Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To “, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc.) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the 2020 remake of the Nollywood movie, “Nneka the Pretty Serpent.”

Brooke Lynn Hytes wore this exact same outfit in the Drag Race season 11 finale for her lipsynch against Silky. If you don’t know what to do with that information, neither do I.

The makers of this iteration of “Nneka the Pretty Serpent” tried to solve the problem of the original movie (not having an actual plot) by giving a reason for Nneka’s murder spree. But due to the unintentionally hilarious execution and unnecessarily complex backstory, it doesn’t quite work and is confusing as hell.

The movie starts with little Nneka celebrating her birthday. While her father is fetching the cake, her mother tells her a story:

This is eventually revealed to be part of the movie’s backstory, which is fine. However, the story doesn’t have enough details and the writers never bother to explain more as the movie goes on. So this is where the confusion starts

Before Nnneka can even blow out her candles, a group of people that aren’t shown onscreen attack their home. Nneka’s parents seemingly know who the attackers are and help her escape through a back door. But she doesn’t run away immediately and stays back to watch the attackers murder her parents with a sword. As all this is happening, I can’t help but notice how similar this is to the 200 versions of Bruce & Martha Wayne’s death scene that DC has shown us over the years. I’m also super distracted by the child actor’s inability to properly look sad.

We then cut to a scene of a cult performing a ritual. After chanting some incantato, they set a coffin on fire and push it into the ocean. The movie’s title card pops up and we get a time jump. Nneka (Idia Aisien) is all grown up and fine as hell. She’s also broke as shit, living in a tiny apartment where her landlord hounds her everyday because she’s owing rent…

…and works as a waitress at a restaurant with a boss who hates her. In the boss’ defense, it’s established that Nneka is a pretty terrible employee so his hatred is justified. The only good thing Nneka has going for her is her friendship with her coworker named Ada (Bimbo Ademoye) and her short flirt sessions with one of the restaurant’s recurring patrons named Tony (Kenneth Okolie).

Nneka is plagued with visions and bad dreams about her parents getting killed in front of her. She has one of these visions in the restaurant one day and mistakenly throws a bowl of water at a patron, causing her boss to fire her. On her way home (which involves walking through a beach for some reason), she hears the ocean calling out to her, so she dives in and immediately gets possessed by a snake.

In a scene taken out of the movie, “The Terminator,” she returns to the shore butt-ass naked and walks up to a couple having a picnic, killing them both so she can take their clothes.

We never find out what happened to the clothes she was wearing when she jumped in.

When Nneka gets home, Queen Mother (played by the original Nneka the Pretty Serpent, Ndidi Obi) appears in a mirror and starts talking about how she used to be the queen of a kingdom until she was betrayed, had her powers stolen, killed, and cursed in death. Nneka is understandably freaked out and is like:

Queen Mother explains that she’s here to help Nneka get revenge against the people who killed her parents. She reveals that Nneka’s mother was a member of Queen Mother’s kingdom and that the people who killed her (the cult that we see pushing a burning coffin into the ocean in the opening scene) also killed Nneka’s parents. Nneka is about that revenge life so she agrees, working with Queen Mother to hunt down the members of the cult. But first, Nneka and Queen Mother link up in a spiritual realm that looks suspiciously like the ancestral plane from Black Panther.

The six members of the cult are now a business collective known as The Island Project. The first person Nneka goes after is man named Udoka (played by Larry Gaaga, whose music is littered all over the movie as soundtracks). She seduces him at a bar with the promise of car sex. When they get to the car, she grows fangs like a serpent (get it? lol) and kills him.

After killing Udoka, Nneka flees the scene with a duffle bag of full of dollars he had in his car. She uses it to level up, buying the restaurant she used to work out (firing her old boss) and starts a real estate business.

Obvious fake money is obvious.

The next member of the Island Project Nneka goes after is a woman named Fatima (Shaffy Bello). Nneka corners Fatima in a public bathroom and bashes her head in with the wall.

Nneka finds time inbetween her murderous rampage to chase man. She and Tony start getting closer until she finds wedding pictures starring him and another woman. She bails on him in the middle of their date and gets attacked by her former boss, who is furious that she bought the restaurant and fired him. Already pissed from the Tony thing, she promptly snaps his neck and keeps it moving.

Up next on the list is a man named Tega (Keppy Ekpenyong). Instead of using one of her powers, Nneka breaks into his house instead like a discount Black Widow and tries to kill him with her bare hands. Unknown to her, Tega has figured out the pattern of deaths and has spiritually fortified himself for what’s coming. What comes next is a poorly-lit fight scene where Tega beats the shit out of Nneka, throwing something in her face that gives her spiritual apollo.

Nneka runs away and goes after someone else on the list. A woman named Chinonye (Chioma Chukwuka). Nneka tracks her down to a night club and throws her from VIP down to regular.

Nneka goes after the fourth member of the Island Collective, a man named Alhaji Abdullahi (Sani Mu’azu). She poses as a flight attendant on his private jet and poisons his champagne.

She makes a second attempt on Tega’s life by disguising herself as a janitor at his office. When she makes sure he’s alone, she knocks him down and rips out his intestines.

Also this:

A detective (seriously played by Bovi) who’s been trying to track down the killer figures out that it’s Nneka and goes to her house by himself to confront her. She beats the living daylight out of him and kills him too. I don’t know why but this is the funniest fight scene I’ve ever seen.

Looks like Nneka went to The Vampire Diaries School of Killing People because what is with all this neck-snapping?

The last living member of the Island Collective is named Anthony (Zack Orji), a pastor Nneka later finds out is Tony’s father. He quit the cult years ago to join the church. She’s initially reluctant to kill him because of her love for Tony but eventually decides to do it. Pastor Anthony paralyses Nneka with church incense and casts the spirit of Queen Mother out of her.

Pastor Anthony reveals that Queen Mother has been deceiving Nneka this entire time, explaining that it was actually her that killed Nneka’s parents because she knew the next Queen Mother (Nneka) would come from their lineage, and she wasn’t ready to relinquish power. The members of the Island Project were really members of the kingdom but had nothing to do with Nneka’s parents’ deaths. All they did was kill Queen Mother so they could use her powers for themselves. Pastor Anthony then stabs himself in the stomach for no reason and dies.

