Raise | Zikoko!

Times are hard and things are expensive. That’s why you should ask your boss for a raise. If they then refuse to give you, here are swift actions to take:

1) Steal their printers

Man must chop one way or the other. If your coworkers need to print anything, they should use the closest cyber cafe to them. Let them do their part in supporting black businesses.

2) Carry their AirConditioner

As they’ve decided to stop your soft life, you should stop their own. Only offices that increase salary should have AC.

3) Steal their generator

Since they don’t want you to be able to afford fuel, they too shouldn’t have light. You can decide to use the generator for yourself or you can even sell it.

RELATED: Fuel Scarcity + National Grid Collapses–How Are Nigerians Coping

4) Log everyone out of the office account

While they’re trying to get everyone back online, nobody is working. That way, the hours you work will be balanced out by what they’ve decided to keep paying you.

5) Use your CEO’s signature to take out a loan

That money, you will collect it one way or the other. The loan is a long journey, but you’ve sha gotten your money.

6) Sell the office building

Since we’ve all decided to work remotely, your office won’t need their building anymore. Sell the building and add the money to your salary.

RELATED: 7 People You’d Meet in Every Nigerian Office

7) Buy the company

Don’t they know that you were just asking for the salary increase to test them? You don’t need their salary increase. Now you have to buy the company to prove that you’re better than them. Maybe after you buy it, you can give yourself the salary increase.

8) Reduce the CEO’s salary

Since they want you to continue living on peanuts, then you should bring them down to that level as well. Let them see how their own soup tastes.

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

March 20, 2022

Inside Life

Funny, listicle, Nigerian, Office, Raise, salary
Memes are a very effective way to communicate how you feel without using words. There’s no one you’ll send you’ll send a meme to who won’t understand what you are saying, except, of course, they are a millennial or baby boomer.

Here are a couple of memes to send to your boss when you need a raise.

1. The “why are you doing this to me” meme.

If your boss sees this meme and doesn’t know you are starving; that boss is wicked. This meme is a cry for your help, but your desperation isn’t jumping out nonetheless. You are begging for that raise, but you aren’t desperate.

2. The “laughs maliciously” meme.

Send this meme when they make jokes on Slack or any of the group chats you are both in. Let your boss know you are malicious of their salary and how rich they are and you want the same for yourself.

3. The “your money is safe with me” meme.

Only send this meme when you are putting minimal effort into your job, but you want plenty of money regardless of the quality of your work. Encourage your employer to take a chance with you.

4. The “I’ve taken this matter to Babalawo” meme.

This will let them know it’s above you now and whatever happens to them is none of your business. You have done your bit, it’s time for them to do theirs.

If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

5. The “I’ve taken matters into my hands and I command you to give me a raise” meme.

Send this to your boss first thing in the morning, make sure it’s the first thing they wake up to. If they don’t have you on their mind all through the day, come to our office to fight with us.

6. The “My God is going to deal with you” meme.

This meme has to be sent with a little message, something like “me, praying about a raise” so your employer won’t just open the meme and laugh. Let them know you’ve taken their matter to God.

7. This meme is self-explanatory.

Send them this meme every day for a week and you’ll be sure to get a raise. You are clearly begging your boss because your life depends on it.

8. The “I’m not one to be messed with” memes.

Let that employer know you are the one to be played with and you’ve said what you said about wanting a raise. Of course, they’ll tremble when they see this meme and give you a raise before the day is over.

Ibukun

November 24, 2021

Inside Life

Employee, Employers, Jokes, Raise, salary
Will you get your next raise from a promotion or out of pure luck?

Let’s find out:

Tuntamilore

May 10, 2021

Quizzes

money, Quiz, Raise, work
Remember when we talked about the things you should do when you get a raise? Well, we’re back to tell you the things you SHOULD NOT do when you get a raise.

Don’t buy 5k suya

I know the raise feels like a lot of money but that doesn’t mean you should splurge the difference on suya. Really tempting though.

Don’t be like this guy:

In urgent need of ₦5000 Suya.

— Fu'ad ❤️‍🔥 🧠🥊 (@FuadXIV) January 30, 2020

Don’t buy Benz

Okay, you need to slow down. That the money feels good in your account does not mean you should start buying everything you’ve always wanted.

Don’t tell people

If you’re Nigerian, I don’t need to tell you this. It’s when you tell people about your raise that they remember that their rent is due.

Don’t go to Quilox

Seriously, why are you so terrible with financial decisions?

Don’t post pictures like this on the Gram

or this:

You’re just asking to get robbed.

Read this: 5 Things You Can Do When You Enter A Bus Without Money

Olufemi Fadahunsi

September 2, 2020

Money

personal finance, Raise, salary
Many young Nigerians don’t know how to talk about money or bring up conversations about finance. There are varying reasons for this trend that are too numerous to go into. Because we like you, we created a list of ways to know when it’s time to ask for a salary increase.

1) Fatigue:

If one day you suddenly realize that you haven’t been promoted at work yet you do the job of ten and a half people and you also spend more time (including weekends) in the office than the house you rented. This is a sign that it is time for your salary to match your stress levels. Make sure you only do this if you have been visibly performing and contributing to your company. Also, do proper research on salary range across the industry before asking for a raise to prevent “I thy know.”

2) A crippling absence of enjoyment:

When was the last time you traveled? Me too, I can’t remember. Well, this is about you and not me. So, if you realize that the job depends on you so much that you barely have extended free periods for yourself. You can’t worship God, can’t even slightly fornicate. Then you are in a prime position to negotiate an increase in wages.

3) If your boss buys a new car:

See, don’t ask us how we know. There’s money available. Quickly collect your share before the money finishes.

4) If you have another job offer:

If you have an alternative job offer but for some reason, you prefer your current company. You can just bring it up casually in a conversation if you are to shy to call a meeting: ‘There is serious traffic these days, speaking of traffic, that’s how XYZ company gave me a green light the other day. They offered me the XYZ amount to join them. Can you imagine?”

5) The company has recently “gbe bodied” and you are their Zlatan:

This is the best time to ask for an increase. If the company performed well in the last year and you contributed greatly to the success, you have the leverage to negotiate for a rise in your earnings. This is priceless if you created a process or product that saves the company time and a lot of money.

6) Expertise:

If you are the only person that is really and truthfully and honestly proficient in excel at your office, you can consider bringing up the conversation about money increase. Once you have an invaluable skill, your value automatically goes up. This is because it would cost more for the company to train someone new to do your job. Also, the person may not stick around as long as you have. However, make your research well before bringing it up. This is because asking for too much can make it backfire.

7) Your salary hasn’t increased 14 years after joining the company:

If you have been adding relevant certifications, consistently been doing good work and there is no noticeable increase in salary since joining the company. You should quantify all these and present your case to your boss so there can be a review.

8) You want to go to Canada:

Once I start my own company, anyone that tells me they want to relocate automatically gets a raise. Until then, God will fight our battles.

“O Canada”

“our home and native land”

Beyond the jokes, I hope you found some parts useful. If you did, let us know in the comments!

Hassan Yahaya

January 23, 2020

Money

Boss, money, Nigeria, Raise, salary, work