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  • Why Nigerian Aunties Won’t Let Kizz Daniel’s “Buga” Rest

    You have to be living under a rock not to have heard Kizz Daniel’s Buga by now. While the song has taken over charts, playlists, and clubs like every other Kizz Daniel song, Buga has also become a fave of Nigerian mummies and aunties worldwide. At this point, it’s not even our song anymore. They’ve hijacked it from us and refused to let it go. 

    We caught up with some of these aunties to talk about why Buga has them in a chokehold, and this is what they had to say for themselves. 

    “The dance is simple. The lyrics are simple. What else do I want?” 

    — Folashade, 58

    Every time I open my Instagram, you guys (millennials downwards) are always trying to kill yourselves in the name of dance and “legwork”. When it’s not like you’re Michael Jackson? 

    If I like a song, I’ll look for the dance on the internet and immediately get discouraged because it’s too hardBut with Kizz Daniel’s Buga, the dance is very easy to learn, and we’ve been doing it since my days. Go low and come back up, finish. 

    I’m too old to be somersaulting because of music. 

    “This is the perfect owambe song, simple.” 

    — Ibidun, 48

    I’ll be very angry if I go for an owambe and they don’t play Buga. What are you celebrating if we’re not doing that “lo lo lo” dance? Ko possible. I heard the song at a wedding last month, and now I play it daily in the kitchen, in the car, everywhere. Buga makes me want to dance and every time I hear “Collect your money”, I start shouting, “That’s my boy.” 

    I keep going to all these events so I can dance to the song with a crowd since I’m too old to go clubbing. Who knows, I might jam him at one of these weddings — I’ll run mad!

    RECOMMENDED: Kizz Daniel Has No Bad Songs. Here Are 10 of his Best Ones

    “After working hard all my life, I’m ready to buga” 

    — Khadija, 50

    Young people don’t understand how deep Kizz Daniel’s Buga is. Yes, we’re all dancing and my children are putting me on the internet, but that song means more to me than just the dance. I retired a while ago after more than 25 years as a civil servant. I worked hard all those years, and now, I’m travelling, attending all the owambes I can find and living a baby girl life or whatever they call it. 

    “You don work, you don try. You suppose to dey jaiye jaiye”, these lyrics from Buga describe how I’m taking on this new chapter of my life. Your generation may not get it because you’re all still working up and down. You can’t even Buga properly because of deadlines. Pele my dear. 

    “It feels good to connect to my grandson without it feeling forced.” 

    — Becky, 63

    One of the sad things about growing older is finding it difficult to connect with younger people and the things they like. I don’t understand social media and I don’t want to. And with music, my teenage grandson is constantly playing all these gragra songs that sound like people are fighting, and I don’t like them. But I liked Kizz Daniel’s Buga from the first time I heard it in his car. It’s such a sweet song that makes me feel good and relaxed. 

    My grandson is always sending me videos of people dancing to it and those videos make my day. 

    “I’m Kizz Daniel’s number one fan.” 

    — Folakemi, 42

    I’ve liked Kizz Daniel since day one. I know all the songs from Woju, even though I don’t like that Poko and that F*ck You song. But with Buga, Every time I’m in a bad mood, it just makes my shoulders  move instinctively. Then I start to dance. 

    Kizz Daniel is consistent with his sound, and everything feels intentional because I can tell he just wants listeners to have a good time. In this country where everything is going higgy hagga, Kizz Daniel’s music is good escapism. For me and my gals, Buga is our song. We need him to do a Christian version sha so I can dance to it in church during Harvest. 

    “Lyrics that I understand and aren’t sinful? Thank God!”

    — Joy, 51

    It’s hard to listen to music these days and not feel weird because of all the lewd lyrics. Everything shouldn’t be about sex and violence. Where is the joy? That’s why I like Buga. It’s a fun, happy-go-lucky song about having a good time and celebrating. The lyrics are not too fast, which makes it easy to learn. We need more songs like this. 

    ALSO READ: 7 Types of Nigerian Aunties at an Owambe

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

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  • What Happens When You Fight With Your Favourite Aunt?

    We all have that aunt, that one makes being part of our insane families somewhat bearable. She’s either too cool for her age or richer than your other aunts. Sometimes she’s both. Either way, she’s your biggest ally and favourite aunt. But what happens when you get into one of your petty fights with her?

    Here are eight things that probably force you to make up.

    No more inside gist about the family

    There’s nothing sweeter than knowing everybody’s story in your family. From the aunty that married three husbands before 19 to the uncle that has three toes, you hear it all because your aunt trusts you. The moment you fight, you suddenly become the outsider. It’s not like she’ll give out all your gist, you just won’t know anything going on anymore.

