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Hosting a global event like the World Cup is a logistics nightmare. We’re talking millions of football enthusiasts storming the host country to celebrate their favourite sport.
The question is, could Nigeria ever? We attempted something similar with the U-17 FIFA World Cup in 2009, but the World Cup is an entirely different game. Nigerians know this too. That’s why they’ve had the most hilarious responses to an X user’s simple question: “What if Nigeria hosts a World Cup?”
We compiled the most hilarious responses that’ll have you going from “God, abeg” to “Wetin be this?”
After the semi-finals yesterday, nobody’s angrier than die-hard Ronaldo fans right now. If you want to make their day even worse, just do one of these things.
Wear an Argentina jersey, and shout “siuuu!”
Just walk in front of them in an Argentina jersey, and do Ronaldo’s signature celebration. You need to rub in the pain.
Show them this picture of Messi
It scattered football twitter a month ago because it’s basically two GOATs in one shot. But now, the story has changed.
Remind them that Messi has seven Balon d’Ors
If you’re in a GOAT debate with any Ronaldo fan, just know they’d ask you to bring facts. When they do, show them this picture.
Say the words “World Cup final”
Nothing can trigger them more than the fact that their fave will never lift that trophy.
Tell them you agree he’s second best
Ronaldo fans live for the GOAT debate. So throw them off by being reasonable and agreeing he’s second best. They won’t be able to contain their anger.
Tell them he’s your GOAT
They know you’re an opp, and you’re being sarcastic, and that’ll annoy them so much.
Become a Barça fan
The minute you announce you’re a Barca fan, Ronaldo fans will see you as an opp, and everything you do will irritate them.
The 2022 World Cup in Qatar is free of alcohol but full of surprises. From underdog teams showing former champions shege to the random man who ran into the pitch, this tournament is giving what it’s supposed to, and we’re totally here for it.
Lionel Messi not being able to save Argentina from Saudi Arabia
Lionel Messi is the GOAT! Lionel Messi is the GOAT! And small Saudi Arabia that ranks 51 on FIFA’s world’s best teams still ended up beating his home team? Maybe it’s time to switch the title from GOAT to asun because this shock is not here. Love to see it for Saudi Arabia, though.
Lukaku becoming the affliction that keeps rising against Belgium
No one has missed more chances to score at the 2022 World Cup so far than Romelu Lukaku. This man had like four opportunities to put Belgium ahead in their match against Croatia (and become the highest goal scorer this year), but his village people wouldn’t let him succeed. The funniest part is how shocked he looked every time he missed a goal. Now we understand why Chelsea decided to sell him off to Inter Milan.
Japan starting Germany’s downfall
With four World Cup titles to their name (their most recent win being at the 2014 tournament), everyone automatically thought Germany had the Japan game in the bag. After all, Japan hasn’t even smelt the trophy before. But like with David and Goliath, Japan kicked off the group stage of the tournament by using Germany to mop the floor.
This match let other teams know the Japan team didn’t come to play this year.
Cameroon peppers Serbia to a draw match
Despite losing their first match against Switzerland, Cameroon pulled through in their second outing, equalising earlier goals from Serbia and walking away with a 3 – 3 draw. Even though they didn’t win the match, Cameroon showed us black excellence and just like Issa Rae:
Japan’s surprise second-half save against Spain
Japan beating Germany during the World Cup group opener was a cute stroke of luck, but beating 2010 winners, Spain? After Spain scored first goal 11 minutes in, Japan came back with ginger in the second half and scored two goals like it was nothing.
It’s not every day the 22nd-ranked football team strolls in and beats the world’s second-best. But that’s exactly what happened at the World Cup when Morocco gave Belgium the beating of their lives. Watching Belgium struggle for an equaliser was one thing, but watching them swallow two goals from Morocco? We have to scrim!
