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Growing up, you may have heard the story of a Nigerian artist who made rain fall with a song. Or the one whose song was inspired by a mermaid.
We can’t confirm if these are true or not, but we can research other songs which also had myths attached to them.
Guitar Boy — Sir Victor Uwaifo
Sir Victor Uwaifo made ‘Guitar Boy’ in 1966. The late artist stated in an interview that he once had an encounter with a mermaid at the Bar Beach on Victoria Island, Lagos. True or not, the story has gone far, and many people think the song title is “Mami Water” instead of Guitar Song.
Send Down the Rain — Majek Fashek
The legend of Majek Fashek is hugely attached to his 1987 hit ‘Send Down the Rain.’ A year after the song’s release, Nigeria recorded an average annual precipitation of 121.6cm, making it the second rainiest year in the 1980s. The heavy rainfall came at that time the song was at its peak, so many people considered the song prophetic.
Esubiribiri Ebomi — King Sunny Ade
This song was King Sunny Ade’s protest anthem when he had label issues with Bolarinwa Abioro in 1974. The legend says that each time King Sunny Ade touched the guitar, he was “struck by madness.” And then on the record, he chanted incantations that hinted at defiance.
If I Die — Da Grin
After the success of Da Grin’s first album CEO (2009), the rapper went mainstream. While preparing to release his sophomore album, he put out ‘If I Die’ — a song about death.
A few months after the song’s release, the rapper passed away in a car crash. His death made the public believe ‘If I Die’ was Da Grin’s premonition of his own demise.
Osondi Owendi Remake — MC Loph
In 2011, rapper MC Loph did a contemporary remake of ‘Osondi Owendi,’ originally made by highlife music legend Osita Osadebe. There was a rumour that Osita’s family forbade MC Loph from using the song, but he did anyway. Although the song shot the rapper into the limelight, it wasn’t for long. He died in a car accident later in 2011, and many remarked it was a consequence of going against the Osadebe family.
Tiwa Savage once dedicated a sexy song called ____ to Jesus?
What song sent down the rain anytime one Nigerian musician performed?
Who did you think 2Face dissed in “Only Me”?
Olamide was rumoured a member of Illuminati after he released a song titled ____
An artist saw a mermaid and made a song about it.
What song did Tems say it’s about Jesus teaching her to walk on water?
There was a rumour a Nigerian singer made a song called “Fall In Love” for one Nollywood actress
There is a myth that Da Grin predicted his own demise in a song
Which artist did you think Davido was addressing in his song, “FEM”?
There was a long-time rumoured that 9ice talked his ex-wife in a song
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Whether these things are true or false, we can’t help but think of all the dreams you’ve been sold. Wake up, man.
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You weren’t aware of these hearsays about these songs? Hmm. Stop being old or cosplaying a Gen Z, pleasee.
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Now, what exciting lies will you tell your kids about songs of your time?
Hey! The third episode of our Valentine Special out. We brought back two best friends to share how their relationship has evolved in the last five years. Watch below:
Talk Trueis a Zikoko limited series for medical myth-busting. With each episode, we’ll talk to medical professionals about commonly misunderstood health issues to get the actual facts.
If you grew up in a Nigerian home, you know it’s a given that Saturdays are reserved for beans or beans-derived meals. And if you didn’t like beans, you were likely encouraged to eat it or prepare to be short. Beans have been so associated with height that almost every tall person can relate to being presented with the “Do you like beans?” question at least once in their lifetime.
But how did our parents and grannies start championing the “beans for height” theory in the first place? Is it a claim based on facts, or yet another ploy to force us to eat the food at home? Ayooluwa Okunjolu, a nutritionist, provides answers.
Why’s the “beans for height” theory even a thing?
“Beans are a great source of plant-based protein, and protein is an essential nutrient for growth and development — which we assumed means “height” — but few people actually know that beans isn’t all protein. It’s a great protein source, but that’s not all it is,” Ayooluwa says.
