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One day, you visit a friend, only to find out that they store garri in their fridge. Friends and family, I’m here to tell you that just because your mum does something doesn’t mean it’s correct to do it too.
Here are some things that shouldn’t be in your fridge, and if they’re, what it says about you.
Garri
If you store your garri in the fridge, people shouldn’t joke with you at all o. You’ll defo break bottle on your head to remind people you’re not normal, at least twice a week. I’ve never met a normal person who actually likes garri, so carry on.
Jollof rice
Jollof rice should be eaten hot and fresh, with heat nearly blinding you. Why are you eating jollof that has lost its essence from multiple defrosting? Are you against enjoyment?
Yam
Yam is already hard and void of love. You now want to store it in the fridge so it can get harder? It’ll turn into a rock-hard weapon that’s impossible to cut or peel, like you and all the layers of wickedness in your heart. Sheesh.
Plantain chips
If you store your plantain chips in the fridge, you’re definitely a first born used to hiding food from your siblings. Storing them in the fridge will ruin the experience, abeg.
Suya
Suya is supposed to be eaten hot, preferably on the road to your house, so you don’t share it. Anyone who can eat cold suya can eat a human being. Yes, I said it.
Bread
Your taste buds stopped working when you were ten years old, if you store bread in the fridge. Imagine choosing to defrost bread, might as well soak it in water and eat it like cereal.
Onions
Onions need to breathe somewhere dry. How do I know? The Zikoko Bureau of Statistics, of course. I just know you don’t allow the people in your life to breathe when you’re around.
Honey
Storing honey in the fridge is like locking your puppy in a closet — it’s cruel and unnecessary. Honey lasts forever; chilling it will just make it thick and difficult to use.
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Until I started writing this article, I didn’t realise just how much Korean K-drama has taught me. This is your cue to watch your next K-drama without subtitles. Your brain secretly understands what they’re saying, we promise. This mini-dictionary is for non-fans.
Saguek
A Korean historical drama, usually set in the Joseon era.
Oppa
Younger women use this word as a cute way to refer to their older brothers or boyfriends.
Chaebol
Dirty, “will buy your family’s silence”, stinky rich businessmen who are also always the bad guys or the ones paying the bad guys.
Second lead syndrome
When the second male lead has more chemistry with the female lead than the main male lead, so you start rooting for him instead. It always ends in tears.
Makjang
You know those dramas with unnecessarily exaggerated or weird plot twists? This is how we describe them. *Coughs The Penthouse: War In Life series.
Hallyu
Nollywood is Nigeria what Hallyu is to Koreans. Or better still, popular Korean culture.
Kimchi slap
Back in the good old K-drama days, you couldn’t watch a K-drama without someone getting slapped with a kimchi covered hand.
Noona
Term of endearment for older sisters. Or a younger man can use it to refer to his older girlfriend.
Ahjumma
It means “older woman”, but is mostly used to describe those nosey-ass older female characters in K-drama.
OST
Everyone knows OST means the “original soundtrack” of a drama. But it’s particularly popular in K-drama because it usually features popular K-pop artists.
Saranghae
This means “I love you” in Korean. It’s usually followed by a finger heart or those big full-body ones.
Soju
The principality and powers in alcohol form Koreans drink like water in K-drama.
PPL
Product placement in a drama. If you’re a K-drama fan who uses a Samsung, I’m not saying it’s years of conditioning, but hmm. PPL is basically that shameless but craftily hidden brand promo in a K-drama.
Jjimjilbang
This is a Korean bathhouse. Characters go there to relax, wearing matching sets provided by the establishment. Fights or love at first sight usually start here.
Ajusshi
This is how Koreans refer to older men. These characters are usually ill-tempered or very nice and wise. No inbetween.
Yeobo
This is the Korean version of “Honey”, the popular married couple endearment.
Hanbok
This is the traditional Korean clothing often seen in historical K-dramas.
Geunyang
This means “Just because”. Sometimes, things happen just because, and you don’t want to have to explain it, so you say, “Geunyang”. Mostly used by K-drama mums when their pissed with their kids.
Aigoo
Characters use this to express regret, disappointment or annoyance. It translates to “Oh my goodness”.
Pabo
You know how we call foolish people “Ode”? Well this is the Korean equivalent.
Daebak
This is basically the Korean version of “Ehen”. Depending on your tone, it can be an exclamation of excitement, amazement or disbelief.
PaliPali
This just means “hurry up”. Especially when the character in question is being rushed so all their books can fall out of their bag just so they can meet the love of their life.
Melo
Short for “melodrama”. When K-drama fans watch a really emotional drama, they refer to it as a melo.
Umbrella scene
It’s not a romantic K-drama without the scene where the male lead protects the female lead from the rain by giving her his umbrella. Bonus point if it’s yellow.
Healing drama
A drama that brings you so much comfort you just know you’ll end up rewatching it for years to come. A lot of 2022 dramas had that energy.
“Fighting!”
Usually pronounced “Hwiting!” This is how characters encourage each other. It can mean “I believe in you” or “You can do this”. It’s always so emotional to hear them say this.
As a single person, my brain isn’t clouded by love. I can think clearly, which is why I know all you relationship people are not okay. Because how do these 10 sayings make y’all fall in love?
I’m stuck with you
You’ll never be stuck with me IJN. Please, when it’s not like we’re twins. If somebody richer than you comes around, we will become unstuck. Don’t worry.
Your body is a temple, and I want to worship you
When there’s an RCCG branch one minute away from your house? Your priorities aren’t straight, I see.
I can’t live without you
Please, try harder. How were you living before we met? Does your mother know you’re telling people things like this? Does Jesus know?
Eat for me
Or what? Will you faint? I don’t understand, do you live in my stomach? Answer me fast.
Let me take care of you
I can take care of myself, please. Do I give broke vibes because why did you think it was okay to say that?
You’re the apple of my eye
I’ve never seen an apple inside any eye before o. Quite frankly, if you have an apple in your eye you should see an optician.
I want to marry you
No Jide, you just met me. You don’t want to marry me, you just have mummy issues.
I want to put a baby in you
This is a threat and should be reported to the nearest police. Where will you find the baby? Are you into kidnapping? Double arrest.
I want to eat you work
Eh? Cannibalism? EFCC, INEC, NAFDAC, arrest this person, please. Maybe if you had actual work to do, you won’t be looking for work to eat.
I love you
We don’t have proof yet, but love is a chemical imbalance of the brain. Somebody doesn’t text you for one second and you can’t eat? Is that one normal? Abeg, talk another thing. Have you tried finding a hobby? It gives the same dopamine , I promise.
Daylight saving is the practice of skipping clocks (typically by one hour) during warmer months so that darkness falls at a later time.There’s nothing Nigerians like more than extra time, and daylight saving is just the solution we all need to get more of it. Just think about it.
Less time to spend at your job
You’re sick of it anyway. If we were saving daylight you’d spend less hours nursing and powering through a headache. Where is the bad side, please?
Less time to put up with people’s rubbish
Every time I’m outside fraternising, I’m reminded of how annoying humans are. If we save daylight, you wouldn’t have any reason to be outside calling somebody’s grandmother a witch because she insulted your short skirt.
Less time to worry about breakfast/dinner
The worst thing about growing up is endlessly having to decide what to eat. If the day ends faster, you can worry less about this.
Less time reminding everyone you’re single
If you’re always asleep by 10 PM instead of wallowing in your singleness and tweeting up a storm about it, you’d find yourself in less situationships, and might finally get used to a life of loneliness. Can’t see the downside, TBH.
A break from fearing men
You know how we’re like, “Fear men 24 hours a day”? You’d have more time to rest from doing that now.
More time to spend on hobbies
With those extra hours on your hands, you finally get to catch up on all the neighbourhood or family gossip. Or pretend you’re actually interested in DIY.
You’re the family disappointment for less hours in a day
All those aunties always reporting you to your parents will do it earlier in the day so you can rest and get over it faster. A win is a win.
As a Nigerian, everything must feel a little too much right now, and your anxiety might be over the roof. If you’re a K-pop fan, here are seven things you can do to reduce the anxiety.
Listen to your favourite song
It can be an old one from when you first started stanning your faves or that one song that’s always ringing in your ear. Listen to it as many times as it’ll take for you to start dancing a little, so you know you’re getting relief.
Watch your favourite episodes of their reality TV shows
Nothing gives you more joy than seeing your faves being their silliest, funniest selves. Laugh at them attempting to cook or cheating in games. Watch as many times as needed.
Reenact your favourite music video
You’ve been lying to yourself for months that you’ll learn the dances anyway. Time to cross it off your bucket list. All that sweating around will have you forgetting all your problems for a while at least, and you get to learn something new
Go on a marathon of your favourite band
Think of it as a listening party of all your favourite songs by them. You’re helping them get more streams, and it’s sparking joy. A win is a win.
Cook a Korean dish
Nothing too difficult or with ingredients that are too hard to find. Simple rice, cucumber kimchi and beef will do the trick. For bonus points, you can pretend you’re eating the meal with your faves.
Stalk your bias
Be more intentional about it than normal. Make a collage of your best pictures, imagine dyeing your hair the same colour as theirs, just savour it.
Shop for merch
Even if you don’t have the money to buy them yet just looking at them will fill your heart with so much happiness. But if you have money, buy something. Waiting for a package is an exciting feeling.
If you have an older sibling, you don’t know how lucky you are. You have someone to give you advice and clothes, someone who’ll always stand up for you when your parents are moving mad. But they struggle with things too. Their lives aren’t as perfect as it seems.
Having all the best things
As the older sibling, they bear the pressure of having all the nicest things. They need to get the coolest clothes and shoes for their younger siblings to steal. Must be rough.
It all starts with them I spending their childhood babysitting kids. Then by the ripe age of 25, they’re asking their siblings questions like, “Who’s that boy you’re talking to?” or “Is that the shirt you’re wearing to follow me outside?” They’ve been so close to your parents for so long, they start to act like them. What a shame.
Dealing with unhappy staff siblings
When the younger siblings were born, they thought they could breathe because their parents had given them unpaid house staff. But instead of the younger siblings to be happy to help, all they do is complain.
Being the favourite child
Not everyone can handle being their parents’ favourite. Which happens naturally to them because they stress them out the least by being perfect. As a reward, they have to willingly listen to all their parents’ stories ten times.
