ram | Zikoko!

Dogs, cats, and rabbits aren’t the only pets you can have. In your quest to think outside the box, you should consider having a ram as a pet. And if you do, here’s what to expect with your new pet ram.

1. Rams are low maintenance

Pets are meant to be cheaper than having a child, and that’s why a ram is the best option for you. You don’t need to spend all that money to raise an animal when you can be giving Zikoko instead.

2. Will fight your enemies

Why have a pet that can’t protect you from your enemies? What will your cat do? Meow your enemies to death? A ram can use its horns to perforate anyone who dares to stress your life. By the time people start seeing what your pet can do to your enemies, you’ll have fewer enemies. Unfortunately, the ram will turn on you a few times as well, but that’s a price you have to pay to see your enemies destroyed.

RELATED: 8 Ways To Make Your Enemies Fear You

3. You’ll become a trendsetter

Are you not tired of following trends? Won’t you like to start your own? Once people see that you have a ram as a pet, they’ll definitely want to copy you. T Before you know it, you’re an influencer. They may laugh at you first o, but that how human beings usually resist change at first. As any revolutionary. Soon enough, they’ll follow your lead.

4. LAPO no do reach this one

There’s no poverty alleviation scheme as great as having a ram. They can help you keep your garden free of weeds. They also have wool you can sell, and if Nigeria continues to Nigeria, you kill am chop. Just make sure you give it a befitting burial sha.

5. You can add it to your CV

“Ability to work under pressure, innovate, and start trends” are great qualities you can add to your CV. Owning a pet ram definitely bestows these soft skills on you. Training the ram might suck the youth out of you but think of the jobs you’ll be able to get after the experience.

RELATED: 12 Signs Your Nigerian Employer Will Stress You

6. The best conversation starter

“Do you know I have a ram” will pique anyone’s interest. You’ll never be a boring person to talk to because everyone will want to know about your pet ram. People will be looking for you just so you can talk to them about your ram. Before you know it, you’re giving TED talks with your ram by your side.

7. Fall asleep to bleating noises

Instead of spending all your data on rain noises to block out the noise of generators, your ram provides you with a cheaper alternative. Fall asleep to the blissful sound of your ram bleating or sleeping. They may occasionally spit on you as they sleep, but what’s a little bit of ram spit when there are so many other benefits?

8. Use horns as storage facilities

Instead of using your money to build more wardrobes to accommodate your ever-growing closet, you can use the ram’s horns as a place to put your hangers. Ram horns>>> cupboard.

9. Will protect you from the cold

They’re big and thick and covered in wool, so wetin be blanket? A blanket won’t lick your face or lovingly try to eat your hair. A blanket is terrible company, but a ram is not.

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

March 9, 2022

Inside Life

Animal, Funny, ram
It’s ram season again!

I’m not saying that it’s the highlight of this season o, but you know… Ram is delicious, man.
The festive period is when everybody’s true colours come out, and Eid al-Adha issa real eye-opener.

You Muslims are casted and you don’t even know. Let me tell you how you guys behave when Sallah comes around.
Those of you that only go to mosque on Sallah but will still be prouding.

Last last God is watching us all in 3D.
Then there are those of you that have been only been waiting for this day just so you can show up and show out!

Pepper dem!
For some of you, this season means nothing but frustration.

“What do you mean ram is now 90k? Was it not just two days ago that I came here and you were selling for 65k?!”
Then there are those that this is their only interest.

Because it means you can run home from the mosque and kill your own ram. Food is life tbh.
Some of you catch the festive bug and are fully prepared to turn up!

Y’all are the real MVPs tbh.
And of course, there are those of you that will ghost on guys because of meat.

“Just call me when you dey my street” but two days later, your number is still switched off.
At least there are the people that will still share meat even if they don’t throw a party.

We appreciate you joor, because where else we for see meat? Your groundnut oil won’t finish.
Or is it the ones that think flight tickets are only available during Sallah?

Every Eid you’re “out of town”? Wawu.
Finally, we have those sure Muslim friends that even if they don’t have meat to give you, will still point you in the right direction.

“You smart. You loyal. I appreciate that.”
If you guys don’t want me to finish casting all your secrets, you’d better send some ram meat my way.

A word is enough o!
Eid Mubarak, brothers and sisters! Love and blessings!