While beans contain 21-25% protein by weight — much higher than other plant-based protein sources — it contains about 65-72% complex carbohydrates by weight as well. Meaning it’s technically more carbs than protein. So, using beans alone as the primary source of protein in your diet won’t exactly provide all the growth and development your body needs.
Nigerian mothers right now
So, does eating beans actually make you tall?
“If it were true, I’d definitely be six feet tall, because my mum made sure I ate a lot of beans growing up,” Ayooluwa notes.
It just doesn’t work that way
He explains further.
“Growth and development are more of a cellular thing: organ development, tissue building and repair, cognitive development, etc.
Protein-rich food like beans supports growth and development, but it’s just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to increase in height. Genetic factors account for approximately 60-80% of a person’s height, while environmental factors — like diet, exercise and lifestyle — contribute only 20-40%.
Your diet can impact whether you reach your maximum height potential, but it can’t alter the genetic potential for height. So, I’m sorry, but if your parents aren’t tall, it’s unlikely you’ll be tall regardless of the amount of beans you eat.”
Eating beans doesn’t equal to height, dear
Should you stop eating beans, then?
Definitely not. Beans contribute to healthy iron and Vitamin B intake, which prevents anaemia that could result in delayed growth in children. Some sources also say it’s great for brain power. As Ayooluwa explains, improper nutrition will also lead to an individual not reaching their full height potential.
“Beans are a very important part of our diet. It’s really nutritious, and when taken together with other healthy foods in a balanced diet, the body grows as it should.”
What kind of food can make you tall?
A balanced approach to nutrients is key. If your genetic blueprint doesn’t have “six feet” levels of height, there’s almost nothing food can do. But nutrition can help, and Ayooluwa explains that it’s an all-hands-on-deck approach.
“There’s no special food that’ll make you taller, but balancing all the nutrients is essential for growth and development. Nutrients like carbs, healthy fats, protein, vitamins and minerals are all equally important.”
Is there still hope for short people?
Not exactly. There’s hardly any physical change (read as height) that can happen once you’ve crossed puberty. This is because your bones stop growing and essentially fuse together.
“We stop growing around age 20, so eating healthy shouldn’t be for the purpose of getting taller at that age. Growth starts from infancy. Once there’s malnourishment and stunted development from an early age, it’s difficult to change in adulthood. So, doing the right thing from the beginning is essential. It doesn’t mean adults shouldn’t eat healthily, though. Remember, there’s still cellular growth and development going on — tissue repair and muscle building, for instance.”
The takeaway
Beans are a great source of protein, but it’s not the only factor involved in height. Ensuring a well-balanced diet from childhood will help you reach your full growth potential. But height is largely genetics. So, if it didn’t dey, it didn’t dey.
Talk True is a limited Zikoko medical myth-busting series. With each episode, we’ll talk to medical professionals about commonly misunderstood health issues to get actual facts.
If you paid close attention the first time you heard the term “toilet infection”, there’s a high possibility it was in a danfo. It probably involved someone standing in one corner of the bus selling pills they swore were the solution to all your life’s problems.
Sigh
If it wasn’t a danfo, it was one of those loud voices that repeatedly thundered from hidden speakers in the market urging you to buy “Dr Iguedo’s Goko Cleanser” to clear the million toilet infections in your system. If you asked the danfo entrepreneur or the cleanser marketers about what the symptoms of toilet infections are, their responses would range from “itching in the vaginal area” to “watery smelly discharge” and even “infertility”.
But are toilet infections really a thing? What state must your toilet be in to “infect” you? Itohan, a general medicine practitioner, speaks on this.
What’s a toilet infection?
“Toilet infection is a layman — and often misleading — term for vaginitis,” Itohan says.
