, pour it in a mug and add your preferred tea bag. Leave to brew for 3-5 minutes.
In a separate cup, add a tablespoon of honey.
Add your liquor next and a tablespoon of lemon juice.
Lastly, add your brewed tea and stir well.
You can add a lemon wedge for garnish, or customise the flavour of your tea to spice things up.
3. Reverse Espresso Martini
Don’t worry, we have something for coffee lovers too. All you need for this is coffee, vodka and Baileys.
Recipe:
Add a tablespoon of coffee into a mug of boiled water to make a simple quick espresso.
Freeze the espresso in an ice cube tray.
Pour the vodka and baileys into a cocktail shaker, shake for about a minute and then strain into a tumbler. filled with ice.
It’s time to open up your spice closet. This recipe includes beer, lime juice, hot sauce, soy sauce, and black pepper. Yes, you read that right. Aren’t you tired of drinking normal beer? Try something new abeg.
Recipe:
Fill a beer mug with ice and add a tablespoon of lemon juice, three dashes of hot sauce,three dashes of soy sauce, and a dash of black pepper
Stir until well mixed.
Top up with any beer of your choice.
We know you might be tempted to add ata gunun at this point. Please, don’t. Yoruba people, we’re looking at you.
5. Fiery Nsukka Pepper Martini
Before you begin to do your face like we just asked you to try the forbidden fruit, try the cocktail first. For this, you’ll need orange juice , vodka, lemon juice, Nsukka pepper or scotch bonnets and ice cubes.
Recipe
Add the orange juice, ice cubes and two pieces of scotch bonnets into a blender. To reduce the heat, you can take out the seeds from the pepper. Blend until the pepper breaks down, almost completely.
Sieve into a cocktail shaker, add the vodka, lemon juice, extra ice cubes, and shake.
Pour into a glass, and you’re good to go.
6. Rum, Coke And Champagne
If you’re tired of the regular rum and coke, try adding champagne into the mix. All you have to do is pour rum, coke and champagne into a glass of ice and stir and you’re good to go. If you don’t want to use champagne, you can try sparkling wine.
7. Vodka Cranberry
A Vodka cranberry is easy to make. The ingredients are literally in the name — Vodka and Cranberry (juice). Just mix the two together and you have yourself a simple cocktail. You can add as much alcohol as you want, you’re in your house, no one can beat you.
With the sad state of the Nigerian dating scene, you may simply just be grateful to find a partner who has a job. But as a fellow millennial who’s been there, done that and has dated all sorts of people in different professions, I’m here to save you stress and alert you to the red flags. No need to thank me; it’s for the culture
1. TikTok Creators
TikTok content creators will just frustrate your life, either by playing useless pranks on you for the sake of content or making you do annoying challenges. The country is already stressful enough please.
2. Tech People
Do you want to be with someone that is emotionally unavailable? Tech people only have enough emotional availability for all of their codes and software; anything more is excessive. And at your big age, you can’t be fighting for love and attention.
3. Bloggers
Bloggers will use any chance they get to create content for their page. Imagine going on a date with a food blogger and they bring out a mini ring light at a restaurant just to create food content. No please.
4. Architects
You want to date an architect in this country? Who doesn’t know that Nigerian architects don’t have money? The last thing you want as a millennial is to be with somebody whose career hasn’t taken off yet. If you want to date an architect, be sure that they are retired and in their 60s.
5. Writers
You wake up one day to find out your whole life has been turned into a novel simply because your partner found your story as interesting material. You can’t just gist your partner about things happening in your life because they’ll use it as material. God please abeg.
6. Musicians
This will be a big problem if you end up dating someone who makes trash music. Because you’ll have to pretend to like it and even promote it. God forbid.
7. Police
Do we really need to explain this one? Nobody should date any member of the Nigerian police force. It’s not even about the fact that their job is dangerous. It’s about the fact that you’d likely be dating someone who is involved in daily bribery and corruption. Everyday they’ll be dragging your partner’s profession on the internet for one atrocious act or the other.
8. Therapists
If you date a therapist, you’re using your own eyes and legs to look for stress. Therapists will psychoanalyse everything you do and say. You can’t just be sad or upset around your partner without them naming several disorders according to your symptoms. Which kind wahala be that?
The UEFA Champions League is back. For those of us who are dating core football fans, this means that between now and December, there will be days during the week when our partners will be watching 22 men run on a field while two men scream instructions at them from the sidelines. Here’s what you can be doing while they’re doing that.