Watching your siblings grow old
As the older sibling, they get to watch their younger ones grow from screaming diaper-wearing infants to adults who drink their coffee black. They’re the only ones who remember in detail all the versions they’ve outgrown over the years.
Being poor because they spend all their money on bribes
They should be rich since they’ve been alive the longest, but alas, that’s not the case. Why? Because their siblings find tiny ways to bill them. They’ve bribed them to get out of trouble more times than any Nigerian politician trying to win an election.
Having all the best advice
As an older sibling, they have to deal with the constant headache of using their brain too much. They spend all their time acquiring experience with bad friends and horrible partners to advise their siblings in their time of need. It’s a thankless service they take for granted.
Dating an upcoming musician is hell, but you can live with it if they use a stage name. But an upcoming tiktoker? Their face is their brand, so how will you hide your shame? Imagine thinking you’re dating a human being then mid argument, they start dancing and whining their waist? Here are signs to look out for to avoid stories that touch.
They start saying “POV” before sentences
You can ask, “What do you want to do this weekend?” and they’d say, “POV: We go to the club”. Block that person, please. You’re single now.
They take screenshots of “cute” texts between you guys
Do they care that some apps announce screenshots? Absolutely not. Next thing you know, your ex who said you’d never find love is using the screenshot of your current partner telling you, “You sometimes look like the inside of a calabash, but they love you” to do, “This you?”
They’re always trying to teach you a new dance
Do they care that you’re 23 with the bones of a 72-year-old who jumped buses for 50 years? Nope, all they want from you is the validation of those 30 likes, 45 views and one comment.
Or dancing in the middle of an argument
If you had to think about this twice, it’s too late for you.
They do the randomest things to get your reaction
You too deep it. She bought you a post-Valentine’s Day gift? And you think you’re safe?
They share their password with you
No, they don’t trust you. They just don’t have time to cheat. All they want is for you to easily unlock the phone and record their little dancey dance on the main road at a moment’s notice.
Their phone is always charged
Have you ever met a Tiktoker with low phone battery? Exactly. If your partner is always charging their phone, or walking around with those giant power banks, it’s because they’re secretly recording TikTok content. Break up now before it’s too late.
They have two phones
How can anybody afford two phones in this economy? It’s because they need it to record all those “I just woke up” videos. Next thing you know, they’re waking you up every morning by six a.m. to film them.
You’re always getting pranked
At first, it was small things like recording you looking for your follow-come charger. Next thing, it’s you reacting to them cutting the 2k you you paid 500 to withdraw. Then, this upcoming tiktoker is “jokingly” using your certificate to wrap akara.
You don’t remember what hot food tastes like
Why? Because by the time they’ve finished recording videos of the food from all angles, like a poorly made Indian movie, all it tastes like is the money plus 17% tax you spent on it.
They buy a big ring light
Not those cute ones they can just attach to the phone and use at owambes. No, those gigantic ones photographers use to take pictures. If you don’t run, you’ll be the one carrying it around town last last.
They unbox things you know are not new
Before God and man, you know that hair product they just unboxed is empty and has been so for two months. Why would you want to date a liar, aka an upcoming tiktoker on purpose?
My name is Tega. I’m a musician who recently starred in the Netflix drama, All Na Vibes. I moved to Ibadan when I was nine. I moved around a lot because my parents were clergy people. And yes, I turned out the way you’d expect a pastor’s kid to: free, happy and living with nature. I like eating, playing games and watching squirrels walk around.
Mobolaji Johnson 2022
When did you start making music?
I started early. As a kid, I used to make choruses for my brother for fun. I was a big fan of Eminem and used to rap all his lyrics, even the ones I couldn’t hear. Back then, the only way to get lyrics was to wait ten minutes for the A-Z lyrics to load, or you listen, pause and write down each line on paper. The second process subconsciously helped me understand the way lyrics are put together, the syntax of a song.
Down the line, I tried to be a petroleum engineer then a computer scientist because I wanted to make money. You know you just want to make money when you’re a kid.
Isn’t Nigeria just catching up on the money-making side of computer science?
Yeah, that’s the cool thing. I got in early. I really liked computers and programming. At 15, I’d already imagined having my own tech company. I had this book where I drew and designed the uniforms my company staff would wear. I was also a big fan of Steve Jobs.
But then?
You know music. It comes out and tells you to say goodbye to all your other dreams. I started singing covers and posting on social media when I was in secondary school. Then I quit university in 2017. I was 17 and attending Federal University of Petroleum Resources, Delta State. I only stayed there two weeks before I left for Ibadan to stay with my brother who was at the UI, studying theatre and performing arts. I applied there and got admitted, but I didn’t accept the admission because I wanted to focus on music.
It was around that time I got a gig to play at Freedom Park, Lagos. Someone had gone through my Instagram and loved my covers. I was 18. It made me realise I really wanted to make a name for myself doing music on the road like the artists I admired. Fun fact: the road is bad; it’s full of traffic and potholes.
What did you do while you were at UI though?
I started performing. I even busked in public places for voluntary donations. People gathered, and some said I sounded so well. My best experience was playing my guitar somewhere around the student union building, when an old lady, one of the cooks, came out and was like, “I thought it was the radio.”
Were your parents okay with you quitting school?
When I quit the first time, it was to enrol in UI, so my parents were kinda cool with it. When I didn’t end up attending UI, it was strange because I thought they’d say no. In fact, I was willing to fight them. I already had my speech planned. But they just asked, “Is that what you want to do?” I said yes. They said, ok. I was a bit pissed by their response. It was almost like they didn’t give a fuck.
Now, I’m doing a music diploma, a songwriting thing in London. I’ll be back in Nigeria in September and probably get more juicy gigs.
In All Na Vibes, your character said he didn’t want to make dance music, but music his parents would be proud of. Can you relate to that?
Oh, that was just the director and the producer. It felt weird when they brought up that line because I don’t actually care about that. But I made it sound convincing.
Since you started making music full time, what has the journey been like?
It’s been insane. It started with that gig in Lagos. Mind you, I wasn’t even paid for it. I was young, so I didn’t really care. I thought it was just one of many, and that others would pay. But the industry doesn’t work that way. If you keep dishing out free gigs, you’ll keep getting free gigs. The older I got, the more I started to feel insane like I was wasting my time. The industry is fraught with people who want to take advantage of you, trying to get you to sign shitty contracts. I never did sign anything. I even got into a big fight with a guy who wanted to be my manager. I went from a scared, stressed-out kid to realising the industry is hectic, but it’s business.
But I did many things on the way, like starting a doughnut business with my brother in 2019. Before Krispy Kreme came to Nigeria, we attempted something like It in Ibadan, which I’m very proud of. I left the business because my music started doing fine.
Sounds like the industry showed you shege
There were moments when I felt like I’m almost there, I’m about to blow, like when I opened for Johnny Drille in 2019. That was the biggest crowd I’d ever played for. I thought all the hard work was just about to pay off, but the moment passed. That was when I understood I needed to have a plan and just stick to it, not caring when the big break would come but just enjoying the process.
I’m building something, and everything I do adds to the things I’ve already done. I’ve also since realised people love sincerity. People like to feel seen and heard when they listen to music, which is what I’ve been trying to do with mine. You’re telling people stories, so the least you can do is tell people what matters.
What does “blowing” mean to you?
I used to say I wanted to be famous, but now, I don’t even know. What a lot of artists struggle with when they become famous is maintaining a connection with fans on a personal level. Even a little fame would make you unable to respond to most of the feedback you get from fans. For me, blowing up is a long-run thing. It’s not about making one viral song. It’s about building something that inspires and outlives you, a legacy.
How did you go from putting all your eggs in your music career to being the lead character in All Na Vibes?
It was random. Remember I mentioned my brother studied theatre arts? He started a theatre group with a vision to change the industry. I cameoed as a random musician in one of the group director’s movies in Ibadan. He called me later, during COVID, and asked if I’d like to be in a movie. I wasn’t doing anything besides learning to produce music, so I said, let’s do this. I thought it’d just be a Youtube thing. I really don’t know what gave them the idea that I’d be good, but they trusted me with their project. Now, I’m a Netflix actor.
Will you continue acting, or is it a one-time thing?
I can’t really say. I’m not sure. I’m so nervous that I haven’t even seen All Na Vibes. I tried to watch the movie the night it came out, but as soon as I saw my face, I shut down the computer. First of all, I go very hard on myself, which I think I need to do less because, you know, everyone is allowed to grow. There’s that, and there’s the thing about other actors confirming that they also feel uncomfortable watching themselves in movies.
How alike are you and Abiola, the character you played?
He believes in a lot of conspiracy theories, and I wouldn’t say I believe them too, but I like asking many questions. You’ll find me in a wormhole of books, Wikipedia pages and Youtube, researching one topic because I want to know the truth. We’re quite alike in a lot of other things. We both make music. We’re chill people. He doesn’t have my charm, but he’s calmer. We’re different creatures at the core.
In the spirit of talking about conspiracies, do you have a super controversial take on music?
I feel like music you can download and play on your phone could and should be free. People should pay if they want to, but it should be available at zero cost. Many of the songs that inspired me when I was a kid, I don’t remember how I got them. They came to my phone by the power of the almighty. People shouldn’t be denied the chance to listen to music because they can’t pay for it. Digital music should be free.
Then how would you get paid as a musician?
You perform. There are a lot of other ways to make money from your music. If you go to my website, all my songs are there and downloadable for free. It’s how it’s always going to be unless I get signed to a label that controls everything, which I don’t want to do. Music should be free.
Mobolaji Johnson 2022
Interesting. Who do you make music for?
I write for people who are going through it, people who sometimes sit down to evaluate their life then feel grateful or pissed off about it. Basically, people who are aware of their humanity.
When I’m going through something, I make music to explain myself to myself. The emotions get so heavy that the only way to get them off my chest would be to write about them. For some people, when they feel something, they go punch a wall. For me, I just write, even if I never release the music. I might eventually make money from it, and people may feel so connected that they’d be willing to pay for it, but in the beginning, I write to explain myself.
Do you have a favourite song you’ve written?