Google-trained doctors be like…
Vaginitis (or vaginal infection) is an inflammation of the vagina that may result in itching, unusual discharge and pain. It is usually caused by either one/or a combination of a bacterial or fungal infection, a change in the normal balance of vaginal bacteria, a sexually transmitted infection (like Trichomoniasis) or even menopause. And it’s actually a common medical condition.
“About one-third of women — especially those in the reproductive age — will have vaginitis at one point or another.”
But is it gotten from toilets?
The list of probable causes above doesn’t mention toilets, but I ask Itohan to be sure.
“No. It’s definitely not. A dirty toilet doesn’t lead to a vaginal infection. To know what might be causing inflammation, it’s important to look at the symptoms and more likely causes.
When due to a fungal infection, vaginal inflammation is caused by an overgrowth of yeast (a fungus called Candida). This type of vaginitis is called a yeast infection or vaginal candidiasis and is characterised by intense itching around the vulva, a burning sensation after sex or urination, thick white cottage-cheese-like discharge and general soreness.
Another type of vaginitis is bacterial vaginosis, and it’s typically a result of an imbalance in the normal vaginal bacteria due to factors like douching or unprotected sex with a new partner. The difference here is, this type usually comes with an abnormal offensive odour. Some people don’t even experience itching or any symptoms with bacterial vaginosis.”
While Itohan insists dirty-toilets-causing-infections are a myth, she admits irritants can upset the vaginal environment and cause vaginitis.
“We call this type non-infectious vaginitis, and it’s often caused by an irritation or allergic reaction. Some people will start to itch when they come in contact with chemicals from perfumed soaps, detergents or tissues. This is why your doctor will always advise you to clean the vulva with water and mild soap. Vulva, not vagina, please. That’s another recipe for bacterial imbalance.”
And definitely don’t do this:
learn to steam after your period with herbs like rosemary, cloves or just hot water. Sometimes cook hibiscus leaves, mint, cloves, ginger/garlic, lemon, together and drink. The V is self cleaning but pls wash your vulva. It is not. Treat UTI frequently if u always use public T's
As someone who’s seen several cases of vaginitis, Itohan understands the dangers of blanketing every symptom as a “toilet infection”.
“Most people attribute every itch or discomfort they feel to yeast or some toilet infection and just use boric acid to relieve the itching. But you need to know the actual cause if you want long-term relief.
Imagine treating vaginitis caused by trichomoniasis, a sexually transmitted infection, with boric acid (which treats yeast infections). You’d get temporary relief but left untreated, trichomoniasis can last years and cause complications like premature delivery in pregnant women and poses an increased risk for cervical cancer.”
Even though vaginitis may be concerning, it’s not something to be too worried about.
“Whatever the cause of vaginitis is, it’s usually treatable. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t be scared to visit your doctor. It’s ten times better than relying on what Aunty A from Instagram said she used to treat hers.”
Know your body, babes
The first step to properly detecting and managing vaginitis is knowing your body well enough to observe when something’s off.
“Every woman has some form of vaginal discharge and smell. The discharge tends to change in consistency and quantity throughout the menstrual cycle. When you’re in tune with your vaginal health, you’d know when there’s a different odour.
For example, yeast infections are probably the most common type of vaginitis (after bacterial vaginosis), and it tends to reoccur in most ladies. A babe who’s had it before and is self-aware knows to watch out for factors that increase the risk, such as using antibiotics and birth control pills which may disrupt normal vagina flora, hormonal changes due to the menstrual cycle or pregnancy, or any condition that causes a weakened immune system. Again, most types of vaginitis are highly treatable.”
On treatment
Itohan emphasises that treatment is relatively simple and accessible, but the right diagnosis is key.
“Once a diagnosis is made by your doctor or healthcare provider, treatment will typically involve over-the-counter pills, creams or suppositories. A yeast infection requires antifungal medications, while antibiotics are the go-to for bacterial vaginosis. See why proper diagnosis is important?”
Preventing vaginitis is also very possible, and mainly requires some lifestyle changes.
