Imagine this: You’ve been a member of the “small yansh dey shake” WhatsApp group for as long as you’ve been alive, but you want to see what life with bigger butt cheeks feels like.
There’s only one problem: You’re scared a Brazillian Butt Lift (BBL) would take you off the heavenly race. Take a page from YouTuber, Sophia “Sophiology” Idahosa’s book and try “The Christian BBL”.
Fast and pray first
You want to touch the temple of God without seeking approval from the maker himself? Don’t be silly, dear. There’s no way God won’t be pleased with your plans if you go on 100 days of fasting and prayer as a sign of respect. It’d even reduce the fat in your body so your brand-new bumbum doesn’t look too fake. Win-win.
Make sure the surgeon is God-fearing
If “We treat, but God heals” isn’t their hospital’s motto, you should already know they serve Satan. Carry your small yansh away and go look for a hospital where they do three-hour morning devotions every day.
Sprinkle anointing oil and holy water everywhere
In the surgical theatre, on your hospital bed, on the surgical instruments, even on the doctors and nurses. Everything has to be consecrated for holy use.
Use the healing time to become even more prayerful
After the surgery, you won’t be able to sit on your butt for a while. So just use the opportunity to lie flat on your stomach and draw closer to your Father. He’ll be thrilled to hear you pray every second, believe us.
Dedicate your new body to God
Slaying with your new body takes on a new meaning when you think of it as slaying people for the kingdom. Anyone who looks at you will marvel at God’s creation and praise His holy name for His good work through his servant, the surgeon. As long as you bring more souls to the kingdom, what could go wrong?
Don’t forget to testify
Do you know how many people die on the BBL surgery table or get botched shapes? Be sure to do a whole vlog on social media thanking God for a successful procedure. Use the opportunity to tell people not to copy you just because you look good — that’d just be carnal. They should thank God for you and make sure to hear from God before doing same.
Claim your new identity as a “holy baddie”
Of course, all this isn’t complete without updating your social media bio with “A baddie for God” so everyone knows not to judge you. If they do, they’re really just judging your Father in heaven, and no one wants to see God’s wrath.
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