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On Wednesday, March 27, 2024, an incident between KFC represented by the manager at their outlet in the Murtala Mohammed Airport and the son of the former Ogun state governor, Adebola Daniels, broke into the limelight. The Federal Airports Authority of Nigeria (FAAN) acted swiftly and shut down the branch barely a day later on Thursday, March 28, 2024. The incident has sparked public reaction and criticism. Here’s everything we know about the situation.
What went down between KFC and Debola Daniels?
The issue between Debola Daniels and KFC stemmed from an incident where KFC denied access to Adebola Daniel, the son of former Ogun State Governor Gbenga Daniel, who uses a wheelchair. Adebola Daniel shared his experience of being asked to leave the KFC premises at the Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos because of KFC’s “No wheelchairs allowed,” policy. He described this experience as humiliating and discriminative towards people with disabilities.
In his open message to KFC, Debola asks if he is not human enough to eat at the restaurant.
Debola Daniel via X
What reaction did this get?
This incident prompted a reaction from the Minister of Aviation, Festus Keyamo, who announced the shutdown of the KFC outlet following an investigation that confirmed the allegations of discrimination against Adebola Daniel by the Director of Public Affairs and Consumer Protection at FAAN. The only penalty on the list was a public apology.
Some individuals took to Twitter to disagree with this penalty, stating that an apology would not cut it as KFC violated the law through their actions.
What does KFC have to say about this?
Taking to their Twitter account, KFC released a statement about the incident reinforcing the management’s stand against bias and discrimination and assuring the public that they are training their staff to be more inclusive and servicing to guests regardless of their status and ability.
While Nigerians await KFC’s public apology as directed by FAAN, you can join the conversation on our WhatsApp channel here.
There is a new social media platform that might be giving Elon Musk a run for his money and having him choke on whatever irks his throat. Ever since Twitter had Mr. Musk as its new landlord, things haven’t quite been the same. And on Wednesday, July 5, Meta launched a messaging app called “Threads” that looks like the start of a new era for many social media users.
What exactly is Threads, and how is it different?
Threads is a text-based social messaging app launched in over 100 countries that allows you to follow the same accounts you do on Instagram. You can post pictures or texts and like, comment, repost, and quote them. While it’s yet to have a trend table or options for sending private messages, unlike the Bird app, Threads is free, and you can put the worries of exceeding a daily limit behind you.
For many people, especially Nigerians who have a larger following on Instagram than Twitter, this new app is an opportunity to create a new social media personality. After all, it’s never too late to achieve your dreams of becoming an influencer. And it also looks like Nigerian lawmakers have the same idea as many of them have become “Tailors”, as many Nigerians call themselves on Threads. Hours after its launch, they’ve begun sewing content for many Nigerians.
Since the days of his campaign, no love has been lost between Tinubu and the Bird app, so Threads might finally give him a chance to breathe.
Babajide Sanwo-Olu
If there’s one thing the Lagos state governor does well, it’s preaching the gospel of his good news and putting his legs in strategic corners, and a new app isn’t going to stop him.
Abba Kabir Yusuf
Kano state governor, Abba Kabir Yusuf, also didn’t carry last here. He’s already spreading his message of good tidings.
So far, eight other governors have joined the Threads app; they include Prince Dapo Abiodun, Ogun state governor; Umo Eno, Akwa Ibom state governor; Bala Mohammed, Bauch state governor; Peter Mbah, Enugu state governor; Biodun Oyebanji, Ekiti state governor; Uba Sani, Kaduna state governor; Yahaya Bello, Kogi state governor; and Seyi Makinde, Oyo state governor.
Other key lawmakers and political figures on the app are Vice-President Kashim Shettima, Atiku Abubakar, Senator Orji Uzor Kalu, former Vice-President Prof. Yemi Osinbajo, and the Police Public Relations Officer, Lagos State Command, SP Benjamin Hundeyin.
Also joining the Threads are some key government agencies, such as the Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS), to remind you that you can’t escape tax in this administration, and the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA), with their message of catching drug abusers and traffickers.
As expected, you’ll also find many media houses like the National Television Authority (NTA), Silverbird TV, Arise News, Channels Television, and the TVC on the new tailoring app.
And, of course, ZikokoCitizen is on Threads to ensure you’re always up to date with everything and anything Nigerian in politics, policies, and governance.
Have you ever wondered which disciple Davido or Babajide Sanwo-Olu would be if they were in the New Testament with Jesus? Whether you’ve had this thought or not, this article is here to help you visualise this alternate universe.
You’re welcome.
Burna Boy is Peter
Source: Youtube
Our one and only African giant who disappears when Nigeria actually needs him, Burna Boy has a lot in common with Simon Peter. Burna Boy also gives off the “I want to walk on water like my boss” energy. Tell me you see it too.
