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Whether you’re a fan of fluffy slices or crispy crusts, bread is a staple that rises to the occasion at every meal. Let’s break bread with Nigeria’s most beloved bread types, according to those who knead it the most. We asked around and this is what Nigerians think of the most popular bread types, from mid to upper crust.
Raisin bread
Raisin bread is rich and filling, but not everyone likes the too-sweet raisins.
Wheat bread
Source: 31 Daily
Whole wheat bread might be a healthier alternative due to its higher fibre content, but let’s all just admit we find it less palatable compared to the sweeter and softer white bread.
Brioche bread
Is it bread or is it a pastry? Buttery and sweet, this one gives luxury or special-occasion bread because it simply always costs more — or maybe it just looks like it does? Either way, Nibbles Bread is about to introduce its version, and we guarantee it’ll be easy on the pocket.
Tea buns
Tea buns are enjoyed as a treat, especially with tea or coffee, but like brioche, they tend to be considered more of a snack than a staple.
Sliced bread
It’s convenient, good for sandwiches and widely available. But beyond being the perfect plain base for peanut butter and anything else you might like, it’s simply not that tasty on its own like the bread types above it.
Sardine bread
Great for when you want something savoury without having to spend on a spread or filling after buying your bread. The only reason why it’s not top of the list is because if it’s not fresh, it’s nasty.
Coconut bread
Source: Amy’s Delicious Mess
It’s like biting into a sweet, nutty hug from the one Grandma who always brings you Gurundi and Shuku Shuku when she visits. Whether you enjoy this soft, moist bread plain or slathered in your favourite spread, it’s always a win. Throw in the health benefits of the coconut’s fibre and healthy fats, and what’s not to love? The only downside is how scarce it is.
White loaf
Source: Conde Nast Traveler
Are you really surprised this is at the top of the ranking? Soft, fluffy and sweet, this is the go-to that defines what a “bread” should be. The OG, Agege bread, is low-yeast, and all other types and brands model themselves after it. But Nibbles family loaf is fluffy and sweet with a good price and longevity.
Nicknamed the “bread of life”, Nibbles is one of the best bread brands in Nigeria today. People, especially those who like their bread fluffy, love it for its quality and variety of options. Today, it has family loaves and tea buns, with many new variants on the way. Available on a quick stop at any Kilimanjaro restaurant or any store or supermarket nationwide.
It’s been two months since Prime Video announced its exit from Nigeria. Since then, they’ve dumped movies and shows on our heads like they’re LAWMA and we’re the refuse site.
Normally, we wouldn’t have a problem with this, but these latest drops have had us looking left, right and wondering who sent us message. So, we decided to rank them all.
“L.I.F.E”
https://youtu.be/KrrDu_ychTs?si=WXHJoaDvDDNsrYH2
You might be tempted to judge this movie by its poster, but don’t. You’ll get a jumpscare every time you see Willy, but it’s one of the best body swap movies Nollywood has given us so far.
Rewatch value: 8/10
It was good, and you’ll enjoy watching it. Even Willy and his Willy Wonka dress sense can’t stain this body of work’s white.
“A Green Fever”
Watch this only if you’ve been thinking of catching a flight to an unknown place. It’ll take you on a journey from confusion to understanding and confusion again.
Rewatch value: 7/10
The actors brought their A-game, but the open ending might make you pull your hair out in the first watch.
“It Blooms in June”
It’s cute and all, but there’s no way we could root for Mira and Ebisinde, please. Their chemistry was non-existent, and we’ve never hoped for a relationship to crash and fail the way we hoped for theirs to.
Rewatch value: 6/10
You might watch this again if you like coming-of-age stories and want to see a somewhat healthy father-daughter relationship on screen. Just get ready to squeeze your eyes shut at Ebisinde’s attempts at flirting.
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“Hotel Labamba”
Yhemolee was the hypeman in a makeshift club in someone’s hotel room. In this house, we support women’s rights and wrongs. That being said, considering the plot holes, the poor attempts at humour, and the fact that there was nothing mysterious about this murder mystery, this might be one of Biodun Stephen’s big wrongs. But that’s okay because she’s done many rights before.
Rewatch value: 5/10
If you like displays of foolishness, then you can rewatch this to your heart’s content.
“Small Talk”
If you’re a fan of Nigerian comedy, then you’ll love this. At least, ten skitmakers feature in this film, so you’ll get what you came for: poorly timed jokes and forced humour.
Rewatch value: 4/10
If Instagram skits are your type of thing, you’re in for the ride of your life.
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“Japa”
The plot might be new for Nollywood, but that’s the only good thing about this film. Okay, that’s a half-truth. It was a little funny, and we did get to see Adesua Etomi on our screen again, after Gangs of Lagos.
Rewatch value: 3/10
The movie already wastes your time the first time around, rewatching it might just be an act of self-harm. Except you’re the biggest fan of Blossom Chukwujekwu and Adesua.
“The Bloom Boys”
If you can stick with this to the end, then you might just be God’s strongest soldier. Between the rehashed storyline and the moral lesson it tries to teach in the middle of all the chaos, there’s nothing special about this. Except maybe Kemi getting revenge on her abusive partner. She ends up in jail, but she shows him shege first, and that’s the only thing we were there for.
Rewatch value: 1/10
They scammed us with the trailer. Things just happened throughout the movie. Timini is apparently a rapper, artist manager and Joseph the Dreamer. Half the other characters are annoying AF and doing as they wish, never minding the plot.
If there’s one thing Nigerian celebrities can’t resist, it’s an event with a theme — from the Barbie premiere to Netflix’s Bridgerton event. And on December 10, 2023, they showed up and showed out for the premiere of Funke Akindele’s latest film, “A Tribe Called Judah”.
The official invitation said “costume extravaganza”, and we don’t know whether our favourite celebrities were on theme, but we saw some very concerning looks last night and decided to rank them all.
Let’s get into it.
Boma as an armed robber
Image source: Instagram/bomaakpore
I’ve taken several deep breaths, and I fear it’ll never be enough. It looks like BBN’s Boma forgot the theme of the premiere on the way there and just bought the balaclava in traffic so it won’t look like he didn’t come in costume.
Papaya as Azul’s younger brother
Image source: Instagram/papaya_ex
Is she a chess piece? Is she Azuka, Azul’s reserved younger brother? We don’t know what this look is, and we also don’t know how she didn’t pass out with that thing on her head. What we do know is the outfit was better off without the… hood?
Sheggz as a social prefect
Image source: instagram/sheggzolusemo
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a signature style, but when that style is SS3 “bad boy” running for social prefect, then maybe don’t bring it to the red carpet every time. At least, he came in a costume.
Jide Kene Achufusi as Jack Sparrow
Image source: X/Jidekene Achufusi
The execution might not have been the best, but at least, he had his heart in it and followed the theme. They said “costume extravaganza”, and he had the decency to show up in a costume that didn’t have me squinting or bending my brain to figure out what he was. The “extravagant” part will be discussed when it shows up.
Timini Egbuson as the third Mario brother
Image source: X/TiminiEgbuson
On the red carpet, the look didn’t really give. But now that I’ve looked at the pictures long and hard, it’s actually a cute look. And the blue rubber-looking overall is extravagant enough.
Funke Akindele as Tinkerbell
Image source: instagram/FunkeAkindele
As the director and lead actress, Funke Akindele gave us two looks last night. The first look was supposed to give regal and golden, but it only ended up giving prom. But this second Tinkerbell look belongs at the Calabar Carnival. The shoes and dress were great, but the wings looked like moimoi leaves. No amount of gold glitter can change that.
Phyna as Wonder Woman
Image source: instagram/unsualphyna
She kinda ate this look up from the top half. Then the stylist got to her shoes and decided to stick cardboard paper on wedges that look like the ones my secondary school business administration teacher wore to class.
Hilda Dokubo as the richest mamalawo
Image source: instagram/bellanaija
It took me a minute to recover from this look. Never have I seen a mamalawo drip in so many pearls and diamonds. This mamalawo decided to use her powers for herself, and it was the best decision ever made.
Ruth Kadiri as Fiona
Image source: Instagram/RuthKadiriEzerika
She left the theme at the door, and after seeing half these looks, some people should’ve followed suit. I believe she took one look at the theme and decided she won’t harm herself by even attempting. Great choice because she looks good and snatched in this dress.
Sharon Ooja as the baddie she is
Image source: Instagram/sharonooja
She just threw something on, stepped on that red carpet like the baddie she is, and everything came together instantly. I’d say I’m surprised, but I’m not. It’s THEE Sharon Ooja.
Juliana Olayode as a guardian angel
Image source: instagram/olayodejuliana
She stunned in white. Maybe the wings were too massive and a danger to all who walked near her, but they said “extravagant”, so she gave extravagant.
Nse Ikpe Etim as The Joker
Image source: Instagram/NseIkpeetim
She stuck to the theme and looked really good doing it. She’s the Joker, and that’s as over the top and extravagant as it’ll get.
Faith Morey as Beyonce
Image source: X/Ellamobee
In Beyonce’s words, “10s across the board”, from her hair to the makeup to the dress. Faith Morey came dressed in one of Beyonce’s more subtle looks, but it gave all it needed to.
Mercy Eke as Jennifer Lopez
Image source: gistlover
Mercy and her team take every invite she gets seriously. She came dressed as Jennifer Lopez, and it was just extravagant enough to fit the theme of the night.
Efe Irele as the Black Swan
Image source: Instagram/EfeIrele
Once again, Efe Irele has proven no one does costumes like her. I saw this picture before I saw her on the carpet, and Efe as the Black Swan ate and left no crumbs on and off it.
Making a list of the greatest Davido songs of all time is hard to do, but someone must do the dirty work.
OBO is a hitmaker of gigantic proportions, a pop culture icon and afrobeats superstar, whose unique sound has influenced many artistes — from Peruzzi to Fireboy DML. But his real fans will tell you these are his biggest hits of all time (arranged in no particular order).
Dami Duro
Davido’s Back When was a bop, but if there’s one song that made him a star to watch (and started our obsession with carrot jeans), it’s Dami Duro. Produced by Shizzi, Davido finally stopped pretending to be poor like the rest of us and fully accepted his nepo baby title, shouting, “Emi omo baba olowo,” which means “I’m the son of a rich man.” And I’d do the same thing if my father was rich AF.
Dami Duro was a banger back then and still has the power to get everyone turnt up the minute it comes on now.