    You’re on your own when you’re fighting with your mum

    One thing about your favourite aunt is how much she shows up when your mum is stressing you out. She’s either making a case for you to do whatever you like or covering up for you whenever you take matters into your own hands. If you decide to enter World War 3 with that aunt, all your rebellion will end in tears.

    You have to deal with things alone

    One thing about a cool aunt is that she has a life story for everything happening in your life. If it’s about a boy, there’s always a reference from her past and if it’s about your future, there’s a lesson from her life to be told. Either way, you’re not on your own when you have her in your life.

    RELATED: 8 Types Of Nigerian Aunties You Know

    All the free money ends

    People think urgent ₦2k comes from friends or lovers, but it’s really from rich aunties. There’s no amount of money that’s too high when you’re also the favourite niece or nephew. But when any issue starts, all of that ends. She’ll switch up on you like the prodigal son, so forget about collecting extra money from her.

    You can’t visit your favourite cousin

    Now that you’re going neck to neck with your aunt, you can’t just stroll into her house anymore. That automatically keeps you away from your second favourite family member — her child — and you know that’s way worse than fighting with her.

    RELATED: What Happens When You and Your Favourite Cousin Fight?

    No backup partner during family meetings 

    Beyond standing up for you with your mum, she’s the one that takes your side at every family meeting. Even though what you’re asking for makes no sense, she’ll fight for what you want and isn’t afraid to rock the boat. She’s definitely not doing that when you fight though. She’d rather watch you suffer in that moment.  

    You have to pretend to like your other aunties

    Pettiness is the order of the day when it comes to family, so when you’re fighting with one aunt, you have to pretend to like the next. Sometimes it’s a disaster because you end up flooded with unwanted WhatsApp messages and phone calls about joining her for midweek service.

    You’ll actually have to cook at family events

    Before the fight, you could pretend to be on an errand for your aunt while you hid away throughout an event or holiday. Now, you’re washing fish and wrapping moimoi. A whole bad bitch or tech bro like you. She may even be the one calling you to pound yam.

    ALSO READ: I Know I’m Your Favourite Niece, Admit It

    Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.

    Ortega

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  • I Know I’m Your Favourite Niece, Admit It

    We bring to you, letters written by women to women they love, miss, cherish or just remember. To celebrate the support women continue to show each other, this is #ToHER.

    From:  The woman who thinks she’s the favourite niece

    To: Meye, her best aunt

    Dear Aunty Meye,

    I want you to read this knowing how much I love you. Going months without talking to you because of a silly fight made me realise how much I need you in my life. It would kill me if I ever found out something happened to you in the middle of our pointless silence. But knowing us, it’ll probably happen again, so here’s a letter to remind you how much I love you, even when I ignore your calls.

    One thing you always say to me is how alike we are, and maybe that’s what’s kept us connected for so long. When I was a kid, you understood my tantrums too well. You knew how to calm me down and get me to use my words rather than yell. There were times you’d spank me for those blow-ups, especially when we were in public, but you’d come back to hug me before I cried. I think that sums up our relationship; one minute you’re calling me your baby elephant, then we’re suddenly at war, and the next minute, we’re cuddled up again.

    It was easy for anyone to think you were my mum because of how present you were in my life. My mum was your eldest sister, and you were 16, so you stayed with us after school to take care of me when she was away. On some days, you’d tell me you wish you had more time to be a teenager rather than my nanny. I know you never say it out of spite, but I hear you when you express how much time went by in your life.

    RELATED: 8 Types of Nigerian Aunties You Know

    My words can’t compensate for the time, but I want you to know you gave me love that I’ll always be grateful for. When people thought I talked too much, you listened to me. You answered a million questions I asked and waited for the multiple more I had. Thank you for singing to me when I couldn’t fall asleep at night. Now that I’m older, I know it was to distract me whenever my parents were fighting. Thank you for loving me like your child, Aunty Meye.

    When I was 13 and you moved to Canada for school, I spent weeks adjusting to your absence. Nothing hurt more than the days I woke up needing encouragement when my parents fought. I needed your hugs. Still, thank you for being one phone call away no matter how busy you were. Going back to uni for another degree in your 30s must’ve been hard, but I’m proud you weren’t afraid to try. Thank you for encouraging me to get mine too, whenever you called — even though it led to our fight in March [2022].

