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The Stress Of Having People Try And Pronounce Your Name Abroad

1. How people react when they hear your name the first time:

Their brain is already frying.
2. Your face, whenever someone tries to pronounce your name:

Chai!
3. When someone asks if you have “an easier name”.

You will learn today.
4. You, calculating how much time you spend sounding out your name for people:

Wasting my life.
5. When you still have to spell it for them right after pronouncing it.

STRESS!
6. When people still get your name wrong after you’ve corrected them a million times.

Are you mad ni?
7. When people give you a nickname you hate against your will.

Did I send you?
8. When a teacher hesitates during roll call and you know they are about to destroy your name.

Hay God!
9. You, whenever someone says “sorry if I butcher your name”:

Save your sorry.
10. When they correct you when you say “Susan” wrong, but can’t get “Kunle” right.

See your life.
11. When you can’t even remember the true pronunciation of your own name again.

Everybody has already scattered it for you.
12. Your face, whenever someone asks what your name means:

You can like to mind your business.
13. When you stop telling people your name first and just start spelling it.

No energy, abeg.
This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:

The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Clink the link below to learn more.

Daniel Orubo

August 9, 2016

Oldies

abroad, Africa, growing up, Name, Nigeria, School, sponsored, travel
15 Nigerian Meals That Will Treat You Better Than Your Current Bae

1. Ogbono soup that will never forget to send you ‘good morning’ texts:

2. Banga soup that will always notice when you change your hairstyle:

3. Egusi soup that will ignore Premier league to gist with you:

4. Efo riro that will use it’s school fees to buy you the latest iPhone:

5. Okro soup that will let you cheat on it in peace.

6. Puff puff that will take you to Dubai for Valentine’s day.

7. Akara that won’t wait for you to be broke before blessing you with credit alert:

8. Dodo that will stay awake and fan you when NEPA takes light at night:

9. Ewa Agoyin that won’t start squeezing face when you ask to meet it’s family:

10. Nkowbi that will buy YOU something on its own birthday:

11. Asun that will let you eat it when you say you’re hungry:

12. Catfish peppersoup that will never take more than 10 seconds to reply your messages:

13. White rice and stew that will give you Bella Naija proposal:

14. Fried rice that will always send you monthly allowance out of its salary:

15. Jollof rice that will buy car for you when it’s still jumping bus:

MAGGI knows good food is the best bae. Follow the hashtag on Facebook and Instagram: #GoodFoodIsBae

Daniel Orubo

August 9, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Maggi, Nigeria, Nigerian Food, sponsored
10 Guys You Must Meet At Every Nigerian Wedding

1. The “I Just Got Back” (IJGB).

His accent brings all the girls to the yard!
2. The uninvited guest.

Nobody knows who exactly invited him but he’s sha there and there’s nothing anybody can do about it!
3. The professional groomsman.

Always the groomsman, never the groom. At this point being a groomsman could be his job!
4. The one that keeps forgetting he is married.

Flirting with everyone, collecting numbers and making sure all the fine girls are ok… meanwhile his wife is waiting for him to bring her drink oh!
5. The eligible bachelor.

Funny AND smart AND employed AND handsome. A rare specie.
6. The groom’s baby cousin.

This one thinks he is old enough to chat to all the babes at the wedding. Meanwhile he’s like 15 oh!
7. The “once upon a time” eligible bachelor.

A couple hundred weddings ago he was the eligible bachelor but now… not so much.
8. The local champion.

The life of the party!
9. The “artsy” guy.

Wore a tie-dye agbada to the wedding with hand-made sandals. In his spare time he meditates at Freedom Park.
10. The rowdy noisemaker.

Him and his crew of scallywags have cornered half of the alchohol at the wedding and just sit in one area making noise and pointing at all the pretty girls.
This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50

The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Clink the link below to learn more.