A protester disrupting the Portugal and Uruguay match
The match between Portugal and Uruguay will always be remembered as the match where a protester ran onto the field with a t-shirt and flag supporting Iranian women, peace in Ukraine and LGBTQIA+ rights. Apparently, the same guy ran onto the field in protest during a 2014 World Cup game. We can’t help but stan a consistent king.
Tunisia beating their former colonisers and current World Cup champions
Tunisia might be going home after losing their matches to Australia and Denmark. But they initially beat their former coloniser and current World Cup champions, France, and that’s iconic AF. Imagine Nigeria beating England in a match? We love to see it.
The FIFA World Cup has started, and now football fans worldwide won’t let other people hear word. Half of the world’s population is paying attention to it.
What’s now going to happen to the non-football fans that are forgotten by family, friends, lovers, colleagues etc.? What should they do with their time? If you’re not a football fan, you can use this time to:
Time travel
Use this opportunity to run away from adulting and travel to when you were still a child and had zero responsibilities and no worries. Since the world cup will be happening, not many people will notice your absence.
Learn how to play football
You’ve realised how much money footballers make from the world cup, and now you want to join because sapa is showing you shege. It may be too late to join this year’s World Cup. But if you train hard enough, maybe you can join them next year.
Get a new degree
You have enough time to go back to school, attend lectures, take exams and graduate with a new degree.
Discover the cure to a disease
While everybody is busy watching football, you can do more important things like saving people’s lives.
Watch the world cup
If you can’t beat them, join them.
Go for a reality TV show
Use the 28 days of the World Cup to enter a reality tv show and become famous yourself.
Fall in love and chop breakfast
You can meet a fellow non-football watcher and fall in love. But once World Cup ends, one of you will realise that your lack of interest in football was the only thing you had in common. And that’s how breakfast will be served. Maybe if you’re both still single after four years, you can reunite during the next World Cup.
Leave your job and travel
Your boss may be too distracted by the World Cup to notice you’re gone. Just make sure you come back before December 18. Or before their favourite team loses and crashes out of the tournament.
Get a PAGA card and go shopping
Paga has partnered with Visa and FIFA World Cup to bring you the Paga Visa card. This prepaid debit card can be used to buy things and withdraw cash in much the same way as regular debit cards.
Unlike a regular debit or credit card, a Paga Visa prepaid debit card doesn’t need to be linked to a traditional bank account. So there are no requirements like your great grand mother’s birth certificate or any other complex document to get the card. It also helps you manage your money and can be used anywhere in the world. Visit the website for more information about the card.
World Cup starts in nine days. We can understand if you’re not excited. Nigeria isn’t at the World Cup because Ghana beat our asses.
Don’t worry, though. We’ve brought you a list of countries you can support and not feel unpatriotic.
Canada
Who said Nigeria isn’t at the World Cup, please? Check the Canadian national team in 15 years, and walahi, you’re just going to see names like Adebayo, Chuma and Ogedengbe. Just support our people. Who knows? Canada might see your tweets and give you permanent residence for patriotism.
England
I’m putting this on the list simply because I love Bukayo Saka.
Argentina
This is the last chance for the greatest footballer of all time to win football’s biggest prize. So he’s going to need as much support from everywhere across the world to make this happen. A Messi World Cup is at the same level of importance as ending world poverty.
Ghana
Our brothers in jollof are going to World Cup. If they win, they’ll lord it over us for the rest of our lives, and it’ll be painful. But also, we’ll be able to say a West African has won the World Cup. Not bad.
Germany
Jamal Musiala and Karim Adeyemi are on the German team. Even though they’re choosing to play for another country, I’ll still support them.
Cameroon
I’m adding Cameroon to the list because I’ve started using a lot of Cameroon pepper in my cooking, and omo, it’s so good. God bless the country that produced it. They deserve to win the World Cup.
We don’t know what your reasons are, but if you’re reading this, you want to impress someone with your football knowledge.