Mahmood Yakubu is Judas Iscariot
Source: The Sun
We’re not saying INEC Chairman, Mahmood Yakubu, sold Nigeria for 30 pieces of silver. But there’s something fishy about him resorting to manual result reporting after promising us electronic transmission with BVAs, ignoring cases of voter manipulation and suppression then announcing the winners at 2 a.m. that feels suspicious AF. Do with that information what you will.
Matthew used to be a tax collector called Levi before he found Christ and said goodbye to the world of capitalism. Sounds a little bit like Vice President Yemi Osinbajo, who kept quiet during #EndSARS but tried to rebrand as a BFF to the youths when it was time for the presidential elections. But unlike Matthew, his rebrand flopped harder than BVAs on election day.
Pheelz is Andrew
Source: YouTube
According to the book of John, Andrew, Peter’s older brother, was a disciple of John the Baptist before he started following Jesus. His ability to port with such finesse reminds me of Pheelz’s transition from producing to singing. It’s giving talent, and I’m here for it.
Let’s be real, Mary Magdalene would’ve been a disciple if not for the patriarchy of those days. Before anyone comes for me, remember that this was the same era when people were willing to stone a woman who committed adultery, but nobody mentioned the man she slept with.
Tiwa Savage is just as talented as Nigeria’s big three, but people often forget to give our African Bad Gyal her flowers.
Omoyele Sowore is Thaddeus
Source: Business Day
Raise your hands if you remember Thaddeus from the bible. No one? Okay. Now, raise your hands if you think about Omoyele Sowore outside of election season? Glad we’re all on the same page. Thanks for coming to my TEDx Talk.
Thaddeus Atta is Mathias
Source: NewsNGR
Mathias was a last-minute addition to the disciples after Jesus died and Judas bounced. He wasn’t mentioned before he became a disciple, yet he somehow managed to score a spot on the hottest line-up in the Bible. This gist lowkey reminds me of how Thaddeus Atta of the Labour Party came out of nowhere to beat two popular candidates — Banky W of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) and nepo-baby, Babjide Obanikoro (APC) — to get the Eti-Osa seat in the National Assembly during the 2023 general elections.
Babajide Sanwo-Olu is Doubting Thomas
Source: Punch
Thomas, AKA Mr Show Me The Receipts, was the disciple who asked Jesus to prove he had resurrected even though he was talking to him face to face. This is the same way Lagos State Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu has refused to acknowledge the 2020 Lekki Massacre even though the Nigerian Army has said he was the one who invited them. Hmmm.
On February 16, 2023, Nigerians were all over the place regarding a claim made by the House of Representatives Majority Leader of the All Progressives Congress (APC), Alhassan Doguwa.
Doguwa, speaking after a meeting with President Muhammadu Buhari, addressed the issue of the scarcity of the new naira notes.
[Alhassan Doguwa, to President Muhammadu Buhari’s right. Channels TV]
He said, “A member of the House of Representatives is expected by law to have not more than ₦70 million to conduct his elections and whatever logistics and other things. ₦70 million cash, by law.”
On the Wait First flagship, we rate claims into three categories. We rate a valid claim as fresh banana. We rate a false claim as burnt dodo. A misleading claim is cold zobo.
What’s the status of this claim?
To answer that, let’s look at the Electoral Act 2022, which guides the conduct of elections in Nigeria.
The relevant section that pertains to campaign financing is Section 88, titled “Limitation on election expenses.” See the screenshot below:
The part that concerns us is subsection 4. “The maximum amount of election expenses to be incurred by a candidate in respect of Senatorial and House of Representatives seat shall not exceed ₦100,000,000 and ₦70,000,000 respectively.”
However, there’s nowhere in the Act that says a candidate must have “hard copy” cash to do this.
Verdict: The law provides a ₦70 million limit for campaign expenses related to House of Representatives positions, that is, from the commencement till the end of campaigns. However, Doguwa’s claim that it must be in cash is misleading. You’ll not find colder zobo anywhere else.
Did the Finnish government issue a letter to Simon Ekpa regarding the Nigerian elections?
A viral letter made the rounds recently on social media. It claimed to have come from the Finnish government. The letter targeted Simon Ekpa, a Nigerian secessionist based in Finland. Ekpa has links to the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB). It said the Finnish government would charge him with terrorism if he didn’t cease a sit-at-home order in the South East on election day.
The fact checkers at the Centre for Democracy and Development (CDD West Africa) looked into the letter. Here’s what they found:
“CDD War Room contacted the Finnish Embassy in Nigeria, and we were informed that the letter is not an official correspondence of the Finnish government.
“An official spokesperson of the Finnish government in Nigeria said the embassy has contacted Twitter to remove the letter from the micro-blogging platform.”
Verdict: Do you still need us to spell it out? Na burnt dodo. We hope you didn’t fall for it.
Every four years, Nigeria’s enters another election season when politicians visit places they’ll never set foot in again to whisper sweet nothings into voters’ ears.