Sade

August 21, 2018

General, Gist

Eid, eid al adha, Eid el Kabir, islam, Muslims, Nigeria, ram, Sallah, Sallah meat
You deserve the good things in life like Sallah meat, so we want you to get the most out of it. The thing about enjoying Sallah as a non-Muslim is that you need a strategy and a plan and we are here to help you figure that out.

The first thing you need to do is make a list of all your Muslim friends and wish them happy Sallah.

Don’t forget to ask what time you should come around for your Sallah meat.

When you are done making your calls, make a list of all the sure places you are going to get Sallah meat.

After making a list you now have to map out your waka. If you are getting Sallah meat from two places in Ikeja and one place in VI, you can’t go to Ikeja, then V.I, then come back to Ikeja again.

Set out all your nylons and plastic packs tonight.

You are going to set out early in the morning, so you won’t have time to be looking for nylon.

Go early so you can help the people you are collecting meat from arrange chair and table.

If they notice you, you’ll get extra meat.

Don’t wear anything too tight you have to dress up like you are ready to die on the line.

You want to eat Sallah rice but you are wearing high waisted jeans. You are obviously not ready for life.

Don’t waste time in one place, collect all the meat you can and keep it moving.

The more places you hit, the more meat for you.

Don’t be disrespectful and show up at anyone’s house before they came back from prayers.

Please remember your home training.

Buy flagyl down because you will know you won Sallah when you spend the next day sitting over the toilet seat.

If anything must kill man, let it be enjoyment – Albert Einstein, 2018

Avoid soft drinks through out the day until you are ready to retire for the day.

The only thing you want filling your stomach up is Sallah meat and firewood Jollof.

Don’t venture out alone, assemble a crew of two or three people.

The more the merrier.

If you are stopping by a stranger’s house, then greet them properly don’t just enter the house and start looking for Sallah meat like you don’t have home training.

“Salam Aleikum, Happy Sallah”

If you have any other tips to help us collect plenty Sallah meat, please share don’t let us dull.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

August 20, 2018

Oldies

Meat, ram, Sallah, Ziko guide, Zikoko
On Thursday, we all couldn’t wait for the day to be over, because fasting had come to an end and we were finally going to get that short holiday we deserve.

If you didn’t go home this excited, then I don’t know
There are the ones who slept from the time they got home till the day they resumed work. Almost all of us fall under this category.

Ha! This sleep will be tired of me today
The ones who didn’t get any sleep because they wanted to use enjoyment to kill themselves.

Please I just have to turn up with my guys
The ones who made plans to turn up all week but ended up spending the whole weekend at home.

Because if you stay at home, you don’t spend money.
Let’s not forget the ones who left their house to look for ramadan meat.

But realised this isn’t that season. Tragic.
This is the time we know those who can complete 15 series in one day.

” Me and this movies will die on the line today “
There’s also those people who were on their phone all weekend, watching the people who went to turn up on instagram.

“I should have just gone out oh “
The workaholics who continued to work from home.

Oga you better don’t kill yourself
The ones who just watched nothing but the World Cup every day.

What a sweet match
The ones who were just on their phones doing absolutely nothing.

” where’s my phone? oh it’s in my hand “
Finally, there’s the people who can’t relate to any one of these so far.

Because they didn’t even get a break from work.

Eniola

June 19, 2018

General, Oldies

Fun, Holiday, Meat, Public Holiday, ram, Ramadan
1. This plate’s glo-up is just too much.

2. Meat that will never break up with you.

3. This one is ready to fix your bad day.

4. This meat is even finer than you sef.

5. Who needs a bae when you have this?

6. And all good things come in twos.

7. Just look at this beauty!

Shola

September 12, 2016

Oldies

Funny, Meat, ram, Sallah, Yummy
1. When you remember this Sallah is the one you get to eat meat anyhow.

I can’t keep calm!!!
2. When it’s 2 days to Sallah and they still haven’t bought the ram.

What’s going on in this house?
3. How they finally deliver the ram to your house.

Caution: Handle with care!
4. How you feed the ram so that it can hurry up and grow fat.

Eat it all up sir!
5. When you’re at the Praying Ground but all you can think of is the ram.

I can’t be looking for ram upandan o!
6. How the ram starts looking suspicious when it sees people carrying knives up and down.

‘What are these people doing?’
7. When the ram vexes and decides to prove stubborn.

