1. Him, whenever you try to talk about your relationship in public:

“What is understood does not need to be said.”

2. When you try to take a picture of him for social media:

“Put that camera away my friend!”

3. He insists you arrive at and leave events, separately.

Even now that petrol is 145? Ahn ahn!

4. He has several phones.

Does he sell phones? If no, then reassess the situation.

5. All the phones have vault level codes.

When it’s not like there are national security secrets stored on the phone.

6. When you finally meet his mum she asks “ah okay which one is this one?”

HAYYYYYY so I am one of many?

7. His weekday evenings are busy – but you’re not involved.

Everyday busy! busy! busy!

8. His weekends are also busy – but you’re not involved.

What is he doing oh?

9. When you ask him to introduce you to his female “friends”:

Why so  confused sir?

10. When you start talking about a “future” involving him:

I don’t get. I’m not joking sir!

11. When you try and find out about his past:

Ahn ahn! What are you hiding?

12. His friends call you “iyawo wa”

That usually means they are trying to cover up for him. Sorry!