rituals | Zikoko!

Whether you want to call it spooky season because of Halloween, or ember month because you’re Nigerian, all I know is we’ve officially entered that time of the year when everyone has to be vigilant to avoid stories that touch.

With the naira in the poteaux-poteaux and election season approaching, I’ve decided to consult the oracle (Old Nollywood) for some tips on how to stay safe and keep your head on your neck.

Don’t marry or date broke men

Professor Olamide wasn’t playing when he said, “Ma lo fe broke nigga. Fight for your life.” Half of the wives who’ve been used for rituals in films like Billionaire’s Club and the original Living in Bondage married broke men with “potential”. Nigeria is hard enough. Don’t allow love and small romance cost you your life. Avoid broke men today.

Don’t marry a rich guy who’s into “business”

What happened to marrying a doctor, lawyer, SoundCloud rapper or tech bro? According to Nollywood, once a man is into “business” without any direct explanation of what the business is, there’s a high chance he’s into rituals. Avoid men like this with all your power and might before they pound you and your baby like fresh yam.

Don’t follow your dad out at night

If only the little girl in Living in Bondage: Breaking Free had said no when her dad took her for a drive at night, who knows, she might be alive today. So the next time your dad asks you to escort him somewhere past 7 p.m., kindly tell him only wayward people go out at night and you’re not wayward. What’s the worst thing that can happen? Small disowning?

Don’t go for parties with campus big girls

Remember when Funke Akindele’s character, Suliat, in Jenifa followed the big girls on campus for an all-night party, and they almost used her head as asun for evil spirits? Now that ASUU has called off strike in time for spooky season, I’ll advise that you stay in your hostel and focus on your education. Even if you want to go to a party, go to one with dead babes and boring guys.

Don’t sleep at night

To safeguard your life, I’d advise you stay awake all night so when the nonsense special effects juju appears in your room you can give it a dirty slap. It’s only people who sleep that witches kidnap in the middle of the night. Gbera!

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Become a prayer warrior

Nollywood has shown us there’s nothing a little casting and binding can’t solve. So to keep your head, you need to have it anointed. Join a bible believing church today, or better still, just become a pastor. Amen?

Don’t eat food outside

Just in case you have a coconut head and completely ignored all your mum has taught you since birth, if you didn’t cook the food with your two hands, don’t eat it. The streets are dangerous now, and nobody can be trusted. Don’t allow ojukokoro be the cause of your downfall.

Become a babalawo

No one can use you for rituals when you’re the person wearing the feathers and red wrapper. It’s common sense.

Don’t leave your house, period!

If you sit in your house and mind your business, tell me how someone will think to use you for rituals. It’s who they see outside that’ll end up in calabashes. So stay in one place this spooky season before you “we outside” yourself into a babalawo’s shrine.

ALSO READ: How to Do Money Ritual in a Way That Pleases God

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

October 17, 2022

Pop

Blood Money, halloween, Nollywood, Old Nollywood, rituals
Tough times are really lasting, and the thought of using someone for money ritual looks more appealing. However, the fear of God is also real so you don’t know how to run it. Well, that’s where we come in. Here are some steps to enable you perform money ritual in a way that pleases God.

1) Ask for God’s guidance

The biggest mistake a lot of people make when doing ritual is that they don’t ask spiritual leaders to pray for them. If they commit your ritual into the hands of God, how will God now vex? Before embarking on that ritual, you need to do some forty days fasting and prayer.

2) Find a God fearing babalawo

Your Babalawo is not religious and you want the ritual to please God? No nau. You need to look for a religious babalawo that knows the correct way to perform money ritual, abeg.

Don’t mind all the juju in his shade, that doesn’t mean he is not religious. He is.

3) Ask for volunteers

You know why some rituals are considered demonic? It is because people were taken by force. Now, if you asked for volunteers, that’s a different story. Just ask some people if they’re using their destiny and wait for them to give you willingly. You can start by asking some of your friends.

The girls waiting for who will volunteer to be used for rituals first

Your friend not volunteering to be used for rituals is enough reason to end the friendship. If they can’t help you pursue your dreams, are they really your friend?

When you realize none of your friends rate you enough to volunteer for small ritualism

4) Say closing prayer

You say you’re doing something that fears God and you won’t do closing prayers after? Is that how they raised you? After a successful ritual or even a not-so-successful one, just say a prayer. E get why.

Imagine you don’t pray now and the person you used for rituals wakes up from the dead?

The legs you refused to use in prayer, will be used in running.

5) Refer people to your babalawo.

Once the ritual is done, you need to share your babalawo’s number. How else will others know that he is religious and good and can do theirs for them too? Get that man some referrals by using your promo code!

6) Give back to your helper.

You can’t just stop at referring people to your babalawo, you need to make sure you continually give back to him for a successful ritual. Give him money, and give him customers. It will make you a respected alumni.

You and the gang after a successful ritualism operation

You should even come with a gift to show how thankful you are. It doesn’t matter what the gift is, no gift is too small.

If you do all the things involved and it neither works nor pleases God, then ritualism is just not meant for you. For more on what’s happening inside of this life, click here

Itohan Esekheigbe

April 21, 2021

Inside Life

money, ritualism, rituals