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Are you really Nigerian if you’ve never had to visit your local government? And if you have, you’d understand how important it is to know who’s in charge. So here are some things every local government boss has.
Potbelly
“The bigger a man’s stomach, the more power he holds.” If you don’t believe it, just go to the local government first.
Plastic food flask
They always have a flask in their office for interns who take turns doing the amala runs.
Malt is to local government bosses as kola nut is to the ancestors. So trust that if they decide to do their job help you, you’ll have to appreciate them with money for malt. Doing nothing gets exhausting, so we understand why they need the energy boost.
“My dia”
If you’re ever feeling neglected or lonely, just dress well, walk to the nearest local government office in your area carrying malt, and watch them my dear you to death.
A wristwatch that has stopped working
You think they like coming to the office late, but in reality, they have no way to tell if it’s 9 a.m. or 2 p.m.
Somewhere else to be
They never fail to remind you that they have better things to do than attending to your complaints.
Making a memorable music video in a time where everyone keeps dropping bangers is hard AF. Luckily for you, we’ve done some research as a team and came up with this expo into making the best music videos guaranteed to make you stand out and blow.
Good luck!
Grills
Real superstars don’t allow the audience to see their teeth. Come off it, dear. You have to cover your 32 with gold, silver, maroon and diamond encrusted grills. The bigger and more intimidating the grill, the bigger your future will be.
Sunglasses
If we advised you against showing your teeth, what makes you think showing your eyes will be allowed on set. It doesn’t matter if the video is set in a graveyard and shot at 10pm, you must wear sunglasses. Others may not get it, but real superstars see the sun 24/7 and need to protect their eyes from it.
Fluorescent light
Lighting is important for a video, but fluorescent light reflecting on your sunglasses is more important than any other light in your video. There’s a reason Clarence Peters is a music video icon, he was the only one who could afford fluorescent lights back in the day.
Yacht or Private Jet
We agree that not everybody can afford to have a yacht or private jet scene in their video, but, omo, it’s very important. We’ll advise you fast and pray for funds. After all, what God cannot do doesn’t exist.
Grass to grace story
Every musician was once poor, even Davido. So show us visuals of the day you drank garri and engine oil. The video has to be inspiring because for your first video to blow, we need to know where you’re from. But most importantly, your background has to give serious poverty vibes.
Unless you want to cry like Asake in the Bandana video, we advise that you have TG Omori’s money complete before you start shooting. Hire a director you can afford to avoid hot tears and stories that touch.
Big bum bum
A video without big bumbum is like Lai Mohammed without the lies. It doesn’t matter if the song is about thanking God for bringing you out of trenches, there has to be some big booties clapping in the background. Don’t let us down.
You want to shoot your first video in Gbagada? Sorry, but we have to laugh in Espanol. My friend, if you’re serious about blowing, you better start hustling flight tickets to South Africa, bad as e bad.
That flower vase drink
Nigerian music videos have graduated from Hennessey to Azul. The only way to keep the audience on their toes is by flexing drinks you and them can’t afford. Fake it till you make it.
For every church in Nigeria, there’s always something you know them for. From bells, to private jets to red berets each one has its own. We made a list that you can’t help but agree with
