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  • 8 Things To Think About Before Tattooing A Man’s Name On Your Body

    Getting a man’s name tattooed on your body as a show of love is a very questionable thing, except he’s dead of course and you got the tattoo to immortalize him. However, if you want to get a man’s name tattooed on your body simply because you love him, we’ll need you to sit back and think of your action. 

    Here are some serious questions to ask yourself before tattooing a man’s name on your body. 

    1. Is everything alright at home?

    You need to be sure everything is fine on the homefront before you proceed. Do your parents love you, do you have spiritual problems, do you need to get delivered from spiritual problems you have no hand in? Those are some of the things you need to know. You can also ask your parents some of those questions to be sure everything is fine at home.

     

    2. Is the name biblical?

    Let the name atleast be biblical and by biblical, we don’t mean a name in the Bible. No, we mean a name that can be turned into a Bible passage, like Matthew.

    3. Do you not like your body?

    You are a beauty and a spec and you don’t need his name on your body to confirm that. Even if you don’t like your body, that man’s name on it won’t make it better.

    4. Are you ready to endure the disgrace?

    First and foremost, the disgrace is going to be plenty, very very plenty and it’s probably going to make you a story woman. Are you ready to explain to one million people why you have a man’s name on your body even though you no longer talk to him? Think about it. 

    5. Is the name fanciful enough?

    Please note, I am not talking about names like Tunde, Tunji or Chukwudi [sorry to men with those names]. Is the name atleast fancy enough with a good meaning? If not, kindly abort the mission. 

    6. How common is the name?

    A common name is a good option, you can walk down the road and find another man with that name to date. Names like Kunle, Tobi and Femi are good options here, not Alexandria.

    7. Why you don’t love yourself.

    If you truly love yourself enough, you won’t get a man’s name tattooed on your body. If you truly love yourself, you won’t date men, but that’s another conversation. 

    8. Do you like the name enough to claim it’s yours?

    When the love fails and your foolishness is staring you in the face, would you like the name enough to claim it’s yours? Very unlikely. 

    Ibukun

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  • 10 Tattoos That Will Get You Disowned

    If you want to get disowned by your Nigerian parents, Try any of these tattoos in this article. Don’t message us when it works sha.

    1. The chessboard

    First of all, no one wants to see this on a human being. At least wait until your parents have added you to their will. Everything is so expensive. 

    2. The Village people on crack

    How do you even get a tattoo like this and not have nightmares? This picture is probably the origin story of Karashika. If you are trying to label yourself so your village people can find you easily this will work. Get ready to be disowned!

    3. Eye don’t work

    Of all the tattoos you can get on earth, this is by far the most foolish. Not only do the eyes not work, but you’ll be walking around scaring random people for no reason.

    4. The Louis Vuitton beard

    Trying to grow beards stress Nigerian parents, but since you are on a path of destruction, you can just tattoo your beards instead. D for? Disowned.

    5. Love na bastard

    Because nothing else would drive someone to do something like this. If you want to be disowned, you should get this tattoo

    6. Bill almost Clinton

    This tattoo will make sure you don’t get a visa because of the blatant disrespect for that man’s face, which will, in turn, lead to you getting disowned, but by all means, carry on.

    7. The inked nightmare

    If you are against your peace of mind and your partner’s good sleep, you can get this tattoo. Good luck.

    8. Avocado lovers

    If you can get this tattoo with your full chest, knowing how much people hate avocados, what’s a little disownment to you? Please, go for it.

    9. The cat’s butthole

    If you are trying to score points with cats by getting this tattoo, it won’t work sha and you’ll just get ignored.  If your parents see it though, they’ll pay attention to you at least and you’ll get disowned since that’s what you want.

    10. The destiny sucker

    How do you even hide or explain a tattoo like this to Nigerian parents? Abeg, don’t try this tattoo.

    [donation]

    Malakai Bassey

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  • How To Make Your First Million Naira From Celebrity Tattoos

    “A person who does not know where his mates are succeeding will just die for nothing.” African proverb (and if it’s not African, take it like that).

    While you are here crying out of poverty, people are cashing out seriously with very little work. How? By tattooing the face of a celebrity on their bodies!

    Oh please don’t be scared. Me I know how you can do it that you will cash out.

    Let me teach you.

    a. Identify the celebrity that will be your cash machine.

    Important qualities to look for:

    b. Find those ones that are very active on social media. Any small matter, they chook mouth.

    If you pick someone like Genevieve Nnaji, I’m sorry, but you have just wasted a portion of your body that you cannot get back.

    c. Target Yoruba socialites (Don’t make me mention anybody’s name, plis), Yoruba Nollywood actors and actresses. You know, find your way into that circle.

    d. You can also target politicians or Nigeria as a whole. You may not get money oh, but at least you will have donated your body to a worthless cause.

    Exhibit 1.
    Exhibit 2. Imagine carrying such a problematic coat of arms of your body forever. Hmm. It will take God’s intervention to separate you from jagajaga.

    But enough of this shalaye. HOW DO YOU CASH OUT FROM YOUR TATTOOS??

    Word on the street is that a celebrity tattoo can fetch you between N100K to N1m. Imagine that. ONE MILLION NAIRA. Just to do this?

    Bobrisky Finally Transfers N1 Million To Lady Who Tattooed His Face On Her Back

    Best believe I’ll cover myself completely in like 68 tattoos. N1m x 68 = N68m. That is, N68,000,000.