D&G with Summer Walker
Davido didn’t perform the magic of seeing Summer Walker’s waist through her eyes for D&G not to be on this list. Even though we all laugh at that unhinged line, there’s no denying that this Afro-R&B banger is high up there as one of Davido’s greatest collaborations of all time.
Aye
If you got married between 2014 and 2020 and didn’t play Davido’s Aye at your wedding, your marriage doesn’t have a solid foundation. Find the DJ from that day and fight him now.
Before he gave us Mad Over You, Runtown wrote this love song for Davido, to convince people that love is more important than money in a relationship. Quick question for Runtown and Davido: Can I use love to book a baecation or pay for a date? I’m just asking o. Even Davido wised up by the time he sang Assurance — “Love is sweet o. But when money enter love is sweeter.”
Fall
Why do Yoruba men flirt like you’re fighting with them? Not only does Davido want to drop money and bananas on his lover’s head in Fall, at one point he even asks her, “Are you done talking?” It’s giving Ogbomosho Christian Grey, and I’m here for it. Playing on the sounds Tekno and Runtown popularised on Pana and Mad Over You, Davido and Kiddominant created one of the most successful afro beats of all time. This song was chilling on Billboard’s chart way before other Nigerian acts started smelling it. Fall made Davido a global superstar.
FIA
It doesn’t matter whether it’s 30 billion naira or one million dollars; one thing about Davido is his willingness to scatter his lover’s life with excess funds. But what makes FIA a special song in Davido’s discography is how he turns the table, complaining about a lover who’s not content with all he’s given her. FIA is a reminder to walk away before love empties your bank account and ruins your life.
Stand Strong with The Sunday Service Choir
If we’re being honest, we were all shocked when we heard Davido was putting out a Pheelz-produced song with Kanye West’s Sunday Service Choir. Like, what were they going to sing about? Davido flexed his versatility with 2022’s Stand Strong. Letting go of all the gragra we’ve come to know him for, he created a raw and deeply personal song about finding the strength to keep going — a message Atiku could relate to after running for president and losing six times.
Divine with Odunsi The Engine
Divine is an underrated Davido gem. Way before people understood or even started fucking with the alté sound, Davido was ahead of the curve, collaborating with Odunsi the Engine on this song off his 2018 album, rare. Odunsi’s funk-R&B-inspired sound met Davido’s “Shekpe” in this collaboration we didn’t know we needed until we heard it for the first time.
If
If was more than just a song; it was a movement. After everyone dragged him for the mid Son of Mercy EP, Davido came back with If to remind us that he’s not to be played with. Written and produced by Tekno, If started Davido’s year of back-to-back hits in 2017. It’s also the song that helped his stans decide on a name for themselves — 30 BG.
We were all shocked when Adekunle Gold rebranded from the Yoruba folk singer Nigerian mothers would allow you to hang out with, to a full-time Afropop zaddy. Even though AG Baby was already a pop hit maker by the end of 2020, his collaboration with Davido on High fully cemented him as the man of the moment. The two men killed it on the Pheelz-produced song. High was so good it ended up at the top of our best amapiano songs of 2021 list.
All of You
Davido was 19 when he released a song announcing that he was bigger than everyone else in the industry. A bold move for a new artiste, but when you have it, you know you have it. Davido knew he had it back then, and now, over ten years later, he still has that X factor.
Like Dat
This song deserved so much more than it got, and that’s the hill I’m willing to die on. After dropping back-to-back hits all through 2017, Davido closed out the year with what I believe was his best song that era. Produced by Shizzi and written by Teni before she blew, Like Dat was a standout R&B track way ahead of its time. Just imagine how different the reception would be if he dropped it now.
Ke Star with Focalistic and Virgo Deep
Davido has hacked this South African/Nigerian collaboration thing. From Tchlete with Mafikizolo to The Sound with Uhuru, every Davido SA collab has been a hit. He continued this winning streak with Focalistic and Virgo Deep on the remix to Ke Star. Tell me you don’t loose the little home training you have when you hear, “It goes down when my gees connect,” and that bass beat that follows? This is a remix that’s even better than the original.
The Best with Mayorkun
Davido and Mayorkun’s musical chemistry is unrivalled in the industry. Is it Betty Butter, I Got a Friend or Bobo? These two have hits for days. But their best hit has to be The Best. Not only do they match each other’s flow on this song, but they’re also hilarious on it. Even though Mayorkun has now left Davido’s label, we hope they’ll give us more collaborations in the future.
Skelewu
Remember those dance challenges before TikTok turned every dance into a mortal kombat fight scene? Good times. In 2013, Davido released Skelewu and joined artistes like Marvellous Benji (Swo) and Artquake (Alanta) as one of the few icons to drop a song that organically became a dance trend.
FEM
Davido dropped FEM to address Burna Boy his haters, and Nigerians used it to tell the government, and a particular governor, to shut up. If that’s not iconic, I don’t know what is. We can’t talk about the #EndSARS protests without mentioning how FEM became an anthem.
Every now and again, Nollywood comes up with extremely questionable storylines. Sometimes it’s a flash drive filled with money, other times, it’s a marriage proposal even your mother that has been disturbing you for a husband for six years, would knock you for accepting.
Today, we’ve decided to rank the most original proposals only Nollywood can give us.
6. Burger King takes Step Up Revolution
Listen, in the history of proposals, falling on your knees in the middle of Ikeja City Mall and asking somebody to be your wife has never been a good idea. But this guy didn’t just propose in the mall. He did it with a flash mob, in what looked like a burger king costume and somehow expected her to say yes? If he puts his confidence and delusion in a bottle and sells it in Lagos traffic, we would buy it.
Getting engaged is incredibly easy. All you need to do is go through three stages, go on the first date, get into the relationship, take the fiance pop quiz, then ask your lectureremployer fiance if everything is okay with him.
3. Take it or leave it
A for assertiveness, B for better put my ring on your finger before I break your teeth. How in the world is anybody supposed to answer your proposal the way they actually want to when you’re swinging the ring around like a battle sword and screaming “take” in their face?
2. Papingo japalaya, big boy in town
It’s one thing to think to yourself, “Oh I want to propose to my man” it’s another thing for him to go out and buy a ring, tell you to kneel down and close your eyes, place the ring in your hand and demand that you happily propose to him before he changes his mind because the women that want him outside are surplus and if you don’t act right he’ll go out and get someone more willing. I know the dating scene is in the gutters, but nothing is actually ever that deep
1. Danger mouse
First off, Queen Nwokoye is serving INCHES, and understandably so. Omolomo assumed she was going out with a normal sensible person, but clearly not. As a human being, you pondered and wondered and thought of a way to propose marriage to your loving girlfriend, and the only thing that jumped at you was a cheeky slap across her face and a solemn “marry me”? Shame onto wicked people.
And just because it would be a crime not to acknowledge the sheer perfection of this, we have,
Spare tire … literally
On your wedding day, you worry about a lot of things, your cake getting ruined, your makeup artiste making you look like pennywise’s younger sister, your ex somehow being the DJ, and unknown gunmen hijacking your bridal party. But never in a million years would anyone think a backup bride should be added to the list of things you’ll need to kabash against.
Technically not a proposal, but the groom having a spare bride just casually waiting in the wings on his wedding day might be worse than everything we’ve seen till now.
Collaborations between Nigerian and foreign artists don’t surprise us anymore. But after 2021 gave us Fireboy DML and Ed Sheeran’s Peru, Tiwa Savage and Brandy’s Somebody’s Son, and Wizkid, Tems and Justin Bieber’s Essence, the pressure for 2022 to deliver was definitely on another level.
Did 2022 deliver? Check out this ranking of some of the international collaborations we enjoyed (or didn’t need) in 2022 to find out.
Frozen remix — Madonna, Sickick and Fireboy DML
The original Frozen dropped 24 years ago and Fireboy DML already had a hit remix on his hands with the Ed Sheeran-assisted Peru, so neither Madonna nor Fireboy needed this remix. Apart from being a forgettable and downright bad one, something about Fireboy (a black man) kneeling in front of Madonna (a white woman) rubs me off the wrong way. It’s giving coloniser vibes.
Verdict: An unnecessary flop.
Ku Lo Sa — Oxlade and Camila Cabello
If there’s one song that can compete with Burna Boy’s Last Last as the most viral song of the year, it’s Oxlade’s Ku Lo Sa. After inspiring a TikTok challenge and countless covers, Oxlade employed the help of former Fifth Harmony singer, Camila Cabello, for a remix that fails to capture the beauty of the original.
While we can acknowledge this as a smart move at increasing streams and maybe gaining a Billboard Hot 100 entry for Oxlade, it doesn’t mean we have to pretend that the song slaps, because it doesn’t.
Verdict: The flop we saw coming.
Calm Down — Rema and Selena Gomez
After giving us major collaborations with Chris Brown, 6LACK, Yseult and AJ Tracey on his debut album, Rave & Roses, Rema’s Calm Down remix with Selena Gomez is a sonic misstep for the Mavin Records artiste. The song is still a banger, but that has nothing to do with the featured artist.
Why have a remix when it does nothing to make your song better?
Verdict: Meh.
Attention — Omah Lay and Justin Bieber
For a song called Attention, Omah Lay and Justin Bieber’s collaboration tried and failed to hold our attention. This song came and left faster than a Lagos man after hearing his girlfriend is pregnant. Attention might not be the year’s best feature, but unlike my previous mentions, it deserved more than what we gave it.
Verdict: Would’ve been a bop if people listened.
Bloody Samaritan — Ayra Starr and Kelly Rowland
Bloody Samaritan was the song that cemented Ayra Starr’s current title as the It Girl of Afrobeats. Tapping into that Gen Z “IDGAF” attitude, Bloody Samaritan became a global hit that resonated with everyone, regardless of age. Even though most of the elements and lyrics that made the original song a success exist on this remix, Ms Kelly’s verse, especially towards the end, sounds like it belongs on an entirely different song.
They should’ve just recorded a new song together. Now, that would’ve hit in all the right places.
If Chris Brown wants to move to Lagos, wear a white t-shirt and start break dancing on one of those promo trucks, then he should just do it. This man is basically a Nigerian at this point. From his remix of Lojay and Sarz’ Monalisa to Time N Affection with Rema and Call MeEveryday with his regular collaborator, Wizkid, no international singer did more Nigerian collabs than Chris Brown this year.
Verdict: We hate to say it, but these are bops.
