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trader | Zikoko!
  • “I’m a Minister of Enjoyment” — A Week in the Life of a Pastor

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” lives two lives. She’s a trader during the day and a pastor in between/when she’s not trading. For today’s “A Week In The Life”, she talks about her decision not to be a full-time pastor, balancing a 9-5 alongside her divine calling, and the many ways she enjoys herself as a human being.

    MONDAY:

    No matter what time I sleep, my body automatically wakes up at 7 a.m. The first thing I do after waking up is to prepare a light breakfast of tea and yellow crackers biscuit. 

    Breakfast ends at around 7:15 a.m. and I spend some time replying to WhatsApp messages from the night before. At around 7:30 a.m., I’m back in my bed preparing for round two of sleep. 

    Because I live two lives, both as a pastor and a trader, my day starts and ends at interesting times. On most days, I’m up till 3 a.m. praying and so I don’t leave for my shop until around 11 a.m. Luckily for me, the business I’m into — buying and selling of children’s bags, water bottles etc — doesn’t pick up until around noon so I’m good. If I was a full-time pastor my schedule would have been way more flexible. Sadly, I love my independence and I’d rather not be at the mercy of my congregation for money for food, clothing or school fees. 

    That’s why at 7:45 a.m. I turn off my data, put my phone on “do not disturb” and start my second round of sleep. When I wake up from round two of sleep, then my day will fully begin. 


    TUESDAY:

    I’m feeling nostalgic today and reminiscing about the past. It’s funny that there was a time when I wasn’t ready to serve God. At the time I received my first divine calling, I was running a fairly successful frozen food business in the heart of Lagos, and so the idea of leaving enjoyment for God seemed impossible to me. 

    God “called” me almost nine times, through people and directly, and I just let that phone ring and ring. At the time, I was certain that I was built for enjoyment alone. 

    However, calamity struck my perfect life. The abridged version is that the person who gave me capital to set up and run my business collected everything I had built and left me out to dry. 

    And so, like the prodigal son, I ended up returning to my father’s house. Ever welcoming, I was received with open hands where I enrolled into various schools under the church. 

    Since that experience, I learnt to put God first in all my dealings. I didn’t complain when I had to stop wearing trousers and weave on. I also accepted to live by the doctrine of the church. 

    In fact, when I wanted to start my trading business, I put a list of 10 businesses I was interested in with the boutique business at the top of the list. But a spirit kept on telling me that the boutique business wasn’t for me. To be sure, I gave this list to a few pastors to pray for me and a large majority ended up picking my current business. 

    As a now loyal servant of God, I let his will be done in my life and followed suit. I can say without any doubt that following God has been the best decision I’ve made. I’m not wealthy but he always makes a way for me.

    What more can I ask for?

    WEDNESDAY:

    I’ve had an interesting Wednesday. My day started as usual; I slept late, woke up to eat, went back to bed and opened the shop by 11 a.m. 

    However, today was the first day this month where I made over ₦50,000 revenue in one sale. And to think that minutes before the customer walked in I was flirting with the idea of going to the market because the day was slow. I was in the shop from 11 a.m. till 3 p.m. and not a single customer came in. Just as I was about to start packing, the man came to restock new bags, water bottles and socks for his kids. When he paid for the goods, I screamed internally.

    Almost immediately after he left, I got another call from someone in my congregation asking me to send my account number. I told the person not to bother but they kept on insisting and blowing up my phone with calls. According to the man, I was the only pastor who prayed for him without collecting money. Instead, I even gave him transport fare after each prayer session. 

    Reluctantly, I sent my account number to prevent him from blowing up my phone. When I saw the alert, I screamed out and shouted Jesus!

    This person who was having challenges at one point sent me ₦150,000 as appreciation. I still couldn’t believe it even when I called to thank him later in the day.  

    Although the day is ending now, I’m still excited about how much of a good day I’ve had. I hope the rest of my week is also filled with unexpected good tidings. 

    THURSDAY:

    I don’t go back to sleep when I wake up today. In fact, I wake up at 6 a.m., have a bath and leave my house by 6:30 a.m.

    Today is different because I’m going to Idumota market to buy goods for my shop. It takes roughly two to four hours, without traffic, to make the journey from my house at Iyana Ipaja to Idumota. 

    With traffic, I might as well sleep on the road. Out of the many options available to me, I prefer entering a straight danfo from the park to my house. Although it’s more expensive, it’s the most convenient. The other options drop me way off from my intended destination and usually involve trekking. Me, I no dey for Israelite journey. 

