1. They won’t have the sex talk with you, but will expect you to be a virgin when you marry.

Is it magic?

2. They say “well done” when they see you doing nonsense.

See how you don’t have sense.

3. They praise you in front of their friends, but insult you at home.

Na wa oh.

4. They say one thing with their mouth and the total opposite with their eyes.

I’m just confused.

5. They take you to their best friend’s house, then vex when you accept food.

Your own friend again?

6. They see you dodging a slap as a call to war.

“You want to kill me, abi?”

7. They don’t care about you passing in school, they care about you passing everyone else.

“Who came first?” “Do they have 2 heads?”

8. They’ll beat you and then vex when you start crying.

“I don’t want to see your crocodile tears.”

9. They don’t feel guilty when they “help you keep” your money and never return it.

It’s their own now.

10. Turning 21 doesn’t make you an adult to them, you have to bring a spouse first.

Better go and marry.

11. They don’t care that you’re now an “adult” they will still slap you when you do anyhow.

Life-changing slaps.

12. They don’t apologize, this is the closest you’ll get:

“Oya, stop crying.”

13. They love you, but you’ll probably never hear them say it.

They show it more than they say it.

14. They only know Medicine, Law, and Engineering when it’s time for you to fill JAMB form.

Anything else and you want to “spoil your life.”

15. They really really LOVE shouting.

Every small thing, shout and then shout some more. So, did we miss anything?