For the 2023 elections, nothing has changed. Politicians are again making promises they’ll probably forget or find difficult to fulfil if they get what they want.
Let’s take a look at some of them so far.
Fuel will become ₦100 per litre
On January 25, 2023, during a live appearance on Channels Television, Dan Nwanyanwu, presidential candidate of the Zenith Labour Party, promised to revitalise our refineries in 3-4 months.
Source: blueprint.ng
Also, he would build modern refineries in all six geo-political zones. Thus, by the end of his first six months, fuel would be sold for ₦100 per litre, saving us from the problem of independent marketers.
Everyone wants a leader who’d lead them fearlessly into battle. Hamza Al-Mustapha, presidential candidate of the Action Alliance (AA), plans to be just that.
Source: Vanguard
During an interview with the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) Hausa, he said that if elected president, he’d end our insecurity and terrorism crisis within six months. But that’s not all; he plans to spend his weekends and holidays in the Sambisa forest, where notorious extremist groups like ISWAP and Boko Haram are often camped.
Creation of 30 million jobs
One of the things Adebayo Adewale, presidential candidate of the Social Democratic Party (SDP) has on his agenda is the creation of 30 million jobs.
Source: Vanguard
He plans to achieve this using cryptocurrency. It sounds promising, but Nigerians have seen this film before, and we didn’t like the ending.
In 2015, President Buhari promised to create 3 million jobs annually, but gave us a 33% unemployment rate instead.
No more generators or foreign education
Presidential candidate of the African Democratic Congress (ADC), Dumebi Kachikwu, has castles in the air, too.
Source: Leadership.ng
While explaining his manifesto, he said if elected, he’d draft a Nigerian Patriot Bill that’d ban public officers from giving their children foreign education.
He also plans to restrict their access to private and foreign hospitals, generators and boreholes for as long as the ordinary people can’t afford these amenities.
In theory, most of these campaign promises sound like good plans and a step towards making our lives easier. However, why do we hear nothing from these politicians after elections, and their campaign promises end up looking like lies?
No punishment for failed promises
Sadly, there is no provision in the law that holds politicians accountable for their campaign promises. As such, fulfilling it or not is entirely up to their hardly reliable goodwill.
Lack of funding
While some elected officials have plans to fulfil what was promised, they soon realise Nigeria –and by extension, states– are only rich on paper. For instance, a report last year showed that Abia state hadn’t paid some of its workers for 22 months. In such situations, the elected government would have to solve the existing problems before fulfilling his campaign promises.
Need for restructuring
Early December 2022, President Buhari, while addressing members of the Senior Executive Course (SEC), accused state governors of being responsible for the poverty level as they were looting local government allocations. According to the president, the local government chairmen would pocket half of what was allocated and thus fail to embark on necessary projects.
An evil we’ve been dealing with for a long time is corruption, and it, unfortunately, begins at the grassroots level. If we’re to experience any real change, the entire system would need to be cleaned and restructured.
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During elections, politicians try every strategy to win people’s hearts. From eating roadside boli to wearing school uniforms, they’d do everything with bright smiles for photo ops.
Lagos state Governor, Babajide Sanwo-Olu showing his hairdressing skills
For the 2023 general elections in Nigeria, the presidential candidate for the All Progressives Congress (APC), Bola Ahmed Tinubu, has decided not to use the all too popular method of pretending to be a commoner. Rather, perhaps to invoke the spirit of June 12, 1993, and tug the hearts of the older generation, he has made symbolic references to the campaign of arguably Nigeria’s most popular politician, M.K.O. Abiola.
Some of the similarities are:
Tinubu’s manifesto is titled “Renewed Hope”, similar to Abiola’s “Hope ’93”.
Like Abiola, Tinubu is also from the South-West and running a same-faith campaign with his running mate, Baba Gana Kingibe.
Similar to Abiola, Tinubu also kick-started his presidential campaign in Jos.
Many people, including Tinubu himself, have taken this opportunity to reiterate that this is a chance to restore Abiola’s mandate. However, this isn’t the ’90s, times are different, and Nigeria has changed in many ways. So while Tinubu may posture himself and his campaign similarly to Abiola’s, here are some reasons why he might not get his desired outcome.
The internet never forgets
In 1993, M.K.O. Abiola had a massive influence on the media, especially as he owned the Concord newspaper, a leading publication in the country that formed public opinion. While Bola Tinubu also owns media bodies like The Nation newspaper and TVC news station, he doesn’t have as much media privilege, as he now has to deal with social media and the ever-present bone in his neck: the gen-zs.
And you can say that it’s a little too late for rebranding as many people already associate him with corruption and godfatherism. Proof of the internet staying winning is in videos of bullion vans entering his residence during an election and of him “charging” his team to snatch power at any cost.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4kgJAsHCok
The Muslim-Muslim ticket
Like we said earlier, this isn’t the ’90s. While the same faith ticket may have worked for Abiola, Nigeria today is deeply divided along religious lines. Many people are uncomfortable with the lack of representation, especially since many churches and Christians have suffered attacks in previous years. Some Christian bodies and leaders have already discouraged their followers from voting for Tinubu, which can be detrimental to his campaign, especially if he has to worry about a “third force ” that has managed to achieve this religious balance.