WATAWI — CKay, Davido, Focalistic and Abidoza
CKay is the obvious star of WATAWI. But after dropping the Ke Star remix and Champion Sound in 2021, I’m a bit offended that Davido and Focalistic haven’t released a joint album or EP yet. The magic is there between these two; we need it harnessed for an album that could save humanity.
Verdict: Cute bop.
Cloak and Dagger — Burna Boy and J Hus
It’s safe to say a Burna Boy and J Hus combo will always work. Teaming up again after 2017’s Good Time, Cloak and Dagger off Burna Boy’s Love, Damini proves their chemistry is still as potent as ever.
Verdict: Bop as usual.
All I Ever Wanted — Asa and Amaarae
If someone had told me last year that Asa would be on a song about hotel sex and “5-star diamond dick”, I would’ve called them a detty liar who lives a fake life. But here we are today. I didn’t know how much I needed this Asa and Amaraae break-up jam, but now that I have it, I feel like it’s all I ever wanted.
Verdict: The bop we didn’t know we needed
One Woman — Adekunle Gold and Ty Dolla $ign
People aren’t talking about Adekunle Gold’s Catch Me If You Can enough, and it’s upsetting me and my homegirls. I thought AG was our baby?
Apart from solo gems like It Is What It Is and Mase Mi, Adekunle also kills it on the feature side with guests like Fousheé, Davido and Stefflon Don. However, it’s One Woman with Ty Dolla $ign, where he compares his babe to ofe nsala that hits all the right spots, for me.
Verdict: An underrated bop.
Wait for U — Future, Drake and Tems
Temilade, I love you, but I’ll gladly pay to never hear Wait For U again. The Future and Drake hit, which samples Tems’ vocals from the soon-to-be classic, Higher, was everywhere this year. Like, all you had to do was breathe, and you’ll hear Tems sing “If the world was ending” and Future replying with “Travel around the world.”
While Wait For U is a great song that has earned Tems two Grammy nominations and her first number-one on the Billboard Hot 100, I’d be glad to leave it behind in 2022.
Verdict: An overplayed bop.
Stand Strong — Davido and the Sunday Service Choir
Featuring the same choir Kanye West made famous with his Sunday Service sessions, Davido delivers a stand-out track about facing fears and finding strength amid the pain. Stand Strong is a significant departure from the hyper Davido we know. Still, his sincerity ties the song together beautifully, leaving us excited for what his next album might sound like.
On Zikoko Ranked, we would usually rate things from best to worst or most enjoyable to least enjoyable. This is a bit different because everyone is on equal footing. It’s a large compilation of rubbish.
MTN
They promised they’d be everywhere we go, but not with good network it seems. If they manage to give you network, they would attach a straw to your device and SUCK out your data. We advise they quit trying to be a network and just enter drinking competitions for a living.
9Mobile
The best thing about them is that in locations where all other networks suffer, they shine. Unfortunately, not everyone is trying to stream their favourite show from the top of a mountain.
Airtel
Where does one even begin with a network like Airtel? At random moments, nobody in a particular area will have network for a long time. Then they’ll try to apologise with 50MB. So not only is the network bad, but they’re also disrespectful. Also, it’s clear their entire budget is dedicated to TV commercials.
Glo
People say Glo is getting better, but is Glo aware they’re supposed to be getting better? Because it seems like they aren’t. If multiple people within a location are using glo, the result is a phone that’ll buffer from now to thy kingdom comes.
Spectranet
How can you be an internet provider in Nigeria, but not work in all Nigerian states? That’s the story of Spectranet. They select which states are entitled to their poor service. How can you be forming exclusivity with rubbish? Even in Lagos, their internet will work in one house, but somehow, not work at all in the next. It’s giving Owambe-caterer eyeservice.
Smile
What’s actually there to smile about? The price? The network? The name must be an ironic joke, because what is there to smile about? They claim to provide “SuperFast” internet, but their network doesn’t go beyond 3 mbps at any given time. Blatant liars.
Although Hollywood-Nollywood crossovers has often seen D-list Hollywood actors playing random white people roles in Nollywood films, some Nollywood stars have actually featured in foreign productions as well.
With the internet still buzzing over the vintage Genevieve Nnaji cameo on FX’s Atlanta with Lakeith Stanfield, I thought it’d make sense to rank all the times our Nollywood faves appeared in Hollywood projects. Let’s go!
6. Omotola Jalade Ekeinde doing waka pass in Hit The Floor
I love me some Omotola, but even I was shocked by this cameo, especially after how it was hyped on social media. Back in 2013, Omotola appeared on the VH1 dance-drama, Hit the Floor alongside Akon. When I say waka pass, I mean it. She literally walked into the scene, smiled and then left like someone was chasing her. Why, sis? It’s been 10 years, but I still need answers.
5. Davido giving them vibes on Coming 2 America
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iCPo5jKuhs
I know you’re thinking, “Davido isn’t an actor.” Even though! It’s not easy to snag a spot in the highly anticipated sequel to a classic like Coming to America. Performing his hit song, Assurance, Davido was the major selling point of the film. I can categorically put it to you that Davido is the one that helped Eddie Murphy. Quote me anywhere.
4. Olu Jacobs is a young legend in The Dogs of War
I’ll say the truth and shame the devil, The Dogs of War came out in the 1980s which makes it old AF and I haven’t seen it. Either way, it’s Olu Jacobs and he’s a legend so I’m sure he killed it. The man’s diction and carriage alone are enough to make me biased. Leave matter.
3. Osas Ighodaro almost hung out with Beyoncé in Cadillac Records
Believe it or not, Osas Ighodaro and Beyoncé are best friends. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. Before moving back to Nigeria to steal our hearts on Tinsel and confuse our brains with projects like Assistant Madamand Man of God, Osas was a beauty queen trying to make it in Hollywood. She eventually appeared in 2009’s Cadillac Records alongside The Beyoncé and Gabrielle Union. It wasn’t a big role, but it’s Beyoncé, so nothing else matters and that’s on periodt.
2. Joseph Benjamin and Oprah are co-workers because of Greenleaf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeeGFUa4Bmk
Joseph Benjamin is not our mate. This man moved from hosting Project Fame to appearing on a show produced by Oprah Winfrey. He’s basically a billionaire by employment. His role as Mr. Joseph Obi on Greenleaf may have lasted for just one episode, but at least Oprah knows who he is now and homeboy has appeared on a show that airs on Netflix and Oprah Winfrey Network. Beat that!
1. Genevieve Nnaji almost steals the show in Farming
It’s Genevieve Nnaji. I don’t understand, what number did you think she’d occupy here? Even if she appeared for 00.01 seconds, she’s still getting all my attention. Luckily for me, because my queen never puts me to shame, her role in Farming carried weight. Playing the lead character’s mother opposite director Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, she had enough screen time to make a mark. Love to see it.
From the moment Yemi Alade popped up on our radars in 2010 with the Eldee-assisted single, Fimisile, we all knew she was going to be a problem. Her energy, vocals, and personality have continued to shine through over a decade later, and honestly, we’re here for it. With several albums to her name, the self-proclaimed title of Mama Africa, and a massive container of hits, Yemi Alade is sitting on top of the world.
To celebrate Women’s History Month, we’ve gathered and ranked a list of all her hits.
8. Remind You
Ever wondered what Yemi Alade would sound like on a slowed-down baby-making Afro R&B record? Well, Remind You answers this question. While we’re used to seeing our Mama Africa give high-energy performances in her songs, this song shows us a softer side and reminds us of the incredible range this woman has. Love it so much.
7. Ghen Ghen Love
We’re taking it back to baby Yemi Alade, back when she was giving us emo rock queen lewks with the leather and mohawk. While Johnny has been credited as her breakout hit and rightfully so, there’s no denying what a bop Ghen Ghen Love was. By the way, did anyone else catch the Crazy in Love reference in the music video with the white tank top and denim bum shorts? Crazy to think that years later, Yemi would be on the same album with her fave *holds back tears*
6. Kissing
Remember when Yemi Alade put on her English lesson teacher hat and decided to teach us how to spell? This was a moment most pleasing to our ears. Songs like Kissing gave us a glimpse into the type of music Yemi was born to make, as she made the evolution from a Nigerian musical darling to an African multilingual rockstar.
5. Bum Bum
If there’s one thing we’ve learnt from the Nigerian music scene, it’s that you can never go wrong when you make a song about people’s bum bums. Mo’Hit struck gold with Booty Call, Timaya had people twerking upside down to Bum Bum, and Niniola reminded us that true dance artistry can be found in the Ibadi. It only makes sense that a Yemi Alade song honouring the same body part would slap as well. It’s simple mathematics.
We’ve mentioned before how this collaboration was written in the stars from the very beginning. Yemi Alade and Angelique Kidjo were a match made in heaven on this song, and it’s no wonder they decided to collaborate again on Dignity. We bought this combo once, and we’ll be buying it for as long as they decide to make sweet music together.
3. Ferrari
This song is a musical version of Bobrisky’s“I’m quite expensive. I’m not for everybody, which is normal, do you get?”
But think about it, na. How can you love someone and not buy them a Ferrari? The math is not mathing here. Love is a doing word, so do the do.
2. Johnny
When we talk about cultural resets, this song must come up. Ms. Alade had everyone and their mothers singing about infidelity when she decided to drag her lying-ass cheating man, Johnny. We have one question, though: Sis, why are you still looking for Johnny after he embarrassed you on the streets? Do you like embarrassment? Anyway, Johnny is to Yemi Alade what Ojuelegba (not Essence, dears) is to Wizkid — a classic we can never get enough of.
1. Nagode
This song has one of the most relatable opening lines of all time: “Person wey hustle suppose to chop. E suppose to pop. E suppose to chill”. Yes, Yemi, tell them! It cannot be work work every day. And no, the two-day weekend is not enough to pop, chill, and still sleep. Nagode reminds us to be grateful for the journey, even though we haven’t gotten to our final destination yet. Points were made!
Since amapiano became a thing last year, many Nigerian artists have tried their hands at it, either as originals or as guests on remixes. With 2021, showing an explosion of the genre on the Nigerian music scene, we decided to rank some of our favorite afrobeats-amapiano crossovers from the past year.
10. Too Sweet (O dun) – Niniola
Niniola has already shown us that deep down, she’s South African. Taking over the afro-house music scene, it made sense for her to take a stab at another South African genre. If we ever doubted her, Squander was staring us right in the face. Too Sweet has become the go-to “I came to slay” song on social media and honestly, we can’t stop listening.