1. Cook a 12-course meal
The match is ninety minutes long, and that’s minus added time. If you truly want to distract yourself, enter the kitchen and cook a 12-course meal. By the time you’re done, your partner will most likely be done with their match too. However, you may be too tired to have their time by then.
2. Tell them, “We need to talk”
Nothing. Absolutely nothing will redirect their attention from a football match faster than this statement. What better way to distract them from the tension of the knockout stages?
3. Call your friends and go out
Dress up sexy and go out with friends that aren’t football watchers. To make it more fun, go to a strip club. By the time your partner finally removes their eyeballs from the TV screen at the end of the match, you’d already be downing shots of tequila and putting money in the underwear of naked people.
4. Test out your new sexy underwear
Once you wear it, walk in front of the TV and see their reaction. They may shout at you and tell you to move away from the TV, but it’s worth a try.
5. Make it special for them
You can decide to be nice. Invite their friends over and get them snacks and drinks. UCL nights are pretty important and full of tension. But be sure to tell them that they’ll be the ones cleaning up afterward sha.
6. Switch the TV to your favourite show
They’ll fight you, but at least they’ll be paying attention to you.
7. Watch your favourite show alone
If they’d rather watch a bunch of grown men kicking and chasing a ball than the next episode of your favourite show together, it’s their loss. Watch the newest episodes and give them spoilers. Smh.
8. Annoy them with your cluelessness
Watch the match with your partner but give as much commentary as possible. Mix up the names of the teams and players and ask a lot of questions. Person wey say e mama no go sleep, em sef no go sleep.
9. Cheat
Any partner that chooses football over you is not someone that deserves your loyalty. Pick up your phone and find a side piece that has your time.
Being in the streets shuffles between being the best thing in the world and being the absolute ghetto. Join us as we explore the pros and cons.
Pro: Zero Commitment whatsoever
One of the best parts of being in the streets is that you’re not owing anyone any explanation. You can flirt with whoever you like, go on dates with anyone and the people you’re sleeping with have no right to be upset.
Con: The people you want to sleep with might not want to sleep with you
Do you know how frustrating it is when the people you just want to have flings with are looking for committed relationships? You’re now left wondering the streets looking for “no strings attached” sex, and that’s just beyond stressful.
Pro: You get to have sex with as many people as you want
You’re not tied down to one person. You can sleep with multiple people separately or even all at once.
Con: High possibility of experiencing bad sex regularly
As you’re sleeping with every and any kind of sexual partners, chances of sleeping with people who are mid or bad in bed, are higher. God abeg.
Pro: No one is cheating on you
Because you’re not dating anybody and nobody is dating you.
Con: You may catch feelings
This will happen if you’re sleeping with one particular person more than the others. Either you catch feelings or they fall in love with you. Either way, it’s dangerous if one person fails to stick to the initial agreement of just sex.
Pro: You get to experiment sexually
Being in the streets, you get to meet different kinds of people who have different sexual expectations, different kinks, and different modes of pleasure. This will lead to you experimenting sexually and discovering new pleasures you didn’t know you had.
Con: They’ll send you out at 4 am
In the midst of discovering yourself and experimenting, you might encounter a few mad people who will wake you up at 4 am and tell you to leave their house. And what can you do? Nothing. Just take heart and do your walk of shame.
Pro: Peace of mind
Nobody is stressing you with mood swings or petulant fights. You don’t have to worry or get upset about not receiving any texts or calls from a partner.
Con: It’s cold outside
On the other hand, the streets can feel lonely. You have no shoulder to cry on or a bosom to rest on. Can’t call your fuck body to vent about a bad day. Wetin consine am?
Pro: You’ll save money
Or you’ll spend more of it on yourself. Either way, you’re not spending money on many gifts (birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.), date nights or couple hangouts. Do you know how much you’ve saved right there?
Con: You may not save money
You’re not going to bring everyone home, so you’ll most likely be paying hotel bills, cab fares, etc. And just because you’re in the streets doesn’t mean you won’t go out on dates. Some people want the full experience of wooing, wining and dining before sex.
Pro: Nobody is serving you breakfast
You’re not afraid of any breakfast. You’re not constantly worried about the person you have strong feelings for waking up one day and saying they’re no longer interested.
Con: Nobody is romancing you either
Nobody is sending you random gifts and heartfelt notes, or sweet texts in the morning. Instead, you’re getting “Wanna fuck?” texts. Before you know it, you’ll start singing about leaving the Streets.