    I’m sorry for our stupid fight. We’d gone back and forth on moving to Canada for my master’s degree. You’ll never admit it, but I know it was also for us to be close to each other again. I wanted that too, but I just didn’t want Canada. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted. I just needed you to trust that I had it under control. But like an African aunty, you were worried about my future. 

    RELATED: 15 Things Anyone With a Nigerian Aunty Will Understand Immediately

    I understood you only wanted a better life for me. A soft life, actually. I was only angry you were acting like everyone else and hounding me about going to school. You’d call it tough love, but I expected you to be on my side. That’s why I ghosted you for months. I was hurt that you didn’t believe in me, and at the same time, I was sad that I’d disappointed you. 

    When I found out you were sick, I knew the silence wasn’t worth it. I’d never forgive myself for not taking your calls or responding to your texts. I’d probably stare at them every day if you ended up gone. You are my favourite aunt, and I know I’ll always be your favourite niece. 

    We’ll probably have another fight in about two months, but by then, I’ll be closer to Canada, so we can settle it in person. Until then, read this letter and admit that you missed my endless questions and gist.

    With all my love,

    Ebere

    ALSO READ: 7 Types Of Nigerian Aunties At An Owambe

    Ortega

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  • Healthcare Tips to Keep 50+ Yoruba Aunties Alive

    Whether it’s asking you when you’re going to marry or tugging at your pandemic belly, Yoruba aunties can wreak havoc, but who’s going to plan the epic Owambe parties we love if they’re gone too soon? So to keep the necessary evil alive, these are the nine health care tips 50+ Yoruba aunties should know. Share this with them to keep the party rice coming.

    1. Tell her to exercise

    Exercise will keep her heart pumping and agile enough to frustrate any 25+ woman renouncing marriage. Tell her to get out of bed every morning for some light exercise — remember all the punishments she gave you? Tell her to do it for a long life. Jump up and down (not too high o), swing your arms, or go up and down the stairs. The goal is to keep her body moving and active so she can keep being the gorgeous girl she is and too tired to stress you. 

    2. Give her nuts 

    Chill. I’m talking about almonds, walnuts and peanuts. Her body needs the nutrients — protein, fat, fiber, vitamins, and minerals. Tell her how convenient it is to throw in that big bag she’s always carrying or throw anybody stressing an elderly woman. 

    3. Get her to take healthy supplements

    Agbo is a Yoruba aunty’s cure for everything. Please introduce her to health supplements like vitamins. Last last, help her blend a Vitamin C tablet in her concoction — doctors say it’s good for their immune system.  Some women talk about taking the Reload Multivitamin, but please, call that doctor she wants you to marry and confirm.

    Healthcare tips

    4. Introduce her to healthy foods

    Amala and gbegiri with soft kpomo and shaki is the holy grail of every Yoruba aunty, but please help her cut carrots and cucumbers by the side. Then grab her ears if you see her drinking anything that is not water or ginger tea. She might slap you, but you’re the reason she’ll be alive to host another banging owambe for us.

    Healthcare tips

    5. Book a massage for her

    No shade, but her bones are not what they used to be. A bi-weekly or monthly massage at the hospital or spa will do wonders for your back and knees. Again, we’re doing this for the party jollof.

    Healthcare tips

    6. Get her to have more sex

    Now it’s time to talk about the other nut. They say sex after 50 can be the best sex of your life. Try it and come tell us about it for Zikoko Sex Life.

    7. Fix her doctor’s appoinments

    Beg her to stop going to the hospital to look at fine doctors for you to marry, please. She needs to take preventative checks and screenings like mammograms and pap smears as seriously as the pepper in her food. Get her to talk about menopause, the painful cramps, night sweats, vaginal dryness and everything in between. 

    8. Teach her to focus on her mental health

    This one might be hard, but tell her to stop choosing violence — no more hiding souvenirs in her extra bag at weddings or haunting you for more grandchildren. Tell her to find what gives her peace to avoid anything that raises her blood pressure. Introduce her to a self care routine tips: buy her a candle, buy a pet to distract her or just buy her a plane ticket to another country for your own peace. 

    9. Find more friends for her

    Remove her from the family group chat — she needs real friends at this point. Get her to connect with old school friends (the real Nollywood babes) or a community for women. Either way, she needs to get out of the house and meet more people that relate to being a 50+ woman. 

    Ortega

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  • 7 Ways Your Period App Would Send Notifications as a Nigerian Aunty

    Period apps are like the ‘oyinbo’ version of an aunty we can never relate to in Nigeria. She’s so sweet with her notifications — Nigerian aunties chose violence. If Nigerian aunties took over the period apps, these are some of the notifications women would be getting.

