“How was your night?” is not a greeting. If you don’t want to listen to how I slept in a pool of my own sweat because there was no light, please don’t ask.

1. “Why?! What did you hear?! Tell me what you know!”

I’m curious too!

2. “Terrible, I had a nightmare that you would ask me this question.”

And apparently dreams do come true.

3. “I don’t know. I slept off as soon as it started.”

What else you wanna know?

4. “Quite nice. Spectacular. I’ll rate it 5/5. Will definitely try again.”

We good?

5. “I closed my eyes, opened them and it was over!”

And I’m still mad.

6. “I thought it was amazing till you asked me about it.”

7. “Well, I tried to kill myself about 5 mins back, thinking about you asking me this question, but I didn’t succeed and here we are.”

Excuse me while I try again.

8. “Would you really like to know, or are you just being polite?”

Because I have a story to tell.

9. “Of all the nights I’ve been asleep, it was definitely one of them.”

Wait, why aren’t you laughing?!

10. “Wow, how disappointing was that question. I’m alive, obviously, if that’s what you’re asking.”

You know, since I’m talking to you and all.

11. “Assume whatever you want.”

For real.

12. “It’s hard to say now that I’m awake.”

Don’t care.

13. “Extremely, dangerously average.”

How was yours?

14. “Same as always. I thought about doing something different but I’m kind of set in my ways.”

What can I say?

15. “I didn’t get enough sleep to answer this question.”