    At the market today, I received a shock. The goods I last bought from the market at ₦1,800 and sold at ₦2,500 are now being sold for ₦2,500 in the market. This means that I didn’t make a profit from the last batch of goods I sold. I have no option but to still buy a new batch like that. 

    It seems that nowadays, it takes the grace of God for businesses in Nigeria to thrive. Although I feel a little pessimistic, I’m deciding to trust in God’s plan for me. 

    I’m tired and overspent both physically and financially, but I’m grateful when I finally buy the last item on my list. The next stop is home sweet home. 

    FRIDAY:

    People always ask how I deal with the expectations that come with being a pastor. I tell them that as long as I honour God, respect the doctrine of my church and remain a good ambassador of the religion, I’m fine. These requirements don’t stop me in any way from being myself. 

    I’m not afraid of any man as long as I know that my behaviour is in line with God’s teaching. 

    Let me tell you something, I’m a minister of enjoyment. On days when I decide not to go to church or attend to customers or my congregation, I’ll run to Godly parties where I can enjoy myself. 

    Today is one of those days. For a few hours today, I’m closing my business and pastor life to attend a friend’s 50th birthday party. I’ve been looking forward to this party because my friend promised me that the DJ will play old school classics. Personally, I’m looking forward to screaming “Last night, I dreamt of San Pedro,” followed by  “Hello, is it me you’re looking for.”

    Whether it’s prayer, business or advising people, my guiding philosophy in life is that whatever I lay my hand on shall prosper, even if it’s enjoyment. Whatever I do, I must do it well and enjoy it. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • Trading Seriously Affects My Mental Health —A Week In The Life Of A Bitcoin Trader

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week


    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a physiotherapist and Bitcoin trader. He talks to us about struggling with mental health as a trader, his dreams to become a renowned poet, and how trading changed his life for good.

    MONDAY:

    At 12 a.m., I’m mostly awake trading BTC. I look for people who want to sell BTC as I simultaneously text people who want to buy BTC. While talking to clients, I also place adverts on social media to attract both buyers and sellers. 

    As the hours move, I religiously monitor something called pips and candles — graphical movements that indicate market gains and losses — and I buy BTC to hold when the price dips. I do this in hopes that I can resell at a higher price when the market goes up. The funny thing is that the market might keep dipping as the day continues so I end up losing a lot of money. Alternatively, the market might also go up and I make a little profit. Because of this volatility, I barely sleep. Someone is either calling me for a transaction or I’m having nightmares that BTC crashed when I was asleep. Either way, I stay up as long as I can to monitor the charts.

    My midnight to early morning is the same cycle of buying, selling, placing advert and texting. However, my day takes a different turn because I have a 9-5. 

    In addition to trading BTC, I’m a licensed physiotherapist who manages private patients. I like to say that crypto is my side hustle while physiotherapy is the main work, but that’s not true —  crypto trading is what makes me comfortable.  

    It’s 5 a.m. when I finally close my laptop for the day and stop trading. I stop because I have a long day ahead. I’ve been booked for private physiotherapy sessions and my patients live in vastly different parts of Lagos. My current dilemma is how to avoid Lagos traffic without splitting myself into two. 

    My more important dilemma is that I need to sleep before I can do any form of thinking. When I wake up, I’ll figure out the next step.  

    TUESDAY:

    Trading crypto can change your life for both good and bad. You can get comfortable from this business, but your relationship with people will also suffer. 

    I don’t sleep because I’m always on my phone or laptop trading. I don’t reply to messages because I can’t carry on a conversation for long. I remember this one time I was on a date with someone who promised to never see me again.

    Why? I was looking at my phone all through the date. I couldn’t explain to her that I was losing huge amounts of money. Sometimes when I’m spiralling, I turn off my phone and take a break away from everybody. I encourage crypto traders to take breaks because no amount of money can make you happy as a full-time trader. You’re always thinking of how to double or triple the money. You’re always reading charts. And you’re also too familiar with watching all the profit you made at 7 a.m. go down the drain at night. 

    Today is a bad mental health day for me. Just for existing alone, I’ve lost almost ₦500,000 in a trade. Even though I know it’ll keep getting worse, I can’t stop staring at the screen. 

    When I can’t take it anymore, I pick up my car keys, turn off my phone and decide to go lodge in a hotel where I can be alone.  

    Trading crypto has changed my life. I’ve lost money today and I’m probably in debt, but I have friends who can loan me money until I bounce back. I’ve lost money today, and I’m crying in my car, but soon, I’ll cry in a well-furnished hotel room. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    Nothing seems to be working for the foul mood I’m in today. 