    Me, after I draw the tattoos.

    But your village people can manifest at that time sha. And things can go wrong for you, just like it did for my madam here.

    Apparently, she got a tattoo of Bobrisky. While she was waiting for cashout so she can go and ball, her father disowned her. As if her condition could not get even poorer, Bobrisky did not acknowledge her.

    Alexa, play ‘Problem.’

    But her guardian angel did not overdose on Fufu. Bobrisky finally responded.

    Reaction
    And just like that, my good sis is a millionaire.

    Another good example is my homegirl, MandyKiss, who tattooed Naira Marley on her leg and became an ‘internet sensation’.

    How so? Naira Marley followed her back on Instagram! If that is not enough clout, then I don’t know what it is.

    So, there you have it. Pick your target and tattoo away.

    Wizzy baby.
    This No Be Naira Marley, Na Okey Bakassi" - Nigerians React As Lady Flaunts Cute Tattoo of Naira Marley's Face on Her Thigh
    Or Nimota Marley.

    Jah be with you.

    Kunle Ologunro

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  • 6 Bizzare Services Rendered Under Ikeja Bridge

    “You unlock this door with a key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, and a dimension of mind. You are moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You have just crossed over into… Ikeja Underbridge.”

    – Zikokomag, 2019

    (Fingers crossed that Rod Serling’s estate never sees this)

    I’ve always had this theory that if hell or The Twilight Zone had gateways anywhere on earth, they would be at Ikeja underbridge. Why? Because there’s way too much shady stuff going on there for that place (and, by proxy, the people operating there) to not be affiliated with dark magic.

    Backing up my theory are the frankly insane services that are offered under that bridge. Here’s a list:

    1) Lip Colouring (Pink Lips)

    If you’ve ever passed through Ikeja underbridge on foot then you’ve definitely seen them. They stand around in packs, approaching random passersby and brandishing small containers of a pink cream while quietly asking, “You wan do pink lips?”

    I won’t lie, I considered doing this when I first heard about it. But seeing the results on the guys selling it reminded me why people should never get high on their own supply. All the guys I’ve seen obviously went ham on the cream application, ending with them looking like this:

    Damn.

    2) Getting Tattoos.

    Have you ever looked at someone’s body ink and wondered why it looked more like the effects of a violent flesh-eating bacteria than a tattoo? They most likely got the tattoo at Ikeja underbridge. Also, it’s the same pink lips guys that offer this service. I stan Kings (and queens?) of multi-tasking.

    You can even get eyebrows permanently tattooed above your eyes, ensuring that you’ll be stuck in one fashion era for as long as you live.

    3) Body piercings (Any body part)

    Genitalia included. But the line, “I went to pierce my scrotum at Ikeja underbridge and something terrible happened” won’t elicit pity from anyone. Remember this when you’re being laughed at in slow motion because you’re in a hospital bed with your entire pelvis bandaged.

    4) Surgical enhancements

    Ikeja underbridge is the place you go to get surgery (butt, boobs, tummy tucks, penis enlargement) if you have plans to feature on a future episode of E!’s Botched.

    5) Skin bleaching.

    No more do you have to spend ₦200k on Bobrisky’s cream or ₦90k on Blac Chyna’s cream. Just mosey on down to Ikeja underbridge and have your skin whitened for a fraction of the cost of other creams.

    The eventual skin damage is sold separately.

    6) Teeth Bleaching.

    I for one think it’s amazing that the good folks under the bridge at Ikeja have bypassed the almost decade-long training required to study dentistry and just went straight to practising. Unqualified people messing around in your mouth. What could go wrong?

    Astor George

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  • 13 Pictures That Will Make You Really Crave A Henna Tattoo

    1. Mocheddah’s amazing henna.

    2. This amazing hand tattoo.

    3. This dramatic but awesome henna tattoo.

    4. This gorgeous henna body art.

    5. When an Edo bride slays with henna on her hand.

    6. Just see how nice Waje’s hand looks.

    7. This beautiful one that made her nails look even finer.

    8. This gorgeous leg design.

    9. Don’t you just love how simple and classy this design is?

    10. This really extra back tattoo.

    11. When the squad decides to slay.

    12. This really cute elephant.

    13. This really pretty flowery affair.

    Maryam

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  • This Nigerian Boy Pretended to Get a Tattoo. His Mother’s Reaction is Hilarious
    African parents (especially Nigerians) are the same all over the world.  But when this chap decided to prank his mother by pretending to get a tattoo. Her reaction is straight out of the African Mother’s Playbook.

    1. She Will Blame Your Friends.

    Because you cannot be the bad one among your friends; they are always influencing you.

    2. She Will Bring the Spiritual Angle.

    In case you don’t know, the Bible [or Koran] is against that thing you just did.  You mother knows chapter and verse.

    3. When She Discovers You Got a Dragon Tattoo.

    You sef no try. A dragon? Are you Harry Potter?

    4. A Holy Book Will Be Quoted.

    This is why you should pay attention in Sunday School.

    5. She Will Close the Door So You Can’t Escape.

    You’re a prisoner in your parent’s house.  If you doubt it, try and pass that door she just closed.

    6. She Will Bring Up Your Health.

    Your mother is concerned about your health.  Because if you die, how will you give her grandchildren and shame her enemies?

    Enjoy the video here.

    And ask yourself, what would my mother do if I came home with a tattoo?

    seyi

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