A lot happens from here. Queen Mother slaps Nneka across the face multiple times when Nneka tries to confront her. She’s also fucking furious that Nneka didn’t kill Pastor Anthony herself because it means the power she wants back is still in his bloodline (i.e Tony). Queen Mother insists that Nneka kill Tony and Nneka says no. So to prove that she’s not fucking around, Queen Mother burns down Nneka’s restaurant with her best friend inside, threatening to kill everyone Nneka loves if she doesn’t do the needful. Nneka knocks Tony out and takes him to a beach to kill him but changes her mind after a struggle for control with Queen Mother, convincing him to stab her with a crucifix instead. She seemingly dies and while she’s in limbo (?), she sees her mother, who says:

Nneka is distraught that she’s killed so many people and will never get the chance to make things right because she’s now dead. The movie pulls a Harry Potter and explains that the crucifix killed only Queen Mother and that Nneka gets to keep living. Nneka wakes up to find Tony stressed out because he has no idea what the fuck is happening. She explains nothing to him and they go on to live happily ever after.

Ramsey Nouah shows up at the end as his character from “Living in Bondage 2,” Richard Williams, and is like:

2020’s “Nneka the Pretty Serpent” suffers from not having a well-fleshed backstory, leaving the viewers with not enough information to keep up with the chaotic plot. It’s a shame, really. Because under all that chaos is a movie that could’ve been really good.

RECOMMENDED: I Watched The Original ‘Nneka The Pretty Serpent’ Movie So You Don’t Have To

nneka the pretty serpent 2020

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I will be recapping the music video for Peter Okoye’s song, “Look Into My Eyes.”

If you’re wondering he’s serving Nneka the Pretty Serpent with his eyes, keep reading. You’re in for a treat.

Peter Okoye — who now hilariously goes by Mr P — is one half of the defunct music duo P-Square. He and his identical twin brother, Paul, burst onto the scene in 2003 and ran things (things didn’t run them) until 2017 when they had a fight and went their separate ways. In 2018, Peter released the video for a song titled “Look Into My Eyes,” proving his determination to carry on the family tradition of violently ripping off Michael Jackson.

The video starts with the following message:

If this seems familiar, it’s because it’s a slightly altered version of the message that’s displayed before the music video for Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

Peter and a group of backup dancers are shown standing in the middle of nowhere dressed in masks like discount Mortal Kombat characters.

They suddenly jump in the air with varying energy levels…

…and the title card flashes onscreen in the same font as the title card for the “Thriller” music video.

At this point, I’d prepared myself for a shot-for-shot remake.

The song starts and the video cuts to a white mansion with an insane number of water fountains all over the compound. The house looks super familiar so I pause the video to remember where I’ve seen it before. After a few seconds, it comes to me. It’s the same house that the extravagant all-white party in “Living In Bondage 2“ takes place. Check it:

If you think I’m yarning nonsense, go watch LIB 2 on Netflix and skip to the 40th-minute mark.

We’re introduced to the occupants of the house; Nollywood actor, Mike Ezuruonye, and his girlfriend, whose real name I don’t know because I couldn’t find it. She’s packing his clothes into a box because he’s going on a trip.

As Mike Ezuruonye and Baby Oku (that’s what I’m calling her from now on) are smooching over a half-packed box, Peter and his backup dancers show up at the house, and the gate just kinda opens by itself for them. This makes me feel bad for Mike Ezuruonye and Baby Oku because you just know they spent a shit ton of money on security for their mansion only to end up getting murdered by extras from the third “The Purge” movie.

They walk around the compound REALLY SLOWLY while peter sings the first verse. It’s at this point that I realise that the song has nothing to do with the video. Here’s the first verse and the chorus:

While Peter and the backup dancers are sightseeing around the compound, Mike Ezuruonye and Baby Oku finish packing and head downstairs. Mike Ezuruonye gets into the car, bids farewell to Baby Oku, and is driven off (through them) but somehow doesn’t see Peter and his backup dancers.

Peter and his backup dancers see that Baby Oku is home alone and they perform some Michael Jackson choreography in celebration.

They go into the house and head upstairs to where Baby Oku is. Then they’re suddenly outside again because it’s time for yet another dance break.

The Jackson family needs to sue at the point cause chile…

Baby Oku is on the phone with Mike Ezuruonye and is attempting to send him a sexy selfie when she notices Peter and the backup dancers for the first time.

Baby Oku tells Mike Ezuruonye to hurry back home because there are murderous backup dancers in the house, so he’s like:

Like every character in every horror movie ever, Baby Oku trips over her own feet and falls over. She gets up and locks herself in her big-ass closet thinking she’s safe but then Peter and the backup dancers teleport into the room. And it’s like, where has this ability been this entire time? Why did they spend all that time walking into the compound and into the house?

Anyway, Peter and his backup dancers reach to grab Baby Oku when it’s revealed that all this has been the nightmare of some random girl.

We find out that the girl is Peter’s girlfriend (lol wot??) and she says, “I JUST SAW YOUR EX-GIRLFRIENDS IN MY DREAM!” He assures her that it’s just a dream and he hugs her. Then this happens:

And the video ends, but not before we’re threatened with text on the screen that says, “To be continued.”

I just know Michael Jackson is stressed as hell wherever he is.

RECOMMENDED: I Watched The Music Video For P-Square’s “Senorita” So You Don’t Have To

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the lowkey horror short film that is Styl-Plus’ 2006 hit, “Iya Basira.”

For those who don’t know Styl Plus or those who didn’t my recap of the music video for their song, ‘Call My Name,’ Styl Plus is a Nigeria R&B/Pop group that burst onto the scene in the early 2000s with their hit single, ‘Olufunmi.‘ They were so hot at the time that all they had to do was stand on a stage and sing and people everywhere would violently cream their jeans. Even though they mostly sang love songs, their debut album, ‘Expressions.’ featured a track titled “Iya Basira.”