Nationwide influence
One of the peculiar things about Abiola was his political relevance on a national scale. Due to his philanthropy, he was loved widely. Sadly, we can’t say the same about Tinubu. Although he has established himself as a powerhouse in the southwest, there’s still much distrust from people from other parts of the country. Another thing to remember is that Abiola faced opponents who he could have easily defeated if the elections were repeated twice over. But as it stands, the story is very different for Tinubu as he is facing candidates equally strong in their own rights.
Although we don’t know yet what the outcome of the upcoming general elections will be, it’s clear that when it comes to recreating Abiola’s historic June 12, 1993 win, Tinubu may still have a long way to go.
One game the Nigerian government loves playing is the blame game. And we’ve seen that play out many times with the current Buhari administration, from blaming the state of our country on so-called lazy youths to blaming the weather for fuel scarcity. It’s 2022, and fingers are still being pointed.
Early in December 2022, the Minister of State for Budget and National Planning, Clement Agba, blamed the state governments for the level of poverty in the country. Barely 24 hours later, President Muhammadu Buhari voiced the same accusation, saying the state governors were looting local government funds.
The Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, disclosed that the Buhari administration has supported states with over ₦5 trillion since 2015, but millions of Nigerians are still extremely poor.
We’re approaching the final six months of the Buhari administration with another administration on the way, but the problems plaguing us as a nation have barely changed.
If the government’s allegations are true, how and on what projects were these funds spent? Well, we have a few guesses.
Exotic rides
Nigerian politicians know how to live soft lives on our national cake. Nobody does it better than them. We’ve also seen that they can be very cheerful givers. In April, the governor of Zamfara State, Bello Matawalle, distributed 260 brand new Cadillac 2019 model cars to traditional rulers to thank them for sustaining peace. This was a week after he distributed 15 brand new Hilux cars to leaders of “repentant” bandit groups.
You’d think a governor whose state has one of the highest population of out-of-school children would focus scarce resources on addressing that rather than rewarding criminals. But no, this is Nigeria, and logic doesn’t live here.
Exploring overseas
Our politicians were probably explorers and adventurers in their previous lives because they enjoy being anywhere but home. And if we look more closely, they started the japa trend because they mostly have their families abroad, and their children hardly ever have to pass through the ASUU strike rite of passage. Even our First Lady, Aisha Buhari, decided the country was too stressful and spent six months in Dubai and can you blame her?
Medical tourism
In July 2022, the vice-president, Yemi Osinbajo, received praise for undergoing surgery in Nigeria, and that showed how low the bar is for our politicians. Millions are spent by government officials seeking foreign healthcare. And unfortunately, the ambassador of this sad trend is our president himself, who, despite his promise to end medical tourism, has spent a total of 237 days abroad for health reasons.
As we already know, elections in Nigeria are expensive. The 2023 presidential nomination form for one of the political parties cost ₦100 million. This is one of the reasons why politics today is ruled by godfatherism. This system ensures successful candidates use state resources to repay favours owed once they get into office.
Getting into office as a Nigerian politician is an opportunity to ball with your guys
While Nigerian politicians keep pointing at non-existent excuses for their failures, Nigerians are suffering from neglect. Hopefully, the next administration we elect in 2023 will spend Nigeria’s money on Nigerians..
No one can convince us Nigerian politicians don’t have secret theatre degrees. They’ve mastered the art of putting on great shows, from dancing to leading live bands to even producing tears on cue.
Unfortunately for them, we’ve become used to their theatrics and can now tell when they’re trying to take us for fools.
Still, it’s interesting to laugh at these performances when Nigerian politicians have tried to exploit us with their tears.
Chidi Lloyd
The launch of the new naira notes dominated news headlines on, November 23, 2022, but it wasn’t even the most dramatic thing that happened on that day. During the commissioning of the Akpabu-Omudioga-Egbeda project in Rivers State, yet another politician went, ‘Lights, camera, action”.
A former Rivers State House of Assembly member, Chidi Lloyd, broke down in tears, and apologised for his behaviour towards Nyesom Wike who’s the state’s current governor. For those who don’t remember Lloyd, he stood against Wike’s administration and broke the head of his colleague, Micheal Chinda, with the House mace during a commotion inside the State Assembly complex.
What moved Lloyd to tears was that Wike approved the project in his hometown despite their beef, and that should just make you shake your head for Nigerian politicians. Wike now has Lloyd’s undying devotion, and tears, for doing his job.
Ben Ayade
Governor Ben Ayade of Cross River State has cried in public so many times that some people call him the “Cry Cry Baby Governor”. His first public display of tears was in August 2016, when he saw the living conditions of Bakassi returnees whom he donated ₦3 million.
