phcn | Zikoko!

Five weeks from now, President Tinubu will have been the president for a year. Yet, good power supply, one of his campaign promises, is anywhere but realised.

Again, while trying to move on from the realisation that we’ve been scammed by another political gamer, city boy returned to dangle another empty promise of constant electricity in our faces during his January 1st New Year broadcast.

Well, with the national grid collapsing for the umpteenth time this year, it’s clear that Mr President and whoever is calling the shots at the power ministry can’t (or won’t) get shit done, so we asked AI for the way forward.

Start a national dance for electricity

How will this work? The power stays on for every hour citizens stay dancing. Now we know that Jagaban is a hot stepper. Maybe when Nigerians hit the streets recreating all his signature moves, he’ll be moved to actually give us light.

Power Rangers program

If your first thought is the Power Rangers, you’re not far off from what ChatGPT suggested. But how will this work? Volunteers will dress up as their fave ranger and generate electricity through their heroic actions. Don’t know about you, but I know we’ll get constant light if Odumeje volunteers.

National switch off day

Are we tripping or is AI plotting with our power minister and his “managing electricity” agenda? Anyway, ChatGPT says we should switch off electricity on Sundays for a day of outdoor activities. AI is pretty much telling us to go outside and touch grass. Think of this as a way of letting the national grid breathe.

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Electricity Idol reality show

Where are those people who claim their voices can send angels to slumber? AI says we should hold their necks because the longer they sing, the more electricity their voices generate. Timi Dakola, Omawumi, Waje et al, rise, please.

Energy olympics

At this point, ChatGPT is accusing us of having the solutions to our problems and deliberately sleeping on them. Have you seen the abundance of talented athletes we have? It’s time to put them to action because we might be able to transform all that energy brewing in them to actual electricity. Victor Osimhen, come outside please.

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National power nap

Even if the national grid eventually receives deliverance, generating 24/7 electricity will only take us back to ground zero. The way out? A 5-hour national siesta to be observed by everybody. This is AI’s way of teaching us maintenance culture.

Adeyinka Odutuyo

April 18, 2024

Inside Life

electricity, Nigeria, phcn
It’s four days to Christmas, and Nigerians are experiencing yet another national blackout.

This time around, a three-day maintenance work at Egbin Power Station, one of Nigeria’s largest thermal stations, is to blame. In August, the federal government, through the Transmission Company of Nigeria (TCN), announced that the country’s power grid operated without any major disruption or system collapse for 400 consecutive days. But that announcement seemed to have jinxed it all as the country recorded its first grid collapse of 2023 in September.

As Nigerians across the country await the restoration of power supply, we highlight the three times citizens have grappled with nationwide blackouts this year.

September 14

Nigerians across the country woke up to darkness on Thursday, September 14, after the country’s national grid system, managed by TCN in Osogbo, collapsed. Distribution companies issued statements clarifying the matter to their customers.

Eko Electricity Distribution Company (EKEDC) said, “Kindly be informed that a system collapse occurred today at 6:41 a.m. This has resulted in a total loss of supply across our network.”

Enugu Electricity Distribution Company PLC (EEDC) said the blackout was a result of “a total system collapse” which occurred at 12:40 a.m. on Thursday.

By Thursday evening, Nigeria’s minister of power, Adebayo Adelabu, announced that the grid was back on and fully operational. “I am delighted to announce the successful restoration of the national electricity transmission grid, thanks to the diligent efforts of our skilled engineers.”

September 19

Barely five days after the national grid was restored, the system collapsed again, putting Nigerians through another round of darkness. This time around, the EKEDC, in an X post said: “Kindly be informed that following today’s system collapse at 11:31hrs, there’s a total loss of supply across our network. We’re currently engaging our partners at the National Control Centre as we await further updates on restoration status.”

On Tuesday evening, the distribution company informed customers that the problem had been fixed and “power supply would be restored soon.”

December 11

Ahead of preparations for the yuletide season, the national grid suffered its third collapse on Monday, December 11. The general manager of TCN, Ndidi Mbah, confirmed it but also maintained that the system was restored by TCN engineers.