There’s no judgement here. We understand the struggle. Here’s how to disguise if football just isn’t your thing.
Get familiar with the different games
You don’t want to be the one asking, “Is this a World Cup qualifier game?” when the whole world and your grandmother know it’s the FIFA World Cup final game.
Know the slangs
Then make sure to sprinkle them into your conversations.
Your boss: “How was your weekend?”
You: “I watched the top goals by my Idolo. He’s the GOAT!”
Choose a club
Just pick any club that has a reasonably good reputation and post about them once in a while. For international tournaments like the World Cup, just stick to Nigeria until they disgrace you.
Get a jersey
You don’t even need to get an original one. Visit any bend-down-select place, pick one jersey, wash it and wear it everywhere.
Twitter is your friend
There’ll always be hot takes on the TL whenever a match occurs. Pick one that everyone agrees with, retweet and then post it on your WhatsApp status.
Whatever you do, avoid viewing centres
Unless you want to be exposed as the fraud you are, avoid any gathering of hard-core football fans. You’ll be disgraced.
Participate in Coca-Cola’s Believe and Win Promo so you can win a trip to the 2022 FIFA World Cup
No one can doubt your fanship when you post your Qatar pictures.
Coca-Cola is an official partner of the 2022 Qatar FIFA World Cup and has launched a consumer-reward campaign for football fans.
Just buy any white-capped Coca-Cola product, check under the cap for the code, and dial *8014*1*CODE# to participate for free. Some lucky consumers will even witness the World Cup live in Qatar.
The Super Eagles of Nigeria are set to battle the Black Stars of Ghana over a two-legged tie between 25th–29th March 2022, for a ticket to the 2022 FIFA World Cup in Qatar. Here’s how we can qualify without stress.
1) Refuse Buhari’s Call
The last time Buhari called, we lost. Now, they shouldn’t even mention his name near the field. If he calls, let it ring. They can call him back after the they’ve won.
2) Invoke the angels from Africa
This may be a bit tricky since we’re invoking angels from Africa against another African country, but it’s first come first served: whoever calls upon the angels first will enjoy their services. So if we’ve not began summoning, we should start now.
3) Seize all the eggs in Ghana
If we seize all the eggs in Ghana, we can demand that the country forfeits the match. With the way Ghanaians love eggs, they’ll give into our demands in less than an hour.
Cyber cafes are plenty and printers are not scarce. If we print our own certificate, the FIFA has to accept it. Do they know who we are?
5) Dust Ghana in the qualifiers
Obviously, the most straightforward path to qualify for the World Cup is to beat Ghana on the pitch.
6) Legwork practice
Football players need strong legs, and what better way to strengthen your legs than to legwork? Three hours of legwork is enough to give our football players strong legs and prevent injuries.
We need to convince the federation that the match needs to leave the field and enter the kitchen. Nigerian jollof is superior and a jollof competition will easily secure Nigeria a win.
We can all say that Croatia played the game of their lives against France. But the thing about football is this;
If you like play with your heart and soul, if the ball doesn’t enter the post, there’s no point.
So, Croatia might have played a great game, but France scored more goals. Now, what I have to say might sound a bit wild.
But I want to point out the fact that France didn’t really win the World Cup.
When half of your team consists of Africans, who does the cup really go to? Be honest o.
Africa? Yes! Africa. All of us.
I could decide to give an analysis of every single African player on that team.
But we are going to sleep here. I promise you.
The most important thing you need to know is that from Mbappe to Pogba to Kante and Lemar, Mendy, Matuidi, Rami, Umtiti, Mendy, N’zozi, and many others are all Africans.
Infact, Lemar is half Nigerian. I’m so emotional right now
So we can also say that somehow, Nigeria won this Cup too.
Oh, I’m so proud to be Nigerian.
Infact I’m sure if we dig deep, we would find out that Pelé has African genes somewhere somehow.
Just think about this, what is Pele in Yoruba? I won’t say more than that.