9. 44 – Ayanfe
While Ayanfe’s name might not be popular, we have a strong feeling you’ve heard this song before. Off his recent All that Matters EP, this joint also features verses from other upcoming acts like Mystro and Jamopyper.
8. Stella Riddim – Wavy the Creator
Wavy the Creator is one of those artists you can’t put in a box. We doubt there’s a genre she hasn’t tried out (and done well, to be honest). Jumping on the amapiano train with some help from Ckay and Ghana’s Efya, Stella Riddim is a standout track from her new EP, PS: Thank you for waiting.
7. Mosafejo – Dunnie
With production credit on songs for Wande Coal, Yemi Alade, Niniola and Focalistic, singer Dunnie is not new to the music scene. While her work as a producer might grab your attention, it’s her amapiano inspired single, Mosafejo that will have you pulling out all the moves you’ve picked up from Instagram. If her single is this good, then we are ready for her upcoming album.
6. Come My Way – Wande Coal
You know it’s real when folks like Wande Coal decide to hop on a vibe. A match made in musical heaven for us, we got a chance to hear our Black Diamond flex his voice on one of the sickest amapiano beats of the year. Are we upset that Davido’s verse didn’t make the final song? Yes. But that doesn’t mean this version doesn’t slap, because omo, it does.
5. Ozumba Mbadiwe – Reekado Banks
If someone told us that after a string of major misses Reekado Banks would have one of the biggest songs of the year, we would have called the person a detty liar. This song came out in October and now just like the traffic on the road it’s named after, we can’t escape it. Major shout-out to Reekado for doing the needful by paying tribute to victims of the Lekki toll gate massacre of October 2020. We have a feeling that amapiano might be his true calling, who knows?
4. Yaba Buluku – DJ Tarico, Burna Boy and Nelson Tivane
Contrary to what you might think, this song isn’t even South African, it’s from Mozambique. This goes to show the rate at which amapiano has infiltrated not just the Nigerian music scene, but Africa as a whole. Leave it to Burna Boy to add his Jerusalema magic to the song for the rest of the world to catch up. Like most of the other crossover hits on this list, we don’t know what the lyrics mean. But who cares? We’ve already learnt the dance steps and that’s enough.
3. High – Adekunle Gold and Davido
Is it okay for us to admit that Adekunle Gold hasn’t missed all year? Because look at the receipts. Since dropping Afro Pop, Vol. 1 last year, he has been serving us hit after hit. When we heard about his collaboration with Davido, naturally, we knew it was going to bang but did we expect it to bang this hard? No. High is one of the best examples of taking amapiano and making it as Nigerian as possible without removing the sauce that made us fall in love with the genre. Maybe we’re pushing it at this point, but we wouldn’t mind a joint EP from these two.
2. Ke Star Remix – Focalistic, Davido and Virgo
Remixes work sometimes and other times they just end up being a hot pile of garbage. Already a massive hit when the original dropped in 2020, the Ke Star remix is a major example of a remix that works. With everyone constantly shouting OBO’s famous “E goes down when my gs connect”, we doubt anyone remembers the original. Do you?
1. Monalisa – Lojay and Sarz
When Lojay and Sarz dropped their joint EP LV N ATTN, our focus was immediately drawn to the title track featuring Wizkid and then, it eventually shifted to another hit on the album, Tonongo. While we were focusing on these two, Monalisa came out of nowhere and became one of the biggest songs of the year. This song proves yet again that there’s nothing Sarz can’t do. Is Lojay saying “Monalisa” or “Monalisan”? Well, hold on, let’s listen again, maybe we’ll figure it out this time.
No one is doing it like Wizkid right now. With two Grammy nominations, sold-out shows across the world, and an inescapable global smash hit that cracked the Billboard Hot 100 and became the official song of the summer, Wizkid has had a pretty stellar year. While the rest of the world might be whining their waist and screaming “you don’t need no other body”, day ones like us who knew Ayodeji back when he wore carrot jeans, know that our boy’s discography is untouchable. Here’s a pretty accurate ranking of Big W’s best songs.
Note: It’s our list, if you don’t like it, you can catch us outside.
10. Beat of Life (Samba) with Sarz
We decided to start with the most gingered song on this list. While Sarz has proven that he’s not our mate, back in 2012, he was just the sweet-looking producer who successfully fused Afrobeats and EDM to create this massive banger that rocked our world. Did we know the meaning of “Samba”? No. But that didn’t stop us from popping our booties on the dance floor.
9. Anoti
When Wiz announced a deluxe version of Made in Lagos, some of us were scared he would ruin a near-perfect album with filler tracks, but alas, we were wrong. The standout track from this new version has become one of our favorite Wizkid songs. You know a song is a jam when it comes with a dance move. While Wizkid might have started the dance craze by chance, placing Anoti on this list was 100% intentional on our part.
8. Energy with Skepta
No one can tell you nonsense when this jam comes on. Looking back, this song and Fever gave us a taste of what to expect from Made in Lagos—cool, stress-free vibes. Energy does its best to remind us to just relazz and be taken kiaroff, because this life is one and we only deal with positive vibes.
7. Sweet Love
Sounds from the Otherside is undoubtedly one of Wizkid’s most underrated albums and a record way ahead of its time. The album’s opening track is also one of the hottest Wizkid tracks. Complete with saxophones reminiscent of Fela when he wasn’t dragging the government, Sweet Love deserved way better and we’re ready to fight anyone who disagrees.
6. Jaiye Jaiye with Femi Kuti
A combination of Afrobeat and afrobeats, Jaiye Jaiye is one of the best tracks off Wizkid’s self-titled album, Ayo. The Sarz-produced track finds Wizkid holding his own alongside powerhouse legend, Femi Kuti. This song also reminds us that any free money we get, we should use it for enjoyment and ball for two. When we’re talking about iconic Wizkid songs, this is one of the first songs that come to mind.
5. Pakurumo
It banged then and it still bangs now. We all danced and lost our home training as Wizkid listed all the female Yoruba names he could find. This song, complete with its video, gave us the ultimate party vibe. A piece of advice, if you go to an owambe and you don’t hear this song, omo, there’s a strong chance their jollof rice won’t slap. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
4. On Top Your Matter
Yoruba men are known for having “sweet mouths” and here, we find Wizkid tapping into his inner Yoruba playboy journal. He first offers his life to his lover like a pack of small chops and as if that’s not enough, he goes ahead to compare her beauty to the queen mothers of the sea. Well, it’s a jam and we’re still obsessed five years later.
3. No Lele
“Ojuelegba shita. Ask your sister. My music travel, no visa.” The opening line of this song says it all. Wizkid knows who he is and to be honest, he’s not wrong.
2. Essence with Tems
Yes, finally. We know you’ve been waiting for this moment. Breathe, you’ve won.
If there’s one song that defined 2021, it’s Wizkid’s Essence. This song is an earworm so wormy, it almost borders on annoying. But you know what? Try as we might, we can’t deny how much this song hits our brains and waists. With Tems providing the sonic heartbeat for this song, Essence has undoubtedly changed the game for afrobeats and we couldn’t be happier.
1. Ojuelegba
Inspired by his humble beginnings, this is the song that shot Wizkid into the global music space. If there’s one thing we all relate to as Nigerians, it’s finding hope despite our struggles and no song captures this hope better than Ojuelegba. Famously remixed by Drake and Skepta way before One Dance and Energy, it would be hard to compile a list of iconic Nigerian songs without throwing this hit into the mix.
From having one of the most-watched music videos in the world on YouTube to dominating TikTok and Shazam, CKay has had quite the year.
Exploring street-thumping bangers to sultry slow whines, we ranked the five best songs from CKay so far.
5. Way (feat. Dj Lambo)
CKay’s released his first EP to a lukewarm reception. However, he began his road to redemption with this dance tune from his sophomore EP. He and Dj Lambo did a madness fusing Beethoven’s 5th harmony with Afrobeats. Nigerian musicians are experimenting with genres, and we’re here for it!
4. love nwantinti
TikTok catapulted love nwantinti to global acclaim. However, despite its meteoric success, love nwantinti ranks so low on this list of Ckay’s top 5 songs because all it has going for it is that it’s a cute song. The lyricism of the original song is a tad lax, but the drums will make you dance, and the hook will make you sing along. For a more immersive experience, listen to the remix with Kuami Eugene and Joeboy.
3. Mezebu (feat. Oxlade & KiDi)
In Mezebu, Ckay’s honey-soaked voice compliments the boldness of the drums. The song for finished men, it’s like being served breakfast with a delicious treat. You may want to listen this song before you date an Igbo woman. Regarding features, CKay hit the jackpot with Oxlade and KiDi; these men were delightfully down bad!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNHXe7PGi74
[newsletter]
2. Kiss Me Like You Miss Me
Kiss Me Like You Miss Me basks in the rush of ecstasy that new love brings. It’s the kind of song two first-year Unilag lovebirds sing when they see each other again after a semester’s break. Retaining elements of soul and R&B, the bass guitar, bold percussion and a burst of free-flowing piano chords meld with Ckay’s falsetto to bring forth a delicious hook. Produced by CKay himself, everything about this song has sappy, chocolatey vibes; you know CKay just entered the studio to have fun.
And when he said, “Put me for your status,” I felt it!
1. Felony
If love has not washed your head before, then we need to question your dating credentials. Felony is the quintessential love song, the song that put the boyfriend in his Boyfriend EP. It’s like listening to Coldplay on an Afropop beat. Again, while CKay’s won’t win any awards for lyricism, his ethereal vocals blend seamlessly with the piano chords, the violin (omg, the violin!), drums, everything!
Getting a university degree is still one of those things that many Nigerian students aspire to do. Today, in order to determine the best university in Nigeria, we have made a Ranked list of the top 5 Nigerian universities. Note that we have consulted several Nigerian university ranking bodies to inform our decision.
5. University of Nigeria, Nsukka.
Founded by Dr Nnamdi Azikwe in 1955, the University of Nigeria did not formally open till the 7th of October 1960. UNN has the distinction of being the first autonomous university within the country which made it easy for it to secure a position in the country’s educational history.
4. Covenant University
In any conversation about the best universities in Nigeria, as well as the best private universities, Covenant University is bound to be mentioned multiple times. The university was established in the year 2000 and became functional in 2002 when it was presented with an operating license certificate. The private pentecostal university has risen fast and has built a sterling reputation as a powerhouse that churns out outstanding alumni. It has also been named by the Nigerian University Commission as the best private university in Nigeria – in their 2018 ranking – as well as the sixth-best university overall.
