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  • How to Cosplay as a Rich Nigerian

    Develop an accent

    Your Nigerian accent is too razz for the level of wealth you’re trying to project. You need to develop an accent, preferably British, to give off enough old-money energy.

    Wear a boubou/kaftan everywhere

    This needs to become your uniform. Inside, outside, everywhere you go. Also, make sure you always have dark shades on to stay mysterious.

    Image credit: Afrikrea

    “Do you know who I am?”

    It’s important to respond to every random situation with this question because people do, in fact, need to know who you are — a rich Nigerian.

    Carry a portable fan everywhere

    Heat might be killing everyone else in the country but certainly not you. You’re rich, so of course, you can’t be suffering like a common man. To make your statement even clearer, use one of those uncommon designs.

    Also, use a cab service to go everywhere

    You can never catch a rich man sweating inside a danfo. So why would you be taking public transportation? No, that’s off-brand.

    Invest all your money in perfumes

    You need to have all your bases covered, and one way to do that is by smelling expensive.

    Or spend it all on skin and self-care

    Sunburn is for the poor, my dear. It also doesn’t matter that you’ll be spending twice your monthly income on a new wig. Self-care is important, and your account balance shouldn’t get in the way of it.

    And expensive designer items

    Made in Aba or gotten off AliExpress; designer items are designer items. As long as they didn’t write Cavlin Rlein on that shirt, buy it.

    Have like one million debit cards

    It doesn’t matter if your entire net worth is ₦‎5k. Having many debit cards is a signal to people paying attention that your money is long.

    Your car key must always be in your hands

    It doesn’t matter that you have a pocket or keychain to hang it on. Have people seen your Benz that’s not really your Benz? That’s the main question, and it’s why your car key needs to be in your hands at all times. In fact, jiggle it to catch even more attention.

    Burn all your savings on club memberships

    Lagos Polo Club? Ikoyi Club? Join them all. Don’t mind the huge membership fees because it’s all an investment. By the time you start rubbing shoulders with actual rich people, your cosplay is complete. What’s remaining after that?

    NEXT READ: 8 Ways To Manifest Wealth

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • According to Nigerians, These Alternative Careers Are Money Spinners

    Times are changing, but we all still need to make money. Because some people seem to figure out how to cash out faster than others, we’ve gone out of our way to find and question them. They told us these seven careers are sure money spinners.

    Prayer warrior

    Don’t you know that prayers work wonders, and it can be a full-time job? If you had a new naira note for every time a rich Nigerian answered “Na God” after being asked for the source of their wealth, you’d be rich too.

    Content creator

    How many Instagram posts of content creators buying Benz and houses do you need to see before you know you should drop your 9-5 and start making skits?

    Political influencer 

    This one will feed you, your family and your village people. The only thing you have to give in exchange is your conscience. Small price to pay.

    POS attendant

    Tech bros have nothing on POS attendants now. The one and only bureau de change that deals in naira to naira and takes a huge cut. How can you not respect their name?

    Being in a relationship

    Relationships are lucrative right now, but you can’t have a vanilla label like boyfriend or girlfriend. That’s too basic. You either want to be a glucose boy or a soft babe. Who wants to work for money when someone else can pay you to date them?

    Hard work

    Ask every single Nigerian billionaire what they did, and they’ll tell you they worked hard. Maybe it’s time you started working hard too.

    Gift vendor

    We heard they made bank on Valentine’s Day, but that’s not all. They make bank every day of the year. People want to impress their partners with gifts and need vendors. Step in and get the bag.

    Owambe hypeman

    Who wouldn’t want to praise people at a party? They’d spray you with loads of cool cash just to hype them up while they dance away their savings. Why would anyone choose a regular 9 to 5 over this.

    NEXT READ: 7 Ways To Make Money Without Working For It

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • 10 Proven Ways to Make Bastard Money

    There’s money, and there’s bastard money. Urgent ₦2k is money, but bastard money is money you’ll make, and you really can’t even believe you made it.

    You’d be looking at your account balance like:

    That’s the kind of money we want to teach you how to make. Take notes.

    Become the British Prime Minister

    Don’t think about your qualifications or that you’re still in Nigeria. Just use every means to get there, then you can resign after 45 days. Boom, salary for life.