On the surface, ‘Iya Basira’ is a funny story about a woman who runs a buka with food so good, it brings all the boys to the yard and makes them go loco. But a deeper look at the storyline reveals that under all that comedy and light-heartedness is something sinister.

When you think about it well, Iya Basira is a horror movie.

— bebe babbitt (@grandpabbychuck) August 6, 2021

The video starts with all three members of Styl Plus eating in a buka. In the background, the sound of the buka’s other patrons trying to buy food can be heard. The sets in the video are hand-drawn, giving the entire video the look and feel of a comic book come to life. I’m not sure if this was an intentional design choice or if it was born out of a lack of funds. Either way, I love it because It adds to the video’s camp.

I just got into RuPaul’s Drag Race so I’ve been using the word “camp” every chance I get.

We’re introduced to the eponymous character. She’s shown cooking a shit ton of food by herself — she has no staff — and smiling, which implies that she actually enjoys cooking. In my opinion, this should’ve been the first red flag because no actual human enjoys cooking. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar and a dirty bitch who lives a fake life.

A random guy gets the story going by describing Iya Basira’s buka and how sweet her food is. He says a lot of people think she’s lacing her food with jazz but can’t stop (won’t stop) patronising her because her food is so damn good. Iya Basira is shown onscreen again, and this time, she has a look on her face that seemingly says:

The boys show up and sing the chorus in costumes that are random as hell.

People, people make una come o
Iya Basira e don jazz me o, ooo
Everybody help save me o
I no dey sabi chop ati my mother or my girlfriend’s place

Simply put:

Shiffi sings the first verse. He’s in a straitjacket, locked up in a padded cell, and is telling a policeman the story of how he ended up there. He says his problems started the day he went to visit his friend, Sunday. Sunday was high as shit that day but his younger brother was sober and offered to take Shiffi on a stroll. I assume they were already friendly because Shiffi goes with him and they end up at Iya Basira’s buka.

Only after eating four rounds of food did Shiffi realise that something was terribly wrong. It was too late, though. The damage had already been done.

In the second verse, Zeal says he’s also hooked on Iya Basira’s food, adding that he’s now so broke from eating there all the time that he has to steal from his roommate to fund his new addiction. Here’s a shot of Zeal going to steal from his roommate:

He talks about how he was supposed to take his girlfriend to Oceanview for her birthday but was jonesing so hard for Iya Basira’s amala that he drove past his girlfriend’s house and went to get some. It’s revealed at the end of the verse that he has also been committed to psychiatric care due to his addiction Iya Basira’s food.

The last verse is sung by Tunde and in it, he begs a police officer to go arrest Iya Basira because he believes she’s jazzing people with her vagina water. The policeman goes to interrogate Iya Basira and this is how the conversation goes:

As you’ve probably already guessed, he eats the food and falls under her spell. He says there’s no case and settles in to eat more food. Here’s a shot of Iya Basira giving him nyash while he smiles like a fucking doofus.

The people who hoped the policeman would end Iya Basira’s hold on them (and their bank accounts) are like:

That’s how the song ends, you guys, with even more people waiting to buy Iya Basira’s food…

….and Iya Basira letting the boys know that she fucking owns them now and there’s nothing they can do about it.

It’s never made clear if it’s by magic or science but it’s clear that Iya Basira has figured out mind control. Sure, her aspirations are small right now — she just wants her buka business to do well. But judging by that shot of more people buying her food, it’s only a matter of time before she starts to think big. And when she does:

RECOMMENDED: I Watched The Music Video For Styl Plus’ “Call My Name” So You Don’t Have To

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the 2019 Christian romantic comedy, ‘2 Weeks In Lagos.’

Contrary to what this poster says, the love story in this movie is not original, in any way.

‘2 Weeks In Lagos’ starts with Keme (Mawuli Gavor) returning from America with his friend, Charlie. They’re both investment bankers who work on Wall Street and are back to invest in Nigerian businesses.

Sure. That sounds realistic.

Charlie takes Keme to meet his family. As they’re there, about to eat Charlie’s mother’s meat pie (LMAO), Charlie’s sister, Lola (Beverly Naya), walks in. Lola is fine as hell so Keme is immediately sprung.

Keme’s attraction to Lola is clear to everyone in the room, except Lola herself. The next day, while she and her mother are in their garden trimming imaginary shrubs, her mother gives her some advice.

Lola says she’s not looking for a relationship because she wants to focus on God and her career. What follows is a series of scenes meant to let the viewers know that Keme and Lola are good people and super Christians. In one scene, Keme buys a N100 pack of plantain chips in traffic (which he doesn’t even want) and leaves the N900 change for the hawker. Lola goes to get a dress from her tailor when they see a man beating his little daughter because he believes she’s a witch and the cause of all his misfortunes in life.

Read my recap of the movie, End of the Wicked and you’ll understand why.

Lola’s tailor stops the man and takes the little girl to go live with her. The tailor is poor as hell and can’t possibly add another mouth to feed so Lola gives her money. Then there’s a scene where we see Keme and Lola reading Open Heavens Daily Devotional in their homes.

Keme comes over for dinner a few days later and Lola’s mom goes into full matchmaking mode.

Keme and Lola run into each other at a Frozen Yoghurt shop and hang out for a bit. Before they go their separate ways, he asks her out on a date, and even though she’d previously said that she only had time for work and Jesus, she agrees. Things fall apart when Keme finds out that his parents want him to marry the daughter of his father’s political running mate.

Keme respectfully tells his parents that this isn’t the 15th century and they must be mad if they think he’s going to get into an arranged marriage with some hussy they picked out. He says he’s capable of finding a beautiful Christian wife by himself and storms off.

There’s a montage of Keme and Lola going on dates and it makes me realise that the two lead actors have no chemistry whatsoever. Here’s a screenshot of them having a romantic picnic in the park but unintentionally looking like colleagues at a work retreat going through slides for a presentation.

After dating for only two weeks, Keme is like:

And Lola is like:

The fact that this happens just as they’re leaving church makes this even funnier.