I have many. But one of my favourites is To Be Missed, a song I did for All Na Vibes. The whole concept is me realising in 2018 or 2019 that we’re all designed to want to be remembered, especially when we’re not in a place anymore. It’s okay to feel a bit lost, or like someone who wanted you before doesn’t anymore. It’s human nature to feel that way.
It sounds like a heartbreak song. How many have you written when you were heartbroken?
Between 2018 and 2020, almost all the songs I wrote were about heartbreak, and I wrote many good songs then. Most musicians would agree that some of the best songs have come from heartbreak.
What are your fave heartbreak songs you didn’t write?
Sunburn by Ed Sheeran. I wish I was the one who wrote it. I likeLast Last. That’s a proper sad song. And you can make it even sadder if you sing it acoustically. But it’s a vibe. You know Nigerians will always make it a vibe, even if it’s sad.
Who or what influences your music?
Two of my biggest influences are Ed Sheeran and Passenger. But in recent times, it’s been places. The more time I spend in Ibadan, the more I fall in love with the place. I interact with it in a way that it starts to feel like a person and begins to inspire me. Nigeria inspired me to make angry songs like Gossip, from my old EP.
What does it feel like performing on stage to an audience holding on to every word?
No matter how many times it happens — though it doesn’t happen many times — it makes me feel like the world should just end. It’s just so consuming, it kind of makes you feel small. Or maybe it’s just me wanting to feel small in that moment. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s beautiful. I just want to embrace the moment and live in it in a way that’s not intrusive, and I can’t get too used to it so that it continues to feel special every time.
What’s the least or most you’ve been paid, whether in music or acting?
Today’s prices are not really like 2022’s. Last year it was in six digits. And I may not play in any show until September, when I’m back in Nigeria.
How fulfilled do you feel?
Very fulfilled. I’ve learnt to abide in everything I do, however great or small. I used to compare myself with others, but I have learnt that it doesn’t matter. Right now, I feel very fulfilled, doing exactly what I want and how I want it. I write and perform music, get paid for it, and I have songs people listen to. My 16-year-old self would be mindblown. I think that’s enough fulfilment for me.
What sort of legacy do you want to create?
Make albums of the highest quality. Do concept projects. I have onee coming out that I’ve been working on for a long time now. It’ll be out when I return to Nigeria. I don’t want it to be a collection of random stuff. There are stories behind it, and everything just works together to create this really cool, sweetcake album.
I also want to work on the performance scene in Lagos and Ibadan. One of my dreams is to have it more structured and easier for artists coming after me to find places to perform. Right now, I’m focused on putting out quality projects and collaborating with artists. When I return, I want to work with more people even outside my space.
Which Nigerian artists would you like to work with?
Lagbaja. Asa — she’s been at the top of my list since I was a kid. 2Baba, interestingly. His music isn’t the same again, but I plan to tap into 2Face of the 2000s. I want to work with Obongjayar too.
What are the struggles you face as an artist?
Making music regularly while always being online. It’s a lot to juggle as an artist.
What are you currently working on?
An EP, which will be out soon. Expect a minimum of four songs.
Some anime characters do things that make me wonder if everything is okay upstairs. Here are questions I’d ask seven of them, if they were real people.
Zenitsu – Demon Slayer
Question: What’s the colour of your problem?
Because imagine passing out and sleep-fighting during every fight in real life? The time he’d take to wake up is when they’d beat his ass. If you know him, tell him to answer my question.
Question: When can we form an “I love women” club?
I started (and failed to finish) rewatching the old Pokemon series with Ash and the gang, and so far, Brock is my favourite character because I, too, think women are queens. This guy is the original simp. He’d ditch his crew for a babe if she blinked at him. I get it sha; women should be worshipped.
Denji – Chainsaw Man
Normal anime main characters are motivated to succeed so they can prove a point to their haters. Denji just wants to know the touch of a woman before he dies.
My question is simple: Sir, have you considered being motivated by money? Money cures depression. I know because I’m happy as hell when I’m not broke.
Yumeko Jabami – Kakegurui
Question: Aunty, please, is everything okay at home?
Do your parents know all you do is gamble your life away in the school they pay money for you to attend? From the first time I saw Yumeko on screen, I knew this unhinged gambler would give me a headache. I wish I was wrong.
Yuji Itadori – Jujutsu Kaisen
Question: Did you maybe consider not eating the fingers of a demon? At any point, sir, did you take a step back or even try to poop or vomit the thing? I know it was for the plot o, but I’m just asking.
What was going through Yuji’s mind when he swallowed Sukuna’s fingers? He probably wanted to save Megumi’s life, but he’d only met him seconds before then. God, abeg for real.
Dustiness Ford – KonoSuba
Lalatina Ford Dustiness, BKA Darkness, is a masochistic crusader. This is important information because ever since I saw her in Konosuba, I just wanted to ask: “Why?”
This babe commits many failed “heroic” acts, not for the plot but because of her masochistic tendencies. She also lets the main character, Kazuma, verbally insult her because it “feels good”.
Every freaking character in Komi can’t Communicate
Question: Why are all of you like this?
To every single character except Komi, I pose these questions: Who are your parents? How did they raise some of the most “down bad” characters I’ve seen all in one anime? Why don’t you all have self-respect? Was it a prerequisite to get into the school?
People who choose to watch an ongoing K-drama instead of a finished one are God’s strongest soldiers. We know you’re one of them and will relate to these avoidable struggles.
Insane cliffhangers
When you binge-watch a completed drama, and an episode ends on a cliffhanger, you can just click on the next one, and your chest will stop being tight. But with ongoing ones, you get to sit with all your anxiety for a whole week, only to meet another cliffhanger at the end of the new episode. Fun stuff.
As if the weekly anxiety isn’t enough, the producers can decide to delay a new episode release for numerous reasons. Completed shows would never do that to you.
Online spoilers
If you don’t watch an episode as soon as it’s released, or after the day of grace some people try to give, just forget it. Spoilers at every turn, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
You might forget about the show
Especially if it’s not a weekend drama. You may lose interest or forget about the show because you started watching something else to fill your time.
Getting scammed by a false leaked episode
When you see all the fake sites saying they’ve leaked the new episode, against your better judgment, you’ll open it. Only to be met with the worst edit in the history of edits.
The withdrawals
Imagine going through all the above struggles only for the drama to have the audacity to end. Now, you don’t know what to do with yourself after ten weeks of watching the same show.
Restarting the cycle
Do you think people who put themselves through weeks of emotional turmoil would just stop? No nau. You’ll still find a new show, watch it weekly and wonder why you lowkey don’t have a life.
Someone begs you for money. Next thing you know, you’re begging them to return it. Wild. These 7 Nigerians share their worst experience with onigbeses.
“He used my money to do wedding” — Val
Around the end of 2022, I decided to start my fitness journey. That plan included getting a gym instructor. Tell me why this instructor decided to ask me for ₦20k. I hadn’t even trained with him for up to a month, so I wasn’t sure I could trust him, but I gave him ₦10k because he claimed his mum was sick. The following week, I started calling him, but he didn’t pick up. Then I heard rumours at the gym that the silly guy took money from different people for his big wedding. Nothing was even wrong with his mum. I’m now scared of gym instructors; the guy has scarred me.
“She asked for more money after three months” — Doyin*
There’s this former colleague of mine. We weren’t exactly friends, but we used to talk now and then. She texted me one day to ask for ₦20k and said she had to take care of some important stuff. We agreed she’d pay back in two weeks, but when the time came, I didn’t hear a word from her. I texted her two days after, and she sent a voice note apologising and even asked for my account number. One week later, still nothing. She started to claim network issues. After two weeks, she finally sent ₦10k. Then, she sent ₦5k the week later. I never got the remaining ₦5k because she said someone who was owing her would send it to me, and I got tired of chasing her.
Can you imagine three months later, she came to ask for ₦50k? Must be ment.
“He took my money and disappeared” — Foyo*
I had this friend who I’d known for a few months. He texted me on Instagram sometime in August 2017 to ask for ₦5k. I can’t remember the payment arrangement, but I know he practically disappeared. I tried to call and text, but he wasn’t responding. By October, when I texted him on IG requesting my money, he said he was disappointed I’d just sprung it up on him. He stopped replying my messages, and we never spoke again. I later found out that was his thing. I no longer lend people money because I can’t fight.
“He started asking why I decided to give him money” — Jima
In 2017, I gave a friend ₦10k for his final project. I was still in school then, so it was out of my allowance. When the time came for him to pay back, he started speaking in parables, saying things along the lines of “who sent me to give him money?” We were in different universities, so I couldn’t drag him by his trousers to pay.
Precious, wherever you are, know that God will judge you.
“He asked me to return a jersey he gave me” — Linda
My friend texted me that he needed me to send ₦10k to someone; he’d maxed out his account transaction limit and was going to repay me the next day. I kept calling, but he kept posting me. From September, the next time he texted me was February. He asked me for my account number and sent ₦4k. I didn’t even say anything.
After about a year, he followed me on IG again and posted about how he couldn’t wait for God to bless him so he could bless others. I replied saying he should be sure to send my ₦6k when it happens. Can you believe he said I have a bitter heart and was trying to act smart, but I was a thief? He asked me to return the jersey he gave me three years ago if I wanted my money.
“She started giving me one-worded responses” — Chi
When I was going on my industrial training, I decided to sell my hostel bed space. A friend of mine offered to buy it for ₦20k, and I agreed. We had mutual friends, I didn’t think it’d be a problem. But the first month came with no money, and the same thing happened in the second month. After pestering her, she sent me ₦5k on the third month. I continued to text her, but she wouldn’t reply. If she managed to respond, it’d be with one word. I got tired of dragging her eventually.
“She could afford to buy clothes and change her hair, but not to pay me” — Timi*
In my first year of university, I lent a close friend of mine the ₦18k I was supposed to use to register for a compulsory course. She needed to pay some dues or so and promised to repay a week after. But when the week came, she said she didn’t have it. For weeks, she kept coming up with new excuses, even though she could afford to buy new clothes and change her hair. She eventually paid on the day of my exam. Luckily, I’d saved enough to pay for the registration in time.
*Some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
The part of me that loved and was stressed out by 2022 K-dramas keeps fighting for dominance. But really, why did they do all that to me? If they weren’t telling me a fencer can’t get together with a reporter, they were stressing my favourite main character with the evilest antagonist ever. Here are seven things I don’t want to see in K-drama this year.