Let me tell you the bitter truth, it’s okay to disagree. But just know that almost every legend in the history of legends comes from some part of Africa.
I can start mentioning names, but I don’t want us to divert.
Let’s place our focus on what is important for today. Africa borrowed France the World Cup.
Not only are we skilled, we are also generous. Wow. A whole continent.
On a serious note, whether we like it or not, Qatar 2022, Nigeria is bringing that cup home. I’m saying it with my chest.
Okay maybe just half of my chest.
I think before we end this, it’s important that we congratulate France properly.
So dear France, congratulations. You have done well.
But if you actually think Africa deserves all the accolades raise your hand.
The Nigeria vs Argentina march was tough for all of us.
We can easily say these are trying times for everyone in Nigeria, feeling everything so deeply you know.
We are all handling the situation differently, but however you are dealing with it, you definitely would have passed through these stages.
If you haven’t, then don’t come to Muritala Muhammed ever.
When that second goal by Rojo entered, you were like,
“This is a joke. I want to see the replay. I want to see the ball actually enter. Is that the side netting? Why are my trying to talk and my voice is not working? What’s going on here? These boys will score, I know it. Look at Ighalo. Is it truly over?” Denial is your name my fren.
When It eventually dawned on you that this was real life and absolutely no miracle could be performed. You were heartbroken.
“Ha my chest! God please do something, please. “They’re not giving us extra time?”
And then you start to watch replays, and listen to analysis, and your blood starts to boil.
This is so stupid, infact this entire World Cup is just annoying. What nonsense?!
THIS REFEREE IS MAD. I BLAME BUHARI. GET YOUR PVC NOW.
Because you saw how much the boys tried and it hurt even more. You try to eat, but food is not entering your mouth.
Grown person like me? Cry because of ball? Wazzaldiz?
After blaming whoever you think deserves to be blamed, you come to the conclusion for the millionth time that there’s nothing you can do but live with it.
Ha! Let’s crack some jokes all over the Internet, shall we?
After all is said and done, you know the Super Eagle’s tried their best and Nigeria is still behind them.
First, we’re going to win the Nations Cup, and we’re going to show them pepper in Qatar 2022.
Did I forget to mention that Senegal is still in the tournament, so we have an African country to support?
Olamide & Phyno shot the video for “Road 2 Russia” yesterday. By the time they release it, the Super Eagles would already be on their way back from Russia.
The World Cup kicked off yesterday and while we’ve not forgiven the person who lied to us about Wizkid performing, we are pretty excited about Nigeria’s first match tomorrow. So we made a quick list of each player because if you live on Twitter liked I do you’ll think the only members of the Nigerian team are Iwobi, Moses and Mikel Obi.
Ikechukwu Ezenwa – Goalkeeper
Ezenwa currently plays for Enyimba International F.C.
Daniel Akpeyi – Goalkeeper
Akpeyi plays for Chippa United.
Francis Uzoho – Goalkeeper
Uzoho plays for Spanish club Deportivo de La Coruña as a goalkeeper and is apparently the youngest member of the team at just 19 years of age.
Alex Iwobi – Forward
Asides from being a professional fine boy Iwobi plays as a forward for Premier League club Arsenal.
Simeon Nwankwo – Forward
Nwankwo plays as a forward for Italian club Crotone.
Kelechi Iheanacho – Forward
Iheanacho plays for Premier League club Leicester City
Ahmed Musa – Forward
Musa plays as a forward for English team Leicester City.
Odion Ighalo – Forward
Ighalo plays as a striker for Chinese club Changchun Yatai.
Victor Moses – Forward
Moses plays as a winger for Premier League club Chelsea
Bryan Idowu – Defender
Who knew Iwobi wasn’t the only fine boy on the team. Russian-Nigerian professional football player Idowu chose to play for the Nigerian team.
