It’s Valentine’s season and everyone is either waiting to receive a gift or making plans to get someone else one. Before you make any more plans, here’s a list of gifts Nigerian women are tired of receiving.
1. Flowers
Especially when it’s just flowers and not accompanied by anything else, like chocolates or an all expense paid trip to another country so I can disappear when we get there and never return to Nigeria. Just flowers? What are we supposed to do with that? Cook soup?
2. Sex
We have sex every other day.Why is Valentine’s Day own special? My dear, put your wallet to good use and buy her a proper gift. Then you can use sex to top off the night.
3. Babies
Very common with south south men. They won’t show up with a gift but they will give you all the sex in the world. Next thing you know, you’re with child.
4. Silence
Some women get silence on Valentine’s Day. This could be because they are single with no partner prospects or their partner found a reason to fight with them at 11:58pm on the 13th of February. Either way, silence is not a gift. Y’all fix up. Get a random woman a Valentine’s gift TODAY.
5. Non-alcoholic wine
Non-alcoholic wine is really just fruit juice in a fancy bottle disguised as wine. So please come correct. Don’t be confusing sisters, please.
6. Reaffirmation
Those cute, heartfelt messages are great, love, but where is your capitalism-endorsed proof that you love me? Miss us with that shit, abeg.
7. Dry cookies
Just order her lunch instead. Those dry ass cookies that can choke you to death if you eat them without a drink ain’t doing shit for anybody.
8. Cheap chocolate
Same WhatsApp group with cookies. Just say you hate her, take your Toblerone, and go.
9. Movie date
If you are not buying out an entire cinema for just you two, don’t bother. Let homegirl eat her cheap chocolate in the comfort of her house.
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