1. When you mother forces you to talk to her on the phone.
2. “Don’t you remember me? I saw you last when you were a baby.”
3. When you’re not sure if she is your actual aunty or just a random adult.
4. Whenever you had to give her that Oscar-worthy fake smile.
5. When she sees you outside with someone of the opposite sex.
6. When she comments on your weight before asking how you are.
7. When she sees you at a wedding and asks you “when is your own?”
8. When she sends you a friend request on Facebook.
9. When she comes to visit and you know it’s going to be Africa Magic all day every day.
Please, come and be going.
10. When your parents are shouting at you and she joins mouth.
11. When she complains about your upbringing but you know your cousin is a yahoo boy.
12. How they turn up for Owambes:
13. When they drag you the dance-floor at an Owambe.
14. When she carries it on her head that you don’t speak your native language enough.
15. Whenever she drops “just manage” money before leaving.