Keme invites Lola to meet his parents for the first time at his father’s 60th birthday party. Unbeknown to him, his father has planned to announce the union of his son and the daughter of his political running mate at this same party. The announcement is made and Lola is heartbroken. It gets funnier when Keme’s mother calls her a whore and has security take her off the premises. Keme insists that he’s not marrying the girl they want him to so his mother takes matters into her own hands by HAVING LOLA KIDNAPPED AND TORTURED!

In some stupid way that I don’t have the energy to explain, Lola is found by Keme and it’s revealed that Keme’s parents were behind the kidnap. Keme threatens to ruin his father political ambitions by reporting them to the police and his father promptly points out that he’s a corrupt Nigerian politician who can pay his way out of anything. Lola’s mother shows up to fight Keme’s mother.

For those who don’t know, Shaffy Bello was the female vocalist in Seyi Sodimu’s 1997 hit song, ‘Love Me Jeje.’

Keme tells his mother to stop acting like a fucking Bond villain. Then he says this out of nowhere:

And that’s how the movie ends. Apologies flow around and both families come together in Lola’s hospital room to hug things out.

if it seems like nothing happened in this movie, it’s because nothing did. 80% of ‘2 Weeks In Lagos’ is comprised of filler scenes. The writing and acting are atrocious. NONE of the characters act or talk like real people. And I haven’t seen worse chemistry between two romantic leads since Fifty Shades of Grey. Then there’s the religious stuff they kept forcing into the plot. See, this movie isn’t terrible in a “so bad, it’s good” way, it’s just plain bad, which is the worst kind of bad anything can be. Save yourself (and your data) and skip this.

RECOMMENDED: I Watched The Nollywood Movie ‘Day Of Destiny’ So You Don’t Have To

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I will be recapping the 2021 Nollywood adventure movie, ‘Day of Destiny.‘

The movie starts in the year 2020. Bankole and Ifeoma (played by Norbert Young and Iretiola Doyle respectively) are a married couple telling their daughter, Helena, the story of the first time they met 20 years prior at a Democracy day party. This meet-cute is shown to the viewers in a flashback and the characters are played by younger actors.

Even though this flashback takes place in the year 2000, nothing in the scene — costumes or decor — reflects that. Well, young Ifeoma is wearing an afro wig so I guess that counts (?)

“This scene takes place in the past? Throw an afro wig on the female character’s head and keep it moving.” – this movie’s costume designer.

The story is interrupted and it’s revealed that the family is moving out of their house because they’re now poor as shit. The reason for their recent poverty is conveniently shown on their living room TV. I say “conveniently” because the TV legit just turns on by itself, shows a breaking news broadcast, and goes off.

Bankole and Ifeoma are university professors who, along with 45 of their colleagues, have been fired by the governor of Lagos State, Coker Adeniran, for reasons that are never made clear. The movie really wants you to know that Governor Coker is a piece of shit human being and uses this news broadcast to hammer that point.

Not only is Coker in the news for firing 47 lecturers and sexual harassment allegations (peep the headline at the bottom of the screen), it’s also announced that he’s also being interrogated by EFCC for corruption charges. LMAO!

In the next scene, we’re properly introduced to Bankole and Ifeoma’s teenage sons, Chidi (Olumide Oworu) and Rotimi (Denola Grey). Chidi is stubborn and is the family black sheep, while Rotimi is a nerd. You can tell Rotimi is a nerd because he’s wearing a sweater, uses reading glasses, and has asthma.

While loading boxes into the moving truck, Chidi and Rotimi find out that their parents used to be friends with Governor Coker when they discover an old picture of him and their parents at the independence day party from the opening scene. When they’re done packing and are driving to their new house, Chidi asks their parents how they ended up being broke lecturers if they used to be friends with a man who went on to be a governor. Their parents are understandably pissed and a small argument starts. In the middle of this, Chidi reveals that he has dropped out of law school to study music, causing their father to almost crash the car in shock.

They don’t actually hit anything but the car is somehow damaged and they now need a mechanic. After whooping Chidi’s ass…

…but before sending Chidi and Rotimi off to find a mechanic, their mother reveals the reason their father and Governor Coker’s friendship died: Governor Coker wanted their father to do some shady political shit back in the day but their dad said no.

But Chidi is like:

Chidi and Rotimi ask a passerby for directions to the nearest mechanic and he points them to a giant Amityville Horror-looking house. Rotimi is like:

Rotimi would be great at “So You Don’t Have To.”

But Chidi is like:

It becomes more apparent when they walk in that this isn’t a mechanic’s shop but some kind of shrine. They meet the shrine’s occupant, a man named Babayaro (Broda Shaggi).

Babayaro tells them that he can change their destiny and Chidi decides to change their family’s destiny so they won’t be poor anymore. Rotimi is against this and just wants to leave but Chidi is stubborn as hell and gives Babayaro N5000 to start the spell. Babayaro casts the spell and tosses them into a CGI cave-like thing that I believe is supposed to be the space-time continuum.

All the people at Industrial Light & Magic were found dead.

Chidi and Rotimi land in the same spot 20 years in the past, causing the man who was in charge of the shrine at the time to hilariously die of a heart attack due to the shock of not knowing what the fuck is going on.

The boys don’t know they’ve time-travelled at this point so they run out of the building. Something is off but they can’t yet tell because they’re still disoriented.

Obvious CGI garden is obvious.

After running as far away from the shrine as they can, the boys end up at a bar/video club and eventually figure out that they’re in the year 2000 when Chidi notices the date in a newspaper. Chidi points out that the day they’re in is the 29th of May 2000 i.e the day their parents met for the first time at the party that their father turned down the shady offer from Governor (then aspiring politician) Coker. He suggests that they go to the party and convince their father to take the deal. They get to the venue of the party with the help of a cab driver named Captain C (Toyin Abraham).

The boys find out that the deal their father turned down was an offer to become Coker’s uncle’s personal lawyer, which would’ve involved hella shady dealings. Chidi notices that their father is still sceptical about the offer so he goes up to his father (claiming to be someone named Adekunle Gold) and is like:

Patting themselves on the back for a job well done, they return to the white house so Babayaro can send them back. They meet a Babayaro who is 20 years younger and inexperienced because his father, Babayaro Snr (the old man who died of a heart attack when the boys first landed in the year 2000), never finished training him in the mystic arts.

