Damilola, Author at Zikoko!

How Nigerian are you really? Answer the simple questions in this ‘citizenship test’ as honestly as possible, and we’ll let you know. Don’t worry, this is as accurate as it gets.

Go ahead:

11 Of The Most Popular Zikoko Quizzes Of All Time

Here are the best performing Zikoko quizzes ever. Take them.
This Sunday is World Jollof Rice Day!
You might be a Nigerian jollof fan or a Ghanaian jollof fan. You might think that Jamie Oliver’s jollof was on point or you might believe it was disgusting. You might not even like jollof rice (what is wrong with you?). But you have to agree that jollof rice is important. So this World Jollof Rice Day (yes, this is a thing), MAGGI Nigeria and Kitchen Butterfly have organised a special event to celebrate World Jollof Day. Here’s what’s going down:
1. A Jollof Rice exhibition.

Involving food art from super-creative Haneefah Adams (@muslimahanie) and the winners of the Instagram Photo Contest for World Jollof Rice Day.
2. A lesson on the history of Jollof Rice.

For those of you who want to know were jollof comes from (hint: heaven).
3. A chat with the convener of the first Wolof/Jolof Exhibition.

His name is Folakunle Oshun and he’s a sculptor. And a jollof rice lover.
4. A book meet on “Jollof Rice in Literature.”

Who knew that jollof rice was so deep? Wana Udobong, Ozoz Sokoh and Amanda Chukwudozie will be discussing Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie, Without a Silver Spoon by Eddie Iroh and other books. Eghosa Imasuen, author of fine boys will moderate and they’ll discuss themes like the cultural significance of Jollof, Jollof Rice across ethnic and socioeconomic barriers and Jollof as comfort food. (Seriously though, who knew?)
5. An actual meal of Jollof Rice from Ghana High

Now you’re talking!
6. And finally, the after-party!

Because ain’t no party like a Jollof party…
7. And it’s going down this Sunday 21st August…

… at Whitespace (58 Raymond Njoku, Ikoyi, Lagos) between 4 and 7 pm. They said you should come hungry, we agree!
This week has been a tough one! The murders of two black men by police officers in America have got everyone talking.

And we have some things to say about them too:

But American police officers are not the only ones that behave unlawfully, our own Nigerian police are lacking serious home training too:

Have you had a bad experience with police officers in Nigeria or abroad? Share them below in our comments section.
1. You, never missing an opportunity to take a selfie:

Even in the middle of a life crisis, you’re there taking selfies.
2. You, spending ‘quality time’ with your friends.

“I have to capture the moment.”
3. You, whenever you see anything that resembles a camera or phone:

Time to slay.
4. How you feel when you look great but don’t have a phone to take a selfie.

What is life at this point?
5. When you ask for your friend’s phone and return it full of your selfies.

Have to take a selfie by all means necessary abeg.
6. What you look for in a phone:

What else matters?
7. What your camera roll looks like:

For the love of selfies.
8. When you’ve taken a million selfies and finally find the right one.

Too lit!
9. How you feel after you’ve mastered the art of selfie taking.

BOSS!
10. How you take selfies when you want your whole outfit to show.

Cannot come and be wasting kacks.
11. You, when your friends decide to do ‘silly faces’ in pictures, but pouting is your signature pose.

You people are on your own.
12. You staying camera ready at all times.

Gats be prepared.
13. You, posting every great selfie you take so they don’t go to waste.

Waste not, want not.
14. How you impact ‘selfie wisdom’ to your friends:

Na so.
15. Your parents every time you take a selfie:

Somebody cannot post ordinary selfie in peace again.
16. When you finally drag them into your selfie obsession.

A family that takes selfies together, stays together.
17. How your friends look at you when you get excited that it’s National Selfie Day.

Yes, there’s a National Selfie Day people. June 21st, get it right.
Anyway sha, don’t mind the haters. Take awesome selfies with the 13MP front facing camera on the new Tecno Camon C9.
Another day, another Zikoko podcast! This week we delve into 4 topics:
1. The tragic Orlando Massacre and America’s love for guns.

On June 12 2016, Omar Mateen took the lives of 49 innocent people and injured 53 others in a mass shooting at an LGBT club in Orlando, Florida. Yet many Americans are against gun control, believing everyone has the right to keep and own a gun based on their 2nd amendment right.
2. Americans and their attempt at the ‘African accent’ in Hollywood movies etc.

Zikoko writers have discussed this topic extensively. We wrote about Will Smith’s accent in the movie Concussion (based on Nigerian Dr. Bennet Omalu) and recently wrote a post on K.Michelle’s ‘speaking Nigerian‘. But it seems we have to keep talking about it because Hollywood won’t hear word.
3. Nigerian Tailors and “Yes ma, I can sew it”.

This doesn’t need much introduction, Nigerian tailors are the real enemies of progress. Just say you can’t sew the cloth. Stop destroying people’s dreams and aspirations please.
4. And finally, how tired of adulthood are you?

Being an adult is hard enough, but being an adult in Nigeria? Bruhhhhh…
Anyway, enough explanation. Listen to the podcast here and be blessed!:
1. Para-venture

The sentence doesn’t even make sense.
2. Revert Back

Almost as irritating as ‘reverse back’.
3. Fingers

And in case you didn’t realise, ‘fingers’ in this case means ‘calls out’ or ‘names’.
4. Flays/Flayed

What are you people flaying?!
5. Penetrate

Stop. Please stop.
6. Defiled

Do they not realise ‘defile’ is a synonym for ‘rape’??
7. On Seat

Bruhhh… do they mean ‘present’ or ‘available’?
8. Left No Stone Unturned

All this big grammar sha…
9. Feedbacks (sometimes written as feed-backs, as if that makes it better)

Da fuq?
10. Severally

What they mean is multiple times…
11. Out To Destroy

Always going for the over dramatic.
12. Lambasts

What happened to ordinary ‘criticize’?
13. Impregnate

Nigerian journalists can’t go a day without this word.
Welcome to the first edition of the Zikoko Podcast!

Turn up!
The Zikoko team are an outspoken bunch of young Nigerians and during one of our usual rants in the office, we came up with the idea to create a Zikoko podcast.

Where we share out thoughts and views on news, gist and various other topics on this thing called life.
So here is the first edition of our weekly podcast!

https://soundcloud.com/user-345829284/zikoko-podcast-episode-1-harambe-jesus-and-other-bedtime-stories
This week we discussed: Harambe: The 17-year old Gorilla that was shot and killed Our favourite albums of the year TV shows we recommend The Voice Nigeria JAMB cut off mark This year in Nigeria
Follow us on SoundCloud for more podcasts and share your thoughts with us below!

