School | Page 6 of 7

The Provisions Hustle Every Nigerian Student Went Through

1. The Nigerian provisions starter pack:

If you don’t have all these, you’ve not started.
2. The official padlock for stingy students:

The worst people.
3. When you’re with your Nasco and you see someone chowing Kelloggs.

Please be going.
4. You, the first time they jacked your locker and stole your provisions:

Just leave me to die here.
5. When you beg your guys for provisions and they say they haven’t launched it yet.

Is this one mad?
6. When you’re the only one in your dorm that got provisions on visiting day.

As a bad guy.
7. When seniors see you entering the hostel with provisions.

It’s all over.
8. When a senior gives you bowl to go and fill with milk.

God, why me?
9. When you get back from class and catch someone trying to jack your locker.

You don enter am today.
10. When you open your provisions and people with spoons start appearing like:

Who are these ones?
11. When you’re the only one in your room left with provisions.

Oya beg me.
12. When they steal provisions from the stingiest person in your room.

God is good.
13. How you look at people that take their unopened provisions back home:

Na wa for una.

Daniel Orubo

July 15, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Nigeria, provisions, School, Secondary
QUIZ: Can We Guess Your Favourite Class In School?

Odunayo

June 23, 2016

Quizzes

School, subject
16 Things Any Nigerian Who Was An Efiko In School Will Relate To

1. When the teacher asks if everyone understands and the class says “NO!”, but you understand perfectly.

How is that not clear?
2. When they give an assignment and everyone in the class is waiting for you to do it.

Fine! I’ll do it!
3. When you finish your assignment.

Oya copy oh!
4. When the teacher splits you into groups for a project and you end up doing all the work.

Again!
5. When you mistakenly fail a test. Your teacher:

It’s just one failure.
6. When someone else scores higher than you on a test. Everyone:

Na wa oh!
7. When you get a B and it depresses you but you cannot be sad in public.

It’s so hard.
8. When people see you stabbing a class.

What?! I have to go to all the classes?
9. How people react when you tell them you don’t understand a particular topic.

I don’t know it oh!!!!
10. When you ask someone what aspect they need you to explain to them and they say “Everything”.

You didn’t pay your school fees to me.
11. When everyone expects you to organize tutorials before exams but you haven’t even read.

Oh God!
12. When exams are coming and you tell people you haven’t read.

I haven’t oh!
13. When people come to confirm their answers with you after every exam.

*flips hair*
14. When people see you reading for exams.

Leave me plis.
15. You when you hear “10 minutes left” in the exam but you still have more to write.

More time please!
16. When you raise up your hand in class and the teacher doesn’t call you.

Pick me!!!

Odunayo

June 7, 2016

Oldies

Efiko, Nigerian, School
Hajiya Fatima Kurfi Is Proof That Education Has No Age Limit

79 year old Hajiya Fatima Kurfi finally achieved her life-long dream of getting an education when she bagged her B.Sc degree in Islamic Studies from Al-Qalam University in Katsina state.
Although the mother of four and grandmother had completed her degree in 2009, her convocation ceremony was deferred till May 2016 when the university hosted its convocation ceremony for seven graduating sets of the school.

Hajiya Kurfi who didn’t have the opportunity to attend school while growing up, began learning how to read and write when she married her husband who eventually relocated to England. She followed him shortly after.

After returning from England with her husband, she enrolled in an Arabic Teachers College for her secondary school education, where she was in the same class with one of her grand-kids, before obtaining a Diploma at Danfodio College.

Hajia Kurfi was still determined to continue her education and eventually got admitted into Al-Qalam University in 2005.

Currently, she runs a private school for children and an NGO which aims at advocating education of the girl-child.

Although she doesn’t want to go further in her education, she has decided to continue researching at home by studying books and research papers written by her husband, Dr Ahmadu Kurfi, who is a teacher and former federal permanent secretary. Go grandma, we couldn’t be more proud!!!

Maryam

May 23, 2016

Gist

education, grandma, Nigerian university, School, University
Dear Uniben People, This Post Is For You

1. When a fresher asks you where “Ofolawbasement” is.

See this one.
2. When you see the queue for uniben shuttle to new Benin.

God forbid.
3. When you’re walking with a girl in Ekosodin and you hear “guy show”.

Not today, satan.
4. When there’s no light in school and you go to charge at GTB.

