Soccer | Zikoko!

The most-beloved Premier League is back!

I would have said the UEFA Champions League, but a lot of you don’t make it that far hehe.
This is you as soon as the Premier League season ends

Even though there are like ten other competitions in the year. It is never enough.
For the one month between the end of the World Cup and the start of the Premier League, this is how you look

“What shall I do with my life now?”
You’ll just be playing FIFA anyhow and telling yourself that “at least it’s football.”

Even though you’re actually wack and will probably just get frustrated as your friend whoops you over and over.
When you check the calendar

This is what the days look like to you. “Na wah o, this month is slow o.” Even though it’s already the second day of the month.
When you have to pay your family and friends attention because, nothing else to do.

Only to realise that they haven’t forgiven you yet for choosing football over them.
That’s when you will discover your hidden talents.

I bet you didn’t know you could bake, huh?
This is you ordering your team’s new jersey even though you’ve been claiming broke to your family and girlfriend for weeks.

LOL let’s be honest, this isn’t you. You’re going to wash that your old jersey from two seasons ago, and you don’t have a girlfriend.
When one whole week of no football passes, then God blesses you with a few games.

International Champions Cup… well, close enough to Premier League.
But then you remember that you now have to pay for Cable regularly.

“Chimoooo! Almost twenty thaaasand!”
But no matter what it costs, no matter what it takes, you’ll be here to cheer your favourite team

Because what is true love without sacrifice?
So Premier League lovers, what other emotions have you experienced since the World Cup ended? How excited are you for the next season? Rep your club!

Sade

August 2, 2018

Gist

Arsenal, Football, Liverpool, Manchester United, Nigeria, Nigerians, Premier league, premier league 2018, premier league season, Soccer, world cup
The world cup officially kicks off today! And yes, we are all excited.

Okay, maybe not all of us
So, I have predicted some things that have a 99.9% chance of happening almost throughout the season. Are you with me?

You can personally come for me if I’m wrong.
The first and most obvious thing is that your boyfriend will pay less attention to you. We’re sorry, it’s just in the football constitution.

Baby can’t you hear me? I am talking to you. Baby? Boo? Babe?
If you’re a twitter addict who doesn’t like football, on behalf of the entire twitter community, I apologise in advance.

*opens twitter* “Ronaldo will finish Neymar any day”, “all of you are mad, Messi will kill all of you” *closes twitter*
If you’re invited for Netflix and chill, abort mission! I repeat, abort!

See, Netflix and chill will become World Cup and chill. You can risk it if you want.
You finally reach out to google for help. Because if you know about the World Cup, he can’t ignore you anymore.

“Dear google, who is going to win the World Cup?”
Meanwhile, your man is suddenly realising it’s been 4 whole years since the last World Cup.

Wawu how did I survive without you baby? how?
But somehow he is already making noise about the next World Cup that is 1000 years away ?

Uncle at least watch this one first
Let’s not forget the main point of this season. People losing money to bets.

Yes I know, I’m a fool! ha who sent me work ooo
And the ones who will enjoy the money the guys above lost

Don’t mess with me, do you know who I am? Call me the bet king!
When the World Cup is finally over and somehow they remember you exist.

“Oh you can talk to me? I think you’re mad “

Eniola

June 14, 2018

General, Gist

Football, Nigeria, Russia, Soccer, world cup
1. So you can sit down and watch 20 guys run around and kick a ball for one hour, but watching Jenifa’s Diary with us is too much work?

2. So is this fantasy football thing like Predict and Win Money? because we are not understanding again oh

3. At least that one is better than that Football Manager game with those dots, who else almost booked deliverance from this game for their baes?

4. What even is an offside?

5. Is it not to just kick ball and go? Which one is aggregate score again? When it’s not further maths

6. Please oh, we are not the ones that said your team should allow flogging of 5-1, don’t take your anger out on us, please please

7. Lowkey, the only time we actually care about your team is when we steal your jerseys to flex with

Boyin Plumptre

March 8, 2017

Oldies

Football, Girls, Soccer
1. “Guy, the pad is slippery. Who used it last?”

If you didn’t eat so much, I wouldn’t be losing.

2. Chill, let’s restart. There was something in my eye when you scored that 5th goal.

No, it was sand not my tears.

3. It’s not my fault I lost, you were talking too much. It’s distracting na.

Your voice is too loud.

4. “Let me use that pad. You gave me the bad one, scammer”

The pad is hot even… You knew it was bad.

5. This seat isn’t comfortable. It’s giving me back pain.

So I must break my back over FIFA

6. “Is this FIFA 2020? I only play FIFA 2012”

Why are you bringing a different game for me?

7. “Put on the AC, how am I supposed to play in this heat. Am I a snake?”

Whether you want to cook hotdog in this heat. Fool.

8. I like Call of Duty even. You know i’m not a sports person

I only play shooting games, you know na.

Osaretin Tunde-Oni

December 9, 2016

Oldies

fifa, games, Soccer
When all your guys suddenly started betting and you were just looking at them like:

See your lives.
Then your account balance finally made you swallow your pride.

Hay God!
You, doing permutation and combination before placing your very first bet.

