This has to be one of the top 10 worst things that could ever happen to a person. Imagine you’re on a bus and you touch your pockets/check your bag and realise that you left your wallet/purse sitting on the dining table. Now the conductor is collecting money line by line and he’s almost at your row. You have to think fast. What do you do?

1. Faint

This method is tried and trusted by many, particularly the Nigerian government. Think Dino Melaye and Pondei. Easy cop-out. The conductor can’t ask you for money if you faint. 10/10 will recommend.

2. Start crying

Also a favourite of Nigerians. It is helpful if you start screaming before crying. When people ask you what’s wrong, just cry harder. The conductor will then let you go. Works every time. 9/10.

3. Pretend like you’re praying

Close your eyes. Mumble random words under your breath. Nigerians are very religious so they won’t disturb you. Keep praying and hope the conductor forgets. I rate this one 7/10.

4. Start preaching

This is a Nigerian favourite. Once you discover that you don’t have money on you, clear your throat and say “My brothers and sisters, let’s bow our heads in prayer.” Even the conductor might close his eyes. Let’s hope the driver doesn’t. Rated 8/10.

5. Pretend you have amnesia

First of all, shout “Where am I?” This should be enough to draw attention. Pretend like you don’t know how you got there. The conductor will drop you and you’re home free. Pray that they don’t take you to a mental hospital. Rated 4/10.

This one isn’t bad either: 7 Reasons Why You Should Fear Igbo Women.