Na wa.
5. How reading halls look during exam time:

You people know how to read now abi?
6. You and your guys, when Post UME babes start showing:

We move.
7. When you tell the intra-campus bus driver that you’re going to block of flats.

Ah! No vex.
8. When you see shotput nylons flying out of hall 2.

Damn!
9. When the smell of beans hits you as you enter hall 4.

YES LORD!
10. You, watching insults fly between hall 2 girls and hall 3 boys.

Are you not entertained?
11. When you’re trying to read in night class and you hear “My brothers and sisters, I won’t take much of your time”

Chai!
12. When you decide that your life is more important.

I cannot come and go and die.
13. When you are passing BDPA at night and you hear something that sounds like a gunshot.

Jehovah!
14. When you get to 500LT by 6am for an 8am class.

What the hell?
15. Uniben and long queues.

B.Sc in Queueing along with your real degree.
16. When you’re single and you see couples loving up at hall 2 car park and love gutter.

What are you people doing?
17. When you are waiting for buka 7 rice and someone tries to cut in front of you

You wan’t to die ba?
18. Whenever you have to use a toilet in the hall.

Disease is not my portion. Co-written with Zikoko contributor, @TheGrandVezir

Daniel Orubo

May 17, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Benin, Nigeria, School, Uniben, University
16 Things Every Nigerian Who Was A Prefect In Secondary School Will Remember

1. When you enter SS3 and it’s time for the school to choose prefects.

Please God, let them pick me.
2. You, if your juniors had to be the ones to vote for the prefects.

Ejoor vote for me.
3. You, at the badging ceremony.

Finally!
4. When the head girl and head boy start behaving like it’s only their own posts that matter.

All prefects matter.
5. When you got chapel prefect and you couldn’t stab service anymore.

Why me?
6. When you remember all the juniors who had been rude to you.

I will deal with you.
7. After you become a prefect and you send a junior and he says no.

Is this one mad?
8. When the whole school does something but only the prefects are being punished.

Wawu!
9. You and all the prefects after you’ve finished serving punishment for the school.

You will all learn!
10. When someone calls you supervisor instead of prefect.

P-R-E-F-E-C-T!
11. When you’re the food prefect and so everybody wants to be your friend.

Do I know you?!
12. When you thought being a prefect meant you could wake up late but you had to be up before the rest of the school.

Someone cannot sleep again!
13. When your mates that you didn’t even like start famzing you so that your power can rub off on them.

Don’t let the devil use you.
14. When you become a prefect and nobody is trying to use provisions to bribe you.

Why is my own different?
15. When you’re the labour prefect and the juniors don’t do their work so the principal asks you to do it.

Just know you’re dead.
16. When you’re the socials prefect so you’re only supposed to work once a week.

Chilling!

Odunayo

May 16, 2016

Oldies

Nigeria, Prefect, School, Secondary, secondary school
16 Pictures Only People Who Attended Catholic Secondary Schools Will Relate To

1. When you have to attend mass 7 mornings a week without fail.

Because you have to begin the day with Jesus and Mary.
2. When they expect you to stay awake through morning mass and also stay awake in class for the entire day.

Who do you people want to kill?
3. And there are still evening prayers 7 days a week.

The school life…
4. When the priest is preaching and he mentions how other churches are doing something wrong.

Okay.
5. When your CRK class is basically Cathecism class.

Did I offend you?
6. When you misplace something and the Sisters tell you to pray to St. Anthony to help you find it.

What is this nonsense?
7. When you mistakenly wear your skirt above your knee or sag your trousers.

Is the devil using you?
8. When your sex education was basically “If you talk to boys, you’ll get pregnant”.

And premarital sex is your ticket to hell.
9. And once it’s 12 noon or 6pm, you have to stop everything you’re doing. Because Angelus.

This is a lot! A lot of prayers!
10. When you’re not even Catholic but you have to learn all the prayers and now there’s no space for anything else in your brain.

Too many!
11. When the altar boys and girls were one of the coolest people in school.

Enjoy your godly fame.
12. When they leave space for the Holy Spirit between you and the next person during an exam.

You and the Holy Trinity.
13. When you’re in an only girl’s school and your brother school comes round but you’re not allowed to speak to them.

Just be looking sadly out the window.
14. If you’re not Catholic, the 40 days of Lent were your own personal hell.