Stretching into two seasons
I beg all the pardons of all the God’s they believe in but K-dramas should be wrapped up in one season. I can’t deal with any more cliffhangers in this life. Not every drama needs a second season, for goodness’ sake. Just give all of them happy endings.
I don’t want to cry too much, please. Why am I crying real heartbreak tears for a drama? Last year, Korean drama writers gave us back-to-back tears, and no, please, it have do. Any drama that’ll end in tears, let the cup pass over all of us.
Rushed endings
They made dramas with two seasons, I took it. The drama made me cry, I took it. After doing all that, the ending will now still be rushed? That one, I won’t take. If I see any more K-dramas with the climax in the final episode, I’ll riot.
Wicked-ass antagonist
We really suffered with these antagonists last year. Good God. From Jin Mu to Won Sang-ah, just back-to-back wickedness with no character development. Please, it have do.
Plot holes
I won’t mention names, but again, why does your show have two seasons that just keep widening the plot holes? Allow me to recommend shows to people with my chest.
Too much slice-of-life
Please, we’ve had too many slices. I didn’t even know slice-of-life movies could make you cry until I started watching K-drama. Give me more action and romance where they actually end up together. Don’t slice any more lives.
Second lead syndrome on steroids
Usually, we’d feel bad for these guys;, sometimes, we’d even hate them. But the brand of second lead characters in 2022 K-drama made me sympathetic to their plight. None of them had happy endings, just yearning and sadness. There’s wickedness, and there’s that. Let it end in 2022.
Who doesn’t love that tension between the characters who are always fighting yet on the verge of realising they love each other? Nothing screams romance like a good enemies-to-lovers story, especially in K-dramas. We asked Nigerians what their favourite ones are, and here’s what they had to say.
Praise Edrah
I love Wang So and Hae Soo from Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo. They had such a wonderful love story, and I loved witnessing their growth. I particularly enjoyed how they helped each other become the best version of themselves.
I don’t think I’ve watched a lot of K-dramas with the enemies-to-lovers trope. Maybe I’m just too focused on the part where they fall in love to remember. But, my favourite would be Hometown Cha Cha Cha, which also happens to be my favourite K-drama of all time. Hye-jin and Du-sik weren’t exactly enemies at the beginning, but they didn’t really get along because they had very different outlooks on life. But as they spent more time with each other, they became genuine friends. There was so much depth in their conversations, all the tiny gestures of love were present. both Kim Seon Ho and Shin Min Ah did a stellar job with their roles. And it wasn’t just focused on them as the main leads, it was a story about everyone in the town, the side characters gave the series so much depth. Really, I could talk about why Hometown Cha Cha Cha is the best k-drama ever made, all day.
Also Gaus Electronics, which I just finished watching. It’s a workplace drama and these characters were actually proper enemies oh. I started watching it because I saw a tweet that said it was really funny, and truly it is. I’m yet to watch the last two episodes, but it’s already one of my favourite k-dramas. I love Kwak Dong Yeon. If you saw him in Vincenzo, you do too. It’s very typical enemies-to-lovers stuff — fake girlfriend, fake relationship, and before you know, it all becomes real. The part where Baek Ma Tan got up from his father’s house just to go and experience poverty is something else.
Rane
My favourites are Hometown Cha Cha Cha, Her Private Life, Scarlet Heart Ryeo and Touch Your Heart. Hometown leads went from always fighting to “I’ve lived 34 years without you, but each day seems to last forever since I’ve met you”. Every single character had depth, and they all loved each other, weirdly. I liked Her Private Life because it was giving office romance. She fell in love with the boss she hated, and everything else was just funny and lightweight. Scarlet Heart was great. Historical dramas always have umph.
Kokai
In no particular order: Alchemy of Souls — Mu Deok-i and Jang Uk were using each other when they fell in love; Shooting Stars — the superstar male lead picked on the female lead who accidentally sent a PR letter about his dick size. I love a great “funny with a nice ending” enemies-to-lovers story.
Zaynab
My favourite enemies-to-lovers K-drama is Our Beloved Summer. In most K-dramas the male lead always bullies the female lead until they end up liking each other, but that’s not the case here. Choi Ung was kind and gentle to Yeon Su even after she broke up with him in a horrible manner. The cinematography was beautiful, and the female lead was a strong character.
Athena
I’m a sucker for comedy and rom-coms, but good ones only occur when the actors have chemistry. I want to see the hate, jealousy, sadness or misunderstanding in your eyes, and I want to see it slowly change to love. My favourite of them all is Semantic Error. Chu Sangwoo and Jang Jaeyoung’s height difference? It was too cute. They made me wish I was one of the characters.
They were so sweet and fluffy that I almost had diabetes.
Nobody is saying you have a problem oh, but remember a year or 10 ago when you just “kind of” liked K-pop? Now, all you have is a terrible sleep schedule because you’re up late watching variety shows to spark joy in your life. And if you just started listening to K-pop, you’re well on your way to exhibiting these traits.
You and YouTube are besties
You spend too much time watching variety shows, music videos, behind-the-scenes interviews and live performances. No one is saying that’s bad, but check how long you spend on this app. At this point, your catchphrase should be “just one more episode”, liar isonu.
Weverse, VLIVE and all their family members, because the air you breathe — as it should be — is K-pop, and you must consume it everywhere.
Your fashion style isn’t for our weather
Your Google history is full of searches like “Korean street style”. Your parents don’t even complain anymore. How many times a day do you lie to yourself that you too could be fashion-forward if you had Jennie or Lisa’s wardrobe?
You don’t own your gallery anymore
Because it now belongs to your idols. It started as an innocent thing, saving one picture here or there, but now, you can’t find photos of your friends to post during their birthdays. To be fair, they too, should go and become K-pop idols if they want your attention.
You use K-pop lingo
You mention things like maknae, aegyo and bias in regular conversations like everyone understands what you mean. Bonus points if you sprinkle Korean phrases like kamsahamnida,saranghae and arasoand expect people to act like their brains have subtitles.
You’ve watched videos without subtitles
If you’ve gotten to this point, just admit your fate. If you’ve ever found yourself watching a K-pop video for four hours and smiling until you realise you don’t even understand a word of what they’re saying, pele, welcome to the club. We’re broke because we spend all our money on data and merch in this club.
Your social media looks like a fan account
As it should be when you’re supporting greatness, to be honest, but what happens when half of your followers now have you muted? They’ll see someone complaining about how plantain is more than ₦1500, next thing a K-pop artist is dancing the most complicated choreography ever created.
As the pound rate rises, we need new and innovative ways to keep up. Learning to vomit pounds is simply the first step in creating generational wealth, and we’re here to teach you how.
Vomit nairafirst
When it comes to vomiting foreign currency, you first need to learn how to vomit the local one. If you can’t vomit naira, how will pounds pass your throat?
Go on a diet
The pounds needs space to grow in your stomach. If your stomach is full of foods like semo and fufu, where will the pounds stay?
Pounds is not easy to vomit, so your throat needs to be well lubricated. You can ask a Yoruba man what he uses to lubricate his mouth before he lies. Maybe it’ll work for you.
Swallow all the things used to print money
If you swallow the paper, ink and other materials for printing money, it’ll mix in your stomach, and when you vomit, you’ll vomit pounds. This is simple logic. Just shake your body after swallowing all these things so they can mix properly.
Become an intern for an ATM
What vomits money better than ATMs? Nothing! That’s why if you want to become skilled in the art of pounds vomiting, you should study how an ATM operates. You need to learn from the master.
They say a closed mouth is a closed destiny, and they’re right. If your mouth is constantly closed, the poundss can’t come out.
Swallow pounds
If you swallow pounds, the seed will germinate in your stomach and you’ll vomit even more than you swallowed. If you need help with this act, find the snake that swallowed ₦36 million. It knows how swallowing currency works.
Nigerian women apologise for various ridiculous reasons, and we’re tired of it. These nine things are particularly more ridiculous than most, so don’t apologise for them. Everyone will be fine.
Taking up space
No matter what capacity you’ve chosen to take up space in, do it with your full chest.
Giving instructions
You’re someone’s oga. Why are you apologising for telling people to do their job? Do your bosses apologise when they tell you to work? No? Exactly.
Not having makeup on
You were not born with highlight on your nose and blush on your cheeks. There’s no reason why you should be apologising for walking around with the face you were born with. If people have a problem with it, they should remove their eyes.
Your period will come whenever and however it wants, without regard for your plans. It inconveniences your the most, so why apologise because you need to rest because of the pain? You weren’t created to withstand pain. Rest and don’t feel bad about it.
Having unlaid edges
If edges needed to be laid 24/7, we’d have been born that way. Why should you apologise for the hair that grows out of your head?
Not wanting to start a family
It’s alright to live a life alone. If that’s what makes you happy, why should you apologise for it? It’s not like the people hounding you to get married and have children will pay for any of it or deal with the stress for you. They should get out.
Be it in relationships or work, if you deserve better, don’t feel bad for asking for it. You know your worth, so you shouldn’t apologise for asking that other people see it too.
Choosing yourself
Your happiness is more important than whatever people expect of you. If they don’t like the life you’re living, they should leave you alone. You do not owe people a life that causes you discomfort and unhappiness.
Not knowing how to cook
Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you were born with a spatula. Everyone should rest.
Everyone hated having to wake up early on Sunday morning. Sunday school was either our heaven or hell, depending on if you memorised last week’s memory verse. Since it’s Sunday school teachers appreciation day, we want to recognise the different types of Sunday school teachers who made Sundays so… eventful.
The bougie one
This Sunday school teacher was everyone’s fave. She never punished and always had the most incredible church songs. All the kids loved her and felt safe telling her about anything they struggled with. She’d always make you feel like you’re on the set of one of those kids’ shows like Barney. She genuinely believed in every single kid and made them all feel special. Her kids were always the best Sunday school kids, and everyone wanted to be their friends.
This Sunday school teacher was super strict, but everyone wanted to impress them for some reason. they’d give like 20 assignments, and people would never forget to do them because they were terrified of what they’d do. They werealso the type to use every free time to teach valuable life lessons or play games like sword rule. they’d scold parents for bringing you to church late or beating you.
The temporary one
The newcomer in church who didn’t know where they wanted to belong yet. Kids mostly took advantage of their naivety, telling them there was no memory verse the week before, and they’d never argue. Of course, they never last long in the Sunday school department. It’s usually more tedious than they signed up for.
The guy
In every Sunday school department for kids, there was always “the guy”. There could never be more than one of them at a time. He was usually young enough for the kids to want to be his friend but old enough to marry the woman in the ushering department he’d been dating for two years. He always used modern-day analogies to teach kids, to make them feel seen, and always promised to buy the best student expensive gifts — sometimes, he did. Hard not to like him TBH.
The party aunty
The youngest teacher, nobody actually knew what class she taught because she was everywhere. All the kids wanted to be her favourite, but she somehow loved everyone equally. She always came up with the best choreographies and funniest drama skits. She was also responsible for those rare Sundays when they bought biscuits and drinks kids liked instead of Cabin biscuit.
The oldest old-school woman
Her Sunday school classes were always boring, and she gave assignments, but thankfully, always forgot about them. She was probably a teacher before she retired and used Sunday school to relive her glory days. Ask yourself if you remember one topic she taught, and the answer would be no.
The one everybody hates
As soon as it was their turn to teach, everyone would start groaning. They never smiles and doesn’t make or take jokes. You’d somehow copy seven pages worth of notes, and they always wanted to mark it. They gave the hardest, most introspective notes, and the worst part? They didn’t even know that people hated them, including the other teachers.
The purity culture queen
Every Sunday school group had one of these. They always worked with teenagers and would always tell stories about how they were bad kids back in the days, pursuing boys, smoking and sneaking out. If they didn’t turn every Sunday school lesson into a purity culture session, they’d probably be sick. They’d be so cool if they tried, but you couldn’t really hate or love them because teenagers hate being told what to do.
The one who flogs and punishes
This one was just the evil spirit of Sunday school teachers. They always held a cane, especially for their own kids. Every Sunday, they’d appear with a new cane. All they knew how to do was remind the one everyone hated that they gave assignments and the one everyone loved to hate that they told people to memorise Psalm 91. God, abeg.
I love how anime watchers are a mix of different and exciting people these days.
There are the ones who never let us forget that they watched older shows like Sailor Moon, Dragonball, and Yu-Gi-Oh. The newbies probably started with Tokyo Ghoul, Dororo, Demon Slayer or Fire Force.
The elitist
If you hate that you like anime sometimes, it’s probably because you met some of these people. They believe in gatekeeping anime and are always ready to mock newbies. They’ve seen every anime ever made, and no matter how great your favourite anime is, it’s immediately mid to them. Why? Because they said so. Lord help you if you mistakenly tell them that you watch English-dubbed anime. They think they have the best taste and every conversation you have with them ends in an argument.
They’re so innocent, always asking for recommendations and watching everything. They don’t argue because they haven’t seen enough shows. These ones still get shocked when they stay awake till six in the morning watching anime.
The indie watcher
The indie watchers think they’re better than everyone else because they don’t watch mainstream anime. They kind of are, to be honest. If they recommend an anime, chances are, it’ll be very artsy but good.
They become a little overbearing when you tell them you’ve seen an anime they’ve watched. The next thing it’s, “It wasn’t even that good”, “ I sha watched it first” or “I don’t even like it like that”, because God forbid you have good taste.
The casual fan
These people pride themselves as the most unproblematic types of fans, and they are. The causal fans have seen every popular anime, a bunch of indie anime, and at least one old anime like Sailor Moon just because. They don’t care about the subbed or dubbed discourse. Wetin concern them? They’re big fans, but their whole personalities don’t revolve around anime. They think anime fandoms are a little problematic, so they’re always observing from a distance, and I don’t even blame them.
The cosplayer
Not only do they love certaincharacters, they also want to live them out physically. They spend so much time detailing their outfits and rewatching the shows they like to master the mannerisms of the characters they want to cosplay. They’re almost as wholesome as the newbies, and it’s nice seeing them be so enthusiastic about what they love — when they’re not over-sexualising a character’s outfit.
If you’ve never met one of these people, you don’t know what God has done for you. They are almost as annoying as the elitists because how have you only seen one anime and somehow think it’s the best? I’m talking to you Naruto lovers, and it’s always them. They know everything imaginable about the one show they like, and that’s about it. They’re only fun to be around if you enjoy their favourite show.
The former fan
We get it, you’re older, and suddenly, anime is childish to you. Peak cinema, to them, is every bad series about someone breaking out of prison or some weird obscure psychological thriller. For people who claim to hate anime a lot, their entire personality is the fact that they “Hate anime” and think that “Anime is for losers”.
These kinds of bad vibes make people miserable; just saying.
The Seiyuu nitpickers
These types of fans make you feel like you’re a terrible person. What do you mean you can tell that the same person voiced Dabi from My Hero Academia and Zenitsu from Demon Slayer? They even have a favourite voice actor and know every character voiced by that person. Watching anime with them can be annoying; you’ll hear complaints that the voice acting doesn’t fit the character. Okay boss, go and do it and let me hear word.
The Manga readers
These people usually mind their business and read their manga whenever a new chapter drops. You barely hear from them until they watch the anime of whatever manga they’ wee reading, and then it’ll bes everybody’s problem. They’ll complain about how one thing is missing from the source manga, spoil characters’ deaths for non-readers and boast about how the fights were better in the manga. Every small conversation ends with them saying, “Just read the manga.” Okay na, I don’t want to read. Come and beat me.
The Activists
Say all you want about them; they are my favourite types of anime fans. They are criticising problematic aspects of anime culture, like the fetishisation of women in anime with ginormous boobs, the lack of strong female leads in anime, how Attack on Titan is every imperialist dream, etc. They’re by far my favourite types of fans because it’s about time people called out all these things.
For many young Nigerians, especially those with strict parents, moving out and gaining your freedom may be the only legit thing to look forward to in adulting.
But what happens when, for whatever reason, you have to move back in with your parents after getting a taste of freedom? And no, I’m not referring to the fake one where you move out for university but your parents still foot your bills.
I’m talking about moving back in after you’ve lived in the real world on your own. Are there changes to the relationship dynamics? I asked five people who’ve experienced this, and got interesting responses.
“I’m this close to breaking down”
— Fatima*, 29
I got separated from my abusive husband around December 2021 and moved back in with my parents (I’m still with them). My dad has been really supportive — he was the one who encouraged me to choose my life over marriage — but my mum is a whole other issue.
She doesn’t outrightly say anything, but I can tell she wishes I’d stayed with my husband. She’s steady dropping passive-aggressive hints. I work from home, so I’m always with her too. If I stay in the study for more than 30 minutes, she’ll start murmuring about how she’s the only one caring for the house, or how idle hands always cause trouble.
I’m honestly tired. I’m currently trying to save up as much as possible to rent my own place before I lose my mind.
I moved back in with my parents four months ago, after I was forcibly kicked out of my apartment because I owed rent. I had just lost my job, and finance was really tight. I struggled to share it with my parents, but they eventually found out and basically forced me to move back home.
I thought it’d be awkward, but it’s actually been great. My parents relate with me like friends — I guess this is because I’m now an adult — and they respect my space. I’m slowly getting my finances together and should get another place soon, but it’s not been bad.
“They respect me more”
— Olaedo*, 27
I moved back in with my parents in 2020 just before the lockdown, because I wanted to spend that period with them. The short stay eventually became somewhat permanent when I got laid off, and I eventually got another job close to my parent’s house in 2021.
I’ve noticed that they respect me more. They don’t police my decisions, and they seek out my input on important matters. The only side effect is, my mum wants me to get married tomorrow.
“Black tax wants to kill me”
— Gifty*, 26
I decided not to renew my rent in 2021 because my roommate got married, and I couldn’t afford it by myself. So, I had the bright idea to move back in with my parents and cut costs for a while.
Omo, it’s hard. My parents see me as an adult, which is true, but it means they expect me to provide for the house. I know I’m supposed to help out, but not to this extent, biko. Plus, I have younger siblings. Do the math.
“I feel like a part of their marriage”
— Dayo*, 27
I returned to Nigeria in April [2022] after spending six years in the UK, and decided to stay with my parents for a while.
It’s cool and all, but it suddenly made me realise their marriage isn’t as perfect as I thought it was. Now when they have issues, they take turns reporting each other to me, expecting me to take a side. I guess they feel like I’m old enough to take it, but I’d rather not be involved.
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*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
As an anime fan, people will never truly understand the pains and struggles you face to find the perfect place to watch anime. But I get it.
Here’s everything that happens when you watch anime illegally.
When it’s English-dubbed, even though it’s labelled “English-subbed”
You don’t know heartbreak until this nonsense happens to you. You’ll finally find the anime you’ve been looking for, it’s clear and you’ve passed through all the pop-up ads. Only for the theme song to finish playing, and the most Asian-looking face starts speaking the worst American accent. It’s to go and sleep. One day for the thief, innit?
It somehow always chooses the worst scenes to hang
We don’t talk enough about how anime disgraces us. If I had a dollar for every time I had to explain to someone that nothing weird was happening in whatever anime I was watching, it just stalled at an odd-looking scene, I would have enough to pay to watch anime legally. I need a support group, please. I’m sick of defending myself.
The fake invites from milfs to “come over”
Sometimes, I wonder if people actually click those links. Like, ma’am, I’m a focused person, please. I came here to watch animated characters shout out their attacks so their opponents can win easily. I’m not here to find love.
Only finding the chibi version of the anime
One day, this will be my 13th reason. I can’t count how many chibi versions of anime I saw when I first started watching anime. I have nothing against chibi anime oh, just give me the one I asked for first, and then, maybe I’ll come back for this version when I’m bored. I can never unsee the chibi version of Dazia from Bungo Stray Dogs trying to commit Suicide.
When you can’t find the anime is on the site because they didn’t use the English title
Sometimes, I wonder if this anime obsession is worth all the suffering I go through to watch something that’ll probably break my heart. Who randomly knows how to spell Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku wo! in a hurry? If you do, this is not a safe space for you, please.
The “You can’t last 10 seconds in this game”
Okay, but did I come to your site to play one yeye game? I came to watch anime, so why are you asking me to put my card details? Also, why do they think we won’t last? Do they know our capabilities? How do you come to that conclusion on a site where people watch hundreds of episodes of a show at a go? Mtceww, unserious people.
When you finally find the anime, and there’s no subtitle
It’s shit like this that makes most anime fans learn Japanese. If this hasn’t happened to you at least twice, how does it feel to be God’s favourite? This is the final boss and where I usually give up because anime will not kill me for my mother, abeg. Nonsense and rubbish.
As a Nigerian, it’s okay to ask your friend if “dem they crase” as a joke. These simple everyday phrases are so normal that they might want to slip out at work. No try am sha. That’s where we come in. All those insults you want to throw at your boss? Here’s how to turn them into corporate speak so you don’t lose your job.
You sure say your head correct so?
You self look am, you can think it, but you can’t actually say things like these in a proper workspace. Not like that, at least. Dust that dictionary and change it to something sweet like: “Can you confirm that we are both mentally aligned….” You have to be coded with these things.
Nobody is indispensable oh, so before this jumps out of your mouth. Take a deep breath and say this instead: “Kindly inform me where your input was requested in this matter”. This one self get as e be. They might still give you small query, but we move, innit?
How e take be my problem?
Everyone has that coworker from hell whose primary duty is to stress you with their problems. The next time they ask you if you’re available to work on something last minute, instead of letting your village people use you, say this instead: “I understand the urgency of your situation. However, I am unable to prioritise it over my current task”. They’ll always think you’re nice for even replying.
Una no dey pay me for this one
See, I understand. Sometimes, the frustration dey choke. People will pay you ₦50k to work 12 hours, five days a week, and still call to ask you to work on the lord’s day. That ₦50k no dey hold bele, but it’s better than nothing, so say this instead: “These additional tasks are an expansion of my role. Is there a plan to review my role and compensation to reflect them?” English sweet die. Last last, they will either increase your pay or double the work. The heart of man is desperately wicked.
You dey talk nonsense
“I am struggling to understand what you’re communicating”. It’s that simple. It’s not even choosing violence because if you do rubbish based on the nonsense you didn’t understand, you might get fired.
Who send you message?
For every one Nigerian in existence, there are 10 billion busybodies. Check the Zikoko bureau of statistics if you don’t believe me. Sha, some people like to overdo, and while it’s okay to say, “Who send you message” to your work bestie, these busybodies always take things personally, so try this instead: “Are you certain you’re the appropriate person to execute this task?”
You dey behave like evil spirit
“Are you familiar with the occult? Because sometimes, you exhibit occultic traits”. But as you are saying this one, clear your table just in case. In fact, maybe get a new job in another country two months in advance, make evil spirit no spoil your hustle.
If you’re no longer sure what direction your relationship with your friend is going, here are seven signs to look out for that’ll let you know the relationship is coming to an end.
They almost always ghost you
They keep leaving you in the middle of conversations. If you check your text threads, it’s always you trying to reach out and heal the communication gap. It’s because they’ve already cut you off.
They no longer value your friendship, so they don’t feel compelled to keep secrets you tell them. Anyone and everyone is privy to your business.
There are gaps in information between you
You’re struggling to fill in pieces of information on the timeline of their life. It’s because they no longer tell you when important things happen to them. You’re out of the loop.
You struggle to hold conversations
On the few times you find a chance to link up or talk, you find it diffcult to talk about anything because you’re both overthinking what to say. It no longer feels natural.
They’re always trying to one-up you
Whenever you tell them something about yourself that makes you sad, they try to bring up something in their life to make you feel like your problems are not all that.
They’re always unavailable
Whenever you reach out to them for a chance to hangout, they’re suddenly unable to. It’s because they don’t want to spend time with you.
You constantly make excuses for them
Because they’re totally unavailable to you, you tend to cover up for their behaviour when you eventually get to spend time with them.
RELATED: Sunken Ships: Our Friendship Ended Because of My Childishness
When Dream won the fight against the devil in TheSandman, I heard the “inspirational music”. You know the one where you can tell that the good guy is having a good time or winning, and it makes you excited and happy? The music gets faster, and it sounds like children are giggling softly, and the tempo rises gradually. Yeah, that one.
It immediately hit me. I haven’t felt like I’m about to be taken on an adventure of a lifetime in years. It made me feel hopeful. For what? I don’t know, but I guess that’s the point of these movies. I don’t associate my childhood with many good memories — and honestly? I don’t even trust my memory, but it made me miss the childish innocence of believing in magic.
The backstory
I was that kid that grew up convinced fairies exist, convinced that trolls lived under bridges, elves hid in tired cupboards, and there’s magic around. You just couldn’t see them because you didn’t believe or because humans had hurt them too much, and they wanted to remain unseen. Humans have a horrible track record of dealing with nice things anyway; just look at the story of the garden of Eden.
Did someone say delusional?
Do you know how tapped you must be to stay up past 12 as a nine-year-old waiting to see your toys come alive or a fairy coming to grant a wish? In Nigeria?
I can’t even judge little me because life’s tough, and I’m pretty sure these movies saved me at a point when I needed an escape.
It’s one thing to read the books and come to ridiculous conclusions about what a creature from a fantasy world looks like. Can you imagine watching The Lord of the Rings as a child, seeing that evil skeleton baby man Smeagol and thinking, yeah, fantasy movies are my drug of choice? This is appealing. We die here?
But things don’t just appear from nowhere, and if we can have real-life tales of witches turning children into yam, why can’t kind witches who give you nice things exist?
Imagine already being the skinny, quiet tiny kid younger than everyone in your class and then when you talk to someone, your mouth says things like this,
Hi, I’m Kai. I’m a Slytherin, a Whovian, a demigod, a divergent, a Narnian, a wallflower, a shadow hunter, etc. I imagine it must have been exhausting for the people I met. Eventually, after years of trying to drown this part of me, I met people who enjoyed everything about living in a fantasy like me. People unwilling to face reality. Or maybe that’s just the “adult” in me talking because what’s so amazing about being present in this reality? You breathe too much, and you’ve spent 20k. It was too late though, the me that was a believer had already died.
The tragedy of growing older
I watched and consumed all these stories and movies to escape, for them to save me, and half of their central theme was that no one would come to do that. I had to save myself.
But I’m glad I’m a walking encyclopaedia of magical jargon. Maybe one day I’ll get my letter, and it’ll be worth the obsession. No, not the one from Hogwarts; OGs knew that the better letter was the one from The Magicians.
Sometimes, when I miss the person I used to be before the cynicism that comes with being an “adult” kicked in, I go back to watch all those movies: Narnia, Percy Jackson, Eragon, Star Wars, Harry Potter, Jumanji, and every Studio Ghibli and Tim Burton movie ever. But they don’t feel the same. All that sense of wonder I used to feel is now much more fleeting.
These movies taught me everything I’m made up of at my core. They stressed the importance of friendships and found-families. They grounded my need for adventure, taught me the importance of believing in myself, that it’s okay to be a little different and that there can be magic in the mundane too.
Still, the further I strayed from my childhood, the less I believed in these things and the sadder I became. All I’m left with is a painful awareness of whatever real life is.
The end
So here’s a tip: if a child or person in your life likes something enough to make it their entire personality, if they’re not hurting anyone or behaving like an incel, just let them be. Allow them enjoy their shit before they stop believing in it. Most of them will outgrow it anyway, but the best people? They’ll stay that way forever, and society is always better with people like them.
When they can see the things they enjoy being created, they always go out and make them. You name everything from animations to movies, books, cosplaying, and music. The world needs more dreamers.
There’s a lot that I can thank my parents for, but I’m glad they let me consume such ridiculous amounts of magical media I enjoyed growing up. I’m convinced that I had a great childhood. My therapist will say otherwise, but what does she know?
In all this, I hope people never stop creating movies about children being transported to fantasy lands, magical old men talking in riddles, talking animals and kind fairies who give good gifts. Because there will always be that one kid these movies will save, and there’s no better way for a person to appreciate your art than making it their entire personality.
K-drama fans will never admit it, but sometimes these dramas are too long. So, imagine loving one enough to watch it more than once, just because it makes you feel good? We spoke to six Nigerian K-drama fans about their comfort K-dramas and here’s what they had to say.
Jazz (21) — Reply 1988
Reply 1988 is a really beautiful show about five different families living on the same street, that mainly focuses on the relationship between the children from each of the families.
As someone who’s always found solace in friendship more than family, It’s so comforting watching their friendship blossom from childhood to adulthood. It reassures me that friendship can be enough. It touches on so much: loneliness, love, friends from different social classes and how they support each other. Also, the OST is so good, I listen to it all the time. Everyone needs to watch it. Even though the episodes are long AF — each episode is about 90mins — they’re totally worth it.
I’ve watched it about four =times and I can’t count how many times I’ve rewatched some of the episodes. It’s soft and emotional, so keep your tissue nearby ‘cause you’ll definitely cry a lot.
I have different comfort Kdramas for different phases of my life. My comfort K-drama as a teen was Jang Bo Ri. I must have watched it like 400 times.
Currently, it’s Dali and Cocky prince. It’s my comfort K-drama because it has all the elements I love. It’s romantic with a strong female lead who stands up for herself and everything she loves. Also, it’s a love story between an artsy girl and an abrasive guy from the food industry beating their enemies together. It was just very refreshing, had a lot of surprises, and had a cuteness overload.
I fall in love with Dali every time I see her cute face and those two curly strands she always leaves out when she styles her hair. Not to mention, it’s also funny. It’s one of the most enjoyable K-drama series I’ve seen in a while and this is me picking it over Alchemy of Souls and Extraordinary Attorney Woo.
Milola (25) — Goblin and Tale of the Nine Tailed
Goblin is a tragic story, but there’s something very warm and comforting about it.
Tale of the Nine-Tailed, on the other hand, is hilarious and has two of my favourite Korean actors. I’m guaranteed a laugh every time I rewatch it.
If I had to recommend them to someone, I’d describe Goblin as one of the most satisfying takes on a story that has been told over and over again. It’s an emotional rollercoaster everyone should experience at least twice in their lives.
Seki (20) — The Heirs
The Heirs is from a simpler time when popular K-dramas were all about rich guy-poor girl relationships. Except it’s different because both main characters had really complex feelings. And even though both characters were young they articulated them well. All the side characters were also well developed. I’ve seen this series about five times now. Who wouldn’t enjoy a romantic drama about a boy finding himself and trying to fix and maintain relationships with everyone around him?
Nnenna (22) — Search WWW, Be Melodramatic, Age of Youth and Thirty Nine
All four of them are girls’ type of K-drama. The genre is female relationships and figuring out life, both personal and professional, with other women. I like it because it shows how very different women can love each other through everything. They also show how all women don’t have to be friends without villainising the characters.
In these series, there’s no “evil woman out for your life” trope, just women with other interests figuring themselves out. Sometimes you don’t click but you can still respect each other. They also show women navigating misogyny and rape culture. But even beyond that, they show joy and strong friendships because sometimes you just need your babes in your corner.
I’ve seen all four shows multiple times. And if I had to describe them to someone, I would say, imagine a video edit of Jonathan and David from the bible with Best Friend by Saweetie and Doja Cat as the background music.
Vicky (53) — Vincenzo
I’ve seen a lot of K-dramas because of my kids, so picking one is difficult. I used to love The King’s Heart but that’s old now. The most comforting drama I’ve seen in a while is Vincenzo. The situations these characters found themselves in felt real. The show was equal parts hilarious and intense when necessary. I loved that it emphasized the need for community with how all the tenants bonded and fought for what they believed in. Vincenzo is also a handsome guy, he looked harmless but could be capable of great evil, but that’s what makes him who he is.
He never pretended to be anything other than he was. I loved all the twists and was happy to see the good people win in the end. I usually prefer romantic K-dramas but I’m going to be watching Vincenzo for a long time.
With many Nigerians’ behaviours influenced by culture and religion, expressing gratitude even for the barest minimum is seen as a sign of respect. So here are some of the very basic things Nigerians love to be appreciated for.
Refunding money they borrowed
Even if it’s your money, don’t you know that times are hard? They could have easily run off with your money, faked their death, or simply just refused to pay back. But they didn’t, so you should be grateful, kneel down and thank them profusely for doing you the favour of returning your own money.
Telling you the truth
Because Nigerian men are prone to lying, they like to be appreciated for simply telling the truth. Talking about, “You should be happy I told you the truth; what if I had lied?”
Having sex with them
Sex is hard work, so if you find someone that can go three whole rounds without muscle cramps, and also make you cum, maybe you should thank them actually.
Don’t you know that follower count is almost as important as body count? If not, why would they be replying “ifb” under every viral tweet? So if someone does you the honour of following you, maybe you could should a little more gratitude? The same thing applies to people that interact with your content. Be saying thank you for each comment, please.
Nigerians want you to thank them for patronising you, for paying the price y’all agreed on or just even paying you at all tbh.
For rendering a service
What’s better than paying Nigerians in cash? Paying in many thanks and gratitude. If you don’t agree, just go to your local hairdresser and attempt to leave after paying without saying thank you first.
Nigerians love reality shows, especially ones packed with drama, sexual content, and promises of chaos. This is why Big Brother Naija (BBNaija) has become a national favourite. And even though each season comes with a different theme or twist, one thing remains constant — the characters of the housemates on the show.
The Ladies’ man
Every season, there’s a dangerously attractive male housemate. Tall handsome and a 10/10 actual spec. He has women in and out of the house fawning over him. Even though BBNaija Season 7: Level Up has just started, it’s clear who has this title already.
Miss endowed
These ones have a banging body and they live to flaunt it. Unarguably the curviest female in the house, they may appear vain and superficial but they’re smart and never take their eyes off the bag.
Upcoming artist
Some people get into the Big Brother house for the experience, others for the prize money. And then there are the ones who just want to sell their music. Makes us wonder why they didn’t go for Nigeria’s Got Talent instead. But with previous winners like Efe, Laycon, and Whitemoney, this seems like a winning strategy?
The one with an accent, init
There’re two kinds of people here. On one hand, we have those who were either born abroad, schooled there, or travel abroad a lot. They’re not really there for the money, and it shows. You have to listen closely to what they’re saying to understand them.
Then there’s the one that went to Dubai once and somehow developed an Ameri-Igbo accent. You also need to pay attention to hearing them because their accents are as unstable as the national power grid.
The cook
Husband or Wife material 100 yards. They use Nigerians’ love for food to win the other housemates over. We can’t tell if they genuinely like cooking or if cooking is their strategy.
Life of the party
They aren’t necessarily the best dancers but their burst of energy and jolly vibes make them the highlight of every party. We look forward to the Saturday night parties especially because of them.
It’s too early to call it this year, but I have my eyes on Phyna, the hype mistress, and Chichi, the exotic dancer.
The micro-celeb
Whether it’s Instagram influencers or ex-beauty Queens, there’s always someone with a considerable level of social media before entering the house. We once had Tacha; last year we had Liquorose and this year it’s Hermes. I mean, if you’ve been in Davido and Burna Boy’s videos, you’re celeb material.
Married man
Is this a good idea for married people to be part of this reality show? Maybe not, but they add extra plot thickening.
The trouble maker
What’s a reality show without vawulence? Nigerians hate peace, so they’re always on the lookout for the most likely to throw hands. And there’s always that housemate that delivers. Even though their fellow housemates might hate them and they may be tagged controversial, they have a lot of supporters on the bird app.
Games master
With the amount of truth or dares they play in the house, it only makes sense for someone to volunteer as the self-acclaimed games master. They put so much energy and passion into coordinating games, we wonder where that energy is during the Head of House games.
When my father decided to sell the land beside our house, a prospect said he needed it for an adult school. Imagine our surprise when kids moved into the building after it was completed.
Based on this experience, here are some sounds no one wants to wake up to after moving into a new apartment:
Noises from children
Whether they’re singing at the assembly, laughing or reciting the two times table. Nobody deserves to suffer like that, certainly not for kids who aren’t yours.
Church bells
The moment you hear church bells, just know you’re in trouble. Because what happens when they decide to hold a 7-day revival, a crusade or even early morning prayers?
And you can’t even tell God to push them away, so you just sit and cry.
Nothing good comes out of landlord visits, everyone knows that. We’d rather he texts us whatever he has to say even.
Domestic animals
There should be laws against rearing animals in residential areas tbh. Because not only are they noisy, they also smell a lot. Imagine going through the torture for meat you’re not even going to eat.
Many Nigerians have decided it’s better to be patriotic from abroad than to stick around for things to get better, and can we blame them? The country is after our lives.
While you’re happy about your loved ones’ japaing, it’s also valid to feel sad, upset, frustrated, jealous even. Don’t take my word for it; here’s what these Nigerians had to say about being left behind.
“I don’t know how many more goodbyes I have in me” — Bola
My really close friend travelled a while back, and I was devastated, to say the least. I’d been aware of the whole process, but when it hit was when he got his visa. I was overjoyed — I’m not a witch — but I was also very sad because it could be the end of our friendship. I’ve started to think seriously about relocating because everyone around me seems either ready to leave or in the process, and I don’t know how many more goodbyes I have in me.
“We weren’t close, so it didn’t make a difference” — Esther
It was pretty much a relief for me. My sister getting her visa meant she could join her husband who left a year before. Asides from that, we hadn’t been close for a long time, so her relocation didn’t make a difference to me.
“I was heartbroken for the first couple of months” — Emma
Both my siblings are out of the country, so I’m experienced in this subject matter. However, the reactions were a little different for both of them — my elder sister left when I was younger and in boarding school, so even though I was sad, I didn’t feel it so much.
But because my younger sister and I really bonded over COVID, I was heartbroken for the first couple of months after she left. It’s been a year now, and even though I still miss her, I think the distance has helped us grow. My elder sister and I are even closer now.
“We don’t have enough memories” — Flo
Having people you care about leave just makes you sad. It makes you question yourself like “What are you doing with your life? When will you be ready for this big change too? Is relocating even something you want?”
When you get past that part, you realise you haven’t made enough memories with the person, and that’s the sad part because you can’t even say what will happen after they leave, you can only hope they don’t forget you in the end.
“I didn’t expect to feel as sad” — Bankole
A friend of mine who also happens to be my coworker told me he was leaving in a month, and I was sad. I didn’t expect to feel as sad as I did because we had a misunderstanding some months ago that put a dent in our friendship. But with him leaving, the fight seems so trivial now, and stupid.
“I’ll miss her, but I’m looking at the bigger picture” — Temi
My cousin leaving for the UK is one of the best things to happen with the country falling apart. Yes, I’ll miss her, but I’m looking at the bigger picture — her being there is all the motivation I need to be serious with my plans in the coming year.
“It’s like I’ve missed out on friendships that would’ve been” — Adebo
Over the years, I’ve had my sister and at least three close friends relocate. I’m so happy for them, I switch between asking them to come visit and advising them against stepping foot in Nigeria. But nothing takes away the feeling that I’ve missed out on friendships and relationships that would’ve been. It’s even worse when they move to places with different time zones from mine. My best friend is going to leave soon. Just thinking about it makes me shed tears because he’s my last close friend around.
“Our famous Warri beans pie is actually an intercontinental dish”, was what his Whatsapp status read, and because I’d lived in Warri, I actually knew the snack he was referring to. I commented on the post, we had a good laugh, and then, this conversation.
Up until I left home in 2017, I’d thought everyone knew these foods, or at least, heard about them. But every time I reminisced about the street foods I grew up on, I raised a few brows — and that’s when I realised how unique they are.
I’d never learnt how to make any of these foods, even though I knew most of the ingredients and processes involved by heart. The food just slapped better when it was bought off the streets of Delta State. Not having access to these foods now, has to be one of the biggest culture shocks I’ve experienced moving to the East.
I grew up in Delta State, Warri to be precise. And in my 20-plus years, I just might’ve tried all the street foods available there; from madiga to kpokpogarri, esikpokpo and abolibo fish even. But if I had to choose one, it’d be madiga paired with corned beef and Blue Band margarine.
Madiga is baked flour, like bread but stronger and in small hand-size squares. I like to think of it as a local jawbreaker because I don’t think anyone can go through four without having a toothache. I don’t believe there’s anyone in Warri who hasn’t had madiga because it’s everywhere there.
If you want to add a twist, you can eat it with esikpokpo — pork stock or juice, if you may. I know how it sounds, but you’d be surprised how great it tastes.
We had a woman who sold snacks in my high school, and for sure, most of my pocket money went to her. When I wasn’t obsessing over madiga, it was coconut candy — fried coconut shavings wrapped in honey — and on some days, Kpokpogarri — dried cassava sold with groundnut, salted or not.
While others looked forward to Sunday rice, I couldn’t wait to have the end-of-service bean pie. My parents attended an Anglican church and the services went on forever, my friends and I would sneak out during service to buy beans pie. It remains one of my fondest childhood memories because it a Sunday ritual. I recently watched a Hollywood movie in which they mentioned beans pie, and since then, I’ve been bragging that it’s intercontinental. I said what I said.
Speaking of internationally-recognised foods, I was once in an argument about this particular fish dish I liked— abolibo fish — it took a Google search to prove it exists. Nigerians are quick to cancel anything they’re not used to, but I think you have to at least try the food before cancelling it. For instance, maggots — yes, edible worms, fried and lined on a stick. The best ones are gotten in traffic before entering the city proper.
An honourable mention: Banga rice or oil rice. The catch here is it has to be eaten straight from a nylon. You literally just cut a hole at the tip and press the rice out. It doesn’t matter how old I get, this would always be the way to eat it. If it’s served on a plate, I don’t want it.
The K-pop boy band BTS, also known as the Bangtan Boys, recently celebrated their ninth year of making music, with fans on a live dinner. At this virtual event, they announced they would take a break from the boy band to focus on solo projects.
The news sent shock waves through the heart of their ever-loyal ARMY, and of course, we had to interview Nigerian ARMY to find out how they’re taking the news. Here’s what they had to say:
Zia
Watching the live dinner at first, there was a problem with the English translation. It said they were going on a hiatus, so I freaked out. I’ve been through group hiatuses that led to disbandment before. I panicked for like 30 minutes, telling myself I couldn’t go through it again.
Ever since I discovered BTS, I’ve never been without them. Even when they weren’t dropping albums, there was always some kind of content from them. They’d drop snippets on Twitter, pictures on IG, and they had a regular variety show, RUN BTS. A hiatus meant we wouldn’t be getting any content.
BTS is what’s keeping me sane in this country, so my sanity was hanging by a thread. But after the company released the speech on Weverse, I realised it was a mistranslation. They would just be working on solo projects from now on.
I understand how it feels to want to explore new things. They’ve been making music together for nine-plus years. My boys deserve to try new things as individuals, and I know their friendship will be stronger because of this. I’ll miss them releasing group projects. But I know they still love us, themselves and making music. They’ll always be BTS. They’re just leaving the nest a little, to do something different. And I’m okay with that. All I want in this life is to see them in concert once, at least.
I cried when I first heard the news because they were crying during the live dinner. After watching it and reading the official statement, I cried again. It hit me that it wasn’t even because BTS wouldn’t release music together in a while — they have a comprehensive discography — but because they were scared to tell us they wanted to take a break to do things for themselves.
It was devastating to hear at first, but they recently released an anthology album and some of their unreleased demos, which is a huge deal. I’ll just immerse myself in that until they come back. Plus, even though they won’t be releasing music as a group, they’ll do it individually, allowing me to experience each member outside BTS. They’ve had some solo projects during the nine years they’ve been together, but this will be different, and I’m looking forward to it. I have mixed feelings, but I’m mostly happy and excited about this new experience.
Rosie
I feel okay about it. BTS needs a break, and I can’t wait for their solo album. I think it’s great that they’re doing this because they’ve been releasing music consistently for years, not that I’m complaining. If you look at Blackpink now, they are musicians who do other things that interest them, like acting. So BTS should try different things too, and when they return, they’ll be stronger. I just want them to do solo projects and enjoy it. It would be great to see V act again because he did such an excellent job in Hwarang. I know some ARMY are unhappy about this, which is sad because they should be supporting them.
Honestly, I’m glad it’s not an actual hiatus and more like a break. BTS won’t release music as a group for a while, but they’ll have their solo projects and continue to appear as a group on their variety show, Run BTS. Knowing we’ll still have content makes me happy, tbh.
In my K-pop group chat, twisting the boy’s words and claiming it was disbandment news. Those with sense know better than to make a fuss about this. I’ve been waiting for this. They’ve worked hard as a team because it was their only option. Now that they’ve achieved all their dreams as a group, they deserve to fulfil their individual dreams.
Kosi
I’m a relatively new fan of BTS. I’m still listening to many of their old songs, so sometimes, I wonder if I count as an ARMY. But watching the live dinner and listening to them cry as they talked about how they were scared to do this made me sad. It also made me realise I’d chosen the right group to stan because, look at them thinking of us first, instead of themselves. ARMY has been using the hashtag #BTSItsOkayToRest since the news came out, and I support it wholeheartedly.
I discovered BTS in the thick of the pandemic, and their music felt like a hug. Like an older brother patting your back all the time. So imagine listening to them talk about wanting to take a break in 2020 after the ON era. Still, they felt responsible for being there to help their ARMY heal during the pandemic. It had me in tears. We don’t deserve them.
They just released an anthology album with more songs and demos, so we’ll be fed for a while. I’m excited to catch up on everything they’ve been doing and all the new projects they’ll release individually. Not to speak for such a vast fandom, but I’m pretty sure we aren’t going anywhere. We are here to stay. And like they said in Butter, “Got ARMY right behind us when we say so”. There’s no lie there, borahe.
Omo, I heard the news about the hiatus on Twitter because I didn’t watch the live dinner to the end — please, my attention span isn’t that good. I was confused because I didn’t know what to think. I saw lots of TikToks about how they would take a break to relax. It was giving vacation. Then, I heard they were taking a break as a group but will be releasing solo works and Run BTS. It made me sad to see some people react as if their careers have ended.
This is why I can’t be a K-pop idol, me that I like to sleep. If I say I want to take a break and people start crying, I will just change it for them. This break is not a forever thing. They will return. They’re just tired, and rest is okay. I’d rather they took a proper break to rest for like two months because they deserve it. But I’m happy for them and excited for their solo projects sha. Meanwhile, I want ARMY to stop depending on them for now and rely on Jesus. Please, let them rest.
Prodigal ARMY
I think the hiatus is necessary, but maybe because I’m a prodigal stan. After all, if it were Stray Kids or NCT, I would end up at the bridge. I watched the live video, and Namjoon clearly explained that it wouldn’t be time off from music, just time off as a group. I think it makes sense. Because while they all have a few solo works, they haven’t explored their individual colours enough.
I think it’s important for people to know the artist Suga or Jin and not just their positions in the band. Just like Kai from EXO, whose identity was the hot dancer or second maknae kid. When Kai released his solo album, we finally got to see his view on art. He had so much to say, and it ended up being beautiful.
I’m happy BTS will still feature in each other’s work at the end of the day. All I can do is look forward to J-Hope’s solo work and trust in leader RM’s words that they’ll be back together as the beloved BTS.
If you took our advice and watched Spy x Family, don’t you love Anya, Loid and Yor now? If you don’t, we don’t know how to help you oh. Spy x Family is funny, and as a Nigerian, I could connect with so many parts, so I had to write this.
Here are six of the most relatable moments in Spy x Family.
Parents forcing kids to get into a “prestigious” school
Did Anya have to get into the school for the sake of world peace? Yes, but what does that remind you of? Getting into that ridiculously overrated federal university just so your parents can boast only to spend eight instead of four years. Watching Spy x Family as a Nigerian will have you saying “been there” every two seconds.
These people are everywhere in anime. They’re doing campaigns instead of picking out caskets. And of course, they’re always the beginning of all the problems: stealing from citizens and living lavishly. At least Spy x Family has Loid to stop them.
Everyone forcing you to get married
Or the world would crash and burn. Sounds familiar?
Cows are everywhere
Art imitates life because why were cows pursuing the characters in Spy x Family?
Teachers being unnecessarily mean to children
After that entry interview, Anya definitely needs at least three therapists. And so do all of you reading this. Meanwhile, people that are mean to kids deserve the worst.
Policing arresting people for no reason
I was so triggered by the police arresting innocent citizens and torturing them. Spy x Family, I’m trying to laugh, please. .
Queer femme women are that subculture of the lesbian identity that always gets overlooked becausee they don’t “look gay” even though there’s no way to look gay. Anyway, if you find yourself in a talking stage with a femme queer woman, just be ready for the best time of your life, but with a sprinkle of heartbreak.
She will cheat and you will beg her to stay
If you don’t want someone to break your heart anyhow, maybe next time, come to the world with a big bum bum so you won’t be looking for it outside. These babes don’t even lie after they cheat on you. They’ll somehow make it your fault, and you’ll still be begging them not to break up. After God, fear femme queer women.
If you think you’re special because she sends you weekly affirmations for your star sign, my dear, you’re not. If she comes into your life and her first question is, “What time were you born?” she wants to check your birth chart to find creative ways to ruin you. You can either run or enjoy the ride.
She’ll never stop talking to her ex
In fact, you’ll soon realise that half of her exes are yours too. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy relationship with your ex. It shows that you’re not childish. That’s until y’all break up, and she dates that one ex of hers she told you nothing was going on with and all you can do is cry.
Whatever game you think you’re playing, she’s already won
Just the thought of anyone thinking they can one up a femme queer woman has me screaming. They’ve chopped and served every sort of breakfast known to man so they’re always guiding. Best believe that they’ve anticipated your every move and checkmated you in their heads.
You’re not half as important as her cat
Know this and make your peace with this. After you leave, her cat will still be there. Nevermind that they’re in an abusive, lowkey one-sided relationship, because, cats! Why would she pick you first? Don’t be that loser who tries to fight for her attention when she’s focused on her cat — which is every time.
She’ll pull you, your friends and your mum
You’re a liar if you think you have more game than a femme queer woman. The amount of power they have is scary, but at least it’ll just have you in awe like she can have anyone, and she chose you? Mad!
But it’s also a recipe for premium breakfast.
Forget everything you knew about sex
If you think you’re an expert in foki-foki, just wait until a femme woman sluts you out. You’ll sit at the edge of the bed after thinking of your life while you consider calling your exes to apologise for all the bad sex you guys used to have.
