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1. When Abuja cabbies squeeze you inside their small cars with 100 other passengers.
2. When you’re trying to impress a Mallam with your Hausa skills so he can sell well for you, but he knows you’re a fraud.
3. When Abuja girls have iPhone models that have not even been released yet.
4. When you finally get a taste of Yahuza Suya.
5. When you see fine Hausa boys coming and you spot one minister’s son.
6. When they ‘forget’ to collect your number, so you have to go and give them like:
7. Silverbird Mall on Sallah Day.
8. When you’re house hunting and you hear the price of a 1 bedroom apartment in Games Village.
9. When you see small small boys using their fathers’ cars to race.
10. When Abuja sun comes out to say hi.
11. When Abuja cabs are feeling smart calling 1K from Wuse to Berger.
12. When you finish eating in Blu Cabana and you see the price list.
13. How Abuja people look at you when it’s raining and you’re unfortunate enough to be ‘carless’.
14. How you sleep in Abuja knowing you won’t experience Lagos traffic.
15. When you visit one of your friend’s house in Minister’s Hill and you forget which entrance you kept your slippers.
16. When you’re driving your Camry Pencil and one small boy with AMG Coupe thinks he can overtake you.
17. When someone says you should come and hang in their house in Bwari.