They convince him to send them back to 2020 by giving him a cellphone (without the charger so you know it’s going to die at some point) and instructing him on how to go about it based on what they saw future Babayaro do. After a series of comically disastrous tries, it works and they crash land in what looks like a teenage girl’s bedroom in 2020. They think it’s their sister’s room but then, a set of twin girls they don’t know come out of the bathroom and start screaming:

They run into their father on their way out and are relieved to see him but he has no idea who they are. They find out, via the internet, that they’ve inadvertently created an alternate 2020 timeline, in which they don’t exist because their father accepted the shady job offer and never married their mother. They were never born. The resulting fear from their precarious predicament causes the boys to hurl insults at each other.

And then they engage in an unintentionally hilarious fight.

What is going? LMAO

A fight that ends with Rotimi almost dying of an asthma attack.

In an attempt to fix things, they find Babayaro and he informs them that because they were never born in this timeline, they have only a few hours before they fade away from existence. He tells them that no one can change their destiny twice and that the only way to fix things is to find someone else who wants to change their destiny and hijack their spell. So they go find their mother.

In this timeline, their mother is an activist who spends her time protesting against corrupt politicians. She wears a beret everywhere because the movie’s costume designer heard the word “activist” and immediately dressed Iretiola Doyle up as Che Guevara.

She also never married and adopted a baby girl named Helen, who, for some reason, is played by the actress who plays Helena in the original timeline. Their relationship is fucking awful.

Helen storms out of the house after a fight with Activist Ifeoma and is approached by the boys who try to convince her to help them. She initially isn’t interested in hearing about time travel and alternate timelines but stops to listen after Rotimi shows her a picture of the family on his phone. She agrees to help them because “this seems better than going back home to fight with my mom.” And I’m just like, what if the picture was photoshopped and these are kidnappers???

They return to Babayaro, who sends them back to the year 2000, telling them to just let things play out normally so the original timeline can be restored.

So they appear at the party. Chidi is frantic now because Rotimi is starting to fade but Helen doesn’t give a shit, which is wild, seeing as she just discovered time travel for the first time.

Young Ifeoma is sexually harassed by Coker’s creepy uncle (Jide Kosoko) when she goes to collect the donation he promised her for the orphanage she runs. Rotimi starts to lose colour so Chidi decides to speed up events. He gets Young Bankole to go outside while Helen goes to get young Ifeoma. Helen finds Young Ifeoma crying because of her experience with Coker’s uncle and convinces her to go fuck him for being a creep.

A lot happens from here. Chidi convinces Young Bankole to turn down the offer. Young Bankole and Young Ifeoma meet and everything goes as planned. Babayaro sends the boys back to 2020 and the timeline is restored. Except that now, original timeline Helena remembers everything that happened in the other timeline. How? No one knows. Look, this movie stressed me out. I’m done.

Recommended: I Watched The Nollywood Movie, ‘Witches,’ So You Don’t Have To

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the Nollywood movie, Witches.

Zack Orji and Liz Benson: The dream sugar daddy and sugar mummy combo.

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The movie starts at the meeting of a witch coven. A little girl named Princess is laid out on a mat and looks weirdly chill for someone who is surrounded by fire, water, and giant owambe pots she can fit in if the witches decide to cook her.

Before we go on, we need to discuss the witches at this meeting. You can tell that they’re fashionable but broke as hell because they’re rocking potato sack dresses and the cheapest wigs I have ever seen. Here are the witches we’re shown on screen.

Emeka Ani looks like he’s wondering what turn his career took that led to him dressed in a potato sack maternity gown, pearl necklace, and a Diana Ross wig.

As the witches are sashaying about and chanting nonsensical spells, Princess stands up and looks around at all of them like:

From the conversation that takes place, I gather that this Princess is the daughter of one of the coven’s members named Agnes, and she’s being prepared to become the coven’s weapon of mass destruction in their fight against God/heaven. They offer her something to drink in a calabash and she’s like…

…before drinking it and realising that she’s been scammed.

When they’re done with the ritual, Agnes takes Princess into the world to go cause commotion. Their first victim is a guy who Agnes intentionally annoys so she can fuck him up. She parks in front of his gate, preventing him from driving in. When the guy yells at her to move, she says:

And proceeds to do just that. When the guy goes into his house, he’s flogged to death by a floating koboko.

In the next scene, some other child that lives in the same compound as Agnes hits Princess too hard during playtime. Princess vexes and turns the child into a chicken.

Agnes is going about her regular life one day when she runs into a friend. After exchanging pleasantries with the friend, she somehow gets run over by TWO CARS and ONE BUS in the most implausible and chaotic accident scene in the history of film. Check it:

This makes me die laughing because how are you a witch who ends up getting killed in a car accident??

The witches get together to mourn Agnes’ death and transfer all her powers to Princess. Twenty years pass and Princess is now an adult who owns her own boutique. As she’s at work one day, a man named Desmond walks in. It’s established that they’re old friends who haven’t seen each other in a long time. Out of nowhere, Desmond asks Princess to marry him. This is insane for three reasons:

• They hadn’t seen each other in years.
• There was no mention of them ever being romantically involved at any point in their past.
• Desmond had no idea he was going to run into her that day. He didn’t know she owned the boutique.

Princess actually considers the proposal because it turns out she has feelings for him. She informs the coven during the next meeting about her plans to say yes to Desmond but they all laugh in her face, telling her this:

Princess gets upset and storms out of the coven’s meeting place, which is unintentionally hilarious because they’re in the middle of the bush. She abandons the coven and marries Desmond, an act that pisses the witches of so much, they steal her ovaries to ensure she never conceives a child.

After two years of marriage and no baby, Desmond’s mother takes matters into her own hands. She goes to a Babalawo to find out why Princess’ womb is giving what it’s supposed to give. The Babalawo reveals that Princess’ womb isn’t cooperating because of her ties to the coven. She tells Desmond what the Babalawo told her and when Desmond doesn’t believe her, she concludes that Princess must be using juju on him.