We hope you like it!
A few days ago, Joro Olumofin shared an email he received from a young lady on his Instagram page

And for you people that don’t like reading long things; she basically said that when her boyfriend saw the robbers approaching, he ran out of the car without even warning her

So when the Zikoko team heard about this craziness, we just couldn’t help but chook our own mouths inside

Maryam, Junior Writer

“I’ll dump him on the spot and ask if he’s okay afterwards since we all want to be childish. Just to make him know what it feels like to be suddenly abandoned.”
Nerd Efiko, Senior Writer

“It will pain me sha. At least warn me before you take off, let us run together. Hian.”
Damilola, Editor-In-Chief

“If my boyfriend did this to me, we are basically done. And since he wants to be silly and childish, I’ll put on him on blast – tell his mother, his father, his pastor, put them on a WhatsApp group and put him on BLAST. And it’s the kind of guy who’s always doing Bonnie and Clyde on Instagram that’ll do this sort of thing. But when it comes down to it…?”
Osarumen, Zikoko Contributor/Senior Editor at TechCabal

“First of all, I’m likely to be the one doing the running. If she beats me to it, then I’m going to put a ring on it. That is, if I can find her afterwards.”
Tola, Zikoko Contributor/Writer at TechCabal

“I’d probably just break up with him by never speaking to him again. Ever again. People heard the gist and were laughing… It’s so embarrassing Jesus!”
Odunayo, Staff Writer

“LMAOO. For me, I don’t expect my boyfriend to fight armed robbers, that’s obviously stupid. But at least stay with me, let’s give them all our belongings together. If he runs, I’m single now. We could have run together but…anyway, no space for cornflakes guys in my life.”
Tobi Smith, Staff Writer

“I’ll see it as God showing me she’s not the one for me. As she ran away, she should run out of my life. We are single now. But if it was the other way round, I’ll either stay with her and see what happens, or ask her how many legs she has, depending on how much I have and how strong the armed robbers faces are.”
So if your significant other ran away when you were approached by armed robbers, what would you do? Share your thoughts in the comments section
When you’re complaining to your girl that you and Femi haven’t fought in a month.

So you send him the “we need to talk” message.

How you act when he comes and tries to hug you.

“LOL, ok what did I do now?”

“SO YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW?”

“Jesus! Look at how you’re now shouting like a mad woman”

“It’s your side chick that is mad!”

“Which side chick now?”

“Your ‘edible catering’ now”

“Which one is ‘edible catering’ again?”

“So you’re going to act like you don’t know what I’m talking about abi?”

“You’re really not making any sense”

“It’s your mother that doesn’t have sense!”

“WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BRINGING MY MOTHER INTO THIS?”

“Omg why are you now shouting at me?!”

“Because you’re always taking things too far!”

When you realise you’ve actually taken things too far but the show must go on…

“So now you’re keeping quiet abi!”

“But why are you now getting angry?”

“Ok fine, let’s forget it. I’m sorry”

When you realise that he’s actually apologising for the fake drama you started:
Since tomatoes are now scarce in Nigeria, they have pretty much become ‘an endangered specie’. So being compared to a rare, scarce tomato is now a compliment ok?
Take this quiz and find out how many baskets of tomatoes you are worth.
If you’ve ever attend a Nigerian party, you’ll know how extravagant, amusing and flamboyant they can be! Here are 12 pictures that prove that no one else can throw a party like Nigerians can!
1. The divine taste of party jollof rice, small chops and assorted meat.

My stomach has found its soulmate and it’s Nigerian party food.
2. When everybody dresses like they are on their way to meet the president of Nigeria.

We must dress for inauguration, Oscars, Grammys, AMVCAs and MAMAs all in one night!
3. And some Nigerians will come ready to out-dress the host.

Sister, iz okay. Your own will come soon.
4. How everyone turns up when their favourite Nigerian banger comes on.

Once you hear “Sarz on the beat” or “It’s Young Jon the Wicked Producer”! It is lit!!

5. When they bring out the talking drums and the band starts to hail you.

Let it rain!

6. And if it’s your own party, you know you’re about to make some moneyyyy!

Plix, I only take dollars at this time. Tenks.
7. How some people will be arguing over party pack.

Ahn ahn… all because of party pack?
8. And those people that will be hiding food in Nylon bag!

Yes we know the food is delicious but NYLON!!? Upon all the Hermes bag you’ve been carrying!
9. And we absolutely love to have a photoshoot for every party we throw.

Just passed your first year in university? Photo shoot. Promotion at work? Photo shoot. Getting married? Pre-wedding shoot of course!
10. And even at your graduation party, you can get Nigerian celebs to come through, perform and slay lives.

Whether A-list, B-list, C-list or No-list at all, every photo-op is necessary.
11. Only Nigerians can have a themed-party for a wedding.

Amusement park meets wedding.
12. And if you are single and attending a Nigerian party, you just might get seized!

Soon you’ll be throwing your own Nigerian party that has Zero Competition! Don’t forget to serve Orijin Zero!
Nigerian headlines and news stories are so dramatic, they always sound unbelievable.. kind of like an April Fools joke. Can you tell which are real headlines and which are fake? Take the quiz to find out.
Thinking of planning your next holiday?? We think Kenya should be your first choice! Here are 35 extremely convincing reasons why you HAVE TO VISIT KENYA!:
1. Mt. Poi in the Ndoto Mountains of Northern Kenya

2. Pink flamingos on Lake Nakuru, also known as the blue lake in Kenya

3. Lake Paradise in Marsabit National Reserve. A highland lake in the middle of the desert

4. Flamingos basking in the sunset at Lake Nakuru

5. White sands at Watamu beach

6. A tourist crossing Ngare Serian’s rope bridge in the Maasai Mara

7. Beautiful aerial view of Nairobi at sunset

8. Equally beautiful view of the Nairobi skyline at night

9. Nairobi National Park. The only wild animal park in the world adjacent to a capital city

10. Gorgeous view of Diani beach

11. 400 year old tree in the Maasai Mara National Park

12. Hell’s Gate National Park, south of Lake Naivasha

13. A flamingo walking on water at Lake Nakuru

14. Gorgeous clouds overlooking Shela village at Lamu island

15. Serene image of the coast at Lamu

16. Elephants at Amboseli National Park

17. Stunning view overlooking the Menengai Crater at Nakuru

18. Aerial view of buffalo grazing on the shores of Lake Nakuru

19. Black Rhino grazing at Lake Nakuru National Park

20. Breathtaking sunrise hues at the shores of Lake Nakuru

21. This beautiful and tranquil landscape

22. An oasis in the middle of the desert in Wajir

23. The world famous white sandy beaches of Diani

24. Remarkable landscape of this long winding road at Nyeri

25. Striking image of a water lion in the Mara

26. Ndakaini dam in Murang’a

27. Blue water rock pool in Ngare Ndare Forest

28. Stunning image of cheetahs at Maasai Mara

29. Gorgeous shot of Mount Kenya

30. Elephants basking in the sunset at Maasai Mara

31. Breathtaking aerial view of Mt Longonot’s caldera

32. Remarkable view of Mt. Kilimanjaro from Amboseli National Park

33. Dolphins in Watamu

34. Spectacular view of the waters at Malindi

35. Descent from Lenana Peak on a snow-filled Mount Kenya

All images unless stated otherwise are taken from KENYAPICS
The life of a Nigerian man isn’t always easy, we know. Here are 13 tough situations every man has experienced in his life. You can either be bold, or you can be bold. Those are your options.
1. When you see a fine girl and attempt to flirt

So suave… so apt…so brilliant…NOT.
2. When you finally make her your boo and she takes you to meet her father for the first time

But he looks like Pete Edochie..
3. When you enter her house and her father sets the dog on you

The God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego will save me.
4. When she sees a text from another girl and you have to start explaining

Time to bring out the lies and apologies.
5. When you have to tell your parents that you want to study music not medicine

After they sent you abroad with all this exchange rate drama!!
6. And you tell them you don’t want to have children and they call a family meeting

Mum: “So this is how my enemies will destroy me!!”
7. When you talk back to your mother

“Will you shut up your mouth?!”
8. When your parents ask you to do something and you stupidly ask why

? You know you deserved that answer sha.
9. When you drive your father’s car without permission and bash it

Can Jesus just come back today please?
10. When LASTMA stops you

Is LASTMA your mate?
11. When agberos approach you

Will you form hard guy? Or will you run?
12. When your mother and wife are fighting and you have to pick a side

Is it not better to just leave them there to fight?
13. And when you boldly confess to your wife that you don’t like her food

LMAO Real Man No Fear abi?
Basketmouth has been busy making endorsement deals in Nigeria and the abroad.

