Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 sponsored | Page 56 of 63 | Zikoko!
Africa as a continent has a lot of catching up to do with the rest of the science world. Nigerians on Twitter re-imagined Albert Einstein as an African and their tweets were hilarious.
1. We wouldn’t be thanking anybody for bringing Facebook to Nigeria.
But they are still very relevant and making changes in Africa!
What if the next Einstein is African?
Africans are already building solutions to some of the scientific problems troubling the continent.
Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation.
We’re looking for 1 million signatures. Pledge your signature.
Africa hasn’t really invested in science and it shows. Scientists tend to solve problems they know have wide applications in their environments. Because of that, many problems peculiar to Africa have remained unsolved for decades…But imagine if a scientist like Einstein was African, he might work on a whole different set of problems like…
1. An early warning system for when your mum is about to slap you
A way of calculating atmospheric pressure around your mum’s hands and letting you know when it changes so that you know to duck.
2. A ‘love’ potion for African parents
Because African parents will never willingly say I’m sorry OR I love you.
3. A body odour neutraliser
Since everyone has refused to wear deodorant in this heat, we’d have a substance that neutralizes the poisonous body odour from others. Billions of African noses will be saved!
4. A ‘Kini’ translator (mind reading device)
Your Nigerian mother is convinced that you understand what “Bring me my kini” means. Because as far as she is concerned, she gave birth to a mind reader. This device will decode all your mother’s mannerisms to save your African ass from a beating.
5. A Yoruba boy warning system
Since Yoruba boys don’t actually have to be Yoruba boys. You gats be prepared!
6. An African accent identifier
Actor in Hollywood movie speaking in generic African accent:“My name is Babatunde Johnson.”African accent identifier: “This is NOT a Nigerian accent, I repeat, this is NOT a Nigerian accent. Replace actor immediately. Suggestion – David Oyelowo.”
7. Self-cleaning weaves
Because… haba..
8. ‘Two heads’ to help you pass in school
Dad: “Jolade that came first, does she have two heads?”
You:*Heads to Jumia.com to order an extra head ?*
9. Air conditioners that run on ‘I beta pass my neighbour’
Because this heat is demonic..
10. A 24-hour monitoring system for parents and girlfriends
Complete with a voice that says “remember the son of whom you are” everywhere you go.
11. An Oyinbo food Africanizer
For all those times you’re craving real pepper but you’re stuck with the 10th sandwich this week.
12. A makeup face printer
Instead of spending 1 hour to get a beat face, just use this machine to print your make up sharp sharp! Copy and paste.
13. Kenyan running gene transplant
Because Kenyans outrun everybody and other Africans will appreciate getting the Kenyan running gene transplant. Simple.
14. Petrol-to-your-door delivery service
Order online. Delivery within 24 hours depending on distance. Because somebody cannot come and die from queueing in this hot sun abeg!
15. Actual special effects for Nollywood action scenes
Hay God! We can’t continue like this. Look at how they destroyed the Ghanian folktale, Anansi The Spider!?
16. An allergen that makes African presidents allergic to overstaying their term
Because African Presidents who have spent more than 10 years in office are likely to never leave office…unless God or death or allergy… See Gaddafi, Mugabe etc
Now imagine a world where the next Einstein is African
Africa is transforming. Touch screen cardio pads that connect rural citizens to important care. Urine tests that detect malaria. Rapid diagnostic tests that detect Ebola. mPesa and other digital financial platforms that facilitate financial inclusion. Major solar energy projects in Morocco and Rwanda. The light rail in Ethiopia. The Square Kilometre Array, arguably set to be the world’s biggest telescope, in South Africa.
Join the Movement and call on African governments, leaders of civil society and the private sector and young people to support a new era in science, technology and innovation.
We’re looking for 1 million signatures. Pledge your signature.
The Nigerian mother is seriously one of a kind. Her amazing ability to go from whooping your ass with an eba stick to lovingly rubbing your head really needs to be studied.