Ayade cried again on January 17, 2017 and May 21, 2020, when he abolished the taxation of low income earners. Does he know he’s supposed to be the governor and not the town crier?
Saka Audu
Remember this man?
The 2020 lockdown period showed many Nigerians the government’s true colours when officials hoarded COVID-19 palliatives in different warehouses. The people, in return, responded to this wickedness by looting the warehouses.
Saka Audu was the Kogi State Commissioner for Health at the time and he put his theatre degree to great use during a press conference. He repeatedly shed tears and made the government out as the victim of the situation.
Clearly, the only lesson to learn here is a teary-eyed Nigerian politician should never be trusted.
Muhammadu Buhari
Two days before the 2011 presidential election, Buhari organised an event to mark the end of his presidential campaign. In case he’d not done enough to convince voters during the campaign, the former military general put in an Oscar-worthy performance and wept about the state of the country.
He eventually won the presidential elections in 2015 and 2019, so maybe tears work sometimes.
Atiku Abubakar
In 2019, support groups bought Atiku the presidential nomination form of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP). And perhaps to take a leaf from Buhari’s page, Atiku got emotional and cried over the love and support he got.
He went a step further to promise us salvation from our terrible state. The tears didn’t work this time and he lost, so maybe for the 2023 elections, he can try to add wailing to the performance.
It’s not a secret that Nigeria is a telenovela series, with twists, mysteries and turns at almost every point. Unfortunately, these plot twists never bring Nigerians the happy endings we want and at this point we’re tired of our character development arc.
On October 26, 2022, the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) announced its plans to redesign the naira to combat counterfeiting and manage inflation. Nigerians weren’t too pleased by the news and even the Minister of Finance, Zainab Ahmed, didn’t like it. But at least we had hopes that maybe the makeover would be impressive.
Okay, what happened next?
When President Buhari unveiled the new notes on November 23, 2022, let’s just say the designs looked… interesting.
Is it just us or do they look like someone’s tie and dye project?
What did Nigerians say?
Nigerians were more disappointed than outraged, as these new notes looked like someone ran them through Snapchat filters.
During an interview on Channels Television, the presidential candidate of the African Action Congress (AAC), Omoyele Sowore, claimed the CBN spent about ₦218 billion on the new designs.
While we can’t say how accurate Sowore’s figures are, we know producing these new banknotes must be expensive. But could this money have been spent better? Let’s look at some alternatives.
ASUU
There’s a saying amongst federal university students that, “Every generation experiences an ASUU strike.” It’s funny until you wake up one day and realise you’ve been in 100 level for two years. Just this year alone, federal universities were on strike for eight months. If some of the redesign fund was injected into the education sector, we’d have a better system.
Flood victims
Climate change is ruining the environment, and Nigeria is already feeling the brunt of it. This year, we faced one of the worst flooding disasters in our history, with over 600 deaths and 1.3 million people displaced. Unfortunately, the federal government’s response to this has been underwhelming. The victims would have appreciated some of the money the government used to redesign the banknotes.
Fix bad roads
“I’m going to repair bad roads,”has become a mantra for politicians. But once they get into power, they wash their hands off their campaign promises and pick them up four years later for another campaign.
We can’t say we’re shocked at the government’s decisions so far. We can only hope that with the coming 2023 elections, we’ll vote for people who can address the challenges Nigerians really care about.
A musician and politician are similar in many ways. You need to stay relevant, remain popular, and keep dropping hot content for the public. We imagined the kind of music careers some notable Nigerian politicians would have and it’s hilarious.
Bola Tinubu
He’d be Jay Z, dropping evergreen one-liners that no one understands but he’d still have millions of fans anyway. We think he should just quit music altogether but what do we know?
Nyesom Wike
This man is Kanye West with a Nigerian passport. He wastes no time publicly calling out anybody that vexes him, or anyone he just doesn’t like. If you stress him, he’ll call you out and you’ll hate yourself. He always drops bangers though, and no one can do him anyhow.
Atiku Abubakar
He’s had the longest run as an upcoming artist, no contest. We admire his determination but at this point, he should just rest. Try your hand at something else, bro.
Peter Obi
He’s one of those artists that come out of nowhere and make a few hit songs from a little-known label. Then they clench the title of “Next Rated Artist” and make the already-blown artistes shit their pants. He’s the subject of a lot of diss tracks but that’s none of his business.
Muhammadu Buhari
He might as well be a ghost worker in the music industry because nobody sees him or hears anything from him. But when he decides to go on tour? He ignores his fanbase. But his die-hard stans keep making excuses for him.
Dino Melaye
He likes to think he’s an artist when he’s really just a hypeman. He’s the politics version of Toby Shang, no shade intended. He even has all the supercars to make himself look the part but, if it didn’t dey, then it didn’t dey.