Ahn ahn! Basketmouth fine small sha.
But just like anyone else pitching ideas, you’ve got to make sure your oga at the top is happy with it.

He holds the key to your success na… Financial success.
But what happens if he doesn’t like your idea at all?!

Open your mouth and start praying!
Do you try and explain yourself?

“Em Sah! You see the way this thing will look in the end ehn…”
Do you run?

Hay God and they gave him visa ohh!
Do you start thinking of all that money you won’t get?

*Cries in pounds, dollars and euros*
Watch how Basketmouth tries to salvage his business deal here:
1. When you arrive at the airport and the cold hits you. You run back and pack on jackets like Osuofia.

Osuofia in London. Who sent me message o?
2. When you get up to ask a question in class and your lecturer says he/she doesn’t understand your accent.

My friend will you get serious? Me sef don’t understand your own accent. Better adjust.
3. When that ignorant classmate asks if you have cars and houses in Africa.

Na me find trouble come your country.
4. When someone invites you to a house party and asks you to bring your own drinks.

I should bring my own drinks? What’s this one saying?
5. When you are invited for a birthday meal and the bill arrives and everyone is expected to pay for what they ‘consumed’.

Ehn? Is that how you people used to do here?
6. When you call your friends & relatives back home and they start asking you to buy their club jersey and send to them.

If to say I no call now, will you be asking all this?
7. When your girlfriend back home says she is losing patience and wants to start seeing someone else.

God please touch her heart.
8. When Masters comes to an end, no Oyibo wife, no accent, nothing but certificate to show.

Why me Lord? Those with small accent get two heads?
9. When the Masters programme ends and people start calling to ask when you are coming home.

10. When you return home and your mum or the cook still wants to dish out food with only one piece of meat to you.

Written by Zikoko Contributor ruud_bishop
Africa hasn’t really invested in science and it shows. Scientists tend to solve problems they know have wide applications in their environments. Because of that, many problems peculiar to Africa have remained unsolved for decades… But imagine if a scientist like Einstein was African, he might work on a whole different set of problems like…
1. An early warning system for when your mum is about to slap you

A way of calculating atmospheric pressure around your mum’s hands and letting you know when it changes so that you know to duck.
2. A ‘love’ potion for African parents

Because African parents will never willingly say I’m sorry OR I love you.
3. A body odour neutraliser

Since everyone has refused to wear deodorant in this heat, we’d have a substance that neutralizes the poisonous body odour from others. Billions of African noses will be saved!
4. A ‘Kini’ translator (mind reading device)

Your Nigerian mother is convinced that you understand what “Bring me my kini” means. Because as far as she is concerned, she gave birth to a mind reader. This device will decode all your mother’s mannerisms to save your African ass from a beating.
5. A Yoruba boy warning system

Since Yoruba boys don’t actually have to be Yoruba boys. You gats be prepared!
6. An African accent identifier

Actor in Hollywood movie speaking in generic African accent: “My name is Babatunde Johnson.” African accent identifier: “This is NOT a Nigerian accent, I repeat, this is NOT a Nigerian accent. Replace actor immediately. Suggestion – David Oyelowo.”
7. Self-cleaning weaves

Because… haba..
8. ‘Two heads’ to help you pass in school

Dad: “Jolade that came first, does she have two heads?” You: *Heads to Jumia.com to order an extra head ?*
9. Air conditioners that run on ‘I beta pass my neighbour’

Because this heat is demonic..
10. A 24-hour monitoring system for parents and girlfriends

Complete with a voice that says “remember the son of whom you are” everywhere you go.
11. An Oyinbo food Africanizer

For all those times you’re craving real pepper but you’re stuck with the 10th sandwich this week.
12. A makeup face printer

Instead of spending 1 hour to get a beat face, just use this machine to print your make up sharp sharp! Copy and paste.
13. Kenyan running gene transplant

Because Kenyans outrun everybody and other Africans will appreciate getting the Kenyan running gene transplant. Simple.
14. Petrol-to-your-door delivery service

Order online. Delivery within 24 hours depending on distance. Because somebody cannot come and die from queueing in this hot sun abeg!

15. Actual special effects for Nollywood action scenes

https://twitter.com/SemilooreAkoni/status/676863518419890176
Hay God! We can’t continue like this. Look at how they destroyed the Ghanian folktale, Anansi The Spider!?
16. An allergen that makes African presidents allergic to overstaying their term

Because African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death or allergy… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc
Now imagine a world where the next Einstein is African

Africa is transforming. Touch screen cardio pads that connect rural citizens to important care. Urine tests that detect malaria. Rapid diagnostic tests that detect Ebola. mPesa and other digital financial platforms that facilitate financial inclusion. Major solar energy projects in Morocco and Rwanda. The light rail in Ethiopia. The Square Kilometre Array, arguably set to be the world’s biggest telescope, in South Africa. Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation. We’re looking for 1 million signatures. Pledge your signature.
Remember Cabin biscuits?

They have one of the most iconic brand covers of all time. (And they’re so nice! I’m craving pako flakes all of a sudden)
Anyway, Twitter user @Monsiuer_T posted this tweet…

😊 pic.twitter.com/rRBB4vqC1C
— Obi of Funaland (@Monsiuer_T) February 26, 2016

Aren’t they so cute?

No seriously. Their smiles are just beautiful; I feel happier already!
Then someone came with this suggestion…

You people should be the new cover of cabin biscuits. https://t.co/btqmZ2AtaR
— Blessing 🖤 (@B0nB0n__) February 26, 2016

Huh?!
Well… when you think about it…

I mean they aren’t actually eating Cabin biscuits like the original cover but…
Then another Twitter user @Rookey2 did this…

@bonieluv @dentalgiorgio @Monsiuer_T COVER DONE!!! 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/XPKgohJTy7
— Rufai Keyede (@Rookey2) February 27, 2016

It actually looks quite nice!

Abi you don’t agree?
So what do you think? Classic Cabin or New Cabin?
[zkk_poll post=21059 poll=content_block_standard_format_7]
1. Abba T. Makama is mostly known as a filmmaker and founder of Osiris; a creative group that creates magical ideas for digital and traditional media.

But personally he considers himself an artist and prefers the label ‘creator’. Born and raised in Jos Plateau State. He went to Hillcrest School Jos and St. Joseph’s College before graduating from SUNY Fredonia N.Y. He also studied film at N.Y.U. Ventures Africa listed him as one of the 15 African creatives to watch for in 2016.
2. While growing up in Jos he attend Hillcrest school and was classmates with Tejumola Komolafe (NaijaBoyz).