“The grid experienced a collapse today (Monday). Presently, it (supply) has been restored except for the Jos axis, which will soon have supply within the hour. The collapse happened by 13:49 p.m. this afternoon. It is now fully restored by 18:51 p.m.”

When will the power supply be restored?

Nigeria suffered a total of 46 grid collapses between 2017 and 2022. The three incidents in 2023 ramp the figure up to 59. It’s important to note that while previous national blackouts were a result of the grid system collapse, the current outage is due to ongoing maintenance work.

The Egbin Thermal Power Station maintenance kicked off on Monday, December 18, and Nigerians are expecting to have electricity restored on Thursday, December 21. At the time of writing this report, the nation is still in darkness.

Adeyinka Odutuyo

December 21, 2023

Citizen

Funny, Nigerians, phcn
Everyone thinks getting a prepaid meter is the best thing in the world until they actually get a prepaid meter.

If you’ve lived all your life as a postpaid meter user, you’ll definitely face these struggles when you finally make the switch.

1. First of all, you won’t get it on time.

You people should please give us this thing nau.

2. How you calculate what to switch off every month.

AC? Abi I should turn off the TV too?

3. Your bulb in the afternoon.

My eyes are bright enough.

4. Your face when you see someone with fridge and TV shouting at you with your single bulb.

If you don’t keep your useless mouth shut!

5. Your face when they ask the entire building to pay the same amount of money even though appliances are different.

It’s like you people are sick, abi?

6. You, reporting to the landlord when you see someone using the electric cooker.

Before they come and ask me to pay for someone else’s sins.

7. How you check the meter when you finish ironing.

Please oh, behave abeg.

8. When your parents catch you boiling water with an electric kettle.

You are in soup.

9. Your face when you have to recharge more than twice a month despite all your management techniques.

Did they send you to me?!

10. You, removing your changeover socket and hiding it when you are about to leave the house.

Wisdom is profitable to direct.

Kunle Ologunro

May 5, 2021

Inside Life

apartment building, Nigeria, phcn, prepaid meter, sharing
1. Being born into the PHCN struggle:

God, why not the abroad na?

2. Your generator’s best friend:

Except when there is fuel scarcity sha.

3. When you are about to put on your gen for the night and they bring light.

See what God can do.

4. You, checking that house everyone uses to know if they have brought light.

Their own gen is never on.

5. When they bring light and none of your neighbours come to tell you.

Is it like that you used to do?

6. When NEPA shows its true colours.

I knew it was too good to be true

7. You, sitting in the dark and waiting for them to bring the light back:

I’m sha not risking it again.

8. When they bring light and nobody in your house wants to go and change over.

It’s not me sha

9. You, when your generator dies in the middle of the night.

Who is doing me from the village?

10. When your generator dies but your neighbour’s own is still on.

It will now be sounding louder than normal.

11. When you put on the small gen but you forgot to turn off the AC.

The struggle.

12. How you look at your generator when the rope cuts:

Hay God!

13. When you realize your phone wasn’t charging and it’s time to put off the gen.

Kuku kill me.

Daniel Orubo

June 6, 2020

Inside Life

gen, generator, Light, NEPA, Nigeria, phcn
If you are a part of the very small percentage of Nigerian adults who have their lives put together enough to make budgets, we have a thing or two to tell you. While you might think that you’ve covered all your bases. You’ve made a budget for food, transport even Friday night faji, there are a couple of key things you are leaving out of your budget that could ruin your finances.
The second cloth you have to buy after your tailor takes the aso-ebi you bought for a wedding and travelled with it.

Please, when are we going to come together as a people and boycott Nigerian tailors?
The extra tyre you need to buy after that deep pothole on your street finally tears your tyre.

And the second one you’ll buy after the same pothole tears the new one.
If you thought you’ll need only 10k fuel for the month double it, because the transformer on your street will blow and you won’t have light for three months.

And you’ll still contribute for NEPA people to come and fix the transformer.
Drugs for malaria you only got because your street has been flooded for the past two weeks.