Lai Mohammed
His entire discography is full of cap, and it makes you wonder what else he’s hiding. If fake-it-till-you-make-it were to be a person.
Nigerian politicians are not normal, everyone knows. How do you even eat two pieces of roasted corn at the same time, one on each hand. How? Are you showing us how you’ll multitask when elected?
Here’s how to handle street food according to Nigerian politicians:
5. First, Fry Plantain And Potato With The Seller
For the culture. Omo Yoruba ni mi, Swagger.
4. Roast Corn For The Seller, With A Baby In Hand
For the culture. Babies make everything better.
3. Keep Calm and Buy Bole
It’s the Buba, Sokoto and security escort for me.
2. Rebrand Agege Bread
LMFAO. The ghetto, sorry the Agege.
1. Two Corns At A Time
Two corns at a time, maximum satisfaction. Try it sometime this century.
Finding love as an adult in Nigeria is no easy feat, so it comes as no surprise that these absolutely insane posters are the only things that feel adequate enough to capture the struggle.
1. When all your friends are in relationships, but you’re still single to stupor.
2. When you see someone finer than you flirting with your crush.
3. When your crush looks different in pictures than they do in real life.
4. When your friends see you trying to get back with your ex.
5. You, when you haven’t had sex in forever:
6. When you start falling for a Yoruba demon.
7. When your friend breaks up with their glucose guardian and you step in.
8. When your ex sends an “I miss you” text.
9. When that annoying man in church comes up to you like:
10. When your friend bad mouths the person you like and then goes and marries them.
11. When your babe traps your destiny with her cooking.
12. When your side piece is waiting for your main bae to mess up.
13. When you’ve been dating for years and still no ring.
14. You, after finding someone who isn’t completely terrible:
Now the week is over, Friday rocks are drawing nigh! Congratulations on surviving five days of cursing alarm clocks, beating traffic to get to work on time and sneaking out successfully before the close of day.
As it’s the start of the weekend (and salary week), you might be wondering if the week’s accomplishments call for a night of debauchery and raising hands with a bunch of strangers in a much too crowded open-floor plan. To help you make your decision, we called upon certain Nigerian politicians to employ their life philosophies to guide your decision making. Pick your choice.
There’s Rice At Home – Bashir Ahmad
You mean Nigeria is producing all this rice Abbah exaggerated about and you’re still going out to club? What is this life please?
Ajeku iya ni o je – Dino Melaye
Are you still owing Escape from last month, but plotting how you’ll shut down Quilox later tonight? Mr Melaye has a word for you. If you’re wondering what this translates to, it means, “the bottom of suffering is what you’ll get”. Trust me, that’s not a good thing.
I am not one of them – Jimi Agbaje
Do you want to be like everyone spending their Fridays drunk and disorderly? It could never be Jimi.
Live within your means – President Bubucakes
He literally said this one too. Don’t spend your Friday outdoing the next guy, slay in your financial lane.
Lol, or not – Again, President Bubucakes.
Go hard or go home.
Step up in the club in two bullion vans – Bola ‘RicherThanYourNext’ Tinubu
If you’re doing it, do it big. That is all.
Buy Nigerian to grow the naira – Senator Ben Murray Bruce
Now, nobody said you shouldn’t go clubbing, but make sure to do it for Nigeria’s progress. That said, if your bottle of Hennessey has “Made in Nigeria” inscribed at the bottom, we’re going to need you to take ten steps back from it.
We will not take it – Godsday Orubebe.
Godsday Orubebe has a word for you this fine Friday, and we’re inclined to second him. You mean you survived this whole week, battled traffic to get to work on time, met your deadlines and still won’t go out to celebrate? Sorry, but that ain’t right.
And remember, All your sins are forgiven – Adams Oshiomole
You might not be a party defector, but whatever happens on Friday night (with consent) stays in Friday night. Go and sin no more.
Nigerian politicians are corrupt. This statement isn’t news to any Nigerian. But yesterday two video of the governor of Kano, Abdullahi Ganduje surfaced. In the videos, he’s seen collecting bundles of money one at a time from someone we can’t see. Even with the levels of corruption we experience, the videos still managed to surprise us and we have so many questions.
What was the money for?
Was Ganduje helping them change it to naira? Was he collecting it for safe keeping?
Why hasn’t anyone in leadership said anything about it?
It’s not as if we expect them to say anything sensible, but why the silence?
Why was he collecting the bundles one by one? Is that how it’s done now? What happened to ghana bag?
Was he counting the money to see if it’s complete?
Why did he put some bundles in his agabada and put some on the floor? Is that why so many of our politicians like to wear agabada?
Is agabda banking the new one? What happened to cap banking?
We now know why Kano Governor, @GovUmarGanduje, likes very big Agbada and baban riga. It is for ‘banking’ purposes. Farouk Lawan used cap banking, while Ganduje prefers agbada banking. No wonder they fought President Jonathan for introducing the cashless policy #RenosDarts
According to Daily Nigeria, these two videos are the first of 15 which show the governor collecting a bribe. So what’s in the remaining 13?
