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Any young Nigerian who still lives with their parents must know that their definition of “We miss you” is really they miss the free unpaid labour and they miss stressing you.
It took several “Na me fuck up” moments for Gbemisola* to figure out her family’s game, but when she finally did, it was over for them. She opens up on how she avoids domestic labour by going anywhere but home during short breaks.
As Told To Adeyinka
As the third of five children (two boys and three girls), I never understood why my older siblings never came home during short breaks. I’ll hear my parents say the FG has declared a public holiday for Easter, Sallah etc., and a part of me would get excited about reuniting with my siblings. But they never showed up. I didn’t understand why until I also got into uni.
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I school in Osun state, and it’s not exactly an exciting place to be, especially when school isn’t in session. At first, I was always eager to return home. I was one of those students who’d make sure I travelled back to Lagos even if it was just a one-day public holiday. I just wanted to be at home and enjoy good food, light and all the comfort that came with being at home. I didn’t mind the extra chores as long as I was sha at home.
But during one of those breaks, I started to notice a pattern.
My younger brother and sister relaxed whenever I was around. They just stopped doing things around the house. They’ll stay in their rooms, visit friends and return late… basically make themselves scarce. If my parents needed something, I’d always end up attending to them since I was there. My mum also did less cooking when I was around. She’ll say, “(Gbemisola* mo ti miss spaghetti bolognese ati sandwich to ma nse yen”. (I’ve missed your spaghetti bolognese and sandwich recipes).
As someone who’s been described by my friends as a nurturer, I didn’t feel any way about all these. But anytime I went back to school, it never felt like I just got back from home. No memories of enjoyment, just flashes of what I cooked, errands I ran, and I was always tired AF.
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My friends would share how they went to the cinemas, all the fun things they got up to, and I’ll just have stories of what I cooked at home. It was during one of these trips that I had an epiphany and realised why my older siblings never came home for short breaks. They were running from my parents’ stress.
Omo, nobody told me to wise up.
In 2023, I think the only short break that took me home was Sallah and that was because I had a mission to steal meat. Even then, I only got to Lagos on the morning of Eid. My mum blew up my phone with calls the entire time, but I lied that I had stuff to do in school.
This year, I’ve not gone home since I got back from the Christmas/New Year break. When the FG declared Thursday a three-day public holiday, my mum was the first to break the news. “Gbemisola*, it’s three days, won’t you come home?” I told her we had a test on Friday and I needed to study.
It’s not like I enjoy staying in school during these breaks, but I’d rather be in my hostel watching films and reading novels than go home to do hard labour.
It’s about a week to Easter, and while 9-5ers everywhere are whispering a collective thank you to the god of public holidays, I’m wondering, “Why do we have to wait four months for a public holiday?”
Well, I’m here to preach the gospel of monthly public holidays to boost productivity, and these seven reasons will convince you too.
We see too much shege
Nigerians living in Nigeria are exposed to a unique brand of shege every month. If it’s not electricity issues, it’s using more money to buy your own money, or chopping disgrace at the hands of Nigerian banks. The point is, we don’t just go through a lot, we’re always in a lot. How can we get any work done when our heads are always hot?
We’ll need more money
More public holidays equal more time and money spent on fun, outside activities. We’ll go broke faster and need to work even more to get more money to spend again. Vicious cycle, but at least, it works for capitalism.
Less time spent dreaming of public holidays
Listen, every 9-5er dreams about the next public holiday, at least once every week, and that translates to precious man hours wasted. If we knew the next holiday was coming soon, we wouldn’t dream about it too much.
Weekends are a joke
How does working for five days and “resting” for two make sense to anyone? It’s giving slavery, and our ancestors already went through that. Plus, no one actually gets to rest fully on the weekends. If you want us to work, allow us to recharge properly.
We’d tell fewer lies
Not that I have any experience in this, but some people take “sick” leave just to stay away from work for a bit. If we had more holidays, we’d spend less time looking for creative lies to tell just to rest.