3. University of Lagos
In the five decades that it has been in operation, the University of Lagos has garnered a reputation that fuels its nickname as the university of the first choice. It has become the dream university for many Nigerians. Founded in 1962, the University of Lagos has one the widest ranges of undergraduate and postgraduate programmes in Nigeria as well as an alumni group that includes some of the most influential Nigerians.
2. Lagos State University
Lagos State University has the distinction of being the only state-owned university in the state of Lagos. The University was established in 1983 and has since become one of the most popular and prestigious public universities in the country.
1. University of Ibadan
When the University of Ibadan was established in 1947, it was a college under the University of London. It eventually became an independent university in 1962 and has since evolved into one of the most instantly recognizable and respected educational institutions not just in Nigeria but West Africa, easily making the top two, and definitely not number two, in any ranking of Nigerian universities.
Davido is without a doubt one of the most successful Nigerian artists, possibly of all time. He has the bops and career milestones to prove it and one of the hallmarks of a truly amazing artist is their ability to collaborate with another artist and give you magic. Throughout his career, Davido has done this repeatedly but these five songs where Davido collaborated with another artist (or multiple artists) are some of the very best of his career.
5. The Best featuring Mayorkun
First of all, this song was haunting me. Any and everywhere I turned to, this song was playing. For me to listen to a song that much and still love it the way I love this bop rarely happens and that’s just a testimony to how good it is.
4. Sweet In The Middle featuring Wurld, Naira Marley and Zlatan
Like everyone, I am a sucker for a good party or club banger and this is one hell of a banger. I think why I’ll put this ahead of some of Davido’s other collaborations is that while it is very much perfect for a party or a club, it also is great for some solo listening.
3. D&G ( featuring Summer Walker)
This is the song that gave us the iconic line ‘when I look into your eyes, all I see is your waist’. Whoever wrote that line needs all the songwriting awards that exist on this planet. Even though I giggle whenever I hear this line and I laugh at how loud Davido is as he shouts this at Summer Walker, I have to admit it is a crazy good song with a whole lot of replay value.
2. Know Your Worth (Khalid, Disclosure, Davido, Tems)
This song is crazy good. The fact that this song isn’t bigger or more popular than it is makes me sad because I genuinely believe that it is one of the best collaborations of 2020 and all four collaborators put their best foot forward and created a truly amazing bop.
1. Holyground ft Nicki Minaj
I frankly didn’t see a Davido and Nicki Minaj collaboration coming so when this dropped I was genuinely pleased as well as shocked. I have no idea what ‘if she was a city, she be Timbukutu’ is supposed to mean but part of the appeal of Davido is not understanding half of the lyrics and just enjoying the bop. That’s what I do and it works for me.
Even if you’ve been living under a rock, chances are you have heard of the Big Brother Naija Lockdown Reunion, which has been taking place over the last few weeks. The reunion episodes are meant to walk us through the drama, emotions, and shenanigans that the Big Brother Naija contestants went through during their time on the show and after. Let’s just say they have been heavy on the drama.
Today, we are ranking the top five most entertaining contestants from the Big Brother Naija lockdown reunion show. These five contestants have had us on the edge of our seats for the entirety of the reunion episodes either through their dramatic reveals, their willingness to spill tea, and sometimes, willingness to physically throw down.
5. Lucy
Lucy has been mostly calm for the entirety of the reunion. However, things got a little heated when Ka3na came for her with claims about Lucy not being a good friend. What secured Lucy’s spot on this list has to be an argument with Kaisha that turned physical when Kaisha threw a pillow at her and she decided to beat the living daylight out of Kaisha. By the time they were separated, Lucy’s wig was in her hand, which she waved threateningly at Kaisha.
4. Tolani Baj
Tolani Baj came into the reunion with big bad bitch energy. Her rants, however, haven’t quite given the same energy. She has made for great TV, though, especially as we watched her come hard for Vee, resulting in one of the best one-on-one arguments of the reunion show.
3. Kaisha
Kaisha didn’t last very long on the Big Brother Naija show. She was evicted early but somehow has tea on everyone. During her first reunion appearance, Kaisha came in ready to give it to everyone as she pulled receipts to show whenever anyone tried to lie. She checked Kiddwaya when he claimed that he didn’t brag about his family’s wealth in the house. She also checked Neo when he claimed to not have made moves on her. Sadly, Kaisha tried to check Lucy but got her ass beat on national television. We haven’t seen her since. Rumour has it she hasn’t recovered from the fight. We miss her.
2. Tochi
For the most part, this reunion has been screaming matches between the contestants and we can’t help but notice how often Tochi gets dragged into them. His arguments are often about very weird issues like wanting to be greeted first by Dorathy or small food rations with Ka3na and Lucy. The longer an argument goes on, the louder Tochi seems to get. Plus his fashion choices have been very interesting.
1. Ka3na
Ka3na who was only in the Big Brother Naija House for two weeks but managed to have beef with almost every housemate. No one knows quite how she did it or even managed to retain the passion for all the beef considering how little time was in the house and how much time has passed since then. When we last checked, she had beef with Prince for saying he would never want to sleep with. She then went on to sleep with him to prove an insane point. She also has issues with Lucy, for reasons we don’t entirely understand. She also had an issue with Laycon because he didn’t reply to her comments on social media. For what it is worth, Ka3na has made the reunion worth tuning into every day because of her consistency with giving us the drama we need. ALL HAIL THE BOSS LADY!
There’s no other or better way to put it: P-Square was iconic. The musical duo may have split now but back in the day, they gave us hit after hit.
Today we are ranking a few of their most iconic songs.
Personally
This song was what you call a moment. It was essentially a homage to the late king of pop, Michael Jackson, so it involved a lot of Michael Jackson-esque moves particularly from the smooth criminal era. This song – and accompanying video – had more than a few cringe moments but all around it was a bop.
Miss U Die
They don’t make bops like this anymore. God will bless whoever broke the P-Square brothers’ heart because that heartbreak gave us this iconic bop. I think this is easily one of their best songs.
Beautiful Onyinye
Where Miss U Die is a sad, I-miss-you song and all, Beautiful Onyinye is sort of a celebration of love. I loved this particular era of P-Square because they were sort of sitting at this intersection of pop and RnB and it was so good. I just feel bad for all the girls that were named Onyinye during this era.
Bizzy Body
Is this one of the best Nigerian songs from the early 2000s? I kind of think so. It is that good. And I think the best part is that it works as a club banger and a song you listen to and enjoy all by yourself and not many songs are that versatile.
Do Me
When I think ‘P-Square’ this is the song that comes to mind. This, I feel, is the ultimate P-Square banger. It is a bop and a half. It is so well-written, so well-delivered and is utterly iconic in every single way. If this isn’t at the top of your P-Square list then you, my darling, are a liar or just lacks taste.
Can you guess what the best sport was in Old Nollywood was? It’s husband snatching! Back in the day and apparently till today, it was really easy to snatch Nigerian men from their wives.
Today, we are ranking some of our favourite actresses who played the hell out of those husband snatcher roles.
Uche Jumbo
Uche Jombo isn’t particularly known for play husband snatcher roles but in the absolutely iconic and chaotic movie Beyonce and Rihanna, Uche Jombo made a particularly gutsy move by going for the man who was in the middle of the struggle. Do you know what it takes to attempt to steal a man two women are fighting for? The gall!
Mercy Johnson
I don’t think many Nollywood stars have played unwitting husband snatchers quite like Mercy Johnson. The uneducated househelp who somehow managed to bag her oga and chased out the madam that brought her in is one trope that boggles my mind but somehow, Mercy Johnson has become the queen of it.
Genevieve Nnaji
In the movie “Blood Sister”, Genevieve Nnaji poisoned her sister just so she could steal her husband and you know what, I stan. The dedication, the focus, the callousness. On one hand, I condemn such behaviours. On the other, go her!
Regina Askia
I don’t know how else to say this but Regina Askia is the blueprint. She is the OG bad girl, she made it possible for the other girls to do it. She is the standard and the ceiling itself. While she played a plethora of husband snatching roles that I love, I am obsessed with her role in where she not only stole Tony Umez from his wife, she locked him a groundnut bottle.
Onscreen chemistry is one thing Old Nollywood got right. Some actors and actresses just had this thing that left you rooting for them hard even when you don’t think you should be. We decided to rank the top five couples from Old Nollywood that were everything.
Genevieve Nnaji and Emeka Ike
I know Tony Umez is everyone’s favourite Nollywood lover boy but for me, the distinction goes straight to Emeka Ike because he often played the poor boy always willing to love with all his heart and give what he didn’t have. And the best part? He did it all without being jazzed even a bit. The movies he and Genevieve Nnaji played love interests were, in my books, some of the best Nollywood romantic dramas and if we ever get a thriving rom-com movie industry in Nigeria, I would still love to see them in something.
Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde and Tony Umez
When I think of this couple, I just imagine Omotola in one of those flowing bubbas while Tony goes off to work angrily even though his wife and life is perfect. The couple always started out every movie stressing the daylights out of me but the good thing about them and the reason they made it to this list, is that the love they display in the final act of the movie tends to always more than makeup for it.
Rita Dominic and Jim Iyke
Something about this couple just seemed violent. A lot of Rita Dominic’s early roles required guns, short axes and a lot of violence and so did Jim Iyke, the OG bad boy, so when you brought the duo together, it was like Nollywood Bonnie and Clyde but they somehow made that work. I don’t know how they did but I stan.
RMD and Stella Damascus
Before we say anything, can we talk about the beauty overload of this couple? Like wow. This is out of this world. Of all the Nollywood couples on this list, this is the one I have always wanted to adopt me. The beauty, the grace, the confidence, the elegance. And that’s just RMD.
Genevieve Nnaji and Ramsey Nouah
When I think of Genevieve and Ramsey Nouah all I think about is a montage that shows them eating ice-cream in a park or restaurant while Marc Anthony’s I Need You plays in the background. These two are the OG couple who inspired every other couple and it is time they get their flowers.
Bread is a common food here in Nigeria. We eat bread with almost everything from spreads to beans to akara and anything that tastes just good.
But if we had to rank these breads in order of taste and popularity, which one is likely to rank first?
We’ll tell you.