If you think that there’s only one type of people who watch romantic movies — the ones who love love — you’re wrong. There are five types of romantic movie watchers. Find them below.
The “God when”
At every single point in the movie, especially in areas where the romance is peak, be prepared to hear “God when?” “God, am I not your child?” and “God please nowww!” In summary, just be prepared to be frustrated because these ones won’t allow you to hear word until God does their own.
The Analysers
They analyse every part of the movie and tell you what can and what can’t happen in real life. They won’t let you just enjoy the fact that it’s a movie.
The cryers
If you’re with a cryer, just make sure tissue is nearby. The scene may not even be remotely sad but they’re already sniffling. Imagine if it’s now a scene where the man stops the love of his life at the airport from getting on a plane and there’s a big emotional exchange between the two. Oh the floodgates!
The Haters
These ones are upset because they lack romance in their lives, and so they hate to see romance happen to anyone else, including movie characters. At every point of the movie, you’ll find them hissing and getting upset at the characters for no reason.
“Can never be me”
These types of romantic movie watchers always claim they can never do the romantic things they see in movies, especially when a particular amount of simping is involved. Imagine watching Titanic with them: “Jack stayed in that freezing water for Rose? Can never be me.”
It’s the month of love and GOtv is serving a great lineup of romantic movies and series for you to enjoy with that special person. Don’t miss the exciting shows they have lined up: Girls Trip, Deliver Us From Eva, Blackish, Nigerian Idol S7 and many more.
All you have to do is get a GOtv decoder and GOtenna which comes with a one-month subscription for just N7,900, to enjoy maximum entertainment this month of love.
From praying for you, his future partner at the midnight hour to thinking about the next Tik Tok challenge, these are the things men do when you think they’re cheating – evidence sourced by real research.
1. He’s with his mechanic
Is there ever a time when a man is not fighting with his mechanic? Just as soon as he finishes dealing with one car trouble, another one shows up. So in case you think he’s cheating, no he isn’t. He’s actually fighting with Tunde about his missing carburetor.
2. Practising TikTok challenges with his friends
If you think women love Tik Tok challenges, men love them more. Have you seen the Kupe boys? Your man is definitely somewhere with his friends, shirtless and recording himself busting moves.
3. Recording podcasts
If there’s one thing men love to do, it’s sit down and record podcasts where they talk about how the types of women from their grandmothers’ time no longer exist. Honestly, for this one, we think it’s better if he just cheated.
4. Being an alibi for cheating
He’s not cheating. He’s just out there lying for his buddy who’s actually cheating. Don’t you just love a supportive friend?
5. He’s selflessly helping people at his gym.
He doesn’t like to see an unfinished workout routine. He’s correcting the form of a young person at the gym who’s “struggling” to do stretches.
6. Offering rides to helpless strangers
Don’t worry, he’s only being a good Nigerian citizen and picking up strangers that need to get to work on time.
7. In bed with someone else
He’s just showing them a couple of moves that they can use for their partner, that’s all.
8. Cheating
Because men will always cheat, don’t ever assume otherwise.
It’s TGIF and we know a lot of you drunkards out there are going to be downing bottles of alcohol tonight like you have spare livers kept aside somewhere.
Tomorrow you’ll wake up with the worst headache, and you’ll tell yourself you’ll never drink again. We both know that’s a lie; it’s the hangover talking. We understand that hangovers are from the pit of hell, and that’s why these remedies — However weird they seem — may help you recover.
Disclaimer: This isn’t medical advice in anyway.
1. Raw eggs and orange juice
This is a top-tier combo. The raw egg contains chemicals that will help restore functions to your body, and the orange juice has Vitamin C, which helps revitalise your body. Plus, the orange juice cancels out the taste of the raw egg.
2. Garri and coke
Do you want your hangover to go away or not? So do yourself a favour and pour half a bottle of coke into a bowl of garri and drink it like you’d drink normal garri and water. The coke is to give you energy, while the garri is to soak up all the alcohol.
3. Agbo jedi jedi
If you don’t already know, Nigerians use agbo jedi to cure every single disease on this planet. So if it can cure cancer, liver disease, stroke, heart disease, what’s now ordinary hangover?
4. Sardines
Yes, just sardines. The oil, fish and salt work together to settle your stomach. Don’t ask us questions, just do it.
5. Indomie and ketchup
First of all, you’re welcome, because this one is tried and tested, so take our word for it.