Desmond and Princess later decide to try adoption. The coven, who are still on a mission to ruin Princess’ life, get wind of the adoption plans and swing into action, They conjure a baby out of thin air and drop it at a garbage dump site.

A reverend sister finds the child and takes it to an orphanage lazily named MOTHERLESS BABIES HOME.

Desmond and Princess come to this orphanage and end up adopting the demon baby. Things are peachy for a while until the baby starts falling sick every two days, stressing Desmond and Princess out. Meanwhile, the witches have decided that on the yearly anniversary of Agnes’ death, a fatal accident will happen on the very spot she died. Here’s one of the accidents:

That’s right. A bus full of people was thrown off the road by a giant, flying cat.

For the next thirty minutes of the movie, nothing important to the story happens. It’s just a long montage of the coven members killing people who have nothing to do with the movie’s main storyline. There’s a scene where Desmond and Princess’ adopted demon baby turns into this in the middle of the night…

…and fucks up the engine of their car.

That’s it. That’s all he does.

Desmond decides that it’s time to get a pastor involved so they call one who, of course, ends up being played by Patrick Doyle. The pastor knows demonic treachery is afoot but can’t put his finger on it until the baby changes into a rat right in front of him. The pastor is like:

Desmond and Princess don’t see the brief transformation though, so he tells them to secretly watch the baby at midnight to see what happens. They catch the baby mid-transformation and take him to the pastor for a hot deliverance session. During the prayer, the baby transforms into the different members of the coven.

The baby dies, along with the entire coven.

Recommended: I Watched The Nollywood Movie, ‘Oganigwe,’ So You Don’t Have To

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I will be recapping the 1999 Nollywood movie, ‘Oganigwe.’

Somebody needs to get this lady on the TV show, Botched, because chile…

All you need to know before we begin is that this movie is a Cinderella story on steroids.

Oganigwe is a Nollywood epic, which means all the actresses in it are dressed in Ankara tube top and mini skirt combos. The movie starts with a girl carrying an insanely enormous bundle of firewood on her head. We learn two things in this first scene.

• The freakishly strong girl’s name is Olamma
• And her stepmother is a huge bitch.

We know her stepmother is a huge bitch because she runs in from the side of the screen like a WWE wrestler and tackles Olamma to the ground. She then literally adds insult to injury by yelling at Olamma for not returning on time from fetching firewood to string her beads. That’s not a euphemism for some hilarious sexual act. She really does want Olamma to string some beads. She then lists a shit ton of chores for Olamma to do.

Olamma is crying the entire time but also looks like she’s thinking:

Olamma’s life is shit. When she was a child, her father married a second wife, a woman so openly evil, she might as well have been a Disney villain. He had two children with his second wife, Ada and Ikem (remember these names). The second wife killed Olamma’s mother out of jealousy and Olamma’s father died not long after, leaving Olamma at the mercy of her evil stepmother.

Ikem is the only one in the family who is nice to Olamma but is very creepy about it. He walks over to Olamma as she’s doing her chores and says:

But he’s a child and Olamma doesn’t want to be mean so she’s just like:

We’re introduced to the village’s royal family. They’re hanging out in their palace (a blinged-out hut) demanding to know why the prince hasn’t chosen a bride, even though there was a maiden dance recently where all the girls in the village twerked around the market square so he could pick one to marry. The prince says he fancied none of them so the king organises another dance so the prince has another chance to pick.

Even though Olamma isn’t allowed to attend the dance because her stepmother has her up to her tits in chores, she sneaks to the market square to watch. Ada has almost gotten the prince’s attention with her sick dance skills…

…when the prince spots Olamma in the crowd and demands that she dance for him.

Olamma impresses the prince and he picks her to be his bride.

Olamma’s stepmother is distraught that the prince didn’t choose Ada. She plots with her secret lover and member of the king’s court, Obasi, to spread the rumour that Olamma used juju on the prince. Obasi somehow sets Olamma up to be caught in a compromising position with one of the palace guards so the king will have her executed. This almost works but the prince begs to spare her life. He says he believes that his wife was set up but asks that she prove her innocence to the king and the royal court by swearing by Oganigwe, the god of the village. Obasi tries to object but the prince is like:

Olamma goes to swear an oath at the shrine of Oganigwe the next day but stops at the last minute because the chief priest twists the words of the oath to get her to agree to something she didn’t do. It’s revealed that Obasi went to see the priest the day before to get him to screw her over. The chief priest decides that Olamma’s hesitation is a sign of guilt and banishes her from the village. The prince has no choice but to accept the decision.

Olamma wanders around the forest for THREE WEEKS before she encounters a guy who’s about to commit suicide because he’s a chronic onigbese. She convinces him not to hang himself and he takes her to his village to live with him and his family. Not long after, the guy’s son mysteriously dies. The guy decides that it’s Olamma’s bad luck that has brought death to his family so he kicks her OUT OF THE VILLAGE.

Meanwhile, the prince has married Ada due to family pressure and it’s clear that he doesn’t give a shit about her.

From this point, things get super chaotic. Ada tries to use juju to get the prince to like her but it backfires and he slaps the shit out of her. Ikem is murdered for some reason. Olamma settles in another village and moves in with a kind family but is kicked out after a member of the family mysteriously dies. After seeing this happen two times in a row, Olamma is convinced that she may indeed be bad vibes and leaves to wander the forest by herself again.

After being quiet for years, Oganigwe finally decides to do right by Olamma by punishing all the people who did her dirty. For being a wicked bitch, he gives Olamma’s stepmother the worst boob job I’ve ever seen.

Then he punishes Obasi by enlarging his penis.

A lot of men would kill for this tbh.

There’s an unintentionally hilarious scene where Olanna’s stepmother is brought to the palace with her giant boobs on an equally giant wooden tray.

Both Obasi and Olamma’s stepmother confess and somebody guesses that the only way to stop Oganigwe’s wrath from wrecking the entire village is to bring Olamma back. The prince goes into the forest and finds her super fast, which makes me wonder just how small the forest is.