6. Coconut bread
The first time I tasted this, it wasn’t what I was expecting. Sure, it tastes good, but there’s just something about it that made me know there’d be no repeat purchase for me, unless my craving called for it. Also, the coconut kept flaking and just made a mess everywhere. Abeg dear. I cannot be sweeping floor because I ate bread.
5. Sardine bread
I honestly feel like this bread promises a lot but delivers very little. Because how can such a large loaf have just a tiny sardine in it? Why not just buy bread and sardine separately so you can enjoy it properly? That’s how I see it sha.
4. Wheat bread
Wheat bread will always be that bread I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, it’s very nutritious and works well for dietary needs. On the other hand, the taste is quite a roadblock. But if you get used to it, you’re in for the good life. Take it from me.
3. Bread rolls
This for me is perfection. It is exquisite in taste and very appealing. It’s the kind you eat many rolls in one sitting without paying too much attention. A test of self-control.
2. Banana bread
This is one good thing that came out of the lockdown. Yes, it has been in existence for a while, but the lockdown just ‘amplified’ it. In taste, it ranks high for me. It’s deeply satisfying to eat, and it bangs hard with yoghurt or very creamy tea.
1. White bread
There’s a space reserved for kings and this bread will always be found there. Do you think it’s possible for one bread to have so much fan love and relevance? White bread will always be THAT bread. No other bread comes close.
I never liked Vampire movies and series. They were always very cringy to me because why are the characters so white? And why do people drink blood? And why is the government not doing anything about it? So, so many questions.
But I know that a lot of people watch them, so I’ve decided to rank them after watching some parts of some of them, and a lot of discussion with Vampire movie lovers that are somehow my friends.
6. True Blood
People say this show is addictive, but that’s all they have to say about it. Not “It’s great”, or “I love it”. Just “It’s addictive.” Does anybody prefer True Blood to any other Vampire show?
5. Van Helsing
If you have some time to kill and you’re not too keen on great writing, watch Van Helsing. It’s…just there. But it’s not bad.
4. Legacies
Even though it has just two seasons, a lot of people are already talking about Legacies. I’m hoping that they don’t overstretch it and rush the ending. Seeing as it was produced by Julie Plec, the same woman who created Vampire Diaries and The Originals, it’s a possibility.
3. Twilight
If you’re a teenager who just fell in love for the first time and likes to dream, Twilight feels like the perfect show for you. Although it’s not a “series’, it’s a bunch of really good vampire movies. Some might think they stretched it too long though.
2. Vampire Diaries
People that watched this show might feel a bit cheated that they didn’t get a ninth season. One thing that stands out for many watchers though, is the relationship between Damon and Stefan. Best. Brothers. Ever.
1. The Originals
You can’t have a conversation with someone who watches The Originals without them mentioning how handsome and perfect Klaus is. Other characters in this show must be jealous. But nonetheless, it’s a great spin-off from The Vampire Diaries and it deserves its spot at number one.
For the past seven days Nigeria has had it’s biggest national scale protest since 1993. The #EndSARS protest is a peaceful but powerful movement against police brutality in Nigeria, both generally, and specifically by the Special Anti-Robbery Squad of the Nigerian Police.
In these marches, music is an important tool to keep the people going. This article ranks some of the most popular songs that would keep Nigerians going during protests.
Note: Some songs on this list don’t have an outright “protest” message. They’re here as “ginger” songs to keep the people going.
8. 2Face – No Shaking
My guy na your eye go sharpen because e be like say e don dey happen. Is it really…happening?
7. Wande Coal – Bumper to Bumper
This one is here for the nostalgia. When people are getting tired during these marches, just queue this song. You’ll see movement.
6. Burna Boy – Anybody
This one is here because of the violence. You know the song, you know the lyrics, so you can see how this could work in a protest, right?
5. 2Face- For Instance
2Face talks about how many of the things Nigerians face are swept under the carpet. Someone tell 2Face that we’re not taking that shit from the government anymore.
4. Falz – This Is Nigeria
Falz has been a loud and resounding voice for Nigerians during these protests. When he released this song two years ago as an adaptation of Donald Golver’s “This Is America”, it felt like he had captured the entire state of Nigeria in one song. It still feels like that today.
3. African China – Crisis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22g0kfW4auc
A song that talks about government fuck ups? Please increase the volume.
2. Fela Kuti – Beasts of No Nation
If you’re going on one of those long walks, and you have twenty-eight minutes to spare, this song is perfect. This list would never be complete without at least one Fela song. He would be proud of us.
1. African China- Mr President
This song is number one because we’re currently protesting against police brutality. There are so many things African China said in this 2006 song that are still true in today’s Nigerian society, fourteen years later. Oh..and it’s an absolute jam.
Here’s a statement that you can’t disagree to: Nollywood movies are getting better every year. The growth in the quality of production, storytelling and general execution is noteworthy and must be celebrated. On Ranked today, I’ll go back to 2019, the gift that keeps giving, and rate some of the best movies released that year.
What do you think?
9. Sugar Rush
This movie loses points for Banky W’s “beard” and loses even more points for trying to be funny every 5 seconds. It has a nice cast though. But having a nice cast means it could have done way better, so I’m deducting more points for wasting potential.
8. Love Is War
Omoni Oboli and RMD would make a nice real life couple, you know. Directed by Omoni Oboli and produced by Inkblot, this political thriller about a husband and wife contesting for the same political post is interesting to watch, although somewhat unrealistic.
7. The Bling Lagosians
People say this is the “Crazy Rich Asians” of Nollywood, and I ask “Do you have a problem with that?” Among other solid performances, what stands out for me is Elvina Ibru’s execution of her role as Mopeola. Solid movie.
6. Nimbe
I like to describe this movie as “confrontational”. Directed by Tope Alake, it doesn’t shy away from the message it’s trying to pass across: responsible parenting and societal morals. Nice.
5. Mokalik
Mokalik, which means “Mechanic”, feels like a documentary, but that’s not a terrible thing. What I like about this movie is that it takes us through the lives of the people it portrays very realistically, visually and even with the use of language. Kunle Afolayan, great job.
4. The Set Up
What I love the most about the movie is the cinematography. Nice stuff. It could have had a better story though, but It was good.
3. Elevator Baby
First things first, I love the storyline. It’s simple, but it’s new. I like new. A man and a woman meet in an elevator, the elevator gets stuck, the woman goes into labour.
2. Coming From Insanity
When you see “Based On A True Story” at the beginning of a movie, the game changes. Well, this true story is captivating as hell. The ending seems a bit “action film”, but it’s a pretty good movie. People don’t talk about it enough.
1. Living in Bondage: Breaking Free
Expectations for this movie were high, but it surpassed those expectations. Right from that first scene, I was glued to the screen and there was nothing taking me away. Sometimes, I just randomly say “hmmm Nnamdi Okeke!”
I wasn’t a big Runtown fan until I listened to a shitload of his songs for this Ranked. He’s actually got a great body of work, so I ranked his top ten best songs.
Here you go:
10. Baby Answer
“Girl my love for you be like kilimanjarooo…” and then the rhymes that follow. 2014 was a good year. I like that this song has some lowkey highlife vibe. And who was that babe in the video?
9. Body Riddim
There’s something about the video of this song that just exudes youthful energy very colourfully. The Darkovibes and Bella Shmurda collab gives the song a nice balance as well. Nothing too loud, nothing too fast, just vibes.
8. Unleash
Am I the only one that thinks Runtown sounds a lot like Wizkid sometimes? In this song, he definitely does. Also, why does he like people playing with his hair in his music videos?
7. Energy
This song has the energy I feel like I would have if I suddenly hammered $1 million out of nowhere. “Free smoke, free Hennesy…more life to my enemies.” What more do you want?
6. Bend Down Pause
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovhX7LUzhPs
Baby just bend down, bend down, pause. Baby just bend down, bend down, pause. Baby just bend down, bend down, bend down, bend down, bend down, bend down, pause!
5. Lagos to Kampala
Remember what I said about Runtown sounding like Wizkid? Now, imagine both of them on a track talking about the days of suffering. Wizkid always bodies songs where he talks about his past. Look at Ojuelegba.
4. For Life
I can’t wait to use the lines “My doctor say my cure dey on top your body o.” This is an actual love song. Bruno Mars should come and learn work.
3. The Banger
I don’t understand a word of what Uhuru guy was saying, but this song is a banger. I should add it to my dance songs playlist.
2. Gallardo
Honestly, there’s so much in this song, it could easily have been two songs. But it’s ranked so high because of nostalgia and Davido.
1. Mad Over You
This song is right up there with all the Nigerian bangers in the past 5 years. The sound, the lyrics, the video, everything is perfect. It’s definitely Runtown’s best song. I hope he gives us something like this again soon.
You’ll find a Nigerian song about everything; politics, food, drugs… everything. On today’s Ranked, I’m looking at Nigerian songs about butts.
What’s your favourite Nigerian song about butts?
9. “Lalakukulala” – Oladips ft. Reminisce
You’ll probably forget this song is about butts by the time you begin to dance. Nice song. I can’t make much out of the lyrics, but it’s a very nice song to vibe to.
8. “PXTA” – Naira Marley
Control the crowd, control the crowd. Marlians come forward, the rest fuck off… and then just a whole lot of twerking. This song’s video is the definition of “Show, don’t tell”.
7. “Booty Language” – Skales ft Sarkodie
How do you say booty in your language?
6. “Bum Bum” – DMW, Davido & Zlatan
Apart from the chorus, which has a lot of “bumbum” in it, there isn’t a lot that says this song is about butts. In any case though, it’s a good song with the usual Davido energy.
5. “Bombay” – Wizkid ft Phyno
This is a fact: wherever you hear the chorus of this song, everyone is singing along. It’s also crazy that this song dropped over six years ago, but you’re hearing it play very clearly in your head.
4. “Shiga” – Vector
Vector was such a perv in the video of this song, but I can’t even lie, this song is an absolute bop. There’s also that part where I always bite my tongue “Shebiwolomdepelukinigbangashigari”.
3. “Rora” – Reekado Banks
I love how he’s singing about her butt and it sounds like a love song. But I put this song on reply just so I can hear the line “Eledumare give you face in addition to bumbumbumbumbum”. I love it.
2. “Ukwu” – Timaya
Fun fact: You can’t say “Ukwu” without your mind playing the beats that follow. Great, timeless song. Timaya knows the work.