Jola Ayeye

August 8, 2016

Oldies

Men, Nigeria, sponsored, Weddings Celebrities
15 Breathtaking Pictures Of Nigeria, By Nigerians

Nigeria is seriously stunning, and if you rolled your eyes at that statement, these pictures taken by our fellow Nigerians with the TECNO Camon C9 should easily convince you.
1. This flawless picture of the Mapo Hall in Ibadan:

2. Another picture of the Mapo Hall, because it’s just that beautiful:

3. This beautiful shot of the Abuja National Mosque:

4. This wonderful picture of the must-see Zuma rock in Abuja:

5. This breathtaking image of the Gurara Falls in Niger State:

6. The lush landscapes in the beautiful city of Kaduna:

7. This glorious picture of the Ferris wheel at the Polo Park Mall, Enugu:

8. This impossible shot of the Ngwo Pine Forest in Enugu:

9. This gorgeous aerial shot of Lagos:

10. This beautifully constructed building in Victoria Island, Lagos:

11. Another breathtaking aerial shot of Lagos, because Lagos:

12. This stunning shot of the Okpu-Oku stream in Enugu:

13. This amazing picture of Lagos’ Third Mainland bridge:

14. This flawless image of Agodi Parks & Gardens in Ibadan:

15. This wonderful shot of the National Arts Theatre in Lagos:

So, if you want to have a camera that takes flawless pictures like these, get the TECNO Camon C9 and stop carrying last.

Daniel Orubo

July 26, 2016

Oldies

c9ja, camon c9, Nigeria, sponsored, tecno
A Post For Nigerians Who Love Food, By Nigerians Who Love Food

1. When you don’t want to go out but you hear “free food”.

My body is ready.
2. When you go for a buffet and someone tries to enter your front.

Better respect yourself.
3. When your mother starts doubting your stomach.

4. When the person serving food at the owambe keeps passing you.

See my life.
5. When the caterer tries to block your blessing.

Better face your front.
6. Your plate at every owambe:

Can’t dull it.
7. When you follow your friend to a fancy restaurant and you see the tiny portions.

Am I a goat?
8. When there is still flesh on your bone and your waiter tries to clear your plate.

You want to die, ba?
9. When someone wants to take you on a date that doesn’t involve food.

Are we in the abroad?
10. Your monthly food budget:

Food is the most important, abeg.
11. When you buy take-away but finish the food before you get home.

Don’t judge me.
12. When your friend says you spend too much money on food.

Face your front.
13. Nigerian mothers: “…when you’re always eating.”

Hay God!
14. When you dish your food and one aunty comes to say “for you alone?!”

Please, go to your house.
15. When your siblings eat the food you kept in the fridge.

Blood is not thicker than food oh!
16. When the person saying grace for food starts praying too long.

Can we eat, biko?
17. You, leaving every party with food like:

I cannot carry last.
If you love food as much as we do, don’t carry last on the 500dishes Foodfest:

YASSS!!! Zikoko will be there hosting the food competition of life – Zikoko Hunger Games.
And before you say Zikoko never did anything nice for you, we will be giving away free tickets to some lucky readers.

All you have to do is share this post on either Twitter or Facebook and we will pick at random.
You can also get 10% off when buying your 500dishes foodfest tickets using the voucher code “ZIKOKO”.

Head to 500dishes.com/foodfest to get your tickets.

Daniel Orubo

July 20, 2016

Oldies

Africa, eat, Food, love, Nigeria, sponsored
13 Pictures You’ll Get If You’ve Ever Been To A Nigerian Supermarket

1. When you are struggling to find a sensible parking space.

The struggle is real.
2. When you enter the supermarket and they tell you to drop your bag.

Ugh! Can I be?
3. How you look at the security guard when they let other people enter with their bag.

So, I’m the one that looks like a thief, abi?
4. How the attendants look at you when you ask where something is:

Ah! Sorry oh!
5. How the attendants look at you when you enter an aisle:

Can I be?
6. When you ask for a particular item and they say “it just finished.”

It has always “just finished.”
7. When the cashier tells you their POS isn’t working.

Meaning what?
8. When you bring out cash and they now say they don’t have change.

Please bring my N20, we are not friends.
9. When the price at the counter is different from the price you saw in the aisle.

Is it fair?
10. When they tell you they don’t have any big nylon bags.

I should now carry it on my head?
11. You, checking your receipt to see whether they scammed you.

Can’t trust these people.
12. When the security guard checks your receipt but doesn’t check your bags.

How do you now know I didn’t steal?
13. When they now start doing “happy weekend” while you are leaving.

Better leave my side.
This post was brought to you by the Tecno Camon C9.

Daniel Orubo

June 30, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Nigeria, Nigerian, sponsored, supermarket
13 Popular Nigerians If They Were On Snapchat

Here’s how we imagine some of our favorite Nigerians would act on the social media app, Snapchat:
1. Ben Murray-Bruce would stay preaching his ‘special’ brand of common sense.