Watch out for all new episodes of ‘How to get away with dollars’.
For the people saying the video is fake, is it not Governor Ganduje who’s in the video?
Abi it’s someone else we are seeing?
According to his Special Adviser for media, the governor was framed but the video is fake. Which one is it? Is the video fake? Or was he framed?
#FakeNews: Some key facts to look into critically and objectively on the alleged video of Governor Ganduje receiving kickbacks. pic.twitter.com/L2XE1u2ze9
The special adviser also goes on about how the people trying to set his poor governor up couldn’t fake his voice. But isn’t this his voice we hear in the second video?
But the most important question of all, is why is he still in office?
This won’t be the first time we’ll see politicians get away with such blatant acts of corruption. But we are still hoping something is done about this.
Yesterday Aunty Oby declared her bid to run for presidency. Now, this might be the best news we’ve gotten since Burna Boy dropped Ye (our new national anthem).
As expected what is likely to follow after this announcement is a slew of interviews and press runs.
So here’s a public service announcement for all the members of the Nigerian Press. There are a thousand and one questions we should be asking Oby Ezekwesili right now, but they shouldn’t include any of these.
May we meet you?
So what we will call your husband if you win? Is it first husband?
If you become president where will you find the time to be cooking for your husband/will you still be cooking for your husband?
What does your husband think of you running for presidency?
Do you think Nigeria is ready for a female president? Don’t you think you should wait a few years for your turn?
Don’t you think you’d stand a better chance running alongside a man as Vice President?
You can never win, so why are you running?
So if you win how are you going to balance being president with your family life?
If you become president, how do you think it’ll affect your home?
Do you think as a woman you are up to the task of being president?
Did you ask for your husband’s permission before you declared?
What of your pastor? Did you ask for his permission?
As a woman do you think you have what it takes to become the president of Nigeria?
You know you should be asking? About her plans to fix the country’s debt situation, or how she’s going to provide more jobs, or improve national security. Thanks and God bless.
We were doing some research and to our surprise, APC and PDP are not the only registered political parties in Nigeria. According to INEC, there are actually 68 registered political parties! We are pretty sure you’ve never heard of these ones.
All Blending Party (ABP)
From the name, you’ll already know these ones came to play. What does All Blending Party mean?
Abundant Nigeria Renewal Party (ANRP)
Is this a political party logo or the logo for a Yahoo boy’s side hustle?
All Democratic Peoples Movement (ADPM)
I like how they’ve already packed themselves inside bus. They better keep driving until they reach Cotonou, because we don’t want them here.
Citizens Popular Party (CPP)
These ones had the liver to put ‘popular’ in their party’s name. Why tell such lies?
Freedom and Justice Party (FJP)
‘Freedom and Justice’, as if any Nigerian politician knows the meaning of those words.
Green Party of Nigeria (GPN)
I like how there’s a hand telling us ‘your father’ in their logo. At least they are straightforward.
Independent Democrats (ID)
If we put all Nigerian politicians together in a room we are pretty sure none of them can spell ‘Independents’ or ‘Democrats’ but there is a political party called Independent Democrats?
Justice Must Prevail Party (JMPP)
Is there anywhere in this country that justice prevails?
Masses Movement of Nigeria (MMN)
These ones what to use ‘we the people, for the people’ to deceive us. Stay woke, they are all the same.
National Conscience Party (NCP)
I’m pretty sure we all know that if there’s one thing all Nigerian politicians lack, it’s conscience.
New Generation Party of Nigeria (NGP)
Just look at these wicked people that don’t want us to progress as a country. How can they use hand fan as their logo? So they are praying for us to never have light?
National Rescue Movement (NRM)
It took a bit to convince me this is a political party. What’s the bee doing there, please?
Re-build Nigeria Party (RBNP)
Please, there is nothing to rebuild we need to start from scratch. We have to lay foundation again.
Socialist Party of Nigeria (SPN)
So there are people who are socialists in this country?
Young Progressive Party (YPP)
So there is a Young Progressive Party in this country and Buhari is still president. Wawu.
We know that politics is a messy game and politicians can never be trusted. When it comes down to it, they’ll tell you whatever you want to hear that will get you to put your guard down.
And then after they’ll come and be doing you anyhow.
Their campaign speeches and posters are always full of promises. Then when they get into power, they’ll start to change mouth.
Just look at these 12 campaign posters from the 2015 elections and see all the lies that full everywhere.
Bros Ambode promised to “make Lagos work for all”, but the people of Otodo Gbame community beg to disagree. Lagos is not working for them at all. Like, not one bit.
So many promises for “a better society”, but markets are getting demolished “by mistake”. Is it fair? No, is it fair?
These ones promised us electricity, affordable kerosine and security. How much more electricity and kerosine have we had? Just how much more secure do we feel?