1. “Iskaba” – Wande Coal
Wande Coal dropped a banger with Iskaba and 2017 knew about it. It always kills me that he tried to pull a Bruno Mars with the video. The song is super dope though. It deserves this number one spot.
Even if you live under a rock, you probably know that the contestants from this year’s Big Brother are pretty popular. Because I want to look for trouble, I’m going to rank this season’s housemates in order of personal preference.
Enjoy:
10. Vee and Neo
The Bonnie and Clyde of the season deserve a joint spot on the list. They played the housemates like chess, and despite the fact that they have no fanbase of their own, they have used borrowed fans to secure spots in the top 5. You have to respect that.
9. Lucy
Lucy’s on this list because, for the most part, she was this season’s sympathetic villain. She was an instigator or participant in most of this season’s juiciest fights, and even after leaving the house, she is still causing wahala and throwing shade on her media rounds.
8. Tolani Baj
Tolani Baj started with the right energy, but somewhere along the line, she kind of lost it. Her vibrant personality has been very evident since she left the house, and if we had seen that side of her while she was still a housemate, she’d be much higher on this list.
7. Prince
On paper, Prince is the one housemate that looks a lot like a BBNaija winner. He is multi-talented, scandal-free and was very coordinated in the house. But Nigerians want chaos mixed with PDA, so they let him go. They’ll live to regret it sha.
6. Dorathy
Dorathy is one of the housemates left in the game who actually deserves a spot in the top 5 this year. She’s had her head and priorities right from day one. One or two times she tripped and caught feelings, but she brushed them right off and kept her eyes on the prize.
5. Ozo
When we first saw Ozo, we thought we had met the Miracle of this season. But after watching him for 8 weeks and counting, he has shown us that he stepped right out of a Zee World rom-com. He has his moments, but his tedious obsession with Nengi is the reason he isn’t higher on this list.
4. Nengi
When the show first started, everyone thought it would be us watching Nengi play ten-ten with all the guy’s heads for the 10 weeks, but 8 weeks later and she is not even the first or second most talked about housemate. Still, she is inherently watchable and would make a solid winner.
3. Kiddwaya
It took viewers some time to warm up to Kiddwaya, but when they finally fell for him, they fell really hard. Kidd was the vibes in the house, the one who was there for the fun of it and gave the viewers their money’s worth in entertainment value.
2. Erica
Erica is the second most popular housemate from this season and for good reason. Her star quality is undentiable. Even now that she’s left the show — taking away Laycon’s only real competition — she is almost always still trending on social media.
1. Laycon
This year, Laycon is the people’s choice. He’s the one with the biggest, loudest and fiercest fanbase. He is like Efe, but with the talent. Some say it’s because he is talented, others say it’s a pity votes. Whatever it is, he is riding on it to N85 million.
If you grew up in the ’90s and early 2000’s you’ll definitely have fun memories of sitting in the living room at night, with the adults waiting for your favourite TV Series to start. The theme songs were always fire, too. Good times.
Today, we’re taking you back to the past, and ranking the top, most watched series from the early 2000’s.
8. I Need To Know
Fun Fact: I only recently realized that it was Funke Akindele who played Bisi in I Need To Know. It was a pretty nice series that talked about morals, values and all of that. I don’t remember looking forward to it so much though.
7. Dear Mother
Lanre Hassan and Moyin Olutayo carried their roles beautifully and the feminine energy from this series was unmatched. I’m going to find some episodes to watch so I can feel some nostalgia now.
6. Everyday People
Don’t lie, you’re singing the theme song in your head right now. This show made me laugh a lot, but I admire how every single episode, captured the title of the show. Because the stuff that happened in this show, is the stuff you’ll find in real life. RIP Sam Loco Efe.
5. Binta and Friends
Be yourself, don’t compromise… bring out your inner beauty, Binta and Friends. Binta made me feel like a black sheep every time, because how could someone be such a good child? The fact that the protagonist was young was super huge for me as well. I’ll play this show for my kids.
Sidenote: That picture isn’t from actual Binta and Friends. Why is there nothing related to Binta and Friends on the ENTIRE internet?
4. This Life
How can you tell your son to jump from the roof, not catch him, and then use that as a life lesson. Your own son, for fucks sake. That intro enough made the show super intruiging. The theme song that followed, unforgettable. The show itself was also pretty nice.
3. Fuji House of Commotion
This show lived up to it’s name because all the drama unraveling at the same time me most of the time. But it’s definitely a top tier comedy show. What it taught me? Don’t be like Chief. Know when to stop.
2. Super Story
Thursday nights, 8pm, the sounds of a generators in the background, rice and stew, and Super Story. Tell me a better love story than that. Every season of Super Story was amazing. They sure knew how to keep us hooked. The real WAP: Wale Adenuga Production.
1. Papa Ajasco
Pure, unadulterated comedy. Papa Ajasco was the best of the bunch. My favourite character was Boy Alinco. I need to get one of those shades, ASAP.
Fireboy DML is a beautiful musician and an amazing writer. This Ranked episode has arguably been the most difficult to do, but here are the top 5 songs from Fireboy’s Laughter, Tears & Goosebumps Album.
5. What If I Say
If you’re single, this song will make you want to get hitched ASAP. The delivery of this song is fantastic. Even the way the song starts with those chant-like sounds “Jo won ma lo’sanle, Insama du” makes it even much more enthralling and then all the rhymes. Have I mentioned that Fireboy has an amazing voice?
4. Energy
How does Fireboy manage to tell amazing stories with his music while still making them absolute ear candy? There’s something he’s not telling other musicians.
3. King
A king asking to be treated like a king? Sign me up. I love the way he just switches to Yoruba for the chorus. It gives the song some sense of extra depth.
2. Vibration
I’m a sucker for songs with dominant and distinct trumpet sounds. But that’s not all there is to this song. You just want to dance when Vibration is playing, like “Is my name Faridah? Why do I want to dance so bad?”
Young John was wicked for this one
1. Feel
Whenever I listen to this song, I begin to feel Fireboy’s love in my soul and his touch on my body. Adedamola, please.
Ranking this album took me longer than it should have because this is arguably my favourite Nigerian album of all time. But after a lot of listens, this is what I came up with.
And it’s accurate.
10. No One Knows
It’s funny that I really like this song, but now that I’m ranking all of the songs on the album, it’s coming 10th. Anyways, it is what it is. If I did this on another day, it might have been higher. No one knows tomorrow.
9. Fire On The Mountain
If you take away the fact that this song was drugs for everyone when the album dropped, you’ll realize that other songs on the album are honestly better than Fire On The Mountain. If you listen to the album again, you’ll see.
8. Peace
Beautiful tune, nice progression, but it’s literally just the same verse twice.
7. So Beautiful
Who doesn’t love a song about their mother. The genuineness that you hear in Asa’s voice and in the lyrics make it a beautiful song. Plus it’s the last song on the album and it just leaves you wanting more.
6. Jailer
Apart from the fact that I have to keep saying “God forbid”, when I say “I’m in chains”, “I’m a prisoner” and “I will die”, this song is basically perfect. Absolutely beautiful way to start one of the best albums in the history of Nigerian music.
5. Subway
This song basically taught me that people will break your heart if you’re not careful. I remember always being angry at the person that might have broken Asa’s heart, like “How could you?”
4. 360
Are you feeling down? Do you want to feel motivated? Listen to 360. You’ll finish that pitch you were working on when you hear Asa say “This world will never ever wait for you”.
3. Eye Adaba
I used to hate this song because it was everyone’s alarm tone in my house and you would wake up every morning to this song playing endlessly. But I’ve now grown to absolutely love it. Just never using it as my alarm.
2. Awe
Maybe I just like gossip, but this song always intrigued me. Brother Wahidi! Why did you impregnate someone that is old enough to be your mother and run away??
1. Bibanke
This song was just pure tears, but beautiful tears. It’s also a really great sounding song. Definitely my favorite from that album. Great song, great album overall.
Today on Ranked! we take on the local Nigerian drinks. Are you looking to try any of them but don’t know which? This ranking is a nice place to start.
4. Pito
I don’t know if anyone knows this, but it was quite popular in the area I grew up. It was said to have health benefits, and that’s the only reason why it’s on this list. That, and the fact that it always comes handy in a very hot weather.
3. Zobo
I honestly dislike zobo. It gives me this burning/peppery sensation in my throat and I don’t know why. Maybe I’ve not tasted the right one. I wonder how people enjoy such a bottom tier drink. I only like it (small) when you add fruits to it and make a local chapman. Other than that, please throw that coloured acid away.
2. Kunu
Kunu has to be one of the best things to come out of Nigeria. From my experience, it goes well with anything, especially when it’s very cold. When it has a slight tinge of pepper or ginger, it slaps really hard.
1. Palm wine
You honestly didn’t think I would rate anything above palm wine, did you? Palm wine has been repping and will continue to rep. Let’s all rise to celebrate the undefeated champion, please.
BONUS:
Tiger Nut Milk
This is also kunu, but it’s called Kunu Aya/Tiger Nut milk. It seems Nigerians have just woken up to it. It’s on sale everywhere now.
Garri should be inducted into the hall of fame for cereals, really. For ages, it has dutifully served Nigerians home and abroad, and that is why it has no equal. But then, if the following ‘accompaniments’ were laid down, which of them would you pick to drink garri with?
8. Kuli Kuli
I will never understand why kuli kuli is still in existence and why people actually like it. Eating it is an ordeal. You’ll have to swallow one spoon of garri, and then bite part of this chewing stick. Neh. Not for me and my teeth.
7. Coconut
Coconut and garri is an award-winning combo. For real. But as much as I’m tempted to rank coconut higher, I won’t. The trouble in shelling and extracting the edible part has taken away all the fun. Sorry, dear. Next time, don’t play hard to get.
6. Powdered Milk.
Adding powdered milk to your garri is elite. Really elite. But powdered milk can never stand alone. It still needs other accessories to bang properly. And that’s what me I dislike.
5. Chocolate Milk.
Powdered milk should have gotten this spot. But then I reconsidered. Chocolate milk (Milo, Bournvita, Ovaltine, etc) works harder. And they don’t need other accessories to make an impact. So, this is a highly deserved spot.
4. Groundnuts.
If I had my way, I would put groundnuts as number 1. That’s how much of an impact I think it has. But you will call me biased, and say that I have taken bribe from groundnut. That’s why I kept it at number 4. Not too high, not too low. The quality will speak for it.
