secondary school | Page 6 of 8 | Zikoko!

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secondary school | Page 6 of 8 | Zikoko!

13 Things About Day Students That Annoyed Every Boarder

1. When you ask them to help you buy contraband and they start forming.

It’s not your fault sha.
2. How you see the students that charge boarders to help them buy stuff outside:

These ones will use to buy house.
3. When you can hear day students gisting about Paloma and Diego in class.

Because you have TV abi?
4. When day students bring cold water to school and start forming stingy for you.

On top cold water sha?
5. How day students look in the middle of the term vs. How you look in the middle of the term:

It’s dining hall food that is causing it.
6. Your face, when day students start asking you for hostel gist:

Face your front, biko.
7. How you look at day students when they bring their phones to showoff:

See that one.
8. You, watching day students eat the food they brought from home.

Chai! See chow.
9. When day students are talking about their weekend plans and you’re just there like:

Me that will be washing boxers.
10. How you spend your money vs. How day students spend their money:

The worst.
11. How you look at day students that wear all the clothes they have at home for socials:

Calm down na.
12. When a day student tries to form familiar with you and your guys.

BE GOING TO YOUR HOUSE OH!
13. You, watching day students leave school at closing time:

It can pain sometimes sha.

Daniel Orubo

August 3, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Boarders, Day Students, growing up, Nigeria, secondary school
15 Pictures You’ll Relate To If You Did Food And Nutrition In Secondary School

1. When they asked you to choose between Food and Nutrition and Agric.

The one with food, abeg.
2. You, entering ‘Food and Nutrition’ class expecting constant chow:
My stomach is ready.
3. When you realize the ‘Food’ in ‘Food and Nutrition’ is silent until practicals.

Why are you teaching me about carbohydrates ehn?
4. Your Food and Nutrition note after just one term:

Just kill me oh.
5. You, looking at the Food and Nutrition exam questions like:

I did not agree for this one oh.
6. When your teacher tells you to bring money to buy apron and cap for practical.

Please don’t stress me, abeg.
7. How your classmates start famzing you days to the practical:

Better famz well.
8. Your friends, waiting for you to finish practical like:

See these ones.
9. When the whole school hears that Food and Nutrition practical is over:

You people have not seen food before?
10. How people dodge your food when you’re the only boy doing Food and Nutrition:

Ah! Is it like that?
11. You, when teachers sef are using style to beg for food.

Better beg with your chest.
12. When your food is so good it reaches Administrative block:

I sabi the work.
13. What your Food and Nutrition teacher allows you to take to your class after the practical:

What is this, abeg?
14. How your teacher shares the cake you baked:

Hay God!
15. When that oversabi’s food is so bad, the teacher lets her take everything home.

It can pain sha.

Daniel Orubo

July 26, 2016

Oldies

Food, food and nutrition, Nigeria, practical, School, secondary school
If You Ever Tried To Write WAEC With Dubs, This Post Is For You

1. When mock exams are over

And you thought you did well.
2. Then mock results came out

My God. 20/100.
3. So you realize you cannot do this on your own

Na only me waka come?
4. You, looking for who has sure dubs

I cannot stay at home for one year abeg.
5. When your parents start telling you about having straight A’s

These ones want to kill me.
6. When you hear rumors about dubs being available

Where??? It’s lit!
7. You, with the person that is going to provide the whole class dubs for WAEC and NECO

Our lives are in his hands.
8. You and your squad when the teacher is doing final revision

Who revision don help.
9. And you know there are sure dubs waiting in the hostel that night

Winning.
10. 10PM and you hear the dubs are in the hostel ready to be shared

I cannot come and carry last.
11. Writing every single letter and question mark as someone is reading it out

About to win the award for most A’s.
12. So you stay up studying it

Because, last hope.
13. You, in the exam hall waiting for the paper to start

Let me kill this thing and move to objective.
14. When you hear someone shout “Jesus Christ”

It’s all over.
15. And you don’t see any of the questions in the supposed “sure dubs”

So this is how I become a dropout.
16. When WAEC results finally come out

You don’t even know how to tell yourself, talk less of your parents.

Tobi Smith

July 16, 2016

Oldies

Exams, Expo, Nigeria, secondary school, waec
15 Struggles Any Nigerian Who Attended ‘Summer’ Lesson Will Get

1. When you haven’t even started enjoying your holiday and your parents bring up summer lesson.

Kuku kill me.
2. This annoying struggle:

Hay God!
3. You, waking up for school while everyone else is sleeping in for the holiday:

Why me, Lord?
4. When you turn up on the first day in your Christmas clothes.

