secondary school | Page 5 of 8 | Zikoko!

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secondary school | Page 5 of 8 | Zikoko!

14 Times Biology Class In Secondary School Was Awkward AF

1. When your biology teacher’s excitement is way over the top and he starts the class like:

What is doing this one?
2. When you have to go all the way to the biology laboratory for your class.

Very stressful something!
3. When you mistakenly open a bottle of ammonia and the smell hits you.

What’s that smell?
4. You, when the smell now decides not to leave your body again.

But who sent me message now?
5. When the topic is ‘Reproduction’ and all the boys in the class are super excited.

Perverts!
6. When it’s time to draw a frog and your own is looking like a cow.

My shame is now complete!
7. All the notes your biology teacher now expects you to copy.

Kuku kill me!
8. You, when it’s time for frog dissection

I am disgusted!
9. You, when you see people getting excited to dissect the frog.

You people need Jesus!
10. When your biology teacher is not around, and one boring individual now comes to teach you.

Only oversabi students will be enjoying the class.
11. When your biology teacher says it’s time to start naming all the trees in school.

Why?
12. When your teacher wants to teach the sex part in Reproduction, he’s like:

“If a boy touches you, you’ll die!”
13. You, when you suddenly hear ‘tear a sheet of paper’.

Jesus!Test ke!
14. You, when your teacher catches you dozing and calls you to answer his question.

I am finished today!

Shola

November 18, 2016

Oldies

biology, Nigeria, secondary school
The Different Reactions To Flogging We Had In Secondary School.

1. The chester

Baddest guy ever liveth, feels no pain. All the girls hailed him when the teacher finished.
2. The fake hard guy: tries to be like the chester, but starts squeezing face after the second stroke

He can even start crying after!
3. The running man

Once cane touches his body, he’s off.
4. The one that begs everybody to go before him

You will still chop the beating sha.
5. The cry baby

This one has already cried for God to spare him before cane even nears his body.
6. The one that takes five minutes to react after every stroke

Oga, other people are on queue oh!
7. The one that always challenges the teacher flogging.

‘Sir, my doctor said nobody should flog me, I have Oesophagus.’
What was your reaction to flogging? Comment and share!

Boyin Plumptre

November 7, 2016

Oldies

flogging, secondary school
10 Food Struggles Every Boarder Will Relate To

1. When they serve you yam as hard as rocks.

Is it me that will eat this one?
2. When it’s bread and butter day, you and your squad are like:

Hot, fresh bread straight from the bakery!
3. When the cooks now try themselves and make moi moi without palm oil.

Just stick with your eba and okro, please.
4. What of all the times you had to eat watery beans that had stones?

Vomit-inducing food!
5. You, when you see staff members eating ‘special food’.

So we’re not special abi?
6. When they serve you grainy tuwo shinkafa and miyan kuka that scatters your tummy.

You will now have to shotput after.
7. How people flood the dining hall when it’s time for jollof and chicken.

The only time you will see all the big boys and girls.
8. You, when it’s time for akara and your friends say “collect my portion”.

Only you will eat like 3 portions!
9. When your friends now go home and don’t bring home food.

The betrayal is too real.
10. How you enter the hostel when your mom randomly sends you jollof and chicken.

It’s basically Christmas!

Shola

November 6, 2016

Oldies

dining hall, Food, Funny, Nigeria, secondary school
9 Food Items That Totally Saved Every Boarder’s Life In Secondary School

1. Garri

Groundnut and sugar were luxuries, though.You also made cold eba from it.
2. Cabin biscuits

Can be taken with butter or used for pako flakes.
3. Cornflakes

Always there for you when you missed Dining Hall food.
4. Indomie noodles

Contraband, but you still soaked the hell out of it.
5. Capri-Sonne

You were allowed to carry shoulder up if you had this.
6. Milo

Don’t lie, you used it for choco bum bum!
7. Okin biscuit

If you ate this in school, remind us to kneel when we greet you.
8. Spice

To support and garnish the dead jollof they served in Dining.
9. Golden Morn

Your best friend when ‘Stomach Adjustment Palaver’ period hits.

Shola

November 2, 2016

Oldies

Boarding School, Funny, secondary school
QUIZ: What Type Of Fighter Were You In Secondary School?

Maryam

November 1, 2016

Quizzes

fight, fighting, School, secondary school
The Worst Beating I Ever Got in Secondary School

So I was the funny guy in my crew, ladies loved me, it was my gift you know.

My problem started one day I was doing my usual funny guy work oh: I don’t even like remembering this story.

So I set biro for somebody… in my military school.

Soldiers were now passing on my corridor when he started shouting anyhow!

Jesus! There was no beg I didn’t beg this guy to keep quiet o!

For where? As soon as they entered my class, my guy just increased the volume.

The soldiers sharply decoded and looked at each other like:

If you’ve never been beaten by soldiers, please thank your God oh!

Brethren, they beat me like a thief in Idumota!

Me, after they battered my small body finish.

People that saw me after started asking if I was involved in an accident.

If you have your secondary school beating stories, please share!!!

Boyin Plumptre

October 21, 2016

General

beating, Funny, secondary school
My Horrible Rub And Shine Experience In Secondary School

1. So after forming bad guy for me, my secondary school crush finally talked to me.

Finally!
2. I was watching him play deliciously on the basketball field and the ball got thrown towards me.

Freshest boy in school.
3. His voice when he said ‘please throw the ball here’ was so full of promises.

My heart!
4. So I decided that night I’d package myself well for the next day.

Taking it to the next level.
5. But first, I had to get 4 buckets of bath water for that extra shine.