Leon Balogun – Defender
Balogun is a German-born Nigerian professional football defender who plays for Premier League club Brighton & Hove Albion.
Shehu Abdullahi – Defender
Abdullahi plays for Turkish side Bursaspor
Chidozie Awaziem – Defender
Awaziem plays for French club FC Nantes on loan from FC Porto as a central defender.
Elderson Echiejile – Defender
Echiejile plays for Belgian club Cercle Brugge K.S.V. as a left back.
William Troost-Ekong – Defender
Troost-Ekong plays as a centre back for Turkish club Bursaspor.
Kenneth Omeruo – Defender
Omeruo plays as a defender for Kasımpaşa on loan from English club Chelsea.
Tyronne Ebuehi – Defender
The second youngest player on the team, Ebuehi plays for Portuguese club Benfica.
Wilfred Ndidi – Midfielder
Ndidi like Musa also plays for Premier League club Leicester City.
Joel Obi – Midfielder
Obi plays as a midfielder for Italian club Torino.
Oghenekaro Etebo – Midfielder
Etebo plays as a midfielder for Stoke City.
Ogenyi Onazi – Midfielder
Onazi plays as a central midfielder for Turkish club Trabzonspor.
John Ogu – Midfielder
Ogu plays as a central midfielder for the Israeli Premier League side Hapoel Be’er Sheva.
Mikel John Obi – Midfielder
Everyone’s favourite, John Obi plays as a midfielder for Chinese club Tianjin TEDA in the Chinese Super League.
The World Cup starts tomorrow and while we are praying and hoping it’s not only fine aso-ebi we have to offer, we’ve come up with the perfect playlist to get you ready.
Road 2 Russia (Dem go hear am) – Olamide & Phyno
Our official 2018 world cup song
Ballerz – Wande Coal
We are stepping into Russia like
Issa Goal – Naira Marley (feat. Olamide & Lil Kesh)
For everytime we score a goal.
Power of Naija – 2Face (feat. Cobhams & Omawunmi)
Even though we are playing Portugal we still have hope
Super Eagles Carry Go – Austin Milado
We are readyyy!!!
Osinachi – Humblesmith (feat. Davido)
After we collect the cup from Germany.
Super Eagles- Solidstar
Croatia go clear road!
Nigeria Go Survive – Veno Marioghae
Even though we are playing Argentina, fear not.
Penalty – Small Doctor
We have a small prayer for Iceland – won ti gba penalty lo throwing
Ole ole ole – The Fans
For when we carry the cup
Wavin Flag – K’Naan
You can’t leave this classic off your World Cup playlist
Let’s ask ourselves one question. Was this game a fair one? No, it was not! Before I proceed with my analysis, If you aren’t good at math, you have to follow my calculations step by step.
The Nigerian Jersey is perhaps the best Jersey the World Cup ever saw! I said it, shoot me!
Therefore,
Nigerian Jersey 1- England Jersey 0
Nigeria’s Supporters Club remain undefeated with their energy, no arguments. England fans couldn’t even try!
Nigeria 1 – England 0
Honestly, the Pepsi ad could make Nigeria pass for the new Wakanda ( going too far?)
When England produces their video, I’d give them a point. But for now,
Nigeria 1 – England 0
Not one England player can dribble the way our legendary Victor Moses ridiculed Harry Kane, his name is Moses for a reason.
Nigeria 1 – England 0
This is hard to admit but I have to say Nigeria took a big L when the commentator said “Nigeria today is not as bright as their jersey”.
I felt it in my soul. It hurt, it really did.
So, Nigeria 0 – England 1
Anyway, Nigerians made a customised keke. A whole hand painted keke (a.k.a tricycle). I bet England doesn’t even have a customised bicycle
Nigerian Creativity 1 – England Creativity 0
If I don’t add the scores from the match itself, they will say I’m biased, but do I really have to?
Okay okay okay if you insist.
Nigeria 1- England 2