By the time you get your hospital bill, you’ll wish you just stayed home and prayed the malaria away.
The third and fourth internet subscriptions you have to pay for because the first two start moving mad.

Then you go back to the first two when the third and fourth one starts misbehaving too.
The funny sound your generator starts making even though you only serviced it last week.

You’ll think it just needs to be serviced again until your gen guy tells you, you need to replace the carburetor.
When someone steals wires from the NEPA pole on your street and you have to contribute to pay for it.

You also have to settle the NEPA guys who will come and fix it.
The new phone you have to buy because they obtained your old one in traffic.

Shebi if the traffic was moving the thief won’t have seen road to collect your phone.
When your rent is due on January 1st and your landlord tells you on the 31st that he’s increasing the rent.

After you’ve used all your extra money for December rocks.
Getting that message from your younger brother, sister asking for money.

Me sef I need epp.
The borehole in your compound just suddenly stops working because the last plumber to fix it used fake parts.

And you just fixed it last month,
All the people you have to settle just so you don’t die on the line collecting things like your driver’s license or passport.

And they’ll still ask anything for the boys after you’ve settled them.
Settling police so they can release your friend they carried for no reason.

They said because he was using an iPhone he must be a yahoo boy.
The side mirror of your car you have to replace because one danfo guy trying to overtake you hit it.

After hitting it he started rolling on the floor using God to beg you.
Having to replace the compressor of your freezer because NEPA blew it.

And the surge protector you bought was fake.
NEPA bringing a 90k bill for you even though they only gave you light twice that month.

If you don’t have a prepaid meter go and get one now.
Did we leave anyone out?

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

November 6, 2018

Money

Lagos, money, money struggles, NEPA, Nigeria, Nigeria struggles, phcn, Police, sars, savings struggles
1. When PHCN thinks people will refer to them as PHCN even though still exhibit NEPA behaviour.

2. When there is no light to pump water, so you have to start fetching water in your area.

3. When you have to charge all your electronic gadgets in the office because the only light in your house is from torchlights.

4. When your fridge has turned to a cupboard because there is never light.

5. When you have to sleep without light and your room is like a sauna.

6. And now the mosquitoes are using your body as a buffet.

7. When you are still paying for cable but there is never light to watch it.

8. When you find out how much diesel is now and your wallet starts shedding tears.

9. When you can finally afford petrol/diesel for your generator and then the rope cuts.

10. And PHCN still has the guts to bring ridiculous bills for you to pay.

Jola Ayeye

January 27, 2017

Oldies

Funny, Light, list, NEPA, phcn, power
1. When you are trying to sleep but mosquitoes are using your body as a midnight snack

2. When you wake up and you are drenched in sweat because you had to sleep in heat.

3. Then you go to take a shower and water isn’t coming out of your tap.

4. Meanwhile you have gotten more letters talking about an increase in taxes and estate fines.

5. Then you have to face hours of traffic to get to the office.

6. When you get to the office and your boss is not around, you’re like:

7. Then he strolls in an hour to closing and gives you 4 hours of work.

8. And casually ignores the fact he is owing you 2 month’s salary.

9. Then your dad’s cousin calls you to ask you why you have not yet married.

10. And your friend that hasn’t paid back one loan is asking you very rudely for another one.

11. When you get home you realise a power surge has spoiled almost all your electrical appliances.

12. Which means you were sold a fake stabiliser.

13. Now all the food in your fridge and freezer are spoilt.

14. Only for your landlord to call compound meeting that he is increasing rent with immediate effect.

15. Then one of your cousins has arrived unexpectedly from the village and expects to stay with you.

16. You put on the news and government officials don’t have anything encouraging or sensible to say

17. And now NEPA has taken light so you start the cycle all over again.

Jola Ayeye

January 19, 2017

Oldies

FRSC, Funny, list, NEPA, Nigeria, phcn, Police, stress
1. When you dream NEPA brought light:

Dreams money can buy!
2. When you realise it’s not a dream and there is actually light:

HAYYYYYYY!
3. How you rush to charge all your electrical devices:

My phone oh!
4. You quickly pump water and fill all the drums and buckets in the house with water.