Oga will you calm down and let’s get this over with?
8. How the whole house comes out to kill the ram.

The more, the merrier!
9. When your mom is being extra slow about preparing the meat.

I am not understanding.
10. When people suddenly start calling you out of the blue, just ‘to greet you’.

So you have my number?
11. How you hide when it’s time to cook the plenty meat.

Please I’m not here for stress o!
12. How you attack the meat when it’s finally ready.

Finally!

Shola

September 11, 2016

Oldies

Eid el Kabir, ram, Sallah, Sallah meat
chioma

September 24, 2015

Inside Life

Eid, ram, Ramadan

1. Rams are low maintenance

2. Will fight your enemies

3. You’ll become a trendsetter

4. LAPO no do reach this one

5. You can add it to your CV

6. The best conversation starter

7. Fall asleep to bleating noises

8. Use horns as storage facilities

9. Will protect you from the cold

It’s ram season again!

The festive period is when everybody’s true colours come out, and Eid al-Adha issa real eye-opener.

Those of you that only go to mosque on Sallah but will still be prouding.

Then there are those of you that have been only been waiting for this day just so you can show up and show out!

For some of you, this season means nothing but frustration.

Then there are those that this is their only interest.

Some of you catch the festive bug and are fully prepared to turn up!

And of course, there are those of you that will ghost on guys because of meat.

At least there are the people that will still share meat even if they don’t throw a party.

Or is it the ones that think flight tickets are only available during Sallah?

Finally, we have those sure Muslim friends that even if they don’t have meat to give you, will still point you in the right direction.

If you guys don’t want me to finish casting all your secrets, you’d better send some ram meat my way.

Eid Mubarak, brothers and sisters! Love and blessings!

The first thing you need to do is make a list of all your Muslim friends and wish them happy Sallah.

When you are done making your calls, make a list of all the sure places you are going to get Sallah meat.

Set out all your nylons and plastic packs tonight.

Go early so you can help the people you are collecting meat from arrange chair and table.

Don’t wear anything too tight you have to dress up like you are ready to die on the line.

Don’t waste time in one place, collect all the meat you can and keep it moving.

Don’t be disrespectful and show up at anyone’s house before they came back from prayers.

Buy flagyl down because you will know you won Sallah when you spend the next day sitting over the toilet seat.

Avoid soft drinks through out the day until you are ready to retire for the day.

Don’t venture out alone, assemble a crew of two or three people.

If you are stopping by a stranger’s house, then greet them properly don’t just enter the house and start looking for Sallah meat like you don’t have home training.

If you have any other tips to help us collect plenty Sallah meat, please share don’t let us dull.

On Thursday, we all couldn’t wait for the day to be over, because fasting had come to an end and we were finally going to get that short holiday we deserve.

There are the ones who slept from the time they got home till the day they resumed work. Almost all of us fall under this category.

The ones who didn’t get any sleep because they wanted to use enjoyment to kill themselves.

The ones who made plans to turn up all week but ended up spending the whole weekend at home.

Let’s not forget the ones who left their house to look for ramadan meat.

This is the time we know those who can complete 15 series in one day.

There’s also those people who were on their phone all weekend, watching the people who went to turn up on instagram.

The workaholics who continued to work from home.

The ones who just watched nothing but the World Cup every day.

The ones who were just on their phones doing absolutely nothing.

Finally, there’s the people who can’t relate to any one of these so far.

1. This plate’s glo-up is just too much.

2. Meat that will never break up with you.

3. This one is ready to fix your bad day.

4. This meat is even finer than you sef.

5. Who needs a bae when you have this?

6. And all good things come in twos.

7. Just look at this beauty!

1. When you remember this Sallah is the one you get to eat meat anyhow.

2. When it’s 2 days to Sallah and they still haven’t bought the ram.

3. How they finally deliver the ram to your house.

4. How you feed the ram so that it can hurry up and grow fat.

5. When you’re at the Praying Ground but all you can think of is the ram.

6. How the ram starts looking suspicious when it sees people carrying knives up and down.

7. When the ram vexes and decides to prove stubborn.

8. How the whole house comes out to kill the ram.

9. When your mom is being extra slow about preparing the meat.

10. When people suddenly start calling you out of the blue, just ‘to greet you’.

11. How you hide when it’s time to cook the plenty meat.

12. How you attack the meat when it’s finally ready.