“Avoid douching like a plague. Please don’t steam your vagina to make it ‘tight’. It may destroy naturally occurring bacteria in the vagina and lead to an infection. Avoid scented tampons or soaps. Change out of wet clothing as soon as you can. Clean your sex toys after every use. Use water-based lubricants, and of course, use protection with new sexual partners.”
If you have recurring vaginitis, please visit a doctor or healthcare provider.
You’ve probably heard some gist about different places in Nigeria, and the north is one of them. Things like “everywhere’s hot up there” or “one man can have 35 kids”. We’ve asked the northerners themselves, and here are a few myths they want you to stop believing.
“It’s always very hot up there”
Samuel, 25. Lives in Taraba
“I always thought this was weird because where I live is a lot colder than most places down south. I live in Gembu, Taraba State, and I don’t feel the heat people talk about when they speak of the north. I think people forget some parts are high above the sea level, and therefore, have higher temperatures.”
“All northerners are Muslims”
Deborah, 32. Lives in Kaduna
“I think people have this opinion because they assume northerners are Hausa, and that’s not true at all. A lot of states in the North have tribes that are hugely Christian or even multireligious. There’s more diversity than one would expect.”
“It’s very unsafe”
Ibrahim, 29. Lives in Kano
“While there has been a lot of destruction in some parts of the north. Most places are still relatively safe. Southerners tend to forget the north is really big, and the same way these things come as news to them is the same way they do to us. That’s not to excuse the horrific things that’ve been happening.”
“It’s a very conservative place”
Aisha, 20. Lives in Sokoto
“You’ll be surprised to go to a party and find people dancing to Naira Marley’s songs with crazy passion. While it’s certainly more conservative than other parts of the country, there’s still a lot more freedom than people expect. This leaves them shocked whenever they come here.”
“Whenever I mention my name, people just assume I’m Hausa or Fulani. I don’t mind it, but please, there are hundreds of ethnicities here, and it’s more diverse than most people think. It’s not a monolithic place like that.”
“Life is very cheap, and you don’t need much”
Josephine, 24. Lives in Jos
There’s a going falsehood that things such as food and other perishable items are cheaper to get here, and nothing is more absurd. It’s even worse here sometimes because of the cost of transportation from farms to markets. I think people have been sold a lot of lies about this place.”
Many Nigerian women were fed with lies in the name of sex education. In this article, we debunk some of the sex myths you’ve heard throughout your life.
1. Tampons will ‘disvirgin’ you
Tampons are not sexual objects. If you’ve never had sex before using a tampon, you will still be someone that has never had sex after using a tampon. Hymens are naturally perforated to allow blood flow and this is where the tampons are inserted in. Also, hymens may tear or break during non-sexual activities like exercising or riding a horse. The concept of virginity is a topic for another day.
2. Sex is limited to penetration
There are other ways to have sex that don’t include penetration like oral sex, tribbing and using toys. It depends on what you want to achieve with your partner. Sex doesn’t have to follow a script — you can improvise as you go.
3. You can catch STDs from a toilet
Sexually transmitted diseases can only be transmitted through sexual intercourse. It is impossible to catch an STD from a toilet and also unlikely to catch other infections as well.
4. A loose vagina tells how many partners a woman has had
All vaginas are different but the one thing they have in common is that they stretch as it gets lubricated. There is no evidence that sex loosens a person’s vagina over time. This is a myth that needs to die.
5. Consent is limited to sex
Consent extends to other human interactions. You want to be sure that whoever you are engaging with wants to do it with you too. It also makes for a better experience.
6. Your partner has to have a large penis to enjoy sex
The war on small penises has to stop. They are also well capable of doing the job. The key is to speak with your partner and find out what works. People didn’t create themselves, be better.
7. All lesbians scissor
Some lesbians prefer penetration with toys or fingers. Some may want just foreplay while others may not indulge much in sex. Sex doesn’t have to have a script. Talk to your partner as often as you can and learn what a good sexual experience should look like according to your standards.