3. Beans.
In this category is every variant of beans: moi-moi, akara, beans and stew, or the kind of beans put here. If akara does not work for you, moi-moi will. Or beans and stew. This diversity is why beans is ranked 3rd.
2. Suya.
Do I need to say more? Okay, I do. Suya should have come first, but suya is queen of the night. And what happens when I need garri in the afternoon? If suya needs that first position, she better start working day shifts. Otherwise…
1. Fried Fish.
Can we all rise up to celebrate the superstar of all times? Fried fish brings a unique taste to the table, and combines with garri to bring you pleasure that you can’t get elsewhere. Let’s not even start on smoked fish. Argue if you like, but I know you’ll go and get fish after reading this. That’s how much power this winner carries.
BONUS: Ice Block
Ice blocksbring a new dimension to drinking garri on a hot afternoon. Even if you don’t have sugar or the other accessories, once you have ice block, you are good to go.
Burna Boy has announced that he’ll be releasing his fifth studio, “Twice as Tall” album on August 14 and the world is eagerly waiting. Yes, the world. Burna Boy is a global talent. The 15-track album was co-produced by P. Diddy and was mostly recorded during the months of coronavirus induced lockdown.
In anticipation for that release, we decided to rank all his albums to date. Check it out:
On A Spaceship
There’s just something about this album that doesn’t cut it for me, when I compare it to his other bodies of work. Maybe it’s because it has 20 songs and it feels quite long. But then again, it has “Soke” on it, so it’s kinda hard, but it’ll have to stay at No.5.
Redemption (EP)
When an EP starts with “Pree Me”, you already know it’s going to be really good. The rest of the EP just goes by nicely, nothing too mind blowing. But it’s a really good EP.
Outside
WAIT! I know Ye is on this Album. I absolutely love Ye too. I love the entire album. But when you’re Burna Boy and you make so much amazing music, something just has to be at number 3. I don’t make these rules.
L.I.F.E
This album is Burna telling the world “Yo, I’m coming for you”, and he did. This album isn’t number 2 because of nostalgia. It’s a great listen, for whatever mood you’re in. Top, top album.
African Giant
Everyone should probably listen to this album at least once a day. African Giant is an absolutely brilliant album. It’s probably one of the albums you’ll take anywhere in the world and nobody will find one bad song.
There are a few new kids on the block in the Nigerian music space, but not many are as exciting as Divine Ikubor, popularly known as Rema. The youngster currently signed to Jonzing World, a subsidiary of Mavin Records has within such a short time dropped a surprising amount of great music and he’s becoming a fan favourite.
I decided to rank some of the songs that I consider to be among his best.
Here we go.
Why
Don’t get me wrong. On another list, this song would be higher, but compared to Rema’s other songs, “Why” doesn’t just cut it. Why…Why..
Iron Man
Don’t hit me with “but it was on Obama’s list”. I’m not Obama. It’s a pretty good song, not gonna lie, but 8th is also not a bad position, don’t you think?
Woman
“Sakoloweko, o weko…gear 1, gear 2, gear tiri” This song is a bop, but I’d just rather not be cursing myself saying what I don’t know
Spiderman
I didn’t hop on the Rema train on time, and Spiderman was one of my early faves, and it’s still a jam. I can never stop saying “somebody save me”
Beamer
Rema really did something beautiful with this song. But the point where the song really hits is the chorus. Beamer is a jam.
Ginger Me
The fact that this song was only released in June 2020 and it’s this high on the list says a lot about it. Rema really came with his sound and he didn’t forget rhyme as usual.
Lady
Something about this song just really makes me want to dance. it’s definitely a Rema classic. Just pure vibes
Dumebi
If Dumebi isn’t this high up this list, then there’s a mistake somewhere. Even if it isn’t one of his most recent songs, it’s definitely one of his best songs.
Bad Commando
Without any questions, Bad Commando is Rema’s best song to date. The fact that it’s also really short makes me listen to it at least 3 times before I move to another song. Another banger!
After waxing poetic about the versatility of yam last week, someone pointed out to me that plantain deserved the same bragging rights. Spoiler alert my favourite form of plantain is dodo so you already know what’s going to top this list but there are at least eight other ways to enjoy plantain.
Boiled Plantain
You can’t go wrong with any type of plantain dish, it’s simply impossible. But given all the other things you could make from plantain I can’t fathom why anyone would decide to just boil plantain. Nothing else. It seems like a terrible waste of potential.
Plantain Chips
I like plantain chips, it’s my favourite traffic snack. My biggest problem with it is that it’s so hard to eat. It gets stuck in my teeth, I need a bottle of water at hand and sometimes the plantain is unripe. Stress. Otherwise, it’s great. When I’m talking about plantain chips here though, I’m talking about kpekere, the one you’d buy on Benin/Ore road. Some of the packaged ones come close, but nothing quite beats kpekere.
Roasted Plantain
I like roasted plantain well enough. With some fried fish and peppered sauce on the side, it’s divine. But does anyone ever wake up and say “you know what I’m going to eat roasted plantain today”. I only every remember roasted plantain when I see it being made. If it’s not on my side of the road and I have to cross to buy it, I probably won’t even bother.
Plantain Pottage
I find plantain pottage on its own to be a little too sweet for my liking. The perfect way to enjoy plantain pottage is when you add in a little yam to offset that sweetness. Plantain pottage might not be the greatest type of pottage out there, but it’s a pretty great meal.
Plantain Fufu
This one is for people who already appreciate the greatness that is Fufu, people who are yet to see the light can skip this and seek help. For the Fufu, lovers think about the goodness that is light fluffy Fufu paired with your favourite soup hitting your tongue and sliding down your throat. Multiply the shivers that just went down your spine by ten. That’s what Plantain fufu tastes like. For the people who are put off from Fufu mostly because of its smell, Plantain Fufu will change the way you look at Fufu forever.
Mosa
One of the most controversial food opinions I hold is that Mosa is the greatest thing in a small chops pack. For the sake of political correctness and so people won’t beat me outside I like to say Puff Puff. But I like to think that this is a safe space, so there I said it, Mosa is the best thing to have ever happened to small chops.
Gizdodo
Gizdodo is what you get when you combine two bad bitches to make a supreme bad bitch. I don’t know what sort of experiment led to the creation of Gizdodo but I suspect it’s akin to that of Professor X when he made the Powerpuff girls. An accidental combo that turned out to be the greatest thing to ever happen to the world.
Kelewele
Kelewele is like fried plantain with extra steps and a Ghanaian staple. The four essential ingredients are plantain, pepper, ginger and salt. If you like spicy food you might even argue that it’s superior to dodo. However, what is inarguable is that it tastes divine.
Fried Plantain (Alloco/Dodo)
Dodo is to Nigeria as Alloco is to Ivory Coast, but they are both fried plantain. For the sake of accuracy I’ve decided not to separate Alloco and Dodo as they are both pretty much fried plantain. But I think I’d be doing Alloco an injustice if I didn’t point out that it’s superior to Dodo. Unlike dodo that is fried from plantain in varying degrees of ripeness, Alloco is only fried with the ripest of plantains. So it’s sweet and soft and almost melts in your mouth.
For a food item that’s so versatile, yam surprisingly gets a lot of flak. I often see it pitted against plantain, who is great in her own right but is far less superior to yam. But that’s a conversation for another day.
There are so many possibilities with yam I tend to distrust people who don’t like it, in at least one form. As I made this list I came to the realisation that I quite love yam, which made this ranking the hardest I’ve ever had to do.
Ikokore
I considered leaving Ikokore of this list completely because I don’t want that smoke. But if no one else will say it, let me be the first to say that Ikokore is a very disappointing meal.
Full disclosure, I’ve consumed Ikokore a total of 2 times in my life. It’s possible that both times it was just made by a really bad cook. But if we are being honest Ikokore has nothing going on for it. It doesn’t look good. It has a very odd texture. And tastes like you were trying to make regular pottage but accidentally dumped too much water in, and left it to cook for way too long.
Yamarita
This might be a controversial opinion to yam lovers but I find Yamarita to be a very unnecessary meal. It just feels like it’s doing too much. It’s dipped in flour, eggs all that jazz. Then fried, but I’m still supposed to eat it with a sauce if not it won’t bang. It just seems like a lot of work for a frankly mediocre dish. It’s like fried yam, but somehow worse. And yes this includes TFC’s yamarita.
Fried Yam
As much as I love yam I find fried yam a little hard to eat. When I’m forced to eat fried yam so many questions run through my head. Why is it so hard? Will it choke me? If I don’t drink water as I eat it, could I die? I could probably die.
Roasted Yam
I have no strong feelings towards roasted yam, it seems like something I’d enjoy over lunch with Pete Edochie and Kanayo O Kanayo as we discuss the next set of recruitments for our cult. I will say though, that roasted yam with palm oil that you add a pinch of salt to is kind of fire.
Amala
Amala is made out of yam flour so I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to count it as a yam dish. It’s also one of my top three swallows. The only flaw Amala suffers from is that it’s made to only be consumed with Ewedu, Stew and Gbegiri. It just doesn’t work with anything else.
Yam Pottage
If this were a pottage ranking, yam pottage might rank last. Just because sweet potato pottage and plantain pottage exist. But this isn’t a pottage ranking and I like yam pottage well enough to rank it fourth on this list. Yam pottage is at its best when you add on as many accompaniments as you can lay your hands on. Bell peppers, ponmo, shaki, periwinkle, the more the merrier. Spoil that pottage with love.
Boiled Yam
Boiled Yam is like white rice, plain, boring and almost inedible by itself. But once you combine it with anything at all from eggs to stew to palm oil it becomes absolutely fire. Quick life hack, if you add a pinch of sugar to the pot when you are boiling your yam, it’ll change your life.
Pounded Yam
If I’m being completely honest the only reason Pounded Yam doesn’t rank first on this list is because I’m Urhobo and my loyalties lie with Ukodo whose greatness I’ll get to in a bit. But pounded yam is the greatest swallow no contest and the second-best yam dish to ever be made.
Ukodo (Yam Peppersoup)
Yam pepper soup is at the top of this list because, after Banga, it’s the greatest Nigerian dish to ever exist. I’m not sure what it’s called in other regions in Nigeria but for South-South people, it’s Ukodo. Here’s what makes Ukodo so magical. The yam is cooked in the pepper soup so it gets to soak up all of those divine pepper soup spices. Obviously, if you don’t like pepper soup you wouldn’t like Ukodo. But who doesn’t like pepper soup?