We might actually look forward to working
Who knows, maybe knowing a holiday is just around the corner is the push some of us need to do more than open two emails every day.
Even generators need servicing
You wouldn’t leave your generator on for three months without stopping to service it, would you? Then, why do it to human beings? Is it a crime to be an adult in this country?
After years of spending our miserable Mondays in the office or school, we should be on the verge of changing that. We’ve compiled nine reasons that are sure to convince the government why every Monday should become a public holiday.
Two-day weekend is too short
Out of seven days in a week, we use five to work and two to rest, that’s wrong. Everything in life needs balance and making Mondays public holidays means we’re getting closer to balance and equality.
Nobody likes going to work on Mondays
Nigeria practices a democracy. The whole point of a democracy is a government for the people and the people are saying they don’t like going to work on Mondays.
The government introduced us to a lifestyle now they have to maintain it
We’ve tasted what it’s like to go two weeks without resuming work on Monday and now we want more. It’s the way the world works.
We’re tired of working
The truth of the matter is everyone is tired of working. We just want an extra day to rest.
If we don’t go to work on Monday, we’d have time to go out and spend money on other things. The naira would stay in circulation and our economy would benefit greatly from it.
We don’t have light, at least, give us holiday
Light? Security? Even safety from floods, the government hasn’t given to us. They should at least give us public holidays, so we can forget about the problems we’re experiencing.
Even Monday wants to rest
Monday is tired of being the most hated day of the week. Everyone is constantly nagging about how much they hate Mondays. Give the day a rest. Let it know what it’s like to be loved and appreciated.
We’re too big to be doing what every other country is doing. If they do five working days, we should do four. If they do four, we should do three. It’s how bad bitches operate.
Please
The government should just do it for the sake of doing it. We don’t even have any reason again, at this point we’re just begging.
According to the Zikoko Bureau of Statistics, we have an average of 15 public holidays in a year. However, we’re not satisfied with that number that’s clearly too small. Here are some suggestions we have for notable days that can become public holidays.
The day Jollof rice was invented
Jollof rice is a very integral part of our culture and tradition as Nigerians. It’s important we dedicate a day to simply enjoying and appreciating the greatness that is Nigerian Jollof.
Days that start with “T”
T sounds like tea. Tea means gossip. Every day that starts with T should be declared the National Day for Information Spread. People might call it amebo, but that’s their business. We need to stay informed as a people.
Independence days shouldn’t be the only thing celebrated. The day Nigeria was created should also be a public holiday. For so long Nigeria hasn’t had a birthday party. We think that should change.
The day India played Nigeria 99-1
Everyone has heard the legend of how India scored 99 goals against Nigeria in the World Cup, and the Nigerian team did all they could to score the all-important one goal. The story embodies Nigerians tenacity and positive mentality in the face of adversity, and we think it should be further immortalised by public holiday.
As a Nigerian, you’ve suffered enough. Everyday should be a public holiday. No need for excuses. Let’s just rest.
President’s birthday
Depending on how well or how terribly they’ve done, we could either spend the public holiday throwing them a parade or throwing tomatoes at them. Either way, we’d be bonding as a country.
Public holidays in other African countries
How else will we boost African unity if we don’t celebrate one another’s public holidays?
I don’t know if you’ve heard — probably because you’re still in the euphoria of the holiday weekend that just passed — but the next public holiday is in October, which means we’re back to the regular made-in-China weekends.
Here’s how you can make these short weekends longer:
Start your Saturday at 4 a.m.
This is what we call “beating the system”. Your day technically becomes longer, and you end up having a long weekend.
Announce a public holiday
Public holidays are all man-made, so what’s stopping you from announcing yours? Call it something like World Weekend Day, and get as many people as you can to jump on it. Simple.
Stay in denial
Again, no one laid it in stone that the weekend rest ends on Sunday. Just stay in denial and extend your weekend till the next Thursday. What’ll happen?