They were both the best art students in their class and also best friends. Teju left Nigeria in the early 90’s. The two reconnected in 2006 via Myspace and discovered they both where on the path to becoming filmmakers.
3. His company Osiris has worked with numerous brands.

Directing commercials, digital marketing skits and documentaries for companies like Google, Blackberry, Gtbank Nigerian Breweries etc.
4. In 2010, he and friend/colleague Bolaji Kekere Ekun ( 37th State) created AMEBO at FOUR.

AMEBO at FOUR is a hilarious comedy NEWS skit.
5. In 2010 he wrote, produced and directed the comedy satire on the Nigerian film industry called Direc-toh.

Direc-toh screened at Eko International Film Festival 2010 and won Best Actor at InShort Film Festival 2010.
6. In 2012 he collaborated with fashion designer and close friend Niyi Okuboyejo, to create Party of Minister.

Party of Minister is a satire short film about corrupt African dictators. It screened at the 2016 Black Star Film Festival in Philadelphia. That same year he also directed a fashion film for acclaimed fashion designer Maki Oh.
7. In 2013 he released QUACKS a sequel to Party of Ministers.

Party of Minister and Quacks were selected for the first Iroko TV online short film festival.
8. In 2014 he was commissioned by Al Jazeera to direct a documentary on the Nigeria Film Industry.

It aired in July 2015 on Al Jazeera world and was well received by key figures in the industry.
9. In 2015 he released a comedy reality TV show, CITY BISHOP, about a journalist from the village of Isoko who explores Lagos city life.

Season 1 aired on SilverBird TV.
10. 2016 will be the release of his first feature length film ‘Green White Green’.

Green White Green is a comedy satire and coming of age story about 3 young boys from the 3 major ethnic group on an adventure to shoot a short film inspired by Nigeria’s history.
11. Abba Makama the painter.

His first solo art exhibition is on February 28^th2016 at the IAMSIGO showroom. Waking hallucinations and sleep paralysis are the inspiration behind the art show.
When I was born, the plan was to be a baby girl for life and literally too. First day I heard… “you suck breast too much, I can’t wait for you to grow up”.

But you see, life’s not fair, I started walking and people started throwing around words like “responsible”, “house chore” etc.

School started and everything was smooth until I got to senior secondary class.

Science class or art class or commercial class?

Decided science class and then my mother decided to tell mummy Biola that always has an opinion about everything. Mummy Biola went..

And then, “this girl that likes to talk a lot, she should be a lawyer”.

Meanwhile, I was like..

So time for JAMB, I studied the brochure.

I concluded on Medicine and Surgery. So first year in school, I was ready. New baffs, who this?

Year 1 was a breeze!

Year 2, Anatomy lecturer said “look beside you, that’s your competition”.

Big texts, human bones, people started calling me “D Doctorrrrrrr”, I started..

First test and our scores were pasted on the notice board, when I saw my score..

Year 2 to year 3 break, went home and dad introduced me as a doctor to his friends, I was like..

Year 3. Restrategized and was ready.

I wasn’t going to fail anymore because..

First professional exam.

Meanwhile, family and friends were very expectant.

Results were released and yay! I passed.

Time for wardcoat and actually dealing with real humans.

Things took a different turn. Each Consultant* had their rule.

When you resume in the morning, then you get to the clinic and there are no patients.

And the Consultant announces an impromptu wardround “to keep you busy”.

Consultant then asks “Whose patient is this?!” and you have not clerked.

But you signed for your clerking* partner in exchange for him to clerk your patient but he still didn’t clerk.

Consultant starts insulting you and your ancestors and a Registrar* now puts mouth.

After you finish chopping that insult from your Consultant.

Then, the person that was meant to clerk comes to say sorry to you.

When you get to the hospital early the following day to clerk the patient and are feeling quite confident..

You finish presenting and the Consultant asks if you’ve seen a stupid person before and you reply..

And then, he asks you when last you checked the mirror.

When you forgot to ask a question from your patient but you lied to your Consultant you did.

And the consultant now asks the patient to confirm if you really did.

And the patient answers “no”.

Then he asks the patient “have you seen this medical student before?” And the patient is hesitant.

Meanwhile your classmates are behind you like..

After wardround, they come to pay their condolences.

But you still believe tomorrow will be better.

Exam time and everybody is like..

You and your study partner sit in the exam hall like..

First question- which of these is not unlikely to be true?

“How was your paper?”

And that guy that always passes comes to tell you yet again that the paper was bad.

When you’re the first person to finish oral exams.

Then you start permutating your scores to see if you will have up to 50%.

And finally, you passed.

Then your finally have the time to go to those weddings your friends always invite you for.

But through everything, you’re still D Doctorrrrr

Written by Zikoko contributor, Adeola Adedeji. Featured image from Edu Africa Definitions: *Consultant – A specialist in a particular area and the most senior doctor in a clinical team. *Registrar – A senior doctor in the team studying to become a consultant. *Clerking – Interviewing a patient to determine what is wrong with them.
Everyone knows Olajumoke can take a great picture.

Serving face!?
But can she walk down a runway? Olajumoke shared this IG video a few days ago, showing her practicing her walk.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BB-6X8QLDN0/
Too cute!
She then made her runway debut at the Lagos Polo Club Fashion Show and completely slayed!!!

Jesus!
From the outfit, to the natural hair and simple makeup! This is the Olajumoke we love to see!

Just a month ago, she was hawking bread and making less than N1000 a day!
After the event, a proud Olajumoke shared this video of her walking the runway.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BCBkd7SrDEs/
Not bad for a first attempt!
What do you think about Olajumoke’s runway walk?
Head to polls.zikoko.com to vote!
CNN decided to write a WHOLE story on a Nigerian Dwarf Goat born in Boston, US.

He's the new kid on the block. Meet Chewbacca, a cuddly baby Nigerian dwarf goat. https://t.co/3EnzV52iVb pic.twitter.com/xF8K5UpuJv
— CNN (@CNN) February 19, 2016

The goat, called Chewbacca is American of Nigerian descent.
And some Nigerians are claiming that our Nigerian goats are cuter than puppies!

How can?! Are they not meant for making pepper soup??
So we want to know, do you think these goats are finer than puppies??
[zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_2] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_3]
Goat or puppy?
[zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_4] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_5] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_6] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_7] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_8] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_9] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_10] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_11] [zkk_poll post=19437 poll=content_block_standard_format_12]
It’s been just over 2 weeks since Olajumoke’s life has drastically changed for the better.

Stunning!
And the beautiful mother of two’s story has been everywhere.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBxcta6LDCI/

Raking in contracts and endorsements.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBzk9E6yvcs/?taken-by=stanbicibtc

And even becoming a motivational speaker…

From making that bread to getting that bread na! *$$$$*
And today National Identity Management Commission (NIMC) decided that we should all be like Olajumoke..

Olajumoke knows she needs the NIN. She walked into a NIN centre y'day unsolicited. Olajumoke is smart. Be like her. pic.twitter.com/zRtY3javhj
— NIMC (@nimc_ng) February 18, 2016

Heh!
And Nigerians are not having any of this at all!

Those of us that were smart and walked in 3 years ago nko?

@nimc_ng I was smart and walked into your centre 3yrs ago.Still card not ready.Why? Because I’m an ordinary citizen I suppose. #Spits
— clement afo (@Drclemzz) February 18, 2016
And the rest of us don’t deserve our picture taken?