RECOMMENDED: I Watched The Nollywood Movie, “The President’s Daughter,” So You Don’t Have To

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Ladies and gentlemen, we’re six months into 2021 and I have no idea where the time went or what exactly I spent it doing. Friends and family say I’ve been walking around and functioning so my guess is that I dissociated one time just to see how it felt, enjoyed it, and then made it my default, leading to me being on autopilot the entire time.

10/10. Would definitely recommend. Unless you enjoy raw-dogging life, in which case, you can keep experiencing reality as it is or whatever.

Anyway, I’m here today to put together a list of the 5 most-read entries in the SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO series. Because I worked hard on them (family and friends told me this) and would very much like you to read them again. Or you could just share them with other people you think would enjoy this. That also works. Because if you don’t share:

1) I Watched The Nollywood Movie, “Highway To The Grave,” So You Don’t Have To

What do you get when you throw self-proclaimed witch hunter; Helen Ukpabio, prolific director; Teco Benson, and goddess of beauty; Regina Askia into an idea pot? You get “Highway To The Grave,” a movie about a beautiful witch who goes about destroying the lives of men unlucky enough to eat her snail. I’ll never know why the honorary Winchester sister, Helen Ukpabio, decided that the world needed this movie (when there are dozens of others like it), but her decision gave us another chance to gaze upon Regina Askia’s beauty so I can’t complain.

Click here to read my recap of “Highway to the Grave”.

2) I Watched The Music Video For P-Square’s “Senorita” So You Don’t Have To

To quote the iconic Saturday Night Live character, Stefon, the 5 minute and 28-second music video for “Senorita” has everything:

• A love triangle.
• Insane early 2000s fashion.
• A dance break in the middle of the street.
• A weird celebrity cameo you won’t see coming.
• A grass to grace story with details shrouded in mystery.
• A beautiful, gold-digging young woman named Vivian.
• A poorly-filmed accident scene that’ll have you screaming, “How the fuck did that happen?!”

Click here to read my recap of “Senorita.”

3) I Watched The Nollywood Movie, “White Hunters,” So You Don’t Have To

Contrary to what the name will have you believe, White Hunters is not about women hunting white men for sport in a Hunger Games-style arena. It’s a Nollywood franchise consisting of FOUR MOVIES about a group of women who have decided to exclusively date white men as a way to lift themselves out of poverty and elevate their status in society. The movies chronicles all the insane things these women do just to bag rich white niggas.

Click here to read my recap of “White Hunters.”

4) I Watched The Music Video For Daddy Showkey’s “Dyna” So You Don’t Have To

The plot is straightforward and cliché. It’s about a woman stripperly named Dyna and chronicles all the shit she puts up with trying to get pregnant. The unintentional comedy here comes from the way the events play out in the music video.

Click here to read my recap of “Dyna.”

5) I Watched The Christian Movie, “War Room” So You Don’t Have To

My heart swelled with anger as I watched ‘War Room’ for the first time back in 2016. Not just because I’d been catfished by the title — I assumed it was about a family trapped in a war-torn country but it’s really about a woman convinced by Christianity that her husband’s shortcomings are kinda her fault — but because it was problematic as hell and just plain bad. I had forgotten all about it until that whole Derrick Jaxn cheating scandal happened.

Click here to read my recap of “War Room.”

Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the BBNaija Lockdown reunion episode featuring Ka3na’s bizarre friendship demands and the Lucy and Kaisha fight.

As the episode starts, we see that the lineup has changed again and that everyone has had an outfit change. Ebuka says this episode will address all the drama that’s happened since they left the house. He calls on Ka3na, saying that post-BBN drama can’t be discussed without her. At this point, I’m thinking it’s going to be a short segment for her because she was only in the house for two weeks and can’t have that much beef.

Wrong.

Ebuka reveals that Ka3na unfollowed all of the housemates on social media except for Prince, Dorathy, and Kiddwaya. When Ebuka asks to know why, Ka3na says it’s because those three are the only people she bonded with during her short stay in the house, and who didn’t say shit about her when she was evicted. Tolanibaj announces that the reason she suspects Ka3na unfollowed all the other housemates is because they attended Nengi’s birthday party. Ka3na tries to deny this but Praise jumps in to say that Ka3na’s problem is that she lives by the Inherited Beef code.

Ka3na agrees and defends herself by saying:

Even though I already know what a frenemy is, I look it up anyway because I suspect she used it wrong.

I was right.

Ka3na says she needs to able to comfortably confide in her friends, so she can’t be friends with you if you’re friends with someone she hates. She lets everyone know that she doesn’t have a lot of friends because of this and that she’s a mother and businesswoman. Because that’s her entire personality at this point.

No one:

Ka3na: "I'M A BOSS LADY! I HAVE A BUSINESS!! I HAVE A CHILD!!! RESPOND TO ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!!!"

— bebe babbitt (@grandpabbychuck) June 24, 2021

The last line of this tweet will make sense in a bit.

Wathoni joins in and says that the reason she believes Ka3na went on an unfollowing spree is that the other housemates weren’t replying to her comments on their posts. Ka3na claims this isn’t true but in the same breath, says she unfollowed Laycon because he wasn’t liking the congratulatory comments she left on his posts when he won. Laycon is like:

Laycon apologises to her sha.

Ebuka asks Ka3na about her close friendship with Lucy. Ka3na explains that she and Lucy were best friends in the house but things went sour a few weeks after Lucy got evicted. When Ebuka asks her what exactly killed the friendship, Ka3na says what she and Lucy had was more than friendship. Then adds this:

Lucy is like:

Amidst tears, Ka3na expresses that she wanted a commitment and loyalty from Lucy. Lucy is understandably perplexed and screams:

And Ka3na is like:

Lucy demands to know why Ka3na is demanding commitment from her like they’re a romantic couple. Ka3na insists that this is about platonic friendship and that a lack of communication from Lucy’s end is why the friendship ended. Lucy recounts the story of how she woke up one day to find out that Ka3na had unfollowed her for no reason. As Lucy is talking, Vee is seated next to her with a look that clearly says:

After trying (and failing) to explain her point to everyone, Ka3na walks off the set to have a mini-breakdown.