6. Igbeaux
Because highness >>>> hangover.
7. Alcohol
This is most likely the last thing you want to hear, but the only way to get over a hangover is to drink again. But this time, the type of alcohol you need to drink is the one that comes in a sachet: the kind that only roadside sellers have. Ask for Chelsea. This type of alcohol will burn the hangover right out of your system.
8. Eba and Okra
One way to get over a hangover is by eating heavy food. And what’s heavier than eba? By the time you finish eating the eba, sleep will slap you so hard, you’ll forget about any hangover. We chose okra soup so that the okra would draw out the alcohol in your body. Get it? Draw? If you don’t get it, forget about it.
9. Sex
If you’re having throbbing hangover headaches, sex is a great remedy for that. Having sex releases a hormone that is thought to help control pain. You’ll feel more relaxed and might eventually get some restful sleep.
After the devil and Yoruba men, fitness trainers are the next top set of liars. They’ll lie to you with their full chest just to either make you do that extra exercise or to chop your money. If you’ve ever had a fitness trainer, below are seven lies you must have heard.
1. “One more rep.”
The biggest lie of them all. One more, one more, and that’s how you’ve done 20 extra reps. Do they want to kill somebody?
2. “The scale doesn’t matter.”
So why did you ask me to check my starting weight at the beginning?
3. “You can do it!”
No, I can’t o. I can’t! Whenever they say this phrase, it’s not because they believe you can actually do it. It’s their way of trying to ginger you to do an exercise that will almost kill you. And that’s what they want. To kill you.
4. “No pain, no gain.”
Says who? Don’t you just want to slap them across the face when they say this? They think that by pushing you beyond your limits and lying to you while at it, you’ll work harder. Omo, once I begin to feel small pain, I run away. I can’t come and kill myself because of gain. Will gain take me to heaven?
5. “Last exercise.”
Every single exercise is the last exercise until you actually reach the original last one. It’s extra heartbreaking because these trainers will look you in the eye in your most vulnerable moment and assure you that that is your last workout, knowing fully well that it isn’t. After God, fear them.
6. “You’re gaining muscle.”
“You’re gaining muscle and losing fat. Muscle weighs more than fat, that’s why you’re not seeing changes yet.” Please stop lying to me. Which muscle are you seeing? Just say your program isn’t working.
Oga, what type of lie is this now? I’ve only been working out with you for three days, which weight did I lose?
The goal this year is to step up, and that includes fitness. Not everybody likes going to the gym. Personally, we think people who go to the gym every day have their lives all sorted out. If you’re like the rest of us that don’t have the strength or time to step into that sweat dungeon, here are five exercises you can do at the gym and also in your everyday life.
Squats
Squats can easily be done anytime and anywhere. You can squat while cooking, carrying grocery bags, doing your next work task (depending on what it is) while watching TV etc.
Jumping Jacks
If you want to burn a lot of calories quickly, do jumping jacks. You don’t even have to do too many With about 200 jumping jacks, you’re good. Now imagine having to leave your house for something you can do in the comfort of your living room. This also applies to jump rope exercises.
Dance
You can never go wrong with dancing. Out of your 1-hour lunch break, take 20 minutes to play loud music and dance your heart out. Do you know how many calories you can burn by doing leg work alone? The elliptical can never compare.
Walk
You can choose to walk around your compound or take a walk around your neighbourhood if you have the time. it’s definitely more interesting and fascinating than walking on a basic ass treadmill.
Climb Stairs
No stair master? No problem. if you set aside just 10-15 minutes of your day to go up and down any flight of steps, you can burn more than 100 calories. Taking the stairs is a great aerobic exercise, not to mention, it’s free. No gym membership fee whatsoever.
Sit Down
Working out is not a must, please. Some of us are okay with our lazy selves, we’d rather just wake up, go to the couch, sit down and watch some TV.
If there are people out there like us, (which we know there are), thankfully, DStv has got you covered this month. With the StepUp Boost offer, both active and disconnected subscribers can enjoy the opportunity to pay less to enjoy an exciting lineup of world-class quality entertainment.
For more information, visit www.DStvafrica.com. You can also download the MyDStv app, or dial *288# reconnect and other self-service options.