So at least somebody can bath and do one or two things!
5. You sharply microwave what you want to eat!

Ehen!
6. Then you consider the merits of cooking now you can use blender and microwave.

Shall I? Shall I not?
7. Then you remember that if you cook and PHCN takes light all the food will spoil.

Hian!
8. You quickly turn on the air conditioner so the house will be cool.

Like a freezer !
9. Then you wash your clothes:

Na wa oh how did these dirty clothes become so many? Are they breeding?
10. Then you iron all your clothes that are rough!

Work! Work! Work!
11. Now you’ve finished your work and balanced to watch TV…

Finally someone can enjoy life!
12. … NEPA collects the light they borrowed you!

AHN AHN! Is it good?

Jola Ayeye

August 4, 2016

Oldies

chores, Funny, Light, NEPA, Nigeria, phcn, work
1. When there’s light and you’re under your duvet getting ready to sleep.

Sleep finna be lit!
2. And your room feels chill because your fan and AC are on at the same time.

As per Captain cold.
3. But as usual being a Nigerian, you can’t have good things.

Hay God!
4. When just you’re about to doze off…

What is happening?!
5. …And NEPA takes light.

WHAT?!
6. When you try to continue sleeping but it’s not happening anymore.

*tears*
7. But you can hear the mosquitoes getting in formation.

God of mercy!
8. And you can feel the AC cold slowly seeping away.

Please come back…
9. When the legion of flying cockroaches are released.

Lord, I commit myself to you.
10. When you hear a sound in the dark but you’re the only one at home.

Blood of Jesus!
11. When you finally sleep drowning in your own sweat.

Water is good.
12. The next morning when someone asks “How was your night?”

Stressing…

Odunayo

June 14, 2016

Oldies

Light, phcn, Sleep
We know some of you don’t have light sha, but no need to be shy. Take this quiz to find out if you should be getting some or not.

Maryam

April 15, 2016

In Your Feels, Quizzes, Ships

Light, NEPA, phcn, Quiz, Sex
1. When it officially becomes this bad:

The worst.
2. When you haven’t seen light for weeks and they still have the liver to bring bill to your house.

Better leave this place.
3. When they now come and say they want to cut the light.

You want to die.
4. When you finally open your freezer and the smell hits you.

Chineke!
5. When your neighbour puts on their generator and you carry all your gadgets to their door like:

Abeg!
6. When they bring light and it is low current.

What’s now the point?
7. How your eyes react when they finally bring light after weeks.

It’s a miracle.
8. When they bring the light and you run to your iron like:

Thank you, God.
9. When you wake up in the middle of the night drowning in your sweat.

Is this how I will die?
10. When you start staying late at work because you know you’re going home to meet darkness.

The lesser of two evils.
11. When they finally bring light, but the weather is not having it.

https://twitter.com/imDaveChuks/status/717809902350114816

12. When you see light as you’re heading home and they take it right before you reach your house.

My enemies want to see me cry.
13. When the first thing you do when you enter a building is to search for where to charge your phone.

How far socket, biko?