SLAY!
5. When you enter school for summer lesson and the whole place is empty.

Hian! Am I the only olodo?
6. How you walk into class with your phone so everyone can see it:

Gats show off.
7. When people you don’t normally talk to in school try to form familiarity.

Did you miss road?
8. This satisfyingly petty realization:

See your life outside.
9. Shy girls letting loose during summer lesson like:

Oh? Is it like that?
10. You, watching your friends have actual holiday fun:

Is it fair?
11. When the summer lesson teacher still gives you homework.

Is coming not enough?
12. How you look at the students from other schools that attend:

Who are these ones?
13. When you successfully stab a day of summer lesson:

Winning!
14. You, dumping your summer lesson bae on the last day like:

BYE! Lose my number.
15. When summer lesson finally ends and you just blink and school resumes.

Kai! Already? Co-written by Zikoko Contributor, Obeyaa Atta.

Daniel Orubo

July 14, 2016

Oldies

Africa, growing up, Holiday, Nigeria, secondary school, summer lesson
16 Dining Hall Struggles Every Nigerian Boarder Will Remember

1. When a senior wants to punish you some minutes to dining time.

Don’t let the devil use you.
2. When your provisions have finished and you hear dining bell.

Can’t come and carry last.
3. When you can see them about to close the dining hall door.

God forbid.
4. When someone tries to jump the line to collect food.

Please just respect yourself.
5. When the dining hall prefect asks “who wants extra plantain?”

See question oh!
6. You, watching two seniors fight in the dining hall.

Are you not entertained?
7. How the dining hall looks when the food is jollof rice and chicken:

Who no like better thing?
8. When you get to the hall 5 minutes late and you hear food has finished.

Are you people animals?
9. The hall, when a senior declares “MASSACRE”:

Every man for himself.
10. How you eat when your guy gets chosen to be dining hall prefect:

WINNING!
11. When they take light in the hall and everyone starts shouting.

Are you people not Nigerians again?
12. When you’re hungry and that wicked senior tells you to bring your food.

Is it fair?
13. When someone brings milk to the hall on pap and akara day.

Our hero.
14. When the dining hall prefect calls for extra food.

We hail oh!
15. When they are serving beans and all the girls are forming.

Starve oh!
16. When you’re still eating and you hear “LEAVE THE DINING HALL”

EXCUZ MI?

Daniel Orubo

July 12, 2016

Oldies

afirca, dining hall, Junior, Nigeria, secondary school, senior
13 Images About Prep That Won’t Make Sense To Nigerians Who Didn’t Go To Boarding School

1. When you wake up 5 minutes before morning prep.

Hay God!
2. When you hear the bell for prep and a senior starts counting “1…2…3…”

Run for your life.
3. When you and your guys are stabbing prep and you hear them searching.

Chai! Who sent me message?
4. What afternoon prep looks like:

Everyone just comes to finish their siesta.
5. When they cancel night prep because the generator is not working.

Turn up!
6. When a prep supervisor catches you sleeping and you start denying.

I was just meditating on what I read.
7. When you still have to go for prep on a public holiday.

WHY?
8. You, entering night prep when you get there late:

The struggle.
9. You, pretending to read when you see your principal.

Let me deceive myself.
10. When the class hears the sound of someone opening a food wrapper.

Share the love na.
11. When the prefect that asked for list of noisemakers doesn’t collect it.

Take that ela.
12. How boys surround girls when they take light during night prep:

Urgh no respect at all.
13. When you get back from prep and you see your locker open.

Just kill me.

Daniel Orubo

July 4, 2016

Oldies

Boarding School, days, prep, secondary school, seniors
14 Pictures Every Nigerian Who Hated Yoruba Class In School Will Get

1. THIS BOOK:

The stress was real.
2. You, halfway into every single Yoruba class:

No time.
3. When you see Yoruba class for double period on the timetable.

Who did we offend?
4. You, during Yoruba class pretending you understand what is happening.

Can this period end?
5. When the Yoruba teacher picks you to read a passage for the class.

Hay God!
6. When your Yoruba teacher tells you to translate a poem from English to Yoruba.

Do you mean me well?
7. When the invigilator gives you the question paper but you have already finished shading your obj sheet.

The power of guessing.
8. How the students who can’t speak Yoruba see the exam questions:

What is this?
9. When your teacher separates you from all your Yoruba friends.

Is it fair?
10. When someone asks for extra sheet during Yoruba exam.

Who is this one?
11. When you just write Yoruba song lyrics for your essay and submit.