2. Linda Ikeji would keep reminding you how self-made she is.

3. We would know when Buhari decided to branch Nigeria.

4. Folorunsho Alakija would constantly remind you that she still washes her husbands underwear.

5. Dangote would constantly tension his followers, the billionaire way.

6. Oshiomole would remind you that his wife is badder than yours:

7. Governor Ambode would remind us that you can do a great job and still turn up.

8. Everyone’s crush, Diezani Alison, would be trolling the government.

9. Our Jack of all ‘political’ trades, Dino Melaye, would be very fun to follow.

10. Chimamanda Adichie would be dragging all the misogynists by their edges.

11. Reno Omokri would have another platform to tell women what they should do with their bodies.

12. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala would just be giving us gele variety.

13. Dele Momodu would be his overdramatic self.

Oya, go and add Zikokomag on Snapchat:

Daniel Orubo

June 30, 2016

Oldies

celebrities, Nigeria, Politicians, snapchat, sponsored
13 Images You’ll Relate To If You’ve Ever Entered A Keke Napep

1. When you’re the first in the keke and the driver asks “charter?”

I’ll wait, biko.
2. Keke drivers, when they see you with N1000 note:

Better leave this place.
3. When a fat person enters and starts shouting “SHIFT!”

Please respect yourself.
4. When the 3 passengers at the back are waiting for the last passenger like:

It always takes forever.
5. When the person next to you wants to lap someone.

Inside this small thing?
6. When someone begs you to move to the front seat for them.

Ugh! I don’t want to.
7. You, holding on for dear life when you have to sit at the front.

You’ll now be sitting with half nyansh.
8. When your driver starts dragging road with a trailer.

Oga, have you forgotten what you are driving?
9. You, when the keke enters a pothole with speed.

Are you blind?
10. You, watching cars and okadas speed pass your keke:

They can be slow sha.
11. How you sit at the back when you charter the whole keke:

I’m feeling myself.
12. How kekes manoeuvre through traffic:

BOSS!
13. When rain starts falling and they pull down that their dirty tarpaulin.

It’s even worse when they don’t have at all.
This post was brought to you by the Tecno Camon C9.

Daniel Orubo

June 29, 2016

Oldies

Africa, keke, keke marwa, keke napep, Nigeria, Public transport, sponsored, tricycle
17 Pictures That’ll Make Sense To Nigerians Who Are Obsessed With Selfies

1. You, never missing an opportunity to take a selfie:

Even in the middle of a life crisis, you’re there taking selfies.
2. You, spending ‘quality time’ with your friends.

“I have to capture the moment.”
3. You, whenever you see anything that resembles a camera or phone:

Time to slay.
4. How you feel when you look great but don’t have a phone to take a selfie.

What is life at this point?
5. When you ask for your friend’s phone and return it full of your selfies.

Have to take a selfie by all means necessary abeg.
6. What you look for in a phone:

What else matters?
7. What your camera roll looks like:

For the love of selfies.
8. When you’ve taken a million selfies and finally find the right one.

Too lit!
9. How you feel after you’ve mastered the art of selfie taking.

BOSS!
10. How you take selfies when you want your whole outfit to show.

Cannot come and be wasting kacks.
11. You, when your friends decide to do ‘silly faces’ in pictures, but pouting is your signature pose.

You people are on your own.
12. You staying camera ready at all times.

Gats be prepared.
13. You, posting every great selfie you take so they don’t go to waste.

Waste not, want not.
14. How you impact ‘selfie wisdom’ to your friends:

Na so.
15. Your parents every time you take a selfie:

Somebody cannot post ordinary selfie in peace again.
16. When you finally drag them into your selfie obsession.

A family that takes selfies together, stays together.
17. How your friends look at you when you get excited that it’s National Selfie Day.

Yes, there’s a National Selfie Day people. June 21st, get it right.
Anyway sha, don’t mind the haters. Take awesome selfies with the 13MP front facing camera on the new Tecno Camon C9.

