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Texting | Zikoko!
  • 7 Nigerians Tell Us the Wildest Online Dating Conversation Starters They’ve Seen

    Maybe you’re supposed to meet the love of your life on the scary streets of the internet. If that’s you, you need to know how to hit them up online because, in this life, fortune favours the brave. 

    We spoke to seven Nigerians about the wildest online dating conversation starters they’ve seen to give you a sense of what you should and shouldn’t do.

    hit them up online

    Jane, 27

    I posted a picture on my Instagram story about people with compatible genotypes marrying each other. The next thing I know, this guy slid into my DMs and said, “My name is Ibraheem, and I’m AA”. I was confused at first, but then, he sent me the picture I put on my story. I actually laughed at it, and we started talking from there. Nothing romantic came out of it in the end sha, but we’re still good friends.

    Omotola, 25

    I get a lot of message requests on Instagram. The funniest I’ve seen to date was from a man who simply wrote, ‘Which bank?’ Obviously, I like money so I replied his message. I didn’t collect money from him, but that line was enough to get me interested. Everything scattered when I later found out he was married with two kids.

    Dayo, 31

    I started talking to my current girlfriend after she shaded Chelsea on Instagram when they lost a match. I thought it was a man because the shade was in pidgin. I was going to unleash frustration on the person when I checked the profile and saw it was a fine woman.

    I responded with a laughing emoji, and we hit it off from there. It was a lot of football banter at first, but then, our conversations grew deeper, till we decided to go on a date together.

    Diana, 29

    I was on my own when this man came into my DMs on Twitter with this line: “Word on the street is that you’re my girlfriend. Let’s not disappoint them. Let’s give them what they want?” To be honest, I was more shocked at the audacity than I was confused. 

    I laughed and told him he should go back and tell them to stop saying rubbish. He said he’s not going anywhere. More audacity. I sha surrendered, and we started talking. Soon, I was laughing away my WhatsApp phone number.

    Lolade, 24

    Someone once used a bible verse to slide into my DM. It was hilarious because I was a very religious person at the time. He literally said, “Hi, Genesis 2:24. I’ve only come to fulfill God’s wishes”. Immediately I saw the message, I started laughing out loud. As a sharp babe, I replied him with, “Father, let thy will be done”. We really hit it off and were dating after a month or so. He eventually served me breakfast, but I enjoyed the relationship sha.

    Tolu, 28

    The wildest episode for me was when someone liked my pictures on Instagram and followed me. Naturally, I was expecting him to send me a text, and he did. I was already eyeing him because I liked what I saw on his page. 

    We got to talking, and he started complimenting me with sweet words. At one point, I asked him to tell me more about himself. His response was, “I’m a doctor. I really love watching football, and I have two kids”. What blew my mind was he went on to ask me when we could go on a date. My guy snuck in the kids part like he was talking about chocolate.

    Emmanuel, 28

    I think this lady had watched all these ridiculous videos online on different pickup lines to use. Because why would she come to my DM and be saying, “Are you Okro? Because you draw me closer to you?” I wasn’t even in the mood for rubbish. I just replied the message with “Who be this one?” Then she sent, “Hi, my name is Tolu”. It’s been almost a year and I’ve still not opened that message till today.


    NEXT READ: Top Dating Sites in Nigeria


  • The 10 Horniest Emojis Nigerians Use in Texting

    You thought Nigerians didn’t use horny emojis? Well you thought wrong. Here are 10 of the horniest emojis Nigerians use in texting:

    1) Eggplant emoji 🍆

    A penis shaped like an eggplant will probably traumatise anyone for life, but that hasn’t stopped it from being the go-to penis emoji. For this reason, we  declare it the horniest emoji. There’s nothing hornier than a penis. 

    2) Water splash 💦

    According to Zikoko’s Bureau of Imaginary Statistics, the percentage of Nigerian sexters rose from 11% in November 2018 to 47% by February 2020 due to the global pandemic. 

    As a result of this rise of people searching for sexual fulfilment through texting, the water splash emoji has been used to represent squirting. We sha blame pornography for causing people to think that squirting is the peak of sexual satisfaction. 