    I went somewhere to take tequila shots, it didn’t work. 

    I went to dye my hair, it didn’t work. 

    I went to binge eat, it also didn’t work. 

    In the evening, I’ll go to a bar to try to lift myself out of this deep sadness that I feel. 

    When I turn on my phone, I’m sure I’ll see that my friends have been looking for me. It’s ironic how someone will see a photo of me in the hotel and automatically assume I’m happy and balling.

    The constant up and downs in this business are really affecting my mental health. As a medic, I understand a bit about mental health, and this helps me fight thoughts like, “Why am I failing?” “Why am I losing money?” “Who did I offend?” 

    I’m not leaving here without a fight. Life is so useless that it’s not worth dying for. I’d rather life kills me itself before I kill myself. 

    THURSDAY:

    I feel better today, so I spend some time thinking about how social media can be misleading. When I’m making profit, I don’t party or club or even go out. I’m just indoors. 

    But the minute I start to experience back to back losses, I booze-up. If not, I’ll get frustrated. My friends and I have a tendency to make ourselves happy by partying, going clubbing and sometimes taking breaks. Because our approach to bad days looks like enjoyment, it’s easy to look like we don’t have bad days. It’s easy for people to say we’re always balling, always chopping life when the reality is that we’re “chopping life” because we just made a major loss. 

    What a big irony.

    FRIDAY:

    I’ve decided to leave the hotel today and to connect back with the world. The first message I see when I turn on my phone is someone asking me to open a BTC wallet for her and help her trade.

    I’m not the most honest person in the world, but I tell her never to ask anyone to open a wallet on her behalf because anyone in possession of your username and password can swindle you.

    I tell her that BTC wallets are quite easy to open. I also tell her that BTC trading isn’t some magic trick where you put in $50 and get $600 after two days. If the money will increase, it’ll do so by maybe $10. 

    After my speech, I pack my things and leave the hotel.

    I’m barely halfway from my house before I’m stopped by the Nigerian police. They’re shouting at me to park, and I know it’s because of my dyed hair that I’m being stopped. I greet the officers and quickly show them my physiotherapist ID card. The conversation takes a quick turn, and the officer who was shouting softens his voice. The next question he asks is, “Which medicine I fit use if I get Covid?”

    I tell him to go to the hospital if he thinks he has any symptoms. I can’t help but shake my head and sigh as I drive away from their checkpoint. Everyone in this country has a problem that’s doing them.

    SATURDAY:

    I wake up today feeling grateful for my 9-5. My physio job allows me to interact with patients which then forces me to read my books a bit. I love books and I love to read. If I didn’t have to earn a living, I’d probably be a poet or something. Writing poetry has been one of the ways I’ve expressed the intense wave of melancholy I experience. I’m hopeful that someone can relate to how I feel and that helps them feel less alone.

    Sadly, poetry can’t be a full-time job. That’s why I show up, regardless of how I feel, to trade.  

    If you ask me where I see myself in future, I’ll tell you that I just want two things: to release my second and third anthology of poems, and to finally be free from a screen.

    I’m tired. 

    I need to sleep with urgency and without worry about whatever the trading charts are saying. 


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

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  • A Week In The Life: The Yaba Trader Who Doesn’t Believe In Coronavirus

    “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject for today is Chizzy. A trader in Yaba in his twenties. He walks us through life in Yaba market, his doubts on Coronavirus in Nigeria, and his struggles with weight gain.

    MONDAY:

    I wake up by 7 am today. The first thing I do is morning devotion, followed by press-ups. I have to keep fit both spiritually and physically. I wake up early because if I don’t get to Yaba market on time, sales may have finished for the day. Since the lockdown was lifted, we have new rules in the market. We open by 9 am and close by 4 pm. If I don’t leave my house early, I may not get a bus. Missing the bus can ruin my sales for the day.

    I quickly have a bath, brush and set off for the day. I make sure I always leave my house latest by 8:30 am. It takes 30 minutes to go from my house to the market – it’s two buses and one pedestrian bridge away. 

    The first thing I do when I get to the market is to find food. I don’t play with morning food because without it, I can’t concentrate when you’re talking to me. Especially if I didn’t eat the night before. Also, I can’t eat the same food I ate last night the next day. For example, I ate rice last night so I’m eating swallow today. I no dey like to chop the same food twice. 

    The sad part is that with the way I eat, I’m still not fat. The thing annoys me. I want to drink fat medicine because I am tired. Sometimes, I’ll do press-ups to see if I can even get muscle. I think I am cursed to not have body.