Damilola

June 27, 2016

Oldies

Nigerians, selfies, sponsored
16 Nollywood Actors Reimagined As Game Of Thrones Characters

1. Nkiru Sylvanus as Sansa Stark

When you think Sansa Stark, you can’t help but think ‘SUFFERING’. Seriously, when your childhood crush kills your father, it can only go downhill from there. So, who better to play the frustrated Stark than the ever-crying Nkiru Sylvanus?
2. Patience Ozokwor as Cersei Lannister

We all know that Cersei Lannister is next-level wicked and no Nollywood actor can play wickedly protective mother quite like Patience Ozokwor. So, why mess with a formula that works?
3. Osita Iheme as Tyrion Lannister

What Tyrion lacks in size he makes up for in serious wit, and how many Nollywood actors can claim to have played as many wickedly clever characters as Osita Iheme. It really doesn’t hurt that they are about the same height.
4. Pete Edochie as Tywin Lannister

Tywin Lannister was the wealthiest man in the seven kingdoms, and one of the wisest. The only difference we can spot between him and Pete Edochie’s typical characters is that while Tywin was just the hand to the king, Pete Edochie would actually be the king.
5. O.C. Ukeje as Jon Snow

Jon Snow (everyone’s favorite character) is the pretty loverboy with a lot to prove to his family, if you can’t see the charming O.C Ukeje playing this role, we don’t know for you again.
6. Emeka Ike as Joffrey Baratheon

Joffrey Baratheon was probably the most hated character in television history. He was cowardly, annoying and spoilt, three traits Emeka Ike would really have no trouble playing.
7. Van Vicker as Jaime Lannister

Jaime Lannister is brave, handsome and more than a little twisted (*side-eye’s incest*). He isn’t meant to be as likable as he is but he pulls it off, and that is very Van Vicker.
8. Kanayo O. Kanayo as Stannis Baratheon

Last time we saw Stannis Baratheon he was sacrificing his daughter to the Lord of Light for a chance at the Iron Throne. If that doesn’t scream Kanyo O. Kanayo to you. you really should watch more Nollywood movies.
9. Nse Ikpe-Etim as Daenerys Targaryen

Daenerys Targaryen is equal parts strong and compassionate, and we can’t think of anyone more suited to the title of “Mother of Dragons” than the enchanting Nse Ikpe-Etim.
10. Majid Michel as Petyr Baelish

Petyr Baelish is insanely ambitious and extremely cunning, willing to do anything for power. If you’ve ever watched a movie with Majid Michel, you’d know he is the perfect fit.
11. Mercy Johnson as Lysa Arryn

Lysa Arryn was the overlooked sister of Catelyn Stark and the tremendous Mercy Johson has built a formidable career on playing the ugly duckling.
12. John Okafor as Lord Varys

Lord Varys is extremely sneaky and occasionally hilarious not unlike John Okafor. It doesn’t hurt that they both have the same size potbellies.
13. Joseph Benjamin as Robb Stark

We didn’t realize how much we really liked Robb Stark until he was gone and we can’t think of a better actor to capture his quiet intensity.
14. Olu Jacobs as Ned Stark

Ned Stark’s nobility might have been his undoing in the end but that trait is exactly what Olu Jacobs brings to every character he plays.
15. Joke Sylva as Catelyn Stark

Catelyn Stark was the strong-willed wife of Ned Stark. So, it’s only right we cast the supremely-talented real life wife of Olu Jacobs.
16. Jim Iyke as Ramsay Bolton

Which other Nollywood actor can you picture torturing their prisoner into submission beside the sly looking Jim Iyke?
Although all we can do is imagine our nollywood stars playing Game of Thrones characters, THE REAL season 6 of Game of Thrones is coming back with a bang!

Game of Thrones Season 6 is coming | Exclusive to MNet Edge! Great News for Premium subscribers on DStv – the 6th season of the highly-anticipated, award-winning show, Game of Thrones is almost here. The new 6th season of the fantasy drama series set in the land of Westeros will be seen exclusively on MNet Edge Channel 119 on DStv (Express from the US) on Tuesday 26 April at 1am – meaning the 6th season premiere of Game of Thrones will be shown early hours of Tuesday 26 April. DStv Explora subscribers who can’t stay awake for the season premiere at 1am, can set their PVRs to record the season and watch it anytime or catch prime time on Thursday 28 April at 10pm. The wait for your favourite show is almost over and will be full of suspense with the fate of the show’s characters up in the air. Don’t miss all the action, adventure and drama of Game of Thrones Season 6 on MNet Edge Channel 119, the home of HBO in Africa and exclusive to Premium subscribers. So make sure you stay connected on DStv and Premium bouquet. Log on to www.dstv.com for more information, and ensure that you activate parental control to restrict viewing as this series is not for persons under the age of 18.

Daniel Orubo

April 26, 2016

Oldies

game of thrones, Nollywood, nollywood actor, nollywood actress, sponsored