    RELATED: 7 Nigerian Women Share Their First Time Squirting Experience

    3) Dark moon face🌚

    This moon emoji is usually accompanied by the question, “So tell me something about you nobody knows🌚?” or, “How freaky are you 🌚?” But you can’t blame the moon. It looks sus.

    4) Shy monkey 🙈

    One would think an animal emoji will not make it to this list, but if a plant can make it, so can an animal. People who use the monkey to say things like, “I want to touch your boobs 🙈”. Weirdos. 

    If you’re wondering what the emoji will look like in person, here you go:

    5) Tongue 👅

    Not only does this not look like any tongue we’ve ever seen, but whoever made the emoji must have been ridiculously horny. It can turn any statement sexual, even if you’re talking about food. “Omo, this thing wey I chop ehn 👅” 

    6) Hot and spicy emoji 🥵

    You’d think that a country that’s fighting a battle with the sun will use this emoji for the right purpose, but no. They’ll be saying, “You’re so hot 🥵” but they’re not saying it’s because the sun wants to roast your head. This is why the heat will never stop. You’ve angered the sun with your sinful behaviour

    RELATED: Trying to Stay Sane in This Heat? Here’s What to Do

    7) Mourning emoji 😩

    We don’t even need to explain this emoji. Looks like someone that’s getting proper backshots. It’s not their fault. If you remove the “ur” and replace it with an “a”, mourn looks like a moan. 

    8) Kneeling emoji 🧎🏾‍♀️

    If you don’t know how horny this emoji is, then you’re not seeing it. The idea of submission in itself is horny, so an emoji with someone kneeling is screaming horny. Why else would you kneel down if not to s— okay,

    9) Tasty emoji 😋

    The official emoji of the 30+ Nigerian men. This emoji is only considered horny because 30+ Nigerian men are a horny bunch. 

    RELATED: 7 Emojis That Only 30+ Nigerian Men Use

    10) Beggi Beggi emoji 🥺

    One can argue that this one’s for the Gen-Z’s, but it’s actually for Nigerian women after they’ve finished drinking red wine

    [newsletter]

  • 16 Opening Lines You Should Never Use On Dating Apps

    So you’ve decided to give dating apps a try; created your profile, added a bio and uploaded a flattering picture. Great. Maybe you can finally meet the love of your life after all.

    Or not, depending on how great your conversation game is.

    The koko is that if you don’t want to be unfortunate and get blocked faster than you can say “Ah”, then avoid these opening lines. They’re the ABSOLUTE WORST.

    1. “Wyd?”

    You couldn’t even bother to type in full. Haba. Please and please, you should only be sending this if you’re Bruno Mars.

    2. “Hi, hey, hello, hai”

    This is the laziest attempt ever. What is the person supposed to do with those?

    3. “Can I know you?”

    Just block yourself, because what is this? If e easy do am.

    4. Anything that starts with “Am”

    If the opening line starts with “Am”, forget you even matched.

    5. “How are you?”

    And all its variations. Except you want to go on a boring how-are-you-fine cycle, erase this question from your options.

    6. “Wassup” or “Waxup”

    Omo, the sky. Out of the hundred things you could start with, you choose this?

    7. Emojis

    Talk to the person direct, don’t go through emojis. Mind you, sending a smiley as your first message is outright creepy.

    8. “Hi beautiful”

    Later you’ll be wondering why you got aired. Dead the idea of “Hi dear” too. Both of them suck.

    9. “Are you a lightbulb because I want to turn you on”

    Okay, this is just a cheesy line no one will fall for. Try harder.

    10. “Follow me on social media”

    Why this? Don’t you know where they sell Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat followers?

    11. “Sweet girl”

    It’s you that’s bitter? This gives serious creepy uncle vibes.

    12. “Where are you chatting from?”

    The top of a tree. You’re just prying unnecessarily. If the convo kicks off, best believe they’d tell you eventually. Be calming down.

    13. “Nice dp”

    You probably repeat that to everyone you DM. Maybe, up your game?

    14. “You look familiar”

    Yes, because you’ve seen them like…NEVER. Even if you have seen them somewhere before, ehen? Tch.

    15. “Can we meet up”

    Come oh, before you type this as an opening line to someone you clearly do not know, dead the idea.

    16. “I like you”

    You don’t say. Blockedt.