????”@TosinOlugbenga: @nimc_ng Why didn’t you take picture with me when I came and put it online… Na wa for you o
— slim (@slimTee09) February 18, 2016
In fact, some Nigerians brought receipts!

@nimc_ng I enrolled since 2014, till now no temporary slip to check d card status and no permanent card. ??? pic.twitter.com/MjOFjwt1Fh
— AMoore (@ahmedaliu55) February 18, 2016
Some people enrolled since 2012!

@nimc_ng I enrolled for mine since 2012 but yet to get the permanent card.
— FADEYI OLAYINKA (@fadeyiolayinka) February 18, 2016
Even 2003!

Look at these bastards @nimc_ng tryna jump on the Olajumoke bandwagon for a cheap pop when my Pops hasn’t gotten ID he reg’d for in 2003
— K’obi (@Mhagayr) February 18, 2016
Some valid points were made.

@nimc_ng Pls respect ur work and allow us hear word e say be like her, if she came 2months ago u’ll not be saying and posting a pic
— hadiza potts (@hadizahm) February 18, 2016
And Nigerians accused NIMC of doing busy body work LOL!

@Mr_ThankGod @nimc_ng
Don’t mind them joor, busy bodies. Instead of doing their work, they are busy doing Olajumoke. Awon gbeborun. — Deji Teye (@mydeji247) February 18, 2016
And eye-service too.

@nimc_ng you people should stop this eye service and handover our permanent cards… since 2012… I hail una oo
— Ezeh lily (@Ogeh2011) February 18, 2016
This man has requested a centre in his area, so he too can walk in ‘unsolicited’ of course..

ypu have no center in my area to walk into unsolicited o. Fix that! @nimc_ng
— ♜’Seyifunmi♜ (@Im_a_MARVEL) February 18, 2016
People are getting fed up of companies using Olajumoke to promote EVERYTHING.

@fadeyiolayinka @nimc_ng
Olajumoke went to do biometric, dem dey announce. Very soon if She they go pooh-pooh-pooh, they’ll follow her. — Deji Teye (@mydeji247) February 18, 2016
As expected, NIMC denied all these allegations and said it’s ‘unusual’ to not receive your ID card on time..

@ahmedaliu55 That is unusual, pls send a DM with your full name, date of birth and phone number as entered when you enrolled.
— NIMC (@nimc_ng) February 18, 2016
But sha all we smell are lies..

And Nigerians do too.

@nimc_ng @ahmedaliu55 what’s unusual only those that knows someone there gets their permanent card ASAP.i’m still with temporary slip.
— Adesina olamide (@hollade_b) February 18, 2016

@nimc_ng Get serious. ..you are a national agency that has let people down…stop pandering and get proper work done
— Olufemi AWOYEMI (@OlufemiAwoyemi) February 18, 2016 GBAM!
We love Olajumoke and her story is touching and amazing but we can’t help but feel that some people are not as well-intentioned as they claim. We wish Olajumoke a bright future sha.
[zkk_poll post=19293 poll=content_block_standard_format_21]
1. When the hairdresser takes forever to start

Nobody has time to waste o.
2. Then she finally starts after keeping you waiting for a long time but you still know you’ll be spending the whole day

https://twitter.com/Vness0808/status/556166400029769730
It better be worth it.
3. When someone else comes to join her and they start pulling your hair in two different directions

What is this tug of war now?
4. And your hair hurts a lot and you have to hold back the tears

Because big girls don’t cry.
5. So you stylishly feel around and you realise you still have a long way to go.

https://twitter.com/breeze_ways/status/624024242934263808/photo/1
Is this even life?
6. Then when you finally think you have have two plaits left, she splits It into ten plaits

Winner RT @Cleotrapstar: “@_CRXXKLYN: When you think you have two plaits left to do and your hairdresser splits it into 104830028482 😊😊😊?
— Snarky Puppy (@DemiC_Goddess) April 4, 2015

What is this multiplication miracle now?
7. But you finally finish and remember that the hair has to be dipped in boiling water

Wahala.
8. Then you look in the mirror and see your amazing braids

Perhaps it was worth the struggle.
9. Then the tightness and soreness sets in

Fresh braids and tryna put ya hair up to take a shower… 😐😣
— Mikayla Sayle (@sincerelyMCS) August 27, 2015

Can’t even pack the hair up.
10. Then random people start to touch your hair

Talking about ‘it’s fine’, abeg.
11. And you have to keep telling people not to touch

Is it your hair?!
12. And your braids start to fall out

Already?
13. And then it’s time to take them out

Double wahala.
14. Then you start to miss them

Just took out my braids And now I miss them
— cdp (@__cdp) July 19, 2015

The irony.
This weekend my cousin invited me to her place for drinks. I anticipated nothing more than a night of heavy drinking (punctuated by an increasing number of slurred proclamations starting with the words “in life…”), followed by a morning of deep regret.
However, before I could get to my second drink and un-buckle my “drinking jeans”, the loud engine of a work-van parking in the guest-house garage brought my attention to the finest product of South Africa I’d ever laid my eyes on. My jaw dropped (but not my drink…never my drink) as I watched a man so gorgeous that his muddy jeans and rolled up sleeves looked like they’d accompanied him straight out of a 1970’s romance novel titled “[the afrikaans version of] The year Hans, the tractor-mechanic re-awakened my desires” (or something), walk out of the van.
His piercing eyes and confusingly arousing uni-brow shot sparks through my body and I immediately decided to seduce this man even if it meant my advances would have to be lubricated by the tears of my ancestors. And in true form I found a way to muddle up the whole thing. In fact, when in the heat of the moment my words act as my enemy. I know this because not too long after I opened my mouth all the young man’s attempts to put his mud-caked hands on my nubile thighs while he recounted tales that illustrated his very heroic non-racism (is that a white mating ritual?) came to a loud halt.
So for the black girls out there that are suffering from a particularly relentless bout of Dutch-fever, I present to you the 5 questions I said that ruined my first (and probably last) attempt to seduce an Afrikaner man.

1. “So you’re Afrikaner, right? Do your parents have a farm?”

To this I got a puzzled look that may have illustrated two things: my obvious ignorance and the fellow’s own obvious slow recovery from the concussion he told me got in his high school rugby days. Eventually he laughed “no.”
2. “Your drunk stories are so funny! What’s the weirdest thing you and your matric friends did when you were drunk? Did you guys ever get really drunk off klipdrift and do something crazy like steal a black village’s land?”

3. “You strike me as a family man…so tell me: if you had to choose between saving a black family and saving your favorite dog from a fire, what therapist would you take your dog to, to help it recover from the trauma of its near-death experience?”

4. “How many of your ancestors would vomit if you hooked up with me?”

5. “What’s Afrikaans for “I want to make love to you so passionately that every ancestor I’ve ever had places a 200-year-long curse on our mixed-race offspring?”

After the last statement the space between us grew exponentially throughout the evening so that by the end I was shouting drunken poetry at the wall of his house while he presumably slept off the last of any “jungle-fever” he had ever had. I suppose I’d better shove away any dreams I ever had of spending my life on a big farm and being perpetually mistaken for the maid by “well-meaning” relatives. Written by Zikoko contributor, Siyanda Writes
Olajumoke Orisaguna, widely known as the bread seller who crashed TY Bello’s shoot for British-Nigerian rapper Tinie Tempah, graced the cover of ThisDay Style yesterday (February 7th)!