So, if you thought pregnancy cravings were the funniest things about being pregnant, then you definitely have not heard of the pregnancy myths. With the help of Zikoko WhatsApp groups 2 and 3, I compiled a list of some of the funniest pregnancy myths ever.
1) If you dip your hand into your husband’s pocket to take money, your child will become a thief.
This is one of those pregnancy myths you know was made by a man who was tired of his wife taking money from his pocket, because WHAT IS THIS????? How?
2) If you walk over a pregnant woman, the child will look like you
Genetics in the MUD. DNA? Who is she??? Tunde, the child does not look like you because the gardener crossed your wife while she was pregnant. Simple. Cheating? No dear.
3) If you eat snails while pregnant, your child will be an olodo
You know snails are slow, right? And you know we are what we eat? The math is mathing shey? Think about it!
4) If you walk in the sun while pregnant, your child will be replaced by an evil spirit
With how hot this country is, this explains a lot. If you have had the pleasure of living in Nigeria, you will know that a lot of Nigerians are just evil spirits in human bodies. Also, this will be a great car ad. “Buy an air conditioned car today, prevent the rise of evil spirits.” Innosson Motors, CALL ME!
5) If a pregnant woman walks in the afternoon without a safety pin on her dress, the baby will be possessed
Have you heard of Ghostbusters? Well I give to you, GHOST BLOCKERS.
A modern day ghost repellent
Another explanation for all the people we have in this country. To think a safety pin would have prevented it all. It also makes you think, how weak are demons that ordinary safety pin is enough to chase them away? Nigerian demons better step up their game.
Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.
6) If you eat plantain or banana without removing the middle part, the baby’s head will be split in the middle.
Where do I even start from? From where do I begin? I need a scientific explanation. In fact, I would not mind a non-scientific one. I just need someone to explain this to me like I am five.
7) If you are having heartburn, it means your child will be hairy
Scenes where your child comes out as smooth as an egg. What will you now say?
8) If you visit someone that just gave birth, your labour will be induced
You have heard of period sync? Well, prepare for *drumroll please* Labour SYNC!!!!!
Of course this makes perfect sense. The child that was just born will use its amazing baby communication skills to inform the one in the womb that the coast is clear. Baby communication technology should really be a course in Universities.
9) If a pregnant woman sits in the middle of twins, she too will have twins
So what if the ultrasound showed only one baby before? Have you never heard of divine multiplication before?
10) If a pregnant woman scratches her itchy stomach instead of rubbing it, she will have stretch marks.
Fuck scientific research that proves stretch marks can be as a result of the tearing of the dermis during periods of rapid growth, simply do not scratch your stomach while pregnant.
For more stories of all things women, please click here. Also, if you haven’t subscribed to the HER newsletter yet, you can by clicking this button
Permit me to revisit (some of) your childhood trauma.
1) Packing hair at the barbershop after every haircut.
Because people were “stealing” destiny and glory from hair. I can’t stop wondering how they would single out one person’s hair from the pile.
2) Refusing to wear helmets because they could “steal” your destiny/glory through it.
Spiritual safety over physical safety, innit?
3) Not picking calls from strange numbers.
The explanation was that they were also collecting souls through the phone. And people were allegedly vomiting blood. Soulja boy is shaking at all that wasted potential.
4) Not listening to certain songs because they were using them to recruit people into the Illuminati.
Let’s be honest, music nowadays doesn’t slap again like the Illuminati era. Maybe the secret ingredient of a good gbedu is someone’s soul.
5) Avoiding direct contact with lizard eggs because they could cause “epilepsy.”
Who sold us this lie?
6) Refusing food from strangers to avoid becoming a witch/wizard.
I still regret not eating Juniors birthday biscuit when I was in Primary 5.
There is so much information out there as regards the Coronavirus in Nigeria that it has become hard to separate truth from fiction.