    After eating, I greet my neighbours for them to know that I am around. I like to be jovial in the market. I always announce my presence so that the day I don’t come, they will feel my absence. 

    I work under someone but I still run my own packages. My oga gives me goods to sell, and my job is to record the sales. I can sell it at any price as long as I record my oga’s profit and cost price. Other people even bring goods for us to sell and I have my own percentage from whatever I sell. It’s funny because the people that bring goods for us to sell have money to buy plenty but they don’t have the connection to move them. I have the connection to move it, but no money to buy plenty goods. Sometimes, if I see someone going to China, I give them small money to help me buy things. For them to just arrange the reigning fashion wears for me. Then I resell here as my own and keep all the profit.

    Sadly, the last stock I bought from China has finished and I haven’t been able to get more because of the lockdown. Some people have dropped their goods with me and we have agreed on my own percentage. My plan for today is to sell as many as I can so that I can earn it.

    TUESDAY:

    I go to the market 4- 5 days a week. I go on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.  Sometimes, depending on the sales for the week, I don’t go on Thursday. However, no matter what happens, I don’t go on Tuesday and Sunday at all.

    Tuesday is for sex.

    At least it used to be. In the past when I was still a game boy, my Tuesdays were for that. I used to call myself a game boy because I was a multi-player. I had different partners. But now I am in a serious relationship and things have changed. In the past, Monday nights were exciting in anticipation of Tuesday. These days, things are no longer the same. 

    My routine in the past was like this: if it’s a first time visitor, I’ll change the bedsheet. I’ll clean the house and also make sure the curtain is not dirty. I’ll even mop the house. Then I’ll spray perfume, have a bath, scrub my teeth, and wait for the babe.

    However, if it’s a regular person that’s coming over and we are already sexing, I don’t need to change the bedsheet. It’s not that the bedsheet won’t be clean but it’s not going to be a special affair or I’ll overdo the cleaning. Also, I always make sure my mouth doesn’t smell because I hate bad breath. I enjoy being able to talk to women with confidence. The babe has to enjoy a cool scent when I am talking to her. It also makes kissing easier. If my mouth is smelling when I’m talking, the girl will just be running away.

    Anyhow sha, I no longer have sex on Tuesdays. My girlfriend isn’t available like that. She’s at home and she can’t leave the house without her parents’ permission. Even when she leaves, we have to plan the lie she’ll tell her parents ahead. Coupled with lockdown, everything is just somehow.

    It hasn’t been easy, but I feel that this relationship is meaningful and heading somewhere. Based on that, I decided to stop being a player. 

    Nowadays, I sleep on Tuesdays because the rest is also as important. And that’s exactly what I will do today.

    WEDNESDAY:

    Corona no reach Yaba market. 

    Today, I shook one guy, and he said that he didn’t know why he shook me. I told him that since Corona started, plenty of people have died, and as long as we haven’t died, we will keep shaking ourselves. 

    The only reason I wear a mask is to avoid Nigerian police. They are arresting people without masks and using it to make money. 

    In the market, we shake, we hug because nothing dey happen. In fact, there’s nothing like sanitizer. If you come to the market every day for one week, you’ll forget about this virus issue. It’s people who don’t go to crowded places that still talk about the virus. If you go to a crowded place regularly, you’ll get used to it. I am tired of wearing face masks because the sun is beating me and I can’t breathe well in the market. Everywhere is choked. It’s just unnecessary punishment. 

    Yaba market has its own culture. And our culture is full of werey werey people and we have all agreed that nothing dey happen.

    In the first week after we resumed, we all used to tie nose masks. After one week, people got tired and stopped wearing it. 

    I believe that this Corona thing in Nigeria is a business. I think so because I don’t personally know anyone that Corona has killed. If it’s really in Nigeria the way it is in other countries, why have 5 million Nigerians not died by now? The way it’s potent in other countries, why is it not that potent in Nigeria? And why is it mostly Lagos state that they say people are dying? Don’t they die in other states?

    Abroad people are even more civilised than we are, yet they got the virus. In Nigeria, we go to ATMs all the time, we press the keys without wearing gloves. In a public house like face me I face you, people share the same toilet and bathroom. If it’s real, how will they survive it?

    The bus I sit in every day, it’s 3 per seat. They say Corona lasts for a long time on the surface and yet we are still surviving it. Why aren’t we dead? Are you telling me that God is saving Nigerians? 