Stunning! We shared the story with you last week and Olajumoke’s grass to grace story has touched so many Nigerians around the country.
Olajumoke’s shoot included an image of her gently cradling her beautiful 14 month old daughter in her arms.

Jumoke originally from Osun state, is a married mother of two, a 5 year old and 14 month old daughter (pictured above). Looking to make more money for her family, Jumoke left her older child and husband in Osun state and moved to Lagos. Little did she know her life was about to change for the better!
Ty Bello in a series of Instagram posts, shared Olajumoke’s miraculous story:

“Olajumoke a bread hawker from the Sabo market bakery, walked entirely by coincidence unto our set of our Thisday style shoot for @tiniegram The moment didn’t look special at all. If anything she stood there a little confused .. Some people asking her to leave the set and others asking her to stay . I signaled if it was OK to take her photograph and she agreed and I pressed on my shutter so she could move ahead . My main subject of interest was the Okada driver that had slowed down just before she arrived. Okada riders have that cool Lagos vibe and always happen to add a bit of swag to street portraits. I was wrong to have paid her such little attention. Every frame with her in it was perfect .. I had found a second subject in the Tinnie’s story .. A young beautiful hawker who could have served as a love interest of some sort. Digitally I made the red in her dress match @tiniegram sleeves to create a connection between them..”
“When the magazine came out last week and the images hit social media , I was proven right this girl split the limelight with the main subject effortlessly… questions and comments started to fly: Was she a model? How did we convince the model to balance all that bread on her head . The buzz about her multiplied when I clarified that she indeed wasn’t a model at all but simply stumbled on our set. I immediately begone my search for her. If so many felt she was beautiful enough to be a model.. Then maybe she was mean to be one. I was going to find a way to make it happen. I had assistants leave word with people in the area we shot her and to my delight the very next day, she showed up at my studio.
“Aso kan na ni mo wo kiri Lana…” Jumoke the ‘model’ the Internet had been searching for speaks almost no English”. But can read and write fluently in Yoruba.

“She explained how she had worn the exact outfit in our photograph the day before and someone showed her her own photograph on his phone from face book. A mallam led her to my studio that morning. She narrated her journey to Lagos… A hair stylist from Ire in Osun state but not making enough profit between she and her husband, a sliding door installer in from same village, to care for their two young children. At the invitation of a distant relative who knew someone operating a bakery, she relocated Lagos with her 14 month old daughter to give bread hawking a try, leaving her husband and older 5 year old behind . As I listened to her, I wandered if the beauty I had seen on my screen as I edited my image was a fluke… well, until she smiled… I realized that I was wrong… I had in fact underestimated the beauty of this 27 year old woman. As always, it was her eyes and of course her perfectly chiseled features that jumped out at you when she chuckled. This lady belonged in front of my camera. After a conversation with her husband telling him the story of our meeting, I decided I was going to photograph her that very afternoon… Within an hour, Bimpe Onakoya, one of Nigeria’s leading makeup artist and Zubby one of my favourite hairstylist were at my studio to work magic. They had both followed the story online and were more than happy to put in their very best for her…”
“…‘Ka ma kiri Buredi ko suwon ‘ she explained that bread hawking wasn’t the most profitable business but put enough food on her table . It also put a roof over a head .. Howbeit a roof she shared with scores of other hawkers . She was a trained hairdresser back in Osun state but her family could not afford the necessarily ‘freedom ‘ ceremony ; a passing out ritual that gives a trainee a sometimes unwritten permission to start a full fledged salon . We all decided that the make over would be incomplete if it ended at the studio . Every one started to reach out to their contacts and through Bimpe we were able to get her a meeting with Ugo the pioneer of Make-me salon . As a result of the buzz she generated from the Thisday cover Our model is now close to starting an internship at @makemesalon and has been offered a additional internship with @sarisignature a famous Lebanese owned salon on the island island . To pay Jumoke her model fee from her first job in front of the camera we called @_ujumarshall one of Nigeria’s And matched her fees .She’s been offered a modelling contract with the help of @godsonukaegbu from a @fewmodels .She’s also had @payporte reach out to her to be model on their next billboard campaign .”
“Just this morning, a mentor of mine offered to foot the bill for her accommodation, education as well as her child’s .. This finally makes it possible to be finally reunited with her husband and older child.”

“..I’ve asked my self over and again why all of this is happening . One thing is clear .. This woman here is no charity case .. We met her in the middle of her hustle … The woman works hard.. Seven days a week .. With a family to support .. But with dignity ..who pays that much attention to how she looks as she’s about to hawk bread … ?Arranging the bread so delicately like it was worth much more .. Making sure she left the bakery while it was steamy and hot … Every body likes their bread hot . .. All of this even when it’s clear that her profit in a day is between N300-500 . This is the story of so many Nigerians .. The young house selling gala in traffic… The woman braiding hair under the bridge .. Nigerians work hard and we go it with style … This has taught us and I hope everyone reading to pay a little attention ., to those clearly working hard around us .. You may have your own wahala to deal with .. But nothing gives you a bigger break from your troubles than just making life easier for someone else .. Give an orange seller a N1000 note and she may be able to take the next day off to attend to herself and her children..”
“Jumoke is sorted … I personally believe so with all the doors opening up for her but This story is more about the ‘jumokes’around you . Who put in all the work but just need a little push .You may not be able to help every one but as I learnt from someone I really respect … In your own unique way …. Do for the ONE what you would have liked to do for ALL. Jumoke ooo.. Wants to be a hairstylists but secretly nurses a fantasy to act in a Yoruba film one day .. I know she’ll be a nollywood hit .. She did great in front of my camera and understood how to work the tiniest emotional nuances .She may not speak much English but can read and write in Yoruba.” – TY Bello
Such a beautiful story to remind us all to be kind and supportive to every person we meet! Because just a little help can go a very long way and make a difference in someone’s life.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BBfcMXrkbPy/?taken-by=tybello

Meanwhile, because Nigerians find humour in everything, someone created this.

Your own will come too oh!! *Goes to buy agege bread and tray* Featured image via TY Bello.
On Saturday Beyoncé dropped a new video/song called Formation and literally slayed everyone’s life!!

Beyon-SLAY!
Beyoncé made a massive social and political statement and only featured black people in the video.

Because #BlackLivesMatter, obvs!
But what we really love is the diversity of black women and black hairstyles shown in the video! Here are a few that you should definitely try:

1. The grown woman ‘fro

Beyoncé’s dancers rocked these curly afro wigs so effortlessly! No need to go natural if you don’t want to. Just buy your own curly ‘fro and twirl on them haters.
2. The adorable baby ‘fro

Hay God! Even 4 year old Blue Ivy is slaying with her afro! As Beyonce said in the song .. “I like my baby hair with baby hair and afros”.
3. The thread hairstyle

One of Beyonce’s main dancers gave props to this common African hairstyle. Lagos hipsters, this one’s for you!
4. The crown braid

Just in case you somehow forgot that she is the QUEEN.
5. The double-sided ponytail braid A.K.A cornrows

We dare you not to slay with this hairstyle! Impossible.
6. The micro braids

So. Damn. Beautiful.
7. The messy updo

A.K.A The ‘I woke up like this’ hairstyle. If you have natural curly hair, just shake it a little and go on with your life.
8. The blow out

If you have big natural hair or even a weave, you can rock this hairstyle. All you need is a blow dryer, water and conditioner.
9. The tight bun

Only Beyoncé can make a hair net have so much swag.
Watch the full video for Formation below and go forth and slay with these hairstyles:

Because you just might be a black Bill Gates in the making! ? ?
Are you always wondering “What the hell is this ‘I Was In My House And Trailer Came To Jam Me’ thing everyone is always talking about?!”

