We compiled all the ways to know if there’s trouble in paradise using these firsthand accounts and what you can do about it. Know this now and save yourself.

A strange feeling

Most of the missing genital “victims” have described what they felt as “something leaving their body.”

That sounds crazy, but it’s relatable — the next time you feel like GTB or Zenith Bank are removing money from your account, check on your penis.

Genital becomes stiff

According to one of the accusers in Abuja, the first thing one notices when the penis particularly is about to go missing is that it becomes stiff. 

This might be hard to notice for the apparent reasons, so let’s just move to the next point.

Private bonfire

A woman claimed she felt a fire burning in her vagina for a long while and her body started sweating.

Please, note down o. May arson not happen to our genitals.

It plays hide-and-seek

People who’ve laid complaints about their missing private organs have generally claimed their penises were “going inside,” a.k.a. reducing.

I haven’t seen an evidence video, but who am I to dismiss others’ experiences?

Go and wee-wee

The moment you start feeling or note that your genitals have disappeared — before you shout and call everybody — rush to the toilet or find a closeted place to pee. Confirm for urine. If nothing, it might be a false alarm. Or not.

Keep hands in pockets

Maybe, just maybe if one walks around with the two hands in the pockets and stylishly clutching to one’s private organ, it won’t prise away without notice.