    1. “Guard your virginity. Don’t disgrace your family outside.”

    This is for when it’s your safe period to have sex. A Nigerian aunty will never pass up the opportunity to tell you to remember the home you came from. There might even be a feature to drag your ears.

    2. “You’re ripe enough. When will you give us grandchildren?”

    Once you’re above 25, the notification for ovulation period will start changing. It’s either this one or “Let me introduce you to my friend’s son. He’s a doctor.” Then she’ll show you the statistics of all your mates getting married.

    3. “I hope you’re wearing pant today sha.”

    This is for all the ladies that hate wearing pant. A few days to your period and our Nigerian version of Aunty Flo will be shouting. Stop stressing her please.

    4. “Are you the first woman with period cramps, stop complaining.”

    If an aunty doesn’t invalidate your pain, she’s not Nigerian at all. They’re own is to be shouting “Are you the first woman to ….” up and down.

    5. “Ehm madam. Why is your period late? Explain.”

    LOL. The app can deck you if you forget to update the app on day 1 of your period.

    6. “Just look at your stomach. At your age I was trekking from Cotonou to Nigeria.”

    You can’t even rest when you’re just bloated. Normal period apps will calmly notify you about exercises to try, but a Nigerian aunty must drag you first.

    7. “All these wigs and you’re still too broke to upgrade me.”

    This is for those of us that will probably never pay for the upgraded version of our period apps. She will remind us of the times we spent money on things that don’t concern her.

    Ortega

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  • 10 Signs That Show You Are The Broke Aunty

    Not everyone gets to be the rich Nigerian aunty, some of us have to be the broke aunty to bring the balance. If you are reading this, you are probably in doubt of what type of aunty you are. There’s a high chance you are a broke Nigerian aunt, and here are some signs to prove that we aren’t wrong. 

    1.Your best gifts to your niblings are hugs and kisses.

    You always shower your niblings with hugs and kisses, they love your hugs and look forward to them. What they don’t know is that those hugs are the best gifts they can receive from you; for now. 

    2.Your PiggyVest account is begging you for money.

    All you’ve saved so far is your life. If you can’t save for yourself, how then can you save for others?

    3.You prefer jeans to kaftans.

    Tell yourself the truth, have you seen a rich Aunty that prefers jeans to kaftan?. One of the signs of being rich is preferring comfortable clothes and you are clearly not there yet. 

    4.You are ‘gainlessly’ employed.

    You are employed, but not too much. Your salary can only last you a few days before you are back to point zero. 

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    5.Kids can’t play with your phone because you are still paying for it.

    You don’t let anyone near your phone, talk less of kids. If the kids need to play with something, they can play with you.

    6.Your family members always group you with the kids.

    Your family members are always so quick to group you with the kids. You think it’s a harmless joke, but they do it because they know you are broke like the kids. 

    7.Your younger cousins don’t call you.

    Your younger cousins don’t call you to greet you or ask you for money, they already know the response they’ll get. It’s a win for you- advantages of being the broke aunty.

    8.All your carts are uncleared.

    Your ‘God when’ is so strong-  mostly for those uncleared carts.

    9.Your parents air your calls.

    Your parents put their phone on airplane mode when your call comes in. They know what your calls are for, and they don’t want to hear it. 

    10.You have only one wig.

    You have convinced yourself and others that you prefer your natural hair to wigs. Self-love is good and so is self-awareness. 

    Ibukun

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  • With Nigerian Aunties, it is one of two things. Either they make life soft or a living hell for you. There’s the one that is basically your elder sister and the one that is always in your business 24/7. Here are 8 types of Nigerian aunties.

    1.The rich Nigerian aunty

    This type of Nigerian aunty is the oga of them all. She sends money when you are at your most broke, not just on your birthday. It’s almost as if she can read your mind. This is the one aunty that can do no wrong in your books.

    2. The aunty that always sends WhatsApp broadcast messages

    This type of Nigerian aunty believes in every and any conspiracy theory out there. According to her, Obama is the antichrist and you should drink lime every morning when you wake up to prevent cancer. You sometimes wonder how she manages to come out of her house when she is afraid of everything. The worst part is that she won’t enjoy her nonsense alone, she’d send it to you or your mum who actually believes it.

    3. The aunty that stays abroad

    She always buys you nice things on your list when she comes to visit Nigeria but somehow still manages to be strict. You don’t know if you like her or if you like her gifts. 