It’s Valentine’s day. Do you have a date? Don’t worry. Your enemies will not succeed this year, We’re here to help you out. What’s one thing that almost everybody loves? If your answer was money, you’re not wrong, but the other correct answer is ice cream. And because Valentine’s Day is a dessert-fueled holiday, ice cream is the perfect way to sweep your crush off their feet so they can finally fall head over heels. . But to get it right, you have to come correct with the right flavours. Here’s a list of flavours you can use to successfully woo your crush this Valentine’s:
Valentine Red Velvet Ice Cream Cake
Nothing goes better together like Valentine’s Day and Valentine’s cake. There’s nothing more romantic than this cake. Honestly, there’s no way your crush would say no if you buy this for them.
Strawberry Cake Batter
Hear us out; you can use this flavour as a cheeky way to ask your crush out on a date. Send them the ice cream with a note attached saying “I would like you to make my afternoon as sweet as this strawberry ice cream?” It’s cute, quirky, and funny. It’ll definitely make them smile.
Berry Berry Good
Strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries combined?? Send this to your crush with a note saying it reminds you of how sweet they are. They’d blush all the way to the store to buy you your Valentine’s present, and then to your house.
Cheesecake Fantasy:
Your crush shouldn’t have to choose between cake and ice cream on Valentine’s Day (or any day for that matter) and now they don’t have to. Cheesecake and ice cream combined into one??? Use this flavour to toast us please, we will say yes.
Oreo Overload
Another name for this ice cream flavour is sensual overload. This flavour features chocolate chips, Oreos, and fudge can be used to steal anybody’s heart. If your crush has been doing hard guy, send them this and watch them find their way into your DMs.
When it comes to celebrating Valentine’s Day, nobody does it better than Cold Stone Creamery. They pull out all the stops when it comes to ice cream flavours and also give the best deals.
While you’re at it, order an ice cream or cake for your crush without stressing. Just go online and order straight from the Cold Stone website. If you don’t have anybody to send to, we’re always here and we’ll never say no. Just DM us and ask for our address.
We all set goals at the beginning of the year, and, at that point in time, we were quite certain about the possibilities of achieving them. But somewhere in between the beginning of January and the end of it, resolutions were forgotten and, according to Chinua Achebe, things fell apart. If this applies to you, here are 4 goals you (and a lot of other people) are probably struggling with.
Saving Money
Every year, people make a goal to save money. They even draw up budgets to show how serious they are, but by the time things like rent, utility bills, shopping expenses, and mechanic wahala hit, the goal disappears. At the end of the year, the story becomes “I’m just grateful to have made it to the end of the year alive.”
Mental Health
Every Nigerian living in Nigeria understands the importance of taking care of your mental health. That’s why it’s a goal that appears at the top of our lists every year. But, between work, family and surviving the country in general, we tend to put our mental health on the back burner, and just say “it is well.”
Fitness
Raise your hand if you’re one of the people who always adds “getting fit” as a new year resolution then quits the gym in the third week of January. Don’t worry. We’re many on this table. 90% of the time, the reason why people quit is a lack of discipline and consistency or pure laziness.
Learning new skills:
The two reasons why people can’t seem to achieve this goal are time and money. People can’t find time away from work to learn new skills because everybody wants to use their weekends to either rest or turn up. Even if they do find the time, a lot of courses run into hundreds of dollars, and in this economy, who has that kind of money lying around?
This year, Flux is trying to change the narrative by helping 10,000 Nigerians achieve their goals. They’ve partnered with some amazing brands to help individuals achieve their goals in the areas of fitness,mental health and learning new skills.
In the area of fitness, Flux has partnered with a popular fitness trainer, Kemen fitness, to give people free access to his fitness classes and nutrition plans.
To help people achieve their goals of learning new skills, they’ve partnered with the Australian e-learning company, Entry Level, to give people a 95% discount on their non-coding tech courses. These courses include data analysis, growth marketing, product management and UX designer.
In the case of mental health, Flux has partnered up with Nguvu Health, to give individuals free access to professional therapists and 40% off video therapy sessions.
To find out more information about the Flux Growth program, be sure to join their Twitter Space happening on Friday the 11th of February 2022, where the details of the program will be properly explained.
Let me start this article by saying that women don’t cheat. My queens are loyal and not capable of infidelity. , It’s not even a concept that exists for us. The situations below are just hypothetical situations—you know, just for the fun of it. So, in a world where women cheat (a world that doesn’t exist), here are six signs that you are the side guy.
You never get to meet her friends
This is a major tell. When a woman wants to show off someone she really likes, she first introduces him/her to her friends, also known as “The boyfriend approval panel”. If you don’t meet them, you’re definitely the side guy. That being said, the fact that you meet her friends doesn’t mean you’re not the side guy o. Women are so smart, you could be the side guy and still meet her friends. Fear women.