Call in sick on Monday
Don’t let your job stop you from enjoying a long weekend. Just call in sick on Monday and tell your boss you aren’t up to it. Problem solved.
In the immortal words of Beyoncé, quit your 9-5 and enjoy a lifetime of weekends. Don’t stay shackled to the chains of capitalism.
Become an entrepreneur
Think about it. You can decide to take the whole Monday off, and no one will query you. Possible side effects include forfeiting your weekends entirely and never having time for yourself.
Encourage your co-workers to go on strike
In the event that you still need your job, another fool-proof method is to go on strike. People are just waiting for reasons to be angry, so fan the flames by mentioning that only your CEO has a Macbook or the tissue paper is just 1ply, then watch your co-workers do the Lord’s work.
Throw away your calendars and clocks
Delete the apps from your phone as well. So, technically, you didn’t miss work because you wanted to, but because you didn’t know.
When you’re a Nigerian who lives in Nigeria, you know the importance of having a few days off. Some people argue that Nigerians get too many public holidays but we’re calling bullshit. Nigerians don’t have enough time to do things that are going to make us better citizens and we need more public holidays to free up space for us to be the best citizens.
1. The government is kuku not working, so why should the people?
A travel blogger doubles as our president but wants us to work all through the year. O wrong nau. Our president doesn’t work when he’s not travelling so why should we work? Let all of us be like him and take time to rest.
2. It gives us ample time to process our relocation plans
If the government gave us more public holidays, we’d have enough time to process our relocation plans. That way, we’d leave only a few people for the government to govern. Because maybe it’s the population that’s overwhelming our government.
3. Our president has already called Nigerian youths lazy and we want to prove him right
Bubu already called us lazy and still wants us to work almost every day of the year. Ahn ahn; you too see! He needs to give us more days off to prove him right.
4. We too want to become travel bloggers like our president and his staff
He seems to be having a good time with that job and we want to experience that joy too.
5. Children’s Day needs to be a national holiday for everyone
In case the government is confused about what days to give us, they can give us children’s day, we’re someone’s child too. We didn’t come to this world by ourselves and need a day to rest.
6. If Nigerians are well-rested, we won’t be constituting a nuisance everywhere
Nigerians have a bad reputation of constituting a nuisance wherever we go and it’s not our fault. We’re restless because our government doesn’t give us enough time to rest. More public holidays may help solve this problem.
7. More public holidays means more time for farm work
Agriculture is a big deal in Nigeria and we the people want to be able to provide our quota to the growth of the agricultural sector. If we get ten public holidays a month, Nigeria will become a world leader in agriculture.
8. We need time off to start our akara startup
We’ve been told that selling akara is the easiest way to become a billionaire in Nigeria and we all want to be rich. More public holidays will give us enough time to start working on our akara startup and become millionaires. Sounds good for us and the Nigerian economy.
On Thursday, we all couldn’t wait for the day to be over, because fasting had come to an end and we were finally going to get that short holiday we deserve.
If you didn’t go home this excited, then I don’t know
There are the ones who slept from the time they got home till the day they resumed work. Almost all of us fall under this category.
Ha! This sleep will be tired of me today
The ones who didn’t get any sleep because they wanted to use enjoyment to kill themselves.
Please I just have to turn up with my guys
The ones who made plans to turn up all week but ended up spending the whole weekend at home.
Because if you stay at home, you don’t spend money.
Let’s not forget the ones who left their house to look for ramadan meat.
But realised this isn’t that season. Tragic.
This is the time we know those who can complete 15 series in one day.
” Me and this movies will die on the line today “
There’s also those people who were on their phone all weekend, watching the people who went to turn up on instagram.
“I should have just gone out oh “
The workaholics who continued to work from home.
Oga you better don’t kill yourself
The ones who just watched nothing but the World Cup every day.
What a sweet match
The ones who were just on their phones doing absolutely nothing.
” where’s my phone? oh it’s in my hand “
Finally, there’s the people who can’t relate to any one of these so far.