Misinformation is just as deadly as the virus itself so it’s important we get the facts right.
In the name of promoting healthy practices and all-round baby boy and girl living, we the people of Zikoko spoke to a health care practitioner. This is to help us clarify some of the myths about Coronavirus in Nigeria and put us at ease.
1) Black people can’t get the virus.
With the latest reports coming out of African countries about new cases, everyone is at risk of getting infected. There is currently no proof to show that racial difference protects you against being infected.
2) Saltwater can kill viruses.
Unless you are an ordained priest of the church fighting vampires, you have no business with saltwater. Soap, water, and hand sanitizer are the three musketeers that can fight this infection.
3) Heat not only kills workplace productivity, but it also takes along Covid-19 with it?
The temperature required to kill the virus is so high that it’s not practical for everyday use. It would probably kill other unintended things so it’s better to just stick to plain old hand-washing. Soap and clean water are your best friends.
4) After “God forbid”, will a face mask also protect me?
Yes. Only certain types used by healthcare workers have the capacity to protect you. However, surgical masks currently used by the general public don’t have that capacity. Although, it is advisable for infected people to wear surgical masks to reduce the risk of infecting others.
5) The virus is a propaganda by the West.
The Coronavirus is very real and is not a hoax by any Government to incite fear. It is a worldwide emergency, so please take the necessary precautions during this period.
6) My two capsules of antibiotics can protect me from miss Rona.
This is a viral infection so antibiotics don’t have any effect. What you can do is try to eat healthily, get enough sleep, and generally do activities that improve good health I.e staying hydrated.
Remember to take these preventive measures:
While we wait for more updates, we thought of innovative ways to greet your friends outside of hugging and handshaking. Find out about that here.
Health insurance is an important financial scheme that helps protect a person’s finances in the event of illnesses. However, Nigeria’s dearth of education about the subject has led to the perpetuation of myths and misconceptions about it, which is a major reason why a large number of people still don’t have one.
The aim of this article is to dispel the many myths surrounding the concept of health insurance by giving you the tea on what is real and what isn’t.
Let’s get into it.
1. “No need to get insurance at a young age.”
The hilariously terrible thing about the meat suit that houses your skeletons and organs is how fragile and susceptible it is to (external) damage. Not to be a downer but you’re not Superman, which means that your current youth and vitality isn’t going to matter if you get hit by a truck tomorrow and need to be hospitalized for proper treatment. This is why health insurance plans exist for all age groups.
In fact, buying and renewing a health insurance policy at a young age is advised because it leads to higher sums and better claim experiences later in life (when you need it).
2. “Getting health insurance indirectly means that I’m inviting illnesses into my life.”
Look at it this way: If anthropomorphic illnesses (or some babalawo with a bag of illnesses) wanted to attack you, they wouldn’t wait till you got health insurance. They’d take a page out of Nike’s book and just do it.
The idea of health insurance is to be prepared for any health problems that MIGHT occur.
3. “My health insurance won’t cover all my medical conditions.”
All health insurance companies have a list of all the medical conditions covered by each plan in the clauses section. Your insurance will cover whatever illness you’re getting treated for as long as it’s covered in the plan.
4. “My health insurance won’t cover the full hospital bill.”
Health insurance plans actually cover the full hospital bill, not part. If whatever you’re getting treatment for is covered on your plan, then your insurance will cover the full cost.
5. “I will start enjoying the benefits of my health insurance from the moment I buy it.”
Even though most health insurance plans have a waiting period of at least 30 days, some benefits can be enjoyed from scratch. However, this depends on agreements made before purchasing the plan. Accidents and emergencies aren’t the only things covered from scratch too.
6. “My health insurance will cover all my pre-existing health conditions.”
Health insurance policies generally cover pre-existing health conditions but only after a waiting period (which can range from 3 months – 4 years). The only requirement here is that the person discloses all their pre-existing conditions when buying the policy. A common example of this is pregnancies.