I’m not even part of you people!
15. When you commit an offence and they tell you that you just nailed Jesus to the cross.

Jesus! Me?!
16. And now, even if you’re not in a Catholic church, your knee automatically bends when you enter a row.

Put respect in the church!

Odunayo

April 27, 2016

Oldies

Catholic, Nigeria, School, Secondary
16 Things Nigerian Parents Will Say After You Fail An Exam

To a Nigerian parent, failing = coming anything but first.
1. “Your mates that passed, do they have ten heads?”

Na wa oh!
2. “How will you pass when you keep following lazy people. Better change your friends and change your destiny!”

Just small failure.
3. “Shebi if you’ll stop following girls/following boys/playing football/living/breathing, you’ll have time to pass.”

Kuku kill me.
4. “Can’t you see so-so-so-and-so’s child?”

Okay…
5. “When you won’t stop pressing your phone.”

Oya take the phone now.
6. When you ask for anything at all. “this is where they will see you; if it’s to pass exam now, you can’t pass.”

Are you giving me or not?
7. “You want to bring shame to the family?”

When you’re all now looking at me nko?
8. “You think you’re doing us? Keep failing.”

Thanks?
9. “Someone will just be wasting money on school fees on you.”

I’m so confused!
10. “You can eat but you can’t pass.”

I should die?
11. When you want to go out with friends. “The friends you want to follow, did they pass their exam?”

But can I go out?
12. “When I was your age…”

You never failed…yeah I’ve heard.
13. “If you don’t want to go to school tell us.”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…”
14. When you mistakenly oversleep. “That’s why you failed.”

Wow.
15. First day of holiday. “Have you read your books.”

Fineeee!
16. When you try to explain why you failed the exam. “Did you write all these explanations down in your exams?”

So unpleasant!

Odunayo

April 22, 2016

Oldies

bad result, Fail, Nigerian parents, School
17 Pictures You’ll Understand If You Ever Had A Nigerian Secondary School Teacher

1. When you greet them and they ask “what’s good about the morning?”

Ah! No vex.
2. When they write “see me” on your assignment.

Oh God! What did I do again?
3. How you feel when you enter the teachers’ staff room:

Chai! Who sent me message?
4. When they tell you to buy cane and bring to school.

Is this even fair?
5. When they are flogging you and they say “if you touch it, I’ll start again.”

Please epp me.
6. When they start cleaning the board and you tell them you haven’t finished copying it.

Hian! Take it easy.
7. When that teacher that hates you tries to be nice to you on visiting day.

Save it.
8. When your favorite teacher bad mouths you to your parents on open day.

Wow. Is it like that?
9. When they wait for their period to be over before they ask “any questions?”

Better carry your load and go.
10. When they hear that your next class is a free period.

Ugh! Just leave us.
11. When they tell the class captain to write names of noise makers and they don’t collect it.

Look at God!
12. When they ask a question and ignore all your classmates with their hands up and pick you.

Why are you asking me? Did I raise my hand?
13. How they set questions:

Jisos!
14. When they wish you good luck before an exam.

See this devil.
15. When they look at your script during a test and shake their head.

Hay God! Should I just start again?
16. How they mark your exam:

How Nigerian teachers mark your exam when they want to deal with you: pic.twitter.com/Yb506Ep3hF
— Wale Lawal (@WalleLawal) December 6, 2014

17. When you get everything in your exam but they still keep that 1 mark for themselves.

Na wa! Is it that 1 mark you will eat at home?

Daniel Orubo

April 21, 2016

Oldies

Africa, High School, Junior, Nigeria, School, secondary school, senior, Teacher
12 Pictures Of Nigerian “Foods” That Studied Abroad

1. When pap finishes its first degree abroad and becomes custard:

2. When Nasco gets into an Ivy League college:

3. Limca, after passing GMAT:

4. When Goldspot finally finishes its Masters:

5. Ogogoro, after it has gotten its student Visa.

6. When egg roll gets its green card:

7. When Noreos lands itself a full scholarship:

8. When puff puff gets some international exposure:

9. When bread and stew leaves Nigeria for the first time:

10. Star, one week after landing in the abroad:

11. When kunu graduates with a first class:

12. When Trebor leaves the country with no intention of coming back:

Daniel Orubo

April 15, 2016

Oldies

abroad, Food, masters, Nigeria, School, studied, study