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Youngperson | Zikoko!
  • If You Are An Old Person Trapped In A Young Body, Allow Us Tell Your Story

    If you are reading this, it’s too late. Or not?

    Chances are that if you are reading this, then you can relate to one or more things on this list:

    1) People say you are mature for your age.

    Tell me more.

    2) Your idea of fun is sleep.

    Human beings are stressful and sleep is bae.

    3) You have a strict bedtime and fixed routines.

    Chaos is stressful and procrastination is the enemy.

    4) Many of your friends are older than you.

    They are the only ones that really really get it.

    5) Bonus points if you use a phone pouch like this:

    So sexy and organized. Ugh.

    6) Your peers come to you for advice.

    Oh wise one, spill thy wisdom.

    7) Whenever you go out with friends, you are the designated driver.

    Let’s be honest, your middle name is self control and the others behave like overgrown babies.

    8) Everyone says you are resourceful.

    You have paracetamol in your bag. You are never late for your job interviews. You have actual savings.

    You should read this next: For Every Nigerian Adult With A Baby Face.

  • For Every Nigerian Adult With A Baby Face

    Chances are that if you are in the forever young club, life hasn’t been the easiest for you. From inappropriate comments to way out of pocket statements, it has been a hell of ride.

    Sit down, relax, let us tell your story:

    1) Younger people always try to toast you.

    Gen Z, please. Don’t put me in trouble.

    2) Bouncers are your worst enemies.

    “I swear to God that I am almost 30. I am not lying.”

    3) People are always asking you how WAEC is going.

    You and who?

    4) You always have to wear serious clothing to earn any respect.

    Does this swag look 16?

    5) When you try to toast your age mates, they find it cute.

    We are age mates, why are you calling me adorable?

    6) People are always shocked when you get a reference.

    Wait, how old do you think I am again? Of course I get the reference.

    7) You get to pay students’ price at the cinemas.

    Hehe. 🌚

    8) Everyone seems to think your younger siblings are older than you.

    I am older dammit. Is it because they are bigger than me?

    9) Younger kids treat you like age mates.

    Hold up. Who’s 20 years old with you? Put some respect on my back pain and mid life crisis.