We introduced this hilarious hashtag to you sometime ago.
#IWasInMyHouseAndTrailerCameToJamMe is a Twitter series and comes in episodes. How does it work? Somebody sits innocently in their house and makes a comment or puts up a tweet, and someone comes from nowhere (a trailer) to jam this person. Got it? Ok here are 10 hilarious tweets put together by @TrailerJamShow
1. Kylie Jenner tweeted this in 2013. Did she predict the future?

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

2. This girl’s ex-boyfriend put her on blast on Twitter!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

3. Kanye’s fans weren’t going to let this insult go unpunished.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

4. Not every time jam, sometimes put someone in his place.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

5. The complete guide to obtaining a sugar daddy. LMAO!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

6. This trailer came armed with missiles ready to fire!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

7. This trailer attack on someone’s IQ level.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

8. Some people are going to school, others are using Twitter as textbook. Smh!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

9. This well-deserved trailer jam. Nobody talks badly about the first lady of slay!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

10. This trailer of pain and pettiness!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

LOOOOL!
If you have a Facebook or Twitter account, you may have seen a brilliant meme that has been going around the internet over the past few days. Now we have created a version specifically for Nigerians!

Meet Femi. Femi is the perfect human being. Here are 7 reason you should be like Femi:

1. Femi is not a Yoruba Demon

2. Femi lives the FitFam life

3. Femi does not share his whole life on Facebook

4. Femi is not a trailer that jams people unnecessarily on Twitter

5. Femi supports her friends on social media. Femi is not a hater

6. Femi isn’t selfish. Femi knows how to filter selfies on Instagram

7. Femi knows how to play Candy Crush like a grown up

We know you want to be like Femi. Head to http://zikoko.com/be-like/ Add your name, gender and country of origin. Go forth and share your results!
Yesterday, Rihanna posted a picture on her Twitter apparently listening to her eagerly-awaited album ANTI.

listening to ANTI 🎈 pic.twitter.com/AgqlhU0GEz
— Rihanna (@rihanna) January 25, 2016

We promise we’re not throwing shade but Rihanna looks like she has questions…

1. Why doesn’t Rihanna look impressed? Did the album not tap?

2. Is she asking herself if she should have asked Adele to feature on one track?

3. Or maybe she’s asking herself if she was truly invited to Toolz’s wedding.

4. Perhaps she’s asking herself if she can get into the headphone business and clean out like Dr Dre.

5. Maybe, just maybe, she’s asking herself how her Nigerian fans will afford her album at N300 to the Dollar.

6. Could Donald Trump actually become the President of America?”. If so, will she be deported?

7. Or could she be wondering if Arsene Wenger will EVER buy a striker?

8. It’s possible she’s wondering if Lil’ Kesh should actually have won the Next Rated award at the Headies.

9. Or could it be that she’s wondering if she got some of Dasuki’s money by mistake?

Whatever it is sha, we’re eagerly awaiting this album. Hopefully, it’s amazing.

So what do you think Rihanna is asking herself in this picture?
Love them or hate them, the Kardashians are some of the most popular women in the world. Can we guess which Kardashian sister you are?
1. All the parties have caught up with you and now you are half dead

2. Financially you are destroyed

3. Like your situation isn’t dire enough, everyone is doing “New Year new me” so the prices of everything in all the stores have gone up

4. Yet everyone still expects you to “do New Year” for them

5. You this morning, realising you have to go back to the office

6. And you see your office nemesis still has not resigned even though you begged God to do it for you as a new years gift

7. Your boss is still alive

8. Traffic has come back with a vengeance

9. But at least the IJGB’s have carried their wahala and gone

10. Then you realise you still have no significant other and valentines day is around corner

Written by Zikoko contributor @Jollz
So you and your ex have been broken up for a while.

And after crying almost everyday for months.

Listening to all the heartbreak songs on your laptop.

Attending all the anointing services and prayer meetings.

Waiting in the hope that they would come to their senses.

Finding yourself being admitted into the hospital because they did not come back oh!

You are finally happy!

Your friends have even gassed you to make a move on your new crush.

But that didn’t work out too well.

Only for you to get one useless voicemail.. “Hey babe. I miss you”.

Me?

You remember the love and want that old thing back.

Then you remember the break up and how you suffered.

How your enemies were laughing at you.

So you delete & block their number.

Goodbye forever! Because..

NO. MORE. POOP. IN 2016. Written by Zikoko Contributor, @jollz
Nigeria is beautiful! Yes, we said it!

Although we often complain about the bad roads, litter and often unorganised environment in our Nigerian cities/towns, there are times when we do have to give credit to Nigeria for it’s beauty and this is one of them!

1. This breathtaking shot of Obudu mountains in Cross River

My God!

2. The aerial view of Bonny Island

So much green! So much space!

3. The forever beautiful Jos

Always? Beautiful?

4. River Niger bridge in Onitsha

Potentially the perfect shot in a Nollywood movie! Not every time big mansion with white pillars in Lekki oh.

5. The perfect postcard image from Kano

Northern Nigeria on fleek!

6. Another perfect image of Kano

Can we just move to Kano?

7. This traffic-free image of Ibadan is beautiful just for that reason

This could be Lagos… but only on public holidays.

8. This peaceful and well-built road in Enugu

Lagos why u no be like this?

9. The aerial view from this roundabout in Benin city

Just look at it!?

10. This picturesque roundabout in Abia

It seems Nigerians have perfected the art of building roundabouts.

Have you got any beautiful images of your Nigerian town or city? Share with us!

All images from Nairaland Featured image from jujufilms
1. Gbese – Lil Kesh

You can’t be still after hearing ‘skiborobo skibo oshey baddest’.
2. Reggae Blues -Harrysong ft. Olamide, Kcee, Iyanya & Orezi

The song with the golden line “even your boo get a boo.”
3. Shakiti Bobo – Olamide

Eyin Omo Wobe!
4. Indomie -Masterkraft ft CDQ and Olamide

This jam will have you curling into impossible positions.
5. Lagos Boys- Olamide

Everything Sneh!
6. Duro – Tekno

The grooviest love song of of the year.

7. My woman, My everything- Patoranking ft. Wande Coal

My woman, My Everything! Two wise men.
8. Efejoku – Lil Kesh ft. Viktoh

This is another club banger from Lil Kesh.
9. The Sound – Davido ft. Uhuru and DJ Buckz

This song is a huge jam, the best song to do crazy moves to.