No photos of you exist
If there’s one thing that women love, it’s taking pictures with their partners, even if they aren’t posting it anywhere. If you’ve been dating her for a while, it’s normal that there would be photos of you on social media or just on her phone. But if you try to take a photo with her and she tells you to not post it online, run o. The reason she might tell you is because she’s a “private person ” but come oooon, we all know what this means.
She doesn’t acknowledge you on social media
If she makes statements on social media that start with or have “This man…” my dear, forget it, you’re the side piece. If she’s being vague online about her relationship or acts like she’s not in a relationship, you’re definitely not THE boyfriend. And her reason for it would be “I like to keep my personal life private”. Liessssss! So, she’s not posting pictures of both of you, and she’s not acknowledging the relationship at all on social media? In the words of famous philosopher David Adeleke A.K.A Davido “something fishy’s going down”.
She’s not into any form of PDA
This isn’t always one of the sure signs you’re her side piece because some people are just not into PDA, but if she refuses to even hold your hand, welp. Without PDA, she can easily deny you and say you’re just a friend, we call that plausible deniability.
If she is always missing out on important dates, that’s another sign that there is no real commitment. Okay let’s say she has other things to do during other holidays, what about Christmas? If she’s not spending Christmas with you, you’re the side guy, my G. And most likely her excuse would be that she’s travelling with family, most likely to the village. Every time it comes to spending holidays together, she always has an excuse. Most importantly, if you don’t get to see her on her birthday, that’s a major sign. Although we women can have three birthdays in one year so you might never know, even if you ask for a birth certificate.
She doesn’t see you that much
If you were her boyfriend, she would try to make sure that she sees you as much as possible. However, as a side guy, she might only see you once or twice in two weeks and her excuse would be that she’s really busy. Also, your dates might only be during weeknights, and most times, they would be at your house.
If your “woman” is doing any of these things, you’re definitely not the main guy.
Remember that these were all hypothetical situations, women don’t have side guys because they don’t cheat.
This 2022, we’re not joking around. We’re making intentional efforts to step up our lives and put our village people to shame. That’s why we’ve come up with this no-bullshit guide to stepping up.
Set specific goals
Nobody counts January as a month, the actual year starts in February, so it’s not too late to set your goals. In order for you to step up, you first need to know what you want and how you want to achieve it. And please don’t let your goals be “I want to make money this year.” We all want to do that dear, the question is “how?”
Grow up and take responsibility
We did say this was a no-bullshit guide so we’re not going to mince words with you. You are responsible for your own life, take charge of it and do what you need to do (that is legal) to step up this year. No more excuses.
Shoot your shot
We’re not just talking about relationship shots here. Step up your career by shooting professional shots for companies and brands you want to work with/for. Step up your friendship circle by shooting friendship shoots at people who you think would make good friends.
Clean up and fix up your appearance
We’re sure you’ve heard of the phrase, “Fake it till you make it.” It’s a skill that a lot of Nigerians have mastered. When you look like what you want to become, you’ll work hard towards becoming it. Yes, you can quote us anytime.
Invest
In this big 2022, we don’t think you need us to tell you how important investing is in stepping up your life. Are you seeing the crypto big boys? Do we need to tell you more? You don’t necessarily have to invest by buying crypto. There are many other investment opportunities. You can start by buying that small land in your village.
Make More Money
The major way to step up, especially in a country like Nigeria is by making more money. That’s why you’ll find many Nigerians doing multiple side jobs. Find a skill you’re good at and monetize it. Or invest in various trainings and make yourself a good candidate for promotion in your office.
Join the DStv Step Up Geng
The Ultimate best way to step up is by taking a break to enjoy the exciting lineup of world-class content DStv has prepared for you. With the DStv Step Up offer, your viewing experience just got better because you now have the opportunity to pay less to enjoy an exciting quality entertainment.
The DStv Step Up campaign allows DStv subscribers to upgrade one step above their current package, for a more pleasurable viewing experience. New, active, or disconnected DStv customers on the Yanga package who upgrade to the Confam package, will get boosted to enjoy programming on the Compact package. Similarly, those on the Compact package who renew on Compact Plus will get boosted to experience DStv Premium.
Upgrade your subscription to the next package and get boosted one package higher.
For more information, visit www.DStvafrica.com. You can also download the MyDStv app, or dial *288# reconnect and other self-service options.