    Kidnap Elon Musk

    The guy is worth $212 billion. Imagine what 1% of that money as ransom would do in your life. 

    Or marry him

    Just convince him to fall head over heels in love, and your finances will work themselves out. 

    Sell your body parts

    Don’t limit it to your kidney. The liver is valuable, too — anything for the bag.

    Become a Nigerian politician

    The national cake must go round.

    Fast and pray

    Because what God cannot do, doesn’t exist. Amen?

    Sell shoes on Instagram

    Take a page from this the Naira Life of this engineer’s book and open your door of financial wealth.

    Have bastardly rich parents

    If your parents are already poor, you can disown them and go look for your true parents.

    Say it till it happens

    Recite “I have bastard money” in front of your mirror every day at 2.16 a.m. and see if it won’t come to pass.

    Get a glucose guardian

    Start with the ones in Abuja; we heard they have money. Just be careful of the jalabia-and-oud-perfume-wearing ones sha. If you know, you know.

    NEXT READ: 7 Ways To Make Money Without Working For It

    Tife Oni

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  • QUIZ: If You Relate to 8 Things on This Quiz, You’re Definitely Rich

    This is your chance to make a humble brag about how loaded you are. If you can relate to at least eight things on this quiz, you’re definitely rich.

    Pick all the things you can relate to:

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • QUIZ: Make Some Financial Decisions And We’ll Guess Your Account Balance

    How much do you have in your account? Let’s expose you:

    Miriam Onyemenam

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  • QUIZ: Only Wealthy Nigerians Can Score 9/13 On This Lyrics Quiz

    If you have money, then you’ll be listening to songs about money. How well do you know their lyrics?

    Take the quiz:

    Miriam Onyemenam

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  • 8 Ways To Know You Are A Rich Nigerian Auntie

    A rich Nigerian auntie doesn’t refer to those aunties from your father’s side that do nothing but comment on your weight and ask you when you’d be getting married.

    The rich Nigerian auntie is an aesthetic bigger than one person — and here’s how to be sure you are one…

    1. You have the dress

    Every other month, there is a dress that they all collectively wear. If you have at least two of them, congratulations, you are a true rich Nigerian auntie.

    2.  You also have the shoe

    Can there be a dress without a shoe? I think not. It can be that square-shaped one that men swear is ugly, but what do they know about fashion?

    3. You have sleek wigs

    None of those synthetic wigs. It must be a full-body weave and expensive as hell. Bonus points if you just style your natural hair now and again.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Be a femtrepreneur 

    Own a startup or just be a boss at whatever you do, girl boss power. Drop tips when you are in a good mood and be a panellist on at least one women in tech event. 

    5. Be an intersectional feminist 

    For you to be qualified as a rich Nigerian auntie, you must be an intersectional feminist. You can’t stand for women and ignore queer people, disabled people or trans women.

    6. Have clear skin

    When you are unproblematic, you’ll automatically have clear skin. Try minding your business for a month, and watch your skin flourish. This is backed by science.

    7. Host brunch

    Every once in a while, gather your fellow rich Nigerian aunties and host brunch. Don’t forget to serve us looks on every social media platform.

    8. Have a child or less

    Rich Nigerian aunties don’t like stress, they have vacations to plan and designers to wear, where is the time to be having more than 1 child? Just adopt as many cats and dogs as possible, they are less stressful anyway.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    Malakai Bassey

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  • QUIZ: Only Rich Nigerians Can Score 9/13 On This Money Trivia

    Are you among the rich Nigerians geng? Scale this money quiz and we’ll know:

    Miriam Onyemenam

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  • Temi Otedola Has Joined ‘Pepper Dem Gang’ And People Are Loving It

    Fashion blogger, Temi Otedola, blessed the internet with sauce in this ‘pepper hot’ picture yesterday

    Temi is the 2nd daughter of Nigerian oil magnate and billionaire, Femi Otedola.