Although this may seem like a totally random generalization, it’s actually a very valid one. And these tweets and the amount of retweets they gathered in agreement, just further validate that point.
7. When someone complains that the music is too loud.
Are you lost? Do you think this is a library?
8. When the party’s playlist is serious rubbish.
What is this nonsense?
9. When they finally pass you the aux cord.
Very good.
10. When the house party is banging but you came with bae.
See my life.
11. When you want to turn up but everyone is just pressing phone.
Are you people mad?
12. When those annoying people put their phone’s screen brightness on the highest.
How is it doing you people?
13. When you see guys struggling for wall space.
Who are these ones?
14. When a babe says “that’s my seat.”
Na your house?
15. When the light comes on and you see who you’ve been dancing with.
Hay God! See my life outside.
16. When you start feeling sleepy halfway through.
I’m too old for all this rubbish.
17. When you realize the party is actually dead.
Bye Felicia.
Thankfully none of this happens at a Smirnoff House Party and Zikoko is giving out 5 TICKETS to the next #SmirnoffHouse party taking place this Saturday, November 14th.
To win tickets, share this post on your Facebook or Twitter timeline using the hashtags #SmirnoffHouse and #zikoko and tag Zikoko on Facebook (zikokomag) or Twitter (@zikokomag) for a chance to win!
Winners will be randomly selected.
Featured image via DailyMail.
LifeBank is holding the largest blood drive ever in Nigeria to save 3,000 lives in Lagos. But do you know your blood type? And more importantly, can Zikoko guess your blood type?
Take this quiz to find out!
Disclaimer: Please do get tested to know your actual blood type.
Every year thousands of cancer patients, accident victims, pregnant women, children under the age of five, patients suffering from sickle cell anaemia, and surgery patients all die in Nigerian hospitals because of shortage of blood. The problem is so vast that about 26,000 pregnant women alone die each year because of shortage of blood.
Which is why LifeBank is holding the largest blood drive ever in Nigeria to save 3,000 lives in Lagos. LifeBank is doing something to stop deaths due to blood shortage. They’re building a movement of ready young blood donors that will give blood every 3 months to prevent blood shortage related deaths in Nigeria.
Through the blood drive, LifeBank will collect 1,000 pints of blood for women, children and blood dependent patients across Lagos State. So, come have fun, get medical checkups, and save a life or three.
Everybody keeps asking you for job experience, but they will not hire you so you can get the experience.
You see some jobs you clearly don’t qualify for, but you apply for them anyway.
You remember saying your starting salary must be 200k and above, but you are starting to reconsider.
You used to see people walking around with this thing, and you’ve now joined them.
You have been hearing “unpaid internship” up and down, but you’re not that desperate yet.
You have even gone to meet that uncle that promised he’d help you after you graduate, but he is like:
People keep inviting you for job seminars, but you’re just here like:
You have finally resorted to sharing your CV like party pack, “you get a CV, you get a CV, EVERYBODY GETS A CV.”
Your CV is currently on almost every online job site in Nigeria.
Your email is currently filled with messages from them, but you are still jobless.
You stated the kind of jobs you wanted on the sites, but they keep sending you openings that don’t concern you.
You keep seeing job ads on the sites that literally have no details about the job.
You even went for one of the interviews they sent you, but it turned out to be a scam.
You, when they told you to pay before you could apply for the job.
You were so broke you even started considering selling your stuff.
…but then you landed on Efritin.com and saw ‘Job Vacancies’.
You saw ‘verified employers’ and accurate job descriptions.
Now you can search for a proper job without all the unnecessary wahala.
Oya! Quickly go on Efritin.com and start your wahala-free job search now!
Efritin.com, Nigeria’s No.1 marketplace for used goods! Buy and sell everything from used cars to mobile phones and computers, or search for property, jobs and more in Nigeria – for free!