    We keep saying no church yet some people keep going to church secretly and we don’t know. Police who are supposed to follow the rules will grab you and put you in their motor when you are not supposed to touch anyone. Police will arrest you for not using face masks but they too aren’t wearing it. Can I say that God is protecting us or what’s the explanation?

    As I am like this, anything that has made me survive in Yaba market since we reopened, I can never die! I can’t contract Coronavirus. (See disclaimer below)

    I have survived two months now since they opened the markets. I believe the politicians are using it for business, but that’s politics for you. 

    Nothing like Coronavirus at my side. I shake people every blessed day and I never die. 

    THURSDAY:

    I am not going to the market today. Thursdays are usually dull around the middle of the month because people have finished spending their salaries. People come to shop well around that end of the month time. I am using today to rest.

    I plan to do laundry and just balance. I am going to watch plenty Korean films and just enjoy myself. The very first Korean film that captured my heart was Ju Mong. It’s even the only movie title I remember. I don’t remember titles, I only remember how the film made me feel. I fell in love with Ju Mong because of their culture and tradition. I like the way they practise their government in Korea. They have a monarchy and normal government, so sometimes they clash against each other. It’s nice to see a different culture from what I am used to. 

    Another reason I enjoy Korean movies is because it’s real to some extent. At least better than American films. In American films, they’ll shoot someone and the person will hide inside the river for 10 days. Afterwards, they will come out and treat themselves. I don’t like that kind of movie. 

    FRIDAY:

    Coronavirus taught us a lot of lessons in Nigeria. Firstly, overwork kills. You need time to relax. If you watch this lockdown time, people came out fresh. It’s just the hunger that spoiled everything. If people had money to eat well, maybe they would have come out fresher.

    I was discussing with my boys the other day. In the past, we used to come to the market from 8 am – 8 pm every day. However, these days, because of government rules, we open from 9 am – 4 pm. If you check it, we are making the same money we used to make from working morning till night. Because everything now has time, we can plan ourselves well.

    We overstress ourselves in Nigeria. We are supposed to have time to rest. Work for some time and rest for the other. In this Yaba, plenty of people pray for KAI to lock their shops so they can at least use that day to rest. You know there’s no public holiday for market people. No New Year, no Christmas. You rest when they lock your shop or Corona comes.

    Lockdown has been a blessing because slim people have added weight. Somehow, instead of adding weight, I have gotten slimmer,even though I eat. They should count me as people that hunger is killing because I didn’t add weight.

    Today, before I go to the market, I plan to drink tea. Maybe it’ll help my condition.

    SATURDAY:

    I made a mistake at work earlier today. I forgot to remove money for one of the goods I supplied. When I realized it, I went to tell the person I supplied.

    The guy denied the mistake with his life. 

    He was shouting that I removed the complete money. I wanted to rush the guy but I realized that if I fight the guy, I’ll lose. Last last, I’m the one that made the mistake. I just told the guy that the money will not change his life and I freed it. It’s street hustle and e don guy me be that.

    I’ve been thinking about the incident throughout the day. How could they run me street? A whole me. This thing is scattering my day.

    Abeg, I am going home to sleep. 

    SUNDAY:

    Sundays are for domestic work and sleep. I usually clean and cook. After what happened yesterday, I find myself thinking about my future today.

    Yaba is too rough. I don’t even like Yaba business like that. It’s just that I have spent a long time and people know me here already. If I had better money, I wouldn’t be in Yaba. I don’t really gbadun their lifestyle here.  But I also catch fun too so it balances. 

    I met all the girls I’ve dated in Yaba. I have also made all my money from Yaba. In addition, on the days where sales are bad, I have friends that make me laugh and happy. These are people I play with, laugh with, cry with, fight with. My life revolves around Yaba because that’s where I spend all my time. I go to work during the day and I return home at night.

    The fact that too many people know me here also bothers me. If I start my own business now, people will start replaying my history. They will start saying I started from here to here. If I don’t play with them, they’ll say I am now proud. That they know where I am coming from. The eye service is too much, but this is the only place I have known.

    This is my life. If I leave Yaba today, my plan is to jaapa

    I’d like a fresh start – a chance to meet new people – a chance to become a new person.


    Disclaimer: Coronavirus is very real and it shouldn’t be joked with. If you or anyone you know exhibits any symptom, please contact the NCDC here.

    Glossary:

    Jaapa – To relocate from Nigeria.

    Werey Werey – A crazy or mad person (derogatory)

    E don guy me – He has cheated me.

    Gbadun – To enjoy something.


    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.