    People cannot even get enough of all the ‘Yorubaness’ in this post

    When you want to explain the meaning of ‘pepper dem gang’

    The ‘wife material’ scouts have found their way here again

    https://twitter.com/Tee_blaq/status/841049747829989377

    Freshest pepper

    They said she looked hotter than the pepper

    Yoruba women know pepper is their one true love

    https://twitter.com/amazinglilnas/status/840947917225512967

    We’ve changed our wall papers to this picture

    This bro is taking things way too deep but we get it

    Someone now asked the most important question

    Temi also gave us this one with panla (stock fish)

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BRjJ4dCjUTB/?taken-by=jtofashion

    Shola

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  • DJ Cuppy Thinks Money Isn’t Everything And We Believe Her
    A lot of people believe money isn’t everything in life and they’re almost always right. Because for instance, money can buy drugs but not good health.

    At least that’s what some Nigerians thought when billionaire heiress, DJ Cuppy, tweeted this sometime in 2016.

    This is really something.

    But on the other hand, money is everything to the Nigerian whose immediate needs can only be solved by lots of cash. So that tweet coming from someone who can’t relate to the average Nigerian problems left a lot of people like…

    Like seriously?

    And as if the fake-deep tweet about money was just DJ Cuppy’s attempt at famzing regular Nigerians like the rest of us…

    …She was featured in a show documenting the lavish lifestyle of rich Nigerians living in Britain.

    In the documentary, she said she hasn’t opened a bottle of champagne by herself in ages ….

    https://twitter.com/Kingwole/status/740638231171993600
    Going on about London her sister, Temi, said ‘We have done Dubai and Paris but always come back to London. You have the luxury shops, luxury cars, luxury houses, you can spend the money you have worked hard making.’

    She has 15 pairs of £1000 Swarovski crystal-covered Beats headphones and even threw a graduation party worth at least a few expensive cars …

    https://twitter.com/Kingwole/status/740641024981258240
    She said “Some could say it’s a wedding budget, to be honest” and her sister added “It would probably estimate to the same cost as a couple of nice cars”.

    Cuppy thinks she’s paved the way for female DJs in Nigeria even though she’s gotten access to events because of her privilege.

    https://twitter.com/Kingwole/status/740641167411433474
    She also said ‘We are setting the pace for young women who are trying to get out of a generational trend of just going to school, be good, get a job, get married and sit there looking pretty.’

    Oops! What about DJ Soupamodel, DJ Lambo and the rest who have been in the game all this while?

    Maybe she hasn’t heard of the successful Nigerian women who have made the news for their ground-breaking achievements.

    After flaunting so much wealth on this show, we believe you DJ Cuppy. Money really isn’t “everything”.

    Maryam

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  • 6 Times Privileged Nigerians Tried To Famz The Rest Of Us

    1. Davido

    “Back when I was broke yo, Nobody wanted to jonze yo”. Although he was born rich to a billionaire father, Davido’s debut song, Back When, was about how hard life was when he was broke. But brother David, when were you ever broke?

    2. Senator Dino Melaye

    He’s the typical Nigerian politician in every sense and likes to show off a lot. He broke the internet with his ‘No vex, na God‘ tweet when he wanted us to stop hating on the good things “God Almighty” provided him.

    3. Mrs Folorunsho Alakija

    “I am 63 and not done yet, what’s your excuse?” In a speech she gave on World Youth Day, she stated she didn’t attend  university and her recipe to success was hard work and perseverance.  Maybe she forgot to add another secret, she was born wealthy and even gifted an oil block during the military regime.

    4. Laura Ikeji

    “Instead of doing regular jobs, begging for money or doing runs and I capitalised on my sister’s success and it’s working.” Okay, so the people doing regular jobs aren’t really smart abi? Keep capitalising, Laura!

    5. Former Governor Fashola

    “It’s a very hot season of the year. I see my children too sweating, having heat rash and they look at me like what are you doing about this thing”. In an interview with ChannelsTV, he tried to explain how he also suffered from the power shortage wahala. Na wa o! Maybe the children he’s talking about are getting heat rashes from overseas.

    6. Ben Bruce

    When he said he was considering buying a horse because of the fuel scarcity wahala, as if they sell horses for 500 Naira in the market.  He started the Buy Naija To Grow The Naira hashtag but he conveniently published his book in the U.S.

    Maryam

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