She returns a few minutes later to continue the argument. Even though she said earlier that her being upset with Lucy had nothing to do with Lucy’s friendship with anyone, she admits that it’s because Lucy became friends with Nengi again — after Lucy and Negi fought in the house — and didn’t tell her. Here’s what I imagine the other housemates were thinking during all this:

The argument ends without a resolution. Ebuka shifts the episode’s proceedings to the convoluted beef involving Kaisha and Ka3na. From what I gather, they were at a post-BBN party that also had Kaisha’s sister and mother in attendance. Kaisha’s mother wanted to take a picture with Ka3na so Ka3na asked Kaisha’s mother to come over to where she was sitting to take the pictures. Kaisha saw this as disrespect and, in retaliation, angrily flicked Ka3na’s forehead in front of everyone. After arguing for a while, Kaisha decides that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, warning everyone to keep her mother’s name out of their mouths. Lucy mentions Kaisha’s mother a few seconds later and Kaisha hurls a throw pillow at her because of it. Lucy immediately goes into she-hulk mode and whoops Kaisha’s ass. The episode cuts to commercial just before the first slap lands but pictures of the fight leaked.

Gaze upon Miss Lucy in all her glory:

These photos need to be framed and put up in the Louvre because baby, THIS IS ART!

The episode ends with a 10-minute long screaming match between Ka3na and Tochi. Tochi tries to let Ka3na know that cutting people off for random reasons like Edward Scissorhands isn’t a good way for a human to live. Ka3na refuses to hear word and claims that Tochi is just bitter because he’s craving the social media clout their old interactions on the timeline gave him. This is how the argument ends:

Read the rest of our BBNaija Lockdown reunion recaps here.

Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To “, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc.) and recap them for your pleasure.

Today, I’ll be recapping the Nollywood movie, “The President’s Daughter.”

If you’re wondering if it’s intentional that I’m recapping the fourth Regina Askia movie in the “So You Don’t Have To” series, the answer is yes. Yes, it is. Why? Because she’s fine as hell and I’m obsessed with her. Now that we’ve addressed that:

The movie starts with Vanessa, the president’s daughter (played by the goddess Regina Askia) returning to Nigeria from America. She’s dressed like every old Nollywood bad girl you’ve ever seen: scantily clad in a bandana tube top, chunky jewellery, unreasonably long acrylic nails, and a wig that looks like it was stolen from Halle Berry’s trailer on the set of X-Men (2000).

Vanessa has returned to Nigeria because she’s was kicked out of medical school for “drug abuse and reckless lifestyle,” according to her parents. Vanessa’s mother is weirdly chill about her daughter being a drug addict and her father is bothered but for the wrong reason.

As Vanessa returns home from the airport, her parents call her into the living room to have a talk with her. The way she walks in is truly the funniest caricature of an IJGB I’ve ever seen.

This entire movie is just Regina Askia doing her best impression of Hanks Anuku in every movie he’s ever been in and I’m living for it.

Vanessa’s father says that as punishment for being thrown out of school abroad, she has to attend Unilag to complete her education. Vanessa laments like attending a Nigerian school is the worst possible thing that could happen to her. And honestly, I feel her pain because have you been to a Nigerian university lately? As a way to ensure she doesn’t get in trouble, her father orders one of his bodyguards named Roger to be with her at all times. Right in front of her father, Vanessa sexually propositions Roger.

When Vanessa finds out that she’ll have to spend four years in Unilag, she’s like:

And the Vice Chancellor is like:

Meanwhile, Vanessa hasn’t had any cocaine since she’s been back in Nigeria because Roger the bodyguard follows her everywhere. While at a bar one night, she plots with her friend, Achika (Susan Patrick), to distract Roger so she can go eat a few handfuls of drugs with some random guy in the bathroom of the bar.

The plan works and Vanessa is able to inhale some coke before Roger finds her and takes her home. What comes next is this iconic scene:

It’s salary week, which means this will be me soon. pic.twitter.com/8N2YFvg3AU

— Desmond (@vincentdesmond_) March 24, 2021

I’d always wondered what the point of this scene was and it turns out there isn’t one. Vanessa walks in with Achika, tells the store attendant to “charrap,” and demands that everyone else in the store leave so she can shop. She then buys three of the exact same top…

…and pays with a shit ton of cash, a jarring reminder that in the year this movie was made, online banking in Nigeria wasn’t a thing yet.

Vanessa is jonesing for some coke again so she and Achika escape from Roger under the guise of going to rent video tapes.

They go see a drug dealer who carries around a giant cross for some reason.

As they’re all snorting lumps of cocaine in unison…

…random gunmen burst in and shoot the cross-wielding guy in the face. As the gunmen are about to shoot Vanessa and Achika, Roger rushes in and kills them both. He then takes the girls home.

Vanessa, Achika, and a few gentlemen friends of theirs go to a club the very next night. After an exhausting 15-minute dance montage set to Jennifer Lopez’ “If You Had My Love,” they all go outside to do cocaine. As they’re all hitting cloud nine, they get caught by the police.

They get arrested and the news is splashed all over newspapers the next day.

This is killing me because you can tell this “newspaper” was made in Microsoft word and printed out with no colour.

At the police station, Vanessa bitches about being the president’s daughter and hurls threats at the police men.

But their oga is like:

This line delivery is so unintentionally funny that one of the actors present in the scene looks straight into the camera and almost breaks character:

Vanessa thinks her father will pull strings to get her out but is shocked as hell when he lets the case go to court.

Vanessa’s drug scandal jeopardises her father’s plans to get re-elected as president. In a fit of rage, he blames his wife for how Vanessa has turned out, but his wife refuses to take shit and reads him for filth.

“YASSSSSS! UP FEMCO!!!!” – Me, while watching this scene.

Vanessa’s father has to choose between pulling strings to get her released OR letting the law run its course so the people’s faith in him can be restored. He chooses the former, leading to Vanessa getting sentenced to fifteen years imprisonment. His plan works and he wins the re-election.

I’m not even kidding that’s where the movie ends. This is truly the most chaotic Nollywood movie I have ever seen.