7. “I’m going to get the cheapest health insurance possible because they’re all the same thing.”
The best health insurance plans aren’t determined by their prices but by the benefits they offer. This also works the other way around. When presented with plans, don’t immediately go for the most expensive one because “it has to be the best, given its price.”
These days, plans are designed to fit people’s lifestyle and budget so the most expensive might not necessarily be what fits you. For instance, there’s no need for you to get a family plan when you’re single and hustling. Just look around, you’ll most likely find something that fits.
For all I know, the “being left-handed is bad” gist might just be an olden days version of those yeye Whatsapp broadcast messages that Nigerian parents always believe.
If you want a Nigerian parent to believe something, just send it to them as a WhatsApp BC.
If you ask them who told them now, they’ll say it’s their great-aunt that told their grandmother’s cousin who told them.
I suffered a lot as a leftie, chai! I think my first official struggle was when they squeezed bitter leaf all over my left hand so I would suck on only the right.
When that one did not work, my people now followed bad advice and decided to bandage my left hand. Bandage o, imagine.
All because one woman opened her big mouth to tell them that it’s how she stopped her child from being a leftie.
My people tried all they could, but my left hand was just looking at them like:
Sha sha I learned my lesson eventually, and started rebelling small small.
One time, my uncle visited and as I was pouring juice for him he goes “my friend, will you use your right hand!”
I just continued filling the glass with my earpiece plugged in like:
When I finished he repeated, “I said don’t use your left hand!” Me, I was like:
My father just carried face from both of us. Master of unlooking.
Even in church, there was no peace. Sunday school teachers would be arguing on top my head and I’d just be there like:
One of them even had the mind to say “it’s a sin.”
Thank God for another teacher that saved me from the false prophet and opened Judges 3 vs 15 for us to read.
Defense from Baba God himself??? I just wrote down the verse and taped it to my door for anybody that wanted to form they knew more than God.
When I entered secondary school and started hearing “left handed people are meant to be smarter” I’d just look look at them like:
Fast forward to SS3 when I started having full-blown wings, supported by breasts.
I was just changing it for anybody that had anything negative to say about me being a leftie anyhow.
From pepper seller, to relative, to gateman, I was ready for EVERYBODY!
The first person that chopped my vex was one aunty that came to my house and started doing face, saying she was hungry.
Me, I even formed good girl and started serving her rice. Unfortunately for her, one evil spirit told her to she start shouting “who are you giving food with that left hand?”
Jah Jehovah, I just poured my rice back, locked the kitchen, and went to sleep. Aunty was there like:
They sha held family meeting on my head the next day because they didn’t have work, but wetin concern me?
The one that even chooked me was the cab man that refused to collect his money because I gave him with my left.
I just threw the money at him and walked away laughing and shaking my bum-bum. He was just there angrily shouting:
These days, I’ve started taking “you use your left?” as a call to war and my response is always:
Minus the annoying Nigerians, the left hand itself comes with its own wahala.
When I’m trying to open a car door or flush the toilet and I’m just there like:
Me, trying to wear a dress with the zipper on the left side:
When I’m trying to give a driver directions and I’m there trying to remember which way is left and which one is right.
Me, handling a knife with my right hand and trying not to cut my left off.
When I realized that most things in this world were designed with only right-handed people in mind.
Really, the ultimate test for every leftie is trying to use scissors. Chineke! It might as well be brain surgery.
To be honest, with the way my relatives really carried it on their heads, I’m surprised they didn’t change me. Well, I’m stubborn as hell so…
My aunty even came to the house recently, saw me eating and said “you still dey use this your left hand?”
“Iwo ati owo osi yi” was the mantra of the enemies of progress that tried and failed.
I sha love being left handed. #LeftHandsMatter.
It’s Left-Handers Day! Here are a few life hacks for my fellow lefties! You can also share this with the lefties in your life.