Because I have to look popping.
6. But when I got to the tap, I met like 100 other people.

What is this one?
7. I now spotted many wicked seniors who must have been slave traders in their past lives.

Very wicked people!
8. As I turned to run, one of them saw me. Brethren it was a sad day.

Why are these seniors unfortunate like this?
9. After I had carried plenty buckets for the senior, I managed to get one bucket of water that I could jejely manage.

This life!
10. I padlocked the water under my bed and had my beauty sleep for my crush.

Let me prepare myself for slay.
11. I now woke up late because I was dreaming of this boy! I pulled out my bucket to bath and it was…empty!

My enemies are at work o!
12. I now had to start begging for one bowl of water from my friends to bathe.

Help my situation, abeg.
13. As it was almost time for breakfast, I ran outside to sharply have my bath.

Before house mistress brings her wahala.
14. You see, it was harmattan season, so the water was basically iced water!

Unfortunate weather.
15. After shaking for like 50 mins, I finally started doing my rub and shine. That’s how I saw the house mistress coming.

I’m finished today.
16. See, I don’t even remember how I flew inside the hostel with soap on my body.

Who wants to be expelled?
17. And me, I will never use that dirty place they called a bathroom.

God forbid!
18. Long story short, I had to wipe my soapy body with towel like that o!

A shameful experience, indeed.
19. As I was wearing my uniform they started shouting ‘Out of the hostel!’.

I’m in soup o!
20. I couldn’t even use my vaseline and ended up looking like:

No more slay.

Shola

October 11, 2016

General

Funny, Nigeria, secondary school
How Speech And Prize Giving Day Was For All The Non-Efikos

1. How all the class efikos sit in front during speech and prize giving day:

Let’s do this.
2. Those unbothered students that only came for free drinks and food:

Where is the meatpie, biko?
3. You, when just one student is collecting all the gifts for your set:

Who is this one?
4. How the students that get called out for best in Maths and English walk out:

WINNING!
5. All your classmates, when the class olodo’s name gets called:

Say what?
6. How your mother looks at you when it’s almost over and they still haven’t called your name:

See your life.
7. When your father comes with all his friends and you haven’t won anything.

Hay God!
8. When your friend that always stabs class with you gets called out and you’re still empty-handed.

WOW! So it’s like that?
9. When your mates are getting called out for ‘best in Physics’ and you hear your name for ‘best in Yoruba’.

To use and do what?
10. When the efikos open their prizes in front of you and you’re just seeing water bottles.

See nonsense.
11. You, when the class oversabi’s name doesn’t get called out.

OUCH!
12. How you leave the speech and prize giving day empty-handed:

It can pain.

Daniel Orubo

August 16, 2016

Oldies

Africa, growing up, Nigeria, secondary school, speech and prize giving day
15 Pictures That Will Give You Serious Common Entrance Flashbacks

1. The common entrance book of life:

Ugo C. Ugo for the win.
2. When your school forces everyone to do mock exams to prepare.

Don’t add to my stress.
3. When your parents force you to attend one local common entrance lesson:

What is all this?
4. When you ask your parents for a new math set and they start asking you JAMB questions.

“What about the one we bought for you 4 years ago?”
5. How you look at Primary 4 students that want to follow you and do common entrance too:

Wait your turn biko.
6. You, jacking the Friday before your common entrance like:

Secondary school is my portion.
7. How you see the maths and quantitative common entrance questions:

Wetin be dis?
8. You, waking up on the Saturday of common entrance like:

The day has arrived.
9. You, looking for your friends when you get to your common entrance centre:

Where are my people?
10. How you stroll into your centre with 12 extra pencils and 10 biros:

My body is ready.
11. When you see them repeat questions you crammed in your Ugo C. Ugo.

WINNING!
12. You, when the invigilator starts dictating answers for some of the students.

Ah! Is it like that?
13. You, waiting for your parents to come and pick you from the centre when it’s over:

I want to go oh.
14. When your result finally comes out and you passed the cut-off mark.

YES LORD!
15. Your face, when you remember you still have interviews to do:

Hay God! It’s not over.

Daniel Orubo

August 15, 2016

Oldies

common entrance, growing up, Nigeria, Primary school, secondary school
The Sick Bay Hustle In Every Secondary School

1. You, going to the sick bay when you know your teacher is going to inspect your notes.

I cannot come and chop cane.
2. When you carry your friend that just vomited in class to the sick bay.

You will now stay there with them to dodge class.
3. How you run to the sick bay when you didn’t do your assignment:

It’s not me they will beat today.
4. You, looking at that girl that always faints when they are about to flog the class:

Oversabi.
5. How all the boys rush to carry the girl to sick bay when she faints:

See these ones.
6. When you stab class and lie that you were in the sick bay and the teacher wants to go and confirm.

Hay God!
7. How you feel when you successfully convince the nurse that you’re sick:

“and the Oscar goes to…”
8. You, when the nurse now gives you actual drugs to take.

Uhm. Actually…
9. When you go to the sick bay with a cough, a cut, a broken leg or heartbreak.

That’s all you people know.
10. How the sick bay nurse gives you your injection:

The worst.
11. You, using the sick bay to dodge manual labour like:

No cutting grass for me.
12. How boys go to the sick bay when the nurse is fine:

See these ashewos.
13. What the sick bay always looks like during evening prep:

You people should do and go, abeg.
14. How you sleep in the sick bay when you know they are flogging your classmates:

The best.
15. You, leaving the sick bay when the class you were stabbing is over:

WINNING!

Daniel Orubo

August 8, 2016

Oldies

growing up, Nigeria, secondary school, sick bay