Zero corruption? Discipline? Of who? By who?
Are our passports not still being made in Malaysia? And what about the GEO bill that has been lingering in the Senate forever? What is being done about it?
Maybe this campaign poster was seeing into the future, because it cannot be a representation of any kind of reality; whether past or current. Which inflation went down? Is it the one in formerly rotund bellies heavy with food? Okay, okay…maybe it’s that one.
Eyss, just move away with your nonsense trust. Is it you that cannot trust Naija doctors to take care of you? We should now trust you to do what? You’re looking for our trust, where is your own?
Erm..there’s sha still bad roads now. Infact, worse roads sef. So…hafa?
I’m not even sure which generation they’re talking about.
Which good term? No vacancy ko, no accommodation ni. Isn’t it another person that is there now?
This one is just a big WAWU! All the many incidences of Fulani Herdsmen attacks and religious killings, how many have been addressed personally by the Government? Abeg, abeg…comot for here.
Hmm! Only saviour indeed! In that case Nigeria is already doomed then. If her
“only saviour” has left for medical checkup. How will we ever survive? Who will deliver us?
Nigerian politicians are just one kind, and this next post is proof:
We know it sounds petty af, but come to think of it, most of the Nationalists who fought for Nigeria’s independence were indeed foreign trained.
But on the other hand, we have seen foreign trained Nigerians drag us further into a mess, when they were placed in positions of authority.
To our surprise, Naija Twitter actually discussed the issue, by presenting opposite arguments.
Some felt this was a narrow and disconnected viewpoint of someone who lives abroad, and who subscribes to the idea that ‘the only way is the white man’s way’.
We all want the best for this country, but should we really elect leaders based on where they lived or schooled? What of the vast population of brilliant minds who have not had the opportunity to step out of this country? Should they be marginalized because of this? What do you think?
Let’s go a little back in time to the elections period in Nigeria.
To when realistic and unrealistic promises were made, and “generous”politicians suddenly remembered the hungry, starving, Nigerian masses.
And since honesty isn’t necessarily a Nigerian trait..
Many politicians shared branded food items (and other gifts) which were eagerly received by some greedy voters.
Packaged rice.
For those that place Jollof above necessary infrastructure that should be provided by Nigerian leaders.
Odourless Fufu
In case the smell of mainstream Fufu gets in the way.
And recharge card to call the love of your life.
Aren’t our politicians just thoughtful?
Let’s flip the script and go to Europe where this politician is going to spend two years in prison.
Florin Popescu, a Romanian politician is being jailed for a crime he committed in 2012 while he was lobbying for votes for his re-election into office as a council leader.
He used his political position to secure an order of 60 tonnes of fried chicken worth $85,000 and shared it to voters in a bid to make them vote for him.
He loaded the chicken packages into trailers and distributed them at several locations. Although he resigned earlier in February 2016 and claimed it was for the “good of the country”, Florin currently nicknamed the Chicken Baron will be cooling off in prison for two years as part of Romania’s crackdown on Kwaraption!
Will this kind of crackdown ever happen in Nigeria?
We wait.
[zkk_poll post=24520 poll=content_block_standard_format_8]
For every selfie taken with him and posted with the hashtag “Fashion Santa”, one dollar will be donated to charity by the Yorkdale mall. Talk about hotness for a good cause.
You might think Canada is too far to go and meet ordinary Santa. Well, look no further, here are some Nigerian men giving serious Santa Claus goals.
When Nigerian senator and business man, Ben Murray Bruce tweets, you get the impression that it’s a joke. Like no one, absolutely no one, should ever tweet like this.
We thought the Twitter account was a parody, but he has validated the account time and time again. So it’s okay, we have accepted him as our political cross.
But we needed to know if other countries had their own Ben Murray Bruces’. Surely, we cannot be the only ones who breed them. Seriously, I’m asking on behalf of Nigerians. Of course they do. Every single country has it’s own rich, rude and politically incorrect businessman/political figure.
And we found some of them:
Donald Trump – USA
Does he need any introduction? He’s running for President of the United States of America and his political career seems to combine three ugly things: the outsize role of money, the never-ending campaign season, and America’s embrace of reactionary celebrity figures. He frequently says things like:
Why would anybody listen to @MittRomney? He lost an election that should have easily been won against Obama. By the way,so did John McCain!
Vladimir Zhirinovsky, a loud-mouthed Russian politician, lacks the business credentials of BMB but his statements suggest that they are cut from the same cloth.
For example, he suggests arming every single person in Russia so they can kill birds. He threatened to carpet-bomb Poland and the Baltic states, he bullies female journalists (ordered his aides to “rape” the reporter, then told her that pregnant women shouldn’t be working) and he also rode a donkey in a 2012 election video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTyvTv4lsD4
Some comparisons may not be fair, their faults and virtues may be different from Ben Murray Bruce’s but they are definitely toeing the same line.