Daniel Orubo

April 8, 2016

Oldies

Africa, nepa. light, Nigeria, phcn, power, torture

Start a national dance for electricity

Power Rangers program

National switch off day

Electricity Idol reality show

Energy olympics

National power nap

1. First of all, you won’t get it on time.

2. How you calculate what to switch off every month.

3. Your bulb in the afternoon.

4. Your face when you see someone with fridge and TV shouting at you with your single bulb.

5. Your face when they ask the entire building to pay the same amount of money even though appliances are different.

6. You, reporting to the landlord when you see someone using the electric cooker.

7. How you check the meter when you finish ironing.

8. When your parents catch you boiling water with an electric kettle.

9. Your face when you have to recharge more than twice a month despite all your management techniques.

10. You, removing your changeover socket and hiding it when you are about to leave the house.

1. Being born into the PHCN struggle:

2. Your generator’s best friend:

3. When you are about to put on your gen for the night and they bring light.

4. You, checking that house everyone uses to know if they have brought light.

5. When they bring light and none of your neighbours come to tell you.

6. When NEPA shows its true colours.

7. You, sitting in the dark and waiting for them to bring the light back:

8. When they bring light and nobody in your house wants to go and change over.

9. You, when your generator dies in the middle of the night.

10. When your generator dies but your neighbour’s own is still on.

11. When you put on the small gen but you forgot to turn off the AC.

12. How you look at your generator when the rope cuts:

13. When you realize your phone wasn’t charging and it’s time to put off the gen.

The second cloth you have to buy after your tailor takes the aso-ebi you bought for a wedding and travelled with it.

The extra tyre you need to buy after that deep pothole on your street finally tears your tyre.

If you thought you’ll need only 10k fuel for the month double it, because the transformer on your street will blow and you won’t have light for three months.

Drugs for malaria you only got because your street has been flooded for the past two weeks.

The third and fourth internet subscriptions you have to pay for because the first two start moving mad.

The funny sound your generator starts making even though you only serviced it last week.

When someone steals wires from the NEPA pole on your street and you have to contribute to pay for it.

The new phone you have to buy because they obtained your old one in traffic.

When your rent is due on January 1st and your landlord tells you on the 31st that he’s increasing the rent.

Getting that message from your younger brother, sister asking for money.

The borehole in your compound just suddenly stops working because the last plumber to fix it used fake parts.

All the people you have to settle just so you don’t die on the line collecting things like your driver’s license or passport.

Settling police so they can release your friend they carried for no reason.

The side mirror of your car you have to replace because one danfo guy trying to overtake you hit it.

Having to replace the compressor of your freezer because NEPA blew it.

NEPA bringing a 90k bill for you even though they only gave you light twice that month.

Did we leave anyone out?

1. When PHCN thinks people will refer to them as PHCN even though still exhibit NEPA behaviour.

2. When there is no light to pump water, so you have to start fetching water in your area.

3. When you have to charge all your electronic gadgets in the office because the only light in your house is from torchlights.

4. When your fridge has turned to a cupboard because there is never light.

5. When you have to sleep without light and your room is like a sauna.

6. And now the mosquitoes are using your body as a buffet.

7. When you are still paying for cable but there is never light to watch it.

8. When you find out how much diesel is now and your wallet starts shedding tears.

9. When you can finally afford petrol/diesel for your generator and then the rope cuts.

10. And PHCN still has the guts to bring ridiculous bills for you to pay.

1. When you are trying to sleep but mosquitoes are using your body as a midnight snack

2. When you wake up and you are drenched in sweat because you had to sleep in heat.

3. Then you go to take a shower and water isn’t coming out of your tap.

4. Meanwhile you have gotten more letters talking about an increase in taxes and estate fines.

5. Then you have to face hours of traffic to get to the office.

6. When you get to the office and your boss is not around, you’re like:

7. Then he strolls in an hour to closing and gives you 4 hours of work.

8. And casually ignores the fact he is owing you 2 month’s salary.

9. Then your dad’s cousin calls you to ask you why you have not yet married.

10. And your friend that hasn’t paid back one loan is asking you very rudely for another one.

11. When you get home you realise a power surge has spoiled almost all your electrical appliances.

12. Which means you were sold a fake stabiliser.

13. Now all the food in your fridge and freezer are spoilt.

14. Only for your landlord to call compound meeting that he is increasing rent with immediate effect.

15. Then one of your cousins has arrived unexpectedly from the village and expects to stay with you.

16. You put on the news and government officials don’t have anything encouraging or sensible to say

17. And now NEPA has taken light so you start the cycle all over again.

1. When you dream NEPA brought light:

2. When you realise it’s not a dream and there is actually light:

3. How you rush to charge all your electrical devices:

4. You quickly pump water and fill all the drums and buckets in the house with water.

5. You sharply microwave what you want to eat!

6. Then you consider the merits of cooking now you can use blender and microwave.

7. Then you remember that if you cook and PHCN takes light all the food will spoil.