    4.The one that monitors your life

    I like to call this on CCTV because she’s always monitoring you. You’ve blocked her on most social media but she always finds a way to monitor you. If she was just doing this and keeping the information to herself there won’t be a problem but no, she will call your parents personally to tell them that you are being wayward. The question is why are you, an old person, in another person’s business? 

    5. The spiritual aunty 

    In the battle of worst to best Nigerian aunties, she wins. Spending time in her house is a nightmare, they are always praying against one thing or the other. She also either gives birth to your favourite cousins or your least favourite cousins and no there’s no in-between.

    6. The aunty that doesn’t send anybody

    She’s not on the family group chat, she doesn’t pick calls, doesn’t partake in family drama and people only see her once in five years. Her kids are fun to be around and she is a lot more open-minded for someone her age. She’s not about that stressful life.

    7. The aunty that’s your dad’s sister

    This one doesn’t even qualify to be called an aunty, this type of Nigerian aunty doesn’t do anything for you. She doesn’t call, send money or check up on you but will be offended that you graduated from school and didn’t invite her. A clown.

    8. The aunty that is actually your cousin

    She is that one cousin that has always and will always be several years older than you and because you didn’t know what to call her, you started calling her Aunty. She is the best of them all, she might not be as rich but she will always show up for you and she is always on your side. The best babe for real.

    Malakai Bassey

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  • 8 Ways To Know You Are A Rich Nigerian Auntie

    A rich Nigerian auntie doesn’t refer to those aunties from your father’s side that do nothing but comment on your weight and ask you when you’d be getting married.

    The rich Nigerian auntie is an aesthetic bigger than one person — and here’s how to be sure you are one…

    1. You have the dress

    Every other month, there is a dress that they all collectively wear. If you have at least two of them, congratulations, you are a true rich Nigerian auntie.

    2.  You also have the shoe

    Can there be a dress without a shoe? I think not. It can be that square-shaped one that men swear is ugly, but what do they know about fashion?

    3. You have sleek wigs

    None of those synthetic wigs. It must be a full-body weave and expensive as hell. Bonus points if you just style your natural hair now and again.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Be a femtrepreneur 

    Own a startup or just be a boss at whatever you do, girl boss power. Drop tips when you are in a good mood and be a panellist on at least one women in tech event. 

    5. Be an intersectional feminist 

    For you to be qualified as a rich Nigerian auntie, you must be an intersectional feminist. You can’t stand for women and ignore queer people, disabled people or trans women.

    6. Have clear skin

    When you are unproblematic, you’ll automatically have clear skin. Try minding your business for a month, and watch your skin flourish. This is backed by science.

    7. Host brunch

    Every once in a while, gather your fellow rich Nigerian aunties and host brunch. Don’t forget to serve us looks on every social media platform.

    8. Have a child or less

    Rich Nigerian aunties don’t like stress, they have vacations to plan and designers to wear, where is the time to be having more than 1 child? Just adopt as many cats and dogs as possible, they are less stressful anyway.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    Malakai Bassey

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  • QUIZ: Only People With Nigerian Aunties & Uncles Should Take This

    If you have Nigerian aunties and uncles, then you already have an idea of just how stressful they can be — from the intrusive questions to the backhanded compliments. So, we decided to create a quiz that tests just how well you know them.

    Go ahead:

    11 Quizzes That Will Help You With Your Sex Life

    Let us help you fix your sex life. Take the quizzes.

    NerdEfiko

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  • If You’ve Ever Fallen For That ‘Bring Your CV After NYSC’ Scam, This Is For You

    1. So you’ve just finished NYSC and your adulting has fully begun

    Yes o!

    2. And all your mates are running up and down trying to get a job

    Applying up and down!

    3. But you’re not really bothered because your uncle at NNPC told you to bring your CV after NYSC

    I’m not even bothered.

    4. And even your aunty at CBN has told you to put your mind at rest

    I’ve got zero worries!

    5. When you see your mates busy applying to banks up and down, you’re like

    2 or 3 jobs are already waiting for me sha!

    6. How you get yourself ready to see your uncles and aunts that have promised you the world

    Let me slay for them!

    7. How you give them plenty missed calls when they don’t want to pick up

    What’s happening here?

    8. You, when you go to their office and their secretary says they’re not around

    So whose car did I see outside?

    9. When you now try applying for other jobs but they’re all closed

    I have finished myself!

    10. You, when you see your mates going to work and you’re still jobless

    Take me with you now!

    11. When you see your aunties and uncles at family weddings, you’re like

    You people don’t kuku have shame.

    12. The next time a family member says you should bring your CV, you’re like

    I don’t want!

    Shola

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