“Gongo Aso kutupu awu…”
12. You, mixing Yoruba and English during your exam like:

I’ve tried, abeg.
13. When you managed to know the Yoruba word, but you still fail because of wrong intonation marks.

Are you not evil?
14. You, after every Yoruba exam:

You already know you have banged.

Daniel Orubo

June 29, 2016

Oldies

Africans, growing up, Nigeria, Nigerians, secondary school, yoruba
15 Things Anyone Who Hated Being A Science Student Will Totally Understand

1. Every time somebody asked you what you wanted to be in life

Because everybody must be a doctor or engineer.

2. When you got to JSS 3 and your parents were now interested in your education

See these people.

3. When they ask you what class you want to be in

Do you want to be in science, or science class?

4. But they hear you whisper art or commercial

So who will now be a doctor in this house?

5. So you end up in science class for SS 1

God why?

6. First further math class

My God! As if Math wasn’t hard enough, they decided to further it.

7. Then your physics teacher is the worst person

What is my business with two cars accelerating? Who distance/time don epp?

8. When you can’t understand how the periodic table and elements will bring money

Can we just call it salt? What is NaCl?

9. With all your problems they decide to add technical drawing

Can you not?

10. The day your parents suggest you get a lesson teacher

At my age?

11. When you see your mates in commercial and art class having free periods

Do these ones have two heads?

12. When you hear that exam timetable is out

What do you mean the term is ending soon?

13. You, in the exam hall

What is everybody using french curve to draw?

14. When your parents ask you to show them your result

Let’s just be grateful for the gift of life.

15. When your parents finally let you go back to your true love

Hello commercial/art class. I have missed you.

Tobi Smith

June 19, 2016

Oldies

career, education, Nigeria, secondary school
15 Things Every Nigerian Will Remember About Reproduction Class In Secondary School

1. When you finally see “Reproduction” in the syllabus.

YES!!!
2. When your Biology teacher enters the class and writes the topic on the board.

FINALLY!
3. When people that have never attended Biology class before start appearing.

Oh? So you know your way to class?
4. How the class looks for the whole three weeks of the topic:

We must learn this thing.
5. When the teacher starts talking about reproduction in plants.

Get to the good stuff.
6. When the interesting topic starts and the whole class is like this every 5 minutes:

Biology Teacher, every 5 minutes: “Will you keep quiet?”
7. Boys in the class, paying extra attention like:

Ah! No time.
8. All the glances people start throwing when the puberty topic comes up:

See their face.
9. How the whole class looks at you if puberty hasn’t come knocking on your door yet:

E pele.
10. The class, when the teacher is explaining the female reproductive system:

Ah! Chineke!
11. When the teacher talks about how long other animals stay pregnant for.

Elephants, 22 months ke?
12. When the teacher starts drawing the human reproductive organs on the board.

Oho? Is it like that?
13. When the teacher asks “any questions?”

It’s now you will have questions.
14. “Excuse me ma, when will we do practical?”

“Are you mad?”
15. When they ring the bell for end of class but everyone is like:

See these ones.

Daniel Orubo

June 8, 2016

Oldies

biology, Class, Nigeria, reproduction, secondary school
14 Faces You’ll Recognize If You Ever Had A Class Captain In Secondary School

1. When you enter a new class and the teacher is looking for someone to choose as captain.

I’m not here for all that responsibility, abeg.
2. When that annoying classmate that was campaigning hard doesn’t get picked.

Ouch!
3. When you’re gisting with your guys and you hear the class captain shout “ALL STAND GREET!”

Oh God!
4. Class Captain: “Sir, you said you would give us a test after today’s cla…”

Are you well like this?
5. When they remind the teacher that was already leaving about collecting assignment.

What the hell?
6. When the class realizes they started writing names of noise makers 30 minutes ago.

You cannot warn people, abi?
7. Your face, when the teacher doesn’t collect the names from them:

Especially after there was (x20) by your own name.
8. When you see them going to call that teacher that already forgot about their class.

Who sent you message?
9. When a teacher asks them if your class has a free period and they lie that you don’t.

You sabi the work.
10. When they forget to tell the class that the teacher said their will be a test.

If it’s to write names of noise makers you’ll remember that one.
11. When you’ve not finished your assignment and the class captain is leaving to submit.

Wait na.
12. When you see the class captain coming with exam scripts.

Bring that thing.
13. The class captains face, when they flog him because of the class:

“You people will see.”
14. When the class captain tells that oversabi teacher that their time is up.

Bless you.

Daniel Orubo

May 26, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Class Captain, Nigeria, Noisemakers, secondary school