Maybe your father is a government secondary school Principal who never lets you out, or you’re female and you wonder what goes on in those hot, stuffy places men go to watch football, then this is for you. Here are 5 kinds of people in football viewing centres:
1. Olote (Hater)
These ones are NFAs – No Future Ambition. No, scrap that. Their mission at the ball house is to watch Manchester United lose to Wigan Athletic. Bad belle people. They can do witchcraft, they just don’t have the powers. Or do they?
2. Assistant Coach (Manager-in-Embryo)
These ones are always analysing. They know the best formation of the team more than the manager on the pitch. They are always disturbing the person sitting down beside them with irrelevant hot takes. In short, they need to monetise their content, they just don’t know how to.
3. Mr “Let’s Google It”
This ones are scammers. Hushpuppi’s people. They don’t know anything, but they will keep on arguing. They back their arguments with misplaced statistics, but when you challenge them they’ll shout: “Oya, let’s Google it”. Google kee you dia.
4. Stander/Standist
These ones are always standing. And they’ll be sitting in front o, but they’ll still be standing. Hard guy, but small square-play blood pressure ti increase. We need to petition the International Criminal Court at the Hague to banish this kind of people from viewing centres. Correct nuisance, I tell you.
5. Senior Man
Alpha Male. This ones have DSTV have at home, not like our brothers above. They just want to enjoy the ambience of the viewing centre. But if you tug at their shirt when a goal has scored they can deck you o. They don’t like nonsense.
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