In Nigeria, the wedding ceremony is now as big (bigger in some cases) a deal as the marriage itself. For some reason, the pressure to impress has suddenly intensified, and those flawless BellaNaija weddings are not helping. So, if you want to throw a ‘I better pass my neighbor’ Nigerian wedding, here are the things you need to know:
1. Mother
Before you start thinking your wedding is about you, turn to your mother. Have you seen her? Good. Now ask her what her plans for the wedding are.
Your graduation and wedding are your mother's days. It's got little to do with you. Accept it and know peace
— Ugonna (@UgonnaLaCadena) July 26, 2015
Have you gotten her demands? Good. Now turn to your pastor and ask him what his plans for the wedding are.
https://twitter.com/Sohlano/status/196536069930491904
Have you made sure he is happy? Good. Now you can actually start planning your Nigerian wedding.
2. Friendships
You’ve heard that your wedding is not about you, abi? Well, it is even less about your friends. So when you’re picking your groomsmen and your bridal train, you really have to shove sentiments aside for the sake of aesthetics.
A co-worker just asked me to be his groomsman because his wife-to-be doesn't think his actual friends are photogenic enough.
— Daniel Orubo (@NerdEfiko) April 13, 2015
If your best friend isn’t the appropriate height or skin tone for your BellaNaija photo shoot, you might have to settle for an acquaintance.
https://twitter.com/TheBlackHermit/status/590606007002345473
You can make it up to them by putting them on the high table.
3. Food
Your Nigerian wedding is not the time to experiment with food. You can try all you learnt from the Food Network on your birthday or anniversary.
What's this new wretched thing of people serving unripe plantain porridge at occasions? Please if you don't want us to come, just say.
— perfume shazam! (@Cohannnnn) August 27, 2015
Your guests are there for Jollof rice.
A wedding/party with no jollof is no party at all, we take being served jollof rice at occasions very serious here in Nigeria!
— Maryam Muktar ™️ (@MaRyAm_MuKtAr) August 22, 2015
Small chops.
https://twitter.com/ItsBollyLomo/status/637572655722442752
…and alcohol.
https://twitter.com/Oyolimma/status/376220782034427904
Do not let them down.
4. Aso-Ebi
This is the entrepreneurial part of your Nigerian Wedding; you have to buy Aso-ebi and then sell it to your guests at an inflated price you deem fit.
https://twitter.com/Dotbabe/status/419856375561605121
Yes it is, no vex.
This serves two purposes. First one is crowd control.
LMAO Just tell me you don't want me to come to your wedding.
300K for Aso ebi? Haba Mallam. Haba 😒😒😒
— Squiggly line (@TheGreyGenesis) September 9, 2014
No Aso-ebi, no entry.
The second one is for your honeymoon costs.
Nigerians are funny sha. Aso-Ebi 70k. You should have just told me to help contribute for ya honeymoon. mschewww! na me send una?
— FOLA FOLAYAN (@TheFavoredWoman) July 7, 2015
Five star hotels in Dubai are not cheap, please.
5. Time
See, Nigerians love God, but no one is coming to your wedding to give their life to Christ.
Had to withstand a pretty long sermon today at a trad wedding.
Felt like a church service.. What was missing was offering— Khunlay (@Tha_SlimDaddy) January 31, 2015
The church service should be straight to the point.
On my wedding day,i will tell d pastor to make the service as short as possible. Dont turn a wedding to another church service.
— Bolof (@bolof2000) December 8, 2012
In fact, don’t expect people to come for that, they’ll be waiting for you at the reception venue.
When invited to a wedding, it's rude to not attend the church service but you pop up at the reception just because there's food.
— Nomalungelo Mseleku (@nomaryts) July 16, 2015
Yes it is, but expect people to do it anyway.
6. Venue
Don’t stress anybody with your beach wedding fantasies. Just keep it to yourself.
Ki ni Beash? RT @H_L_MA: Lmao my cousin wants to have a small wedding on a beach. But her mama na Yoruba woman so ko possible.
— T. (@tunjiframes) November 23, 2013
Well, it’s not like your mother will even agree sef.
https://twitter.com/Yinka_yeenka/status/238927896046092288
Just go and rent a big hall, pay an expensive decorator, play loud music and let everybody (except you, of course) be happy.
7. Budget
You have a budget right? Yeah, now tear it up. There is no such thing. Your account balance is your budget.
The depth of your pocket “@SheriphSkills: So what's the standard budget for a Nigerian wedding?”
— . (@MgbekeFF) March 4, 2014
For every guest, just have 2 extra plates ready.
Before? It's our right. RT @NomskyN: Nigerians will crash your wedding and still be asking for extra plate. Smh
— May. (@movivant) December 21, 2013
Nigerians will not RSVP, but they will come with their neighbor, their gateman, and a stranger they just picked up off the street.
https://twitter.com/BeingMissCocoa/status/571844542330097664
So, be prepared.
I’m sure you don’t need us to tell you that the makeup and wedding outfits need to slay. Just go to @BellaNaijaWeddings for inspiration.
Now go forth and plan your Nigerian wedding.