No time.
You, after your first straight bet clicked.

It has started.
You, adding “Data analytics and Forecast Expert” to your CV after your second bet clicked.

I sabi the work.
You and Live Score:

Your new bestfriend.
Whenever your first game spoils your slip.

CHAI!
Whenever you hear gist of people that used N100 to win 3 million.

Let’s hear word.
When you go and place 10 slips praying that at least one will enter.

Baba God, do it for your child.
You, watching all of them cast one by one.

Why me?
How you look at the team that still managed to mess up your double chance bet:

So useless.
When you finally place one high risk bet but you swear you’ve picked a winner.

This is my time.
You, wondering whether you should tell your guys or chill and chop alone.

Nah! Them no born me with anybody.
You, looking at your expected winnings when none of your games have casted.

My testimony is loading.
When your slip is remaining just one game.

God, hear me oh!
You, calculating what you will use all that money to buy.

I will ball sha.
When by half-time it’s still 1-1 and you put straight win.

What is this?
When you refresh Live Score and 86th minute nothing has changed.

My enemies want to shame me.
Then 93rd minute, your village witches allow the other team score.

I’m dead.
You swear you’ll never bet again, but Bet9ja and Nairabet are there looking at you like:

You’ll be back.

Daniel Orubo

May 20, 2016

Oldies

Ber, Bet9ja, Football, money, Nairabet, Online, Soccer

The most-beloved Premier League is back!

This is you as soon as the Premier League season ends

For the one month between the end of the World Cup and the start of the Premier League, this is how you look

You’ll just be playing FIFA anyhow and telling yourself that “at least it’s football.”

When you check the calendar

When you have to pay your family and friends attention because, nothing else to do.

That’s when you will discover your hidden talents.

This is you ordering your team’s new jersey even though you’ve been claiming broke to your family and girlfriend for weeks.

When one whole week of no football passes, then God blesses you with a few games.

But then you remember that you now have to pay for Cable regularly.

But no matter what it costs, no matter what it takes, you’ll be here to cheer your favourite team

So Premier League lovers, what other emotions have you experienced since the World Cup ended? How excited are you for the next season? Rep your club!

The world cup officially kicks off today! And yes, we are all excited.

So, I have predicted some things that have a 99.9% chance of happening almost throughout the season. Are you with me?

The first and most obvious thing is that your boyfriend will pay less attention to you. We’re sorry, it’s just in the football constitution.

If you’re a twitter addict who doesn’t like football, on behalf of the entire twitter community, I apologise in advance.

If you’re invited for Netflix and chill, abort mission! I repeat, abort!

You finally reach out to google for help. Because if you know about the World Cup, he can’t ignore you anymore.

Meanwhile, your man is suddenly realising it’s been 4 whole years since the last World Cup.

But somehow he is already making noise about the next World Cup that is 1000 years away ?

Let’s not forget the main point of this season. People losing money to bets.

And the ones who will enjoy the money the guys above lost

When the World Cup is finally over and somehow they remember you exist.

1. So you can sit down and watch 20 guys run around and kick a ball for one hour, but watching Jenifa’s Diary with us is too much work?

2. So is this fantasy football thing like Predict and Win Money? because we are not understanding again oh

3. At least that one is better than that Football Manager game with those dots, who else almost booked deliverance from this game for their baes?

4. What even is an offside?

5. Is it not to just kick ball and go? Which one is aggregate score again? When it’s not further maths

6. Please oh, we are not the ones that said your team should allow flogging of 5-1, don’t take your anger out on us, please please

7. Lowkey, the only time we actually care about your team is when we steal your jerseys to flex with

1. “Guy, the pad is slippery. Who used it last?”

2. Chill, let’s restart. There was something in my eye when you scored that 5th goal.

3. It’s not my fault I lost, you were talking too much. It’s distracting na.

4. “Let me use that pad. You gave me the bad one, scammer”

5. This seat isn’t comfortable. It’s giving me back pain.

6. “Is this FIFA 2020? I only play FIFA 2012”

7. “Put on the AC, how am I supposed to play in this heat. Am I a snake?”

8. I like Call of Duty even. You know i’m not a sports person

When all your guys suddenly started betting and you were just looking at them like:

Then your account balance finally made you swallow your pride.

You, doing permutation and combination before placing your very first bet.

You, after your first straight bet clicked.

You, adding “Data analytics and Forecast Expert” to your CV after your second bet clicked.

You and Live Score:

Whenever your first game spoils your slip.

Whenever you hear gist of people that used N100 to win 3 million.

When you go and place 10 slips praying that at least one will enter.

You, watching all of them cast one by one.

How you look at the team that still managed to mess up your double chance bet:

When you finally place one high risk bet but you swear you’ve picked a winner.

You, wondering whether you should tell your guys or chill and chop alone.

You, looking at your expected winnings when none of your games have casted.

When your slip is remaining just one game.

You, calculating what you will use all that money to buy.

When by half-time it’s still 1-1 and you put straight win.

When you refresh Live Score and 86th minute nothing has changed.

Then 93rd minute, your village witches allow the other team score.

You swear you’ll never bet again, but Bet9ja and Nairabet are there looking at you like: