Real Housewives of Lagos

Say what you want about reality TV, but as someone who lives for drama and messiness, they’re the gifts that keep giving. Whether it’s housemates fighting in the Big Brother Naija house or singers crying after being rejected from a singing show, reality TV has given some truly memorable moments.

Here are some reality TV show moments that still live rent free in our heads and either make us cringe or burst into laughter from time to time.

Rita’s debate on Koko Mansion (2009)

No one remembers Koko Mansion these days , but one popular moment that has been burnt into my memory is this clip where one of the show’s contestants gbagauning back to back like it’s no one’s business. Such an iconic throwback pop culture moment.

Viral “bunch of women” video from Judging Matters (2022)

You have to be living under a rock not to have heard at least one viral soundbite from this episode of Judging Matters. People say “men are scum” all the time, but after listening to this woman narrate all her husband put her through, I believe this man is at the top of the scum totem pole. As sad as her story was, “what a life?” and “bunch of women” quickly turned the clip into TikTok gold.

Ozo’s failed attempt to kiss Nengi on Big Brother Naija (2020)

Probably one of the most cringeworthy moments in Big Brother Naija history, Ozo’s attempt to kiss Nengi and the way she curved him lives rent free in my head. I still haven’t gotten over the secondhand embarrassment I felt that night. And let’s just say Dorathy and Vee’s reactions haven’t made it easy for me to forget either.

Cee-C vs all the other housemates on Big Brother Naija (2018)

Cee-C the troublemaker. This babe terrorised everyone while she was a contestant on Big Brother Double Wahala and I lived for every moment. Whether it was dragging Tobi daily, almost breaking Lolu’s balls or fighting Alex, Koko and Nina, Cee-C was the ultimate entertainer that year. I stan a messy queen.

Mercy’s iconic “I just want to relas and be taken kiaruf” line on Mercy and Ike (2020)

I don’t know what motivated Mercy to say this on her Big Brother spinoff show with Ike, Mercy and Ike. But as a tired Nigerian, I get it. I, too, would like to relass and be taken kairuf. Thanks.

Caroline and Laura’s fight on Real Housewives of Lagos (2022)

I just want to use this opportunity to thank the team behind The Real Housewives of Lagos for serving us premium drama in 2022. While the show had a lot of chaotic moments, nothing topped Caroline and Laura’s fight after weeks of strategic shading and premeditated violence. Someone was accused of sleeping with politicians to sell books, another person was accused of sleeping with “small small boys” and wigs were thrown all over the place — ingredients for a perfect Real Housewives showdown, if you ask me.

Alex crying like a widow because of Leo on Big Brother Naija (2018)

While Alex and Leo from the Big Brother Double Wahala season were a cute couple, nothing prepared me for just how badly she took his eviction from the show. This babe went into full Hilda Dokubo mode as if her husband had just been killed in the evil forest.

Girl, he was evicted, not murdered, why this?

Aroma, the first guy to win ₦10m on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? (2009)

I can still remember talking about this episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? in class the next day, while in secondary school. Aroma winning the grand prize on the show felt like a victory for ALL Nigerians. I wonder where he is today and if that ₦10 million is still remaining small.

RECOMMENDED: 10 Types of People You’ll Find in the BBNaija House

“Oh God, why?” on Nigeria Got Talent (2014)

This is one of those reality TV show moments where you want to feel bad for a contestant, but you just can’t hold back the laughter. After failing to impress judges on Nigeria Got Talent, this contestant had an emotional, but lowkey hilarious breakdown in the corner of the stage. I really want other people to watch and laugh so I can rest well knowing I’m not the only one who won’t make heaven.

BBNaija Lockdown Reunion on Big Brother Naija (2021)

Big Brother Naija is chaotic AF by design, but shit gets ten times more insane when each set of contestants come back for the reunion show the following year. Having had time to watch clips from the main show, the contestants from the Lockdown season went ham, dragging each other for filth. Ka3na accused Praise of being a one-minute man, Vee admitted to being a witch, Kiddwaya showed up looking like Jon Snow and blowjobs in the house were blown out of proportion. Those reunion episodes had me in a chokehold for weeks.

Erica and Gordons Gin vs. Laycon on Big Brother Naija (2020)

If there’s one thing Erica’s attack on Laycon taught me, it’s to stay away from Gordons Dry Gin. Omo, that drink turned Stargirl Erica into Savage Erica and I’m still shook till today.

Caroline and Chioma’s surprise fall out on Real Housewives of Lagos (2022)

Caroline and Chioma’s fallout was one fight I didn’t see coming after weeks of watching The Real Housewives of Lagos. These women were best friend goals at the start of the show, but like Tiannah Styling said, “Loyalties do shifty sometimes.”

I’m still rooting for them, and I hope they settle their beef on or before the next season. Please my faves, make it work for Conrad.

Hilarious cover of Chris Brown’s Don’t Judge Me on Project Fame (2014)

Honestly, I don’t wanna go there either.

Liquorose’s Saturday night dance moves on Big Brother Naija (2021)

We can’t talk about Saturday night parties in the Big Brother Naija Shine Ya Eye house without talking about Liquorose’s moves. This babe danced like she was on Maltina Danceall or Stomp the Yard every Saturday from the week she landed to the week she was evicted. C for consistency.

Seyi Shay and the singer who can never make it, on Nigerian Idol (2021)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nG316o17qVc

You can’t come on a singing show and expect judges to lie to you about your performance. It’s crazy that when Seyi Shay told a contestant to quit singing and stick to writing, her statement divided Nigerians. I can confidently say that I’m #TeamSeyiShay on this. If you can’t stand the heat, go to the parlour — or whatever they say.

ALSO READ: These Chaotic Reality Shows Need to Make Their Way to Nigeria ASAP!

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

November 11, 2022

Movies & TV, Pop

big brother naija, entertainment, Nigerian Idol, Real Housewives of Lagos, television
Once upon a time, Astor recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made him turn his recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where he finds batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recaps them for your pleasure.

Hi, my name is Conrad, and I’m a Real Housewives of Lagos addict. I’ve decided to take on the responsibility of recapping all the messy and unhinged content that comes our way at Zikoko. Will I survive this task? Check back next week.

Let’s get into it.

After an explosive finale that had us all shook, our favourite Lagos housewives came back to give us some more drama with a reunion to end all reunions.

Considering the heated fight between besties, Chioma and Caroline, and the social media back and forth between Caroline and Toyin, we were all gagging to see how the reunion would play out. Will people throw hands? Will wigs come flying off? With the Real Housewives of Lagos, anything is possible.

We first see the housewives pulling up with their glam squad because why not? The reunion host Uti Nwachukwu goes round to greet each housewife in their rooms, reminding them to bring the drama.

He also reminds Chioma not to pull that lateness bullshit she’s known for because no one has the time.

With all the housewives seated (minus a noticeably absent Caro/Carolyna/Caroline), Uti gets ready to stir some shit and milk every drop of drama he can get from these women. We stan a chaotic king because last last someone has to pour kerosine on the many fires of this show.

Uti asks each of the housewives about their experience on the show, and Iyabo tries to convince us that no part of the show was scripted. Ma’am, we weren’t born yesterday.

Bringing up the elephant not in the room, Uti asks the ladies if they think Caroline will show up and it’s obvious these women don’t give a shit since she’s fought with literally every cast member at this point. Mariam is so unbothered she basically says:

After a montage of all the good times the women had on the show, Uti wears his chaotic gele and starts the drama by bringing up the fight that started the season, Chioma and Laura’s “friendship”. Laura admits she overreacted to Chioma saying they weren’t friends and that Chioma is right, because honestly, they’re not really friends. But this doesn’t stop Laura from attacking Chioma for not having her back against Caroline at the boho party in episode three.

Leaving that fake friendship unresolved, Uti asks Laura who told her that the other housewives were shading her at the beach house in episode two. At this point, the housewives start acting confused like the whole show doesn’t run on gossip and rumours.

Laura tries to act like no one told her anything, but as usual, ~~the show’s resident FBI agent~~ Iyabo Ojo pulls out the receipts, telling everyone that Laura had mentioned to her that Toyin was the NTA reporter that gave her the hot gist.

But Laura takes out time to let everyone know that she hated Caroline from the beginning and the slap she promised her was based on that hatred, not the beach house gist. She also goes ahead to accuse Toyin of being the one that actually threw the most shade at the beach house. This doesn’t sit well with Toyin who was consulting with Ifa at the time.

RECOMMENDED: Here’s What Your Real Housewives of Lagos Fave Says About You

Stepping in like a ghost, Caroline finally arrived 19 minutes into the show. Once again, the ladies don’t care for her because Toyin is basically like:

Uti brings up Chioma’s lateness and Laura’s love for mess and drama. While Chioma owns her latecomer title, Laura pretends like she doesn’t know SHE’S THE DRAMA!

Mariam’s infamous dinner comes up and Laura blames the alcohol for her behaviour that night, but Iyabo isn’t having it.

This eventually leads to Laura vs. Caroline + the mysterious governor. Caroline maintains that Laura used to do whokup for money and Laura maintains her innocence. Ladies, sex work is real work. No one cares.

The main drama starts with Caroline vs. Toyin. Their friendship comes up and Caroline can’t seem to pinpoint when or for how long they were friends. She also tries to convince us that she was 23 in 2013 and no one is believing that shit.

The two women go ahead to slut shame one another. Toyin accuses Caroline of cheating on her husband and being a wife of Solomon. While Caroline calls Toyin a hooker who’s slept with half of Lagos and maybe Ogun state. Once again, sex work is real work.

The episode eventually ends with both Caroline and Toyin shouting to the delight of the other women. Going by the preview for next week, we can’t wait for the fight between Toyin and Chioma. Yes, we love drama.

ALSO READ: These Chaotic Reality Shows Need to Make Their Way to Nigeria ASAP!

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

July 1, 2022

So You Don’t Have To

Real Housewives of Lagos, RHOL, So You Don't Have To
After three long months, Real Housewives of Lagos is over, and we don’t know what to do with ourselves anymore. The spin-off of Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise was a massive hit that introduced Nigerians to the dramatic and opulent lives of its six titular characters. We all picked faves as the show progressed, but what does our choice of housewife say about us on a deeper level?

Let’s find out.

Laura Ikeji-Kanu

Sis, not only do you love drama, YOU ARE THE DRAMA. In your friend group, you’re the one person who has fought with everyone else. You love attention and won’t stop until you get it, whether or not you ruin the vibe for everyone else. However, as much as your friends secretly hate you, they can’t do without you. Your wahala is the only fun thing they have going on in their lives; without it, they’d be bored to death.

Chioma Ikokwu

People either hate or love you; there’s no in-between. You have everything from the looks to the money and style, and you know you’re the shit. Your confidence is great, but sometimes, it prevents you from taking accountability for your fuck ups. In your friend circle, you’re the one who always shows up for a hangout two hours late and without a reasonable explanation. Do better, sis!

Caroline/Carol/Carolyna Hutchings

You’re the queen of your little kingdom, and no one can tell you shit about it. You’re borderline narcissistic, but there’s a sweet side to you very few people have access to. There’s also a high chance you’ve rebranded so many times that most of your friends can’t even spell your name correctly. You seem calm and proper, but when someone messes with you, you’re not above dragging them and their family (especially their family).

RECOMMENDED: I Watched The Season Finale of The Real Housewives of Lagos So You Don’t Have To

Iyabo Ojo

Honestly, you’re unproblematic. You know your head is not alright, so you avoid fighting with people before you remove their eyelashes. Your definition of a good time is instigating fights between your friends so you can grab popcorn and enjoy the drama. Even though everyone knows you will open their bumbum in public, they still feel comfortable sharing their deepest darkest secrets with you. You love a good time and hate it when Gen Zs greet you with “Sir”, “Ma”, or “Aunty”. Ewww.

Toyin Lawani

At the core of everything, you’re a good person. You used to fight up and down back in the day, but you’ve calmed down. After all your years of “hard guy, hard guy”, you’re finally in love, and you won’t let anyone around you rest. It’s adorable. Do you want to know your biggest flaw? It’s the fashion, sis. What’s going on? You keep dressing like a cross between a fine arts project and a disney villain.

Mariam Timmer

Your motto is “Chop life, make life no chop you“. All you care about is good vibes and a good time, but your friends are always fighting. Because of these problematic friends, you’ve picked up the habit of creating your own drama so that you’re not excluded. No one remembers what you’re shouting about, sis. Pipe down… There’s a high chance anything anyone thinks they’ve done, you’ve done it already and added extra because you’re wild AF!

ALSO READ: These Chaotic Reality Shows Need to Make Their Way to Nigeria ASAP!

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

June 20, 2022

Pop

Pop, Real Housewives of Lagos, Reality TV, RHOL