10. Godwin – Korede Bello

Everything na Godwin!
What other songs rocked 2015 for you ?
You can almost always spot a Nigerian anywhere. There’s just something special that makes us stand out. Here’s a list of all the signs that show that Nigerians are on a plane.
There’s usually no space for hand luggage because everyone else has like 10 carry on bags

And you might see some people taking pictures in the first class compartment then going to seat in coach

And there’s a queue 5 hours before the plane is scheduled for departure

And you can hear people shouting and trying to let everyone know they’re VIPs

And you can see huge ‘Ghana must go’ bags everywhere

And there’s a lot of noise and babies crying

https://twitter.com/TheBlackHermit/status/678484268486651904

There’s always that one person who holds a fervent prayer session before the plane takes off

And the one who screams ‘Blood of Jesus’ when there’s slight turbulence

And everyone claps when the plane finally lands

https://twitter.com/swavvy_T/status/630120857948528640

What other things happen on a plane filled with Nigerians?
1. Where is my Christmas gift?

Be generous!
2. Do Christmas for us now?

Share some love abeg.
3. Won’t you give us Christmas money?

Because everyone knows Christmas is just an excuse to spend the money you saved all year.
4. Compliments of the season!

This is the most heartfelt wish you’ll get.
5. We’re coming to eat rice and chicken o!

What’s Christmas without jollof rice and chicken?
6. Where are the Christmas chickens?

There better be chickens.
7. Christmas service was so interesting!

Everyone knows church is most lit on christmas day.
8. We’re spending Christmas in the village o!

Because there’s nothing better than Christmas in in the village.
9. Where’s my Christmas hamper?

Better bring the goodies.
10. How are we doing Christmas?

Excuse you? [zkk_poll post=13700 poll=content_block_standard_format_10]
It’s the festive season again and as you should know by now, it’s one of the surest times to lose your beloved gadgets if you’re not careful. I’ve then noticed that when Nigerians lose their phones, there’s an almost predictable set of events that must happen. Don’t agree? Check below.
1. Let’s say you’re with your friends (or fellow Yoruba demons) just chilling and having fun.

Or discussing how to break the next heart.
2. Then one of your guys asks..

Abeg gimme 1 minute for your phone.
3. And that’s when trouble starts and you suddenly notice you’re not with your phone. So you ask around and then they all tell you they’re not with it and you’re like…

Ah! Rough play.
4. So you collect one person’s phone to call your phone maybe you’ll hear it ring…

Ring. Please. Ring. God oh!
5. And all your guys are looking at you like…

Hafa e dey ring?
6. But by then the thief has already switched it off and is en route computer village like…

7. It’s now switched off. By this time panic is slowly setting in but you don’t want to think of the obvious so you and your squad search all around for it like…

Una don see am?
8. The optimist in you wants to assume the phone is probably dead but the devil comes at you in your mind like…

Oga was the phone not on 98% 30 mins ago? How can it be dead? Ehn??
9. This is when the foolish questions start pouring from your friends. Even though in your mind you plan to react like this…

“Where did you put it?”, “Did you see anybody take it?”, “How much credit was in it?” and so on. Una dey mad? How would I have seen somebody take it?
10. But you dunno when you just break down like…

I no know oo. My iPhone 6!!
11. Then you try to retrace your steps and see if you can remember where you dropped it. You also check your pocket for the 10th time just in case you didn’t notice it the last 9 times…

But e no dey my pocket na, where e con dey? ?
12. You suddenly develop trust issues and ask your friends repeatedly if they’re trying to play a prank on you by hiding your phone but they’re like…

E no dey my hand na seriously. Check am.
13. That’s when the hope in you starts fading like make-up on a girl’s face after a swimming date and then you begin to cry to the Lord…

Ah God! Why me? After all my tithes and offerings. Please you must show yourself strong in my life oo.
14. After about 6 hours and still no luck, you’ve finally accepted the reality and brace yourself to tell your parents. You start with mumsy of course and she’s just looking at you explain throughout like…

15. You also ask her not to tell daddy but as an African woman with good home training she hurries to snitch to the man and he’s like…

Ehn?! Phone that we just bought for him last month? Call him here.
16. And he gives you the tongue-lashing of destiny that makes you wonder if Jesus really took away your shame on the cross…

Chai! My life *cries in iPhone 6 money*
17. Few days later you start rocking your Nokia torchlight phone until money for another phone shows.

Because nothing can switch off the light that’s in you ✌ The end. Written by Zikoko contributor Sagachristos
1. Lame pick up lines

https://twitter.com/s_yewande/status/674295911758045184

2. The uncool pose

This "Kool Kid" picture pose where y'all act like someone farted right into your face 😕 #ThingsToBeLeftIn2015 pic.twitter.com/QfNmKmL7CW
— Hillzy (@hillzy911) November 17, 2015

3. People who think think they’re funny because they can switch accents and and do imitations

https://twitter.com/ConorOnline/status/675019923018641409

4. Reading extra meaning into ordinary things

https://twitter.com/Buz_White/status/672843247895642112

5. Your debtors

Money that I owe you #ThingsToBeLeftIn2015
— Miss Me 👑 (@ms_komani) December 2, 2015

6. The same old fake resolutions that never last

#ThingsToBeLeftIn2015 That "New Year New Me" crap!!! pic.twitter.com/8tEp5phxv5
— s. (@Sithelosenkosi) November 21, 2015

7. Eyebrows that aren’t on fleek

Drawn Eyebrows, asseblief! #ThingsToBeLeftIn2015 pic.twitter.com/Qp2Q60FtPO
— big batty gyal 🇵🇸 🇨🇩 🇸🇩 🇭🇹 (@jujuontheebeet) November 18, 2015

8. Phones with cracked screens

https://twitter.com/KetuBoi/status/666569031885987840

9. Nollywood movies with terrible plots

10. Asking for follow backs

https://twitter.com/KenzoLM_/status/666264948062949377

11. What other things do you think should be left in 2015?
Travel is one of the only things we spend money on which makes us richer.
Africa is beautiful, despite the many news reports and stories that would have us believe otherwise. Many countries in Africa are making the most of their natural resources, building a wonderful tourism sector. Here are some beautiful pictures from Zanzibar, Tanzania, in East Africa, that should make you want to see the real thing for yourself. Trust us, the pictures do it no justice.
1. Overlooking the beautiful Indian Ocean from Chumbe Island.

2. Leaving Chumbe Island at high tide.

3. No big deal, just taking a seaside stroll on the beach in Zanzibar.

4. The view from a seaside room at the Dongwe Beach resort in Zanzibar. Who wouldn’t want to wake up to this?

5. Watching the sun set from the Michamvi Pingwe beach after a sunset cruise.

6. The Rock restaurant in Michamvi – Literally a restaurant built on ocean rock. You walk through the water at low tide, then take a boat back to shore during high tide.

7. Dining on the most amazing seafood at The Rock restaurant, Zanzibar. Come chop!

All images taken by Lamide Akintobi.
Lamide Akintobi is an award-winning freelance journalist, documentary maker and TV personality with a passion for storytelling, travel, adventure and more than a little wanderlust in her soul, which is why she started recording and editing her travels around the world. She currently hosts “The Spot” on Ebonylife TV and spends lots of time plotting world domination and daydreaming about more epic travel adventures.
Check out this video on her trip to Zanzibar from her ‘Travel With Me’ series:

To find out more about Lamide and her ‘Travel With Me’ series check out her YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/lamideakintobi, her website at www.LamideLive.com, and follow her on Twitter, on Instagram and on snapchat (@LamideLive).